Chapter 15 Astronomy Tower

Harry's mood the next day, wasn't the best. He didn't stop to chat with students in the corridors, like he usually did. He didn't wear his usual enthusiastic smile. And he didn't bring his classes to laughter (or groans) by making bad jokes.

Neville had asked him if he was okay. Apparently the whole staff knew about Draco and Harry's fight by now. They had actually been waiting for it to happen, sooner or later. Nobody knew what the fight was about though. Draco and Harry certainly wouldn't tell anyone what it was about.

When Harry thought about it afterwards, it seemed really stupid. Something so small that had just blown up out of nowhere.

And he wasn't an 'Affection starved puppy', thank you very much. Just because he had a social life and Draco didn't.

Draco hadn't seemed to be in a much better mood either. He had glared at anyone who tried to talk to him, and he had left breakfast early.

After classes Harry shut himself inside his quarters, busying himself with work. He ordered dinner from a house elf, and ate by himself.

It wasn't all too lonely. It was better than having his colleagues pestering him about his mood, or his fight with Draco. It was nice to have some time for himself… he told himself.

Harry sighed to the empty room. He threw down the stack of papers he had been reading, next to his empty plate on the coffee table. He stretched and drew a hand through his hair. The clock was almost midnight, and he had been working nonstop for hours.

Some fresh air would be nice.

He could just open a window, but he felt like a walk could do him some good too. Harry brought a warm cloak from his bedroom and exited his quarters.

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Harry had been walking aimlessly through the empty corridors for a while. It was long past curfew, and he had had the luck of not running into any of his patrolling colleagues. He had been walking higher and higher up in the castle and, was now, at the bottom of the stairs, that lead up to the Astronomy tower.

He hesitated. Should he go up there or walk back to his quarters?

It was probably cold up there... but he had a warm cloak.

He decided that some space and air would be good for him. So he walked up the stairs.

. ´, * # * , ´.

The air was cold, but also refreshing. Harry took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He stood still for a moment. Just listening to the night and feeling a crisp wind, as it stroked his cheek.

He could hear owls, out on their nightly hunts, screeching as they flew by. But as he listened, he could hear something else.

It sounded like a sob. Maybe even a whine?

Harry scrunched his eyebrows and opened his eyes.

His eyes scanned the tower. The half moon shone brightly on the night sky, but the shadows in the tower tricked his eyes.

He heard another soft sob and saw a person. A person, standing on the other side of the tower, looking out over the lake. The person hadn't noticed him yet. It wore a long black cloak with the hood up.

Harry's first thought was that it was a upset student out after curfew. But by the height of the shadow, he knew it wasn't a child. Maybe a seventh year?

Harry considered if he should walk up to the person or say something, when the shadow let out a distressed whimper. The person griped the banister like it was a life line, and shook hard from the sobs.

Whoever this was, they certainly weren't alright.

Harry walked towards the person. The little sound he made, as he moved, got lost in the wind, so the person didn't hear him. He was a few feet away from the sobbing person when a extra strong breeze went over the tower, and the hood of the persons cloak fell off.

Platinum blond hair shone in the moonlight. Harry froze.

"Draco?" Harry asked, and he saw Draco tense up. He didn't turn around, but the shaking decreased.

"What are you doing up here?" Harry continued.

He heard a few pitiful snivels.

"I needed some air," Draco said with a hoarse voice.

Harry walked a few steps closer, until he stood a foot behind Draco. He still couldn't see the other mans face.

"You can leave Potter," he heard Draco whisper. "I'm fine."

Harry stood silently for a moment, contemplating his choices. But he knew almost immediately that he couldn't leave. Maybe he had a bit of a hero complex after all.

"I know I promised to stop bothering you," Harry shifted a bit, "but you're obviously not fine. I'm not gonna leave you like this…"

It seemed like Draco was trying to collect himself, but after only a minute he broke down sobbing again.

Harry walked up next to Draco, turning towards him.

He could see that the blond had his eyes clenched, just like his fists around the banister. Tear tracks down his cheeks. Disheveled hair. Harry had never seen Draco look so… broken.

"You need to stop isolating yourself. You need to open up. Talk to someone," Harry said. "You don't have to be alone…"

"I wasn't alone. I had he-her," Draco stuttered out between wretched sobs, "but n-now I'm alone… and so, so lost. I miss her every day. It just hurts so much, it feels like I'm dr-drowning."

Harry placed a hand on Draco's arm, and Draco opened his eyes. He stared at Harry's hand and, slowly, unclenched his fists around the banister.

"I don't know how to go on," he whispered.

Then he broke down again. Tears flowing over. Breath coming out rasped and unstable.

Harry stoked Draco's arm while the other man cried his heart out.

"W-why her?" Draco choked out. "W-hy Scorpius? Why u-us?"

Harry took Draco into his arms. He didn't care at this point if they should hate each other. He didn't care that they were fighting. Actually he couldn't even care to even remember their fight at this point.

Draco hid his face on Harry's shoulder and his body shook as he continued to cry.

"It will get better," Harry whispered. "I know it doesn't feel that way now… but it will. You still have Scorpius, and he has you. You will get through this."

Harry wasn't sure if Draco could hear his words through the sobs, but he hoped he could at least hear his soothing tone.

They stood still. Harry embracing Draco as he cried. Rubbing small circles on his back.

"I'm shaking..." Draco stated numb, after a few minutes.

"Come. Let's sit down," Harry said and pulled them both down.

He cast a quick warming charm over them, as they sat down on the cold stone floor.

He continued to hold Draco in his arm, and the other man continued crying. His breathing had been irregular for some time now, because of the crying, and Harry was getting a bit worried.

"Draco, I need you to calm down," he whispered into the other man's ear. "Try to take deep breaths. Breathe In. Breathe Out."

Harry took a few deep breaths himself, so that Draco could try to follow.

It worked for a while. But after a few breaths Draco started weeping again.

"I c-can't," his voice cracked. "It's too much. All too much."

"Hey, it's okay," Harry said and patted Draco's hair with a hand. "Try again, deep breaths."

Draco tried again, but it still didn't work. Harry lifted Draco's head off his shoulder and held it between his hands. He looked into Draco's red puffy eyes.

"It's alright. I'm here," he stroked his thumb over Draco's cheek. "do you trust me?"

Draco gave a small nod.

"Okay," Harry said and he gently hugged Draco to himself again. But this time he rested Draco's head against his chest.

"Listen to my heartbeat," he said in a gentle voice. "Can you hear it?" a small nod. "Good. Focus on that."

Slowly his mind stopped running. It slowed down and he gradually became more aware of his surroundings.

He could hear the owls.

He could feel the wind.

He could see the sky.

He heard Harry's steady heartbeat.

He let out fewer sobs and hiccups. He still had silent tears trailing down his cheeks. But his breaths were deep and regular.

"This is so embarrassing," Draco's voice was muffled by Harry's chest.

"There's nothing to be ashamed of," Harry said firmly. "You needed to vent. It's good for you. Showing emotion doesn't make you weak, quite the opposite I would say."

Draco nodded.

They sat silent for a while. The wind had decreased, and they had the warming charm to keep them warm.

"It's her birthday today you know?" Draco whispered. "Or it should've been I mean."

Harry took a second to digest it.

"I'm sorry," Harry said. "You really loved her, didn't you?"

To Harry's surprise, Draco's whole body tensed.

"Yes," a very croaky voice answered. "But not in that way."

Harry scrunched his eyebrows. Not in that way? Not in what way?

"What do you mean?" Harry asked before he could stop himself.

Draco sighted and drew back from Harry. He wiped his eyes on his sleeve before he answered.

"Well… It was an arranged marriage. Not by our parents of course. My parents always wanted me to marry someone 'more pure by blood'," Draco paused. "I never loved Astoria in a romantic way. She was my best friend. My sister in everything but blood. I loved her as such, but never as anything more."

Draco stared at the floor. Harry wondered if he was going to continue. He didn't want to push, so he waited. Eventually Draco started talking again.

"It just makes everything worse. She never got to marry for love. She loved me like a brother too. She was always there. She truly was my best friend," Draco let out a small sob.

"I'm scared."

Harry was shocked by the revelation. He blinked a few times as he processed the information he received.

"What are you scared of?" Harry asked.

"Of being alone, raising Scorpius by myself, moving on," Draco said. "Finding love."

"Okay, first of. You're not alone Draco. You have Scorpius, you have me," Harry didn't hesitate to mention himself, "not to mention a whole castle full of people."

Draco let out a breezy chuckle.

"You can raise Scorpius by yourself. It will be hard at times, but you can do it. He really is a great kid. Moving on will be hard too, but don't you think Astoria would've wanted you to do so?" Harry gave Draco an encouraging smile. "Why are you afraid of finding love?"

"Because she never got to marry someone she loved," Draco whispered.

"By the sound of it, you didn't have that chance either," Harry said. "Don't you think that she would have wanted you to take a chance if you could? It might be to late for her, but it doesn't have to be for you."

Draco looked conflicted. Like he wanted to listen, but also wanted to go back to his self pitying.

"Live the life she never got," Harry said, hoping it was the right thing to say. "I'm sure there's a woman out there for you, that will make you happy."

Harry was surprised when Draco started laughing. First it was just a snort, but it turned into a sort of… giggling? Harry never thought he had heard Draco giggle before.

When Draco stopped laughing he said.

"I'm gay Harry."

It clicked for Harry. Suddenly all he could think about was how blind he must've been to not have seen it earlier.

"Well, then I'm sure there's a man out there that will make you happy," Harry said.

Draco smiled, but it was a rather sad smile.

"I think we should go back to our quarters. See if we can get at least a couple of hours of sleep, hopefully," Harry said.

Draco nodded and they stood up.

"You can always come to me Draco," Harry said. "And I want to apologize for the fight we had yesterday. I think it was mostly my fault it even started..."

"I'm sorry to. I have to admit, I went a bit to far," Draco answered.

"It's okay," Harry said.

They walked in silence down the stairs to the Astronomy tower and through the empty corridors. When they came to the corridor were their ways parted they stopped.

Draco turned to Harry.

"Goodnight, Harry." Draco said.

"Goodnight, Draco."

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When Draco laid down in his bed that same night, almost early morning, he saw the chocolate card on his nightstand. Harry in it usually wandered away ,to god knows were, but now he was there. Giving Draco that gentle smile.

"Thank you," Draco whispered. He hadn't been able to say it to Harry, but he could say it to the card.

Harry's smile grew a little, and Draco turned off the lights. Falling into a good night's sleep.

Authors note:

Please keep leaving reviews! (And thank you to everyone who does!)

I wanted to clarify that this is a slow burn. Draco and Harry isn't enemies anymore, but at the beginning of the fanfic they're still FAR from friends. I want to build a friendship between them first (with some flirting ofc, but not too much) the chemistry and feelings will grow, but slowly.