Chapter 17 - Fear of One's Dark Past in the Morning Light
It was morning. Louis had an uncomfortable face as he had a nightmare about his past. It wasn't enough to keep him asleep as his eyes fluttered open. "Ugh…" He laid there for a moment as his mind put itself together. He felt the usual morning ache from his injuries and began to move to get up.
Legosi was sound asleep still. During the night, he had moved a bit, and was now currently resting his head and part of his chest on Louis' chest. He had his right arm draped around him, as well.
Louis blinked. For one, Legosi was touching him full on and two, he was afraid if either of them moved his injuries would really HURT. So he just stayed there, huffing. "Damn it, Legosi...Get off..."
Legosi stirred, grumbling and smacking his lips a bit.
The deer was minorly afraid of dog breath. He made sure to keep his face away from his mouth as he waited for the wolf to wake up.
"Mmph..." Instead of moving off Louis, he instead pulled him closer to him with his arm, nuzzling his face into his chest even more. The breath from his nose tickled the fur on Louis' neck.
Louis was dying inside. This was NOT ALLOWED. "Legosi...Get off..." he repeated.
Legosi's ear twitched. His eyes peeled open slowly. He was warm. Very warm. Holding onto something warm. He looked around. This wasn't his dorm room...
Louis also took a moment to thank the fact that Legosi had not slept on his antlers. That could have been worse of a nightmare than the one he was previously having.
Legosi's eyes scanned over the environment, somehow missing the small detail of...oh...he was sleeping on Louis...His eyes met that one large eye. Legosi's eyes widened in reaction.
Louis averted his gaze. "Just...get off and we won't speak of this." Except...he wasn't actually ready...Just a bit more. Maybe Legosi would be slow getting off.
Legosi hadn't been this close to him since...that night…That moment flooded his mind once again. His small body ensnared by his. His hunger. His yearning for his flesh. He had almost died just a month ago, but he could have died by Legosi's hands…
The carnivore threw himself backwards, falling off the bed in the process and hitting his head. Thankfully, the floor was carpeted.
Louis slowly sat up. Pain. He winced and looked down at him. "Are you okay?"
"G-get away from me!" Legosi held his hand out trying to keep Louis at a distance. He was crouched down, holding his head with his other hand. His anxiety had skyrocketed in that moment.
Louis blinked. "Legosi, what's wrong?"
"I-I-I..." Legosi coughed, tears threatening to form. What was that? Did he try to eat Louis in his sleep? "I'm dangerous!"
"Legosi, calm down." He got up. "You're freaking out for no reason, which will just make it worse."
"No! I-I I was trying to eat you!" Legosi cried out. He backed away from Louis again, bumping into the nightstand.
"You were? Look, I've almost gotten eaten before and that...Didn't seem to be it."
Legosi stopped shaking, and looked up at Louis, his eyes red with tears. He looked away once he made eye contact with him. "That...that was me too...", he said, barely above a whisper.
Louis halted everything, even his thought process. It was blank for a moment. "You're the...No...I trusted you. I trusted the killer? God, what a fool." He reached for his gun which would be under the pillow until he remembered he never got another one after the incident. Everything happened so fast, he didn't even think about it.
"N-no I'm not the killer, but I was the one that pounced on you that night by the fountain! My...instincts took control of me and before I knew it I had tackled you to the ground!" He took a deep breath and continued, a bit slower now. "But, when I realized who you were, I was able to snap myself out of it and run away! But...but I think deep down part of me must still want to eat you! That's what that panda therapist in the back alley market said! He must've been right! I need to get away from you, for your own safety! I can't stand the thought of you dying, and I'd never live with myself if I ate you! So...so I...I..." He was out of breath now, his tears now flowing once more. He hugged his knees and tipped over, laying in the fetal position as he sobbed, breaking down in front of Louis. "I...I'm pathetic…"
Louis looked down at him. "Legosi. Look at me."
The wolf wiped his nose, his eyes, then looked at him. A low whimper rose from his throat.
"Do you want to eat me right now? Honestly."
"N-no."
He kneeled down. "If you wanted to eat me so badly..." He looked in his eyes. "We were alone so many times. You had so many chances. But you never did." He had a fiery look in his eyes. "Because, Legosi. You're strong." He finally told him.
Legosi sniffed, his breathing slowing down a bit. He looked up at his senpai, who he loved so much. Was he right? He trusted him..."M-maybe my instincts are just...tricking me, though. I think I want to be your friend, but then...one day out of nowhere, I just..." he swallowed, not even wanting to think about it.
"Legosi. Be real." Louis said. "You use your strength to protect me. I...Never expected that."
Legosi whimpered again. "I...I don't know what I'd do if you died..."
"You would have had to figure it out if you hadn't saved me." He smiled a bit. It was a twisted joke.
"...Louis-senpai...if I ever...were to do something like that again...please kill me...I just couldn't live with myself..." He sniffled.
Louis made that shocked face again. "..." He put a hand on Legosi's shoulder. "You won't do it again."
"...I hope." He got up slowly, wiping his wet eyes. "But...this time, I think...I just moved in my sleep."
"That's all it was." Louis grabbed that tie again. In truth, the conversation had scared him and brought up a lot of questions. The biggest one being...Could he kill Legosi? He looked at his face. That innocent and terrified face...It couldn't really hurt anyone, right...?
Legosi flinched when the deer touched his tie, yet again. "B-but I really did try to eat you that one night...doesn't that scare you?"
"I don't know. Being down in that basement again...That scares me. Being back in the black market scares me. You...You scare me because I can never predict anything you'll do. One moment you're silent the next you are trying to stop a fight and going after kidnappers. You're all over the place and it's really confusing sometimes. I could never be that random or undignified."
"I...I don't know if I can change that part about me..." Legosi mumbled. "...Senpai...what...what happened to you in the black market?"
Louis looked down, once again debating in his head whether he should tell him. "..."
Legosi looked at him with those kind, concerned eyes, still red from his previous crying.
The deer still held the tie. "When I was a calf...I was raised in the black market to be sold as livestock." He sat down and lifted his right foot up, which had a 4 branded into it. "I didn't know how to speak or do anything, but I knew that leaving my cell meant death."
"One day a large adult deer came to take my friend away, but I protected him. So he chose me instead. I fought back, but I couldn't resist. He took me into an elevator and brought me to a room full of hungry carnivores. I was confused, but I wasn't frightened. Then, he gave me a knife and told me to prove myself by cutting through them. I don't know what came over me, but the next thing I know I'm holding the knife to my own neck...Before I could do anything the male deer pulled me out and took the knife away. He told me that I was going to change the world..."
"Ever since that day, Oguma has raised me as if I were his own to become the next Beastar..." He looked away as he often did, gripping the tie a bit. "If I had offed myself back then, you wouldn't even know me. You wouldn't have had to save me. Sometimes I wonder if it would have been easier had I done it…"
Legosi's concerned gaze became blank, his brain trying to process the atomic bombshell Louis just dropped on him. "I...don't know what to say...senpai, that's..." The tears returned to Legosi's eyes. "That's awful. You didn't deserve that...nobody does..." He didn't even want to know how many animals were in the same position Louis was as a kid right now.
"That's the world we live in. Isn't it wonderful?" He had a melancholy smile on his thin face.
He wiped his eyes with his arm, and then used that same arm to hold Louis by the shoulder, ever so gently. "It's...a really, really good thing that you lived, senpai."
Louis just looked up at him. "I don't know if that's true."
"It is!" That came out louder than he wanted it to. He gripped his shoulder a bit harder. "You've inspired countless animals. You gave an aimless wolf like me a purpose! And even if you don't want to be Beastar, or anything like that, your ideas for our society are just, and good, and you can still make a big difference in the lives of many animals just by being yourself!" Legosi wasn't sure if he was making sense, but he spoke from his heart.
The deer looked to the side. "..." Why are you making me feel like this, Legosi...I hate it…
Legosi noticed his grip on Louis' shoulder, and he slowly brought his hand away and back to himself. "...That's...just how I feel..."
The herbivore just sighed.
The canine got up from his uncomfortable position on the floor and sat on the bed. He looked down at his wrinkly clothes. He had slept in his uniform. He looked over to Louis, who was getting up himself. "...Senpai?"
"Yes?"
"I-" His stomach grumbled as he blushed lightly. "I'm hungry…"
"That's what you were going to say?" Louis tilted his head, putting his hand on his own hip.
"S-sorry." The large wolf looked away bashfully
"Anything else? If we're sharing information right now might as well not skip over anything," Louis gestured his hand for Legosi to continue.
Legosi scanned his mind. That he was most definitely in love with him? Yeah, no. Not today. His own past? Ehh, it was nothing compared to Louis' upbringing. He shook his head.
Louis nodded. "I've been thinking..."
"Mhm?"
"I'd like to take you up on your offer from before."
Legosi's ear twitched. "Uh, what offer?"
"You...invited me to hang somewhere. I don't care where it, let's just go. I would like to get to know my hero better." He gave him a small smile.
"Oh!" Legosi remembered now. He had made that offer at the fountain a while ago. "Uh, wanna go grab something to eat, senpai?"
Louis nodded. "Finally, something other than what they keep bringing me." I know I shouldn't be going anywhere with him, but he's done so much for me…
"Uh, I have to get back to my dorm to shower and get some fresh clothes on, but I can pick you up right after!" Legosi stood up. He still felt uneasy around him, but Louis trusted him, right? And he trusted Louis...so...he trusted himself?
"I'll get changed," Louis said. "See you soon."
Legosi left the small building, tail wagging slightly as he walked. That was...a huge torrent of emotions he just felt in a short amount of time. He felt well rested and like he had just gotten hit by a truck at the same time. Spending time with Louis was like that.
That wolf... Louis looked at the door after Legosi had left.
...
He began to get changed.