Author Talk: So belated Happy New Year everyone! Since I had officially turned 18, I thought I might celebrate with another update to the story and see where we go from here. I spent five days writing this chapter, to clarify...I meant for this to be release on New Year's Day, but unfortunately, I had to rewrite a few things. Also, I read all of your reviews, so...deep thanks to y'all who bothered to add something special to this story, that really makes my day.
If you like this, creating a link to this on TvTropes' Fanfic recommendations page won't hurt.
Disclaimer: The following is a fan-based parody. She-Ra and the Princesses of Power is owned and created by Noelle Stevenson and the DreamWorks Animation Television Team, and licensed by Netflix. Please support the official release.
"...So if you look at the spreadsheet for the last two reporting cycles, the Office of Veterans' Benefits and Civil Infrastructure has seen a 30% increase in efficiency. Bringing us about one standard deviation above the average." Ping paused dramatically, before clicking the slide over to a bar graph with a positively skewed spread over a period of months. "The data here shows the downturn of unprocessed applications since I've been placed in charge of the office. We found that there was an over 35% increase in satisfaction rate compared to the last three, get this, three reporting cycles. We attributed this increasing trend to the fact that claims are now being processed faster and that we are currently on track to process 400 applications a week."
There was something unnerving about addressing a near-empty room that Ping found make him sweat like a waterfall. The Force Captain placed the bowl of nutrient sludge down onto the desk and stared unblinkingly back at him, the shadow of a sneer appeared to hang on one corner of her mouth.
"So tell me, Junior Cadet. And what exactly have you accomplished?" She shoved a handful of the semi-viscous goo into her mouth, chewing as she spoke.
"Sorry?" Ping blinked.
"I said, what, exactly have you accomplished? Is this so hard to understand?" This time the sneer solidified on her face, it was an expression of extreme smugness undiluted by any trace of empathy or compassion.
"Well...look, we approved The transplant of a kidney for a patient and, look, didn't we at least manage to frost the glass doors?" Ping gestures helplessly at the double doors behind him.
She smiled toothlessly, "And I take it you did the surgery yourself, did you? Or was it you who frosted the doors? My, my, you certainly are quite the talent."
"Now look here, that is a precipitous argument at best. You've given me the right to have some assistance at the office. Don't be surprised if I delegate my assignments." Ping shot back, and regretted it almost as soon as the words left his mouth.
"THIS IS ALL WELL AND GOOD, BUT WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH ME?" A voice boomed from the other side of the room, a voice that accompanied with it the sudden but total darkness that encompasses the
"Why is she in the room? This meeting has nothing to do with her?" Confusion temporarily jostled aside the abject fear that enveloped him. He saluted nervously, "Uh, I'm currently giving a progress report to my commanding officer. Is something the issue?"
"And on my calendar, it says that I have a physio appointment scheduled at three right here." Her face remained unreadable behind her mask as the lightless tentacles that carried with it a biting cold melted seamlessly into her form.
"Wait a second, I think I know someone who knows what's going on." Ping said, as he slowly edged his way towards the door. As he poked his head out of the door, he gave his best thundering bellow. "KYLE!"
"Coming!" A weak voice trailed down from the hallway, leaving Ping feeling somewhat impatient and irritated. Soon, he spied the sweating, red-faced figure run down towards him. Giving a weak salute, Kyle stared at Ping blankly, unsure of what to do next, "Um, so, you sound angry."
"Were you the one who updated Shadow Weaver's calendar?" Ping tried to keep his volume under control, but as he spoke, he couldn't help but feel his voice rise an octave higher. He momentarily wrestled with the urge to shake Kyle by the shoulders. Luckily for Kyle, his better self prevailed.
Kyle's eyes widened, "Oh nooo, i-i-is she...oh—" His voice trailed off as Ping grimly stepped aside to reveal the shadowy figure standing behind him.
Shadow Weaver stepped forward, her hands outstretched as she commanded the shadows to claim Kyle. "NOW, TELL ME WHY I AM HERE. AND WHERE MY PHYSIO APPOINTMENT IS!"
"Gak! The...locations...haven't been...p-p-properly updated! There...must have been a glitch!" Tears streamed down Kyle's eyes as shadows circled around him like hungry sharks around prey.
"WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO BE!"
"Let me get to a...terminal and...check." Kyle choked out, as he wiped the snot and tears off his face. Finally, the shadows dissipated and the room cleared.
"Wait, Kyle, before you go...I can't get the calendar to display on my monitor! Which button do I click?" Force Captain Octavia shouted at Kyle, as she tried to check her calendar. "Nothing seems to be working!"
"Hm? Oh, do you mind if I take a look?" Kyle stopped trembling as his more helpful nature took over, he stepped over and examined the screen with a rapt focus. "Oh, it doesn't seem like you've verified your credentials yet. I think it's to prevent identity theft or some-such, but it's not implemented well. Anyways, it'll ask for a security question once you click next. So, uh, click next."
"The blue button?" She grumbled in confusion, slapping her face with a tentacle.
"Oh yes, click that. Now...uh, I think this is the landing page for someone else. Hold on, I'll video call someone." Kyle said, rapidly typing in a long sequence of numbers as he tried to help the confused Force Captain. "Hey Donny!"
"Yeah?" A bleary lizard-man popped up on the screen. Seeing the face of Force Captain Octavia, he immediately jumped to give a salute and bumped his head on the ceiling. "Ow!"
"We got another glitch here. Force Captain Octavia's login credentials are confused with someone else's. The events aren't hers...So do you mind checking the database? I think Shadow Weaver's abouttozapmewithboltsofpuredarkness—OW!"
"FIND ME MY PHYSIO APPOINTMENT!" The thunder of her voice echoed through while Kyle jumped out of the room with his face as white as a ghost's, he rushed down the hallway to . Ping grimaced, as he mentally composed a list of items he had yet to cover in his progress report. Unfortunately, it was at that moment Shadow Weaver turned her attention to him. "AND YOU, PING, IS IT? DO YOU THINK YOU HAVE DONE WELL IN YOUR ROLE?"
Ping knew that tone of voice. He heard it once when he was conned into accepting this blasted job by Octavia, that lousy octopus-person "N-no, Commander, I'm just a lowly office worker, I do what I can to reduce the preexisting backlog, but I would hardly consider myself to be—"
"AND YOU WOULD SAY THAT YOU'RE INCOMPETENT?" Ping couldn't see beneath the cold mask beneath her face, and yet he somehow had the gut feeling that an evil smile was culminating beneath it. "VERY WELL, THEN IT IS DONE!"
"Sorry, what? Commander, w-wait!" Ping yelped, but it was almost too late, smoke gathered around her and her form shimmered out of focus. Desperate, he yelled the first thing that came into his head, "I know of a spy in the Horde!"
That did the trick.
The room fell silent, Shadow Weaver shimmered back into focus as an icy gaze peered into him. There was only an awkward as Ping's protracted nervous breakdown worsened with each passing moment, making his tongue heavy and mute, "Well, I—"
"Commander Shadow Weaver, I finally found your booking details! It's in the room next door and, uh, it's now. The checkup starts now, sorry." Kyle rushed in, with a triumphant smile that disappeared as he made his way behind Ping, as though he could be shielded from Shadow Weaver's icy gaze. "Oh dear."
"Junior Cadet," Shadow Weaver said, her voice quiet and pronounced. Her voice now barely above a whisper as she walked into the shadows, "We will meet again, and I expect a full report on this matter the next time we meet. I expect that you will rise to meet the responsibility of your Role. Or die trying. Is this understood?"
"Y-y-y-yes!" Ping stood straighter, and tried to mask the raw panic that he felt as he clenched his fists behind his back.
"Then I will see to it that you're conferred the full weight of your responsibilities. Octavia, I fear that you're hand-holding him too much. If you see that he has potential, then there's no need for such inanities."
The Force Captain's face paled as she was addressed directly, her head bobbed up and down with a meekness and subservience that Ping had never seen before. Once more, Shadow Weaver faded into the darkened corners of the room. She trembled, "This concludes our meeting today. You are dismissed."
"But I still haven't finished—" Ping protested, flipping through a dozen or so slides to demonstrate his point before interrupted by a heavy tentacle slamming down onto the desk in front of him, cleaving it in half.
"I. SAID. YOU. ARE. DISMISSED." Force Captain Octavia said through gritted teeth glaring at him directly with reddened eyes, seemingly on the verge of apoplectic rage. "Is that understood? You are nothing. Nothing. Now go."
"Yes, ma'am." Ping said, made a salute, and dragged Kyle and his presentation with him out of the room as politely as possible. His jaw clenched as he eyed the two rooms behind.
"So, this is real power." He thought, thinking back on the shadows that Shadow Weaver commanded as though they were but natural extensions of her own body. Then he thought of how small Octavia looked as she obeyed Shadow Weaver's every command. And how small he was. He stayed silent for a moment, and walked down the hallway.