A/N: Hi All! Thank you for following this story and thanks for all the positive reviews, it does keep me going! I hope you enjoy this angsty chapter!
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Iduna stared at her ceiling.
It wasn't anything new, she had been staring at it all night; trying to find every crack, dimple and fleck in the green paint that coated the wooden slats. The ceiling stared back at her, it's impossible perfect paint glaring accusingly at the young girl making her feel guilty for ruining its view. She shivered, the first movement in all the night, the growing sense of dread and guilt overcoming her as she rolled over to the side to look out of the now frosted window, brilliant sunlight bursting through the crystals and illuminating her room. A quiet knock snapped her out of her revelry.
"Psst, Iduna, are you up?" a familiar voice whispered through the door, her heart melting slightly at the warmth of his words. She stood up and opened the wooden door, flecked with blue and white rosemaling, revealing a very bashful Agnarr still dressed in his dressing gown, holding a sack in his right hand.
"Merry Christmas!" he whisper-shouted, presenting the bag to her sleep bound form. She shook her head, the sleep still dragging her down warily in the early morning light, before she realised the date.
"Merry Christmas Agnarr" she said, hugging the boy tightly and inhaling his distinct smell of cinnamon and apple. She pulled him into her room and shut the door, dragging him to her bed. The teen emptied his sack onto her bed revealing three boxes wrapped haphazardly with brown paper, she leant under her bed and produced three neatly wrapped boxes with a silvery paper adorning them.
"Open yours first!" he exclaimed; the excitement was evident on his face. She grinned at him happily, committing his smiling face to memory, the golden sunlight highlighting his strawberry locks. She took his smallest box and ripped the paper off it in a single clean swipe. A small black wooden box was revealed, her hands tracing the intricate carvings along its side. She opened the lid and inside a model windmill turned, the metallic jingle of 'Scarborough fair' ringing out in her room, breath taken she watched the windmill turn around and round until its movements slowed and the tune came to a halt.
"It's amazing" a single tear gathered in her eye and streaked her face, pure emotion welling up inside of her, she wound up the box once more and placed it carefully on her bedside table, positioning the gift with a careful accuracy. "Your turn!" she jumped back and wiped her face, handing the boy a long box dressed in glittering paper. Agnarr meticulously unfolded the paper without ripping it, revealing a leather sheath inside. Within that there was a large steel knife, carved ornately with stars and constellations on the handle, etchings of runes on the metal itself.
"Where did you get this?" Agnarr asked incredulously, fingering the perfectly balanced blade.
"The blacksmith in the village made the blade, I made the handle myself; it's the stars visible from the castle on the night we spent on the roof"
"It's amazing, thank you" he stowed the blade away carefully. At that moment the door burst open, revealing a perfectly dressed Ethel. The two teens jumped up as though an electric shock had hit them.
"Of course, you're in her bed" she drawled, signalling with her hands to beckon a very apologetic looking Kai who's back was straining under the sack he was forced to carry. With a heave he dumped the sack onto the bed, massaging his back with a pained expression as he left the room. "Now, no matter what gift she was giving you before here are mine; they have come from all over the globe and I expect you to open them"
"Thank you, Ethel, why don't we all go down to the breakfast and then open them afterwards?"
"No, that won't do. Open them now" Agnarr groaned at the woman, taking the first one from the sack as Iduna hid behind him from the petulant woman.
"I will meet you at breakfast" Agnarr said more forcefully, the woman jerked her head up and with a disgruntled squeak left to the hall. "She is unpleasant isn't she" He commented, putting the sack on the floor and stroking Iduna's back in soft circles.
"You go down and appease her, I'll be down in a few minutes" Iduna's eyes stayed firmly connected with the floor.
"Okay, are you sure you're okay?"
"I'm fine"
XXX
Iduna immediately dug out the glass pot from her drawer, fiddling with the lid and reading the label tentatively. Looking into the mirror she saw her reflection; the worry and stress leaving faint lines on her face. Steeling her resolve she took in a deep breath as she dug her index and middle finger into the cold white cream, taking out a sizeable blob she applied it to her face, the paste stinging slightly as it touched her skin. She persevered, the cream spreading over her face and consuming it bit by bit as she rubbed it over her features. Soon her face was no longer the light tan colour that Agnarr said 'reminded him of autumn' but now a blinding white, the corners of her eyes a bright red as the offensive and chemical-smelling paste etched into her skin. Analysing it once again iduna nodded to herself and went downstairs to join the others.
Yet again she steeled herself by the opening of the great hall, her breath shaky as the imposing wooden structure leered above her. Numbly she pushed it open revealing an expectant Agnarr and a smirking Ethel.
"I see you like your Christmas present" ethel said coolly, giving Iduna a satisfied stare as she took her place next to Agnarr, who's mouth was open in shock.
"What have you done?" he whispered to her; voice filled with worry for her.
"I just want to be accepted" she whispered back; her voice thick with unshed tears.
"Well Iduna you certainly look good today!" Ethel cooed violently; eyes bright with her victory. "Perfect fit for a queen of stature, would you like to join me in the gardens for a walk on this Christmas day?"
"Yes, your majesty" Iduna stuttered, the stinging sensation now becoming a hot burn on her face and eyes.
Content with her winnings, Queen ethel got up from the table and sauntered out leaving Iduna and Agnarr alone, the white paste still burning into her face.
"Why?" the word hung heavy in the air between them, Agnarr's green eyes filled with a mixture of concern and shock looking for the sapphire ones that wouldn't meet his gaze.
"I just wanted to be accepted by people, by your family, by anyone who isn't you"
"Am I not good enough?" Agnarr blurted out, biting his tongue as he regretted the choice of words.
"The question is, am I good enough?" Iduna spat back, her now red eyes finally meeting his soft green ones. "Every day there are people whispering behind my back, saying Iduna this, Iduna that I am sick of people thinking I'm somehow using you, and that I'm not prepared to make the sacrifices necessary to be in a relationship with you. If convincing your aunt, however nasty she might be, involves me wearing a bit of makeup for a few days just to prove that I care; then so be it. I'm sick of being slagged off behind my back and I'm showing that I am not what they say I am" the fury in her voice stunned Agnarr who listened in silence at the tirade.
"Do I talk to you behind your back?" He answered after a while.
"What? No!" she exclaimed.
"Does Kai, talk about you behind your back?"
"No?" she was getting more confused.
"And at the solstice festival, did you hear any of the villagers talking about you behind your back?"
"No..."
"In a kingdom there are only two groups of people that matter; your family and your citizens. You, Kai and Gerda are my family, despite us sharing the same ancestry it is clear to both you and I that ethel is not my family, nor is the council, nor is any other monarch on the continent. My family, no; our family loves you Iduna; I do not doubt that you love me and the rest of them do not doubt that you love me. Likewise, the people do not doubt that you love me, and trust me they can be experts at spreading rumours. There we have it. Your family loves you and doesn't 'slag you off', the people love you and don't 'slag you off'. The two most important groups of people in the kingdom are happy and so you should be too. It doesn't matter what distant relatives think and it certainly doesn't matter what the council thinks" he got up and crouched down next to her. "I love you Iduna, more than you can imagine. Please don't think you have to live up to other people's expectations to make me happy. I fell in love with the majestic Iduna of the North; not what other people want her to be." By now a solitary tear rolled down her cheek, dragging the white paint with it and leaving a dark trail revealing her tanned skin.
"I know you love me, and I'm grateful that our family does too. But you can't know how much it hurts with every whisper, every sneer and every jaunt. It rips me apart inside and it burns every time they say something to me. Please, I know I shouldn't care and I know you love me, but to ease the pain of having to hear their insults let me pretend for once; even if it is to your horrendous aunt." she finished her speech with a tender grab of his hands.
"Just remember I love you" he returned the gesture and left, silent tears streaking down her face as she tried to stop the mask from breaking too much.
XXX
"It's beautiful weather today" Ethel commented, walking slowly with Iduna in the gardens, the frost sparkling on the grass.
"I love this weather too" she said, inhaling the freezing winter air through her nose.
"How long have you and Agnarr been together?"
"About four months now, we met at the beginning of September"
"I've never known him to be this deeply in love before, well..." ethel trailed off setting her trap.
"What do you mean?" Iduna asked, her heart jumping in her throat.
"Has he not told you this?" Ethel said in her sickly-sweet tone. "He was in love once before" Iduna's heart sunk to her stomach.
"What happened?"
"She was from the neighbouring kingdom of Corona, the two were quite inseparable, sending letters to each other nearly every day. She would visit once a month and the two would spend every second with each other. They were quite in love. I can't believe he hasn't told you this?"
"No, he has not" Iduna choked, her throat stiff with tears. "Excuse me" she turned on her heels and headed back to the castle, wiping away the tears. She made a beeline for Agnarr's office and slammed the doors open startling Agnarr of his chair.
"Ouch" he exclaimed, rubbing his back as he winced in the pain.
"Why didn't you tell me?" she nearly screamed, fury in her eyes.
"Tell you what?" Agnarr's heart sank, replaying the last few weeks in his mind as to what he had forgotten.
"That you were in love before"
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A/N: The prodigal son has returned! I'm sorry for not updating but A). It's been Christmas, B). I've been hit with the big sad and not left my bed for three days and C). Writers block. Thanks for the support I've gotten over this time it has been quite tough, and I'm sorry for updating with a pretty shite filler chapter but something is better than nothing, I guess. Hope you enjoy I will try to update more if I find the energy and the inspiration which is hard currently. R&R!