"Jim." A distant voice awakened Street from his nap. "Jim, I need to prepare you for your therapy session."
The afternoon sun penetrated the window, pleasantly caressing Street's skin. A warm sensation spread to his whole body, and when a gentle touch on his shoulder tried to make him come to himself, he instinctively hugged his pillow.
"Jim, come on, it's time," the familiar voice insisted.
"Mmm... you said it was only a light dose..." Street mumbled while his eyes fatigued to adjust to the strong sunlight coming directly to his face.
"I injected you only the morphine you needed, I promise." Beth's kind smile was the first thing Street saw as soon as his vision cleared.
She went on talking, "Don't you trust me?"
"How could I not?" Still groggy, Street unsheathed a weak smile.
"Are you excited?" the nurse asked while taking away from the bed the pillows that helped Street staying comfortably on his side. "This will be your first session of the new therapy cycle."
"I'm thrilled..." Street said, unconvincingly.
Not that he wasn't actually thrilled, but he knew he would not sit straight or stand on his own any time soon, and he felt that little step forward was still not enough. He was a man of action intense.
To distract Street from those insecurities, a brief shock of pain crossed his body while Beth helped him to lay on his back.
"How are you feeling? Any more pain?"
Street tired to wipe the grimace off his face. "I'll be fine. That last shot of morphine was enough, thanks. I still have it in my system."
Beth's eyes laid severely on him. "Are you sure?"
"Sure," Street confirmed. And he wasn't lying. That little moment he had while changing the position in bed was just a moment. As soon as he was settled again, the usual light numbness of limbs calmed his senses.
"Alright." The nurse kindly adjusted the last detail for her patient care. "Relax now, your physician will be here in a minute."
Street's eyes accompanied Beth's slim figure getting out form the room and then shifted up to stare at the white ceiling. An odd sensation hit the pitch of his stomach, his fingers clenched the sheets, a loud sigh left his lungs.
He was nervous. Street had not been that much anxious in a lifetime. That mix of raising hopes and fear to fail reminded him of the endless moments in between the social worker ringing the bell of the new foster family and them coming to open the door. Will I be enough for them? Will I manage to live up to their expectations? Will they be up mine, or will they disappoint me as they always do? He used to ask himself back then.
Now, Street felt exactly that way, with the difference that, current days, he was the only one responsible for his success or his failure. His own body was the one thing that could disappoint him the most. His will to fight for himself was the one thing that risked to weaver.
He was anxious, and he had no other choice than admit that to himself. Come on Jim, everything will be fine, Street encouraged himself, counting the seconds in between exhaling and inhaling.
"I see you already started with the breathing exercises." Max's voice made Street flinch.
How could I not notice the guy was already in the room? He asked himself right before greeting his physician.
The first part of the therapy session went just like the previous ones, and that wasn't so much encouraging for Street. He'd hoped to move smoothly. He'd hoped to be able to do more. Plus, his back gave him some signals of distress every now and then, and even though he managed to keep them under control, they made the process he was facing more challenging.
"Alright, Jim," Max said to an overworked Street while uncovering his legs. "The hard part now."
Street inhaled deeply. A wince shook his body when the man's hands laid on his feet. He didn't expect that touch. Street was getting so used to not feel a thing that he almost forgot that now he could.
"Rotate your ankle," the physician ordered. "Nice and easy, just like this." A hand under Street's sole and the other under his heel, he showed his patient the correct way to complete the exercise.
Street stared at his foot for a couple of seconds, then he concentrated and slowly started executing the therapist's request.
"You're doing great, Jim," Max's encouraged him. "But don't forget to breathe."
Completing the first round, Street soundly expelled a breath he didn't realize he was holding. Then he relaxed for a little moment before starting again with the other leg.
"Good job." Max's eyes showed his sincerity. "How do you feel? Was it hard?"
"A piece of cake." Street lied. Sweat drops run down his forehead, his back had started complaining to him at half the previous round of exercises, and both his legs tingled.
The physician slightly shook his head, smiling. "Alright then, show me what you can do. Lift a leg, band your knee."
Okay, this is the time for truth, man, Street thought. You can do this. He gritted his teeth, and it took all his focus and strength to lift his left foot for just a couple inches. His whole leg started shaking, and he clenched the sheet under him with both hands.
"Don't stop," Max encouraged, moving to sustain his patient's leg in case he couldn't hold the effort.
Street bit the bullet, and his body tensed. He was shaking, and in the end, he had to surrender, letting the physician accompany his foot back on the bed.
"It's okay, you're doing great," Max said, putting one hand under Street's calf and the other under his sole. "I'm here to help until you will be able to do this on your own."
Street focused on taking deep breaths.
"Ready to try again?"
Street nodded, he could not give up. He would not give up. But hell, it was hard.
... ... ...
Luca and Tan walked the sterile hallway just like they walked the HQ corridors. Frightfully enough, by now, they were totally used to the white of the walls, to the nurses coming and going, and to the croaky speaker that once in a while would make a call resounding in the air. The smell, though, was another story. Every time, it triggered an unpleasant feeling in the cop's gut.
"I've never thought to say that, but I'm glad the judge is taking his sweet time to sign that search warrant," Tan said.
"Yeah, man. Those smugglers are too stupid to clear the place and leave anyway, so-" Luca stopped and tapped Tan on his shoulder, pointing at the tall man exiting Street's room. "Hey, isn't it Street's physician?"
They exchanged a silent let's-go look and speeded up their pace. "Excuse me. Max, right?"
At the cop's call, the man turned.
Luca continued, "Luca and Tan, we're-"
"Jim's colleagues, I know." Max moved his duffle from right hand to left to be able to shake hands with the guys.
"So, how did it go?" Tan asked glancing at their friend's room.
"Jim decided to pick up the fight, that's for sure," the physician said, his expression implying the usual but.
"Of course he did!" Luca said, trying to ignore that hint. He desperately needed some good news.
"Don't get too excited. Breathing exercises and light mobilization was still all Jim was able to do today. He just got his sensation back afterward, and most movement are still forbidden to him," Max continued. "We are still trying to figure out if he would regain all his functions properly."
"If?" A cramp stroke Luca's stomach. "What-"
"That's not what I meant," Max explained. " Jim's doing great, but the road ahead of him is long and tortuous, and that means he will need a lot of help."
"We're here for him," Luca said, backed up by Tan's determined look.
"That's good because he'll need all your support, especially in this delicate moment of transition." Max nodded at them and left the two standing silent in front of Street's room.
After those words, Luca and Tan needed a bunch of seconds before finding the courage to lean on the door. As they did, the tense state they found their friend in fanned the flames of concern. Street was weary, all sweaty, and sticky like he just ran a matron even if he did not actually moved from the bed.
"Look at him," Luca said, stepping into the room. "Almost ready to jump back on the ring with us."
"Yeah... almost..." Street smiled a weak and shy smile. "But for now, I'm just ready for my sponge bath," he let out in one breath.
"Any cute nurse in your orbit?" Tan asked, sitting in.
"Not just one, they all love me!" Street joked, but his voice could hardly hide his discomfort.
Luca shook his head fondly. "No doubt, brother. No doubt."
"Are you, guys, up to anything fun?" Street inspected his friend's work clothes, his eyes barely sustaining their looks.
Tan shrugged. "Oh, you know, executing a warrant, kicking doors. The usual, right?"
Streets forehead became even more sweaty as he clenched the sheets in his hands. Luca frowned; the sight of his brother's lost look was unbearable.
"Street, are you with us?" Luca drew Street's attention back to him and his apprehensive look.
"I'm-I'm sorry, I-" Street said between clenched teeth, his face was reddened and his hands restless. "What were you saying?"
"What's wrong, man?" Luca approached the bed, his eyes carefully scanning Street's body.
"I'm just..." Street panted. "I'm hot..." He pulled the blanket down, then put a hand on the neck of the gown, trying to enlarge it. "I'm-I'm boiling here..."
"I'm calling someone," Tan said and promptly got out of the room.
"Hey, hey, you should probably not do that." Luca gently grabbed Street's hands, preventing him from scratching his thighs till bleeding.
A young nurse came in followed by Tan. "What can I do for you, Jim?"
"My blood is... boiling in my veins..."
"It's okay." She approached him. "It's just your circulation that is reactivated, it's actually a good thing."
"If it's a good thing, why is he suffering like this?" Luca's voice came out a bit too harsh.
"It can be excruciating, I know." She adjusted Street's position in bed and kindly dried his forehead. "It will pass soon." She turned to the two cops, "You should leave him to my care now."
"We are not leaving him like this."
"It's okay, guys. I'll be fine," Street gritted his teeth. "I feel something, and even if it's a pain, it's good." He laboriously swallowed. "I'm good."
Luca's heart clenched at Street's bravery. "We can stay, you know that. Don't be ashamed of us."
"I know. I'm not. Just leave me to my sponge bath, would you?" Street's attempt to unsheathe a reassuring grin didn't exactly go to the right end.
"We can't get between a man and his sponge bath, right, Luca?" Tan gave his mate an eloquent let's-go look.
Luca took a deep breath. He didn't want to leave his friend suffering alone, but he felt he should obey to Street's wishes and let him work through his pain in private.
"Alright, but call me if you need anything." Luca gently patted Street on his shoulder.
"Thanks, brother." Street nodded at him, on his face, a weak smile trying desperately to hide a pained expression.
Luca stopped right outside the room, his breath was heavy but not as much as his heart was.
Tan approached him and put a hand on his shoulder. "You okay?"
"Yeah. It's just..." Luca shook his head, exhaling loudly.
"I know. It's like that for me, too, but we have to go back to work now," Tan said. "I'm sure the cute nurse will take good care of him."
Luca glanced inside the room, Street's painful gasps resounded in the air. Leaving his brother like that was one of the hardest thing in world.
... ... ...
Street fought to keep his focus on his friends until they exited his room. His heart broke seeing the worried looks on their faces, so he did his best to hide how much he was suffering, but the discomfort was too high.
"It's okay, Jim," nurse Lily kindly tried to reassure him.
She kept talking, Street could hear her voice in the background, but he could not grasp her words as his attention was completely caught by the blood that boiled in his veins.
Oh, come on! I just got my sensation back, and that's what I get? I need to scratch... He tried to reach his legs with his hands, but he could not bend or sit, and he could only reach the top of his thighs. This damn back-brace! I can't...
"Hey, no." Lily caressed his face and looked him deeply. "Please, don't do that, you'll hurt yourself."
"I can't help..."
"Yes, you can." Lily took out a needle, and injected something in Street's IV.
Oh, not the morphine again... Street thought, but before he could actually say something, he started to feel the drug relief. Maybe a little shot it's not that bad...
"That's good, right?" Lily smiled. "Just relax, I'll be ready for your sponge bath in a minute."
The sponge bath... the first one with feeling legs. With feeling the whole lower part of his body, actually. And sponge baths were another thing he'd hoped he could avoid now. He'd hoped to be more independent now because those things were not as sexy or appealing as they make you believe in movies.
"Hey," Lily whispered, caressing his arm. "You can let go know. Try to relax."
Street's attention shifted down to his hands, which kept holding to the sheets tight. He was shaking, and he didn't even know. He slowly let go while panting heavily, the boiling sensation in his legs not completely disappeared yet.
"I'm sorry, I-"
"It's okay, I got you," Lily thoughtfully said. "And now let me free you from this. But you know the drill. You need to lay perfectly still, alright?"
Street nodded, letting the nurse unleash the back-brace. He didn't know if it was a psychological thing or what, but that little gesture seemed to help him breathing a lot way better.
What he didn't expect was the feeling a million needles stinging his back when Lily touched him to remove the gown from his body. He couldn't help but let out a whine.
Lily caressed his arm. "I'm sorry."
"I'm good." Street hurried back. "I'm... good..." He held his breath until the nurse turned to take the sponge from her kit.
His eyes shut, and he painfully exhaled while his mind sought refuge in his memory to prevent all the controversial signals his body sent him from making him go through hell.
The wet, warm contact of the sponge on his skin made Street finally relax. The scent of soap inebriated him while nurse Lily waxed his chest. Her smile was kind, her hands moved thoughtfully on his body, from his shoulders to his pectorals and slowly down the line. Once she reached his hips, she skipped to his feet, then back up to the ankles and the knees. The contact was sweet, the massage on his lower limbs so pleasant. But when she reached his tights and proceeded further up to his private parts, uneasy flamed Street's cheeks. He could feel something. Pleasure he hadn't feel in forever, it seemed to him.
But that was not was Street wanted now. And so the pain became his best friend; he welcomed it, he focused wholly on it, trying to not embarrass himself in front of the pretty nurse.
Lily put on a bright smile, carefully draining his skin with a soft towel. "Done! Fresh and clean."
"Thanks." Despite feeling more comfortable now, Street felt a burning sensation crossing his body. It's just the circulation, he repeated to himself.
"Let me put this on you, so I can change the sheets before letting you rest." She carefully put on him a clean gown, and took the back-brace in her hands. "Everything okay?"
"Yeah. First day with feeling legs... it's just a little weird."
Lily's smile was disarming. "I'll be quick, I promise," she said, and after keeping her word, she stopped and read the monitors.
"Something... wrong?" Street had some difficulties in focusing, as the pain in his back just came back to haunt him despite the previous shot of morphine.
"Don't worry." The nurse caressed an overtired Street, her touch warm on his clear skin. "Just rest now, I'll be back in awhile to check if you need some more painkillers."
Street's first instinct was to say, I won't, but deep down, he knew it wasn't true. His mouth opened, but all that got out was a sound sigh while his body abandoned to the exhaustion.
... ... ...
Grunts of fatigue resounded in the gym as the SWAT officers kept their bodies toned and their minds occupied.
Chris stopped riding the training bike as she saw Luca and Tan walking the HQ corridors. "Is the search warrant here already?"
"Not yet," Tan said, approaching her.
Chris stared at Luca's beaten appearance, asking herself if something happened to Street for them to be there so soon.
"Wanna have a round with me while we wait?" Evans called for Luca from the ring, but he kept thinking deeply, without paying any attention to his new teammate.
Something is not right, Chris kept thinking, fearing to ask for proper explanations.
"A round may do you good, Luca," Deacon said, scanning him. "You seem upset."
Deacon could always read all of them very well, and Chris was glad once more that he was the one to voice her concerns.
"I just wish I could do more for Street," Luca said, unsheathing a resigned look. "I hate to see him like this."
"Like what?" Chris' voice came out more fearful than intended. "Speak up. Street seemed good last time we all saw him."
"Fatigued. He was just fatigued for the therapy session," Tan said. "I'm sure he'll be alright. Give him time."
"He should better not rush things," Evans cut in.
All eyes converged on him but not in an amusing way.
"Unbelievable." Luca clenched his fists. "We're talking about a suffering friend, how can you be so selfish?"
"That's not what I meant," Evans continued, efficiently sustaining the guys looks. "If he tries to rush things, he can end up compromising his recovery. And maybe not come back at all."
"You wish!" Luca harshly said, ready to take that round here and now. "Street will be back, and we'll finally get rid of you."
"He has a point, Luca," Deacon said. "Street is not the most patient person we know."
Chris stood silent, hearing his teammates debating. She could feel Evan and Deacon's words true, but she could feel even more Luca's state of mind. She hated to be this powerless, either. She hated not being with her best friend when he needed her the most. Her heart lurched at the thought Street was all alone now.
"Come on! The search warrant is here, let's go!" Hondo's voice sounded loud and clear before they could even acknowledge his presence.
In five minutes, they were in the smuggler's place. Wooden door cracked and splintered under their feet. Yells echoed as Tan and Deacon secured the scared kids, because they were hardly more than kids, and evidence was quickly collected.
Another job well done, they got ready for the next. Or at least that should have been, but Chris' heart was elsewhere. It was in that sterile hospital room with Street. Unfortunately, she could not physically be there with him until the next day, maybe even the next evening if the job didn't give her a break. That night, in fact, it was Kira's birthday, and she really couldn't miss it.
But nothing could prevent her from texting him right away, hoping he would feel good enough to get back to her. And if he wasn't up to, Luca would make sure to let her know something.
... ... ...
Cold lights flickered in the corridor as Luca passed by smiling nurses. It seemed to be a quiet day, at least inside those walls. He proceeded quickly, hoping to find that same atmosphere in his friend's room.
When Luca walked in, a wonderful sight welcomed him: Street was munching the last bits of his dinner. He had rosy cheeks, ratty hair, and the showy back-brace kept him straight in his almost sitting position.
Luca couldn't hold back a smile. "That's the Street I know!"
Street looked up from the plate, and his lips curved into a sad smile. "Must be the drugs."
"You're still in pain?" Luca dragged a chair near his friend's bed.
Street hinted a shrug, the light in his eyes fading at the realization the back-brace kept forbidding even such a simple movement.
"I'll be good. My appetite is definitely back-"
"I can see that." Luca grinned. Then his eyes landed on the bedside table where an empty urine container was at handy for Street when he needed to use it.
"Oh, and I got rid of the catheter. You have no idea how hard I dreamed about that moment!" Street exhaled, his smile weakening. "I'm a new man..." In his voice relief mixed up with some other feeling Luca could not name.
Luca observed Street's sweaty hair, the bluish marks barely visible under his eyes, and the way he tightened and loosened the fork in his hand.
"Are you sure you're alright?"
Street stared at the ceiling for a good moment. "I just thought it would be easier," he let out in a sigh.
Luca's heart clenched. "Come on, man, since when you're scared of hard work?"
"I'm not scared. I've been, even more than I like to admit, but I'm not anymore. An.. and I will do anything to be back on my feet and back to my spot." Street failed to hide a grimace.
"It's just that... last night, when I felt my legs for the first time in what it seemed ages, I-" he exhaled loudly, heavily abandoning his head on the pillow. "I flamed. I got my hopes up that it all would go back as it was before."
"It will. Give it time. Don't give up." Deacon's words resounded in the back of Luca's head, he's not the most patient person we know...
"I'm one that fits easily, you know. Had to be the way I grew up. But... adjusting to this is..."
"You? Fit easily?" Luca scoffed. "Don't you remember how long it took you to fit in the fam?"
"How many more times are you going to use that against me?" Street's genuinely smiled, but his eyes gave up his exhaustion.
"You fitted pretty good, though." Luca smiled back, as much as he wanted to stay with his friend, he understood that it was no good for him to keep him awake now. "You know, I'd better go now, early training tomorrow."
"That makes two of us. Well, maybe not that early, but I can't wait for the next therapy session."
Another little grimace escaped Street's control, and now Luca thought about Evan's words earlier that day.
"Take it easy, okay? We all want to see you back on your feet, but there is no clock on you, understood?"
Street nodded. At that point he was practically falling asleep with the fork in his hand and the empty plate in front of him. Luca shook his head fondly at the image of a baby falling asleep in his highchair for feeding. He moved the portable table away and lowered the back of Street's bed.
"Hang in there," he whispered before getting out in search of a nurse that could check on him, and then he silently headed to his car and to his empty house.
... ... ...
Author's note: Sorry for the long wait, and thank you for your patience and support.
Getting all things together is not easy for me right now, as it's not Street recovery here. But at least he's fighting, and his friends are fighting at his side, even though it's not so easy for him to let them in.
Every time I write this stuff I feel jealous of how this family that not share blood ties can care for each other. For sure, though, I'm not jealous of what Street is going through...