He had forgotten how different the world looked after you lost someone you loved.
Granted, it had been decades, and he had only been a child at the time. Negaduck only really remembered the physical pain that accompanied loss.
There was still that familiar ache, that overwhelming sense of destitution.
But now the world around him looked different. Everything was in extremes; either too much or too little. Sounds, smells, taste, touch, light. It was either overwhelming or too meager.
And it was compounded by the time of year.
Christmas had always walked the line of campy capitalism and genuine camaraderie. It had taken a long time, but Negaduck had started to veer towards the warmth and reciprocity the season brought instead of the cold cynicism.
Looking down on St. Canard, though. He could only see it as disingenuous. All the decorations and the familiar phrases splattered across the cityscape to get people to buy more useless crap. It was all a ruse. A clever venture drummed up by some long-dead tycoon who had seen a good business opportunity.
Christmas was empty hope and shattered comfort.
As soon as the thought crossed his mind, Negaduck immediately felt guilty. Gosalyn would hate that he was thinking this way. Would sigh heavily at his pessimism. Sure, she would concede that companies used the winter season to get people to buy more product, and that there was an element of forced cheer and yes, people were better behaved for these first 25 days in December when they should behave the same for all 365 days of the year.
But Christmas brought people together. It was the time when families and friends would reunite. When people were more excited about giving gifts instead of just getting them.
It was clear as day, this vision of Gosalyn reprimanding him for being so misanthropic.
It still didn't dull the sharp pain of loss that Negaduck was gonna have to adjust to again.
"This may sound daft," said Scrooge, walking up to stand at Negaduck's side, "but the city seems different without her here."
Negaduck didn't say anything as he spun away from the big windows that lined Darkwing Tower, his cape whirling out behind him.
"I assume Darkwing will be at home since he's not here," Scrooge said, his cane clicking on the floor as he followed.
"If he isn't there, we have much bigger problems to worry about." Negaduck gave a cursory glance up to the second level, half wondering if Darkwing could be up there. His bed was on the second floor; he could be asleep.
Negaduck blinked and came to a halt, Scrooge bumping into him.
Someone was looking back at them.
Not Darkwing, though.
Goofy.
Standing on the second level of the Tower and peering down.
Goofy waved, a little less enthusiastically than normal, and loped his way over to the spiral staircase. He climbed down with surprising grace, his eyes tracing up to the second level as he walked over to join them.
"Maxie's finally asleep," Goofy said, looking down at Negaduck. It was wrong to see such a forlorn expression on the big idiot's face.
"Darkwing up there?" Negaduck asked.
Goofy shook his head. "Launchpad took him home. Had to coax him in off the edge of the tower first."
Negaduck was already running out of time.
"D'ya happen to know how to fly that thing?" Scrooge asked, his cane coming up in Negaduck's periphery as he pointed at something.
He was indicating the Thunderquack. Negaduck sent Scrooge a confused look and the older duck shrugged. "Seems the fastest way to get to the house. I know you lads are fond of your motorcycles, but I can't imagine any of them would outstrip a plane for speed."
"I will call your plane," Negaduck said, pointing to the armchairs on the other side of the Tower, "and raise you a secret passageway straight to his house."
Scrooge's eyes sparked with interest. "I must say, you lads do think of everything for this hero lifestyle."
"No, no, not me. Darkwing."
Scrooge just snorted as they made their way over to the chairs.
On their way, they were intercepted by their Posiverse counterparts who had been up in the kitchen area. They descended now and made their way over to the group.
Posiduck was wringing his hands, eyes not quite able to meet Negaduck's.
"I'm so sorry," Stellar said, sorrow etched into the harsh lines of his face. He stretched out his arms and stepped foward.
Negaduck flinched.
Scrambled backwards, his arms coming up to cover his head.
He bumped into something solid behind him, whatever it was wrapping around his shoulders to hold him up.
He heard the harsh tone of Scrooge, the (what sounded like sincere) apologies from Stellar. His heart was racing, his breathing shallow, but he forced himself to take long deep breaths.
This wasn't his father. It was another version. From everything Negaduck had seen, this Stellar meant no harm. Wasn't even abusive. Negaduck wasn't in any danger.
As more rational thoughts took over the panicked survival instinct, Negaduck lowered his arms and surveyed the scene before him. Scrooge standing between Stellar and Negaduck, cane pointed up menacingly at Stellar's beak. Stellar looking absolutely devastated and backing up slowly, hands held up in surrender. Posiduck looking between Stellar and Negaduck with realization lighting his features.
Negaduck glanced backwards and Goofy was standing there, a strong grip on Negaduck's shoulders while he studied Stellar curiously.
Seeing Negaduck calming down, Stellar locked eyes with him and said, "I'm sorry. I didn't—"
"Whatever," Negaduck said, shrugging out of Goofy's grip and stalking over to the armchairs. He'd been humiliated enough to last a lifetime.
"Do you need help?" Posiduck asked.
"Not from you," Negaduck snarled, settling into a chair as Scrooge sat in the one beside him. "And he's in charge while we're gone." Negaduck pointed at Goofy before hitting the statue to activate the chairs.
They spun, sending he and Scrooge out of the Tower and into the tunnels, straight for Avian Way. The identical armchairs on the other end spun around, depositing them safely in the living room.
It was fully decorated for Christmas. In a more traditional, Christmas card type of way than Negaduck's. The small colored lights in the tree and along the mantle were all the brighter against the inky night pressing in at the windows.
No sooner had Negaduck and Scrooge rose from the chairs than a hulking shadow lumbered into the room. The outline was familiar, though, and Negaduck didn't reach for a weapon to defend himself.
"Heya, Mr. McD," said Launchpad, his tone flat and lifeless. "Negaduck, you okay?"
"No," he said. He didn't think he'd ever be okay again. But he could succumb to the gaping hole that was tearing him asunder from the inside out once he was alone.
After he confirmed that Gosalyn's father, the one person she cared about more than anyone else, wasn't a threat to himself or society.
"Where's Darkwing?" he demanded.
"Upstairs." Launchpad sounded dejected, his eyes skimming up towards the ceiling, as if he could somehow reach out to Darkwing with the force of his gaze. "He's… he's…."
"Yeah, none of us are doing great here," snapped Negaduck, marching over towards the staircase and vaulting up to the second level.
He had half a mind to just burst into Darkwing's bedroom, kicking open the door and demanding he get up from whatever stupor he'd sunk into, but something stayed his hand — or, in this case, his foot — and he managed a quick tap-tap-tap on the door as forewarning before he shoved it open.
The room was bathed in darkness, a beam of light streaming in through a gap between the curtains. Negaduck suspected they were black out curtains with how effectively they kept the light out. They made sense given Darkwing's nocturnal schedule. Negaduck had always just suffered through sunrises like a man, but if Darkwing needed full darkness to get a good night's rest, well.
Darkwing didn't stir at the sudden light spilling in from the hallway, nor at the shadow of his arch-iest of arch nemeses cast across the room. He didn't complain. Didn't make any noise of recognition at all. Shit, that lump on the bed might not even be breathing. (Which really wasn't fair if Darkwing got to follow Gosalyn into that good night and left Negaduck to deal with the burden of living all on his own.
Some people had no manners.)
"Darkwing," Negaduck growled, walking into the room properly and keeping his eyes trained on the lump under the blankets.
"Don't call me that," croaked a voice somewhere near the pillows.
At least he wasn't dead.
Not physically, anyway. Negaduck could imagine that internally, there probably wasn't much of Darkwing left. He was confident in his assumption because there wasn't much of Negaduck left, either. So much of himself, of his self-worth and his identity, had been tied into Gosalyn and it was only now, in the wake of her absence, that he realized just how much.
"Listen," said Negaduck, peeking out between the curtains at the falling snow, "I don't need you to get up and at 'em or anything. Just give me some sort of sign that you aren't going nuclear."
Darkwing said nothing. Didn't even move. Just blinked slowly, his eyes trained on the swirling snow outside.
Negaduck walked closer to the bed and waved his hand in front of Darkwing's face."Hello?"
Darkwing didn't react.
This.
Didn't bode well.
As Negaduck tried to think of his next plan of action, a small plane-like gadget soared into the room. It was shaped like the Thunderquack, but a miniaturized version. Which Negaduck recognized immediately.
A Flashquack.
Darkwing had gifted him a Flashquack last Christmas as a means to communicate. If Negaduck ever decided to reach out.
This Flashquack soared around the room and came to a stop in front of Darkwing. After hovering beside him for a few moments without any recognition from Darkwing at all, it turned and flew over to Negaduck. He stared at it as the little cockpit sprung open, a small scroll sitting inside.
Negaduck glanced back at the unmoving pile of blankets.
Then to the Flashquack.
It hovered before him, bobbing slightly to stay airborne, but otherwise it was stationary in the air.
Sighing, Negaduck reached out and plucked the paper from the device, which beeped at him softly before its cockpit shut and it flew out of the room.
Swearing under his breath, Negaduck unrolled the paper and read the printed message.
Darkwarrior, Christine, and Ana broke out of their cells. There's another wave of robots marching towards St. Canard from a portal in a currently unknown location. Keep the robots from taking over St. Canard and take the prisoners back into custody. We will work on finding and destroying the portal.
-J. Gander Hooter
Director of S.H.U.S.H.
Negaduck crumpled the paper into a ball and threw it as far as he could across the room.
Damn Ana and Darkwarrior. Damn them straight to Hell.
The fight wasn't over.
As if they hadn't taken everything from Negaduck already, they were coming in for round two.
Talk about hitting someone while they were down.
"Let's go," Negaduck snarled, stalking over to the bed and tugging off the blankets.
Darkwing didn't move, still curled up in the fetal position, his eyes trained on the window. Hell, he looked awful. The shadowy circles under his eyes were dark enough to look like bruises, and the lines around his beak were etching into permanence with his frown very firmly in place. Without that annoying determination perking up his features, he looked downright haggard.
"There's gonna be another robot attack," Negaduck said, releasing his hold on the blankets, which fell in a heap at the foot of the bed. "They're coming through some portal. Time to hero up."
Darkwing sighed. Long and heavy. "Darkwing Duck doesn't exist anymore," he said softly.
"That's dramatic," Negaduck said around a sigh of his own. "J. Gander requested help himself. Can't say 'no' to your boss."
Darkwing continued to lie unmoving. An emotionless blob on a mattress.
Balling his hands into fists, Negaduck stomped up to the side of the bed and placed his hands on the side, leaning forward and causing the bed to dip towards him. He stared Darkwing right in the face. "Ana and Darkwarrior escaped. You really gonna let those murderers run rampant through your city?"
Darkwing still didn't move. Still kept staring past Negaduck, despite the fact that he was directly in his line of vision.
Then.
He shifted his gaze upward.
Caught Negaduck's eye.
Blinked.
And looked back towards the window.
Bastard.
Taking a breath, Negaduck focused on the task at hand rather than on his swirling emotions.
The city was under attack. Which wouldn't be such a big deal if it wasn't Gosalyn's city. Was still Darkwing's and Launchpad's and Max's city. All of whom Gosalyn had loved so fiercely.
And, yeah, okay, Negaduck liked them.
Launchpad with his easy smiles and constant invitations to eat.
Max with his relentless determination and casual jokes.
Darkwing. Gosalyn's father. Who was so like Negaduck and yet so different. Who had gone out of his way to invite Negaduck into his home, into his life, because it's what Gosalyn had wanted.
Negaduck was in awe of how easily Darkwing gave up everything he fundamentally believed in for that girl. Negaduck was still hesitant, even after all they'd been through, but Darkwing. He altered everything around him, including himself, so that she would be happy.
That unwavering devotion was something Negaduck was jealous of.
He sucked in a breath to stay the sorrow that gripped him in a vice.
After all this was over, he would go back to the Negaverse, could loose all the darkness swirling within and allow it do to what it did best.
Destroy.
He would likely be the target of this dark energy since the city held so much of Gosalyn now, but right now.
He needed to focus.
There was something he was missing here. Something that would get through to this dunce...
"Don't call me that."
"Darkwing Duck doesn't exist anymore."
Wondering if this was the final piece slotted into the puzzle, Negaduck glared at Darkwing. "What the hell do I call you if you're not Darkwing?"
Darkwing blinked. Glanced at Negaduck, something like surprise lighting those blue eyes. "Drake."
Wow.
He hated this.
"Fine. Drake." Negaduck kept his tone the same. Maintained eye contact. Some part of it was working because Drake was still focusing on him.
"What is the antidote to despair? Well, my friend, it is action.* You don't have to fight, but I'm sure as hell going into the fray. And... it would be... nice. If you were there, too. For Gosalyn."
Drake studied him, the wheels clearly turning in his head, but he remained silent.
"Waddya say?" Negaduck said.
A few more minutes of silence passed between them. A thousand different insults and rebukes and cajoles hung in the still space, Negaduck refusing to pluck any of them down. He was playing in the big leagues, here. He needed to not give into that old schoolyard taunting.
Drake didn't say anything one way or another. He just sat up.
"I'll be downstairs," Negaduck said before turning on his heel and marching out of the room. He kept the doorway open, not eager to throw Drake back into that all consuming darkness again if he could help it.
A/N: *Quote by Justin McElroy from The Adventure Zone: Dust arc.*