"Your place or mine?" James asked, and he was still holding her hands as they walked up the stairs. He hadn't done that in a while, not since before they'd had their conversation about expectations and all that.

So it'd been an entire day. Apparently, Lily thought an entire day was a long time now.

"Very cute," She said, cutting him a look. "And Mary lost the remote to my tv, so I think we should head to yours."

"She lost it?" He laughed. He was in an awfully good mood. He didn't look at all confused. How nice for him.

"Yeah, that made it sound awfully tame, didn't it?" Lily shook her head. "She got angry about something we were watching the other day and threw it out my window. I don't think she meant to throw it out the window," James was laughing again. "But I need to get a new one. And I need to stop letting her come in my room."

"Alright, then we can use my room. She's yet to do anything to my remote." He squeezed her hand and she squeezed it back but then let go. She wasn't ready for this just yet.

"I think I'd like to change first. Get a few of my hairpins out and clean my face." She looked over her shoulder. "Also I need to find Moody and find out where the chocolate is…"

"I'll find the chocolate. I'll see you when you're ready, yeah?" She nodded and gave him a small smile. He stepped forward and kissed her temple before he spun back around to go toward the car.

Lily blinked after him and then headed toward her room in a daze.

Mary wasn't in her room when she got there. She pulled out her phone and texted her, falling backward onto her bed and kicking off her shoes as she did.

Lily: Where are you?

Mary: My room, why?

Lily: I'm officially engaged.

Lily was sure that she imagined the scream she heard down the hall.

She definitely did not imagine her door crashing open however, "Tell me everything."

Mary flopped down on the bed beside her and Lily sat up. "I'm too tired to tell you everything. And I don't have time to tell you everything right now. I've got to go and meet James in a few minutes.

Mary's brows were raised, and she was all but vibrating, but she asked, "Oh? And why are you meeting up with James in a few minutes?"

"I'm not going to go and mess up his hair, Mary." She sighed, reaching up and pulling pins out of her own hair. Her newly adorn ring snagged in her hair and that caught Mary's attention. She yanked her hand over so she could inspect it.

"It's lovely. And I'm sure you'll mess up his hair sooner or later." This was said in a consoling tone. Lily rolled her eyes.

Lily was quiet for a minute, and instead of thinking that she was working up the nerve to tell her that she'd already been the reason, Mary just let her gather her thoughts. "It was sort of the perfect proposal." She bit her lip. "It all felt a little too… real?"

Mary nodded and her smile dropped. She sat up and tucked her hair behind her ears. "What do you mean?"

So Lily did her best to explain herself. She told her about the Hallmark movies and the chocolate and James' smiling and hand holding and how easy it was to talk to him and how he'd changed his plans of how he was going to propose after listening to her go on about how much she loved cheesie movies and whatnot.

She didn't say anything after she'd stopped talking either, because she knew Lily wasn't done yet. Sometimes Mary was pretty great.

"James seems pretty perfect, right?" Mary shrugged.

"Seems like you might be thinking that. Is that a bad thing? I mean, you are marrying him." Mary said this calmly, with no double meaning or innuendo.

Lily sighed and ran her hands through her hair as she took out the last of her pins. "You know what I kept thinking tonight? That James and I could have had something real if things had happened differently. If we had met under normal circumstances. Like if he'd asked me to dance at a ball and made a witty remark about how terrible at dancing I am. Or if we'd met at uni, or after I'd become the queen because that stupid law didn't exist." She tossed her coat onto her desk and then reached for the zipper on the back of her dress as she walked into her closet.

"Again, none of that sounds like a bad thing. If you like him- which I'm not saying that you do- but if you do, doesn't that make this all easier?"

"No!" Lily stepped out of her dress and pulled on a pair of pajamas. "No, it doesn't make things easier."

"So you do-"

"Yes, Mary, I think I like him."

"You think?"

"I do. Alright, I do like him! Which would have been nice to know before he was proposing to me, but there you have it. My fiancé is pretty great and I'm completely thick and last night I basically gave him the 'we should just be friends' talk."

"Idiot." Mary muttered.

Lily didn't want to look at Mary to see her 'I told you so' face, but she looked anyway. Instead, Mary was giving her a very confused face. "Then what are you so upset about? I mean, clearly the boy-"

"Stop." Lily shook her head. "Don't tell me that 'clearly James' anything, because it's not clear. He's here because I picked him out of a stack of names, if some other girl had called his name, he'd be there instead. He didn't choose this, same as I didn't. So, maybe I fancy him a bit, but that doesn't make anything better because I'm still stuck in a situation that I don't want to be in. Things could be worse, I know that, I'm lucky to be marrying someone that I enjoy spending time with, but things could be a lot better too."

Mary nodded, "I want to sit here and complain about how you love to make things more difficult than they are, but I can't do that. If someone told me that Reggie was my only option, he'd be a lot less appealing to me. I get it. As much as I can anyway."

Lily nodded, glad that Mary wasn't going to argue with her just then. She was sure that it'd come later, but she was too tired to argue properly right then. She still had to go and see James in his room. For the second night in a row.

She almost laughed out loud when she thought about how they'd talked about what their expectations were last night, and how different things were already.

She shook her head instead, not wanting to invite anymore questions. She walked into the bathroom to clean her face and then walked back out and grabbed her phone. James had texted her.

James Potter: Should I be getting hot chocolate as well? Or is that too much chocolate?

Lily Evans: There is no such thing as too much chocolate. I'll grab it, you don't know the right way to make it.

James Potter: You don't know that

Lily Evans: I just have a gut feeling

She slid her phone into her pocket and looked up at Mary, who was still giving her a soft, sort of careful look. "I'm fine," She said, tucking back a lock of her hair. "I'm not going to fall apart or anything. Tonight was just weird."

"The pictures aren't out yet."

Lily nodded, "I'm sure they'll be up soon." She started toward her door, but then paused with her hand on the knob. "You want to know the strangest thing? I wasn't even thinking about how many people were watching us, I wasn't looking for the reporters or listening for the cameras. I was just there." She shook her head and then walked out of the room.

oOo

She was almost done with the hot chocolate when she heard footsteps on the spiral staircase behind her.

"I'm almost done," She said without turning around, assuming that James had grown impatient and come to find her.

"Oh, don't rush on my account," Lily almost jumped at the sound of Bertram's voice. She hadn't seen him in a couple of days. His smile seemed to lack some of its usual shine and his hair was a mess. How strange that tonight James' hair wasn't a mess and Bertram's was.

"Good evening, Bertram."

"Evening, Lily." He walked over to the stove and put a kettle on before walking over to find himself a mug. "It's been a while."

"It has. How is your uncle?"

"He's fine," Bertram shrugged. "Did your sister enjoy the rest of her stay?"

"She did." She nodded.

"I hear that congratulations are in order." She looked over at him and saw that he was looking at the ring on her left hand. She'd been playing with it while she worked on the hot chocolate. If he really had heard, then that meant the pictures were out. Lily wasn't sure that she wanted to see them just yet.

"Well, thank you." She said, even though he hadn't really congratulated her.

"Yeah, it's a pretty ring."

"It was his grandmother's ring. She was married for seventy years." She smiled down at the ring for a moment and then looked back at her tray. She was just waiting for the milk to warm up enough to melt the chocolate and then she'd be ready to leave. She had marshmallows and whipped cream and candy canes as well.

"Seventy years is a long time." He didn't say that like it was a good thing.

"Yes," Lily nodded, deciding that they needed pretzels to cut through all the sweets. "I think it's good luck."

"I suppose you could see it that way." He shrugged. He was looking through tea bags now, not looking at her. She bit her tongue and looked over his profile for a moment.

"Are you alright?" She asked quietly.

He looked over at her and his smile was false. "Of course, why wouldn't I be."

"I don't know."

He nodded at the tray, "You and Mary celebrating?"

Lily looked back at the tray and felt her phone buzz in her pocket. "Um, no." She pulled her phone out.

James Potter: I feel like I have to admit that I would have made the hot chocolate wrong if it takes this long

Lily Evans: It's a test of patience. Five minutes

She pocketed her phone.

"Ah," He nodded, as though that had answered his question. "He's managed to seduce you then." Lily narrowed her brow, but kept her gaze on her own kettle.

"What? No, he hasn't." But she should have responded with something else, because this just made Bertram turn to face her.

"Oh?"

"We're friends." She shrugged, still looking at the kettle. "And we're getting married, so we're spending time together, that's a good thing, isn't it?" She looked at him, realizing that she shouldn't have added the question at the end there.

"I don't know, is it? Do you want to spend time with him, or do you feel like you have to?" He motioned to her ring. "Do you want to spend the next seventy years with him?"

She felt like she'd just been slapped. "Why are you being mean?" She asked, opening the lid of her kettle and stirring the milk. It was a solid chocolatey color now and so she picked up the kettle and set it on her trey.

"I'm not being mean, I'm just asking you what you want. Apparently no one else will."

Lily clenched her fists at her side and then reached up to grab the handles of the tray. "It's none of your business what I want."

She started walking away with the tray. "It's just a shame is all," He said, but she didn't stop walking. She was to the stairs when she heard him say. "It's a shame that he's not what you want."

oOo

It was quite a task to knock on James' door, she had to balance the tray to do so, but he opened it rather quickly and laughed when he saw how overboard she had gone with everything. She smiled at him as he took the tray, trying to get Bertram's voice out of her head. She hadn't seen him in days, and that was how he greeted her? After the day she'd had, that was the last thing she needed from him.

"Now I see why it took so long."

Lily shook her head. "Heating up the milk and melting the chocolate takes the longest. I collected all the extras while I was waiting."

"Pretzels?" He asked, looking over the goodies. "I've never had pretzels with hot chocolate before."

"They aren't really for the hot chocolate, they're just a non-sweet snack." She shrugged.

"Ah, good thinking." He set the tray down on the coffee table in front of the tv and then sat back against the couch. He'd been busy too it seems. There were pillows and blankets covering the couch, and she knew that it hadn't been like that yesterday.

He'd also laid out all the chocolate they'd brought from the confectionary and found a bottle of champagne and two flutes. She looked at the alcohol and then at him. He shrugged and then laughed.

"We just got engaged, I think we're allowed champagne." Lily conceded and then fell onto the couch as well. She tugged a soft blanket up around her legs and then reached for the remote.

"Alright, let's see what I can find." She didn't bother going to any streaming service or the Hallmark app that she and Mary had subscribed to last month, because she knew that the Hallmark channel was still playing Christmas movies, despite it being the middle of January. She clicked to the channel she had memorized.

James was looking at her while she looked over their options. "Oh, there's a dog in this one." She said, clicking on it and rewinding so they could watch it from the beginning. He was still looking at her. "What's up?" She asked, turning to look at him. "You haven't even poured the hot chocolate yet."

"I just," He started and then closed his eyes and leaned forward to pour the hot chocolate. "I wanted to talk about what happened this evening." She raised her brow and paused the movie, even though she really wanted to use the movie as an excuse for why they couldn't talk just then.

He handed her a mug. She let the warmth seep into her hands and then took a breath. "You want to talk about the engagement?" She tapped her fingers against the side of the mug and the ring she now wore made a clinking sound.

"Yeah," He nodded, looking at her fingers, though he couldn't see the ring from where he was sitting. He opened his mouth and then shut it again. "I just wanted to let you know that I meant everything I said. I said what I said for you."

She took a sip from her mug and nodded. "Thank you." And then she cringed. He laughed and she looked over at him.

"You're welcome,"

"Piss off," She muttered. "But I could tell that you weren't reading some script or anything. It wasn't like there were people close enough to hear us. And clearly you took advantage of me telling you how to make me blush just hours before, but I forgive you for that." Did her voice sound weird? Was she making sense? Her brain felt like it was trying to function from within a puddle.

He chuckled again and nodded, "Yes, that's clearly what I wanted to talk about. I was very worried that you wouldn't forgive me for making you blush." He was still looking at her and she was still looking at him and he still looked like he had more to say, but neither of them were saying anything.

"You clearly have something on your mind." Lily said after another moment of silence.

"I do."

"Well, it's probably best to just spit it out."

"Probably."

More silence. "James,"

"It's easier said than done."

"Yes, but it's getting late and we still have a movie to watch. We can't just stare at each other all night." James sighed and let his head fall back against the couch, now looking up at the ceiling instead of at her. Then he sat up and looked at her again, pulling his legs up on the couch.

"I feel like we had a moment today." He said, and Lily waited for more, but he didn't say anything more. So she nodded.

"Probably a few." She agreed, because there was no point in lying. She was trying to remain honest with him after all.

"What were you thinking?" He asked. "When I pulled out the ring, I mean. I couldn't read the look on your face."

He hadn't expected the tears. Neither had she.

Lily bit her tongue.

It's a shame that he's not what you want.

That hadn't been what she was thinking. She shook her head. "I was thinking a lot of things of course. You picked the perfect place to do it, that's for sure."

James quirked a brow. "That lets me know almost nothing."

Lily gave him half a smile and then ran a hand through her hair. His hair was still neat, she wondered how he'd managed that. "Alright, I thought about how that was the only proposal I would get, and how it was like you'd picked it out of a movie. I was thinking about how the sky was pink and how people still had their Christmas lights up on their shops. I was thinking about how even though it looked perfect, it wasn't real. I was thinking about how nice it would be if it was real. I was thinking about how either one of us were interchangeable to that moment. If I'd picked someone else, they would have proposed to me and if someone else had drawn your card sooner, you would have proposed to them instead. I was thinking about how wonderful you are and how lucky I am, and how I should have known what you were going on about when you first mentioned a surprise."

His brows were far up his forehead when she stopped speaking and she let out a huff of laughter. "I told you it was a lot."

He took a breath in through his nose and nodded slowly. "Can I offer a rebuttal?"

Lily frowned, "I'm not sure that makes much sense here, but I'll allow it."

"That proposal was real." He countered, his voice firm and his eyes set on hers with an intensity that she wasn't used to. "You keep saying things like that, and I understand why, but I don't agree with you. Someone else could have drawn my card, or you could have picked up someone else's' profile, but you didn't and we're here together making choices that are going to affect the life that we share." She opened her mouth to argue and he shook his head and pressed on.

"I didn't have to propose tonight. You made that clear. And you didn't have to say yes. My proposing and you accepting makes things easier for the both of us in this moment of our lives, but it is not our only choice. I didn't say anything that I didn't mean, I didn't make any promises that I can't keep. We may not be in this for love, but that doesn't mean it's not real."

She had to stop herself from nodding along, because while she agreed with what he was saying, she didn't want him to think that she was taking it lightly. He had missed her point. Their not being in love was the point. She knew that this was still real, but it still wasn't what she wanted.

It's a shame that he's not what you want.

Lily bit her tongue again and tried to get Bertram's voice out of her head. That wasn't even the problem-

"You give good hugs," He interrupted her thoughts, which was probably a good thing because thinking too much was a dangerous game today.

"What?"

"You give good hugs." He shrugged. "I've never told you that, but it's true."

She snorted, "Well thank you. I'm going to start the movie now." She took a sip of her drink and then pressed play. An upbeat holiday tune started playing. "Also, why didn't you fix your hair?"

His ears were red again and he was focusing on the tv. "I was going to make a joke about it, but now I don't know."

"What does that mean?"

James sighed, "I was going to make a joke. You know, about how you could fix it for me." Lily pressed her lips together to keep from laughing, because his ears were still red and he wasn't looking at her and he'd clearly lost his nerve to make the joke after she'd unloaded on him instead of giving him an easy answer to his question. It wouldn't be nice to laugh at him now as well.

But then he looked at her, and she started laughing anyway. And despite his red ears, he was smiling at her.

She put her mug down and without stopping to think about it, she reached over with both her hands and started messing up his hair. And then he was laughing, a hand resting on her waist and she was still laughing, but also thinking about how soft his hair was even with whatever product he'd used to tame it.

She went to pull her hands out and her left hand stuck.

"Ow!" He said through his laughter, reaching up and gripping her wrist to stop her from pulling again.

"Oh no," She got up on her knees and scooted closer so she could look at the mess she'd made with her impulsiveness. "James, I'm so sorry." He was still laughing and holding her wrist.

"It's fine. I know that you and Mary have a thing for my hair, I shouldn't have teased you."

Lily used her right hand to pinch his arm, "Teased me? Am I supposed to just let you get away with that? My hand is literally stuck in your hair right now, I can cause problems for you very easily."

"Letting me get away with it would be nice," James ran his thumb up and down her wrist and Lily reached into his hair again to untangle the ring.

"Well I suppose I can be nice since I've already pulled out some of your hair." She got the last of his hair untangled and sat back on her legs. Her hand was in his now, and his thumb ran over the ring. "I've got to learn how to wield this thing."

"I didn't realize that they could be dangerous." James agreed.

"I hit you in the face when I met you, and ripped your hair out with the ring you gave me after you proposed. I'm on a role." Lily muttered, leaning into the back of the couch and taking some of the blanket that James had draped over his lap so that she could cover her legs as well, now that her's was lost behind her and James still had a hold of her left hand. "Also, you're missing the entire beginning of the movie," She nodded toward the screen, where a young baker was talking to her dog in the back of her bakery, both of them were wearing Christmas sweaters.

"I'm paying attention," He lied, and turned to face the tv again. They were quiet for a few moments, long enough for Lily to remember the movie and settle into the storyline. "You know what you didn't mention when you were listing all the things you were thinking about earlier?"

"How I get to shove this rock in Lord Rosier's face this week?" She shot back. "Though, that thought just struck me and I'm very excited about it."

James chuckled. "No, you didn't mention the rest of the people who were there."

Lily looked away from the tv for a moment and nodded. "Yeah, I noticed that too."

"Does that mean-"

"James," She looked at him again, and held his gaze this time. "Let's watch the movie, yeah?" He looked over her face and she thought that he was going to try and continue the conversation despite her plea, and she'd have been honest with him if he had. But after another moment, he sighed and nodded.

"Alright," He squeezed her hand. "And if you want to play with my hair again, that would be alright with me. Just use your right hand." She snorted and reached up and tugged on a lock of his hair.

"I can do just as much damage with my right hand."

"You have a weird fascination with injuring me," James leaned his head back on the couch and then let go of her hand and threw his arm around the back of the couch. Lily leaned forward for her hot chocolate and then leaned back against him.

"Yeah, well, you won't stop teasing me. What am I supposed to do?"

"Refrain from pulling my hair and hitting me?"

"Nah," She grinned into her mug. "Hand me some chocolate, please."

He clicked his tongue, "You want me to get you things even though you're not being nice to me?"

"You're not being nice to me either," She reminded him.

"Ridiculous. I'm not pulling your hair."

"Sure, but you are making fun of me and that might be worse."

"Ridiculous." He repeated, but then he pulled her closer.

She sighed and leaned against him.

Things weren't easy, but they were figuring them out.

Slowly.

They had time for that.

AN: So there were a lot of feelings in this chapter, yeah? Let me know how you're feeling in a review!