Chapter Seventeen
Saturday 7th December - Two weeks ago – 7pm
Susan knocked on Elly's bedroom door, "Elly, dinner's almost ready. Are you coming out to eat?"
Susan frowned as she heard the muffled choked up response, "Go away, Suze. I don't want to talk to anyone right now. I'm staying locked up in this room for the rest of my life."
Not to be deterred, Susan knocked again lightly, but this time when Elly ignored her, Susan opened the door, poking her head in and quietly letting Elly know, "Elly, I'm not just going to leave you alone. Bea's worried about you. She said you've been in here for more than two hours and you are refusing to talk to anyone."
"Go away, Suze," Elly repeated, her face buried in her pillow.
Susan ignored her niece, opening the bedroom door properly, closing it behind her and moving over to Elly's side of the bed where she sat down on the edge of the bed.
Looking down at her niece, Susan wondered what had upset Elly so much that she was curled up on her bed, tears streaming down her face, "Elly, I'm not just going to go away. I know you don't want to talk about whatever is going on with you but I'm not going to leave you on your own."
"I'm not talking about it," Elly muttered.
Susan reached out and placed her hand on Elly's leg for a few moments, gently reassuring Elly, before pulling away from the contact and placing her hands in her lap, "Elly, I'm not leaving this room until you do talk to me. So, either we're both missing out on dinner tonight or you and I are going to talk about whatever it is that's been bothering you the past couple weeks."
"I don't want to think about food tonight so if you want to stave then that's what you'll be doing," Elly replied.
Susan persisted, "Bea's worried about you, Elly. You haven't been yourself for a few weeks now. We've all noticed but you won't talk to us about it. Bea said you blew off Shaun as soon as you got home. I know having Shaun around even for the next couple months is a huge reminder of why things with Mark fell apart but-"
"I don't give a stuff about Shaun," Elly mumbled as she tried wiping away tears from her cheek, "Shaun's not the reminder of the biggest mistake I've ever made in my life."
Susan thought for a moment, "Did you see Pierce today?"
Elly shrugged as she continued crying.
"What did Pierce say to you that's got you this upset?" Susan asked quietly.
"Forget it, I'm not talking about it!" Elly claimed.
Susan suggested, "Do you want me to get Bea? You can talk to her about it? Or I could ask Chloe to come over if you-"
"Don't waste your time going to Chloe. She's got far more important things happening tonight that I'd never be able to stop," Elly revealed.
"So, this is about Chloe?" Susan deduced.
Elly found herself nodding unable to hide it was the truth.
"What happened? Did you see Chloe instead of Pierce at the hotel?" Susan asked.
Elly shook her head, "I don't want to talk about it."
Susan exhaled loudly, "Elly, you cannot keep doing this. Bottling up your emotions, shutting down and keeping things from people. This is the kind of thing that led to Mark being blindsided that Chloe loves you when you married him. Not to mention how long you kept it from all of us who your child's father is which we understand why you did what you did but it still hurt you couldn't come to any of us."
"Chloe doesn't love me," Elly whimpered through another set of tears.
"What happened with Chloe?" Susan asked.
Elly wiped her tears from her eyes, finally shifting until she had sat up, swung her legs off the mattress until she was sitting next to her Aunt on the side of the bed, placing her hand over her baby bump, "Nothing happened with Chloe and it's never going to."
Susan placed her hand on Elly's knee in support, "What makes you say that? Do you not want it to?"
I want it to…more than you'll ever believe…but it won't.
Elly dodged her Aunt's second question, finally admitting, "Pierce is proposing to Chloe tonight. They're going to get married."
"I see," Susan nodded, "How did you find that out?"
Elly sniffled, "I walked in on Pierce practicing his proposal speech…I thought it was the real thing…ended up walking in on Pierce on bended knee holding out a ridiculously overpriced ring to absolutely no one…well except me when I entered his office. That was awkward."
"So, Pierce is proposing to Chloe tonight…it doesn't mean she's going to say yes," Susan pointed out.
"Doesn't mean Chloe will say no either…why would she say anything but yes…? Pierce can give her the world," Elly retorted.
"You don't want Chloe to marry Pierce, do you?" Susan determined.
Elly chewed on her lip unable to answer.
Susan stared at her niece, and the anguish all over her face, "How long have you been in love with Chloe?"
How does Susan do that?
Elly frowned as she glanced over at Susan. She wanted to lie to her Aunt, claim innocence over her feelings for her best friend but she'd already spent much of the last year lying to her family over one thing or another.
I need to tell someone…don't I?
Elly looked away from Susan as she admitted, "A few weeks…that's a lie…the entire last year, it just took me until a few weeks ago to accept it myself. I'm a fool."
"What makes you think you're a fool?" Susan queried, squeezing Elly's knee.
"Chloe was in love with me a year ago, it's taken me too long to accept I love her too cause I'm just a fool. She's with Pierce, she's gonna marry him and there's nothing I can do about it," Elly decided.
"Why did it take it you so long to admit to yourself you're in love with Chloe?" Susan asked curiously.
"I didn't want to be," Elly admitted, "I thought people would treat me differently. I was so focused on what other people think of me I ignored how I thought and felt about Chloe myself."
Susan didn't reply, silently urging Elly to continue which she did.
"Chloe was so brave when she told me she loves me. She wrote it in a Christmas card to me. I didn't want to lose my friend and kept needing her in my life but I couldn't work out why. I hated Mel when she showed up. Then...all the mess that happened leading up to the wedding to Mark with him shutting me out and taking off that I spent the night with Chloe. I shut her down brutally that I only slept with her for comfort back in March because I didn't want to face that what happened between us did mean something. It took me over half the year to even admit I'm attracted to her and there is something between us...then it took her less than a fortnight to realize I was never going to come to terms with my feelings for her so she cut her losses and ran...to Pierce," Elly explained.
"Have you come to terms with your feelings for Chloe?" Susan asked simply.
"Yes," Elly answered before elaborating, "I'm in love with Chloe, Suze. She's all I think about. I want to be with her."
"Then you need to tell Chloe," Susan advised quietly.
"How can I?" Elly asked as she glanced at her Aunt with tears in her eyes, "Chloe's going to marry Pierce."
"You don't know that," Susan reassured, "Pierce hasn't even asked her yet. Hendrix hasn't turned up for dinner yet, he's not due for another 10 minutes or so which means Chloe and Pierce haven't gone out for...whatever fancy dinner Pierce has planned to ask Chloe to marry him-"
"What if he's not going to make it fancy? What if Pierce's plan is to propose to Chloe with Hendrix there...make it a big family affair?" Elly pointed out sadly.
"This is Pierce we're talking about. He's going to make a big song and dance about it in front of as many people he can. In fact, I'm surprised he won't be doing it in front of all of Chloe's friends and family. Perhaps there is a part of Pierce that feels Chloe might turn him down and proposing in front of strangers is the safer option. They haven't been together tremulously long, Chloe might not be ready to settle down into marriage...with Pierce. Anything could happen before Pierce gets a chance to propose tonight," Susan replied decidedly.
"Not with my luck," Elly sunk lower on the bed, struggling to avoid curling back up again and bury her head into her pillow.
"Chloe hasn't been proposed to yet and even if she does, there's still a chance she won't say 'yes,'" Susan countered.
Chloe wants security, safety...someone who is unafraid of declaring their love for her...that's Pierce in a nut shell.
Elly glanced at Susan with her eyes wide and expressive, "How am I supposed to watch Chloe marry him? Chloe watched me marrying Mark knowing how she felt about me...I don't think I have it in me to do the same."
Susan leant over and nudged Elly's shoulder with her own, "You could tell Chloe you're in love with her."
Elly grimaced at the thought, "There's no use...I can't offer Chloe anything."
"What makes you say that?" Susan asked.
Everything.
"I broke her heart, took a year to accept I'm in love with her, I'm eight and a half months pregnant to a one night stand after cheating on her brother for a second time, I have no time to offer Chloe as her girlfriend as I will be far too wrapped up in raising my baby, I'm terrified of spending my life with Chloe only to be forced to lose her to her Huntington's, I'm close to being broke having spent my savings on a disaster of a wedding and being unemployed for the better part of the last year, will be living on the minimum wage for my maternity leave from the school, I live in a packed house with my Aunt, Uncle, sister, her boyfriend and about to add a newborn to this house, Pierce has an entire house and a mansion with no mortgage payments and oh yeah a billion dollars to buy Chloe anything she'll ever need or take her to anywhere in the world she'll ever want to visit. If that's bad enough, whilst I think I'm comfortable being in a relationship with Chloe in front of my friends and family, I'm still not completely confident I could be in an open public relationship with Chloe just yet without fear of been judged by strangers for who I love...so yeah...what do I possibly have to offer Chloe that she can't already get with Pierce?" Elly rattled off sullenly.
"True love," Susan answered without hesitation.
Elly came close to rolling her eyes at her Aunt at the mere thought.
"You don't think for one second that any of that pales in comparison to true love...? I mean I'm not going to lie, you having a baby soon and needing to focus all your attention on him or her might be the biggest problem you'll face but it's not like Chloe broke up with you because of the baby, she did so as you weren't coming to terms with your feelings for her and you have now," Susan explained.
"What about the dating possibly marrying a billionaire versus an incredibly broke school teacher?" Elly asked uneasily.
"You're not broke, Elly, you're just...conservatively paid for a very important job to the community. Not everyone can be a billionaire like Pierce. Do you think Chloe honestly cares about that kind of stuff?" Susan continued.
Elly shrugged, "Probably not but it's something she needs to consider especially when it comes to the care she'll need for her Huntington's. I won't be able to afford anywhere near the level of care Pierce can. She needs to consider that. I couldn't even buy her a birthday present, Suze, not really. All the baby stuff I left it too long and after I bought it all I was unprepared that I hadn't planned to set money aside for her birthday last month. I got her a DVD of her favourite movie. Pierce got her jewelry worth more than my monthly wage plus splashed out to shut down the Waterhole for hours then for an entire day out on the town...limos, helicopter trip, private concert with her favourite band. You should've seen the ring he's got her, Suze. More expensive than probably 2 to 3 years worth of my wage. I'm not even sure if I had another place to move to that I could cover basic rent and costs. I blow through money on stupid things I don't need to impress people who don't care. Now I'm going to be a mum is when I realize it and it's too late to go back and not make those same mistakes again."
"How did Chloe react to the present you did buy her?" Susan asked calmly.
"Once I learnt what Pierce had planned for her...I was too embarrassed to give it to her cause it's pathetic in comparison. I just left it on the doorstop for her at the Brenaka's, didn't even bother to leave the card I wrote with it as I didn't want her to know it was from me. Didn't help, I got a 'thank you' text from her the next day, she didn't say anything else but it had to have been about the DVD. Must've felt sorry for me that I got her a worthless gift," Elly sighed.
"Not the way I see it," Susan replied decidedly, "You got Chloe a present you knew she would like, a present it's doubtful Pierce would think of because he probably doesn't know Chloe as well as you do to know her favourite movie. Chloe knew it was from you without needing to be told. She knows you're the only person in the world who knows her that well. Elly, you need to stop focusing on everything you can't offer Chloe and focus on the one thing you can. You can't bottle this up, you need to tell her how you feel."
Elly stared down at the floor, "I was planning to after I had my baby and had settled into being a mum...it's too late now...Pierce is proposing and I've missed my chance."
"Anything can happen, you don't know at all that if Pierce proposes Chloe will say 'yes,'" Susan said before jumping gently when her phone beeped with a text message. After pulling out her phone and reading the message, Susan placed her hand on Elly's knee again, "See, what did I just tell you?"
Can't be Chloe turning down Pierce's proposal...why would anyone text Susan about that?
Elly glanced up her Aunt blankly.
"Hendrix isn't coming to dinner anymore. Chloe's sick so her dinner with Pierce has been called off and Hendrix is making them all home-cooked soup to make her feel better. See, I told you, anything can happen," Susan pointed out happily.
Elly rolled her eyes, "Chloe being sick isn't going to stop Pierce proposing."
"It will tonight, I told you, it's Pierce, he's going to make a big deal out of it. He's not going to propose to Chloe amongst chicken soup, stacks of tissues and Chloe doped up on cold medication," Susan insisted, "You still have time to tell Chloe how you feel."
Elly bit her lip, "I can't...not 'til I have the baby and have my life sorted. I'm been given reprieve from tonight but I can't pray to the heavens Chloe remains sick for months on end so Pierce can't propose to her. I'm still going to spend the next few weeks immediately glancing at her hand to see if there's a ring on it on the random occasions I do manage to bump into Chloe. Pierce will probably have that ring sitting in his pocket everyday just waiting for Chloe to get over her cold and he can spring the big surprise on her at a better time."
"Proposal or not...you still need to tell Chloe how you feel about her, Elly. You hiding things and bottling things up to the point that you shut us out and want to curl up in your bed to cry yourself to sleep. It's not healthy for you, it doesn't help your stress levels with the baby," Susan pleaded.
"I can't tell her," Elly whispered, "I don't have a chance to win Chloe back after everything...please don't tell anyone."
Susan sighed gently, "Only if you promise me that you won't keep all your feelings for Chloe bottled up. You need to find a way to express them in whatever way you feel comfortable with. Telling me is one thing but you need to find some other outlet to be honest about how you feel."
"O...kay...how exactly am I supposed to do that as I don't want anyone else knowing...not until I'm settled as a mum...if Chloe isn't engaged or married by that stage?" Elly asked in confused.
"You're an English teacher, Elly, you'll figure it out," Susan told her.
What does me being an English teacher have to do with any of this?
Susan squeezed Elly's knee, "Now, you need to get yourself together for dinner. Try and make casual conversation with Shaun...you two are about to be in each other's lives for the rest of your lives. If you want to avoid awkward conversation with him after dinner, I will be writing out all the Christmas cards to the family this evening and you are more than happy to join me doing them."
"Christmas cards," Elly repeated.
Susan stood up, telling Elly, "Think about what I said, we'll see you out there in 5 minutes," before exiting Elly's room.
Elly shook her head and groaned in frustration.
How am I supposed to find a way to express my feelings for Chloe without telling someone else how I feel about her or any kind of way that means Chloe won't find out?