Chapter Requested By: invader . catgon

Comment Request: (I couldn't find the exact request in words but;) Zil sees other children at the Academy with boyfriends and wants a cute kindergarten boyfriend of her own.

Genre: Comedy/Romance

Rating: T for very, very light language and Red and Purple being racist. I do NOT condone racism, and neither should you; the Irken Empire is just obviously very racist and it's a problem I like to explore.

Author Comment(s): I thought this was the cutest idea ever! I absolutely adore the idea of Zil vying after a confused, Pre-Academy boy who had no idea what to do or what's happening, so that's what I've written! Also, everyone go search up our lovely requester on Instagram! They are absolutely amazing, their art is INCREDIBLE, and they deserve the follows! Thank you lovely, for your super fun request, and thank you to all of our returning viewers and readers! I love each and every one of you, seriously, and thank you for making this possible!

Also welcome Jekyll-hyde 1888 to the follow family and thank you for favoriting this story as well! I really appreciate you lovely!

No, this would not do.

Zil hadn't been paying attention to her instructor for over an hour, her wide, crimson eyes glued to the overly distracting pane of the classroom window as she stared out across the barren, lifeless surface of Irk's underdeveloped moon. She was so bored, picking at the edge of her desk with her nails and feeling the cheap particle board come off in pieces in her tiny hands as she narrowed her eyes to the strange, peculiar sight she was witnessing from afar. The Academy proper had taken their older students out onto the craggily surface to teach them how to correctly and safely use their bubble helmets in the event that they found themselves without breathable atmosphere beyond what their PAKs were able to filter, running drills in preparation to be shipped off to Devastis to officially train for the dominating, vicious Elite. Zil would end up there one day, her parents assuring her every time she brought up her future occupation as Tallest that she must undergo the rigorous, muscle-straining education before they would allow her to ascend to her rank. It was more Red's idea, Purple wanting to keep Zil soft and sheltered away from the dastardly sounds of booming plasma half-deafening her antennae and the lumbering, mechanical legs of massive Spider Tanks raking over alien terrain when she would eventually be deployed to whatever horrific front she ended up on. Red wanted her to work for her title, to earn her delicious opulence, and to prove herself without a shadow of a doubt to the whole of the Empire and the critical eye of the public that she would be a woman not to be trifled with and, in a way, he was right. If she could face death and grisly destruction, she could face whatever the office would have to throw her way and be far more competent to lead billions than if she just lounged around and had her luxurious life handed to her on a silver platter. But, still, that wasn't what Zil was worried about as she watched the older student's fumble about with strange new technology or trip over rocks to bounce without the artificial gravity of the school to keep them tethered. No, what bothered her so deeply was the beautiful, short girl with perfectly curled antennae holding the hand of one of the most popular boys in her class along the sidelines as they waited patiently for their turn to run hurdles and try not to fog their helmets with their panting breath.

That girl…had a boyfriend.

Zil blinked and returned her attention to the glittering electronic display at the front of the room as her jovial instructor went on and on about biological creatures living on Irk she had no real interest in, flashing simplified color images with smiling faces on the screen as the rest of the class giggled and relayed little facts about them here and there. She sunk down in her chair with a pout, kicking at the support bar of her desk with her polished shoes before reaching down and scrunching up the fabric of the deep, beautifully rich orange dress Red had stitched together for her hatching day nearly a cycle ago and toying with one of Purple's wartime medals he converted into a necklace for her when she incessantly bothered him about how pretty she thought it was. If that girl had a boyfriend…wasn't she supposed to have one too? Zil grumbled to herself as she thought, neglecting to notice when her kind instructor clapped and released everyone for their daily free time to draw and play with the various colorful toys in the other room, every student strutting out in single file with excited peeps and chattering shouts as they skipped and twirled gracelessly in tiny boots and flats.

"Zil? Sweetheart, it's free time. Do you want to go color?"

Zil shook her head with a whine and crossed her arms hotly over her chest when her instructor came over and kneeled beside her desk, flicking her delicately curled antennae forward with a soft smile.

"Is it too loud in here again?" Her teacher asked gently when Zil squirmed uncomfortably in her seat and tried to shy away as her thoughts wafted about with images of finding her life mate and getting married to live the most romantic, picturesque life imaginable. "I can go ask them to quiet down if you'd like."

"Mrs. Jeni, how do I make a boy like me?" Zil asked suddenly, looking up and catching her teacher off guard as she stood. She pointed out the window, satisfied when Mrs. Jeni followed her jab to where the two lovestruck students stood, now locked in a tight embrace. "That girl is pretty, but so am I, right? That means I need a boyfriend like her!"

Jeni turned back, taking a deep breath and renewing her composure to the conversation she'd had with students hundreds of times over. "Oh, you sweet little thing. You don't have to rush that. You've got your whole childhood to look forward to." She explained, reaching down and taking Zil by the hand to tenderly tug her up and lead her on to the playroom where her friends laughed and tossed plastic toys about without a care. "Believe me, Zil, you should keep your independence for as long as you can and focus on the things you like to do before you decide to share them with someone else."

They made their way to the door, locking it behind them before stepping out into the short corridor of the Pre-Academy wing dotted with sloppily done crayon drawings of smiling parents and skittering home pets. Jeni led her on, passing a few classrooms packed to the brim with young students taking their scheduled nap times and slumbering away on woven mats and clutching at plush stuffed animals for comfort as they snoozed.

Zil wasn't satisfied with that answer, tightening her hold on her instructor's fingers before trying to halfway tug her down into her grip as she was led on to the boisterous, chaotic playroom. "But…but…I wanna boyfriend! I have to have one because I'm pretty and I need someone who wants to go to war for me!" She whined, still not understanding the concept of what it meant to love romantically. "He's gotta be nice and sweet and make me lots of homemade candy! And he has to like Mama Kitty, because she's one of my best friends like Flar, and I have to be able to snuggle him on the couch like Dad and Daddy and have a flower making hug to have fourteen smeets!"

Jeni merely laughed, ushering Zil on towards her friends and ignoring her when she stomped lightly on the ground and kicked at a pile of unloved dolls no one seemed to ever want to dress up. How dare her teacher not give her any concrete information as to how to forcibly catch the man of her dreams in her slowly weaving spiderweb of love? She was the most intelligent, attractive Irken in her class, was she not? Was she not the daughter of the Tallest and the most coveted smeet in the media? She stood rigid a few moments as she scowled, reaching back up and bringing Purple's silver medal to her mouth to chew lightly on the dull edge and run her tongue over the acquainted metallic taste, letting it fall back against her chest when she caught sight of someone sitting alone in the back corner. She froze as her instinct to hunt exploded within her chest, feeling a small, eager smile peak on her innocent face when she ran her determined, overbearing gaze across the two petite, underdeveloped horns poking from the top of the new student's forehead. He had only been on Irk for a month and was the first Vortian to be admitted into such a prestigious academy because of his parents job as ambassadors to the now completely enslaved planet of Vort, claiming his mother and father had paid large amounts of money and had begged he receive an education up to par with that of the best smeets in the galaxy. He didn't fit in well and was already the target of fervent, constant bullying for his pale pink skintone, keeping to himself and choosing to scan his deep violet gaze over picture books while the others played boisterously and fought with one another over the last cookie at the snack table. He already knew Irken, having grown up with the fluttering language as he crawled through embassies and became acquainted with hundreds of Irken officers threatening his planet's defenses. He didn't know any better and stayed out of the way, trying his best to go unnoticed so no one poked at his steadily curling nubs of horns or snickered at his seemingly strange, catlike legs.

Perfect, easy…and really cute.

He would do nicely.

Zil threw her hands on her hips with an excited giggle, watching as he looked up nervously and caught her gaze from afar with an anxious swallow, adjusting his thick glasses over his face before moving to sling his cardboard storybook in front of his face to hide his discomfort from her all-authoritative, piercing stare. She didn't notice, bounding over and plopping down in front of where he had nestled himself safely into the corner atop a fluffy blanket, laughing when he stifled a whine of steadily mounting fear at her sudden intrusion to his coveted peace.

"Hey, Yon Pil!" Zil squeaked out excitedly, snatching away his book and refusing to acknowledge his sudden terror when he smoothed his hands up over his eyes and clamped his mouth shut, his sharp, serrated teeth clicking in horror when she tossed the book aside and forcefully wiggled her way up into his improvised perch. "Why are you alone all the time?"

Yon didn't say anything, refusing to speak and going near catatonic without a peep when Zil beamed and continued the ridiculous, overdone rant she shoved down his throat against his will. "Guess what? I'm gonna be Tallest when I get big and I saw a girl outside with a boyfriend! When I'm Tallest I'm gonna need a husband like Dad and Daddy have and I wanted to say that I choose you!"

Yon's gaze snapped up when a mortified, deep blue color flooded up over his cheeks at the strange, unexpected confession Zil had decided was love over in the past thirty seconds, scrambling back and sticking out his tongue in disgust before shrieking out his displeasure. "Ew! No! Mom says Irken girls are gross!" He cried in alarm, grabbing for the blanket under him and tossing it back in Zil's direction as she flew down for his hand. "Zil, no! I-I'm not allowed to be Tallest and I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I-I wanna be a scientist!"

Zil didn't let up, following close behind when he tried to make his escape and reaching for his hand again, this time latching firmly onto his fingers and holding tight with a giddy smile at the damming fate she had sealed for him until her fascination moved elsewhere. "You can be a Tallest too! We're gonna grow big and tall, and we're gonna have fourteen smeets to take care of and my pet is already a Vortian Kalopiac so you'll really like her! Her name is Mama Kitty! Oh! I have Baby too who is a space princess with really pretty horns and we can give each other a kiss!"

Yon screamed and tried to run, backing into the wall as Zil pecked a simple, fast kiss to his cheek before he faked a gag and tried fervently to wipe away the sensation with trembling palms. "Ewie! Irken mites!" He accused loudly, letting loose another strangled cry when Zil wrapped her arms around him and refused to let go.

"I have long eyelashes, see? That means I'm pretty! You have a pretty girlfriend now!"

"No! You're not my girlfriend and you're gross!"

"I'm not gross, I'm the most beautiful lady you've ever seen and we're gonna get married."

"No!"

"Yes."

"N-No!"

"Yes!"

Yon finally managed to squirm free but didn't make it far, Zil tackling him to the floor with a war cry and sitting on his back as he thrashed and threatened to burst into tears to the commitment he was sure would seal a lifetime of girl cooties and playing with dolls he had absolutely no interest in. "But I don't like you Zil! W-We're not even friends!"

Zil ignored him completely, giggling on a nonstop, obnoxious loop as she forced their cheeks together and went limp over his back to capture him with her bodyweight. "Yes we are we're boyfriend and girlfriend and you're gonna take care of me and go to war for me and we're gonna have lots of smeets together!" She pulled back slightly when Yon whimpered and sniffed, trying not to burst out in tears as she spoke. "We can have a house, wait no, a whole castle and I'm gonna paint it pink with purple spots! That way you can come rescue me from my big tower like a pretty princess and we can ride away to the magic city in my dream and eat icecream all day."

"I-I'm allergic to icecream." Yon muttered from where his face had been pressed firmly into the carpet, coughing on a piece of dusty fluff that invaded his mouth when Zil knocked the air from his lungs unintentionally with her elbow. "M-Mama doesn't let me have sugar!"

"That's ok. Now ask me out and tell me I'm pretty!"

"I-I don't want to. Y-You're really scary and-"

"Ask me out!"

Yon cowered down at the command and nodded against the floor. "You're my girlfriend now! D-Don't hurt me!"

Zil lit up with a squeal of innocent delight, hopping up and throwing back her head to scream out the exciting, Irk-shattering news. "Yon Pil is my boyfriend and no one else can have him because he's mine!" No one seemed to care or pay attention, but Zil didn't mind, grinning with a few tiny peeps of astounding hilarity as Yon labored to push himself up with a cough. "I love you, Yon! Do you love me?"

Yon pushed his glasses back into place and stared at the floor, mentally exhausted and wanting to return to his cardboard book as he refused to speak, cowering back when Zil hopped forward and stood on her toes to match his height by an inch. He panicked, his stutter coming back out in full force as her unnerving stare and eye color broke away what little resolve he actually had. "Y-Yeah…I-I love you!"

"No, you haveta say I love you, honey! My Daddy calls my Dad that and it make him really happy and you haveta take care of me now and make me happy too."

"…"

"Please?"

"Um…t-that's a girly thing to say, though."

"Please?!"

"A-Ah! I-I love you, honey!"

Zil nodded in smug approval. "Good. You're a good husband. Now I haveta take you home to meet my Dad and my Daddy so we can get married tomorrow and I can wear a pretty dress. I want it to be pink and purple and really sparkly so you'll have to buy me one." She paused and stuck out her tongue as she thought. "You get to wear nice pants and a flower shirt like Daddy wears to on vacation. I think that would be really pretty. Then, we will dance under the moon and you can give me a kiss and-"

Yon cut her off when he tried to shakily tug away, blinking when the school bell rang and everyone immediately threw down their toys and left behind destroyed crayons, rushing to where their backpacks dangled collectively from their cubby hooks before taking off with shouts of exhilaration that the day was finally over and the weekend had arrived. Students exchanged drawings and glittery pens, teachers tried with all their might to wrangle them into some semblance of organized mayhem as they clamored into the hallway, and parents waited at the front to cart everyone off home to begin dinner preparations. Zim frowned in disapproval, turning to where Yon had started trying to stuff his tattered puffy coat into his meager zippered backpack as it put up a bit of a struggle, giving up and instead dragging it along the floor behind him. He had dug out a transmitter to call for his mother who quickly picked up and told him she would be late to pick him up again, instructing him sweetly to wait on the front stoop of the school until she or his father was able to come and eventually retrieve him. Zil thought a moment, hatching an idea and bounding over on light toes as she slung her own backpack over her shoulders to stare down at the screen over his.

"Mrs. Yon Pil's mom! Hi! It's me Zil!" She laughed sweetly, not noticing the blink of bewildered perplexity thrown back in her face as Yon tried to hide away his transmitter out of humiliation. "Can Yon come over to play and have dinner with me and my Daddy and my Dad? He's my boyfriend now and I wanna make him a Tallest!"

Yon nearly imploded, frowning and pushing her lightly in the chest as he took off with a screech. "She's not my girlfriend! Mama, she wants to make me eat icecream and I have Irken cooties now because she kissed my face!" He made it halfway out into the hallway before his mother lit up at the idea and ignored his tremendous plight.

"Yon Pil, sweetie, this is a wonderful opportunity for your father and I to meet the Tallest when we pick you up later from the Massive! We've been desperately trying to move a physical embassy to Irk, so please, go with her and butter them up for us. I'll be by to get you in two hours."

Yon didn't understand the political haughtiness to his mother's tone, cocking his head in misunderstanding. "Butter? But mama, she's not my girlfriend I don't wanna…" he trailed off when his mother hung up, jutting out his bottom lip when Zil bristled with overwhelming excitement and grabbed him by the sleeve, forcibly tugging him down the short corridor to where General Gor stood waiting to take her things and fly her back to the Massive where she would be shrouded in the safety of the formidable Armada.

Zil threw Yon's hand in the air before dropping it heavily to his side. "Mr. Gor! This is my boyfriend!" She exclaimed proudly, puffing out her chest when Gor turned and froze in dread at the sight of the little Vortian kicking despondently at nothing as he refused to make eye contact and glowered. "His mom said he can come have dinner with Dad and Daddy and me and we're gonna get married!"

Gor swallowed and brought his hands together, stooping to help her take off her backpack like he always did before reaching down to hold her tiny hand in his battle scarred fingers as Yon trailed forlornly behind.

"Um…Lady Zil, are you sure your parents will be alright with someone so…exotic staying with you?"

"Uh huh! See Yon? You're exotic! That means you're pretty."

"Lady Zil, I really don't think this is a good idea. Your fathers have fought Vortians."

"Oh! That's ok. That was a long time ago and we're all friends now!"

"We're still at war but…if you say so."

Purple cursed under his breath when his fingers slipped once more, moving away his magnifier from the project he had been tirelessly working on since his return from the disgusting Urth homeworld. It was nearly Zil's twentieth hatching day and he and Red had agreed that she would be ready for her first wrist gauntlet to be used in the checking and communication with officers that were to be sent to Urth as scouts for her first ever takeover of a hostile, reeking world. He had been trying to retrofit the technology for a few weeks now, removing and adding functions, filing down any harsh edges that could harm sensitive skin, and removing the internal locking mechanism to make the wrist latch smaller to fit her petite size. He'd developed a slight tremor in his hands many cycles back when after having been exposed to foreign chemicals during a gas attack on his base during his invader days, leaving him with a few dead nerve endings in his extremities, but nothing he ultimately couldn't deal with. Still, it frustrated him when he tried to remain precise enough to paint with his acrylics, something he hadn't done in a long while due to his incredibly busy work schedule, or when he had to dig his hands into incredibly detailed technology. It didn't help that everything on the market was becoming smaller and more compact by the cycle, leaving his shaky touch with meager options. Every tiny screw was a slur waiting to fly off his lips, but he had remained adamant to finish his gift for his daughter as Red used his secret embroidering skills to hand stitch gorgeous, traditional Irken designs on a plain white dress he had covertly purchased at the bazaar back on Devastis.

The two had taken their leave from the bridge to spend time with one another for the next month, planning to take Zil on vacation for her hatching day as a family to get away from the overpowering politics bearing down on them all and spiking blood pressures to unnecessary levels. It had been nice waking up late into the morning as Red drooled disgustingly into his pillow next to him, before lounging about after Zil was whisked away to the Academy, leaving them intimate time they had both been craving for a while. Every time Red kissed him he felt young again, Purple smiling and snapping the main compartment of the tiny gauntlet shut before shrouding it back in the drawer of his nightstand and glancing across the bed to where Red had reached an impasse with his own work. He had pricked himself nearly a hundred times with his curved needle, squinting down through his prescription goggles as he overlapped tiny, colorful florals in a variety of soft threads, stopping when he stabbed himself again with a short, pained hiss. His eyesight had become progressively worse in the past forty cycles and Purple had unremittingly hounded him to wear his goggles in public only to be met with force at how horrendously embarrassed Red would be to let their subordinates know that he struggled to read the fine print of dockets or had to squint at readers to make out battle plans. Red despised them, but every night when he would read his many thick crime novels or skim the Irken database for news clippings by lamp, Purple couldn't help but let is pulse flutter. He was adorable and deep down, Purple knew his stoic, overly logical partner liked the attention.

"You're becoming a literal pincushion over there." Purple teased when his partner brought his thumb to his mouth to smooth away the tiny bead of bright pink blood forming under his claw, standing with a stretch and popping his spine when he noticed how stiff he had become. "Hold it up, I wanna see how far you've made it."

Red sighed and reached up to shuck his lenses, tossing them carelessly onto his pillow before flopping back and holding the cotton dress in the air to show off the half-finished, but gorgeously done threadwork depicting a stunning scene of the first Tallest, the original Zil, standing in her pink moonflower garden in the middle of the expansive natural forests that used to dot the Irken countryside before technology took over.

"I dunno," he began, passing the cloth off when Purple strode around the edge of their mattress box to take it from his hands, "I haven't done any detail work like this in a while and I don't know how I feel about it. It's not too cheesy, is it?"

Purple lowered himself back down and traced every individual stitch with his scrutinizing touch before grinning in glistening, enthused approbation at the absolutely beautiful handiwork his husband had managed to sling together so far. "Red, this is fantastic, and there's nothing even remotely cheesy about it." He reassured, letting himself fall back with him to stare up at the deep maroon ceiling spanning above them. "You're worrying way too much. She'll love anything you make her because it came from you."

Red swallowed, letting a low purr roll up in his chest when Purple reached over to lovingly scratch under his chin and pacify his ludicrous, unfounded worries. "I know she will. I just…mm…I dunno." He finally let his nerves die, knowing without a shadow of a doubt that Zil would adore anything either one of them gave her as a gift. It was how she was; curious, strong, but profoundly compassionate beyond her cycles towards everyone she met.

She was an angel.

Their angel.

"I'm almost done with her gauntlet. I'm going to try and finish it after she goes to bed tonight." Purple yawned leisurely, reaching out and patting Red on the chest with his free hand. "Give me your hands, honey. And don't tell me no, because I know they hurt and I can see it on your face."

Red didn't protest, relinquishing his digits to his mate and letting his purr slip into an audible rumble when he felt Purple dig his thumbs into his palms and crack every rigid joint his loving touch grazed over, rolling them under his own skilled touch and massaging away the dull ache in waves as they sat in silence. Every tendon, every bone and exhausted nerve got special attention as Purple watched with half lidded, compassionate eyes from above, observing every reaction and tiny mumble pouring off Red's lips to help him focus on the places that needed him most. Several minutes passed, Purple taking delicate care of his partner's scarred skin and laughing under his breath when he dozed to the comforting treatment, lolling off to the side as he half-heartedly tried to stay awake to the gorgeously relaxing warmth spreading up his arms and threatening beautifully to put him down in one of his famous snoring fits he and Zil fervently snickered at when her father fell asleep on the couch to the news. After a while, Red's affectionate purr had leaked away to be swallowed whole by his slow, rhythmic breathing, Purple shattering the peace when he gingerly lowered his arms to the bed and leaned down at a snail's pace to press a slow, lingering kiss to his lips before flying back with a loud yelp of alarm when Red shot up on instinct and cracked their foreheads together.

"Ow! What the hell, Red?!" Purple whined through the sting between his eyes, rubbing furiously at the deep color that was sure to develop. "Are you trying to kill me?! All I wanted was a little attention, geez!"

Red willed his rapid fire relaxes to calm, taking a deep breath and bringing a hand to the headache now throbbing through his skull. "It's not my fault, idiot! You know not to do stuff like that!" He pulled his fingers away and stood, wavering a moment before stooping and peppering a few apology kisses to his husband's cheek when he turned away with a scowl. "Come on, Pur…don't wake me up like that, alright? I'm serious, baby, I don't want my weird war reflexes to kick in or anything. Besides, Zil will be home soon and I don't want her walking in on anything that she doesn't need to see."

"All I wanted was a kiss."

"Pur, you never want just a kiss."

"Ugh, why do you have to always go there? You make me sound like a starved freak or something."

"Starved? Yes. Freak…eh."

"Eh?! What does 'eh' mean?!"

"It means you're only half a freak. One half is freakish and annoying and the other half is cute and…still annoying. So, no, I guess you really are a total freak then. I still love you though."

Purple frowned and opted to let the mischievous spat die before it escalated into another brawl full of teasingly affectionate adoration and swinging claws, following close behind when he heard the hatch to their quarters open and sling shut, glancing up at the time on the wall and smiling faintly to himself when he noticed that Gor had dropped her off just in time to maintain her carefully planned schedule. He opened his mouth to call out for her, freezing in his tracks when he caught sight of her bouncing with soaring anticipation next to a short, awkward, unforeseen visitor. She had taken him austerely by the fingers, clutching them in her brawny grip as he tried to maintain as much distance between them as possible through his own blistering anxiety, glancing up and locking eyes with Red who stared him down in a mix of utter bewilderment and repulsion, stuttering out a few unintelligible syllables as he tried to rationalize what he was seeing.

"Daddy! Dad! This is my boyfriend Yon Pil! He's gonna be my Tallest and we're gonna share toys and snacks, and no one else can have him!" Zil practically screamed, throwing her bag to the floor before taking off down the corridor to drag her newfound plaything along as he whined and squirmed. "This is where I live and I wanna show you my room!"

Red snapped out of his fugue, swallowing thickly and calling out with his stern, overly protective voice when Purple found himself hung up on the disturbing fact that their innocent daughter had singled out a Vortian to force her affections onto instead of an Irken.

A Vortian.

A Vortian.

As if Zil didn't already openly defy hundreds of social laws and treaties on her own childish accord and now she had brought the enemy into their quarters claiming that he was her boyfriend?

"Hey! Get back here, young lady!" Red demanded, dialing back his tone when Zil blinked and visibly shuddered at the tenor she knew meant trouble. "Who is this and why is he here? You do realize that this is the Massive, an Irken only ship and symbol of our great Empire, and you brought a Vortian here?"

Zil shuffled her feet and looked to Yon for help, only further sinking down into herself when he remained unmoving and blank to the world. "He's my boyfriend." She mumbled under her breath, wincing when Purple joined in on the hatching argument.

"Ah. That's sweet, isn't it Red?" He forced out between his teeth, trying to remain sensitive to the fake relationship he knew would be over the next day she returned to her Pre-Academy at the close of the weekend and bringing Red's growing annoyance back down to a simmer when he swiped his hand inconspicuously over his. He turned to Yon who continued to stare off into space, wishing desperately for his mother to come and pick him up before startling when Purple cleared his throat. "So, you're my daughter's…boyfriend?"

Yon finally looked up through his embarrassment with a glint of genuine curiosity in his eyes as he adjusted his large glasses over his face when they threatened to fall once more. "No! I'm not her boyfriend! My mama said I have to come here to give you butter, but I don't have any." He muttered through his shame, only further perplexing Zil's parents who were still trying to piece together the whole of the strange story. "You need the butter to make my mama's em…embersay."

Red thought a moment, feeling his already declining expression sour when he recognized the hideous surname, Pil, from the recent news. The weird little nuisance was the son of Yana Pil and Kret Pil, two Vortian activists causing a whole heap of political uproars on their overthrown planet at the time and sparking waves of revolutionary thought that Red had tried hard to stomp out with the confiscation of Vortian literature and the obliteration of their constitution after the Organic Sweep of their planet. They had moved to Irk from Vort to convene with the Irken Aristocracy for funding to bridge the social gap between their two peoples, suggesting that a Vortian run embassy should be built in the Irken capitol of Veloria to show off the dedication and brotherhood they were trying to restore. Thousands of lengthy agreements had flooded Red and Purple's personal transmitters, each asking for a single electronic signature of approval to begin with the excavation and building process, but Red had blatantly refused after Purple had pointed out that a Vortian embassy would allow a potential safe haven for any rebels living in the area to come together and plot the demise of the Empire. Neither one had signed, and they never would, sending out extradition orders to remove the family from the planetary surface and throw them back into the thick of their own ridiculous little planet to serve the Empire in the way they should; through hard labor.

And now…their daughter had thought it a good idea to bring the offspring of the two into the sanctity of their home and violate everything with his foreign hands.

Purple held up a finger to silence his partner when he went to yell out another hot retort, instead stooping to the strange creature's level and gingerly prying his daughter's iron grip from his now numb hand to officially free him from the relationship he wanted to bawl his eyes out over. He looked him head to toe as Zil protested, chewing on his tongue and swallowing his own pride when a devious, utterly entertaining idea popped like a callous bubble in his overactive imagination.

Hopefully, if they went along with her sickening decisions, she would grow out of them and finally come around to the designated hierarchy set in place that kept their glorious society running without a hitch.

"Oh, silly Zilly, I can't believe you've already found your life mate." He gave a fake laugh, watching as Yon shot straight with alarm and glanced between the three in terror at the fabricated observation. "I guess that means your Dad and I will get to retire. Right, honey?"

Red caught on to his game, sneering but deciding not to snap back. "Yeah, whatever. If you want to have a boyfriend I guess you're ready to be Tallest and take over the whole of the Empire."

Zil paused, freezing in her tracks before turning back from where she had been petting at Mama Kitty under the edge of their sofa, staring up in awe at her parents before letting her face turn to something of twisted dismay and mind-altering shock. "But…I don't wanna be Tallest yet! I don't wanna do icky adult stuff!" She stuttered, terrified beyond belief at her parent's coy game and taking it for fact. "I'm prettiest in my class so I have to have a boyfriend to prove it!"

Purple shrugged with an overexaggerated sigh, moving to the kitchen and slinging open the pantry to begin taking down dry goods as he carefully formulated a plan to get their daughter to dump her fictitious boyfriend. "Well, I guess Dad and I are going to move out then so you two can have your privacy. You won't be needing any of this stuff since you've got a job now, so you can buy your own food and snacks. Oh! And you'll have to pay the electrician to come out and inspect the core of the Massive once a month or else it'll overheat and you'll be stranded out here." He held back a laugh as Zil tried to keep track of what was unfolding, letting her jaw go slack when Purple scooped up an armful of dried foods and pastas and made his way to the front hatch. "Are you coming, Red?"

Red let his anger fade completely when Zil threw her hands out in front of her in repulsed bewilderment, growing flustered and utterly exasperated as her rational judgement left her in a fog. He followed after his partner and swallowed down a laugh as he opened the hatch, grinning back to where Zil had shot a hot, furious stare in Yon's direction. "Ok, have a good life, Zil! Congrats on the partnership and if you need anything you can call us and-"

"Ew, no!" Zil cried out in sudden disgust, wildly shaking her head and grabbing for Yon to walk him over to the door as he tried to cry out in panic. "I only wanted a boyfriend because all the pretty girls had one but if I haveta do all of this boring Daddy and Dad stuff I don't want one!" She flicked her antennae forward and gave Yon a final haughty glance over. "I'm breaking up with you! Don't call me!" She said simply, repeating a phrase she had heard from one of Purple's sit coms before turning on her heel and taking her leave back to the kitchen. "Daddy, come back! I want a snack, please!"

With that, Purple grinned and reveled in his victory, following her and leaving Red with the strange little creature staring blankly back up at him and reeling from what had just happened in the past hour and a half to bring him to such a disturbing point in his young life.

Red glared back, glancing to the side when Yon didn't move, stuck firm at their door as he gingerly shut it and blinked to himself before shrugging and following after his partner and daughter.

Two hours later

"My Tallest, please we would just like one word of your time!

"Yes, sirs, if we could just discuss the societal ramifications of peace that we are proposing to you, we'll gladly be on our leave!"

"Mama, can't we just go home?"

Purple shoved another forkful of creamy, delicious pasta in his mouth as he eyed the locked hatch with leisure interest, listening to the pathetic family of three pound on the cool metal as Red tenderly wiped away a string of sauce threatening to cascade down Zil's chin as she munched. He sighed and returned to his meal, crossing his legs where he sat before taking another bite and talking with his mouth full.

"Did you call security?" He asked plainly, swallowing and looking up when Red gave him a tiny, uninterested nod.

"Yeah, they'll be here any minute." He turned back to Zil who had started clinking her fork against the porcelain of her plate with a giggle. "Good news for you, kid. We're sending your little boyfriend back to Vort with his parents so you won't ever have to deal with him again." He shifted arrogantly in his seat, incredibly pleased with his decision and grinning to himself at the thought of sweet, sweet success.

Zil shrugged and stabbed at another noodle, laughing when it slipped away and landed on the once pristine table. "That's ok. I'm so over boys." She blinked and decided to correct herself, reaching out and patting Purple on the back of the hand before doing the same to Red. "But don't worry, you're still good boys."

Purple tried to hold back a smile but couldn't, breaking the mood and tucking a napkin in the front of Zil's shirt to prevent staining it further from her appalling eating habits. "You think so?"

"Yup. You and Dad are my favorite boys in the whole universe!"

"You're my favorite smeet in the universe."

"Aw, Daddy, that's really nice! I love you!"

"Love you too, freak."

This one was fun to write. Zil is a menace and I love her! Have a good night, guys!