Edward and I drove up to this little church at 4:48 on a Tuesday night. I had butterflies in my stomach thinking about the process of facing these women and telling them about what Caius did to me.
"Edward, how do I do this?"
"You walk in there, tell someone your name, tell them that you're 23 and you have a masters in psychology, and you're working as a therapist in Forks. When you were young, your mom was raped by a man who she was dating, and his friend hurt you, and you're here to get help. That is the truth."'
"Okay," I said, as I got out of the car.
"Hey," said Edward. "This thing is over at 6:30, so how about we go over to Bella Italia afterwards, I'll make reservations. They have Italian and Seafood, and it's a four star restaurant."
"Okay. Its a deal," I said, then got out of the car and walked into the building. I pushed through the door, and followed the signs to the DOVE program. I was not really sure if I was in the right place, but the signs lead to a room where a group of about thirty women sitting in fold out chairs. Some were gathered around a coffee bar, which smelled okay, and some were helping themselves to some cookies and donuts to go to the coffee. Everyone seemed to be talking amongst themselves because the meeting had not started.
I took a few steps into the room, and just stopped, unsure what to do. The natural thing would be to go get a sip of coffee and grab a seat in the back. Mom wanted me to share and make friends and I was not sure if I could do that. Just then, a woman in her thirties noticed me looking awkward and hanging by the door, and came up to me.
"Hi, hon, are you here by yourself?"
"Not exactly, my mom helped me find this place, and my cousin brought me here, but he is a guy and did not want to intrude."
"Okay. You mind telling me what you are looking for?"
I took a deep breath, "When I was young, my mom was raped by her boss, and his colleague hurt me. I am having nightmares about it, and I can't stand for men to touch me, and I am a shrink, I need to have my shit together."
"Well you are already being honest with yourself. That is the most important step. Let me ask you something, do you drink or do drugs?"
"I drink occasionally, but it is not an addiction. And no I don't do drugs."
"Okay good. A lot of us turn to addictions to get over what happened, and I don't want that to happen to you. Come join us. What is your name?" she said, walking over to the group.
"Serina, my family calls me Sisi sometimes."
"That's cute. I am Anna." She lead me to a group of women sitting in a circle. "Hi, everybody. We got a newcomer to the group. This is Serina or Sisi. Serina, this is everybody."
"Hey guys," I said.
"Hi," came a chorus of girls.
"Okay, who wants to start," said Anna.
"I'll go. Hi everyone, I am Gabby, short for Gabrielle. Um, This week I had the dream three times of me being raped at gunpoint on my college campus. Thankfully, I finally worked up the courage to tell my mom last Christmas what happened so I have been able to call her and tell her I am scared. My dad wants me to go on medication, but I am worried that it will affect how I do my job so there's that. I am really thankful that I finally told them because if I had to do this alone like I did the last three years, I don't think I could do it."
"That was great Gabby. We all need support in our lives," said Anna. "Next."
It was my turn. I had been facilitating groups all week, I can do this, I thought to myself. "Hi, I am Serina, my friends call me Sisi. Um I am about 23 now, but when I was 16, we were living in Italy, and my mom's boyfriend sort of pimped me out to his friend, and um, I did not get a say in it. Anyway, it was the first sexual experience I had and he was twice my age and he was sick and gross. Anyway, my mom's brother found out and he basically came and got us. So we lived in a different part of Italy for some time, and now I am working as a therapist in Forks about an hour from here west on 101. Anyway, I am having nightmares and stuff, and its classic PTSD and I need to just take pills and be done with it, but I am scarred. So, thats me."
"Thank you Serina. We have time for one more."
"Oh," said a girl. "I got some news. Um, my name is Vanessa and I came to this group about a year ago, when my husband was hitting me, and everyone told me to leave him. But, I stayed in the marriage and tried to make it work. Well about mid February, he and I went at it and my sixteen year old son Andrew got involved and John hit Andrew. The next day, I took Andrew to the ER, and I filed for divorce and it was finalized yesterday. I got the house, the cars, the stocks, everything. Andrews college is paid for. We got a restraining order placed on John, and he is going to jail for six months."
We all started clapping, and Anna got up to hug her. "I am so proud of you," said Regina. When we all calmed down, Anna said, "Anyone else want to share?"
I sat there already thankful for this band of sisters.