From BookRookie12: Holmes sends a message
Addendum
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle blinked twice,
Reread the ink-stained note,
Then sighed, and called the editor,
For this is what Holmes wrote...
~0~
Dear Doyle,
You act as agent for my sounding board and friend;
Please add this to each story
Or your source of tales will end.
I'm not the type of person
Who would make an idle threat,
And, as you know, from Watson's work,
I've not been bettered yet.
An unintended consequence
Of uninvited fame,
Has caused me inconvenience,
And put me off my game.
So, here's my full addendum;
My sincere and calm response.
Act now, or my renowned good will,
Will be withdrawn at once...
~0~
Dear Reader,
I would beg a few mere minutes of your time;
Before you plumb whole heartedly
The depths of vice and crime.
By all means gain some pleasure from the workings of my brain;
But please, consider carefully, what should in fact be plain.
Regardless of temptation, if my work has touched you so,
Please don't put pen to paper, for I do not need to know!
I do not need an avalanche of letters every day.
A gushing tide of pointless praise can truly spoil my day.
And ladies, in particular, should clearly understand;
I do not want a wedding ring, prefer a speckled band!
Miss Adler, too, is not who I have pined for, my whole life;
A fascinating foe, indeed, but no potential wife.
You do not hold that special key which might unlock my heart,
A hundred of you, maybe more, have claimed this, for a start!
I thrive on intellectual pursuits, and happenstance;
I have no views on all the stuff and nonsense of romance.
Don't send me scented handkerchiefs, or lines of fulsome prose,
(I wish the doctor never penned my words upon a rose.)
I don't require another close associate and friend;
A female Watson substitute is not what I intend.
I cannot sort your marriage out, I will not find your cat,
I won't deduce your inner soul, so do not send your hat!
And Watson's declaration of just what his wound was worth,
Applies to him, and only him, There's nothing to unearth!
And pipes, yes, I'll admit that I smoke several, happily
But need no more, and all received have gone to charity.
And finally the type of hat devised for stalking deer;
I only need but one of them, not hundreds, is that clear?
Please learn from my adventures and embrace each written word,
But don't presume you know me, you do not, that's quite absurd.
Continue in this vein, and I shall move to foreign shores,
And you will read of my untimely death,
Sincerely Yours...
~0~