It was almost too easy to forget that this whole arrangement was on borrowed time.

Being with Marcus' family was a high settled by a comforting, almost sedative lull. The start of the weekday meant I was mostly left to my own devices. I was afraid that this long of a stay involved conditions; and I'll be honest, there probably were strings attached to Marcus when it came to my being here. I offered to help keep parts of the house clean whenever the Diamonds were off to work or if Marcus was off training. It was strange to me that in many respects, I was still a stranger staying alone in their house.

"Again, Claude. It's not a bother. Though we could use the help on keeping Marcus' room clean," was what Mr. Diamond said on the matter.

I did so as dutifully as possible. I enjoyed this kind of gentle ribbing dynamic. The whole conversation did come at Marcus' expense slightly, but this light banter seemed to be a fact of life in these parts. Fittingly, Marcus and I were alone in his room once more. He had come back from a practice battle with a friend. I had just sat in the living room and watched TV, making sure that things were in order as best I could without trying to disrupt too much of what they were used to. If there's one thing I learned by basically being the sort-of caretaker for both my family and for Mr. Scott… Never mess with routine.

"Hey, Claude. You up for meeting Lyra soon?" Marcus asked me.

Lyra?... That's when it hit me that something needed to be done about a permanent relocation. I looked at Marcus a bit dazed, nodding. I was about to ask how those arrangements would be happening… and where would I even be going?...

"Awesome. We'll probably be meeting soon, an hour or so… or maybe tomorrow if schedules don't work. You up for some walking?"

I couldn't help but smile back. There was something about his gung-ho nature and the ease in which he talked that made it easy to forget about today's worries. Or, at the very least, it made it easier to process them and take these days one step at a time. Yet still, Lyra being brought up all of a sudden… I needed to ask him what was going on.

"Hey, about Lyra… What's… going on with the… what's gonna… happen to me?"

"I figured you'd ask that. Lyra and I are still figuring it out. The plan is still for us to travel to Celadon and we're taking you with us. We've been trying to find places and I'll be honest… it's been hard."

"What do you mean?..."

"Here's the thing… We've been trying to see if there's any orphanages around Celadon. There are, but most of them are nearly full and I started saying to Lyra… You're technically still not orphaned and knowing that… I'm not sure if they'd be good options."

"Where… where would I go?..."

"We're still determining that. That's part of why we're trying to get us three together and for her to finally meet you… This is your life, after all. You want to want to do this, not just us two."

I nodded, breathless again. It was a bit much to take in, but he did have a point… I wanted nothing more to escape, but I thought so much on the act of doing so that having a landing place was lost on me. That already burned me when I tried to run away on my own… First Viridian Forest and now Mr. Scott. Besides… I know anywhere would be fine to an extent, but if it had to be anywhere in particular… It'd be a wild idea, but anywhere out of this region. Anywhere that my family wouldn't find me. Where Xavier wouldn't find me… Where he wouldn't find me.

"I… I understand… Above all else though, I… just want to get away and settle someplace else where I don't have to worry…"

"I know. Now, come on, my Dad said I apparently needed help cleaning, heh. I'll show you how."

From talking about my future to now doing some domestic work on Marcus' room. I had to admit, Marcus' Dad may have been exaggerating a bit. He was a bit messy, but which person wasn't? Compared to me, Marcus is a saint in room cleanliness. Things were largely in order, even if they were probably kept untouched from journeying for so long. In fact, some of his knick-knacks were left underused.

"This is what happens when 10 to 12 months are spent in the wilderness. Trust me, if I was here going to school over in Saffron, this room wouldn't appear so well-kept. Ah! That looks like an old, worn-down map from when I did my Johto journey…"

I saw Marcus scratch the back of his head and smile awkwardly. We went through more of his old things after that. Both as a way to kill some time and learn more about him. Throughout this, without him even directly speaking about it, I could see why he could well be Xavier's equal or could even be a champion someday… He took pokemon training seriously. In many ways, seeing the room filled with battling notes, battle items, notes on those notes on specific pokemon he caught, and a cabinet collection of the badges and trophies he accumulated were signs of just how much this whole path was at the forefront of his mind. I could see the silver trophy from the Johto Silver conference… Badges from Kanto and Johto. Plus, to boot, it seemed as if he went for efficiency in his wardrobe too. It was practically variants of the blue jacket he was very fond of wearing, just seeming to get bigger the more he aged. The older his stuff grew, the more it definitely needed to be organized… And the full extent of everything was frightening once you go beyond just the base physical appearance of the room. Pokeballs, multiple travelling backpacks, spare pokebucks that he told me emergency savings in case things go awry during a journey… What did Marcus not have?

I can only wonder just how many things he brought home with him every time he returned home from journeying… And ah, that reminded me of a question I've been meaning to ask.

"Marcus… What made you get into pokemon battling so intensely?..."

I saw him visibly pause and what I assumed to be thinking. I had a feeling my brain was likely jumping the gun but now I feared that it may have been too sensitive or sudden of a question. I was prepared to respond with a 'no need to answer the question' until he locked eyes with me.

"Huh… I've thought about that question but I'll be honest, I never really had an honest answer for it. You've seen battles on screen, right?"

I nodded.

"I used to describe it as a rush. Even losing, after some time, I didn't mind at all... At a certain point, after having trained, fought a ton of battles, and found myself on TV at least two times, the fun was actually getting there, training, and bonding with my pokemon... It's the same thing they always told us in school, that it's the bond with your pokemon that matters. I thought it was a little bit hokey... I thought, don't we all? Wasn't that obvious?

"But when you're out there, in the middle of the night... Scared out of your wits wondering why you want to do this. Being there for your pokemon pays off... It was my starter, the blastoise's whose been there for for a long time. He was only a wartortle then. But we got ambushed when I was returning back to Pallet Town to see Oak. We got ambushed in the same place you did, by fairly similar pokemon too... Beedrill. I've had a slight phobia against them since. Ah, I digressed

"Anyway, it's that bond you develop that it hit me why people make a career out of pokemon training. Most people I know go through the journey and do just fine. You don't need to have brilliance to be able to make it through the eight gyms in any region. You do have to live with the travel aspect and survival, but... it's not that bad. But it's what happens during it, either when something dramatic or you realize just how long you've been with your pokemon pals for so long that they become nearly friends for life... For me, right around challenging Blaine and going to Cinnabar was when it hit me after wartortle saved my life. The rush of that bond pushed me to train harder when I got the last two badges. I started putting on that intense training regiment on myself after I finished Kanto. Hence, that's why the whole 'Marshall' thing came about when I did my next journey through Johto

"Having a beret does help, heh... Anyway, I hope that... answered the question, kinda. I'm not sure if I answered it."

"Marcus I... That was... that was incredible..."

Shock didn't even cover the feelings bubbling up inside me. I knew I had a lot to think about.

"Ah, nah. Trust me... I think the really veteran trainers could have a better handle. I've been only at this for three years, and even then, I haven't really settled down. I'm still journeying, I'm still searching for new regions to get badges in. The really good ones I know usually tend to stay in one region... Sometimes they go for it. I know it's fairly common for people to do both Kanto and Johto. I did that. I've thought about going to Sinnoh... That's where Mom and Dad did theirs."

"They're from Sinnoh?"

"Yeah. Said they'd immigrated to Kanto a while back, just before I was born. So by blood, I'm related there. They might be the next region I hit, which is part of why I'm going to Lyra to Celadon... I'm supposed to put all the finishing touches on my going there, applying for the league challenge there, and deciding who to bring along for the journey in case things go bad. Lyra's planning on Kanto. It's not a bad thing to go through... I think you could do it."

I shook my head.

"I... I don't know if I could... Too many people know well... my brother. And... I'm not even sure I got certified?..."

"Wait... how? You said you passed your trainer's exam in Pallet... That's usually enough for you to get approved for a pokedex. You said you refused, yeah?"

"I did... But I'm not sure if the actual thing went through... I did so bad I may have just passed out of sheer pity and luck. I did say no but... I'm not sure if I'd able to now. I'd have to get paperwork and registration... and... I'm not going back to Pallet..."

"I see... In the future, though, if you're able to-"

I heard the sound of a phone vibrate and Marcus' face being caught by slight surprise.

"Ah, it's Lyra! Give me just a sec."

There was a part of me that wished I asked that earlier. I sort of receded into my little corner that was my bed as I heard Marcus talk to Lyra. I could only assume that if were going to meet up with her, it was going to be soon. For now, I used this brief moment to catch a breath and start thinking about what he said. The prospect of an actual pokemon journey... Not running away, but actually exploring with a purpose and with a mindset in mind instead of trying to stay alive for who knows how long. I swear he offered an opportunity like that when I was still recovering in Pewter's pokemon center. Ah, it may just be wishful thinking and fabricated memories at this point. As tempting as it was... I still wasn't sure if I was in any condition to pull it off. I remember Xavier spending most of his time as a 9 year old preparing for a pokemon journey. Our father had the financial means to provide for everything. In the lead up of preparing for those end-of-term exams, Xavier would always be preparing and researching. He got information he could on how and where to go for the 8 badge league challenge. He'd prattle off any bits of research to our father. As our father is wont to do, he simply listened and bought whatever he needed, no matter the cost.

If there was one thing I shared in common with... him, it's that the both of us aren't well-versed in pokemon. I never knew if father ever had a fear of them or just got nervous around them, but I vividly remember Xavier listing what he thought he needed. If he had the slightest need for it, my father would just keep throwing money at whatever equipment that Xavier said he might have a use for. To a certain extent, that's what happened with Alexis. He was just as happy to dote on her through the form of material gifts and equipment. He wasn't as nearly as spending happy with her as he was with Xavier; I wouldn't be surprised if the bill amounted to a stunning number, but even so... Father still bought as much as he could.

Marcus' family was well-off, of course. But... not nearly to the extent of a nigh-palatial estate that I was used to. Immigrants from Sinnoh, focused on hard work... A part of me wasn't surprised at just how much... grit? Or at least determination, that Marcus exuded when talking about why he wanted to get into being a trainer in the first place. If he could... Albeit, with more supportive parents and what I'm assuming is more latent talent... Nah, maybe it's too flight of fancy. As if any pokemon would trust me wanting to train them. I sighed and laid my head back, letting my thoughts drift off...

As soon as I felt everything begin to blur with a lull, I heard Marcus' footsteps roll back into the room. Whatever position I was in seemed to be slightly hilarious. I got up in a rush and I heard him chuckle, him trying to clearly cover up his mirth.

"What, you got sleepy there for a sec?" Marcus asked teasingly.

I shook my head with a slight smile.

"I started thinking... I forget that my mind likes to doze off into the distance." I said, sheepishly.

"Not a problem. I just got off a call from Lyra. I was getting concerned there. She said she's ready to meet up."

Just like that, we were back on the streets of Saffron. It was a clear day, blue skies, the sounds of the urban rhythm more pronounce due to it being a weekday. I stuck as close to Marcus as possible. Leaving the relative safety of his family's apartments had put me on slight alert. I didn't forget the brief 'encounter' with Xavier when I was still under Mr. Scott's house. He was still here... And I wouldn't be surprised if at least father was still with him. Marcus was the only friend I knew for now here. I took a deep breath step by step, forcing myself to just take in the surroundings as someone walking calmly and slowly. I'm trying not to survive... I'm walking with a friend... I'm walking to meet up another person that could aid that same friend in helping me find a place more permanent.

I don't where this could be heading... And in a strange way, there was a comfort in that. Whatever it was, it wasn't going to be the past. It wasn't going to be having to face my father... Face an isolation I couldn't fight. To face a survival that seemed to hinge upon whatever other people felt. At least here... if I failed, it was me that failed.

Marcus and I kept walking, exchanging some brief words, until we found ourselves in a park built for pokemon battles and practice. It was a different from one I remember being in that was nearby Mr. Scott's Hope House. I looked around for a sign of anyone familiar. No Xavier... No Mr. Scott... In fact, I didn't recognize this part of Saffron at all. The buildings looked similar, yes. However, the specific arrangement, the way the streets curved, and where they led to didn't strike me as looking overtly familiar. I breathed a sigh of relief there... At the very least, I was still away from Mr. Scott. I just needed to remind myself of that... Hope House isn't nearby. Hope House isn't nearby.

It's not, at least relatively speaking...

"We... meeting up Lyra here?" I asked.

He nodded.

"Yep. Most friends I meet from journeys, if they're nearby, use this kinda as a spot to meet-up if we can't do where we live for home... Flying in from another city works if they have a flying-type and aren't too far. Lyra's running late... Heh, not surprised."

"Who... is Lyra, by any chance?"

"Ah, I... should've said something about her. Duh... Anyway. Lyra's a good friend of mine who I met and had as a traveling companion for a fair bit when I was journeying through Johto. She's an awesome trainer, dedicated. She's planning on heading back to Johto for a bit of a break. I'm pretty sure I mentioned she was planning on doing the league challenge here... If we have the time, we're also each other's training partners if we ever need to spar. And speak of her, I think I see her."

Marcus pointed me towards the direction of a, who I assumed to be teenaged, girl walking towards us. She was the definition of energy, and exuded somewhat spunky pokemon trainer who, if you weren't careful or if you underestimated her, she'd probably leave you in her wake. However, she seemed to have a fairly demeanor. I saw her first walking up to Marcus, probably first recognizing him than me. I heard them exchanging small talk, a how are you and some playful ribs between both, then my name was dropped briefly. As soon as she reached us however, she did a double take when she looked at me. I was puzzled at first, but then I realized…

I hope this is the wrong assumption, but she probably knows Xavier… I hope not, right?...

"Geez Mark. I know you told me he's his twin but they practically look like clones. Sorry about that. You must be… Claude right?"

I nodded, way too overwhelmed to speak.

"Hey, easy on the guy." I heard Marcus say.

"I am! Lyra's my name. Pretty sure the good ol' Marshall's mentioned me. I know a fair bit about the situation. He's persuasive, I can tell you that, but I have a feeling what you've been through is intense. Come on, let's walk through the park and find someplace else where we can talk."

I glanced at Marcus somewhat helplessly. He smiled sheepishly and walked with Lyra as we made the brief walk to a more private place. I had to admit, this was all very surreal. Along the way, my ears picked up on a conversation they were having.

"You planning on starting Kanto anytime soon? I don't know if Oak has any starters left… He let out the most and biggest batch this season not too long ago," I heard Marcus say.

"Already? Didn't realize the league season crept up that quick… I know Oak probably has a spare starter floating around. I'm not in any rush though… You know I'm going back to New Bark Town to visit my Mom. And I need to take care of my pokedex anyway before I start knocking on his door."

"Point taken. You should at some point, though. Kanto's a fun region to go through. There's a reason why this region's considered iconic. Pick your starter well too."

"I know. I'm torn on who. Everybody seems to want all three, but especially charmander. I'd have to admit... a charizard would be amazing. Who wouldn't want one? Granted..."

"If you do, have fun with charmeleon."

Just as soon as my mind began to blur their conversation into noise, we stopped in a more discrete corner of the park. I saw Lyra glance at Marcus and I, and nodded.

"Anyway, we need to get to the heart of why we're here. For you, Claude, got your name right?"

I nodded to her.

"Alright... first things first. We're all going to Celadon for different reasons. Mark, I know you're trying to get ready for Sinnoh. For me, it's a stop towards Route 27 so I can get back home on foot. For you..."

I heard Lyra stop there. My heart sank slightly... I had a feeling there still wasn't some sort of concrete outcome out of this. I took a deep breath, feeling just a touch more encouraged when I saw Marcus nod at me.

"I'm... I'm looking for a place to stay. Any place, really... I don't want to be back with my family..."

"Checks out with what I've heard from Mark... I think there's a few places in Celadon that could take you in. Maybe even Johto?..."

I had to admit, it wouldn't be a bad idea... Still, it wouldn't be productive to start getting my hopes up so suddenly.

"Do you know what they are?..." I asked her.

"Mark said there's two or three orphanages that could take you in. I just don't know if they're in capacity or not... We'd have to travel to there to find out if things can be worked out. How much do you not wanna go back to your family?"

I shook my head vigorously at that point. God no... that would completely erase the whole point of why I was even here.

"It's all tentative. If things don't work out... I can talk to my parents again, Claude. I think they're getting around and... I don't mind having you around. So, don't worry." Marcus said.

I wished I had better words than just nodding my head around or gaping at the two with just nothing but my expressions... It was a lot to take in and I'll be honest, there were so many unknowns to this that realistically, a part of me felt that something was going to go wrong. Yet... I'd rather have this than either my old life in Pallet or to live with Mr. Scott again.

"Hey Marcus, you up for a sparring match?" I heard Lyra ask.

"Heh, sure. Just one versus one. Better make sure there's no type advantage?"

"Fair. Come on, let's go."

It was a strange helplessness contemplating everything that was just said. It sort of confirmed to me that I still needed to press on with them, go to Celadon myself to see if it was a viable place to settle temporarily… But it'd be a tall order still. I've lost track of time in the days since I got 'adopted' by Mr. Scott and then left him. I'd only ever encountered my father once and that was before I walked to Mr. Scott's Hope House. I didn't know how to read this… But I guess, if he still for some reason wanted me back home, surely he would've chased me around by now? I shook my head from these thoughts as I watched Marcus and Lyra prepare for their sparring battle. We'd walked to one of the spots that was appropriate for such a thing. I sat at a nearby bench.

Nobody really had to officiate anything, so I saw Marcus and Lyra excitedly take their pokeballs out and discuss what they were going to do. I couldn't hear specifically what being that relatively far away. Yet still, it was a comforting sight regardless. Maybe even one day this whole pokemon battling thing could be normatized to me, instead of my seeing trainers on the screen, and the local media sensationalizing the success stories and broadcasting the champions.

I saw them take their positions and release some pokemon I was only faintly familiar with. I felt my heart race when they were out, and heard the familiar shouts associated with battles like this. At the very least, neither of the two were bug-types. Yet, I was struggling to recall the names of these two pokemon, only knowing faintly their appearances either through hearsay or faint memories of my public schooling come out to light. Yet, these memories were blurry. I couldn't even examine them closely enough for long seeing as orders were called out. From the way Marcus' eyes narrowed and his almost eerie yet military-esque confidence in calling out his pokemons' moves, there was a reason why he was called the Marshall…

There was a poetry to witnessing a pokemon battle up close. I think I got a handle of what both pokemon looked like as they engaged in battle, looking almost like a roughly choreographed dance of mostly basic moves... Tackles, punches, physical hits. Wait... Marcus' pokemon looked like a fighting type. That pokemon looked vaguely familiar... Brown skin, red boxing gloves, what I assumed to be a boxing suit, and a humanoid figure. A... Hitmonchan? I think that's what his pokemon was. Lyra's pokemon I didn't recognize, but it seemed to be a fighting type as well in the form of a toad, with black swirls in its white belly. Either way, both of them were exuding a kind of physical strength that frightened me. If I'd gotten between the both of them, I'd no doubt that I'd be knocked out in a flash or have my brain flattened. What was astounding to me was just how in the moment both Marcus and Lyra were. They were shouting out moves, counterattacks, and tactics in the heat of the moment. Battling was practically second nature to them and it certainly seemed like a real battle, even if this was more practice than something officially sanctioned by the league.

Seeing the moves connect and miss pulled my attention in a way that watching it through the TV never really achieved. Sure, I was in the safety of a random bench, sitting down and twiddling my thumbs while watching two trainers duke it out. Yet, they were right there not too far either. I move and I could disrupt the battle. If these were the legendary pokemon I keep hearing about... One would need an arena to be able to fit all the power in and make sure that nothing gets harmed. The whole thing did settle into a rhythm of moves connecting with each other. Marcus and Lyra both taking select pauses to try out new moves. Eventually, the 'battle' ended when it looked like one of the pokemon was about to faint. It was the one with the black swirls, the Poli... Poli... I seriously can't recall. It was Lyra's pokemon that looked ready to collapse. Lyra, being the watchful eye, called off the sparring session.

"Good practice, eh?" I heard Marcus say.

"Not surprised you'd say that now, Marshall. But it was a good one Mark. Finally good to get some practice in that isn't just against my own pokemon."

I couldn't deny I felt a little bit out of place... Ah, but that's another thought for another day. I was about to walk over to the both of them when I saw a whiff of red in the corner of my left eye. I glanced to my left to find no one... Red?... I thought for a moment... Okay, I think I might just be imagining this. There's no way... no way, right?

"Hey Claude, did you-Claude, are you alright?"

It took Marcus' voice to take me out of that reverie.

"I-I'm fine... I thought I saw something."

There's no way... It might just be my mind playing tricks on my just like it did when I was walking with Trouble. It's probably just a false memory of Xavier... He's not here, I hope to god he wasn't here. I stuck close with Marcus as he said his farewells to Lyra. My mind was too pre-occupied with trying to look around for even the slightest sign. It couldn't have been him... Red is a common color. Red is a common color around pokemon trainers. There's even a trainer named red. There's nothing unusual about red, no... nothing at all.

"Claude, come on. Let's go."

I was breathless, on auto-pilot. Why was my paranoia popping up? I was with Marcus... there was something of a plan. It was sunset... We're nearby Marcus' apartment. We'd be home if we walked fast enough.

"You're shaking again, sure you're gonna be fine?"

"I-I'll be fine... It's getting dark, we should go-"

"Marcus!"

I'd never felt my heart sink so fast. There was no place to hide in this open park for trainers. No place to run and nowhere to pretend I didn't exist. That was him. That was Xavier. It's like the old stereotypical idiom... Speak of the devil and the devil shall come. In this case, I spoke of him so extensively to Marcus over and over, and hell, even conjured up a false version of him in my mind during my darkest moments that it wasn't long until the real version of him came before my very eyes. I closed my eyes and tried not to scream. I glanced at Marcus helplessly and I saw his eyes narrow. There was the helplessness that brings relief, but this helplessness... This was the helplessness I didn't want to feel.

There wasn't much of a choice.

"Never thought I'd see you here, Xavier. What brings you here?" I heard Marcus say.

"You know I'm still waiting for that battle with you, right? And hey, I'm right here. You don't need to do the whole turned around business. And who do you have with you?"

I swore I heard Marcus curse.

I turned around along with Marcus. Seeing Xavier again after accidentally encountering him not too long ago was quite the trip, to put it mildly. I wasn't sure how to read his expression. I'll be honest, I wasn't sure what I was giving him either. I stayed behind Marcus, not daring to approach, not daring to move even a single inch. The old haughty demeanor I heard from his voice was there no longer. It was just silence between us three. There I was, hiding behind my brother's rival. I could tell from his face he wasn't this expecting either. Also at a loss just as I am... How poetic, isn't it?... Xavier and I just glancing at each other like two lost children, not sure of what to do, not sure of how to approach each other's presences with another person there.

No words were exchanged. Each move was like a complicated chess piece. One single move could result in something that one might regret happening.

"What... what are you..." Xavier started.

I could see his fists ball up. The old kind of anger I saw when we were kids. We didn't talk, or play with each other, but when we ended up getting into some conflict or ran into each other… It never really resulted in anything positive or worthwhile. Around Xavier, I was constantly reminded that I was the very pariah of the family. That if I didn't mean anything to our father, then I surely didn't mean anything to him either. I was frozen into place, at the mercy of what he'd do next. The memories that acted like ghosts suddenly had a clarity to the. Now I remembered the very same times, in the years before we turned 10, he had me locked into position like this. I was trying my best to clean the house or cook the family food. I may have one done thing wrong in error. I either misplaced the vacuum or may not have cooked something to perfection. Or maybe I'd just happened to bump into him while I was working, and that somehow even daring a glance was itself worthy of punishment.

In those scant moments back at the Sheffield estate where our eyes gazed at each other, it was like staring into my own reflection. A reflection that had a face that looked eerily similar to mine, but I also knew that was not me at the same time. That reflection was another person, another person who I hoped to love at some point. That I thought that, hey… even with the backdrop of a father that domineered the house to such an extreme extent, maybe he could be someone I'd rely upon and talk to like Alexis. Instead, each counter felt like life and death… a sudden grabbing of the arms, a risk of being shouted at for glancing towards his direction. Instead of seeing my brother, I saw our father in his eyes.

Now, here he was again… That same look of wanting me away. A look of surprise etched in his eyes and an anger that made me aware that I was shaking. I understood again why someone like Trouble kept trembling. I should've known better, but yet I keep denying and running away. Running away from every single problem with the faint hope that if I ignore the problem long enough, it would fade into nothingness. He took a step forward. The only person that stopped me from running away into who knows where was Marcus. In the back of my mind, running away now meant going back to square one. Back into a realm of total uncertainty and thinking about trying to get through the next hour.

I didn't want that.

"What are you doing with him!?" Xavier shouted.

"What's your problem?" Marcus asked, still somehow calm. At least, he seemed to be faring better than I was…

Marcus… I'm so sorry you're caught between us. I'm so sorry this is all happening.

"My problem?... My problem!? …You don't understand the half of it. When the hell did you two even meet!?"

"It's not my place to tell. Xavier, the battle can wait… Just let me get home and-"

I wished I ran away.

I felt myself being grabbed by my shirt's collar. I saw Xavier's face hanging close to my own, being slowly held. He was fast, quick, and all I could do was close my eyes and hope for the best. Just like I always did when things like this happened back at that broken home… I felt a sharp pain at the top of my head before I felt myself drop to the ground. I winced, immediately holding it and the sounds of scuffles and grunts fading into the background.

"Running away doesn't solve anything, Claude! Agh! Get off!"

Xavier's shouts pierced through the pain as my eyes were met with park's dirt. I was shaking. I was seeing red. But I didn't have the strength to do anything. It was an empty kind of red, a kind that let me know that as much as I wanted to scream and shout, to try and exact some kind of victory from this. It wasn't worth it. Xavier, at least for now, wasn't worth it. Going back to my family would never be worth it. If I felt out of place with Marcus and Lyra, then with Xavier… I didn't even want to bear the thought. Just the thought itself somehow physically hurt. And in some way, Xavier was right… There was one thing he shared with our father when it came to things like this. He always had a rebuttal or some armor-piercing statement. I wasn't the only person he directed this to… Sometimes Mother, definitely Alexis from time to time, and I wouldn't be surprised if Marcus ended up in his crosshairs during the 2 to 3 years he's been pokemon training.

Somehow, Marcus had the strength had to ward him off. As soon as I heard a yell from a person that wasn't Marcus or Xavier, I was on alert. Everything hurt, but we needed to get away from here as soon as possible… I looked at Marcus, who was getting away from Xavier after wrestling with him. The whole altercation went by so fast. My vision blurred and I wasn't even sure what was happening anymore. I saw Marcus wave for me to follow him, and so I did, quickly.

Everything hurt again… My head was throbbing, but I needed to fight through it. With Marcus, we walked away as fast as possible from the scene.

"He's not following us… Come on, Claude."

He's not… I have to remember that. He's not following us. He's not following us.

He's not following us.

I just wanted Xavier to give up on me… If he's going to be like father, why doesn't he just let me go?... If I'm not worth anything to him… Ah, I really don't know anymore. Every single thought I think now risks being derailed and sinking somewhere, probably some void. It's not even a matter of sifting through and reflecting anymore. If anything, I just wanted to forget… To forget my old family, to forget that things would ever work out. I know that's precisely running away. I know that I may have just made things worse with that. I know it had consequences…

Mother… Alexis… Where were they now?... Him appearing means they probably were around. I know they were, they lived in this region. Alexis is journeying here… But as long as father was around, I'm not even sure they'd even want to see me.

Everything moved in such a dramatic blur that I must've fell unconscious at some point… I don't remember walking, I don't remember collapsing. I just recount the searing pain in my head and heart. The memories were brought into clarity, but I didn't want them anymore. In some ways, leaving those memories as details I felt the contours of was for the best. I was blacked out, numb.

I just wanted a life… My life. I wanted to live my life.

All I wanted was to be free. To fail and succeed on my own terms. To be able to wake up, do what I need to do, and not have to worry about having to satisfy someone's desires, over and over… over and over…

At the heart of it, I just wanted to be myself. To find out what that sense of self even was. And just… live with it until the end of my life, whatever it may be.

Yet that thought felt so profoundly selfish.

And a part of me felt that this line of thinking was wrong.