Chapter Seventeen: No more outings
It's been five days since the storm.
The breach in the fence is big, and there really wasn't anything that Esme could do about it. She didn't have enough plywood to begin patching up the wooden fence, and even if she did Esme wasn't comfortable with the idea of banging nails into the wood without having someone watching her back as she worked. Sometimes rotters were quiet, unable to moan because their throats have been ripped out, and she didn't want to be caught unawares... especially because there had been more movement in the area for the first time in months. Two small herds (both around ten rotters in number) had passed by, two of them had gotten stuck inside the garden. Every once in a while one of the garden rotters would bump into the fence and 'bounce' off and walk in the other direction but they couldn't seem to figure out just how to get out again. Just that morning Esme spied five rotters roaming around the backwoods, take one glance in the direction of the trapped rotters and just amble away when they didn't see or probably smell anything living.
For that reason, Esme elected to leave the rotters be for now. Even if it made the hair on the back of her neck rise at having such a threat so close to her babies. Unsurprisingly, it did make going downstairs an uncomfortable affair. She wasn't used to having sneak around in her own home. The world was a dangerous place but the daycare had been their sanctuary, a small slice from their old world and life that had been left virtually untouched by the apocalypse. Now it was tarnished and Esme no longer felt nearly as safe and prepared as she had before the storm. Now going down to the basement during the kids' nap time was the most dangerous part of her day, Lilac and Andre were sad that they could no longer come down with her to feed Peep and Pio or collect their eggs but Esme would not budge on that decision no matter how much the toddlers whined.
Esme had lost an astonishing amount of weight recently. She mostly chalked it up to the amount of stress she was under and her mounting anxiety over the breach, but she was starting to worry that it would affect her milk production. That was when Esme realized that she hadn't been eating enough, mostly because she was seemingly never hungry anymore. Outside of her daily routine, which consisted of taking care of her children, Esme had stopped. She stopped caring about herself outside of the children. She no longer read any of her favorite novels, she hadn't touched her guitar in over a month (not even during music time), she didn't write in her journal anymore unless it was to take inventory, she couldn't look at the pictures hanging in her living room without cringing, she was lethargic and it was hard for her to get up in the morning, she'd just been so exhausted recently... Esme wasn't a fool. She recognized her own symptoms.
Depression.
The ugly word reared its head at her. Daisy had convinced her to see a therapist a year after they'd met, to help Esme confront her issues and the depression that had engulfed her after escaping Spain. Talking to a stranger about her less than perfect childhood hadn't been easy, taking meds to balance out her hormones or whatever it was (she just used to scathingly call them her happy pills). Over the year she'd been in therapy she had warmed up to the woman, no longer afraid of being judged for innermost thoughts or feelings, even then Esme was happy when she no longer had to go see her. She'd continued to take the meds for another year or so before she stopped altogether.
Among the medication, she'd taken from the pharmacy Esme had found Prozac, the exact prescription she once used to take. But Esme wasn't going to take it. One of the main reasons she decided to stop taking her antidepressants was to become a wetnurse. Nursing and drugs, no matter how helpful they were to her mental health, did not go hand in hand. She wasn't going to compromise the health of her children because Esme was losing it. So Esme did the only thing she could do in a situation like this, she locked herself in the bathroom one evening after everyone was asleep and allowed herself to feel. To feel all of the loss that'd been clinging onto her frame since all this shit started. To mourn for all of the deaths... To mourn for herself, and the days she would never get back. For her children. For her loneliness... The morning after her break down, Esme felt lighter. She served a hearty breakfast, cleaned, and played with her children.
Another week passed before Esme remembered Lincoln, he was once known as the town hoarder, had a pile of plywood for sale during the last garage sale he'd had that hadn't sold. With luck, they would still be there. Lincoln's place wasn't far, three-minute walk through the woods. It'd be a simple walk, she'd taken the path to go visit that old coot about a million times before. But that was exactly it, before. Esme figured it was worth the risk if that she could fix the damn fence, not that she'd rush it. If anything she would just scout the area quickly on foot before running back. She wasn't going to use the truck unless she needed to, Esme really needed to preserve gas. During the kids' nap time, she locked the doors before quietly moving a changing table in front of the bottom door and quietly slipping out of the front. Esme moved quietly through the underbrush, her machete in hand.
Voices.
Esme's eyes widened, she hid behind the foliage as she spied at the men looting through Lincoln's junk. One of them laughed raucously as they kicked a crawling rotter on the ground.
"No survivors?" another asked.
"Nah," an African American man grunted as he walked out of Lincoln's home, "Besides, ya know the Govner don' wanna take in strays taday. Purgin' day."
Laughter filled the air.
Esme swallowed down her fear before she carefully began retreating, as soon as she was out of earshot she ran and ran until she was back in the safety of the daycare. No more trips outside.
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(Ok so this whole chapter got away from me...)
(Daryl was supposed to appear in this chapter... instead, Esme had a breakdown and then the Governor's men make an appearance...)
(Be excited because I'm dragging Daryl into the next chapter whether he wants to be written or not)
(Nina aspen wolf: Thank you so much! No worries, they'll definitely show up in the next chapter!)
(yclarke: Thank you!)
(Beachgirl25: I LOVE YOUR REVIEWS! I feel the same about Merle! Also, you have a really cool idea about Michone and Merle (I also hated Andrea) that'd make a pretty cool fanfiction! I hope you enjoyed this chapter!)
(PoisonGlass73: Thanks!)
(Guest 1/Kyr: Oooh, I did not think of that! I'll see if I can work that into the summery! Thanks for the review!)
(Guest 2/michie fan: Awww! Thank you!)
(Guest 3: Thank you so much for the compliment! I'm glad that people are reacting well to saving Andre, his death, as well as Sophia's, really bugged me. Sorry, but I won't be saving my favorite Peletier in this fic. That would be really out there for this fic, besides I can see some tension between Carol and Esme brewing simply because Carol couldn't keep her 12 year old daughter alive while Esme has five little ones...)
(celia azul: Thank You! Honestly, I felt so bad for Beth, she was turned into a teenage mom, but at least she got more screen time because of Judith... Andre is an adorable addition to Esme's kids (patten pending), Daryl is in the next chapter!)
(Guest 4: Wah! Thank you!)
(wolfviking: Aww, thanks!)
(Merry Limp: Esme is definitely overwhelmed! Wow, that was an awesome story idea! I hope you decide to put it down on paper, because I would LOVE to read that! And yup, the town was evacuated, I mostly implied that in the first few chapters the rotters left behind were bit on that initial day. Oh and for the Pinterest page: I added the last part of the link to my profile you just have to put Pinterest dot com before it!)
(hossfan: Your welcome! I decided to take a little creative liberty in the winter during their first year. During 2012, the affects of global warming really started impacting the weather so a particularly harsh winter was in order! Thanks for reviewing!)
(Guest CSM: Hahaha! Hope you enjoyed this chapter, your gonna freak during the next one!)
(Thornewood: LOL! That was not my intention. I don't know if you know the kid's song that goes: 'Inside voice quiet! Outside voice big and loud!'But that was what it was based off. Not going to lie your review made me laugh.)
(CullenMia: You're definitely right: Knowledge is power. Esme is going to be making waves in this universe.)
(hossfan: Hello again! The thrift store was a thrift/antique store... in the previous chapter, I answered the concerns you had for the authenticity of Esme's find.)