XVI: Love Always, Your Tiger

~Aaron~

The sun is close to completely dipping below the horizon behind us when Gracie and I reach Alexandria's gate. Scott's on watch, leaning forward when we ride up. "Aaron, is that you?" he questions. "What are you and Gracie doing here?"

"Moving," I answer. "Where's Michonne?"

The gate slides open, and I see Michonne on the other side. "I was checking up on everyone on watch for the night," she says. "What's going on?"

"I didn't want to risk coming out here any longer," I explain. "Clary thought that if I wanted to stay away from danger, then I should take Gracie and go to Alexandria to stay. So here we are."

"Is Clary coming?" Michonne asks.

"No. She wants to stay and risk herself trying to avenge someone that advocated against violence. But… if she does come, you'll let her in, right?"

"Aaron, she made her opinion on both Alexandria and myself very clear."

"At least let her see us." She hesitates. "Michonne, Clary's my daughter."

"Fine. The occasional visit, no council input from Clary, and you follow my rules."

Michonne steps aside, allowing Gracie and I to enter before she closes the gate. I dismount my horse, facing Michonne. "I told you before I'm sorry for not listening to you," I say. "I truly am. Michonne, you were right. You were right this whole time, and I should've listened. I didn't then, but I am now."

~Michonne~

My Council has been keeping secrets from me. Not just the Council, but the people close to them, too. It was Aaron that confessed first, further proving his loyalty and re-earning him his council spot within two days of being at Alexandria. He didn't rat the others out, though—they made it clear that they all agreed to come clean about the radio.

I take a step back from the table that it rests on in Gabriel's garage, asking, "Who else knew about this?"

"Just Eugene and Rosita," Gabriel repeats, answering it the same way he's been answering it.

"Oh, and Clary," Siddiq adds.

"I thought that went without saying," Laura replies.

"Point is, just the people on the Council, plus Eugene and Rosita," Gabriel says. "We would've told you if we found someone out there, but we didn't."

"Then who knows who else was listening?" I return.

"We weren't being careless with it," Gabriel snaps.

I turn to face him, stepping closer as he dares to challenge me, the head of security for Alexandria. "Eugene and Rosita went out to set up this relay and almost died because of it. Jesus did die because of it. Negan got out while you were distracted because of it! I can't do my job if the Council is keeping things from me!"

"We gave you the power to veto the Council based on security concerns, but now everything is a security concern. So our votes don't matter anymore, unless you agree with them. What is the point of even having a Council if you don't listen to us?"

"You're starting to sound a lot like Clary, Gabriel," I warn. "Putting ourselves out there when we don't have to is dangerous!"

"So is cutting us off from the rest of the world. Who are we supposed to turn to when we need help? We can't be so worried about finding enemies that we lose our friends."

"We did lose a friend," Aaron chimes in. Everyone bows their heads, not meeting Aaron's gaze, all of us knowing how close Jesus was with each of the Raleighs. "Look, we all set out with the best intentions, but that doesn't change what happened. There's a new enemy out there, and they're exactly what Michonne was afraid we'd find. I don't regret the time I spent out there with Jesus, running back and forth between communities with Clary. I don't.

"What happened, maybe that would've happened anyway," Aaron continues. "But now we know what's out there, and we can't pretend otherwise. We put Michonne in charge of security for a reason. Her judgement has saved us time and time again."

"Yes, but at what cost?" Siddiq inquires. Siddiq, the man that my son died saving, turning on me, challenging me. "We saw Carol when we were at the Hilltop. And she told me that she tried asking Michonne for help with the Fair again, and she said that you turned her down."

"You spoke on behalf of Alexandria?!" Gabriel demands.

"The question of the Fair is old business," I reply.

"Yes, but we have new information," Siddiq retorts. "Look, the Fair starts the day after tomorrow, and it's not too late to reconsider. Carol says that situation at the Kingdom is far worse than Ezekiel let on in his letter. Aaron, have you been there recently? Can you elaborate?"

"Clary and Jesus were there some time last year, but I didn't go with them," Aaron replies with a shrug. "I wouldn't know. It's mostly been letters, maybe meeting halfway here and there. What did Carol tell you?"

"Kingdom's too isolated. They need the trade that this Fair will bring."

"The Kingdom can take care of itself," Laura opposes. "They always have."

"Carol wouldn't ask for help a second time if it wasn't serious."

"I motion the Council take a second vote on the Kingdom's Fair," Nora proposes.

"To what end?" Gabriel sighs. "She'd just veto it."

"I would," I agree. "The roads leading there from here are broken and dangerous, and there is a group dressed as the dead who are trying to kill us." I sigh, turning to Siddiq. "Look, I wish we could help them, too. And we could vote to open up our doors to our friends just like we did with the people of Sanctuary. I could get behind that. But Carol made it clear in her letter that Ezekiel is not ready to give up the Kingdom, and I'm not ready to risk Alexandrian lives over this."

"I know that you just want what's best for us," Siddiq says. "But what does it mean for Alexandria to survive if it means that the Kingdom falls?"

"It means Alexandria survives."

"Judith, stay with your brother," I order, leaving her to watch over RJ as she and Gracie play with him. I take off down the street to meet Aaron, not too happy as he walks towards my house. He pauses when he sees me heading to meet him, turning and walking as we walk back towards the gate. "What is it?"

"Daryl's at the gate," he answers.

"And you didn't let him in?"

"He's not alone."

"Christ," I sigh. Aaron gestures for me to lead the way up the ladder when we reach the watch post, Laura greeting us at the top. I step to the corner, looking down at Daryl. Connie stands with him, Dog faithfully at his feet. Henry stands behind him, using his bo staff for support, with the skin we captured holding his hand.

"Henry's hurt," Daryl calls up to me. "You were closest. We wouldn't have come. We had no other choice."

"What about her?" I demand.

"Lydia's with us," Henry answers.

Daryl gives me a nod to confirm, and I turn around to face Aaron and Laura. Aaron hisses, "We can't trust her."

"But I trust Daryl," I return. I climb down from the watchpost, opening the gate for them myself.

~Daryl~

"Is Hilltop in danger?" Judith asks, glancing over at me as we sit on the bridge that crosses Alexandria's lake, the water wheels turning around us.

"I don't know," I admit. "It might be."

"Is that why Aaron and Gracie came, but Clary didn't? Mom won't tell me, and neither will Aaron."

"I don't know. He hasn't told me why Clars ain't with him."

"Is it because she wants to keep Hilltop safe?"

"Might be. Probably. The skins do know where they are."

"And you helped Lydia anyway."

"No, I went to get Henry," I tell her with a shake of my head. "Lydia just kinda tagged along."

"You brought her here. That means you want to help. I want to help, too."

"I know you do."

Judith turns to me. "Would you stay if my mom says it's okay?"

I pause for a moment, just enough to fool Judith into thinking I'm considering it, but I know that Michonne wouldn't be thrilled with letting a stranger stay after she let Jocelyn in. Finally, I give Judith my answer. "Nah. I should keep moving. Your mom's right, keeping you and RJ safe. This place. That's what's important."

"No, it isn't," Judith aruges. "I mean, not just us. It's important for everyone to be safe. I've heard the stories, how everyone fought the Saviors and won. We can do that again."

I shake my head. "No. You haven't heard all the stories. Those stories, the ones that parents tell their kids, they don't tell you what it cost us. About how we lost so much that, by the end, we weren't sure if it was worth it. Too many kids were orphaned, too many people widowed. Too much death, and Negan came out alive."

"Uncle Daryl, was Negan really as bad as the stories make him out to be?" Judith questions.

I sigh. "Kid, I'm probably the wrong person to ask that to."

"Then who's the right one?"

I shrug. "Dunno. Maybe Clary. Though she might not be the right one either."

"'Cause he saved her life?" Judith asks. "That winter, after my dad died. She'd be biased, right? Say that he's not as bad as the stories made him out to be?"

"How do you know about that?"

"He told me one time. While he was helping me with my homework."

I can't help but chuckle at the image of Negan—big, bad Negan—helping little Judith Grimes with a math problem. "Does your mom know that Negan helps with your homework?"

"She got mad at me for it," Judith admits. "She doesn't like me talking to Negan. I think she's scared."

"She has a right to be," I tell Judith. "That's why she wants to protect you, RJ, and Alexandria. And it's why we can't stay."

~Aaron~

I glance over to Daryl as Michonne and I lead Daryl and his group to the gate under the cover of the night. "Do you remember," I begin, "way back when I told you that you'd make a great father?"

"Yeah," Daryl says slowly, unsure of where I'm going with this.

"You got to skip the exploding diapers part."

"No, I didn't," Daryl argues. "I had Clary the first sixteen years. You've had her the last eleven. Trust me, when I was sixteen, I had my fair share of exploding diapers, 'specially after Mom died."

I look down when Daryl mentions my daughter. He doesn't know the full extent of why I came to Alexandria; he doesn't know about the fight.

I clear my throat, saying, "You shouldn't have had to be a dad at sixteen."

"Will sure as hell wasn't gonna be. I could've left, but… I wasn't gonna let Clary alone with him, not like Merle did to me. That's why I was a dad and a brother all at once. All while I was still a teenager."

"But I was right."

Daryl chuckles. "A lot's changed. Back then, we were still building bridges."

I squeeze Daryl in a quick hug as we reach the gate. "Promise me you'll be careful."

"Yeah, of course, Dad," he teases.

I hit his arm as he pulls back. "I mean it. Be safe."

"You, too," he replies.

Michonne rolls open the gate for them, wrapping Daryl in a hug. He waves goodbye to Judith, who watches from the edge of the playground. "She's mad at me," Michonne tells him.

"It's 'cause she don't know," Daryl replies. "Why don't you tell her?"

"She's not ready. Neither am I. And… it was Clary that did the deed. She's kept it a secret all these years."

"Kept what a secret?" I question.

"She never told you," Daryl guesses. "About what she did that day, who she killed." I shake my head, still not knowing what day he's talking about. "Tell Judith, Michonne, so she understands. And tell him. I'd stay and do it myself, but we need to get moving."

The gate is rolled shut behind Daryl and his group, and I turn to Michonne. "What is he talking about?" I demand.

"I'll put Judith to bed and meet you at your house," Michonne says, rather than answering my question. "I'd rather not have her hear it just yet."

~Michonne~

I left Aaron in his house, still processing the truth about why I closed off Alexandria. Clary lied to him, told him that it was a different group that branded her and Daryl. She told him that she had killed, but didn't tell him that every person she killed that day was a child—every single child that Jocelyn had been taking care of.

She lied to everyone for years, all to hide one of her dirty secrets. And I've found out that she has more secrets, ones that she's kept hidden from me all while walking inside the walls of my home.

I'm careful to follow the creases exactly as I refold Clary's letter to Negan. No one can ever suspect that I've read it. No one can know that I know. Not Aaron, not Negan, not Daryl.

I fold my hands, resting my chin on my knuckles as I stare down at the letter that damns Clary Dixon. The Clary that wrote that letter, that did those deeds, is the Dixon that I once knew—the one that only cares about her immediate family, the one that'll turn on everyone else without a moment's notice. She's not Clary Raleigh, the one that cares about everyone she meets and does whatever to save them.

I don't think Clary Raleigh ever existed.

I don't know how she fooled me into thinking that she did for so long.

Clary Dixon will never be welcome within Alexandria again.

~Negan~

I look up from my book as Michonne enters the cellar, questioning, "Has Judith been down here today?"

I return, "You just curious, or…"

"Answer the damn question."

"I haven't seen her. Not since yesterday."

"What the hell does she talk to you about, anyway?"

"So now you're curious," I state, putting my book down.

"For someone who wants to be helpful, you're doing a pretty shit job of it."

"Nothing, really. Just chit-chat."

"Specifics."

"Homework, sometimes. Other times, how much she misses her Uncle Daryl. She likes hearing stories about her dad. For some reason, she likes hearing about my run with Clary—our adventure before she got shot, I should say. She likes hearing about Carl."

"So you feed her bullshit."

"She'd smoke out the bullshit. You know that. I let her know that she's just as much of a badass as Carl was. Then she yells at me for cursing. I tell her about how he got into the Sanctuary and shot up a bunch of my men. How dear old dad ninja-sliced my jugular. They're all old stories, Michonne, but they are new to her."

"And you tell her these things why? Because you know that I haven't? Or because you're trying to earn some sort of trust with her? Something that you can use? Is that what you did with Clary? You offered her an out, the tiniest bit of trust and she latched right on, didn't she?"

"What?" I question.

"No, she offered you the out." Michonne throws a folded piece of paper through the bars at me, snapping, "Read that."

I do, opening it and instantly recognizing Clary's handwriting from the years I spent reading and rereading her last letter.

Negan,

I'm sorry it has to end like this. I'm sorry this is my goodbye. I'm sorry I couldn't do more for you. I'm sorry, Negan, that you're still stuck in that goddamn cage. I'm sorry I couldn't get you out, that Michonne wouldn't listen.

I swear, this whole letter isn't one big apology.

I'm writing to you because I know that Michonne won't tell you shit. You deserve to know. There's no easy way to say this, but the basic premise is: you were right. I won't get my happy ending.

There's a new threat.

This new group, we call them the skins. They wear the dead's skin as a mask. It hides their scent and helps them walk among them. There's no way of knowing if it's them until it's too late. That's how we found out—too late.

They stabbed Jesus right in front of me. He died in my arms.

Any possibility of a happy ending went out the window when he died. I have to avenge him, Negan. I have to be the Orphan again. I have no other choice.

Negan, I truly believe that we've had it backwards this entire time. I know I can do a whole lot worse than you. You've never torn someone's throat out with your teeth—I have. You've never killed kids—I have. That's what I did that day, when Michonne closed off Alexandria. I am worse than you could've ever been, Negan, and that's a good thing.

These skins won't know they're fucking with the wrong Orphan.

I don't know if I'll make it back. I won't lie to you—you never lied to me. I know there's a very good chance I won't survive. I don't know how many there are, but I'll fight until they're all dead or I am.

I want to thank you, Negan, for all that you've taught me and all that you've done for me. Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for agreeing to do the dirty work and kill Rick Grimes, even though he beat us in the end. I'm sorry you lost it all because of me.

I want you to know that, had you won, I would've been completely loyal to you and forever in your debt. I would've taken Carl's place at your side—and I would've found a way to still be at your side if he lived. We would've been unstoppable, you and me. I dream of that sometimes. If only, I suppose.

Love always,

your tiger

Slowly, I refold the letter, putting it down on my bookshelf before getting to my feet and facing Michonne. "You've been back for four days and you didn't give it to me until just now?"

Michonne doesn't speak, and I start pacing, my mind racing with the thought of what Clary's planning. Of how she's probably risking herself doing something stupid or getting ready to risk herself doing something stupid right now. I spin on my heel, facing Michonne.

"You've gotta take me to Hilltop," I beg.

"Excuse me?" Michonne questions.

"Take me to Hilltop, Michonne!"

"Not a chance in hell!"

"Michonne, Michonne, please, you don't know her."

"I know her a lot better than you do, Negan," Michonne shoots back.

"You don't. Not anymore. You don't know her. I do. Michonne, I need to go. She's gonna get herself killed!"

"You don't know her," Michonne hisses. "You don't know anything about her, so stop pretending that you do. Stop pretending that you care, and just tell me what you know! Tell me what you tell Judith!"

"She likes hearing me talk."

"You like hearing yourself talk."

"So we have that in common. She comes down here to talk to me because I shoot straight with her. And now, maybe if you did that with her, you'd be talking to her right now instead of me."

Michonne lets out a humorless laugh. "You shoot straight? Did you tell her what you did to Glenn? To Abraham? Yeah, I didn't think so."

"I've always been honest with her. She asks questions, and I answer them. So yeah, she's heard those stories, too. I don't lie to her, Michonne, and I don't lie to Clary. Clary wrote to me because I'm the one person she won't lie to. Michonne, you've gotta take me to Hilltop! She's gonna do something stupid and risk her life!" Michonne turns away, starting towards the door. "Michonne, please! She'll get herself killed!"

"Maybe she should," Michonne says after a minute. "You lost it all because of her, Negan, and now you'll lose her, too."

As Michonne leaves, the door swinging shut behind her, it hits me that her phrasing is far too similar to the letter to be a coincidence. She read it, and she knows.

She knows, and she'll let Clary die because of it.

"Michonne!" I shout after her, but she just keeps walking. "Michonne, please! Please, don't let her die! Michonne!"