A/N: Quick turn around this time because I initially wrote last chapter and this one as one huge chapter, but decided to split it for content's sake.
Continually overwhelmed by your feedback and support. I am forever blown away by your hatred for Emily. Of course, she's terrible, but I still carry some sort of empathy for her and her trauma. I'm fine with being the only one though, so carry on with your dislike.
Hopefully this chapter gives you all a little bit of hope for Alison's sake! :)
"What the fuck have I done?"
Emily pounded her fist against the fireplace gently as she considered every potential misstep she had made over the past 3 weeks. She opened the fist still flush against the wall staring at her new engagement ring, which at this moment made Emily sick to her stomach. Beyond the previous few weeks, Emily questioned when exactly she made the first wrong move.
It couldn't have been the separation. They both had agreed to the separation. Hadn't they?
November 2017
Emily and Pam drug themselves out of Pam's hatchback only nine weeks after Olivia's birth. The first official freeze of the winter had hit a few days before, which seemed to make the drive up to the prison feel astronomically longer than the week before. After getting Livvy out of her car seat, Emily quickly passed her off her grandma. Not because Emily didn't have the desire to hold her daughter, but because her mind was preoccupied with more significant concerns. On conversations Emily had been ruminating on since the day after her last visit. None of the visits since their daughter's birth had been bad, per se, but Emily could sense the mounting tension between them. At Alison's inability to hold Olivia. At their inability to kiss or even hold hands. At the thought of Emily's next 327 weekends revolving around making Alison's visit a priority.
Sitting in the visiting area, Emily held Olivia against her chest, attempting to ward off her continued colic. She pedaled her legs back and forth, willing the medication given before they left the house to keep working throughout the next hour for their visit. Emily smiled at the staff member that called her by name to the back of the visitors' section for communication. She passed Olivia back off to Pam before placing a kiss on her daughter's cheek, whispering 'I love you,' and walking through the screening area to be body searched.
No more than 10 minutes later was Emily sitting in front of her wife, who appeared to have either just woken up or not slept at all.
"Hey there," Alison spoke as soon as Emily placed the phone up to her ear.
"Hi. I missed you, Al."
"You have no idea, babe. Is Liv here today?"
Emily looked behind her, "Yeah. She's out with mom in the waiting area today. I brought photos, but I kind of wanted our conversation today to be just about us."
"I understand, Emmy. It's good to see you. I will take what I can get." Alison placed her thumb on the glass between them while she rubbed back and forth, hoping that the care and comfort would seep through the over 3 inches of glass separating them. "I love you."
"I love you, too, Ali. More than you know…" They both exhaled simultaneously, "What's been going on? You don't look very good." Emily asked.
"Ouch." Alison held a hand against her heart as if personally affected. She smiled sweetly though back at her wife, "No, you're right. I'm not doing very good right now. All of this is just a lot to take on. I have 23 hours a day to dwell on the lives I effected that reserved me a place in this prison. And every week that I see you, I can tell that you are struggling as a single mother, too, and I worry that there's no way for me to be enough for you. It's my constant worry."
Emily kept her eyes looking toward her lap, "This is really hard, Ali. For both of us. It hurts so fucking badly to see you looking so internally lost. The main reason I left Liv in the front is I wanted to talk about something with you, and I don't want you to be mad or upset at all. I think it will end up being better for both of us. But I think we should consider – "
" – a separation?" Alison mumbled on the other side of the phone, sending shock straight through Emily. "Don't look at me like that, Em. I know you better than I know myself. You're not happy."
She sighed, both out of relief and out of internal torture, "I'm happy with you, but when I only see you for an hour each week, it gets challenging. I just don't know how to become a better version of myself right now. I feel stuck."
"I don't want you to feel that way, Em. We both shouldn't feel like we're in jail... It's hard not being able to do anything for you during all of this. It's hard feeling responsible for both of our emotions from hundreds of miles away from each other."
"And if we work this out somehow, you're still going to want to be with me when you get out?"
"I think that question more applies to you, Emily. Who the fuck am I going to meet behind bars?"
"Oh? Surrounded by dozens of women daily?"
"They all pale in comparison to you, sweetheart. I'll be here for you for as long as you will have me. I'm not going anywhere."
Emily exhaled her first unobstructed breath in a matter of minutes, "Okay… How do we do this?"
"Well, I'll have to reach out to my lawyer and Jason. I'm not sure how all of this works with me on this side of the glass, but I'll make sure you're taken care of. Just promise me that you and Livvy will still come to visit."
Is that where it happened? Though Olivia came to visit her mother at least every other month, after that day, Emily could never return. It hurt her too badly to see and sense the heartbreak taking place before her very eyes. The only attempt she could make toward connection came in the form of a letter once a week, along with their nearly daily phone calls. But from the time Alison came home, she knew that nothing had gone right. The mental breakdown Alison was having in Spencer's arms just outside their backdoor began and ended with Emily's selfishness. And for as much as Emily realized this, as much as she resonated with the idea that Alison's heartbreak was her fault, she knew she couldn't go backward. She couldn't rewind conversations, events, or choices.
But even though she knew it was impossible, Emily knew that she would've given anything to still be engaged to Maya, while not breaking Alison's heart in two.
"Em?" Maya's hand on Emily's shoulder sent her jumping into the air. "You alright? We need to go fix our plates."
"She's not lying about the house, My. I need to go and apologize."
"What are you talking about, Emily? You don't owe her anything. Just like with your separation, she's trying to trap you in this marriage. We're moving forward, and that scares the shit out of her."
"No? What are you talking about? She never has tried to trap me."
"So all of the stipulations in your separation agreement that you two had to stay in contact? That wasn't a control tactic?"
"Wasn't that just so she wouldn't lose contact with Liv?" Emily asked, questioning her own version of events.
"Whatever helps you sleep at night, babe. But I watched your demeanor change daily when you spoke to her on the phone."
Emily pulled Maya's into the hallway behind them as she saw Jason and Aria peek their heads into the living room from the kitchen, "Because I was fucking lying to her!" She whispered once she knew they were alone again.
"I'm not going through this again. You are separated. You've done nothing wrong, and she's still trying to manipulate you into feeling guilty. We fell in love, Emily. Don't feel guilty about that."
"That's not what I feel guilty about. Of course, I am so happy that your love fell into my lap." Emily placed a tender kiss against her fiancée, trying to keep a delicate balance between her wants and needs.
"Good. Come on, let's go eat. Trust me, there's no need to apologize for anything that has happened today. She's the one who called you an asshole. She's the one trying to prevent us from being together by looping you into some fucked up contract to build a home. The sooner you realize that you don't need Alison DiLaurentis, the better off you'll be, my love."
Emily exhaled, "You're right. Today is not the day. If I still feel this way later, I can schedule something with her then."
"Exactly, beautiful. Let's not put any more of a dent into Christmas than we need to." Maya placed their connected hands against her face as they kissed once more, "I love you."
"I love you, too."
Walking back into the living room area, both Maya and Emily were now both in the direct line of sight of the dining room table. Spencer, Wren, Aria, and Jason were all already seated, staring directly back at them. They watched as three of four snapped their heads to the plates before Spencer smacked Wren in the back of the head to follow suit.
"It's okay, My. Give them time," Emily whispered, holding her fiancée's hand tightly as they walked back into the kitchen.
"Plate?" Alison asked as they turned the corner, extending a beige plate in Emily's direction over the island. Tears were still collected in the corner of her eye, which she tried to wipe away discreetly.
"Oh, thanks," Emily replied, as she passed the plate off the Maya before facing back in Alison's direction as though she may pass another plate their way.
But Alison shook her head, "Nope. She can get her own."
As Alison spun on her heel to get more mashed potatoes, Emily grabbed the back of Maya shirt as she took an aggressive step toward Alison. "Don't you dare," Emily whispered under the breath.
"Don't you dare." Maya spat back. "Do something."
"It's her house. Stand down."
"You heard her, My." Alison said over her shoulder, mockingly, "Stand down."
"Alison." Emily replied harshly, "It's Christmas; both of you stop."
Alison laughed, setting down her plate behind her, "That sure didn't stop you from essentially spitting in my face this morning, babe."
"I was meaning to apologize for that. There was no need for me to – "
Alison stuck her hand out between the three of them, "She is not a guest in my home, Emily. She is your guest in my home. If she can't accept the fact that I'd rather not have her here today and, therefore, will not be assisting her throughout the day, then you can tell her that she's more than welcome to leave. Does she understand?"
"She understands." Maya bitterly replied.
"Perfect!" Alison clapped her hands together, smiling. "Let's eat!"
She walked away as if nothing had happened, which signaled to Emily right away that Alison was terribly hurt. She had never processed rejection correctly and tended to display extreme reactions when feeling exceptionally low.
"Fucking psycho," Maya whispered as she started getting her food.
"You just said that you understood. If you're not going to respect what she asked of you 10 seconds after the fact, she told you that you were welcome to leave."
Maya turned toward Emily, shocked, "Do you want me to leave?"
"No, not at all." Emily replied, wrapping her arm lightly around Maya's waist, "But you are going to stop trying to make waves today. Don't ruin this first Christmas altogether for Olivia, okay?"
"I think Alison's already done enough ruining for all of us. But fine, whatever you say."
The afternoon continued on with consistently steady pauses, and lapses in conversation as all of Alison and Emily's friends and family tried to navigate the increasingly tense festivities. As long as Emily stayed away from Alison, and Alison stayed away from Maya, and Maya stayed away from Jason and Aria, and Jason and Aria stayed away from Emily, all was okay.
The biggest blind spot of the day, though, was Olivia. Because not even Alison could've predicted how she reacted the moment she turned the corner from cleaning up after lunch to find her contentedly placed in Maya's arms.
Though all was innocent and unintentionally provoking, there she stood with Olivia perched on her hip. Maya holding Olivia's hand while they spun around slowly. Olivia laughed as Maya picked up speed and then slowed down unexpectedly. Alison leaned against the wall watching her wife as Emily's eyes looked at the two of them in wonder. Alison could only assume that this was the future Emily envisioned for herself. A future where Alison stood aside and allowed the connection Livvy and Maya already had to blossom.
Standing against that wall made Alison increasingly more anxious even though none of the other parties were even aware of how she may feel amid such simple consoling. But as she found herself getting more and more agitated, suddenly Spencer swooped in to intervene.
"Hey, Maya? Could I hold Liv for a bit? I haven't seen her since the summer, and I'd love to catch up."
Maya smiled and easily passed Olivia along, sending an unexpected inhale into Alison's lungs. She watched as Spencer spun in Alison's direction, pausing long enough to wink before bringing her over to Wren for even more interaction. A few moments later, Emily copied Alison's stance against the wall while starting a conversation.
"Thank you for that." It wasn't an olive branch, but it was an amicable opening.
Alison glanced sideways, "I don't know what you're –"
" – For letting Maya hold her. Until I saw your face over here, I hadn't thought about what that might feel like."
"Just light betrayal." Alison laughed, confusing Emily, who replicated Alison's laugh to keep the conversation going.
"Can we talk outside, Al? We need to clear the air from the past week."
Without replying, Alison walked to the backdoor and opened it for Emily to exit first. They silently walked to their respected chairs, a comfort compared to the sharp words exchanged since their anniversary dinner the week before.
"Like I mentioned earlier, I've been meaning to apologize for this morning. It never was my place to question your intent with your gift. I really do appreciate the offer and the sentiment behind it."
"What made you realize that I wasn't being malicious?"
"Our history, for one." Emily took a breath, "But I also saw the envelope in the fireplace. If you didn't lie about that, then I figured you were sincere."
"That's what blows my mind, Emily. At no point in our relationship have I been maliciously insincere. Sure, I've tried to escape the truth or weave a different story from the facts. But that was all for your benefit. It was all for you. There's no reason for me to start now. Not when the only thing I want for us in the world is to be a family again. Whatever that looks like."
"I know. That's on me. I heard the words "stay married," and my mind went black."
"So, you don't want my assistance? With the house stuff…" Hesitancy laced her words. There was fear behind them that Emily hadn't sensed earlier that morning.
"To be honest, Ali, I don't know yet. Part of me wants to take my next steps without your money."
"I understand the vanity behind that sentiment, but I don't understand the downright refusal. This is for you and Olivia. For a new start. A new foundation."
"Which is why I'm still trying to figure it out. Is that okay?"
"Take as long as you need, Em. But I'm telling you that if everything does become official, the sum drops astronomically in what I can contribute."
"I understand. We can wait until after the divorce if that's how long it takes to decide."
"You say it like it doesn't burn your tongue to say."
"What? The d-word?"
Alison laughed, "Oh, now it's the d-word? Saying it this morning made me sick to my stomach. I fucking hate it, Emily. And I really hate that I've had no say in it all. I hope you can at least see my frustration in that."
"I do. That's why this isn't something I'm taking lightly. It's a big deal for me too."
"Then why do it, Emily? Why give this up? Six days ago, you said you still love me. You know that I love you as much today as every day before. What makes Maya worth it?"
"I can't answer that."
"Because you don't know the answer or because you think I won't like the answer?"
"Probably both, Al. The answer doesn't come straight to my mind, though."
"If I were you, I'd find that extremely concerning. You deserve to be in a relationship where that answer never leaves your mind. We're back to last week when you couldn't answer any question I asked."
"I get it, okay? I know how frustrating this must be because you just want a fucking answer, but I don't have one. I can feel ourselves starting to go back in circles again, so I'm going to head inside." She stood as she looked back over her shoulder to her wife, "I started this whole journey trying to figure out who I was, and what would make me happy in life. I need the time to put those pieces together and come to a decision. I'm sorry."
Alison's voice was nothing but a whisper as her words followed Emily back inside, "I was under the impression that I was what made you happy, Em."
After their conversation on Christmas Day, both Alison and Emily respected the fact that they needed some time apart, considering all of the mini blowups that had occurred throughout the day. They continued texting about any and all decisions involving Olivia. But Emily made sure that she was never home when Alison came to watch Liv and vice versa. On the occasions where Emily needed to come over to Alison's, Alison would simply stay in the master bedroom while Emily was there. This went on for several weeks as their opposition faded into the new year without any discussion of Alison's gift or their impending divorce. The lack of conversation about it became the new normal, and Emily was settling into the fact that at this rate, neither discussion may ever come back up again.
One Thursday, when Alison was meant to come to take care of Olivia in the afternoon, Emily was busy cleaning up and getting together everything she needed for her errands when she heard a knock on the door.
"Oh!" she jumped, startled from the heavy-handedness behind its force, "Come here, Squirt! Maybe Mommy's here early." Emily bounced her back and forth on her hip as she spoke, "You get to play with Mommy today. You're going to have so much fun, and don't worry, I'm going to be able to handle our first in-person conversation since Christmas perfectly! Just you watch."
She opened the door with a smile, "I didn't expect you for another half hour, Ali – oh, hi." She grew startled at the stranger on the other side of the door. "How can I help you?"
"Are you Emily Fields?" the man in the suit asked ominously.
"Yes? Is everything okay?"
"You've been served. Have a nice day."
Emily closed the door behind her puzzled as she called behind her, "What the hell is this? Mom? Mom?!"
"What is it, sweetheart?" Her mom replied, coming out of her office.
"I don't know what's happening. I just got served?"
"Okay, come sit, Em. I'm sure it's fine. I'll take Livvy."
As Emily sat down, a cold feeling drifted through her limbs, opening the envelope. Turning the contents upside down, two items fell out before she pulled out a thick white packet of papers.
IN THE COURT OF COMMON PLEAS OF THE FIFTY-NINTH JUDICIAL DISTRICT OF PENNSYLVANIA
ALISON LAUREN DILAURENTIS – PLAINTIFF
VS.
EMILY CATHERINE FIELDS – DEFENDANT
COMPLAINT FOR DIVORCE 3301 (c)
"You're kidding me…" she mumbled as she picked up to two pieces of paper that fell out of the envelope first.
The first item was another blank check with Alison's name listed at the top. But this time, written across the middle in bold, unmistakable letters was the word: VOID.
The second was a purple post-it note written in Alison's handwriting with seven words that knocked the breath out of Emily as she processed them.
In cursive, the only other words Alison had for Emily were simple. "Made the decision for you. Happy now?"
And that's when it hit her. Emily had wracked her brain, trying to distinguish and decipher exactly when coming back from her choices was impossible. The separation. Maya and Emily's first kiss. The lying. The engagement. But none of that was the case.
Because the first wrong move Emily ever made was thinking Alison would go down without a fight.
A/N: OOP! Alison's calling Emily's bluff. Will it backfire or lead to an even more explosive next chapter? I'm taking everyone's recommendations into consideration and will attempt to see how your wishes/frustrations can be incorporated. Hope you all enjoyed seeing Ali taking the initiative instead of waiting for Emily to be ready.
READ. REVIEW. FAVORITE. PASS ALONG.
Thanks for it all,
secretpen28