LETS GET STARTED!
Everyone was sitting in the amphitheatre waiting for Zex to return. While everyone was chatting with each other Neptune was sulking off in a corner.
"Sup guys!" Zex yelled while holding a random bag
"About time you got back" Winter said while cuddling up to Qrow
"I do have a life guys"
"Okay this is bullshit!" Neptune screamed grabbing everyone's attention
"Some guys get all the freaking luck. I get bullied while Jaune gets made the harem king."
Suddenly they heard the sound of lightning? They watched as papers came out of the bag Zex was carrying.
"OH OUM WHAT IS THAT!" Coco yelled as she pointed across the room
They saw as what appeared to a black hole began to form. It had lighting coming off of it like the fucking Terminator was coming. They watched as it slowly began to take shape. As they energy condensed they saw Dragon like eyes open as a shockwave knocked everyone, all those who were pregnant had a pillow pop up under them, as they saw the man.
He was wearing what appeared to be a teachers suit with spectacles on his face. He had red scales with a dragon like head. The papers from before took the form of books that were floating around him as he held a very angry glare.
"Who dared speak such sacrilege." Said the Dragon
"Welp, we've got company." Zex said with a smile
"Well?" The dragon said with a growl
Zex pointed at Neptune "He did it"
"DUDE WHAT THE FUCK!" Neptune yelled at Sex
"You brought this upon yourself" Zed said as he sat down in a lawn chair and started eating popcorn
The dragon like man suddenly conjures tendrils of arcane energy and uses them to lift Neptune into the air and slam him into the ground repeatedly.
"Ouch" Weiss said as she took a bite of popcorn
"Shouldn't you help him?" Summer asked feeling sympathy for Neptune
"Oh Yeah my job" Zex said as he threw a baseball bat to the drangon man "Use this!"
"Thanks!" He replied as he began to beat him down even more
THREE HOURS LATER
Neptune was laying there in a bloody pulp as the dragon like man stood over his body
"There is only one Harem King in the entire multiverse, and it's not that man! No offence to his fans." He said as he looked at Zex
"None taken!" Zex said with a smile as he turned and looked at the audience "Allow me to introduce an entity like me, Composcreator!" Zex said with a chipperly
"Everyone said hello to Composcreator.
"Pleasure" He replied with a smile
"Care to join us?" Zex asked as Composcreator looked at him
"Will you show my personal favorite individual?" Composcreator asked
"Who is that?" Ruby Asked
"It must be this "Harem King" he got so angry about." Weiss said as Ruby nodded in agreement
"Eventually!" Zex aaid with a smile
"I can wait then" Composcreator said with am equally happy smile
"This is bullshit! I should be the Harem King!" Neptune stated as Composcreator picked him up and slammed him bavk down, at supersonic speeds with one of his Arcane tentacles.
"Nope that title is taken by the one true king!" Composcreator yelled as he slammed him down into the ground so hard Neptune went to the core of the earth. He pulled back his power as Zex snapped his finger and fixed up everything.
"You deserved that" Weiss said making Neptune sulk
INTRO
(*Cues: Wiz & Boomstick - Brandon Yates*)
Wiz: Whether it be justice, vengeance, or the thrill of the kill, bounty hunting isn't for the faint of heart.
"Or for those squeemish about property damage. Some prefer the clean way, but others don't care about how much destruction they cause over one catch." Composcreator said
"Agreed, it's why I LOVE the Punisher!" Zex stated
"Who is the Punisher?" Yang Asked
"Ill show you later"
Boomstick: Especially when your usual targets are superheroes.
Wiz: The Ghost Rider, Marvel's relentless Spirit of Vengeance.
"Is that a flaming skeleton!?" Goodwitch asked
"Yes, Yes it is."
Boomstick: And Lobo, the spacehoggin' main man of DC Comics. He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.
"He just screams trouble." Sun said
"Wait! Wasn't he mentioned in the other Death Battle?"" Blake Asked
"Oh yeah he was." Scarlet said surprised
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win... a Death Battle.
GHOST RIDER (JAUNE)
Wiz: Even at a young age, Jaune Arc lived life on the edge. Son to the accomplished cyclist John Blaze, he was sadly witnessed to his father's death in a stunt gone wrong.
Boomstick: But he got adopted by another stuntman, Crash Bandicoo- uh sorry, I mean Qrow "Crash" Branwen. It's no surprise that Jaune became a stunt performer himself, until Qrow's wife died in a stunt gone wrong.
Wiz: Only now apparently aware that motorcycles can be dangerous, Jaune swore to never perform again.
"The human condition, realizing the truth only once it is too late." Composcreator said with an eye roll
"Hey sometimes it's funny, remember Jim Carrey?" Zex said with a laugh
Boomstick: And then Qrow got cancer. Damn, even I don't have parent issues this bad.
"That sucks" Taiyang said with sympathy
Wiz: Completely devastated, Jaune refused to let Qrow die. Willing to risk it all, he turned to the one person who could fix everything.
Boomstick: Everyone's favorite problem solver, Satan!
"It's funny how he manages to get into every story, even the ones with aliens." Composcreator said with a confused look
"Well he is The Devil, so he really could give a shit less on who he takes a soul from" Zex replied
(A circular window opens and Squirrely the Squirrel pops up.)
Squirrely: Hail Satan!
"Why did the squirrel say "Hail Satan"?" Ruby asked
"Yes a new follower!" Satan yelled
"GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY STORY!" Zex yelled as he hit Satan with a giant cross
"Noooooooooo!" Satan yelled as everyone had their jaws drop
"Ruby's soul belongs to no one puta!" Zex yelled
Wiz: This was Mephistopheles, one of the many lords of Hell, who happened to have a special interest in Jaune's family line. To save Qrow's life, he cut a deal with the devil, curing the cancer at the cost of selling his soul. The deal succeeded, and Qrow was healed.
Everyone smiled.
"Wait for it" Composcreator said
But, then he died in, well, a stunt gone wrong.
"No Uncle Qrow!" Ruby yelled hugging Qrow
"NO!" Winter yelled crying into his chest
"I'm still here" Qrow said comforting Ruby and Winter
Boomstick: I mean, he's a stuntman who's nickname is Crash. Shoulda seen it coming.
"FUCK YOU BOOMSTICK!" Ironwood yelled
And after all that, Jaune got stuck with being Mephisto's b*tch for eternity.
Wiz: Mephisto even sandwiched him together with a demonic spirit of vengeance named Zarathos.
Boomstick: Zarathos, ask your doctor if it's right for you... or your exorcist.
"There is nothing wrong with a little possesion here and there" Zex said as Neptune ran away from a clown with a flaming head.
Wiz: Long ago, Zarathos was a powerful demon who threatened Mephisto's realm. Eventually, Mephisto defeated him, forcing him into eternal servitude.
Boomstick: And with their power combined, Jaune and Zarathos roamed the world, punishing the wicked as the embodiment of a death metal album cover, the Ghost Rider.
"This version anyhow. The good news is that they prefer to hunt down the souls of sinners." Stated Composcreator
"Well that's good." Summer said with a smile
(We see Johnny's first transformation into the Ghost Rider from the 2007 film.)
Boomstick: Aaagh! Oh God, that's terrifying!
Wiz: Well, sure, his visage instills fear onto many-
Boomstick: What, no! Ghost Rider looks awesome! I'm talking about Nick Cage.
(We see Cage's depiction of Johnny continuing his demonic laugh.)
"AH!" Zex screamed
"Why did You scream?" Nora Asked
"Cause I had nightmares about that happening to me" Zex said with a shiver
Wiz: Agreed. Anyway, as the Ghost Rider, he became one of the universe's greatest threats. He has superhuman strength and speed, and his skeletal body can regenerate from practically any amount of damage.
Popup: Daniel Ketch, another Ghost Rider, has regenerated his entire body from nothing but hellfire, proving complete immunity from physical damage.
Boomstick: And if Arc's last name wasn't obvious enough, he can shoot fire! Oh, but not just any fire, hellfire. The best kind of fire.
Wiz: The kind that's infused with magic that burns not just your flesh, but bypasses conventional defenses to attack your very soul. He can throw fireballs, raise walls of flame, rain fire from the sky, and even conjure weapons and objects out of thin air, such as a demonic shotgun and an infinite stream of chains.
Boomstick: And his bad-ass ride, the Hell Cycle! This baby can look however Jaune wants, but he usually summons it as a Panhead Chopper.
"A classical look. One you can never go wrong with." Composcreator said with a smile
"I can never find a good hell cycle anywhere!" Zex said with a sigh
Composcreator looked at him like he was an Idiot "You go to hell to buy them remember"
"Oh yeah" Zex said as everyone sweatdropped
(We cut to Wiz and Boomstick)
Boomstick: It can respond to Jaune's thoughts, scale walls, and even outrace Thor's hammer, Mjolnir.
Wiz: The same hammer that crossed a galaxy and back in a single minute.
Boomstick: Y'know, I lit my chopper on fire once.
Wiz: I didn't know you had a motorcycle.
Boomstick: Well, yeah, up... until the fire.
Wiz/Weiss/Yang/Winter/Goodwitch: Uh... oh.
Boomstick: Rest in peace, Roadhog. Least you went out in a blaze of glory, like Bon Jovi said.
Wiz: But while his hellfire and chains are vicious weapons in their own right, they're often used to ensnare the Ghost Rider's victims as he goes in for a truly diabolical kill, or should I say, a "penance."
Boomstick: The Penance Stare is basically hell's time out corner of pain. Ghost Rider isn't angry, he's just disappointed, and he wants you to think about what you've done, and it to hurt, A LOT.
"He's not my dad" Zex said
"REALLY! YOU ARE GONNA MAKE THAT JOKE!" Ironwood Yelled
"What joke?" Zex asked
Wiz: Under the Penance Stare, the Ghost Rider forces you to relive all the pain and misery you've inflicted on others throughout your entire life. No indiscretion, no matter how minor, is safe from the Ghost Rider's gaze.
Boomstick: So that time I put ground laxatives in my fourth grade math teacher's coffee and gave her the shits, does that mean the stare would give my soul the shits too?
"No, it means your soul literally is set on fire and you burn from the inside out" Zex explained
"That's scary" Goodwitch said scared
"Huh so you do have fears." Zex said shocked
Wiz: Not literally, but you would experience the anger, humiliation, and the butt cramps.
Boomstick/CRDL: So, basically eternal damnation, got it.
Wiz: But should your sins be so numerous and terrible, the Penance Stare could even obliterate your soul, leaving you an empty husk.
Popup: The Penance Stare's success ultimately relies on Ghost Rider's own judgement. It has also been used for other purposes. For example, Deadpool "survived" it because Ghost Rider only used the Stare to show him how to rethink his life choices.
Boomstick: The stare doesn't work on everybody, though. You might survive if you're blind, don't have a soul, draw power from pain, or if you're a weirdo like Thanos who gets off on that shit.
"There's always something" Composcreator said with a tired sigh
"Hey do you think it would work on us?" Zex asked
"Probably on you." He replied
Still, Ghost Rider's grab bag of hell powers let him tear up some of the biggest assholes in the world, and even some of the good guys, like Hulk, Thor, and Doctor Strange.
Wiz: He's quick enough to dodge bullets or even outright catch them in his teeth. He's powerful enough to create massive eruptions, blow up mountains, and even tear down a skyscraper. The average skyscraper weighs over 200,000 tons. That's the same weight as 1,100 blue whales.
"Damn this Arc is durable" Winter said shocked
Boomstick: Or one ex-wife! (chuckles) Oh, I'm gonna write that on her next alimony check.
"And you wonder why no woman in any world wants to date you" Ozpin said surprising everyone
"DAMN!" Zex yelled with wide eyes
Wiz: And given his hellish heritage, he's rather difficult to kill.
Boomstick: Bullets, poison, fire, he's survived it all. Even a beatdown from World War Hulk just got him even more pissed and extra flamey.
Wiz: Not just that. Remember Zarathos? Jaune Arc isn't simply a host for the demon, but a limiter for his full power. Throughout his life as the Rider, Jaune has constantly battled Zarathos in the mind, barely holding on to some semblance of sanity. Should his will to resist the demon falter, Zarathos can take full control, and all hell breaks loose. Not literally, but pretty close.
Boomstick: Oh, and plot twist, Zarathos was never actually a demon at all, but an angel of justice, fire skull head and everything! When he's unleashed, he becomes so powerful, even Doctor Strange wets his robes, and this is the guy who pops supernovas like Pez.
"I don't think that's a good comparison" Ruby said
Wiz: While Zarathos was bonded to another host, they even managed to defeat Mephisto in his own realm. For reference, Mephisto once battled Galactus, devourer of worlds. Stars detonated, galaxies trembled, and the entire universe was at risk, simply as a byproduct of their battle.
"THEY ARE THAT POWERFUL!?" Ironwood yelled
Popup: The new host, Alejandra, required Adam's help in unlocking her full power against Mephisto. This did not amplify or increase said power, merely draw out what she had suppressed. Therefore, this level of power is accessible to all Ghost Riders.
Boomstick: And if Zarathos wasn't terrifying enough, he likes to eat souls.
"Mmmm souls like Ma use to make" Zex said scaring everyone except Composcreator
Wiz: Of course, the Ghost Rider isn't invincible. Jaune is technically vulnerable as an ordinary human being. Even while transformed, the Rider can be killed via holy weaponry.
Boomstick: But Jaune's doin' alright, sittin' pretty on Mephisto's throne. I guess things worked out okay for him, even if he's not too keen on being the devil's bounty hunter.
Wiz: So let this be a warning. Should you ever hear the rumble of a motorcycle in the distance, and the glow of an ethereal flame on the horizon, count your sins, because the Ghost Rider is coming, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Ghost Rider: Sorry. All outta mercy...
(He proceeds to use his chains on Gressil, burning him alive and reducing him to dust.)
LOBO
Wiz: Let's turn the clocks back to a distant era of sin and debauchery.
Boomstick: The 1990s.
"How bad were the 90s?" Summer asked as Ozpin went on a nostalgia trip
Wiz: Inspired by the financial success of Watchmen and The Dark Knight Returns, comic writers started churning out grim and gritty superheroes by the dozen, like Cable, Azrael, and Overkill.
Boomstick: Yeah, they were badass lookin'...at first, but I mean, what's even happening here?
"Sometimes I look through human history and wonder what the fuck were they thinking." Composcreator said
"Why does he look like that?" Summer asked
"Don't ask us! Ask the guys who were making that shit!" Zex said with a shrug
(Captain America's Heroes Reborn design is shown)
Wiz: It got so absurd, that someone needed to knock these roided-out monstrosities down a peg.
Boomstick: The world needed a hero. No, a parody.
"Dear God" Zex said in a Soldier costume
Wiz: Enter the planet Czarnia. Once the brightest beacon of peace and happiness in the universe, until its inhabitants were annihilated by a biological catastrophe, leaving only one survivor, the last son of Czarnia; Lobo.
"So he is the only survivor of his home planet" An Ren said sad
Boomstick: The one that killed all the rest of 'em. A guy whose name literally translates in Czarnian to "He who devours your entrails and thoroughly enjoys it." What?! Awesome! Why wasn't I named that?
"I have a bad feeling about this" Li Ren said nervously
Wiz: Lobo is so unimaginably evil, that his birth caused the midwife who delivered him to go insane. The first Czarnian to do so in 10,000 years.
Boomstick: Some even think that Czarnia was so perfect and good, the universe made Lobo to balance things out. Hey, didn't you say the same thing about me when we first met, Wiz?
Wiz: That I did. Simply put, Lobo was...unique and desired to be even more so. Thus, he ensured he was the only Czarnian alive in the universe.
Lobo: I fragged the rest of the planet for my high school science project. Gave myself an A.
"He did what now" Weiss said with wide eyes
Boomstick: Yeah, he's definitely insane...ly awesome!
Wiz: Lobo left the desecrated corpse of his former home to become a bounty hunter. Probably because it's the only profession that legally allows him to murder.
Popup: To top it off, his insanity wasn't helped by the micro-radio implanted into his brain that constantly played heavy metal.
Boomstick: Ah, don't worry, he'll murder you illegally, too. Lobo doesn't discriminate. He even has a special gender-neutral insult and the name of my next motorcycle; Bastich.
"Considering the way humans get upset over the smallest detail, this is rather ingenious. It's amazing how eager humans are to find ways to insult each other" Composcreator said with a sigh
"We are not that bad!" Yang said
"Great. War." Zex stated
(Sunny Jim fires a bazooka at Lobo and totals the Spacehog behind him)
Lobo: My bike! Fraggin' Bastich!
Boomstick: Anyway, Lobo's bagged some pretty crazy bounties across the universe, including Santa Claus, two near-omnipotent dwarf gods, and even things that don't exist, apparently.
Wiz: And Lobo's Czarnian physiology is just as absurd to match. He possesses god-like strength, speed, and invulnerability, so much so that he can tear through hordes of superheroes like nothing. Should he somehow suffer damage, he also has an impressive healing factor.
Boomstick: He's like if Superman and Deadpool had a baby, which is a lot more terrifying when I say it out loud.
(We cut to Wiz and Boomstick, who see Deadpool appearing on their screen.)
Deadpool: Did somebody say "Deadpool"?
Boomstick/Audienece: AAAH!
Wiz/Goodwitch: NO, GO AWAY!
(He yells and punches the screen, cracking it, panting heavily afterwards.)
Wiz: There, he's gone, whew.
Boomstick: Wow, I didn't think you had it in ya.
"Neither did I." Cardin said in surprise
(The lights dim.)
Deadpool: Oh honey, that's not true. Haven't you heard? No one's ever REALLY gone... See ya later!
(The lights return to normal.)
Wiz: I swear to God, I'll kill him someday.
Boomstick: So, uh, you had the replacement plan on that TV, right?
Everyone laughed at Wiz's face.
Wiz: Ahem, back on topic, Lobo can regenerate from a single drop of blood, and each one he sheds will actually grow into a completely new Lobo. No, I'm not making that up.
Popup: This self-cloning-via-blood ability was later removed by Vril Dox. However, it's an ability that naturally belongs to Lobo. Following Death Battle Rule #3, this power is included in this analysis.
Boomstick: No wonder there wasn't any war on Czarnia, nobody can kill these friggin bastiches!
"No they can die it's just really fucking hard to do so" Zex stated
Wiz: It also helps that he's also a super-genius who knows well over 17,000 languages. He can perform complex physics equations in his head quick enough to catch The Flash, and can build planet-destroying weaponry out of garbage.
"Such is the fate of those with great minds. They either collapse under their own greatness, or turn to entertaing themselves with any means necessary." Said Composcreator with a sad look
"Yeah it is" Zex said with a sad smile remembring all the great minds
Boomstick: His brain is no joke. He can resist mind because he's too...ornery, and he's got so much willpower, he can literally walk right through Green Lantern constructs.
Everyone laughed at the Green Lanterns face.
You know, those things POWERED BY willpower?
Wiz: And befitting his occupation, Lobo is a master sharpshooter, tracker, and can, by his own admission, deduce the weak point in any opponent.
Boomstick: Ah, like how my shotgun leg jams if booze gets in it.
Wiz/Winter: I would've gone with your crippling alcoholism, but sure, that too.
"Damn y'all hate Broomstick" Zex said as he drank a Dr. Pepper
Lobo may be a powerhouse on his own, but he also comes equipped with guns, knives, swords, grenades, and a bomb that he sent back in time, which accidentally killed the dinosaurs. Whoops!
Popup: He technically possesses a Red Lantern ring, but there is no evidence that he ever used it, and it cannot be extraneously assumed he is capable of wielding it.
Boomstick: His favorite is his enormous hooked chain. But when his job takes him across the universe, he hops on his Spacehog, a customized SpazFrag666, which has automatic machine guns, responds to his whistle, can fly fast enough to escape black holes, and blasts (singing) Born to Be Wild! Wait wait wait, how can he sing in the vacuum of space?
"Now i want that bike!" Yang yelled
"In your garage with Bumblebee" Zex said in the telepathically
"Yes! Wait what about Jaune?"
"He has the Hell Cycle"
Wiz: Oh, that's where you're drawing the line? Not the time he, say, pulled the alien entity Solaris out of the sky, which is as heavy as a star, despite lacking leverage?
Boomstick: I like how he even admits that didn't make any sense.
Wiz: Using a small to a medium-size star like our own sun as a reference, Solaris should weigh nearly two octillion tons, over three hundred thousand times heavier than Earth.
Boomstick: So, pretty tough to bench press. But how about the time he was fighting some rabbits, and then he got so face-meltingly angry, that he just straight up ate a city! All at once! Disclaimer: Don't eat away your feelings, it's not healthy. Drink them away instead!
Wiz: Don't do that. But that is trillions of tons of steel and rubble condensed into a sphere smaller than the palm of his hand. By my calculations, that compressed ball should be over 20 times denser than a neutron star.
Boomstick: Oh God, imagine that coming out!
"Thanks Boomstick for that horrific image" Velvet said with a wince
Wiz: This unimaginable strength lets him brawl with the likes of Superman, but that's barely scratching the surface.
Boomstick: Name anybody in DC Comics, and it's likely Lobo's kicked their ass. He can even punch ghosts! Sounds like the only thing that can kill this guy is an act of God!
Wiz: Not even that. After rampaging through heaven and hell, tearing through armies of angels, demons, and what have you, Lobo's bloodlust on a literally biblical scale got him banned from the afterlife. As in, Death was told that Lobo's soul was not to be collected.
Boomstick: So, he just can't die now?
Wiz: Not in the traditional sense. He's had his head disintegrated, been reduced to a skeleton, even been turned into a spirit that just kept on fighting until he got his body back.
Boomstick: The only thing that's ever really held the big lug back is his weirdly consistent integrity? Namely, he'll always keep his word, no matter what. Seems pretty weird for a cosmic madman, but he also loves dolphins and will literally go to hell and back to protect them, so, who even knows anymore?
Wiz: He's not without his failures, though. His greatest of which was perhaps something entirely out of his control: His reboot.
Boomstick: What the hell is that scrawny, emo, Edward Cullen-ass lookin' dork?
Wiz: That's New 52 Lobo, a serious, tortured, modern interpretation. Everything that Lobo was meant to be a parody of.
Boomstick: Thankfully, someone at DC developed a sense of irony and literally shelved this loser.
Wiz: The real Lobo returned, better than ever, and got back to doing what he does best.
Boomstick: Kickin' ass across the universe! He's not just some two-bit alien villain. He's the Main Man, and the whole universe knows it.
Lobo: See, someone's payin' me a heap of cash for your carcass, and the Main Man always delivers.
VOTES
Lobo-CRDL, SSSN, Ironwood, and CFY
Ghost Rider (Jaune)-RWBY, NPR, Li Ren, An Ren, Goodwitch, Ozpin, Taiyang, Summer, Qrow, Winter
DEATH BATTLE
In the desert, Lobo straps his latest bounty kill, a Grimace-like alien, to his Spacehog with his chains before abruptly noticing a figure riding a motorcycle in the distance.
Lobo: Huh? What the frag?
"Zex, from now on you will say that!" Summer and Ruby stated
"No" Zex replied
(*Cues: Ride into Hell - Brandon Yates featuring Jonny Atma*)
The figure reveals itself to be the Ghost Rider who proceeds to stop his Hell Cycle and speak to Lobo.
Ghost Rider: Lobo of Czarnia, your sins are innumerable. I am here to-
Lobo ignores this warning and carelessly runs Ghost Rider over, laughing and giving his adversary a middle finger while smashing his Hell Cycle into pieces.
Everyone looked at Cardin.
"What?" He asked
However, both the cycle and Ghost Rider regenerate in a blaze of hellfire before engaging in a chase after the Main Man.
Ghost Rider begins the fight firing volleys of fireballs at Lobo, with one of them incinerating the Czarnian's bounty. Lobo becomes enraged and swiftly drifts his Spacehog to face Ghost Rider, all the while swinging his chain in fury.
Lobo: Fetal's Gizz, my bounty! I'm gonna skull-frag ya!
Ghost Rider summons his own chain in response, dragging it along the rough sand before the two cyclists repeatedly clash their weapons. Lobo gains the upper-hand as his hook shatters his opponent's blazing chain and pierces Ghost Rider in the chest. Lobo then drags the Spirit of Vengeance close and knocks him to the ground before dragging him onto his bike and looking him in the face.
Lobo: You're one ugly freak...
"Wait till you meet The Predator" Zex said with a laugh
However, the Ghost Rider holds onto Lobo and uses the Penance Stare.
Ghost Rider: Look into my eyes, your soul will burn in He-
Lobo interrupts Ghost Rider by headbutting him, destroying his skull in the process.
Lobo: Is that a fact now?
"Yes" Said Jaune's team
Ghost Rider responds by summoning his Hell Cycle, which rams right through the Spacehog and takes the fighters into a nearby city. The two bikers crash through a building and Ghost Rider swiftly lands on the road while Lobo is knocked back.
The Main Man gets on his feet only for Ghost Rider to punch him in the face. The two anti-heroes engage blows in a brief fistfight which ends in Ghost Rider uppercutting Lobo away yet again only for the Main Man to land safely on his feet. Seeing this, Johnny decided to switch things up.
Ghost Rider: Burn!
With that command, the Spirit of Vengeance spews out a beam of hellfire from his mouth at the Main Man, who tanks it head on and powers through it, walking towards his attacker. Lobo then grabs Johnny by the throat slams him on the ground and drags him along the street's pavement before throwing him into the same building they previously crashed through.
Lobo then jumps to the building and starts tearing it down and compressing it into a small pebble which he holds between his fingers.
Lobo: Bottoms up!
And with those words, Lobo tosses the pebble into his mouth and swallows it alongside the Ghost Rider. Lobo then takes a second to relax after supposedly defeating his opponent, but instead burps up a stream of hellfire. Lobo holds his hand over his mouth before his body swells up and bursts in an explosion of blood and fire, releasing Ghost Rider.
Ghost Rider: It's done. About time.
But as he's about to leave, the Ghost Rider hears a familiar voice behind him.
Lobo: Not yet, scuzball!
Suddenly, Ghost Rider is hit with a powerful kick in the back, followed by an uppercut to the face. It's revealed that all the piles of blood from his opponent have regenerated into an army of Lobos who laugh at the Spirit of Vengeance before body piling him.
"That's so unfair!" Ruby Yelled
"Its a Death Battle Rubes" Yang stated
However, they're all knocked away by a pillar of spiritual fire, from which Zarathos emerges.
Zarathos: You will all die SCREAMING!
"Huh that sounds like Zex when he is angry" Blake said
Zarathos summons a flood of enchanted hellfire which knocks away all of the Lobos, except for one which whips out a large gun and aims it at the Spirit of Vengeance.
Lobo: Eat this, ya Bastich!
Lobo fires the gun at Zarathos, who replies by launching a blast of hellfire at the Main Man before the gun's blast fires right through his chest. The hellfire blast hits Lobo and causes an explosion visible from space which obliterates most of West China. The camera zooms back to Earth as Lobo's spirit emerges from the ashes.
Lobo: Holy fragaroli, I definitely ain't picking up that bounty now.
Suddenly, a chain emerges from behind and pierces Lobo through the chest. The attacker is revealed to be Zarathos, who's been reduced to nothing but a flying skull after the explosion. The Spirit of Vengeance then screams at Lobo as more and more chains appear to drag the Main Man at his doom while Zarathos restores his full body.
Zarathos: LOBO OF CZARNIA! YOUR SINS ARE INNUMERABLE!
Zarathos then grabs Lobo by the chin and hold him right in front of his face.
Zarathos: I AM HERE TO WREAK VENGEANCE UPON YOUR SOUL!
Zarathos then uses the Penance Stare, and with no way to break out of it, Lobo is caught in the attack.
Lobo: No, no, no, NO, NO, NOOO!
Lobo screams in pain as the gravity of his countless sins finally hit him and allows the Spirit of Vengeance to eat his soul. Zarathos then stands in victory and burps.
KO!
RESULTS
(We cut to Wiz and Boomstick, with both of them wearing the new Death Battle t-shirts.)
Boomstick: Damn! That was toasty! Wonder what ghost Lobo tastes like.
"He taste like chicken" Zarathos said as he walked by the Audience
"Oh Yeah last night was poker night" Zex said forgetting Zarathos came over to play poker
Wiz: Being so absurdly powerful, Lobo definitely held a massive physical advantage against the Ghost Rider.
Boomstick: Yeah yeah, that was obvious. Skullhead took down a skyscraper while Lobo dragged around a freaking sun! But Ghost Rider's survived some really incredible things. Almost as incredible as these new shirts from .-
(Wiz slaps Boomstick.)
Wiz: Time and place, Boomstick.
Boomstick: Ah, come on, we gotta eat!
"The life of a YouTuber is very merch pluggable now a days" Zex said with a sad smile
Wiz: Even World War Hulk couldn't finish him off! And Lobo didn't typically carry any holy weapons, which meant he really did not have a good way of killing the Ghost Rider.
Boomstick: Yeah, but who needs holy weapons when you're strong enough to crush a whole city? Couldn't he just overpower Jaune?
Wiz: A good question, however, do you recall how powerful Zarathos was? Zarathos was an equal threat to Mephisto, whose battles tore apart the universe. Once the Ghost Rider released his true power, Lobo's physical advantages hardly mattered anymore.
Popup: Doctor Strange, a being of universal power, was utterly terrified by Zarathos' true might, making this scaling supported and consistent.
Boomstick: But, hey, the Main Man was super smart, and probably could've figured out Jaune's weaknesses. But how is he gonna escape to find a holy weapon somewhere when the Hellcycle outraced Mjolnir?
Wiz: Which once crossed the Milky Way and back in under a minute, a feat more than 100 billion times faster than light, more than capable of keeping up with the Spacehog.
"Damn that bike is fast!" Blake said in shock
Popup: Based on feats Lobo's own combat speed was greater than Ghost Rider's. However, greater speed alone was not enough to ultimately survive Zarathos.
Boomstick: They were both as unkillable as you can get. But since Lobo was banned from the afterlife, how could he ever lose?
Wiz: This is where the fine print matters. Death was banned from reaping Lobo's soul, but that doesn't mean the soul itself could not be destroyed. This is where our research surprised us the most. It turns out that Ghost Rider had three different methods of specifically targeting Lobo's soul.
"Wait what?!" Lobo's voters yelled
Popup: It has been said that the only being capable of truly killing a Ghost Rider is the one true God, further supporting said resistance to anything but outright holy damage.
Boomstick: His hellfire could hurt the soul directly, and since it ignores normal defenses, Lobo couldn't really stop it.
Wiz: With trillions of murders in Lobo's hands, the Penance Stare could wield extraordinary power against him. And while Lobo had a high pain tolerance, he did not enjoy fatalistic agony and unending torture so much that he'd survive all of that at once.
Popup: The Punisher famously survived the Penance Stare due to having no regrets. This is inconsistent with its power, and it's more likely Ghost Rider decided to let him live. The Penance Stare even worked on the Punisher in a later story.
Boomstick: Even if he did, Zarathos could just gobble up his soul for a quick snack. The end, easy as that.
(We cut to Wiz and Boomstick.)
Wiz: Lobo was undeniably a difficult opponent to take on, but the Ghost Rider's cosmic might, unholy invulnerability, and soul rending powers gave him the perfect tools to take out the Main Man.
Boomstick: That poor Bastich didn't stand a ghost of a chance! Ah-hah sorry, I know that's a "Lobo".
(Wiz facepalms.)
Everyone groaned at the Pun except Taiyang, Zex, and Yang who were laughing.
Wiz: The winner is Ghost Rider.
"Well, that was entertaining. What do you have planned next?" Composcreator asked as he looked at Zex
"Wait, you are gonna actually gonna stay?" Blake asked
"Until the host asks me to leave or I see myself out, yes." Composcreator said
"Well until next time y'all!" Zex said grabbing Composcreator and disappearing
"Fuck those guys!" Neptune yelled not noticing Ghost Rider and Lobo right behind him
"Well, well, well, looks like we have a tough guy here." Lobo said cracking his knuckles and making Neptune them around in fear
"Neptune of Haven Academy, I have come to claim judgement on your soul!" Ghost Rider said as they both dragged him off into another room
Hope y'all enjoyed! I would like to thank Composcreator for joining me in this story! He does amazing work go check him out! I mean it! I recommend his Nosferatu Arc! It's amazing! Well see y'all later!