A/N: This little one shot plays out sometime during 4x20, after Castle has showed up with Jacinda at his side. Enjoy! Until next time, xxxx

Kate is so sick of his behavior. So sick and tired of his sudden need to freeze her out. His need to flaunt another woman in front of her face. A flight attendant he's only just met on a flight to Las Vegas?! What the fuck is wrong with him? What the fuck happened? What did I do?

She decided yesterday she won't let him get away with this. He'd left for a date with the flight attendant and all day he'd refused telling her what is wrong. And so now she won't give him a choice. An hour ago she texted him to meet her at her place, told him she had a lead that she doesn't want anyone else to find out about just yet, that she wants his opinion on the theory first.

Her heart is pounding in her chest and she keeps catching herself holding her breath. And so she forces herself to take long, deep, calming breaths. Breathe in. Breathe out. As the knock sounds through her apartment she feels her veins turn to ice, her body preparing for the absolute worst. Because that's all she can think about. He'll leave her. He's already decided. He doesn't want her anymore. He found out she's too broken, and he's not interested in her anymore.

Taking a deep breath she opens the door with an as neutral face as possible. "Hi Castle, come on in."

"So, what's the new lead Beckett?" he asks as he steps inside.

She bites her inside cheek as she closes the door, gathering strength to just spit it out. She takes another deep breath before slowly turning towards him.

"What's wrong Rick?"

She observes as his back muscles tense, his body freezing. She can only imagine how fast the wheels in his mind spins to try and figure out if she really has a lead or if she just tricked him here.

"What do you mean? Nothing's wrong," he turns and she can see the way he's schooling his features carefully.

She feels herself become desperate. I don't want this fake version of you. "Why are you pulling away?"

Castle shrugs his shoulders and starts to turn around. "I don't know what you're talking about. I came here, now what's the lead?"

The frustration is starting to take over and she wonders if he can hear it in her voice. "Rick, stop. Just tell me what happened. Wh-what did I do?" Her voice does not only display her frustration, but it also breaks halfway through the last sentence and her mind is cursing her for the slip.

"Nothing." He snaps, with his back turned towards her.

She takes in a shaking breath. "Then why won't you look at me? Why do you ignore all kinds of personal conversations? Why are you taking spontaneous trips to Las Vegas? Why are you going out wi…" she stops herself mid-sentence. She really doesn't want to bring up the flight attendant, she's scared he actually likes the other woman. Scared he's moving on. Scared she missed her chance.

"Why do you care?!" When Castle turns around he's eyeing her with fury in his eyes, his nostrils flaring before he seems to get a control over himself and schools his features. "Actually, don't tell me. I'm done." He throws his hands up in the air and starts moving from the spot he's been standing at, from what it looks like it he's going to walk out on her.

Without much thinking she stands in the way of him, holding her hands out to spread herself as far as she could to not let him pass.

"No," she feels her lower lip quiver.

"No?" he says shocked before anger flashes across his blue eyes. "Get out of the way Beckett."

She somehow finds her voice and it somehow sounds stronger than she feels. "What did I do?!" she demands. She sees his hands clench into fists as if he's still trying to control himself. "It's not fair…"

"Not fair?!" he practically yells and Kate has to take a step back due to the power and anger directed at her, her hands falling to her sides. "That's pretty rich coming from you. You lied to me, Kate! For almost a whole year! Where's the fairness in that?!"

She's stunned. Looks at him with mouth hanging open and eyes wide, a few seconds later her mouth starts closing and opening. Fishing for words she can't find.

"Just… I'm done, we're done."

Before she can react he's walked around her and is reaching for the door when she turns around. She can feel her heart shatter, can feel an even worse pain than when her mom died. Her mother didn't have a choice when she left her, but the man in front of her, the man who somehow got a hold of her heart, does. And that makes the pain greater than ever before because he's very consciously not choosing her. Her mind is racing with all these questions, all these conversations she's had with the therapist, and her heart beating too fast for her to cope. With her panting in fear and stress she opens her mouth for one last attempt at making him stay.

"I love you too."

Castle halts at the whisper. His hand connected with the door handle, frozen in its movement to push it down and open. It must've been his imagination, he concludes as he shakes his head to clear his thoughts. But then he hears her take a deep breath behind him.

"I love you Rick," Kate says, louder this time. When she saw the way he hesitated she decided to tell him the truth. He'll only stay if he hears the truth. "I-I don't know what I did, but please, I can't… I don't want to lose you."

She stays quiet then. Knows that it's all up to him now. And maybe she waited too long. Maybe he had moved on. Maybe that flight attendant wasn't just a fling. Fuck that hurts. Just the simple thought hurts. So, what if it is the truth?

"You…" Castle starts turning back around and Kate can both see and feel the confusion radiating from his body. "But you lied."

Lied about what?! Her frustration picks up again. "What are you talking about?"

Castle thinks about it all, his mind going one ninety as he tries to comprehend everything that just happened. Goes over her words in his mind a dozen times before he can even open his mouth. Wasn't the reason she lied because she didn't feel the same way?

"You said you remembered every second of the shooting. To that guy in the bomb-case. You said you remembered everything, yet you said to me you remembered nothing," he finally gets out of him, observing as she takes in this new information. It looks like this just dawns on her, as if she hasn't thought about this before. Which shocks him too.

He observes as she starts fiddling with her fingers, her mind probably racing just as fast as his does, and she opens her mouth multiple times as if she's about to say something but can't find the words.

"I thought you didn't feel the same," he eventually says and her eyes get as wide as he's ever seen them.

"What? No! I just couldn't deal, too broken to handle anything real," she immediately tells but looks down to the ground, as if she's ashamed about it.

Is she embarrassed about it? He started to think about it. She never did like talking about things that was painful, that might've shown her vulnerability.

"Why didn't you tell me? It wouldn't have changed the way I felt about you," he asks and Kate bites her lower lip. Felt. Past tense.

She shrugs her shoulders, trying to keep her tears at bay. "Well, technically I did. In my own kind of way."

The silence falls over the apartment and she looks up to see his forehead in wrinkles as he tries to think hard about something. Not sure what to say and scared he might leave again she stays quiet, thinks it's better if he gets to be the one ending the silence.

"The swings," he mumbles before he meets her hazel green eyes. Kate simply nods. It takes another few minutes before he opens his mouth again. "So, the walls? Are they still…?"

Kate wraps her arms around her chest, hugging herself. "You're already inside them, I don't know for how long but… it's been a while," she confesses no matter how uncomfortable it makes her. She's still afraid he'll choose the 'fun and non-complicated' flight attendant over her. She's still broken goods.

His ocean eyes are searching hers and she wonders what he sees. Probably the tears just waiting to fall. Before she can truly react though, his feet are taking quick steps towards her. She only just registers his hands cupping her cheeks before his mouth is on hers. Her heart stops for a split second. Then she can't help but push her lips against his to reciprocate the kiss. Kate feels herself losing her breath, her heart pounding as her lips tingle from the feel of his moving against her. Her arms losen around her as her fingers are itching to touch him. Without thinking, how can one think when his lips sends electrical waves down her body?, her fingers grabs onto the sides of his shirt to pull him closer. Almost simultaneously they both open their mouths and sneaks their tongues out to dance together in a tangle they've never done before but feels so familiar. As if they've done this a million times before.

His phone signal is the moment that breaks the kiss, and Kate feels her cheeks heat up with a new type of blush caused by him. He only smirks at her as she's biting her tingling lip and he reaches for his phone. Kate watches as his smirk turns into a frown when he sees the name on his phone and so she can't help but get worried.

"Hi Jacinda."

The second he says her name Kate feels her blood turn to ice and she starts backing away slowly. She's not sure she wants to hear what he's about to say to the flight attendant, and so she walks to her kitchen and starts pouring the coffee she had put on before he got here in case she didn't dare confront him. Kate isn't sure she's supposed to pour a cup to him too but she does anyway, deep down hoping he'll still choose her.

"Kate?" Castle comes into view and Kate looks up at her partner. "I never actually slept with her, I couldn't."

"Oh," Kate releases a sigh of relief she wasn't aware she was holding. "Then why…"

"I was hurt, and I guess I wanted you to hurt too," he says ashamed. "I'm sorry."

She thinks about it. Picks up his cup of coffee and offers it to him. "I'm sorry too."

His lips turns up into a megawatt smile as he accepts the cup, sending a mirroring smile onto hers. They will be okay. More than okay.

The End