The corridors are virtually empty at this time of night as Kylo wanders through them like a shade. He thought he'd been making progress with Rey, but the last few times they've connected, she's essentially refused to speak with him, only giving one-word answers and cold. So cold.
Rey is heat and she warms him like nothing else has. Her icy demeanor cuts through his defenses like they're nothing, leaving him gasping and wanting and desperate. Because he craves her attention as much as he desires to touch her.
And of course she won't let him anywhere near her, not now. When he'd try to ask her why, what had changed, she'd pretend she didn't know what he was talking about.
He can't believe it's almost been a year since he was last in her true presence. The search continues, always fruitless, always infuriating. Somehow, she thwarts him at every turn. Being without her, it's making him dangerously unstable.
Kylo has read every record he can find on Force Bonds, but none of it fits. None of it explains why he has to be with her. Why the minute he saw her, she invaded him utterly. It's as if she's infected every cell of his body. Can she possibly be so unaffected?
The dark grows inside him, and now he throws himself into its pursuit with a single-minded devotion he'd never found before. Tortured, he'd always been tortured by the draw to the light and a doubt, a damning morality that made him question his path constantly.
Now, though, now the light is Rey, and his need hurts so much he's begun to imagine crushing that light. If she wasn't light, she'd be his. If he could only convince her of the seductive power of the dark, the dark he sees so potently in her pain, show her how free she'd be, how free they'd both be, this distance between them would evaporate.
She would be in his arms, he would be in her body, they would finally be one.
That is what he needs. Everything will make sense once he has her by his side.
Now
"Rey!" he screams, trying to wake her. He knows if he could shake her, she'd wake up. Did she even eat anything?
Panic is overwhelming him, and he forces himself to calm down; he's no good to her if he's awash in frantic terror. He takes stock of her form and sees that she's not lost any more weight, her skin no more pale than the months of depression have left her.
But she wasn't in very good shape to begin with and he's not sure what will happen if she keeps doing this. He has to get through to her. Maker, he wishes he could just throw the damned sleeping tablets away. Not for the first time, he curses his disembodied state.
Trying to be reasonable, he reminds himself that it has only been a few days. The splint comes off the day after tomorrow, so she won't have that excuse any longer.
Watching her closely, he considers what's really causing her to hide like this. Somehow, losing him broke her, the last blow after a lifetime of beatings. It's cracked that determination, sapped her of her will.
It's time to make her talk, really talk about everything she's discovered about herself. Everything he laid at her feet.
"There you are," she says with a bright smile, sitting on a Jakku dune. She pats the sand next to her, inviting him to join her.
Is this a conversation better had standing? He rather wants to shake her, make her see what she's threatening. But instead he approaches her slowly, taking his place next to her. She threads her arm through his and lays her head on his shoulder.
"What shall we do today?"
She's behaving like she hadn't been foolish, that she hadn't ignored his request that she take care of herself. Rey seems to be in a strange, manic bubble of forced joy and it frankly disturbs him.
"We need to talk," he says firmly. She has to understand that she's not only hurting herself.
She lifts her head from his shoulder and cautiously asks, "Why?"
"I think you know," he says lowly, holding her gaze.
Sighing, she throws up her hands. "It's my body. I can do what I want." That petulance is showing through again.
"No, you aren't alone, now. You have to consider me, too. You're hurting yourself."
She jumps to her feet and whirls to face him, her eyes blazing. "I don't care!"
Now he's standing, too. "Well, I do! I care! You can't just sleep through your life. You'll kill yourself if you keep doing this."
Rey scoffs with something bordering on contempt. "I know what I can handle."
"No. You can't. This is dangerous!"
"Why can't you just let me have this! Just some extra time together? For months I was dying without you. I wanted to die! And now you're back and I just need you!"
"You have me. Rey, you have me. But you have to face that it's not over yet, we still have work to do!"
"I've always worked! I just … I need this. Please," she pleads with such desperation that he wavers for just a moment. But his mother's words ring in his ears.
He needs to find a way to ignite her desire to be out in the galaxy again and he has an idea. It could go horribly wrong. But … he hopes.
"I want to show you something," he says quietly.
She looks at him like he's daft. "You're always showing me something."
"Yes, well, this is … special." Gods, he hopes this works.
He holds out his hand, and she looks at him skeptically, but she takes it.
Concentrating, hard, he imagines his dreams for their future. When he looks around, they're in front of a decently sized house, nestled on a cliff overlooking the ocean of Chandrila. The warm sun streams down and sea grass waves in the wind. A clear blue sky shines down on little flowers blooming in boxes along the windows of what he hopes will be their home. One day.
"Did you, did you come here as a boy?" she asks, still a bit wary of him.
"No … this is the home I want to give you."
Her face falls. "Don't tease, Ben."
"I'm not. Someday, someday soon, we'll make a home, just like this one. Come." He takes her hand and he has to pull her a bit to get her to walk with him to the door.
This … this is the tricky part. As the door opens, a little girl with hazel eyes, a pert nose, and dark hair runs up to Rey.
She shrieks, "Mama!" and throws her tiny arms around Rey's waist.
Instinctively, Rey returns the girl's hug and stares at Ben with huge eyes. "I don't understand," she breathes out.
"You have to live again, Rey. You can't let yourself be beaten. This, this is what we're working towards."
Tears fill her eyes and now she's clinging to the daughter Ben has dreamed up.
"What's wrong, Mama?" she asks in that guileless way children have.
"I—I—Ben!" she wails, her eyes holding his with panic.
Then she's on her knees, holding onto the girl for dear life, clutching her so close.
"It's okay, Mama, it's okay," their dream-daughter comforts.
Then Rey stands swiftly, turning away from both Ben and the child. As her shoulders shake, Ben thinks she's had enough. Gently, he comes up from behind her and folds her into his arms, letting the little girl fade back into his fantasies.
He's startled when Rey wrenches herself away from him and turns on her heel. Her eyes are searing with anger and she yells, "Why would you do that to me!"
"You have to see what you're giving up."
"All my life I've dreamed of a family of my own, why would you torture me with something I can never have?!"
"You can. You will. But you have to work with me."
She shakes her head with a frantic sort of energy, her eyes wide with terror. "I can't. I can't hope again. I hoped for so long …"
"I know, I know you did. But you can believe in me. Believe in us."
"I just want to be happy," she sobs out. "When I'm dreaming with you, I'm happy. I'm finally happy."
"But it's incomplete," Ben pushes.
"I don't care!," she flares. Then her shoulders fall, her head slumping down. "I'm tired, Ben. I'm so tired."
"I know you are," he says gently, approaching her carefully. She looks up at him with tear-filled eyes and it's killing him not to comfort her. "Oh, Rey. Please let me hold you."
She nods once, and in only a moment she sagging against him, his arms holding her up. He maneuvers them across the sitting room and sinks them both into the generous settee. Before he's even sat properly, she's crawling into his lap and clinging to him as she trembles.
"Why did they leave me on Jakku? With Plutt?" she asks mournfully.
"They were trying to keep you safe. I don't know why they came to Jakku. Maybe they had no choice. Maybe they were desperate."
"Couldn't they see Niima was no place for a child?" she snarls, her anger warring with her hurt.
He thinks for a moment. He doesn't want to argue with her, reason with her. She deserves to have this pain. Finally, he settles on, "I have to believe that they loved you; that they did the best they could."
"Growing up on that junkyard was so hard, Ben. I waited and waited … for nothing. They were already dead." Her eyes are hollow, and he wonders if she'll be willing to face her connection with the Emperor. But instead she shakes her head. "I was so bitterly alone."
It's easy to hear the years of desolation. How many times will his heart break for her? "You aren't now," he murmurs.
"I know. Though, don't you see? My dreams … I thought they could be enough. That I wouldn't be waiting again."
"But, don't you see? You won't be waiting. We have a purpose. There's a clear goal. You aren't powerless this time. You aren't abandoned."
She sniffles a bit and her hesitant nod gives him hope.
Now that she's quiet, that she seems to really be listening he says, "There's something else. You're fading …"
She scoffs. "I've just skipped a few meals."
"No, I mean, somehow our bond is so strong that it's pulling you to me."
"Would that be so bad?" she asks in a small voice. He sees, then, the full extent of what her life of constant struggle, betrayal, and crushing disappointment has truly cost her. She really is so very tired.
Letting out a long breath, he tries to explain to her why she deserves something more than just to join him in the non-place. "I want to be with you, forever, but after we've had a real life together. I want … I want to see you ripen with our child, see your hair go gray, help each other as we grow old … I need … I need my life to matter, Rey. With you."
Her eyes blink and she gets that look she does sometimes, like she's truly seeing him. All of him. "Your life matters, Ben."
"No … not in the way that I want it to. Everything I did … I don't talk about it, I can't bear to remember, most of the time, but I need the chance to be … to be … good," he whispers.
"You're good, you're good."
"I need to prove it to more than you."
Rey looks around the home he's conjured. "Will we truly have a home? Will our daughter be real?"
"Yes. I feel it. I know we can do this. But you have to try, you have to find the strength one more time."
She takes in a deep breath and her eyes are clearer than he's seen in a long time.
"What's next?"
They'd spent the remainder of her dreaming time brainstorming their options … among other things. He'd reasoned that, until she wakes and she can consult the Jedi texts, that wasn't too wasteful of their time together. Touching her … being near her, it does something to him, pulls him into her orbit and he never wants to leave. She's not the only one tempted by the dreaming.
When she wakes, it's the middle of the night, but instead of trying to go back to sleep, like he'd expected, she looks at him, really looks at him in the dim light.
"I'm sorry," she breathes out. "I … I feel like I'm truly awake for the first time since Exegol. I see now, Ben. I see."
He grins broadly, the relief so total. "You've had me so worried."
"I'm sorry for that, too." She reaches out and strokes along his incorporeal cheek and he can feel her warmth. But then she smiles crookedly. "Speaking of being awake, I'm hungry."
Beyond pleased, he follows her to the galley and happily watches her utterly destroy three rehydrated meals. She's picked flavorful stew, nerf roast, and a spicy seafood dish. He sits next to her, grinning like an idiot.
"It makes me so happy to see you eat," he admits.
"I forgot, for a while, that food could be good."
"I'm going to take you to the finest restaurants," he promises. There's one on Coruscant that does a ten-course meal that he doesn't dare try to reproduce. It was the most decadent dinner of his life, and he knows it's one of the first things he wants her to experience.
"Well, we'll still have my dreams while we search," she suggests.
"I know, but I still plan to show you the whole galaxy once I can."
"That'll be hard if I'm pregnant," she quips.
"We'll take our time. Anyway, I'll have to marry you first." His eyes widen. That's really not how he'd meant to bring that up.
Rey looks at him while chewing heartily and swallows. Her face is utterly perplexed. "Aren't we … aren't we already?"
It's Ben's turn to feel confused. He'd certainly asked her enough times, but as far as he can remember, they'd not actually taken that step, so he just stares at her.
She makes a bashful little smile. "I mean … what else does it mean to have one soul?"
He sits back, a bit stunned. She's right. They couldn't possibly be more tethered, and yet he still wants to see her in her wedding dress.
"You're right, of course," he acknowledges. "But consider the honeymoon!"
"What's that?" she asks curiously.
Right. Obviously she wouldn't know. "I think I'll keep that as a surprise," he says playfully, his mind already spinning with possibilities.
Her expression dims. "I do hate not being able to touch you all the time."
"I do, too."
A wistful feeling settles over them both and Ben shakes his head. No, he's not letting them fall back into that sad place and he stands swiftly.
"Let's go look at the stars."
"It does feel good to be outside," she acknowledges, pulling a shawl around her shoulders with her good arm.
"So, no more sleeping tablets?" he asks.
"No, I'm done with that. I just … I got so lost."
"And I found you."
"I think you'll always find me," she says with a confidence that heartens him. He wants her to know like she knows how to breathe that he will never leave her. Her years of being abandoned are over.
He looks up at the stars, taking in the vastness of the galaxy. Thinking about it now, trying to rule such an expanse seems like a ridiculous undertaking and he frowns. Watching Rey begin to face her past makes him see that he, too, must walk the path of history.
But not tonight. Tonight, he can focus on the near future, on Rey.
"I'd better get started looking through the texts."
"But … it's night. I don't want your sleep schedule to fall apart."
"I think it's a little late for that. Don't worry. I'll be okay."
She turns and starts trudging back to the Falcon and he follows, hoping she's right.
A/N: Thank you, ArtemisBare, for being such an amazing editor. You tell me the things I need to hear in just the right way.
Thank you, Readers! I'm hoping to post one more chapter this week. It's not one a day, but three isn't so bad? You are an amazing group of readers and I'm so lucky you give me your time!