She was released from hospital and went home. Everyone came to visit and she was exhausted so finally begged off, going upstairs. Her things had been sent from Helmand, but were still in a box off to the side of the sitting area. She didn't care about them, just her mobile, which she found with her military id and dog tags on her dresser. The phone was dead, so she plugged it in and went to take a shower.

She was annoyed, having to wrap up her arm in a bin bag to keep the cast dry, but the hot spray was well worth the trouble. David was all she could think about since Harry had told her. She was convinced he was fine. He had to be.

She kept replaying that night over and over. She couldn't place him in the events that had occurred. She had been too focused on the downed Apache crew and getting back in the air. They had taken fire and the Lynx had gone down. She didn't remember hitting her head and she didn't remember anything about her rescue. She could remember that she heard his voice, his yelling, but that was it. She closed her eyes and could still hear it; him yelling at his crew to fire.

Eleanor stayed in the shower, her forehead on the marble, until the water went cold. Then, she wrapped up in a towel and went back to her cell. She went through all the missed calls and texts, but obviously nothing from David. Matt, her mates, relatives, but not the one she really wanted.

She rang him, knowing he wouldn't answer, but needing to hear his voice, even if it was just the voicemail message. It went straight to the mailbox. She hadn't planned on leaving a message, and sure enough when she heard his gravelly voice asking her to leave a message, she froze, hanging up.

As she had told David, everyone was in Norfolk for Christmas, but they had come back to the city for her. Not willing to leave her alone, but not wanting to stay in town, her father made her go back with them. They took the train and she was installed in a guest room at William and Kate's country house.

Trying to stay upbeat, she went over to the big house for tea with her grandparents. She liked being with them, talking about other family members and hearing old stories. After she got the all clear, she ran a lot, bundled up for the cold, following the winding paths on the estate. Granddad took her out on his carriage, she took George out on his little pony.

Harry was on the front steps at William and Kate's when she got back from a slow four miles. Her head hurt when she pushed too hard. She pulled out her earbuds, wrapping the cord around her mobile.

"What's up?" She asked, out of breath, despite the slowness of her run. Harry just stood there, but then suggested that they go inside. His tone and look gave him away immediately. "What's wrong?" She asked, not moving from the gravel drive.

"Ellie, please. It's cold."

"No. Tell me."

"The...they called me...from Germany." Harry's words came out ragged. Eleanor was frozen, her heart pounding so loudly in her head that she didn't hear the rest of his words.

"Is he…" she couldn't say it. Harry couldn't either, simply nodding and then reaching for her. Eleanor started shaking her head, repeating the word no, over and over as he pulled at her, supporting her weight and dragging her into the house. He easily overpowered her, pulling her to the sofa, where she clutched at him, mumbling things that were unintelligible.

"He...he can't be gone." She said, gripping Harry's arms. "I would know it."

She was still sitting frozen on the sofa, still in her running kit, when William and Kate came home. Harry spoke quietly with them and Kate came up to her.

"Maybe a shower will-" her sister-in-law tried, but Eleanor interrupted.

"Did any of them make it?" She asked, big watery eyes landing on Harry, who replied that there were four additional casualties, two more were still in hospital and two had been sent home. "Did they bring...bring his...him home?" She asked after a long stretch of quiet. Harry's eyes went to William, who was standing by the fireplace. William nodded, almost imperceptibly, but Harry still hesitated. "I won't go, I just-" Eleanor paused, taking a deep breath, her voice shaking. "I just want to make sure he's not still there. That he's not alone."

Harry looked out the window, fists clenched. William came closer. "They took his body to Scotland."

Days turned into weeks and she retreated further and further away from everyone. She felt badly for his children; so small to have lost their father. The families of the other men; Andy, Mikey and Ron. Even Vicki.

They had barely spoken of the woman, just that David knew it was his fault as much as hers, they had grown apart, meeting so young and him not willing or able to go civvy. Eleanor wondered if she felt guilty. David cheated too, and maybe Vicki knew that, or just assumed, but for him to die in combat whilst she was living with another man…

Everyone in the family took turns trying to get her up and about. She refused, holed up in the guest room at Anmer, mostly staying in bed, surviving on scotch and the occasional bowl of cereal Kate forced on her. Harry tried, even her uncle and aunts on the Spencer side. Her best mates came out, her cousins. No one could get to her. She didn't answer her phone, eventually it went dead. She didn't show any emotion, or even speak to anyone.

She finally broke when the Cambridges left to go back to Wales, William trying to yell her into going with them.

"If you don't get ready and pack up, I'll have the staff come in and do it." He came in, blue eyes surveying the mess; empty bottles and bowls. The staff had been told not to bother the Princess. "Do you want them to see you like this?" She just ignored him.

"Eleanor, it's been six weeks. He's gone."

That got a reaction and she sat up. "Don't you think I know that?" She asked. She knew the exact length of time it had been, down to the hour. The last time they had spoken, the last time they had seen each other, the last time they had touched.

"You can't just stay here. You've got to move on. Live your life. He would want-"

"Fuck you, William." She cut him off. She didn't yell; her voice deathly calm. "You didn't know him. Don't presume to tell me what he would and wouldn't want for me. I'm not going to Wales with you and your perfect family."

William knew better than to keep trying. His sister was just like his brother. Stubborn and dug in, intent on whatever they wanted no matter the consequences or the harm to themselves. He left, packing the family up to Wales.

The house was empty except for her and the staff. Her mates eventually gave up and the staff ignored her. She was completely alone, like a character in a Victorian novel, drinking herself into a stupor so the nightmares wouldn't come each night.

Six weeks later, the family took action. Her stepmother bustled in, throwing open the curtains, pulling off the blankets.

"Come on, up and out." Camilla insisted, leaving Eleanor no choice but to sit up. Her hair was a wild mess, dark circles under her eyes, skinny and paler than normal. She just stared as Camilla flitted around, her eyes following her stepmother. Room tidy, the late spring sun shining in, the older woman came and sat next to Eleanor in the bed.

"Would you like to talk with me about him?" Camilla asked kindly. Eleanor just shook her head. "Your father and brothers want to send you away." She didn't even shake her head at that. She didn't care. Let them send her away. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered.