A/N: So I was going to say something horribly immature about the fact that this story had 69 reviews, but I'm bigger than that.
Hehehe... big.
Anyway, on a more intellectual note, the plot has once again re-surfaced, so your teeth can stop rotting from all the fluff I've been putting in. Bit of a short chapter, but next one'll make up for that.
**Chapter 13: Let's Go**
Tali felt giddy.
The Normandy was almost completely fixed up by now, and soon they would be heading to Rannoch.
Rannoch.
The first time she'd set foot on her people's world, a sense of awe had washed through her. She had seen the dust that covered her ancestors' bones, seen the plants and animals that had sustained her race for countless years. The plains where clans fought battles and made peace and traded and made love. Where children had grown up and seen the world without a mask in the way.
And now her people had it back. They could continue the struggles and joys of life with their feet firmly planted on the earth. And that was all because of Shepard.
A smile was brought to her face at the thought of him. He'd only left four hours ago and she already missed him. She was stuck in Engineering to help finalize the repairs and he was out teaching the very last training class that they would participate in. She felt a little silly about her separation anxiety, but the thought of now being able to spend the rest of her life with John on Rannoch made her chest almost hurt with joy.
This was it. What they had worked so hard for. They were finally going to be able to relax and have a home that didn't fly around the galaxy with guns strapped to its hull. They didn't have to shoot people or get injured or make difficult decisions. Their hard-won freedom left her feeling incredibly light.
"Uh, Tali? What're ye doin' wi' that capacitor?" Donnelly's voice dragged her away from her thoughts, and she suddenly realised that she'd been standing in the middle of the deck staring at the wall.
"O-oh, right. Here," she handed it to him and walked over towards the drive core, pulling up her omni-tool.
Get your head out of the clouds. The sooner you get this done the sooner you'll be on Rannoch.
Shepard scrubbed the last of the water from himself with a towel, walking over to his dresser and pulling pants on.
He'd finished the last training session with their "students" with the help of Garrus, James, Jacob and Kaidan. Now he had to go talk to Hackett about their imminent leave of Earth, something that filled him with anticipation.
He threw on a t-shirt and exited the cabin, grabbing his cane as he did so. It made him feel weak to use it, but the fact that if he didn't he'd be crippled within two hours has forced him to succumb. The threats from Tali about taking care of himself were good motivators as well.
He stepped out of the ship, heading towards the Admirals' offices. When he got there, he knocked quietly in the door and waited for it to open. It whooshed open silently a moment later, and he saw Hackett staring out of the big windows that completely covered one wall.
Hackett turned, nodding to him. "Commander. I have a feeling I know what this is about."
Shepard smiled faintly. "The Normandy's ready, sir. We'll be leaving very soon."
Hackett nodded again. "I've something to give you before that happens, then." he reached into his pocket and walked over to Shepard, handing him a small piece of plastic. He looked down in his palm and realised that it was a credit chit.
"There's four million credits on it." Hackett said, then held up a hand to stop his protests. "Every race has chipped in. It's hardly anything to give you compared to what you've accomplished, Shepard, but I'm afraid that's all the galaxy can spare at the moment."
"I... thank you, sir. I'll spend it wisely."
"I know you will." Hackett clapped a hand on his shoulder, eyes meeting his.
"Thank you, Commander. For all that you've done. You've put up with enough shit through this war to paint a building. It's high time the galaxy returns the favor." he said, lips tugging up at the corners.
He laughed. "I'm not sure what to say to that."
"You don't have to say anything."
He looked at his crew, all of them gathered at the entrance of the Normandy's airlock outside the docking bay. "Alright, listen up. We'll be leaving shortly and I want to know where all of you are going. We'll be headed to Rannoch, but we'll fly anyone wherever they want to go if you don't want to stick around." he raised a brow, waiting.
"I'll be staying here, Loco." James said, breaking the silence. "Earth's a mess right now and I wanna stay and help."
"I'm staying too." Jack said. "My students are here and they'd be lost without me."
"Would you look at that." Zaeed remarked. "Psycho bitch's become a goody-goody teacher."
Her fists glowed and Shepard raised his voice before a fight could break out. "What about everyone else?"
"I won't delay you, Shepard."
Wrex spoke up. "I'll take a shuttle back to Tuchanka."
"And I will too." Grunt added, nodding his massive head.
"I'm heading to Omega." Zaeed said in his gravely tones. "Collect some money I've been owed. Maybe then I'll buy a nice apartment and relax, even. But I won't keep you and your girlfriend, either. I'll catch my own ride."
"I will find my way to Lesuss, Commander. I wish to spend time with my daughter." Samara said in her usual serene voice.
"I bought a place in Rio for Brynn and I, so I'll be headed there." Jacob added in.
Shepard nodded. "Anyone else?"
Garrus snorted. "I'll stick around, Shepard. With your luck you'll probably find something that wants to kill you. Wouldn't want you to go without your turian you seem to love hiding behind."
"Appreciate it, Garrus." he said dryly.
"I'm coming with you guys. I already called dibs on decorating your house." Kasumi said, grinning under her hood.
"I think us three'll tag along too." Kaidan added, gesturing to himself, Javik and Liara, who both nodded.
He looked to the only person who hadn't yet spoken. "Miranda?"
Her mouth twisted. "I think... I think I'll stay. Oriana's living in Sydney right now, and I want to join her there."
He nodded, smiling to each of them. "Well, to those not coming... thank you. For everything. Sounds horribly inadequate, looking back on what we've all accomplished together, but I extend my thanks nonetheless."
"You don't have to, Shepard. Standing by you was enough." Wrex spoke up, walking to the front of the group. He clasped his shoulder roughly, a toothy grin on his leathery face. "And my thanks in return, brother. It's been an honor fighting beside you. And an even greater one helping you cure the krogan people."
Shepard nodded, a small, sad smile on his face as he thought of Mordin. Would've liked to run test on seashells. "Goodbye Wrex. I hope to see you soon."
The krogan laughed. "Oh, you will. As soon as you hurry up and marry her," he said, jerking a thumb to Tali. "I'll make sure to be there for the party."
"I think that counts for all of us, Commander." Jacob added, grinning. "I'd love to crash your fancy new house."
A chorus of enthusiastic agreements met his ears, and he grinned in return. "Well then I'll see all of you on Rannoch."
Maddy hurried through the ruined streets, short legs pumping with the effort to get to the docking bay. Her brother ran a little ahead of her, his infuriatingly long stride always leaving her a few steps behind.
Shepard had told them when he'd be leaving in case they wanted to say goodbye, and Maddy definitely wanted to.
They past hurriedly through the entrance to the bay and steered down the corridor that would take them to the Normandy.
"D'ye think he's left yet?" she asked worriedly. He promised not to. Hurt rose in her chest at the thought of him leaving without saying goodbye.
"Just hurry!" Ian said, sounding annoyed with her, which made her frown. He always seemed to be grumpy. I know I won't be like that when I'm older.
They turned another corner—
"Oof!" Ian slammed into someone, making Maddy do the same, getting a face-full of Ian's shirt.
She heard a laugh. "I was wondering if you two would show up." her heart swelled at the voice. He was still here!
Ian hastily backed away, hands held up in apology, making her clumsily back-peddle to avoid being tripped over. "Sorry sir, I didna mean—"
She saw Shepard smile as she poked her head around Ian. "Not a problem. Got here just in time though. We're about to head off."
Maddy shoved around her brother, hugging her arms around the Commander's waist. "Goodbye, sir." she said into his shirt, chin wobbling with the effort not to cry. She felt a hand touch her head and looked up at him. "Goodbye, Maddy. It was wonderful meeting you." he looked up at Ian, who stood behind her. "And to you as well, Ian." he stuck out a hand—Ian said it wasn't cool to be hugging the Commander—but surprised Maddy when he wrapped his arms around the man too.
Another chuckle from Shepard, who wrapped an arm around her brother. Ian let go after a brief moment, dark eyes shining but stubbornly not releasing any tears. "It was an honor tae meet ye, Commander."
"I wish we could come wi' ye." Maddy said, frowning and unlatching herself from him. "I dinna think mam would much like it though."
He smiled at her. "Stay with your mother. She needs the both of you." there was a funny look on his face, and he looked sort of sad. "I hope I'll get to see the both of you someday. It's always an interesting experience." he added, grinning. He began to walk away.
"Oh!" Maddy said, shoving her hand into her pocket and pulling out a packet, handing it to him when he turned around at her outburst. "I wanted to give ye this."
He looked down at it, frowning. "What is it?"
"It's cocoa! Ye seemed to like last time and ye're a little odd so I didna know if ye were going to go sleep in snow anytime soon and if ye were then I didn't want ye to be cold." She said in one huge breath, taking a gulp of air afterwards.
He burst out laughing, making her grin. "That's very thoughtful, Maddy." he looked at it again. "I'll be sure to keep it handy."
She hugged him fiercely once more, letting go a moment later. "Bye, sir. I hope to see ye again."
"So do I."
He watched Earth recede faintly from the cockpit window, a hand resting on the back of Joker's seat. The pilot was tapping away at buttons with practiced ease, barely even paying attention to the holographic display in front of him.
After his goodbyes with the MacLaine kids, his mother had appeared and insisted that she come along for the ride as well. She was currently in the med-bay, chatting with the good doctor.
"That's it, Commander. We're out of atmosphere. You can take your seat belt off and eat some shitty airline food now."
He chuckled, patting the pilot's seat. "Good." he was about to walk away but Joker's voice stopped him.
"Feels weird."
"What does?" He asked, turning.
Joker turned his chair, punching the auto-pilot button. "Just... everything. We don't have to fight anyone or go to god-awful planets where everybody's trying to kill you. No more Reapers or Cerberus or anything."
He smiled. "Well, I don't know about you, but I like the change of pace."
The pilot looked over to the seat next to him briefly, face neutral. "Yeah."
Shepard's chest tightened at the thought of EDI. "Jesus... I'm sorry, Joker."
The man shrugged, his sarcastic mask back in place. "Hardly your fault." he said, swiveling his chair back to face the controls.
How wrong you are, Joker. He opened his mouth for a moment, almost about to tell him the truth. Then he closed it again, thinking. Would it help the man, really? Telling him that his friend had a hand in killing one of the people he loved? Would it make it any less painful?
The answer was immediate. No, it wouldn't. In reality, it would like likely make it worse.
"Yeah." was all he said in return.
He stood before the giant window, glass of whiskey in hand. He'd fixed himself a drink at the bar, trying to wash down the guilt that had swelled in his chest and made it hard to breathe.
He'd always been aware of the consequences of his actions on the Citadel. He'd killed an entire race, and had destroyed an AI that had only just begun to taste true sentience and emotions. But now, as he had stood in front of the grief that had followed in his wake of destruction, had only truly made him realize just how many he'd killed.
He heard the door open, but didn't turn from his view of Sol's fading planets.
"Shepard?" It was Tali, her voice soft.
He turned and gave her a smile. "Everything good down in Engineering?"
She nodded, walking over and placing a hand on his arm. "Yes." she looked up at him, glowing eyes serious. "What's the matter?"
He smiled faintly. It seemed only Tali and his mother could figure out when something was troubling him. "Just... thinking on my decisions."
"You mean during the war? John, you couldn't have done any better, with the things you've accomplished—"
"I know, I... I know. But making the best worst decision still makes it a bad decision. Just a difficult pill to swallow, is all." he smiled at her again, pulling her close. He almost wanted to tell her what had happened in those final moments of the war, but something stopped him. Those seconds before the power conduit had erupted in flames were ones so intensely personal that he didn't think he'd be able to voice them, even in front of her. They had been thoughts of a dying man, trying to cram everything he'd ever felt or done in one moment. His regrets, his losses. His victories. His thoughts of those that he loved most.
And another part of him told him that he didn't deserve the relief of telling someone about his greatest regrets. He'd killed a million to save a trillion. Did that make him a murderer, or a hero? A damning question if he ever thought on it too long.
And why burden her with it? It was something neither of them could ever undo or fix, so why drive her crazy with the need to try? He knew she would; a born engineer and a fiercely practical woman, she'd jump at any chance to fix a problem someone had, be it mechanical or mental.
He'd leave the ghosts alone for now. It didn't do well to dwell on them.
"I love you." she said into his chest, then pulled back a little and brought a hand to his face. "Stop thinking about it and come to bed."
He smiled at her, chest unclenching ever so slightly.
"And I love you."