Chapter Fourteen: Her
Amy woke up to the sound of the brisk wind tapping on her windows. The curtains were wide open, mainly because harsh sunlight was not a major problem in December in New Hampshire, streaming in the ideal light enough to rouse someone from sleep. The sun rises at a little over 7 a.m. She was used to waking up at 6, but the fairly late sunrise sometimes interfere with her peaceful sleep.
She preferred the autumn weather—not too warm, a little bit chilly, but enough sunlight and wind to function on a day-to-day basis. But now, she had to face the reality of winter. Oh, winter, it hurts to love you.
The beginning of winter had been pretty decent. It began with a gradual drop in temperature in November. A few decimal points per day and now the days are down to mid 20's with the highest in low 50's. The 50s was a rare sight and sometimes it drops to mid-10s at the dead of night. Not too cold if you're used to the extremes, but it's been a while since her last winter in the Northeast, so adjusting had been rough. Had it not been for the autumn transition, it would be tough to work in winter.
She got up from the comfort of her bed and her warm comforter to witness the scattering of white particles from the sky. New Hampshire had been snowing since Thanksgiving week, at least in Hanover it has. They even had an overnight snowstorm early in December that caused her to scoop out the snow covering the entirety of her car and shovel around, as well. Fortunately, it had been sunny most days, especially at noon, when the sun is at its peak. But still, piles of snow were on sidewalks and roads, enough to cover a layer of white mass on every surface there was.
A hot cup of coffee had been her companion since her arrival. She was grateful that the university provided her with a coffee machine. It was much needed right now since it had been sleeting since she woke up. I hope it's not hard to walk to work, she thought, devouring her buttered toast.
That day might not be what she was expecting, hoping, really. The weather might not brighten with the continuous downfall of sleet. Her usual work time might be shortened, which was fine with the university because the fall semester had ended 2 weeks ago and it's not necessary to get to work on time as long as you meet the deadlines. Though, she had a few more things left to do, and she wished to finish it before her birthday in 4 days, hence working on Saturday.
Her birthday. It was difficult to celebrate it away from home. And it seemed like she won't be coming home on the holidays either. Fortunately, she had some people to spend it with, in lieu of those people left in California. One thing's for sure, She missed Sheldon. And their friends. And the absence of a 60-degree winter with the special participation of the blinding southern sun.
She left California in poor taste. Very, very wicked.
The memory of the night of their fight was a bit hazy. She remembered being drunk. She remembered Sheldon being a jerk—for lack of a better word, that is. She remembered saying mean things, although she couldn't calibrate how mean those words were. She remembered telling him that she was moving to the opposite coast, which, without any concrete memory, she knew he didn't take well.
All she knew was everything shifted from then on.
When she woke up the next morning, with an apparent hangover, the room was empty. Luggage stood by the closet—at least his suitcase was. His side of the bed was neatly arranged, comforter folded, as though waiting for her to complete what he started. His damp robe was hung inside the bathroom. Everything in the room was neatly organized, except for all her belongings. At first, it bothered her. But seeing Sheldon's suitcase was a relief since it meant that he was still within the premises.
The chime of her phone alerted her. Leonard texted that everybody was gathered at the restaurant for breakfast and Sheldon was there. Thank God! she thought in relief. She couldn't blame him if Sheldon would go back home immediately, but it would deeply affect them if they wouldn't talk to iron things out.
She took a shower hurriedly so she wouldn't miss them. Once she arrived, she got food from the buffet before joining them in. Everyone fell silent as soon as she sat down. Was it because they knew about the fight that ensued between her and Sheldon? Was it because they were trying to keep her secret as clandestine as possible to Sheldon? She doesn't know if Sheldon blabbed about knowing it, but one way or the other, she's certain it's all about Dartmouth. The way her chair drag across the floor was excruciating. The only seat left was beside Sheldon. She really wanted to sit beside him but he seemed not happy about it. The group's discussion gained back its momentum as soon as she started eating.
Once everyone was occupied with their conversation, Amy gazed at Sheldon, trying to test the waters. He was almost done with breakfast, a few leftover fruits on the plate. Other than that, he had his head rested on his left hand, showing that he was more than bored. His eyes were a sea of obscured thoughts, staring mindlessly into his plate. She tried to touch the hand on his thigh. He didn't react at first. When he felt the warmth of her hand, Sheldon looked at her, still empty, and slowly pulled away from her hand.
That was the last interaction they had in Napa.
When they went back home in Pasadena, the distance seemed to swell, it hurts to the touch.
She only got more than a week left before she has to say goodbye to Caltech. Those weeks before her flight were hectic that she was not able to give enough time to explain to Sheldon what will happen. Deadlines, clearances, consultations, lectures, and seminars ate her up that she forgot about the days and was surprised that it to know that it was the last Friday of August. Which meant her time was done with Caltech. This meant that in 2 weeks' time, she'll have to say goodbye.
But it seemed that Sheldon doesn't care at all. He would wake up early, to the point where the moment she opens the door to her bedroom, she would hear the main door would open and shut too. She learned that Sheldon would prepare for work at a rather inconvenient time and once he hears Amy's door, he would wait next door for Leonard to take him. When they go home, he would to the same. It was unfortunate that it went on until she was finished at Caltech.
With 2 weeks left, she took 3 days of it to spend time with her parents. She told Sheldon over dinner (which was late for him because he was still avoiding Amy). He just shrugged and kept silent. Still downcasted, Amy just sighed and went on with her plans.
A lot has changed in a span of 2… 3 months—honestly, she couldn't remember anymore. Her initial thought was to stay with her parents until her departure. Maybe sneak into their apartment to pack her clothes while Sheldon is at work. Maybe leave him behind and let him move forward with his life without any interruptions from her. All the possibilities were endless.
But she couldn't act on any of them. Out of guilt, she couldn't leave without explaining. Some might say that you don't need to explain, you don't need to prove something, you don't need to coddle the man who doesn't deserve it. But she found a loophole. She doesn't need to explain but she wants to. That doesn't make her change her mind. That doesn't make her vulnerable from any persuasion Sheldon will impose. Her mind was fixed; nothing can change it. What she can change was how they will part.
When she went back home in Pasadena on Monday, she was determined. Determined to at least make Sheldon understand that they lead quite similar but mostly different lives. That it's not always the two of them, sometimes, it's just her. Only her. She wanted him to understand that.
She would rival his rebellion. He woke up early, she didn't even blink once that night, not that she can remember. She carefully opened her door, waiting for Sheldon to finish with the bathroom. When the door creaked and he emerged from taking a bath, Amy sure remembered that he clutched his chest in shock. A mere "Jesus" came from him, followed by a leer, and he was inside his room.
It was the initial stage. She would compare it to adopting a cat. How so? In this case, you already have a cat at home, and you don't know if he would like the new addition. You can't just leave them both alone and go on your way. You need to get the older cat used to the scent of the newbie—whether be it from letting them smell each other through the door or maybe taking a toy from the new cat and let it older tenant get accustomed to it. You need to be there to supervise the meeting, make sure no one gets hurt, make sure the resident cat knows that he was the first one.
There may be some hissing and yowling. Some hunching of the back and fur-raising in anger. Or there might be a staredown. See who's going to break first. Assert the dominance It's to be expected. That's why she wanted to be there.
Days took off and nothing seemed to happen. Sheldon soon realized that waking up so early was in vain since Amy's been waiting for him. Still, the first of the 2 weeks left, he wouldn't let Amy drive him to work.
When the last week entered, he somewhat caved in. That Tuesday was his first day of teaching. Ever since wooing (she couldn't think of any word) him, she would join him for breakfast, even if he doesn't like it. Amy would pack him lunch, even if what she'd get from him was him rolling his eyes and an empty food container when he gets home. Amy would get dinner for them, and for the group, even if no one tells her to. Anyway, she had a lot of time at home and it would be pointless if she spends it with holding grudges on him.
He went out of his room in his gray suit, dapper yet slimmer from 3 weeks ago. As always, she joined him for breakfast, just to keep his anxieties away. When they were finished, she insisted on fixing his tie. He defended that it was alright and he can do it, even though the struggle was showing despite him turning his back. In the end, he lost. She kept tugging on it gently, tightening and loosening. All the while, Sheldon stood there, stiff and silent.
She said gently, "Can I drive you to work?"
He didn't respond. Instead, he cleared his throat, looked away, and shook his arms to feel the fit of the suit. Amy just forgot what she said, but continued straightening his tie.
"Yes," he muttered under his breath. Her face brightened but she quickly repressed it because she doesn't want to spook the cat, so to speak. Sheldon quickly drew his back to her, retrieving something from his pocket and wiped something on his face.
Amy changed her clothes, excited as one can be. Taking a bath be damned, she's not going out of the car anyway. The ride was eerily silent. No one talked the whole ride, but for Amy, it was the start of healing.
Wednesday and Thursday went well. She still drove Sheldon. She encouraged him to do his best when he's teaching. He politely thanked her. That's a significant step. Thursday was her last day before her flight. After driving Sheldon to work, she arranged last-minute chores—car rental, lodging, familiarizing herself with Hanover and the neighboring towns. Her flight would at 7 in the morning so she wouldn't have a chance to drive Sheldon. They didn't talk about her going away, either. It seemed like a very delicate topic and Amy only had less than 24 hours to talk to him about it.
The night ended with nothing. No talks. No make-ups. She thought at least it would be better to have them fight. At least if they fight, they would eventually release all their pent-up frustrations and talk about it. Both of them laid early, in their separate bedrooms, with a shared dinner with the group beforehand. Even then, everyone knew that she would be leaving the next day, yet no one raised the topic. However, she got to spend some time with the girls and talk about their master plan for when she's away.
She woke up pretty early, too early before anybody else. She bathed and clothed herself, checked in online so she wouldn't have to worry about anything, inspected her bags. The only thing left to do was say goodbye.
She sighed heavily in front of his bedroom door, emotions were confusing. Turning the knob quietly, she pushed it open, enough to peek her head inside. She was supposed to stay just outside the door, maybe stare at him for a while. It wouldn't be 40 minutes more until he would be awake so she was expecting him to be asleep.
What welcomed her was Sheldon hunched over at the side of his bed. His feet were enclosed in his bedroom slippers. His head was down. His hair had gone all directions.
Amy saw him turn his head into her. The sliver of light made by the light from the hallway was enough to see his face. He had this peaceful expression on his face, almost helpless. Well, that's what he always looked every morning, anyways.
"Hi," she greeted.
Amidst the darkness, Sheldon nodded his head in greeting.
"I just called a cab. I'll be heading out soon."
He nodded again. Standing up, he approached her and got the robe behind the door. Amy thought Sheldon was still angry and wanted her out. Instead, he opened the door wide open. She stepped back, witnessing him enter the bathroom.
She sighed. She was expecting to talk to him. Maybe just small talks. She was not expecting to resolve everything. That was long overdue now.
Amy opened her bedroom door for the last time. The sheets were precisely tucked. Pillows had been puffed up. Her drawers and closet barely had anything on them, even her nightstand which housed a few journals and picture frames. She left behind her harp. She left behind her summer clothes. She left behind a few insignificant belongings, some of those she even questioned why she brought it in the apartment. And as much as she doesn't want to, she will be leaving behind Sheldon.
She slowly closed the door for the last time, aware that she'll dread the day she moved. When she pivoted back to the living, Sheldon was standing, waiting, by the bathroom, hair neatly combed and probably he brushed his teeth too.
It was too much to handle, she quickly went past him, leaving him standing. She ducked her head and brisked walk ahead of him.
Checking the two suitcases, she tried to lift it in one hand, she lifted the other, too, but to no avail. It seemed like she was going to drag it down the stairs, hoping the neighbors wouldn't complain about the annoying noises.
She didn't hear when Sheldon approach her, almost giving her a fright. Without a word, he drew both the handles up and hauled it out of the door. Amy just stared at him in disbelief, glued to her spot. Sheldon stood, in waiting, at the other end of the door.
"Are you going or not?"
She shook her head lightly. "I…ahh… y-yes… of course," she stuttered, scrambling for her laptop bag, her duffle bag, and her handbag. She trudged to him in a rather struggling manner.
Sheldon dropped back down the handles with the distinctive click and pointed out, "You seem to struggle with that." She wore her laptop bag across her body, hooked her handbag in her shoulders, and carried the duffle bag in her free hand, its sling dangling on the floor.
"I-It's fine. I can handle it," she replied, slightly embarrassed.
In the end, Sheldon wore her handbag as they hiked down the stairs. No one seemed to spark a conversation because both were exerting all their effort in carrying bags. It's only when they reached the lobby that Sheldon said something.
"Amy," he dropped down both the suitcases, his exhaustion seemed apparent, "Based on the amount of luggage that you have, you decided to push through with the offer."
"Yes, I did," she sheepishly replied but maintained her footing.
The dream of being an accomplished individual, in terms of academic excellence, was just the beginning. The chance to influence others with her expertise was even more fulfilling. And when she heard that very last assumption made by Sheldon, she knew she needed to push through. Sheldon was just an instrument sent to her to either help her or ruin her as she achieves her goals. Fortunately, thankfully, Sheldon decided not to foil her plans. Or else…
"Well," he sighed, "know that I'm just here in Pasadena."
A man doing his best to say those words. Amy slightly cocked her head. "I know, Sheldon," she responded in thought.
"Okay. I'm relieved to know that you do." He bobbed his head. "Can you tell me when you've arrived?"
She first hesitated but later on agreed. "Of course, I will… i-if only you'd want."
"I want it," he answered, determined.
"Okay." She gazed back at the steps that lead to her safe haven for the last month. She'd lived in Boston, in New York, in Glendale, and in Pasadena in just one year—the most so far in her career. A rollercoaster ride, indeed. She looked back at Sheldon, amazed that in the next 10 hours, she'll be in her fifth city, or rather, town, for the rest of the year. Amy walked to the glass door, seeing her ride. "My cab's already outside."
"Will you get back here?" he asked, tailing Amy with all the bags.
She responded, "I suppose I will… eventually… when my duties end there."
He heaved in relief, "Good."
Still, Amy knew that there's no guarantee, but Sheldon believing that it will end that easily broke her heart.
She watched him load her bags in the trunk one by one, reminding her to count her bags so that she wouldn't lose any.
When he finished, she said kindly said, "Umm… bye, Sheldon." She held his shoulder and, as she tiptoed, dropped a feather-like kiss on his cheek.
"Bye," he whispered back politely as Amy pulled away, making sure to keep his hands where they were.
She opened the passenger and heard an innocent, barre request from him. "Amy, can you send me some maple syrup?" Her lips curled into an involuntarily, genuine smile that made her cheeks ache. She nodded and watched as Sheldon and their apartment disappeared when the vehicle made a turn.
As she walked back to her apartment, she roamed her eyes along with the sheathed trees and hiding buildings. Snow had been plowed away from the streets every day, the one that remained were those on sidewalks, half a foot in height, leaving people, especially children, in delight.
The cold broke through her clothing. After all, she'd been wearing skirts on days she can. A thick layer of tights kept her warm while her perfectly insulated ankle boots provided heat on her feet. She wrapped herself up in a parka with 2 layers of clothing underneath and her head was protected by a snug knit cap. Overall, it was a hoot.
An older woman from the balcony, presumably a colleague from a different department, who she shared the apartment building with, waved at her as she waved back. In the welcome mat at the entrance, she jerked her boots on its surface, shaking off any remnants of the winter.
When she arrived at her unit, the search for warmth dominated. She abruptly removed her bulky clothing, leaving her with her long-sleeved shirt and tights and skirt. Her cloth-covered feet glided across the kitchen to make herself some nice, hot instant cocoa to partner with her steaming, soft pretzels. She heard the click and poured the scalding water into the mug. Even looking at it, she felt comforted already.
Came with the apartment was a decent fireplace. Not the traditional sense. It was an electric one, recessed into the wall. But it sure looked like the real deal when she first came in. It also had a thermostat to aid in the winter, mostly to keep her room warm since the heat generated by the fireplace was not enough.
Amy plopped down on the recliner, now she was down to her camisole and tights, sandwiching her legs on the leather cushion and her bottom, and drape a blanket around her shoulders. She leaned back and felt the heat radiating from all places. What a wonderful day, she can finally say that since adjusting to living in Hanover had been done.
Fake-looking but efficient and effective fireplace, check.
Plaid wool blanket, check.
Hot cocoa, check.
Soft pretzels dipped in honey mustard sauce, check.
She retreated down into the chair, savoring the food, basking in the heat, and calming in the sound of crackling wood produced by the speaker from the fireplace. Indeed, it was a treat.
But despite the peace of mind and serenity, she can't avoid thinking about Sheldon. How was he? It's been a while now. The communication has ebbed in a month, like a dying wood fire not getting enough fuel.
It started when she got a call from Penny. She and Penny talk more often than she does with Sheldon, mostly because of their unresolved issue and abrupt parting. However, they try to talk to each other and act amicably despite the shortcomings
She remembered it vividly. It was on the cusp of November, a week before Thanksgiving. She and Penny had their usual catching up, and she casually mentioned how her contract might be renewed at Dartmouth. Penny was elated to have heard it, but they both started talking about Sheldon. How well can he take this information if he didn't even take the first one very well? Amy made her promise not to tell him and hoped it would last long enough for her to tell Sheldon.
When she called Sheldon in a few days, he appeared distant. But he was distant even before. This is normal. But it wasn't. The call ended quickly and on bad terms. Amy knew then and there that Sheldon must have known. He must have known, for sure. And lo and behold, Amy was not wrong. Penny talked him down about an update about Amy. The genius in Sheldon deduced that it will be something about Dartmouth, specifically how Amy's contract might be extended. And Penny couldn't deny because he, in her own words, was very, very persuasive about the matter.
And the secret was out. But Amy tried to explain that it was just a proposal; it wasn't final yet. That's what Sheldon misunderstood that led them to this predicament.
Oh well… Amy exhaled exhaustedly, snuggling herself even further into the recliner. There's nothing she can do now, isn't there?
She was gently blowing away her hot chocolate when her phone vibrated. The glass table beneath it buzzed like crazy, her phone almost fell to the carpeted floor. She turned it over and a huge smile plastered on her face when the name flashed from the screen.
Franklin, it showed, flickering.
"Hello, Bub!" she enthusiastically answered, her smile never faded.
"Hey, Boo Bear!"
Amy snorted. "Really, Frank? You're calling me that?"
The man on the other line laughed too. "Yeah, why not?"
"Hahaha, nothing," she replied defensively. "Are we still go on the 16th?"
"The very reason for my call. Anyway, All is set, Amy. All you have to do is show up."
She rolled her eyes while chuckling. "Alright, alright. I'm sorry if last week's a fail. There was a blizzard, for Pete's sake!"
The man on the other line soothed. "I know, I know. Don't fixate. See ya! Take care, okay? Bye."
"I'll see you, too! Bye, Frank. Love you!"
Happy New Year, folks! I don't know if this is the last update of 2019 or the first of 2020. You be the judge. x