"We have to get up," Saoirse hummed, as Tommy nuzzled her neck and let his hands wander up and down her waist with a confident familiarity. She didn't think she would ever get used to the feeling of his hands upon her body. They were firm yet gentle all at once, and they left a trail of goosebumps in their wake.

Two weeks of marriage had only heightened their desire for each other, and Saoirse couldn't remember a time when she had ever felt more relaxed and happy in her life. Even living in a small house with the rest of the Shelbys (apart from John and his sizable brood who lived a few doors down) so soon after their marriage couldn't dampen her joy. In fact, it made her feel like part of a real family; something she had so desperately craved since losing her parents. She felt like she truly belonged for the first time in a long time.

"Who says?" Tommy murmured, straddling her back and pressing his erection against her bottom. "I'm my own boss and if I want to go to work late then no one can say otherwise, eh?"

"But you've got that meeting," Saoirse protested weakly as he lifted her hips to slide himself inside of her. Tommy fit her so perfectly that it was as though God had made them for each other.

"I know," Tommy whispered as he filled her.

Saoirse bit her lip as Tommy moved her hair away from her neck so he could nip and suck at her flesh. The first time he had left a mark on her porcelain skin was a few days after they were married. He had just gotten lost in the heat of the moment and afterwards he had been repulsed with himself; he felt like he was no better than Joe. But Saoirse had stroked his cheek and reassured him that the mark he left upon her was one made with love and passion, and nothing like those Joe had ever left. Even the invisible marks Joe left from his words were worse than the proud badge of ownership she wore from her husband. Ownership was the wrong word though, because Tommy never sought to own or control her. But she belonged to him and as though the golden band and glittering emerald on her hand weren't enough, the light bruises from their lovemaking reminded her that they were bound together forever in the best possible way.

Wrapping his hands around her waist, Tommy lifted her so that they both were resting on their knees and Saoirse had to grab the headboard to steady herself as he began to thrust in and out in the most delicious rhythm. His hands cupped her breasts, pinching her nipples just enough to make her hiss with the pleasurable pain of it. They were so exquisitely sensitive lately that sometimes she wanted to beg Tommy not to touch them because she couldn't bare it.

"I love you," he panted in her ear, pounding into her over and over again.

Tommy was usually so in control of his emotions and kept up an unshakable façade, but when she could hear how strained his voice when they were joined together it made her want to rejoice with the knowledge that she could melt Tommy Shelby no one else. But the sensations that he managed to shoot through every inch of her body ended up being all she could focus on.

"Tommy," she bit her lip and groaned, wriggling her hips as his hand slipped down her stomach to her core.

"Mm," he sucked on her earlobe, grinning when his thumb pressed against her clit and she moaned loudly. "Come on, Saoirse. Come right now for me like a good girl."

He pinched her clit at the same time as he bit her neck once again, marking her as his, and she threw her head back as her orgasm rocketed through her with such intensity that she wanted to cry. Tommy was right behind, spilling inside of her with a grunt and holding her close; his mouth never leaving her skin.

"If I'm ever King, I'm going to make it the law for everyone to begin their morning like this," Tommy smiled, turning Saoirse around so he could kiss her.

"If you're ever King and you make that the law, then you can also pass a law that says amorous husbands have to let their wives sleep before midnight if they expect them to perform their wifely duties first thing in the morning," Saoirse grinned.

"Perform their wifely duties?" Tommy frowned. "You make it sound like having sex with me is a chore."

"Meh," she shrugged, biting her lip as her eyes twinkled teasingly.

"Right, that's it," Tommy shook his head in mock disgust. "You're in big trouble now."

Saoirse squealed as Tommy wrestled her against the bed, tickling her mercilessly while she begged for him to stop.

"Not until you tell me how good I am in bed," he smirked, nipping her stomach with his teeth.

"Piss off," Saoirse panted, giggling and screeching at the same time.

"Tell me," Tommy was adamant. He pinned her arms above her head easily and sucked a nipple into his mouth. His tongue swirling languidly as his teeth grazed gently and suddenly the mood went from fun to something else in mere seconds. "Lost for words, eh, love? Mm that's what I thought."

"Tommy," Saoirse whined as his lips began to trail a path down her stomach. "Please."

"Please what?" he murmured. "Please stop?"

She made a noise and bucked her hips as he neared her centre. Tommy chuckled against her flesh and suddenly sat up and began to dress, barely even glancing back at her.

"Come on, lazy bones," he patted her lightly on the thigh. "You've kept me holed up in here long enough. Some of us have got very important meetings to get to."

"You cheeky bastard," Saoirse pouted, squeezing her thighs together to ease the ache there. How did Tommy have the ability to make her crave him constantly?

Tommy smirked as he buttoned up his shirt. Saoirse swung her legs out of bed and walked over to the wash basin next to the vanity table. Tommy smiled at her through the mirror, his eyes following her every movement until she was dressed and presentable for the day ahead.

"Beautiful, Mrs Shelby," Tommy wrapped his arms around her and kissed her sweetly.

"Tommy," Finn's voice sounded muffled through the door. "Polly said are you two coming down for breakfast any time today?"

"Tell her we're coming now," Tommy answered, rolling his eyes at Saoirse. "Come on you, let's get downstairs before Queen Polly comes up here to get us herself."

….

"About time," Polly raised an eyebrow, setting down some more toast and bacon onto the table. "Thought you two were going to be up there all morning."

"I tell you, Tom, it's bad enough having to listen to you at it all night through the bedroom wall; I don't wanna hear it when I'm trying to eat my fuckin' breakfast as well," Arthur grumbled playfully, slathering brown sauce on his bacon.

Saoirse groaned and put her head in Tommy's shoulder, certain she was about to die of embarrassment but Tommy just shrugged Arthur's jibes off.

"Don't embarrass her, Arthur," Ada slapped him on the arm. "They're in love. And besides they're getting all their practice in before Tommy gets her up the duff. If he hasn't already."

"Not yet," Tommy muttered, stirring milk into his tea. "But hopefully soon enough."

Saoirse smiled at Tommy's word. He had made no secret to her of how excited he was to start a family and she felt the same way. A little baby that was half her and half Tommy. Tommy reached for her hand under the table and squeezed it, rubbing his thumb across her knuckles.

"I love you," she kissed his cheek.

"Right, that's enough lovey dovey at my table," Polly muttered, but she even she couldn't hide her delight at seeing the two of them so happy. "What's plan today, girls?"

"I'm going with John to Wolverhampton," Ada's voice was muffled as she continued to talk through a massive mouthful of toast. "He's got some business and I thought I might browse that old book shop I like."

"Better than wasting money on more clothes you don't need I suppose," Polly stirred sugar into her tea.

"She's doesn't need more books either," Tommy scoffed.

"True enough," Polly agreed. "But of the two, I'd say books were the lesser evil. And besides, at least they make her use her brain and broaden her mind."

"So while our Ada's out wasting money, what are you doing, Saoirse?" Arthur asked, his lips smacking together as he chewed his bacon with gusto.

"Well I thought I might tackle the upstairs windows and also that rather questionable stain on the upstairs landing."

"Fun," Ada pulled a face. "Never let it be said Saoirse doesn't know how to have a good time."

"Shove off," Saoirse glared playfully at Ada who just smirked.

"Right, I'd best be off," Tommy announced, downing the last dregs of his tea and kissing the top of Saoirse's head. "I'll see you later, alright?"

"Will you be home for lunch?" Saoirse asked him.

"Possibly. Depends on how the meeting goes," he answered, reaching for his coat. "But either way, I'll be counting down the hours until I get to see your face again."

"Pass me a bucket," Arthur grimaced. "It's enough to almost put a man off his appetite."

"You know you're still my favourite though, Arthur?" Saoirse winked at him.

"Yeah I know," Arthur chortled. "I'm everyone's fucking favourite."

….

The morning passed rather uneventfully but for some reason, Saoirse felt a little unsettled although she couldn't quite place why. There was just something that didn't feel right. She kept trying to tell herself it was just anxiety. She still had nightmares about Joe and it must be playing on her mind subconsciously.

But it felt like more than that. It was a gnawing pit in her stomach that wouldn't close no matter how hard she tried to think about anything else. Dumping the bucket of water she had been using to clean the upstairs windows onto the kitchen side, she took a deep breath and closed her eyes, trying her best to focus on steadying the flow of oxygen through her body. Nice and calm; nice and relaxing. There was nothing to worry about. Joe was long gone; she was happily married to a man who treated her like she hung the moon and stars; she was hoping to start a family with said man; she had a family who had welcomed her with open arms. Everything was as perfect as could be.

She smiled to herself, rubbing her hand across her stomach and wondering how soon it would be until she carried Tommy's child. Would they have a boy first or a girl? Would they look like Tommy or like her? The thought of creating a tiny life with the man she loved was everything to Saoirse.

"What are you smiling about?" Polly asked, dropping her bag on the table.

"Just thinking about things," Saoirse shrugged. She had been so lost in her own sweet daydreams that she hadn't even heard Polly come through the front door. "Pol, can I ask you something?"

"Course you can, love."

"How did you first know when you were pregnant?"

Polly had once confided in Saoirse that she had two children who were taken away years ago, when she had unjustly been deemed an unfit mother, and while Saoirse felt a little guilty bringing up what was undoubtedly a sore subject for her, she just didn't have anyone else to ask.

Growing up without a mother for most of her life meant that so many womanly things had never been explained to her. Not even in the orphanage had the nuns spoken to the girls in their care of the things that would happen to their bodies. Saoirse remembered the day she first got her monthly. She had gone to the toilet and cried, convinced she was dying when she had seen blood in her underwear. It was one of the older girls who had taken her aside and reassured her that it was nothing to worry about that it would happen every month from then on. But even the older girl hadn't really known how or why it happened; only that once a female bled it meant she could have babies. And to have babies she needed to lie with a man. But of course, lying with a man was sin according to the nuns.

As such, Saoirse had absolutely no idea how a woman knew they were going to have a baby. Well, aside from the growing stomach and baby moving inside of them, but that took months surely?

"Well it's different for every woman and every pregnancy," Polly filled the kettle with water and set it on the stove to boil before lighting herself a cigarette. She leant back against the kitchen side and eyed Saoirse with fondness. "Some women are sick all day and all night; some are never sick, or some are sick intermittently. Some go off certain foods while others are completely unaffected. Usually your breasts tend to feel a little tender, but really the only thing that happens to all women at first is that their monthly stops."

Polly continued talking but Saoirse couldn't hear what she was saying. All she could hear was the swooshing noise of the blood pounding in her ears. She blinked. This wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening. Bile filled her mouth and her eyes watered as she swallowed it down. She was running for the door before she even realised it.

"Where are you going?" Polly called after her. "Saoirse, it's pouring it down out there."

But the door had slammed shut before Polly could get to it, and she turned her head to see that Saoirse's coat was still hanging on the hook. She had no idea what the hell had happened but she needed to find Tommy fast.

….

Saoirse ran and ran and ran. She didn't know where she was going, she didn't particularly care. Nor did she care about the cold rain soaking through her thin dress. In fact, the cold was a relief from the numbness that encompassed her.

The only thing that happens to all women at first is that their monthly stops.

Polly's words were whirring around her head on a loop. Saoirse stopped on the corner of Argyle Street and retched up her breakfast, choking on the burning bile that invaded her nostrils. Someone approached her to ask if she was alright and should they find Mr Shelby, but she just brushed them aside and staggered away.

Tommy. Her eyes squeezed shut in agony as she thought of him. How was she going to tell him this? The second Polly had uttered that one sentence, Saoirse felt as though someone had thrown a bucket of ice cold water all over, for she realised with horror that she hadn't bled since the night Joe had attacked her. Which was also the night she had first made love to Tommy.

And there was the sickness she'd experienced on and off over the past few weeks; the tender breasts as well. She slapped a hand over her mouth to cover up the whimper that escaped as she wondered how she could have been so blind to it all.

She was trembling and she felt as though she was in a haze. Why was this happening to her? Hadn't enough terrible things happened to her in her life? Hadn't she suffered enough? And now when everything was starting to look up for her and she was feeling happy for the first time in so long, the life that she was now certain she had growing inside of her was about to destroy it all.

She was going to lose Tommy; she knew that for a fact. He might love her but how could he love a child that wasn't his? There's was a fifty percent chance the baby was his, but how could he agree to bring up a child that had an equal statistic of not being his at the same time? What if they baby came out and looked like Joe? She would forever be haunted all the more by what he had done, as though her face and the nightmare weren't enough.

Saoirse needed to get away; somewhere, anywhere to be alone and just think about what she was going to do. But where she could go was beyond her. She had never felt more alone in that moment than in all her life.

….

"What do you mean she just took off?"

Tommy was chomping at the bit; he was positively seething, pacing his office like a caged animal. Polly was fraught with worry and chewed her lip anxiously. She had searched the surrounding streets hoping to catch a glimpse of auburn hair that stood out like fire, but she had found nothing. With trepidation gnawing at her, Polly had reluctantly gone to find Tommy. And just like Polly expected, his reaction hadn't been calm or rational.

"She just ran out before I could stop her," Polly answered. "We were talking and then all of a sudden she just looked like someone who'd seen a ghost and she went."

"Talking? What were you talking about?"

"Does it matter?" Polly frowned.

"It fucking does to me!" Tommy roared. He stopped pacing and pinched the bridge of his nose. His chest was heaving and his hands shaking with all the emotions racing through him at that one moment. "Look, I just need to understand what happened. If you said something to upset her then I won't be mad, I just need the truth."

"Are you honestly being serious?" Polly laughed indignantly. "How dare you think I would do or say anything to upset that girl."

"I'm not saying it was intentional," Tommy sighed. "It's just that sometimes you have a way of putting things so bluntly that it can offend people."

"Oh fuck off," Polly growled.

"Where the fuck do you think you're going?" Tommy shouted as Polly reached the door.

"To find your fucking wife," Polly spat.

Tommy roared, flinging everything from his desk in a fit of temper. He needed to find Saoirse, and he just couldn't let go of the fear that if he didn't know where she was that somehow it meant Joe could get to her and he wouldn't be able to stop it from happening.

He was being irrational; he knew this, but it didn't matter. He was going to find his wife and not let her out of his sight again.

….

It had grown dark and the hour was late. Saoirse looked down at her arms and tears fell, mingling with the dried blood. She was disgusted and ashamed at herself, but it had been a short relief; a way to momentarily ease the tumultuous thoughts running through her brain.

A white nose pushed itself against her face and the horse snickered when she reached up to stroke its soft hair. She had snuck in here hours ago. She didn't even remember walking there; all she knew was that her legs moved of their own volition until she was at the yard. It had been uncharacteristically devoid of both Charlie and Curly, which she had been grateful for as it meant she had been able to just creep into one of the stables and sit with her own thoughts.

Tommy always told her that whenever he was stressed or anxious, he would come and sit with one of the horses because they soothed him. He told her countless times that horses had a sixth sense and were in tune with people. They knew what a person was feeling and would react accordingly. He hadn't been wrong. This beautiful stallion hadn't left Saoirse alone, and she was certain he looked at her with eyes that understand everything she whispered and cried to him. Even when she had found a small penknife in the corner of the stable that had obviously been dropped, the horse had tried his best to distract her when she began to cut. She had felt even more guilty doing it in front of watchful eyes, but not guilty enough to stop.

She kissed the horse's nose, closing her eyes and breathing in his sweet, hay smell.

"Saoirse?"

She looked up to see Tommy stood in the doorway, soaking wet and dark circles under his eyes.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" he asked quietly, stepping towards her.

The horse was excited to see him and he cooed softly to the creature, talking to it in Romany as he always did.

"I've been looking for you all afternoon. Polly, Arthur, John, Ada, everyone; have all been out looking for you."

Saoirse said nothing and that was when Tommy saw her arms. He crouched down and eyed the dried welts with sadness before looking at her.

"What's this?" he murmured. "Why have you done this?"

"I had to," she sobbed. "I just… I couldn't think and I needed…I just…it just makes it all go away for a moment and then…"

"And then what hm?" Tommy touched his lips gently to the cuts on her arm.

"Don't do that," she cringed, pulling her arm away. "Please don't be nice to me. I don't deserve it."

"Is this about what Polly said? She told me that you and her were talking and then something she said upset you. What was it?"

"I can't tell you," Saoirse whispered, biting on her lip as it trembled violently.

"Can't? Or won't?"

"Both."

A pitiful tear trailed down her cheek and Tommy took her face in his hands, brushing his thumbs under her eyes to catch any more tears that escaped.

"Saoirse, it's me," he kissed her. "I'm your husband. I made vows to love and honour and protect you know matter what. But I can't do that if you don't tell me what's wrong, love."

"I'm scared," she let out a shaky breath.

"Listen to me now," Tommy pressed his forehead against hers. "These last few months have given you every right to be scared over so many things and you've gotten yourself through them with strength and dignity. Now whatever it is you're scared of, I'm here for it. I'll be brave for you if that's what you need, but I know that whatever it is, you'll be able to get yourself through it just like everything else that's been thrown at you."

"Not this time," she shook her head, sniffing. "I'm pregnant, Tommy."