If I Can't Have You
Summary: The Avengers are the best band on the planet, with the best gigs and the most talented musicians in the world. That was fact. The world has long since accepted it. That is until an old friend comes for two of their members and the world is shaken as an old group comes back together once again to make waves. And not small splashes. Tsunamis! Friendship, love and family go a long way to break the chains of society, after all.
After a tear-jerking If You Could See Me Now sang by Stephen, Bruce's wonderful symphony Transform, Yinsen's short retention of the song Stephen and Toni wrote for him, Science To Magic, because neither explained how he was still insane with the company he kept, Reed's Cosmic Explosion and, of course, playing Now You Know again with the whole band assembled, the 24 PhDs hugged it out on the stage in a huge group hug with Yinsen in the middle, mostly because he was still recovering from atrophied muscles from years of staying still in a coma. They were laughing and crying and no one stopped Rhodey, Viz, Sue, Johnny, Ben and even Pepper and Happy from joining in on the hug. They received a lot of support from the audience and all the screens showed the happy reunion. Stephen had no doubt that this exact moment, no matter how the rest of the concert goes, will be the highlight no one will forget for years to come.
The reunion of the 12/24 PhDs ... Had a nice enough ring to it, in his humble opinion. He doubted anything else would be exciting or amazing or surprising enough to top this very instance for the rest of the concert or even the year as a whole.
For just a little while, he enjoyed the moment, soaked up all that warmth and happiness, before they finally had to leave the stage to the Avengers. Toni still walked off with them, receiving the same congratulations and refusing to go change until she made sure Yinsen was well taken care of before she let herself be dragged off. She ignored any criticism or negative opinions Fury and his lot tried to give her regarding the stunt the PhDs had just pulled, leaving all of her friends to just smirk when the glares were directed their way. Hey, they might not be Toni Stark but that doesn't mean they intimidate easily.
"This will ruin the entire concert for us," he overheard Romanov comment to her group and couldn't help but snicker at the fact that they were only now figuring that out. But deciding they weren't worth his attention, Stephen instead walked over to where Bruce had introduced Thor, Barnes and Lang to Yinsen with Peter and Harley only now registering they had been assigned music legend babysitting duty. Lang was starstruck, Barnes seemed impressed with Yinsen and Thor was genuinely pleased to meet him.
"-and I greatly admire your strength to be here tonight. You played marvelously, my friend," Thor was saying in that outdoors voice he couldn't seem to shake. Stephen often wondered if it was the drums' doing, but dismissed it. Drummers had headsets to protect them as well as assure them they sounded good and weren't out of rhythm.
"Thank you. And I wouldn't have been able to come here without Toni. The medical staff told me she used to come every day and talk to me for hours on end. She paid for the best doctors and nurses to take care of me and then to help me regain strength. I wanted to be here tonight. There will be fire, after all." Ah, yes. Stephen had almost forgotten how vicious his fellow M. D. could be. Behind that calm, kind continence lies the man who helped Toni Stark blow up a nefarious terrorist cell, after all. And of course Yinsen will be as eager to watch Toni salt the earth on the Avengers as any of her true friends would be. Iron Maiden is going solo or Toni Stark is returning to the PhDs. It all depended on how they want to continue from this point on out but what was absolutely certain was that she won't be performing with the Avengers again.
Thor didn't seem to understand Yinsen's meaning, but big blond caught sight of Stephen approaching and just beamed at him instead. "Ah! Infinite Beer Wizard! That was quite a show. You have a really good voice."
Stephen ignored the amused look Yinsen was shooting his way for the moment, nodding to the Odinson. "Thank you. I wish you luck when you go out as well. Kill it."
"I will, as Friend Antonia tells Lady Pepper, bring back the autopsy," and with a staggeringly powerful clap on the back, Thor left Stephen to talk with Yinsen alone, getting out on stage with the Avengers when Toni walked out dressed in a red pencil skirt, tie and leather gloves and a gold, shimmering fancy dress shirt that was only open enough to show off the glowing pacemaker over her heart. Full Iron Maiden glory it is, then, he thought with amusement before turning to the seated doctor with glasses, who actually looked a bit lost as he observed it all.
"I missed so much," the man sighed sadly, watching Toni as she greeted New York for the third time. "So much has changed."
"Indeed."
"But some things haven't," Yinsen said almost teasingly, making Stephen tear his eyes away from Toni to arch a challenging eyebrow at him. But Yinsen, as has always been the case, wasn't intimidated by anything or anyone, not even a possibly probably dramatically temperamental former neurosurgeon that could have changed in all ways and senses of the word in the years he'd been in a coma. "You still pin after her. And you're still as oblivious as ever to her pinning after you," he added quickly before Stephen could protest, which only managed to leave him utterly speechless. He ... wasn't expecting that. Hell, he thought he'd hear something like that only in one of his happiest, luckiest dreams. It just seemed ... impossible. "Come now, Strange. Surely you're not that oblivious. Sure, when we were younger, that even made sense but you're a grown man now and neither you nor Toni are all that subtle about it. Not that either of you could ever do subtle, but let's not go there, yes?" When Yinsen saw Stephen's no doubt flabbergasted expression, he sighed in fond exasperation and smiled up at him in an encouraging but amused manner. "You really hadn't noticed, have you. Well, I guess you should be thankful to have me here, then, to point it out so you two can get your shit together and finally get together. The longing looks were sickening enough when we were teenagers. The cure to your lovesickness is on that stage and in your music notebook."
Stephen knew what he was talking about. Of course he did. The only people who ever glimpsed his private notebook were Toni, Bruce, Yinsen and recently Una. Sure, the other PhDs got to see some of the songs but they didn't have reign over the entire thing. And he had once been drunk enough to show Yinsen a crumbled up, torn out page that contained his confession from their days of touring Europe, written down on paper and damning him for being in love with his best and oldest friend. The song never left his person, his paranoia not allowing him to leave it somewhere where anyone might find or steal it. The song was good and would be a hit, no doubt, but it was the Geniuses type of song, one that should definitely stay between him and Toni. But because he had always been a coward, too scared to ruin their friendship which was infinitely more precious to him than the need to confess his feelings - he'd rather have Toni in some way than not at all. He'll gladly walk her down the aisle for someone else, even if his heart shatters and grinds itself to dust in the process. Toni is everything. He'd do anything to see her happy, even suffer in silence - the song stayed instead between him an Yinsen, only read and seen, never heard.
Looking out at the stage where Toni was singing with Rogers Avengers Assemble, he knew this was his only chance. "Thank you, Yinsen. And it's definitely good to have you back. We've been lost without you." And his friend only smiled and wished him lucky as Stephen ran over to the Mystic Arts. Una was the first to look up at him, drawing the others' attention. "Hey, remember that song you guys were interested in but I never let you play?" Kaecilius and Mordo exchanged uncomfortable looks. Wong even showed a bit of uneasy despite his unflappable facade. Una smiled. He had told them who and what it was about. They knew it was too personal and never mentioned it. Still, they nodded and Stephen gave them an awkward smile, feeling both giddy and terrified. "Well, you're about to get your chance. Get your instruments."
They were confused but scrambled to do as told, no doubt wondering if he had lost all of his marbles. Una just smiled. If she had planned on saying something, it was interrupted by Fury walking up to them, glare firmly in place as he glowered at Stephen. "I hate you."
"Whatever for?" He didn't allow his surprise at such a childish statement to show, instead of arching an eyebrow at the director.
"For making that song sound better when you played it with Stark." Stephen turned his attention to the music and easily recognized The Accords, even though it sounded pretty butchered with all the unnecessary instruments added into the song. When he turned his attention back to Fury, the man was already walking away, apparently not expecting or wanting an answer. Now that was just an odd exchange, really. But Stephen didn't pay it any additional attention as he turned back to his band members and they started preparing.
Time flew by as he taught them the song as best and as fast as he could while the Avengers preformed, their guests did their thing, Toni and Rhodey and then she and Viz had their duets. Carol sounded good with Rhodes when they did a number together. It was all going great and Stephen wasn't even aware of it when the concert officially ended with a "Thank you, New York and goodnight!" from Toni. He looked up in shock when the Avengers left the stage. Everyone except Toni seemed pleased with their performance. When he approached her about it, she bit her lip and looked out at the crowd. They were screaming for an encore but the night was done. There was nothing else planned and while the venue was theirs for however long they wish it since it was Toni's, they had nothing else to perform or show and yet the audience wasn't budging from their seats.
"The plan is backfiring a bit. The ending didn't leave a big enough impact to signal the end of the show. People are waiting for more and while we could improvise something ... " The night wasn't about the Avengers, Stephen finished silently for her, nodding in agreement. Letting the Avengers do anything now would defeat the whole point of Toni salting the earth on them. He bit the inside of his cheek in thought, debating one last time on backing out but Toni seemed disappointed by how the night was going to end without a bang, so he decided to just yolo it.
"The Mystic Arts can perform one more song," he offered and Toni looked up at him in this hopeful way that had him resolving himself to his fate, if it was for her sake. "I mean, we're new. We have plenty new things no one has heard before." 'Even though the song we'll be performing might as well be as old as my feelings for you,' he thought to himself and had to take a deep breath not to spiral into a panic attack.
"Really? Your friends won't mind?"
"We will be fine, Ms Stark," Wong surprised them both by answering in Stephen's stead, the others already getting on stage with their instruments. The crowd cheered at the continuation of the show and the Asian man nodded to him. "We should go."
"Kick ass and take names, Doc," Toni chirped and Stephen smiled at her, swallowing his nerves. He'd never been nervous on the stage before. He waved to the crowd as he climbed up last, walking over to where a small keyboard was placed next to the stage microphone, adjusting his guitar.
"Good evening once more, New York!" Incomprehensible screaming and shouting was his response and he smiled. Not smirked, as he usually would before a performance, but smiled. "At your behest, we will be performing one last song for your pleasure, a closing act if you will."
"What are they doing!? You better explain, Stark!" He heard someone backstage yell and had to refrain himself from storming back there and giving them something to scream and cry about for treating her that way, but forced himself to calm down. Toni could take care of herself and she wasn't alone. If no one else, Una was there and his teacher, for all that she was the same size as Toni, was strong as hell. Not that Toni was weak, by any means, but mastery of martial arts did things for people. And then there was Ben, too, who was a giant, so he forced himself to focus on what he was out here to do.
The crowd at least seemed very pleased with this turn of events.
"So we hope you will enjoy it. This one is for all of you out there who are in love with your best friends but too scared to risk it all by confessing." He could hear Mordo groan and Kaecilius snort at his tactless introduction and he didn't dare look to the side for fear of facing Toni's reaction before he sings. He won't be able to get any words out otherwise. And before he could lose his courage, he nodded to his band and started.
"I can't write one song that's not about you
Can't drink without thinkin' about you
Is it too late to tell you that
Everything means nothing
If I can't have you?"
The song didn't beat around the bush, getting right to it with both lyrics and music. The crowd immediately got into it, the upbeat melody and probably the eccentricity of his introduction. Stephen did his best not to think about much more than the lyrics and how much he meant them, but that was impossible without thinking about Toni and an almost bittersweet smile bloomed on his lips.
"I'm in Toronto and I got this view
But I might as well be in a hotel room, yeah
It doesn't matter 'cause I'm so consumed
Spending all my nights reading texts from you"
The sudden, excited squealing nearly had him flinching back from the mike. He could make out people in the first row pointing at something behind him and he saw Christine gesture at the big screen. He was nearly floored to see some of the texts he used to exchange with Toni displayed there for everyone to see. Everything from her random scientific rambles to her even more random 3 a.m. inquiries and philosophical debates - well, if debating whether Burger King or McDonald's is better can be considered as such - or his complaints about residency and the stupidity of some of the patients was there for the world to see and the only one who could have displayed that was JARVIS, who must have at some point found the lyrics of the song. If he wasn't so grateful and used to the practically omniscient and omnipresent AI by now, he'd probably be freaked out that JARVIS had access to those texts. Then again, he was Toni's digital secretary when she didn't want to be bothered by anyone. 'Thanks, J,' he sent mentally and made a not to himself to do something nice for him later. Having JARVIS' approval was vital to getting together with Toni Stark. He hopes he has a chance.
"Oh, I'm good at keepin' my distance" And he nearly flinched at himself for that. He and Toni hadn't fallen out of contact just because the engineer billionaire stopped reaching out. He was just as much to blame for their friendship coming to a still. "I know that you're the feelin' I'm missing." And that was true, too, he just never wanted to think about it because it hurt. Being without Toni for so long had hurt. Having her back in his life was a balm on his soul he hadn't realized he needed so bad until it cured all of his pain in one application. One hug, one smile from her was enough to make his bleak life and his battered soul seem fine again. He was never letting her go again.
"You know that I hate to admit it
But everything means nothing
If I can't have you"
His thoughts, that echoed for years around his head, torturing his mind and echoing one of Toni's Iron Maiden songs, finally voiced for everyone to hear. Once, he had been the best neurosurgeon in the world, the most renowned doctor in his field, famous for his mind and his hands and the instruments he played. He had had it all, fancy parties, overpriced clothes, his job and patients and a reputation that could land him any job in the world, expensive watches and a luxurious flat in one of the most expensive buildings in New York. He could have and afford anything and anyone ... Except the one thing he wanted the most, that one person he would give it all up for just for a single genuine smile ... Nothing meant as much to him as Toni did. Nothing. He was grateful for this opportunity to patch everything up and to go back to how they used to be before they fell out of touch. He hated his accident and the way it ruined his hands and career, but he was grateful to it for bringing him to Kamar-Taj and his new friends, for showing him humility and making a better man out of him, one who might be worthy to hold so much of Toni's affections, no matter the form they took.
"I can't write one song that's not about you
Can't drink without thinkin' about you
Is it too late to tell you that
Everything means nothing
If I can't have you
I can't write one song that's not about you
Can't drink without thinkin' about you
Is it too late to tell you that
Everything means nothing
If I can't have you?"
He wondered if people will start reexamining all of his songs after this to try and figure out if he was indeed always talking about the same person. He'd never called her by name but that wasn't necessary for those really paying attention and searching for it not to notice. He wasn't even embarrassed that three quarters of his overall opus was indeed about Toni. He just wished he'd gotten the courage to confess to all of this sooner. All those years wasted ... Well, better late than never.
"I'm so sorry that my timing's off
But I can't move on if we're still gonna talk"
And he was actually ashamed of that part. The few times Toni had gotten a boyfriend, he would distance himself from her for days, usually how long the relationship lasted to begin with. Which was also why he hadn't let her visit him after his accident. She had been with Rogers and that had hurt more than losing his hands but it was a pain he was used to suffering from a distance. Had she been there, in front of him, all beautiful and worried and caring ... Well, he had nearly lost his friendship with Christine in that period of time because he had been such a jerk. He shuddered to think how he would have treated Toni. That was something he knew he'd regret for the rest of his life if he had said a single mean thing to her.
"Is it wrong of me to not want half?
I want all of you, all the strings attached"
He actually couldn't be happier than if that were the case. If he could, he'd propose to Toni on the spot but he guessed that would be moving too fast and being too forward given they hadn't even went on one date yet.
"Oh, U'm good at keepin' my distance
I know that you're the feelin' I'm missing
You know that I hate to admit it
But everything means nothing
If I can't have you"
The audience sang along with him for the choirs, probably because JARVIS went and wrote the lyrics on the big screen again, beside rows upon rows of pictures of him and Toni taken over the years and the past month, all set up like a movie tape. The AI got too many dramatics from his creator, seriously. But it only made the show better so there was that.
"I'm trying to move on
Forget you, but I hold on
Everything means nothing
Everything means nothing, babe
I'm trying to move on
Forget you, but I hold on
Everything means nothing
If I can't have you"
Once again, the entire stadium sings with him and Stephen can't help but smile, thinking of Toni. She'll probably be glad that the last song actually made the bang she wanted to end the concert with.
"I can't write one song that's not about you
Can't drink without thinkin' about you
Is it too late to tell you that
Everything means nothing
If I can't have you?"
He led them into a clap, no one playing anything, just a pause as he and the audience clapped for the beat before giving a little thrill on the keyboard and leading the song back into the last part. He'll probably get both praise and hate fro showing off with altering between the two instruments but it's not his fault none of his band mates know how to play the piano and while Kaecilious would be able to recreate it with the sound effects, he hand't had the time to properly prepare. Maybe next time.
I can't write one song that's not about you
Can't drink without thinkin' about you
Is it too late to tell you that
Everything means nothing
If I can't have you?"
He was met with standing ovations and he invited his band mates to the front so they can all bow to the crowd but they stayed in place. Stephen shot them confused looks but then the crowds got even wilder and he looked up to see Toni speed walking towards him. He gulped, getting ready for a slap or screaming or a punch or who knows what else but he put down his guitar and prepared to face it like a man. It would usually make no sense to be this scared of a woman so much shorter than him but Toni was quite literally his everything. She had the power to hurt him like no one else.
She came to a stop in front of him, eyeing him up and down with an unreadable expression on her face. "Did you mean it? Any of it?"
"Yeah," he answered honestly but hesitantly. "All of it." Toni just stared at him some more before stepping into his space and the entire stadium was suddenly dead silent, holding its breath, not daring to interrupt this moment. Stephen gulped, opened his mouth to speak-
"Kiss me." He shut his mouth, only for it to hang open again as a fire of determination entered Toni's eyes. A gentle flame mean to spread warmth, not to harm. He was drawn to it like a moth, not even registering that he was leaning down until he stopped a breath away from her lips. "Right now, Stephen."
"Toni." And when the hell had his voice gotten so raspy and hoarse? "Are you certain?"
"Duh," she said with a roll of her eyes, smiling up at him a bit smugly. "I was smitten with you since the day you dragged my ass back to the camp all those years ago. It was love before I hit puberty, I just thought you didn't feel the same." She giggled, a sound he hadn't heard since before she hit double digits. "I think we drove our friends insane with how oblivious yet obvious we were being."
"Sounds about right," he murmured, chuckling himself. Really, they might be the Geniuses, but it would seem hey were a pair of dumbass geniuses. Everyone had figured out how they feel except them.
"So, are you going to kiss me or do I have to wait another twenty years?"
"Brat," Stephen admonished fondly before taking Toni's face between his gloved hands, gating the gift for a second before figuring there'll be plenty of opportunity to do this without them, and so just closed the distance between them and claimed the lips he had been dreaming about for a decade. The crowd roared again, in approval, and small celebrations broke out. JARVIS, the sneaky matchmaking AI that he was, let loose the fireworks that were supposed to announce the end of the concert, making this moment all the more remarkable. Stephen ignored it all, instead focusing on the feel of Toni against him, her lips under his, and he sighed in happiness. It was chaste and sweet but it lasted for almost an entire minute before they pulled away, their flushed faces on the giant screen behind them for the entire world to see. Their silly grins were probably embarrassing but Stephen couldn't give a damn.
And just as the noise and the fireworks were dying down as the perfect end for the concert-
"Marry me."
Well, never let it be said that Toni Stark didn't know how to close it off with a bang. The screams were beyond deafening now. Toni was half smirking, half looking hopefully up at him. Their friends were cheering back stage, just waiting to run up to them and congratulate them. Stephen was also sure they were exchanging money for the various bets they've placed over the years on the two of them. Yinsen seemed to be getting most of the cash, Viz being a close second.
And Stephen? What else was there to do or say other than: "Yes."
And Toni smiled like she had never smiled before.
And it was perfect.