Chapter Seventeen

Jasper

Megan was in her element with both Bella and me all to herself. She chatted constantly, telling her mom all about our trip to the hotel in Boston and explaining how Celeste looked all lit up and how she was made of recycled bits from a water mill.

"I'm going to rename my teddy Celeste so I never forget our trip poppa. Can I watch cartoons for a little while before bedtime, please poppa?"

I agreed although it was clear she was fighting to stay awake as it was.

"I'll get you some warm milk and then it's bedtime young lady."

She pulled a face and looked to Bella for an ally but Bella held up her hands.

"Hey, we all have to play by poppas rules. But if you like maybe he would let me tuck you in and maybe read you a story."

She glanced at me and I nodded although I would miss our quiet time. Still, Bella had every right to want time with her daughter and I had plenty of memories to look back on.

She seemed to understand and added, "Maybe poppa and I could both read you a story? How would that be?"

Megan beamed and literally jumped up and down with delight and in truth, I felt like joining her but instead, I just nodded and went out to warm the milk.

It took a while to calm Megan enough to fall asleep, between meeting her mom and waiting for Santa it was too much for her so finally, I gave her a little nudge and she snuggled down with Celeste and Rudolph closing her eyes and looking like an angel with her dark hair fanned out across the pillow.

I leaned over and kissed her forehead just as I always did then felt a little self-conscious but Bella just smiled and took my hand and we left Megan's room together.

Once downstairs I put fresh logs on the fire and went out to the kitchen to make reindeer hoofprints outside the door and scatter small pieces of the carrot Megan had left for them to make it appear as if they had chewed most of them up.

Rejoining Bella in the lounge I sat down glancing at the glass of milk and cookies left out for Santa.

"Want to toss for who nibbles on the cookies?"

Bella giggled, "OK, but the loser gets to drink the milk."

I tossed a coin and lost so I got to drain the milk while Bella nibbled on the cookies leaving crumbs on the plate.

Then we sat back staring at the flames in a strangely comforting silence for a while.

After a while sitting like this I put some music on to play softly in the background and pulled back the drapes to see it was still snowing.

"It's very cosy in here, Jasper. I like it."

I turned to smile at the compliment.

"Thanks. I wanted it to feel like home for Megan. I didn't know how long we would be together but I didn't want her to miss out on a home life. I remembered how it was important to me when I was young."

"You've managed really well. She's happy and sweet-natured and very clever. Can you tell me about when you rescued Megan? I really would like to know."

I shrugged, "I guess."

She motioned for me to join her on the couch and I began.

"As I told you I didn't know why I'd gone back to the house but then I saw Edward come out with a bundle under one arm. I had no idea what it was but I could smell blood, lots of blood, and some of it was yours but there was something else. It turned out to be Megan's blood although I didn't know that at the time. Edward put the bundle down on the walkway by the garage and then ran back inside. I guess I was curious and I went forward then I heard Edward's voice. He was talking to you. Apologizing for what had happened and reassuring you that you would be fine. It was then that I realized I wasn't alone. Jacob Black was also there and he was mighty interested in the bundle too. I think he realized what had happened to you although he couldn't have known about Megan.

When the bundle moved I heard a faint heartbeat and understood that you'd given birth and that despite Edward's actions the baby was still alive. I had a choice, I could back off, make sure Edward was looking after you and go or I could save your baby from Jacob. I knew what you would be telling me to do so I grabbed the bundle and ran with it.

It wasn't until later that I was able to stop and check on the bundle and that's when I saw your daughter for the first time. She was so tiny, so fragile, that I was sure she wouldn't make it but the kid had determination, she fought and she won."

"With your help. She would have died otherwise. Thank you, Jasper."

I shrugged, "It was the least I could do. I'd been wrong to think Megan was a monster. I should have believed you when you were so sure that your baby was going to be fine. I am so sorry, Bella. I wish I could think of a way to make it up to you."

She took my hand again and held it tightly.

"Jasper, you've done more than that. You saved my baby, you brought her up, you looked after her for me and I can only imagine how hard that must have been for you. Did you do it alone or did you have a friend for help?"

"Friend? Oh, you mean Mary. She was sent by a friend of mine to help out when I decided to contact you. Up to that point, no one knew about Megan. Well, Darius did but I didn't know that at the time. He knows more or less everything so I guess I shoulda known."

"So, you've been all alone with Megan for two years? You're all she knows."

I nodded, "I tried to tell her about you but I couldn't say too much. I didn't want to poison her against her father, just in case."

"You are her father, Jasper. The only father she needs and you've acted like a father looking after her. Edward would have left her to die."

"If he knew she had survived."

She stared into my face still clutching my hands.

"Tell me the truth, Jasper. Do you think he knew she was still alive?"

I hesitated but I wasn't about to lie to her.

"If I could hear her heartbeat then he certainly could and she was warm. Either he was so panicked that he didn't notice or he knew and just wanted to get rid of her."

"And which do you think it was?"

"It's not for me to say Bella but he loved you. He was only interested in your survival, in saving you."

"So he abandoned her to die. I called Edward when I excused myself at the diner. I asked him about her. I asked him if he knew what sex our baby had been and do you know what he said?"

"I shook my head although I could probably have hazarded a good guess.

"He told me that our baby had been deformed. That it was for the best that it hadn't survived and that from what he could make out it was male. So you see, he did know, He knew we had a daughter and I think he knew she was still alive. I think he hoped she would die out there in the cold before anyone found her and for that, I will never forgive him. As far as I'm concerned Megan is not his, she never will be, and if he tries to come anywhere near her or take her away I swear I will kill him."

I was relieved by her words, I had felt that Edward was a threat to Megan from the first time I saw him with her.

"I can't say I'm unhappy to hear that. I don't think I could have contacted you if you had shown any inclination to stay with Edward. At the same time, I understand that I have no legal right to Megan or to tell you what to do. I just thought you should know how I feel."

"Megan said you got hurt protecting her."

I waved away her concerns, "As I said, I healed."

"OK, I understand if you don't want to talk about it."

Changing the subject I asked her if she needed to hunt while Meg was asleep.

"I know the elk blood you had for supper wasn't very palatable. There's plenty of wildlife around and I doubt you hunted the last couple of days."

It was the wrong direction to go.

"Talking about hunting how did you manage with a baby?"

"I found a way, Bella."

I could see Bella working things out and then her eyes widened.

"You not only store blood so you don't have to leave Meg but being injured and having

an infant who couldn't be left you turned back to human blood didn't you?"

I didn't say anything so she continued.

"Oh, God Jasper. I never realized the kind of sacrifices you had to make."

"Hey, they were my decisions to make and I made them. I don't regret anything I did, nor do I want any pity. What happened, happened and I'd rather not talk about it Bella if you don't mind.

She nodded her understanding.

"Consider the matter closed. Actually, I think I'll just have some more of that elk blood if there's any left."

I smiled, "Sure. Maybe it'll wash away the taste of those cookies."

With the atmosphere lightened once more, we sat together by the fire, drinking and talking about Christmases we remembered. Bella had far more memories than me and her Christmases were far more like those that I wanted for Megan.

"You've done great Jasper. I feel bad because I didn't have time for any Christmas shopping. I don't have anything for Megan."

I smiled, "I wouldn't worry. It seems that Mary has been very busy. There's a box full of gifts for you to give Meg from Santa. She hopes that they are the kind of things you would have chosen."

I could see Bella was touched by this act of thoughtfulness.

"Well, let's take a look shall we?"

I retrieved the box from the garage where Mary had hidden it from small prying eyes and Bella and I knelt down to explore its contents rather like kids ourselves.

Bella pulled out coloring books, pens, a pottery kit, painting by numbers, all kinds of craft things and smiled.

"These are just the kinds of things I would have loved as a kid and look, story books. You must let me thank your friend."

I grinned at the thought of Bella thanking Darius who would no doubt deny all knowledge of the deed.

I helped her wrap the gifts and then showed her the dolls house I had made whenever Meg was asleep or otherwise occupied.

"It's beautiful Jasper and it lights up. Did you make the curtains and furniture too?"

"Yeah but don't tell anyone. I don't think sewing and making toys go too well with my image as a fighter."

She lifted her head slightly to look at me through her curtain of hair and I could see she was blushing.

"I think seeing this side of you I understand better why you always confused me."

"What do you mean? I'm hardly an enigma."

"Everyone said how dangerous you were, how dark your past was yet I always felt there was something more to you. I felt you were far more sensitive and thoughtful than they gave you credit for. You're one hell of a man Jasper Whitlock."

"Whitlock?"

"Yes, after all, it is your real name isn't it?"

"Yes, it is. Although I don't hear it very often these days. It's usually Jasper Hale or the Major."

"Well, I think Jasper Whitlock is probably a mixture of the two. The best of both."

She sat up a little straighter and then leaned forward to kiss me on the cheek, a kiss as light as a butterflies touch.

"Thank you, Jasper, for everything."

I hesitated, feeling suddenly very awkward.

"You're welcome, Bella. I just wish I had done the right thing earlier."

Feeling there was nothing else to say right now we put Megan's toys in a sack under the tree filling her stocking with fruit, nuts, and small toys, a nod to my own childhood, then sat down again by the fire and listened to the music as the clock ticked the hours away and we waited for Megan to realize that Santa had been here. It was a magical time, so special that I was determined to file it away in my memory forever. This was the kind of memory that Edward had turned his back on and for what? So he could have Bella to himself? I didn't understand him, not at all.