In The Flesh
A/N: Greetings! I trust everyone is doing well, starting this year off on the right foot, unlike me, who did NOT start off on the right foot with you all (*nervously glances at this story's previous update date*). It has been a long time, much longer than I would've liked, since chapter 15 came out, and I hope you all haven't forgotten about this XD.
That being said, thank you for your saint-like patience and enjoy this chapter in all its ridiculous splendour.
Chapter 16: "Making Waves"
POV Albedo
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"Thank you all for coming," I say, nodding appreciatively towards the individuals surrounding me upon the podium of the fifth floor's colosseum: the usual group, consisting of Demiurge, the twins, Cocytus, Sebas, and Flat-chest.
But then there's also...
"Of course I came in answer to your call Albeeeeeedo-SAN!" An overly-enthusiastic individual cries out in a rhapsodic voice, putting unnecessary emphasis on the last syllable: "for how could I ignore the summonings of the ravishing overseer!" He concludes, striking a lame pose. I feel my left eye begin to twitch just from watching his erratic movements.
"Bleck…" Shalltear quivers in disgust. All the other guardians regard him with similar apprehension and unease… perhaps even pity.
"Er, Albedo-san… why is he here?" Aura asks with a blanched expression, trying her best to ignore the flamboyant poser in her peripheral vision.
I sigh.
"His insight may prove invaluable this time around... Pandora's Actor?" I address the shapeshifting guardian, drawing him from his indecipherable mutterings.
"HAIIIIIII!" He shouts, slapping a hand to his forehead in a salute.
… How can this fool possibly be as intelligent as me or Demiurge? I suppose that's Ainz-sama's creation for you… but still, sometimes I can't help but wonder what the Supreme One was thinking when creating such an… eccentric individual. If it weren't for the fact that Ainz-sama is incapable of making mistakes, I would suspect something must have gone wrong during his conception. What stands before me now can't possibly be what Ainz-sama originally envisioned.
There's no way Ainz-sama could be so lame.
"Invaluable? How so?" Demiurge - the only one unfazed by Pandora's Actor's mannerisms - inquires.
…
Silence.
After succinctly relaying to the guardians everything that she shadow demon had reported, they all fall into a deep train of thought.
"So…" I begin after permitting everyone ample time to internalize what I told them: "do any of you know anything about any of the things I just mentioned?"
"Hmmmm…" Cocytus hums thoughtfully, crossing his two upper arms over his chest.
Demiurge's tail swishes restlessly behind him, but otherwise remains silent. Shalltear's face is scrunched up, her face turning red from mental overexertion, but… I'm sure she won't be of any help. Mare looks as confused as usual, and Aura simply scratches her head. Sebas is standing statue-still, eyes closed - unreadable as usual. As the one who has spent the most time alongside the Supreme Ones along with the Pleiades, it's possible he has heard terms like 'Earth' mentioned in passing.
"Sebas, do you know anything?" I inquire hopefully.
A wrinkle of concentration creases the butler's forehead, and then his eyes flutter open.
"Forgive me, Albedo-san. Nothing you said is ringing any bells," he admits apologetically.
"I see, that's a shame…"
As if the same thought had crossed all of our minds at the same time, all guardians shift their attention towards our last hope. To think, we would have to depend on him of all people after all…
Feeling the weight of our gazes, Ainz's creation lets out a cocky laugh:
"Fufufu... you know, after you finished speaking, I started to remember…" Pandora's Actor begins in an infuriatingly patronizing voice while pulling the brim of his cap down over his eyes.
All the guardians flinch in surprise. Could it be that he knows something after all?
"... What is it, Pandora's Actor?" I ask, feeling an anxious tingle of anticipation journey down my back and through my jittery wings.
All the other guardians gulp earnestly.
"Well, truthfully, it's rather troubling…" the treasury guardian continues ominously.
You could easily hear a pin drop right now, as nobody dares move or speak for fear of disturbing Pandora's Actor's train of thought.
"But I can't be the only one who has noticed…" he begins again, tucking his chin into his jugular notch.
"Does he really need to be so dramatic about it?" Aura whispers impatiently to her brother.
"That-!" P.A continues boisterously, lifting his head up and sweeping his gaze over all the guardians one by one:
"- there are just WAY too many words that don't rhyme with anything!" He declares lamentably.
…
"...huh?" Everyone gasps in bewilderment.
"What… what do you mean, Actor-san?" Demiurge asks.
Ainz-sama's creation begins to shudder violently, so much so that the very ground begins to tremble as well.
"I MEAN, Demiurge-SAN! That there are SO many words that have no strong rhymes! Like the word 'month' for instance. And 'Orange'! Ah, and purple! The more I think, the more I discover, isn't it TRAAAAAAGIC?! For there to be words destined to never pair with another for the sake of euphonic pleasuuuuuuure" He cries, bringing the back of his hand over his eyes as though he were about to faint.
…
Blink blink.
Ignoring the fact that I never want to hear the word 'pleasure' from Pandora's Actor's mouth ever again...
"What… what does that have to do with anything I just told you?" I ask incredulously.
"Ho ho ho" He laughs arrogantly, gazing around to confidently meet everyone's expectant gazes: "well, I'm glad you asked, Albedo-san… for you see..!" He trails off for the umpteenth time, but this time also throws his arms high above his head as though addressing a higher power:
"THERE IS NO CONNECTION!" He announces.
…
Everyone's jaw drops in complete dumbfoundedness. Not even Sebas' stoic mask could withstand such a powerful blow.
"Albedo-san." Cocytus suddenly asks in a deadpan tone, raising his halberd into the air.
"Yes, Cocytus," I ask in an equally inflectionless tone.
"Should… should I…" he begins while staring murderously at Pandora's actor.
"AH!" P.A shrieks, pointing frantically at Cocytus' raised blade: "'Silver'! That's another word without a strong rhyme! Ohhhhh, woeful days!" He wails despairingly, shaking his fists towards the sky - completely oblivious to his impending execution.
And for a second, the image of Pandora's Actor's severed head flying through the air gives me an almost cathartic consolation.
"No, you'd best not. He is a valuable member of Nazarick after all… and Ainz-sama's creation no less" I tell Cocytus.
"I...I. Wonder. About. That…" Cocytus trails off, letting out a frustrated whistle of cold air. Slowly, begrudgingly, and with a GREAT deal of effort, he eventually lowers his halberd to his side - though I can still see him gripping it tightly.
"Pandora's Actor-san…" Sebas whispers in a low tone, placing a hand on the shapeshifter's shoulder.
squeeze.
"What is it Sebastiaaaaaaaa-ah? Um, ah, Sebas, that-that hurts, your grip, it's ow ow OWWWWW!" he howls, contorting wildly in place.
"We are trying to have an important conversation, so if you could keep your irrelevant ponderings to yourself, that would be much-"
Squuuuuueze.
"-Appreciated"
"Ahoooooo! I-I-I understaaaaaaand!" He yelps, before Sebas finally releases him.
"Oi, do you think maybe he's gone crazy after being by himself in the treasury all the time?" Aura whispers not-so-inconspicuously to Mare.
"Ehehe… m-maybe…" the druid mutters half-heartedly.
FOOM!
Startled by the sudden shadow looming over them, both dark elves flinch in surprise.
Pandora's Actor leans down to their eye level:
"I AM NOT LONELY!" He shouts indignantly before whirling around and pirouetting several metres away:
"That's exactly what someone who was insecure about their loneliness would say..." Aura points out reproachfully.
"Aside from me-!" Pandora's Actor begins, ignoring the dark elf's comment: "I am always in the company of myself and I!" He declares poetically.
" 'Me, myself, and I', is it…" Sebas repeats in a quiet, almost depressed voice.
"I think you hit the nail right on the head with your original assessment, Aura…" Demiurge mutters, shaking his head sympathetically.
"Creepy..." Aura, ever the upfront personality, candidly vocalizes our collective judgement with a look of disgust.
"C-creepy?!" The lonely guardian recoils: "Oh, b-but there's also the statues! Yes, the statues, you see!" He prattles defensively: "they're great company, for not only are they built in exact likeness to the Supreme Ones, they're also great listeners and-!"
"Pfffft-!"
Pandora's Actor's head does a nauseating 180-degree turn (is he an owl or something?) to face the source of stifled laughter.
"Oh-!" Shalltear gasps, feigning embarrassment by daintily covering her mouth with her hand:
"Don't get the wrong idea, Pandora's Actor-san! I'm sure that the statues… are… great… company!" She concludes in a hysterical tone, just barely able to squeak out the final word before turning away with puffed-out cheeks, straining to contain her laughter.
"Surely you don't all-!" Pandora's actor begins, sweeping his desperate gaze over everyone again. But this time, nobody has the heart to meet his eyes, not even me. Aura takes a sudden interest in the sky and whistles out a generic melody, Sebas respectfully declines the invitation to make eye contact by looking to the floor and coughing into his hand. Mare anxiously looks to her feet and begins fiddling with her staff. Cocytus and I are less tactful, and simply shake our heads disapprovingly as his eyes fall on us.
And although we all have different avoidance tactics, we all have the same pitiful smile plastered onto our faces.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhh…" the shapeshifter lets out a crestfallen sigh, quite literally deflating as he collapses to the ground in silence: realizing that to say anything more would only exacerbate his situation.
Not that my opinion of him could fall much lower than it already has, though…
"Hmm..." I hum impatiently. What a waste of time. Nobody knows anything after all.
I clench a fist. Without knowing more, there's nothing we can do… to act with such little information, and absolutely no condemning proof of Lenora's intentions, would be too great a risk. There would be no justification.
"Fear not, Lady Albedo: we will all give it some more thought. Between all of us, I'm sure that - no matter how esoteric the knowledge - we'll figure something out. At the very least, there must be some information within Nazarick's library regarding 'Earth'" Sebas offers consolingly, sensing my unease.
I offer him a melancholic smile: "Yes, of course…"
Though for some reason, I doubt even Nazarick's library will-
"Hmm? Earth, you say? I know a thing or two about thaaaaat!" Pandora's Actor suddenly pipes up, ostensibly over his depression.
…
"Eh?" Six collective voices gasp out. P.A looks around at everyone in genuine confusion:
"What? Earth IS what you all want to know about, right?"
"...Oh, you've got to be kidding me!" Aura groans, shoulders slumped in exasperation/
"WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY ANYTHING EARLIER?!" Shalltear hisses.
"Eh? Well, now that is a good question… ah! It was because I got so hung up on finding a word that would rhyme with it, of course! And you'll be happy to know that I did! 'BIRTH'!" He reveals proudly.
In the corner of my eye, I see Cocytus discretely raise his halberd again while looking to me for approval: I shake my head, and after some strenuous deliberation, he quietly lowers his weapon with a regretful hiss of cold air.
Alright, these shenanigans have gone on long enough. We've wasted enough time.
"Nevermind your idiocy, Pandora's Actor. Tell us what you know about 'Earth'" I spit out harshly.
P.A tilts his head to the side, apparently miffed by what he must deem as an unwarranted insult. But quite frankly, I don't care.
"Ahem, yes, pardon me," he starts in an uncharacteristically 'normal' volume:
"I can confirm that 'Earth' is in fact Ainz-sama's homeworld," He corroborates in a refreshingly serious tone.
Finally, it almost feels like I can have a meaningful conversation with him.
"First, let me just say: my knowledge of Earth is limited at best," he warns, raising a spindly pointer finger for emphasis: "I know only that which pertains to my creation".
"Your creation?" Demiurge asks in a curious tone.
"Indeed," He assures, waving his hand slowly over his uniform: "for you see, my attire is based off of the uniforms that were worn by the soldiers of one of Earth's mightiest kingdoms: DEUTSCHLAAAAAAAND!" He shouts wildly, completely shattering the serious persona he was just beginning to cultivate:
"Ahem, I mean… 'Germany'" He corrects himself after taking a deep breath.
"... And this 'Germany', is that where Ainz-sama comes from?" I ask.
All the other guardians are listening intently, unblinkingly, completely invested in the conversation. After all, any piece of information regarding the Supreme One's past - that which allows us to feel more connected to and understand his greatness - is a cherished asset that nobody would pass up.
"Unfortunately, I cannot say for sure, but I'd say it's a strong possibility," he affirms with a resolute nod: "during the point in Earth's history from which my attire and certain mannerisms are based on, Germany was in fact Earth's strongest kingdom. The soldiers of Germany at that time were called 'Nazis', and sought WORLD DOMINAAAAATION!"
"So then, perhaps Ainz-sama was the ruler of these 'Nazis', and thus the Supreme Ruler of Germany?" Demiurge suggests.
"Of course he was! Obviously, Ainz-sama was the greatest Nazi ever!" Shalltear assures excitedly, her cheeks flushing bright red.
And even though she is in no position to so brazenly confirm something she herself is only just learning about now, nobody can disagree with her.
"As expected of Anz-sama!" Aura cheers with a wide grin, to which all the guardians nod their heads in concurrence.
I feel a smile of my own blossoming as well. Oh Ainz-saaaaama….
"It. Does. Not. Matter. Where. Or. When, Ainz-sama. Will. Always. Achieve. The. Pinnacle. Of. Greatness" Cocytus booms proudly, slamming the end of his halberd into the floor - obviously, hearing tales of his Lord's historic conquests has ignited his fighting spirit.
For a few moments, we all remain silent, simply admiring our Lord's greatness with giddy expressions.
"So what kind of place is Earth? What kinds of magic and technology existed?" Demiurge finally interrupts, drawing everyone back from their daydreaming.
"Extremely powerful magic!" P.A confirms excitedly: "There existed magic known has 'nuclear bombs', 'napalm strike', and 'ballistic missiles'! Spells capable of utterly annihilating all life for miles and miles!" He explains, opening his arms wide.
"Oooooooh!" Everyone cheers happily.
"Perhaps even more impressive," he continues: "Earth was also very advanced technologically: weapons like CZ-Delta-san's - and much more powerful variants - were commonplace, and didn't require any mana. Similarly, there were modes of transportation called 'planes' and 'tanks' that allowed people to fly, or launch explosive attacks that didn't require any mana at all," He concludes.
"A-amazing…" Demiurge stammers in bewilderment.
There are only five words that can hope to justify our awe in this situation, which leaks quietly from my parted lips:
"As expected of Ainz-sama…".
"Mhmm!" Aura beams happily.
"L-learning so much about Ainz-sama makes me feel really… w-warm" Mare admits bashfully.
"Y-yes…" I agree breathlessly - though I doubt the 'warmth' Mare feels is the same as my own, I think, as I squirm in place, rubbing my legs together in order to quell the growing heat in my loins.
-!
I fear I may have gotten a little sidetracked...
So where exactly does this leave us? Sure we've learned a lot about Ainz-sama, which I am of course elated about, but… in regards to Lenora, and her connection to Ainz - or rather 'Suzuki' - we don't know anything more.
I guess there's one thing I should try and confirm first…
"Pandora's actor, is 'Suzuki' a title of some sort used for someone of high status in Germany?" I inquire.
"I was wondering the same thing, actually…" Demiurge chimes in.
" 'Suzuki'? Hmm, I've never heard of such a thing… though as I said before, my knowledge of 'Earth' is comprised of only what was transcribed into my character - in other words, matters of war and power. I know nothing of the more specific, finer social or political nuances, " he affirms forlornly with a regretful bow.
I click my tongue in mild annoyance. Knowing exactly what 'Suzuki' means would likely reveal his relationship to Lenora. If it were in fact a title of status, then we could assume that Lenora was a Nazi as well and served under him. If Suzuki is actually Ainz-sama's past name, then it implies a more intimate history….
I silently clench my fists, blood on the verge of boiling.
"Oi, Pandora's Actor-san" Aura pipes up in a demanding tone: "why'd you keep all this to yourself for all this time?"
"Well, none of you ever asked," the shapeshifter snorts bitterly.
"No fair! How were any of us supposed to ask you about something we didn't know about! Not to mention the fact that we hardly ever see you…" the tomboy pouts.
"Well, maybe if you'd come visit me sometimes, I would've told you at some point!"
"I-I thought you said earlier that you weren't lonely…" Mare butts in, cocking his head to the side in confusion.
"I'm not!"
"Right, because after all, you have all your… statues, right-?" Shalltear begins, but her composure immediately crumbles and gives way to demeaning laughter again before she can finish.
As I watch the other guardians' lighthearted squabbling with a hint of amusement, Demiurge quietly shuffles up to my side. He says nothing at first - merely stands beside me with his hands clasped behind his back with a slight grin etched on his angular face.
"What is it, Demiurge?" I ask without turning to face him.
"Surely this meeting hasn't left you completely satisfied with things, right?"
"..."
The demon's lips curl upwards slightly further before continuing in a voice just above a whisper:
"I'm sure I don't need to ask this, but… your concern for Lenora is not contrived from some love-induced paranoia, is it?"
-!
"Demiurge-!" I hiss angrily.
"Rest assured, I know that isn't the case," he quickly adds in a neutral tone - neither reassuring nor sarcastic: "you'll be happy to know that I share your concerns".
I arch an eyebrow skeptically and fight off the urge to roll my eyes.
"And I suppose you have a plan of some sort to determine Lenora's true agenda?"
"Of course: and it's laughably simple, really. Though give yourself some credit, Albedo-san. I would not have thought of this plan so quickly were it not for you" he muses cryptically.
"Me..?" I begin, but shut my mouth before continuing: no need to humour the seventh-floor guardian's ego:
"When can it be put it into action and what do you need me to do?" I ask straightforwardly.
"Hmm? Oh no, neither you nor I need to do anything. And as to when it can be accomplished…" he trails off momentarily, pushing his glasses up against his forehead:
"...Why not right now?"
POV Ainz
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"Come on Suzuki, the water is heavenly!" Jade calls out to me from within the mixed-gender bath area.
I, still within the changing and washing area, call back to her in a panic:
"C-coming!"
I stare down at my bare body, feeling terribly uncomfortable and self-conscious. How did I allow things to end up like this..?
Deep breath, calm down Suzuki. She just thinks this is my avatar after all - if I just act natural, once I'm submerged, my nakedness will be a non-issue.
I peer around the corner of the change room's exit - to see Jade happily floating on her back with an expression of absolute bliss.
Okay, next time she turns away or goes underwater, I'll make my move and-
Now!
Just as she dips her head underwater, I speed-walk, very stiffly, towards the bath. If I were to go any faster, I would trigger Lucifer's golem.
My heart skips a beat as I see Jade's head begin to bob back up.
Just a few more steps, please let me make it-!
"Pah!" The angel exhales contentedly as she surfaces with a wide grin.
Splish!
Just as she brushes the vermillion strands of hair out of her face and wipes at her eyes, I manage to get my lower half underwater. Her purple gaze fixes on me with a mix of surprise and delight at my sudden appearance.
"Jeez, you finally made it! what took you so long?" She asks, wading nonchalantly towards me.
"Er… it just took a while to remove all my equipment, you see…" I lie.
Jade arches an eyebrow skeptically and flashes a humorous grin, but shrugs her shoulders a moment later.
"I see, I see… but seriously, this bathhouse is absolutely grand! I've never seen anything like it before!" She beams: "but was all of this really necessary for a virtual world? Did you and your guildmates bathe together often?" She inquires with an ever-so-slightly judgmental tone.
"Ah, no, we rarely ever bathed together. The few times we did, it was never more than a handful of us at a time. But, well, I guess our Japanese blood just couldn't allow us to construct such a grandiose guild without an equally opulent bathhouse" I offer thoughtfully, leaning my head back against the wall of the tub.
"Ah, so you're Japanese after all, I thought so!" Jane cries triumphantly, slapping the water in front of her with a fist in an a-ha! Motion.
"Hmm? Of course I'm Japanese, what else could you have thought I was?"
"Ehehe… well, I feel bad, but I was rather torn on whether you were Japanese, Korean, or Chinese…" she admits, scratching the back of her head apologetically.
I feel my right eye twitch indignantly.
"You actually couldn' tell..?" I ask in astonishment. Seriously, I might've been able to forgive her mistaking me for a Korean, but a Chinese?! Not even close!
Jade giggles embarrassedly.
"Sorry, I can't help it if I'm just an uncultured Brittish girl!" She exclaims sincerely after noticing my sour expression.
"Ah, so then you're British, are you? That explains everything," I offer coyly, trying to keep my mouth from furling into a grin.
"Aha! See! So you didn't know what nationality I was either! Let me guess, you just thought I was 'European' and left it at that, right!?" She shouts accusingly, leaning forward to jam a finger into my chest.
…
"W-well, I mean technically I'm right, you are European, so…" I stammer defensively, feeling unjustly called out.
"Eeeeeegh!" Jade wails, mimicking the sound of a buzzer while crossing her arms in an X: "Hypocrite! That's not nearly precise enough! If that's what you think, then I was at LEAST as right as you were, because I knew you were Asian!" She declares smugly, crossing her arms over her modest chest while glaring down at me triumphantly.
"That's-!" I begin, but my voice catches as I struggle to think of a counterargument.
...
We stare intently at each other for a few silent moments, until -
"Pffft-!"
"Ahahaha!" We both erupt with laughter at the same time.
"Oh Suzuki, I'm so happy I met you! I was just about at my wit's end in the Baharuth Empire!" She gushes, flopping onto her back, shamelessly exposing the front of her body above the water's service. I feel my cheeks flare up and look away.
"M-me too…" I trail off, concentrating on keeping my gaze from straying.
They're definitely bigger than Shalltear's, but quite a bit smaller than Albedo's or Lupusregina's… so I guess they're about B cups? In a world where it seems every girl is either ridiculously well-endowed or as flat as an ironing board, they're kinda refreshingly attractive...
What a gross train of thought! I'm as bad as Peroroncino-san!
"Hmm? You're awfully red in the face Ainz, is the heat already getting to you?" Jade asks with genuine concern, lifting her head up to look at me through her cleavage
"E-er… perhaps that is the case, yes".
How can she be so oblivious?! Has she no shame?! Even if she considers her current body as simply an avatar, I think this goes beyond the scopes of decency afforded by that rationale!
"Hohhh? And here I was thinking the Japanese, known for their baths, would have a higher tolerance for this kind of thing!" She points out in an unnecessarily gloating tone - but then suddenly, (thankfully, as her body becomes submerged from the neck down), she bolts upright and regards me worriedly:
"Wait, you're not getting out yet, are you?! We've barely started talking!" She cries frantically, suddenly reaching out and grabbing my hand under the churning water.
…
Or at least I'm sure that's what she meant to grab.
My jaw drops for an instant before I clamp it shut, biting my lower lip to stop myself from gasping in surprise.
Jane's face turns blank for a moment, and she blinks in confusion, undoubtedly baffled by my 'hand''s perplexingly cylindrical shape and lack of fingers.
At her mercy, I can't bring myself to even utter a word, much less move.
"Um, Jade..." I manage to sputter out.
Only then, finally, does reality seem to sink in for her, causing her to slowly look up at me, her face reddening more and more by the second. Locked in the most awkwardly intense staring competition, I feel her slowly, in a very deliberate motion, release my 'hand'.
"I d-d-d-didn't mean! I-I-I j-just-!" She stammers incoherently, her face a deeper red than her hair now.
"W-were you looking for t-this?" I joke quietly, determined to not let things get unsalvagably awkward, while raising my right hand out of the water and waving it towards her.
Jade slinks away from me for several metres and, not knowing what to do or what to say, shrinks down into the foamy water right up to her violet eyes. Only then does she furtively glance my way before nodding slowly, clenching her eyes shut in embarrassment.
After an agonizingly long bout of silence, Jade reluctantly lifts her head up out of the water.
"S-sorry…"
"I-it's fine…"
More silence.
"Um, Suzuki…" she ventures cautiously.
"What is it..?"
"Could we, maybe, just forget about what just happened..?" She pleads, retreating deeper into the water as soon as the last word had left her mouth.
Hearing her words, the thought of eliminating her memory with a spell crosses my mind - but I immediately discount it. Though it would easily dispel our current awkwardness, I don't feel comfortable manipulating another player like that, even if she consented. From player to player, I'd rather resolve any issues more organically. After all, back on Earth, that's what would need to be done.
So instead, I offer a pleasant smile.
"Forget about what, exactly?" I ask rhetorically, feigning confusion.
"OhblubThankblubGod", I hear her mutter quietly from a half-submerged mouth.
Sploosh!
I recoil in surprise as warm water sprays across my face as Jade practically bursts from the water's surface, now standing with a wide grin on her face.
"Wonderful! So then-!" She chatters excitedly, placing her hands firmly on her hips with no regard to the bareness of her chest.
How can someone be so shameless with regards to their own body, yet at the same time become extremely bashful on behalf of someone else's?! I have half a mind to call her out on her inconsistency, but decide against it considering we had just agreed to move on from the subject.
"- Ah, I know! So, Suzuki, how old are you?"
Has it been long enough for my birthday to have come and gone since coming here? Ah, I'll just assume it hasn't.
"I'm 29. How about you?"
Silence.
"Jade?"
More silence.
"It's not a trick question… or is this perhaps a matter of how you should never ask a woman her age? If that's the case, then-"
"Sixteen…" she quietly whispers with a blank expression.
"Eh?"
Did I… hear that correctly. Sixteen… as in… 1, 6… as in 10+6? As in -
Under 18?!
My jaw drops, like a floodgate lowering to allow scalding water to crash into the back of my throat. I gag unceremoniously.
"Y-you're… younger than I thought you'd be" I say lamely, wiping away the mixture of water and spit from my lips. My 'hand' throbs guiltily as this adds a whole new flavour of awkwardness and inappropriateness to what just transpired.
"W-well you're older than I thought you'd be!" She retorts childishly with an expression reflecting a peculiar mix of guilt and anger - perhaps the shame she feels for having flaunted her body so openly to a man nearly twice her age. I could almost be her uncle for God's sake...
I quietly analyze her complexion, now keeping her age in mind, and notice for the first time not the features of a woman: but those of a girl. What I originally mistook for refined prettiness and feminine allure, I now see, in those violet eyes and those petulantly puffed out cheeks, a distinct youthfulness: one that is always, inevitably, lost during the full transition into womanhood. Looking at her now, my heart is filled with the same warmth that manifests when I look at Aura or Mare.
Just then, she notices my staring and whips her head towards me with a skeptical scowl.
"W-what?" She asks in a snappy, flustered tone - high in pitch, worried and annoyed, like how I would imagine a typical self-conscious teenager - and let's face it, they all are - would react to catching one of their parents gazing at them fondly, simply admiring their own creation.
"Oh nothing," I reply with an ambiguous smile, in a parent-like fashion.
"W-well then quit staring… jeez… you weird old guy..." she replies appropriately.
After enjoying the tender quietness for a while longer, I decide to move on as something dawns on me:
"Wait a minute. If you're only 16 now, and you have such a high-level character, just when did you start playing?" I ask curiously.
Yggdrasil is, of course, an M rated game. Technically, she shouldn't even be playing it now - not that I'm so naive as to believe that anyone actually abides by the ratings, but still. With what she's got, she must've been playing since close to launch day, which means she would've been about -
"Hmmm, I think I was six the first time I played?" She says nonchalantly, before frowning when she notices my expression: "what?"
"That's… a little young, don't you think?"
"... yeah, I guess so…" she replies in a strangely solemn tone, smiling bittersweetly at her own reflection in the water's surface. I get the feeling there's a story to be told there, but she obviously doesn't want to discuss it right now. After many bumps and hitches, the atmosphere between us has finally stabilized. I'd hate to ruin it… so I guess I'll have to let it go for now.
"So on Earth, I suppose you were still in high school?" I reason, changing the topic.
"No. University, actually," she replies, raising her chin up proudly without a single trace of the sadness she had just donned.
"... Now I'm no mathematician, but that doesn't quite add up".
"Hoh hoh hoh… well, if you must know, I'm actually-" she pauses, bringing two dripping fingers in the shape of a crooked V over her right eye as if she were some idol of sorts: "-an exceptionally, intellectually gifted individual!"
exceptionally humble as well, apparently...
"I-is that so?" Is all I dare to say, unsure as to whether or not she is joking or completely serious.
"Hey! What's with the doubtful tone, huh?! You don't believe me? I'll have you know I have an IQ of 154!" She pouts irately.
"R-really?" I stammer in an unconvinced tone.
This girl? With an IQ comparable to Einstein's?
…
No way. Absolutely impossible. If anything, I had thought her to perhaps be a bit on the lower side of that spectrum…
I notice her eyeing me intently, perhaps awaiting my final judgement.
"I… find that hard to believe," I admit.
"Urk-! Why does nobody ever believe me in the beginning?! I was studying aeronautics at Cambridge! You know, not every genius is a socially awkward introvert with the emotional IQ of a rock!"
I think I've actually heard of Cambridge before... and aeronautics, that has to do with rocket ships and whatnot right?
"I-I suppose that's true…" I concede halfheartedly - but the more I look at her, and hear her speak, the less believable it seems.
"Oi, Oi, Suzukiiiiiiiii!" She whines, wading closer to me: "if you have an IQ test or something lying around, I'd be happy to do it right now in front of you to prove it!"
"Oh well in that case, let me just reach into my pocket dimension and grab one".
"Y-you actually have one?!" She exclaims, her eyes brimming with fiery conviction.
"Of course: who doesn't have an IQ test on them at all times? You never know when an emergency situation might call for one," I explain while reaching into my inventory to withdraw a piece of paper. I offer it to Jade, and she snatches it greedily from my hand before wading over to the side of the bath. For a second, I watch her with amused confusion - is she merely playing along? There's no way such blatant sarcasm was lost on her... right?
Finally, she flips the page over.
"Alright, I'll prove you wrong ri- huh?"
"What's wrong?" I ask innocently.
"Is... is this really it?" She asks with ostensibly genuine confusion, flipping the page over and over as if hoping to find a hidden third side.
"What do you mean? Everything is right there: go on now Mrs. 154" I joke.
"But all it says is 'Gullible' in big bold letters, what am I-"
She whirls around to face me.
"Oh..." She squeaks quietly, burning bright red upon noticing my smirk.
"Do you still claim to have as high an IQ as you said?" I throw out dubiously.
"N-not funny! And yes I do: I'll prove it somehow! More importantly: why in the world did you even have a sheet of paper with nothing on it except the word 'gullible'?!" She shrieks in frustration, crumpling the piece of paper and throwing it away.
"Oh I don't know, maybe because the author had a lame joke in mind but was too lazy to think of a clever way to make it work?"
Blink blink.
"H-huh?"
"Nevermind. Anyway, I don't know why you just threw that paper away: you were supposed to find the next letter that would logically follow the sequence G-U-L-L-I-B-L-E _?" I pose in an exaggeratedly snobby tone
"NOT FUNNY!" She cries, and with a quick push, splashes a large wave of water towards me.
Drip, drip.
"Hoh? If you think you can get away with splashing the great Ainz Ooal Gown, you're sorely mistaken!" I hiss in a deep voice, pointing a finger towards her. A moment later a miniature blue glyph appears at my fingertip. Jade's eyes widen frightfully.
"W-wait, now hold on a second Suzu-!"
"[Water Bullet]!" I shout out, casting the second-tier spell.
SPLAT!
A round pellet of dense water strikes her square in the forehead, causing her to stagger back while clutching at her head.
"Ow! You bloody bastard, that's dirty!" She howls.
"There's no such thing as 'fair' or 'dirty' in a battle to the death".
"A battle to the death, is it? Well, I don't remember agreeing to such a thing, but if you think the Heavenly Sovereign of Light, Lenora, will back down from a mere Overlord's challenge, then feel my wrath!" She cries with a devious grin, lowering a hand to just above the water's surface. A radiant white glyph fills her palm.
My eyes widen. From the looks of that glyph, it's at least a sixth tier spell! Don't tell me it's-!
"[Repulsion]!" She chants, and the light of her magic engulfs the bathhouse:
KRAKOOM!
An invisible force - typically used either to repel a swarm of enemies to create a buffer space, or repel projectile attacks - sends a veritable tidal wave my direction.
"[Siren's Barrier]!" I cry out, conjuring forth a teal bubble to surround me. The barrier, specializing in providing defence against water or fire attacks, doesn't even flicker as hundreds of pounds of water slam into it with the force of a sixth tier spell.
"And what do you suppose I do in this situation when you have full immunity to water?! No barriers, you big chicken!" Jade insists.
"Ahaha! Winners don't need to abide by the rules of the losers!" I cackle evilly from within my barrier, raising my hand to launch another counterattack:
"[Poseidon's wr-]!" I begin to cast, only to be interrupted by a strange noise.
Vrrrrrrrrrr!
"Violations detected. To not know the proper etiquette means you have no right to enter the bath. Prepare to be exterminated," A deep, male voice echos out, as Lucifer's bath golem whirs to life, locking its glowing eyes on us while descending from its pedestal.
"W-what the hell is that Suzuki?!" Jade stammers, retreating to my side.
I slap my forehead. I can't believe I had forgotten. How inexcusably careless of me...
"It's the lion golem I told you about earlier," I mutter in an exasperated voice.
"W-what do we do?"
"Targets Acquired. Initiating 'Extermination of Uncultured Swine' Sequence"
"U-uncultured swine?!" Jade exclaims angrily, even going so far as taking a confrontational step towards the golem with a fiery glint in her eyes.
"Suzuki, how strong is that thing!" She demands. It seems she won't be willing to back down...
"It's not that strong, really. It's more of a joke created by one of my friends. Though its power cannot be completely discounted when we don't have proper equipment. It's level 80, and as a golem, it boasts defensive parameters, particularly magic resistance, higher than even most level 90 creatures" I describe.
"So magic won't work well then? Cool, then I'll finish it in one blow!"
"Eh? Without a weapon?"
"You support me and I'll smash it with my fists! You know buffing spells, don't you?"
'do you know buffing spells?'. That has got to be the most insulting thing I, as the wild card Ainz Ooal Gown, have ever heard.
"Of course I do!"
The golem takes a step forward and the ground trembles under its weight. A foreboding light begins to gather in its eyes, as it charges up its eighth-tier [laser cannon].
"Well go on then! Do your thing!" Jane encourages me with a grin while assuming a combative stance.
With nothing else to do, I click my tongue and raise a hand towards Jane.
"[Triple Maximize Magic: [Fleet Footwork]. [Maximize Strength]. [Bludegoning Boost]. [Unstoppable Force]. [Immovable]. [Body of Effulgent Beryl]. [Saving Grace]. [Negate Magic Damage: Once]. [Mantle of Protection]. [Greater Luck]..." I chant in a fluid, practiced rhythm. The words had left my mouth instinctively, naturally, without so much as a single conscious thought, tickling a nostalgic itch within the deeeper recesses of my mind. Jade watches me, as I cycle through a dozen spells in a matter of seconds, with glyphs disappearing in my palm as quickly as they appeared to make room for the next, imbuing her with a myriad of colourful auras.
She looks down at her hands and flexes her fingers in amazement.
"That was... impressive" She mutters in disbelief.
"Charge Sequence Complete. Firing" The lion-shaped golem announces.
"Go!" I shout, and Jade nods before surging forward. I'm sure she would've been fast even without my buffs thanks to her natural stats, but now, she can barely be tracked by the naked eye.
TCHUUUUUU!
Two beams of light shoot discharge from the golem at frightening speed, screaming through the crackling air.
Kra-koom!
The [laser cannon] slams into Jade, and a giant cloud of black smoke and bursting embers erupt from the point of contact. But a moment later, Jade emerges from the smog, completely unfazed. [Negate Magic Damage: Once] had triggered to block any damage, while [Unstoppable Force] negated the knockback force and allowed her to maintain her momentum.
Badump Badump Badump!
My heart roars powerfully in my chest. This feeling, this rush! Of fighting alongside another player, this is exactly what I've missed for so long!
"Haaaaaaaaaah!" Jade bellows, winding her fist back and leaping into the air towards the golem's face.
Fwooooom!
The golem swings its mighty paw with a speed betraying its size in an attempt to swat the incoming attacker away.
Not good enough, I think to myself with a smile.
[Body of Effulgent Berryl] Activates just as the hunk of metal crashes into Jade's blindside, nullifying the damage. And this time, [Immovable] Negates the knockback.
BOOOOOOOM!
Jade's haymaker slams into the side of the golem's face with devastating force, caving its entire face in and sending a wave of steel shrapnel in all directions. While the head was completely obliterated, the metal torso soars through the air, crashing into the wall of the bathhouse over a hundred metres away, before crumpling to ground as a useless, smoking heap of unrecognizable scrap metal.
"E-rror. E-rror. Critical System Failuuu-uuuuu-ure..." I distorted voice rings out from some part of the golem's corpse before dying off
Jade lands gracefully to the ground and whirls around, beaming happily.
"Woohoo! We won!" She declares unnecessarily.
I smile back. Though at the same time...
I glance towards the smoking pile of metallic debirs.
I can't help but feel this was a pyrrhic victory...
POV Lupusregina.
Not knowing what to do after Ainz-sama had left, I had set out to thoroughly clean the entire 9th floor - taking extra care with Ainz-sama's room, which had been much dirtier than usual because of the… incident earlier.
I blush profusely, recalling what I had walked in on this morning. Ainz-sama standing next to his bed, with nothing on…
My heart skips a beat. A-ah, what am I thinking all of a sudden?!
"There! All done!" I exclaim partly in self-satisfaction, and partly in order to forcibly cut my own train of thought.
I take a step back, admiring the fruits of my labour - Ainz-sama's throne, which I just finished polishing. I won't allow even a single speck of dust to sully its lustre!
Still, it looks quite empty without the Supreme One… truly, it is its connection to Ainz-sama and his inspiring radiance that gives this throne its beauty. While reflecting on my Lord, my ears suddenly perk up, detecting the sound of footsteps approaching the throne-room entrance. I lift my nose to the air and draw in quick, measured sniffs.
Two people… one is unfamiliar, but the other is... Ainz-sama!
My heart begins to race wildly. I do a quick look-over of my self and run my hands down the sides of my uniform to smooth it out. I hope I look ok… ah they're almost here!
With nimble agility, I cross the length of the throne room in a mere second and heave the door open.
"Welcome, Ainz-sama!" I exclaim cheerfully, lowering my head dutifully.
"Ahaha-!"
"Ehehe-!"
My reception cuts into a duet of laughter. Ainz-sama's rich, deep tone makes my heart swell… the other…
My eyes widen in surprise before squinting discerningly.
"This must be..?" I trail off hesitantly
"Ah, yes. Lupusregina, this is Ja- I mean, Lenora. Why do you look so surprised? Did you not hear about her?" The Supreme one inquires concernfully.
"Y-yes, I received Albedo-san's alert, but…" I trail off, unable to tear my eyes away from this pretty, smiling face.
"Lupusregina… it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance" the angel begins warmly with a nod, extending a gauntlet out towards me.
For some reason, her voice irks me to an irrational extent. By all accounts, it's a fruity, soothing tone with no fault.
"Likewise!" I reply cheerfully, forcing a playful grin on my face before locking hands with her.
-!
A chill runs down my spine, and I fight off the urge to retract my hand.
Bleck… silver armor, huh?
"Is something wrong..?" The paladin asks - the concern in her voice enough to make my skin crawl.
"Ah, it must be because Lupusregina's of the werewolf race, so your silver armor is a rather unpleasant thing for her, even just to touch… forgive me Lupusregina, I had not considered that" Ainz-sama explains with a regretful not.
"N-no it's no big deal at all, I hardly noticed!"
"In any case, I'm sorry as well. I hope this won't leave you with a bad first impression of me…" Lenora says.
"N-no, not at all! You're a full-fledged resident of Nazarick now: if Ainz-sama trusts you, then you must be a good person!" I reason with a dismissive wave of my hands - though even as I say that, I take extra time to thoroughly ingrain her scent in my head, categorizing it as 'suspicious/dangerous'. Her scent is rather indistinct though… but then again, so is Ainz-sama's actually. That would explain why it took me a second to recognize it...
I squint my eyes again. Both of them have damp hair, a healthy sheen to their skin, and flushed expressions. Don't tell me… they were just at the bath?!
But surely not together… right? It must be just a coincidence, right?
Inexplicably, this realization sends an uneasy discomfort through my chest, and I can't stop myself from looking between the two of them.
"Er, is something the matter, Lupusregina?" Ainz-sama asks.
"Huh?" I gasp, blinking myself back to reality - only just realizing that I've been standing smack-dab in the middle of the half-opened doorway, effectively preventing them from entering. I feel my face begin to heat up.
"F-forgive me, Ainz-sama!" I explain, pushing the doors further apart and stepping to the side before dropping to my knee shamefully. I'm such an idiot!
"It's quite alright, don't worry about it," he assures while stepping past me. Lenora quickly follows suit - and, much to my astonishment, she matches his stride and walks next to him, side-by-side.
Who does she think she is, strutting beside him as if they were equals?!
Just as I rise to my feet and open my mouth to say something admonishing to put her in her place-
"This is..?" The Supreme One suddenly hums thoughtfully, stopping suddenly in front of his throne.
I gulp. What's wrong? Did… did I perhaps miss a spot?!
"Forgive me, Ainz-sama!" I cry out preemptively, dropping to one knee again.
"Hmm? Forgive you? For what?" He asks curiously.
"Did you not just stop because you noticed something wrong with your throne..?" I guess, hating the fact that my voice had grown quieter with each word.
"Ah, no, that's not it at all. Quite the opposite, in fact -" he pauses, running a hand slowly over one of the armrests: "I was simply admiring how clean it looks. It was your doing, correct?" He explains.
My eyes widen.
"You... actually noticed, Ainz-sama?"
"Hmm? Of course I did. I take note of all the hard work any of my subordinates do. Thank you for your continued efforts. Continue to work hard for me," he says with a gracious nod, causing my heart to flutter joyfully. A smile, more genuine than 99% of those that shape my lips, blossoms on my face.
He actually notices such minute detail? Truly, Ainz-sama is the most benevolent, caring, and considerate Ruler the world has ever known.
"I will, Ainz-sama!" I exclaim in a tremulous voice, quaking ecstatically.
"Umu. Anyway, it's getting late and I… we've had an eventful day. Lenora and I will be retiring for the evening. You may return to your quarters, Lupusregina," Ainz-sama says before beginning to walk towards his quarters, Lenora trailing close behind him.
"A-ah, of course, Ainz-sama…" I mumble quietly, unsure of what to say as I helplessly watch him slip away.
"Hah, I'm pooped!" I hear Lenora explain, in a perplexingly less dignified voice than when she had just spoken to me.
"Well, whose fault is that? I suggested we should retreat: you were the one who obstinately demanded we battle the golem…" Ainz-retorts.
"After it called us 'uncultured swine'? I think not! And boy it felt good to cave that thing's face in! Good buffing!"
"Yes, well, what you lack in brains you certainly make up for in brawn" Ainz-sama points out bitingly.
By now, their forms have retreated beyond the bend in the hall and out of sight - were it not for my keen sense of hearing, I wouldn't be able to hear them right now.
"Urk-! L-like I said, I'll prove myself to you one day!" I hear Lenora cry indignantly.
"Uh huh. Well, for now, Mrs. 154, how about you focus on finding a way to repay me for the 5,000,000 gold it took to fully repair Lucifer's golem…"
Finally, they're strayed too far for even me to hear them anymore.
My ears droop against the top of my head dejectedly. Though I can't say I understand what they were talking about, it sounds like they had a fun day together. And they speak so closely, so casually with one another! How can that be?
Once again, anger surges through me. How can she interact so casually with the Supreme One?!
Wait-
I scuttle over to the bend in the hall and peek around the corner - to reassure myself and take solace in the fact that they both at least entered separate rooms.
I let out a sigh of relief and meander back to the centre of the throne room, taking one last wistful look at Ainz-sama's throne - my work which he had personally acknowledged - before heading towards the room's exit.
Just as I reach for the door handle, however…
My nostrils flare in surprise. what's this..? This presence is.?!
I yank the door open in a fluster:
"A-ainz-sama?!"
A/N God I really don't like including Pandora's Actor... just writing his name bothers me, as I find it reads so awkwardly. The akwardness becomes especially apparent to me when writing 'Pandora's Actor's ...' to demonstrate possession or whatnot... truly it's just a personal pet peeve of mine lol. Anyway, hope you enjoyed the chapter. Next chapter: Jade's exploitable weakness revealed?! A strange light-night visit between Ainz(?) and Jade, and likely a couple of perspectives we haven't revisited in a while (Zesshi? Fluder? Neia? I haven't decided yet) so look forward to it! Thanks for reading