Chapter 17: Working on it

The shivers had finally calmed down. I was grateful that I didn't feel the need to claw off my skin anymore. So, I guess that was a plus. Shippo kept saying that I was making 'progress'. I don't know what kind of progress he'd meant, because I still felt the same. Nothing. My body was aching for a fix, and I'd do whatever it took to get my hands on something, anything. I was staring out the window, just watching the trees go by. We were in the middle of nowhere. I saw nothing but trees, flatlands, and more trees. No, where to run. Miles away from anyone and miles away from the drugs that so desperately yearned for. I heard the door open behind me. I'd been so out of it, that I hadn't realized we'd stopped.

"You know, you're giving me serial killer vibes right now. Bringing me all the way out to the middle of nowhere like this." I told him.

"You're full of jokes, aren't you?"

"Well, yes, but this is the part where the old creepy guy kills the innocent young girl," I told him.

"Yes maybe, if there was an innocent girl around." He said smiling.

"Haha," I said sarcastically.

"Besides this is all for your own good."

I laughed, and it was a bitter one. "My own good. Sure, couldn't you get your license revoked for doing all of this?"

"Would you turn me in Higurashi?"

I bit my lip. "No, I wouldn't, but you already knew that."

"These sessions won't have much effect if you aren't actually looking at me. You need to interact with me. Like you actually want to be here." He said.

I scoffed. "I don't want to be here."

I heard shuffling noises behind me. He was now kneeling in front of me. Staring at me with those piercing eyes again.

I sighed. "So, what are we going to do today doc?"

"Today we talk."

"Right here? Outside in the dirt!?

"Yes." He said. "Fresh air is good for you."

"About what exactly?"

"Anything you want." He said.

I toyed with the hem on my shirt. "Okay. Well, we can talk about how you left me to die three days ago."

"Withdrawal." He corrected. "Maybe we could talk about how you're really feeling."

"What happened to me being able to talk about whatever I wanted?"

"I wanted to give you a chance, to be honest, and you didn't. Now we're doing it my way. Straight to the point."

I sighed and kneeled too.

"What do you see when you look in the mirror?" He asked.

"Why do you get to ask all of the questions?" I asked, disregarding what he'd asked.

He smiled. "That's my job."

"Do you take your job this seriously with all your patients? Or is it just me?"

"That is a good question."

I pressed my lips into a thin line. "Thanks. Now would you mind answering it?"

"I have never had to try this hard with any patient of mine. You need me more than anyone else I have come across."

"So, you just feel sorry for me? Is that it?"

"I want to help you get better because I know you want to be better Kagome. I know that you don't want to sit there and harm yourself the way that you do. No one does. All you want is to be happy; to be normal, and I can do that for you. Help you get to where you need to be."

I bit my lip. "Then after I am so-called better, then what?"

"Then, you live your life the right way. The way you were meant to."

I swallowed the lump in my throat; standing up. "I think that is enough for today Shippo."

He stood, blocking my path. "Not yet. You are angry with me. What is causing that anger?"

I pushed him away. "Just stop okay! I need a break."

"A break from what? From me? What are you trying to get away from?"

I turned, looking him straight in the eyes. "Yes!"

He kept his eyes locked on mine. "Yes, what Kagome?"

"I need a break from you, everyone else, me and my stupid life!"

He didn't back down. "Why?"

"What do you want? For me to be your friend? To get better?" I scoffed. "Just stop pretending you care already. You're just going to leave anyway."

He set his hand on my shoulder; I slapped it away.

"Don't!"

"You're afraid of being alone, but you do not need to be Kagome."

"Yes, I do! I have always been alone! because I am different from the rest of them. Now I've made it worse. Now, I'm just some junkie who had a great family. The one bad seed, who broke up the perfect little family. A junkie who had to use whatever she could get her hands on, just to make herself feel better! I'll just be treated worse than I was before. So even If I do get better, and that is a very big fucking if. I will never be one of them. I will always be a freak. to them. So please tell me what's the point in even trying."

I just stared at him, my chest heaving up and down. I could feel my tears running down my face. I quickly wiped them away, turning my back to him. No matter how many times I wiped my stupid tears away, they just kept coming. I felt a hand on my shoulder… I didn't push it away this time. I wanted the comfort; I needed it. His arms wrapped themselves around me. I could feel him resting his chin atop my head.

"I think that is enough for today. I'm sorry for pushing you so far, but it's what you needed." He whispered

I couldn't even respond to him if I wanted to. Every time I opened my mouth to speak, another uncontrollable sob would slip out. God, how much more of this getting better thing was I going to have to take?