Written for: taradawn85. January 8th, 2018 Sam/Darcy "Why is your hand on my ass?"
Sam heard through the grapevine that Bucky had started seeing Jane Foster, the insanely brilliant astrophysicist who had discovered interdimensional travel via wormholes and was now in Tony Stark's inner circle of Mad Scientist types.
Naturally, he had to see it for himself.
It was nothing against Jane, whom he'd met a few times and seemed like a classy lady. He and Bucky just had an odd sort of relationship. Half the time, Sam wanted to punch his stupid smug douche face in. This wasn't one of those times, but he still had to find out how the good doctor managed to nab the ever so fearsome Winter Soldier.
He found Dr. Foster's lab empty. Strange. Tony said she was always down here at this time of day. The door was unlocked, so Sam let himself in. He kept his hands in his pockets, having been warned not to touch anything on threat of a tiny, angry scientist tearing his world asunder. While passing a table covered with papers and blinking computer monitors, he nearly jumped out of his skin when something grabbed his ass.
It was actually someone, as he realized when he turned and saw an arm jutting out from under the table. Its owner crawled out, using his left ass cheek as leverage, revealing a young woman with a mess of unbrushed brown hair and askew glasses.
"Oh God," she mumbled, rubbing her eyes, "what day is it?"
He thought about answering, but he'd left his phone in his room and their current state of unexpected intimacy wasn't doing much for his ability to think.
Righting her glasses, she tried to pull herself up by Sam's ass. All that did was make his knees buckle and send him to the floor along with her. Her sleep heavy eyes suddenly burst open with newfound clarity. "Wait, you're not the wall! You're a person!"
"Yes, I am," Sam groaned, rubbing his sore behind. He was going to be feeling that all day now. "I take it that's why you had your hand on my ass."
"I'm sorry, you just have a very firm ass," she said, trying and failing to tame the curly mass on her head into something presentable. "Like really incredibly rock hard glutes going on there. You must work out a lot. I say stupid shit when I'm nervous and that's why I'm still talking. I'm gonna stop now."
Sam chuckled. He rose to his feet and helped her up while he was at it. She stumbled a bit, her lower half not yet getting the message that it was time to wake up. "Well, since we've already been introduced, I'm Sam Wilson. You must be Darcy, Jane's assistant?"
"That's me," she said like she'd rather be anyone else in the world at the moment. "I'm sorry about all that. Jane asked me to watch for atmospheric anomalies while she and Bucky ran off to have a quickie…" she checked her watch, "ten hours ago? Goddamn super soldiers…"
"Believe me, I know the feeling," said Sam. There was a reason he never went running with Steve anymore. "I'll tell you what, let's go get some coffee and you can tell me all about the stupid shit Bucky gets up to. How's that sound?"
"Like you're trying to get embarrassing stories to hold over Bucky's head out of me," Darcy said, serious for all of a second before grinning. "Let's do it."
They left the lab as Darcy launched into a sordid tale about Bucky, a bottle of chocolate sauce, and one hilariously failed attempt at seduction.
This was truly the start of a beautiful friendship.