Disclaimer: This story is 100% alternate universe and most, if not all, of the characters in this story are out of character as well. Also, I don't own anything by J.K. Rowling and I am not trying to steal her characters, plots, or moments within the books that she has written. This is my own story and I also claim to not copy off of anyone else's work either in the process.
What Happened Previously: Harry awakens in the hospital wing after falling off his broom while flying. Ron reveals his master plan to get good grades on his exams, but it annoys Hermione to no end. The kids finish up their Potions exam and are about to finish the Charms exam as well until Dumbledore bursts in and cancels the exams until further notice.
A/N: Sorry about the long wait. I took a significant break from writing and focused on graphic design work. It also didn't help that I had severe writer's block too.
Chapter 16: Exams Are Cancelled, Hermione! Shut Up and Fucking Deal With It! (Part 2)
"I wonder what the emergency is." Hermione said aloud as the kids were escorted into the Great Hall.
"I honestly couldn't fucking care. I'm pissed that Seamus blew up our feather, and I'm also fucking pissed because he made a fool out of me by being his partner!"
"Well, I'm glad we get a break from exams." Ron said. "Tests hard."
"Well spoken, Ron. Next, you'll start talking like a caveman and say things like "Me Hungry!" and "Tests Hurt Brain!" Actually you sort of talk like that already, so I guess you're on your way kid!"
"That wasn't nice, Harry. Apologize to Ron." Hermione stated.
"Why? Does he even know what a caveman is, Hermione?"
"It doesn't matter, Harry. You said something rude, and now you have to apologize!"
"Yeah, Harry! You hurt feelings."
Harry was about to ask how Hermione how she could have heard his insult, but then he remembered that there wasn't a curse word in that sentence so he decided to go back to using them. The boy couldn't also help but laugh internally when Ron spoke in broken English.
"I really have no idea why I'm apologizing. This ginger fuck is an embarrassment of a human being already." Harry thought.
"Okay fine. Ron, I'm sorry you're a fucking caveman."
"Well. Just don't again." Hermione shook her head and sighed after Ron spoke. Harry, on the other hand, was doing his best not to burst out laughing.
"Quiet Gryffindors!" Professor Flitwick exclaimed. "If you continue to speak, I will take away points and will prevent your house in the running for the house cup!"
"So? It's not like anyone cares anyway." Harry thought.
"Not the cup! We won't beat those dirty snakes if we lose more points!" Ron said louder than he intended and it almost came off as a shout.
Harry wasn't surprised that Ron decided to blurt out his feelings instead of thinking things through, but what came next was out of left field.
"MISTER WEASLEY! 20 POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR FOR FAILING TO FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS!" The tiny professor exclaimed.
Ron was so stunned that he stopped walking abruptly. His mouth was agape and then was subsequently knocked down the stairs accidentally. The boy tripped over several Gryffindor students as he slid down the steps. This, unfortunately, caused one of the students in the front of the line to trip and fall over the edge of the staircase. As the child fell into the abyss below, the sounds of his screaming filled the halls of Hogwarts.
"Oh dear, Fillius. It looks like we will have to add another dead child to our deceased list this year." Dumbledore said aloud. Flitwick wasn't listening, however.
"MISTER WEASLEY! YOU INADVERTENTLY CAUSED A STUDENT TO DIE! 1000 POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!" The entire group of Gryffindors groaned while Harry did his best to quietly laugh. Most of the kids would have done something harmful to Ron but decided against it in case someone else died.
"But that's not fair! How are we supposed to win the house cup now?" Ron pouted.
Most of the Gryffindors in the group turned to look at Ron as if he had started growing three heads. Didn't the boy realize he had just KILLED someone? Apparently not because the only thing on his mind was winning a shiny trophy! What an idiot.
"SHUT IT RON!" Hermione shouted at her idiot acquaintance.
"MISS GRANGER DO NOT YELL AT ANOTHER STUDENT! 10 POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!"
"Fillius, I think that's enough."
"DUMBLEDORE, DO NOT CHALLENGE MY AUTHORITY! 100 POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!"
"Oh, dear. My apologies children." There was no point in moaning any longer. Within the span of two minutes, Gryffindor went from third place in the rankings, to so low that no possible act of God could save them to win the cup.
"Does ANYONE else have something to say?" The class decided wisely not to challenge the midget's authority. Harry was considering raising his hand, but he wanted to wait and see if Ron had any more surprises.
"Good! Now everyone head into the Great Hall immediately!"
Harry, Ron, Hermione and the rest of the students walked down the ever long set of staircases while remaining in silence. That didn't mean the kids weren't thinking about what just happened, however. A student just died and the professors didn't seem all that bothered by it. Did a lot of students die each year, and an incident like that was just the norm? Well whatever was going on, it wasn't good.
"This school is extremely dangerous." Harry thought. "It's a wonder that the first years survive at all. No one in their right mind would ever send their kid here if they were to tally up the body count from this year alone."
Harry started to snicker because he realized he was somewhat partly responsible for the deaths over the last few months. The giant squid killed someone after Harry threw a rock in the Black Lake, the boy almost killed Oliver Wood during the quidditch tryouts, that weird figure died in the woods when the killing curse rebounded on Harry, the three-headed dog devoured Neville Longbottom, ... and that doesn't even include the dozens of times that Ron suffered because of Harry's actions. The carrot-topped fuck was extremely lucky to be alive. If there was some kind of lottery system in the Wizarding World, then Harry would have to bet his entire life savings on another kid dying before the school year was over.
The children arrived inside of the Great Hall and were the last to arrive since everyone else was inside. The crowd of students and faculty was quite boisterous.
"Attention! May I have your attention please?" Dumbledore exclaimed over the loud voices. The room finally simmered down, and the old wizard continued.
"Thank you. I have a troubling announcement I wish to make! Due to the extreme number of deaths this year, Hogwarts will have to be shut down before the summer holidays begin! There is not much time to waste as tomorrow you will all be escorted home. When you return to school in September, we will have these situations under control, but until then, Hogwarts is a danger to everyone."
The sound of silence filled the entire hall. Everyone pretty much had the same thought running through their heads. Hogwarts had to be shut down? There were too many deaths? What was going on?
"Hold on, Headmaster!" A young Gryffindor exclaimed from the hall. "You said the castle had been breached!"
"I lied. There was no breaching. I was only saying that so you kids would get into the Great Hall faster."
Immediately following this statement, 98% of the people in the Great Hall were angry and began shouting profanities at the Headmaster. Dumbledore wasn't in the mood to deal with this annoyance however, so he decided to end the debacle at once.
"ENOUGH!" Dumbledore shouted with the help of the Sonorous charm. "Please return to your dormitories immediately, and begin packing your belongings! The train leaves at 9:00 AM sharp! You are all dismissed!"
With that, the students all headed back to their common rooms. Some of the students began to express their anger due to Dumbledore's comment along the way. Harry wasn't going to say anything aloud, but he did consider Dumbledore's comment unexpected and quite rude. Then again everything he had done this year was also unexpected and rude.
"Touche, Dumbledore. I'll have to find a way to trump that stunt before the year is over." The boy thought. As he was finishing up his thoughts, Harry was suddenly snapped back into reality once he began to hear Hermione's complaining.
"Can you believe it? Hogwarts is closing! This is terrible! I never got to take all of my exams!"
"You cannot be seriously concerned about exams. Right, Hermione?"
"Harry, nothing is more important than our education! So what if a few students died? I will be the head girl someday, and if I am not able to take any exams in my first year, it will kill my chances!" Harry and Ron turned to one another and had the same look on their faces. It showed concern and a feeling of weirdness.
"Wow. Hermione, you really are something else. I was expecting you to go all crazy because of not finishing your exams, but you're suggesting that kids dying is not as important as your grade in Herbology? Are you fucking mental?"
"Hermione, that dumb! Kids no supposed to die!" Ron tried to verbalize, but it came out as moronic grunts that sounded like words. Harry smacked Ron upside the head, and that seemed to have gotten his grammar under control.
"It seems we are at an impasse, gentlemen. If this is how you feel, then perhaps we should just go to bed early and talk tomorrow." The girl said this as a statement rather than a question. She then took her leave with all of the other students and pushed her way back to the Gryffindor tower.
"She needs to get her priorities in order."
"You said that earlier this year, Ron. Are you dumb or just fucking daft?"
"She needs to get her priorities in order."
"Ron, you just said that again!"
"She needs to get her …"
"Shut the fuck up you imbecile!" Harry exclaimed while being extremely annoyed. "Come on, Ron. Let's go back to the tower and head off to bed.
"But it's only 5:30!"
"Just shut up and move, dumb ass." Harry said as he dragged the boy along.
It only took an hour to get most of the kids situated and off to bed. A bunch of the older students stayed up late to get any other priorities in order, but the younger students were required to sleep. The time was now 6:30, and Ron was not happy with having to go to bed early.
"I want to play Quidditch! It's not fair."
"Ron, ya need to head to sleep. The train is comin' in tomorrow and we can't be late." The boy named Seamus stated.
"But I haven't played in over a week! If I don't get to play a game tonight, then I won't be able to sleep!"
"Sounds like a YOU problem, Ron." The redhead turned towards the comment. The young man was mad, but he seemed to have brushed it off.
"You agree with me. Right, Harry?" The boy was intently looking at Ron with a thousand-yard stare. Sometimes it was hard to follow Ron's logic and stay focused on what he was saying.
"Ron, you heard what the professors said. We need to sleep! Can't you keep your primal urges in check for a few more hours?" Harry asked.
"I want to play Quidditch!"
"FINE! If it will get you to shut up, then let's go out and play a game." Harry said as he gave in, effectively admitting to himself that he barely put up a fight.
At the speed of 30 seconds, Ron Billius Weasley got out of bed, threw on some clothes, and stuffed his fat feet into his worn-out shoes.
"I'm ready! Let's go!" Harry rolled his eyes. He wasn't going to get dressed for this stupidity. The only reason the boy was going was to see Ron get in a lot of trouble.
The redhead flew down the stairs, and Harry followed him whilst grabbing his invisibility cloak, and keeping up at a slow pace. By the time Harry got down the stairs, he accidentally ran into an annoying bookworm that also had no idea he was coming.
"Harry! You shouldn't sneak up on people like that!"
"I didn't, Hermione. I merely went down the stairs, and your freakish brain informed you to get startled by the mere sight of me."
"Did I see Ron leave just now?" she asked while ignoring Harry's unheard comment.
"Yeah, he was going out to the pitch to play some Quidditch. I told him to wait, but you know how impatient and simple-minded he is."
"Harry, no! We need to stop him from going outside! There could be a lot of danger out there." Normally Harry would just ignore this bullshit and continue on his way, but it seemed to coincide with his plans rather well.
"Fine. Let's go then." Hermione nodded and headed off through the Common Room door.
It was no surprise that Ron was nowhere to be seen on the stairs or farther down below. As Harry and Hermione traversed downward, the two were suddenly appareled away to the darkroom on the third floor where the three-headed dog, Fluffy, was sleeping. Understandably, the pair of children were confused.
"How in the fucking hell did we get here?" Harry asked.
"Why are we here? I thought we were going to find Ron?" Neither one of the kids seemed to have gotten an answer, however, because a familiar voice rang out in the room.
"Hello? Harry? Hermione? I'm scared of the dark and I can't find my way around here! Please help! There might be some spiders!" Ron exclaimed.
"Stay where you are, Ron! If you're lucky, only a few spiders will poison you!" After hearing the boy squeal like a baby pig, Harry burst out laughing as hard as he could.
Unfortunately, the next part came out of nowhere. The redhead decided to run full speed into Harry and Hermione in order to try and get out of the room, and as a result, the three kids were sent to the ground with a thud.
"Watch where you're going, Ronald!" Hermione shouted as she got up.
"What the hell was that for?" Harry asked.
"Sorry! I was scared of the spiders! I didn't want … " Ron tried to finish his statement but he was interrupted by a huffing sound and a growl.
As the kids started adjusting themselves to the darkness in the room, the three-headed dog Fluffy awoke from his slumber and barked ferociously at the children. While Ron and Hermione screamed their heads off from the scare, Harry did his best to take care of the dog. At first, the boy had no idea on how to beat the giant dog, but a few seconds later went by and he came up with an ingenious idea.
"WINGARD LEVOSA!" Harry cried as he shot out a spell from his wand. Instead of deciding to cast the levitating charm, the boy purposely pronounced the spell wrong, just like Seamus did earlier that year, and the dog exploded into a million pieces.
"AAAEEEEIIIGGHHH!" Ron screeched as he fainted to the floor. Apparently he wasn't used to seeing blood. Or guts. Or anything gruesome really. Harry assumed Ron would be out for the rest of the night, and didn't bother to move his clumsy body as he would have.
"WHAT WAS THAT, HARRY?!" Hermione asked while trying her best to not die of a heart attack.
"I killed the dog, Hermione. Even an idiot could see that."
"Why did you kill, Fluffy?! That was completely barbaric!"
"I wanted the damn thing gone, and since he killed Neville earlier this year, I felt it was poetic justice to take care of this beast."
"How did you do that spell? What was it that you cast?"
"Remember back when we first learned the Wingardium Leviosa spell in Flitwick's class?"
"Yes, I remember that lesson quite well. From what I remember, you were having a difficult time trying to get your feather to float. I, however, was able to get the charm in under …"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP HERMIONE!" Harry angrily cursed. "Please answer the question. Do you remember or not?"
"I already said I did. What of it?"
"Do you remember what happened with Seamus?"
"He had trouble getting the incantation to work. His feather kept burning up and …" She said while trying to put the pieces together. It only took her 10 more seconds to figure out what happened. "YOU BLEW UP THE DOG?!"
"Finally the great genius figured it out."
"You can't kill a dog, Harry! That's horrible!"
"Bite me, Hermione. The dog was about to eat us, and if I hadn't done anything, we would have ended up as bones in here."
"BUT YOU CAN'T JUST KILL A DOG, HARRY!" Hermione screeched. Harry was starting to get really annoyed with his bushy-haired friend and decided to take care of this problem before it got out of hand.
"This is fucking annoying, Hermione. Hopefully, this will keep you quiet." He said as he raised his wand at her. "Petrificus Totalus!" Hermione's body snapped itself together into a magical body bind and prevented her from moving or speaking as she fell to the ground.
"Thank god that's over. Now maybe I can get some peace and quiet around here." Harry said.
The boy started to move towards the door of the room and head back into the Common Room, but as soon as he touched the door handle to leave, the child was apparated away to another place that he had no desire to be in.