Chapter 17

4 months later

'Look I don't care if Millicent doesn't get her break…frankly I'm not the dickhead that forgot…' Nathan gritted out running his hand through his thick hair. 'Just get her to go back to the office and make copies or I swear to god I'll….' Nathan tossed the phone down on the couch angrily realising the person on the other line had cut him off.

'And this is how you spend your mornings off…' Peyton said crossing her arms across her chest as she glanced at Nathan who looked like he was about to blow a fuse.

Nathan rolled his eyes picking up his phone again as he typed away furiously on it. 'I may as well have gone in considering people can't do one fucking job I tell them to do.'

'I hope that's not my boyfriend you're talking about.' Peyton said quirking her eyebrow.

'That what you're calling him nowadays.' Nathan mumbled completely carelessly as he continued to type away on his phone.

Peyton just shook her head at him, Jake or Lucas weren't exaggerating by any means when they said Nathan's attitude had done a complete U-turn for the absolute worst.

'Isn't it about time you shacked up with him and stopped annoying me?' Nathan said then finally facing her.

'Oh but someone has to be all sunshine and rainbows…' Peyton quipped.

'I'm not in the mood Peyton.'

'When are you ever in the mood Nate?' Peyton sighed watching as he dropped to the couch. 'Look I know things have been well shit lately….' She reasoned. 'But this is Brooke and Lucas' day and please just can you revert to your factory settings of being an agreeable human being for a few hours?'

Nathan sighed as he ran his hands down his face. 'I just…I don't want to see her Peyton.' He mumbled semi-bitterly.

Peyton let out a small sigh as she dropped down to the couch beside him. 'You two are going to have to see each other sometime….besides isn't this like the longest time you've ever not spoke to each other…don't you want to change that?'

'I'm not the one that ran away.' Nathan quipped coldly as he hopped up from the couch refusing to get into this conversation.

Peyton sighed sadly as he stormed out of the room, leaning across the couch she picked up the picture he had left flat on the side table obviously hiding it. 'Oh you two…' She said with a shake of her head as she smiled at the picture of the two of them, it was a selfie Haley had taken right on this very couch. They looked so good it in together and so happy. It's funny how they'd always resembled a couple in their pictures. She left the picture standing up as it rightly should be before taking out her cell and dialling Haley's number.

XXXXX

'So I take it Peyton has as much confidence in you getting to this thing as I do?' Quinn teased as Haley said her goodbyes and dropped her phone into her bag.

'Funny.' Haley deadpanned. 'What did you think I was going to continue on down the motorway and somehow miss the exit to the airport.'

'It's what you do best baby sis.'

'I wish you and mom and everyone else would stop saying that, I've never run from a damn thing my whole life…' Quinn gave her a knowing look. 'Until now…' Haley added with a soft sigh.

'You run from yourself Haley, you can be in the same place your whole life and still be running.' Quinn said softly.

Silence fell between the girls for several minutes before Haley spoke up again. 'I never wanted to hurt him, me leaving it wasn't because I wanted to hurt him for that stupid lie…I just needed to get away.'

Quinn gave her sister a sad smile. 'When was the last time you two actually talked?'

'February..' Haley mumbled not entirely proud of that fact. And that conversation over the phone hadn't been entirely amicable. Nathan was angry with her decision to stay out of New York, she hadn't even come back for the rest of her stuff.

It was May now.

'That's long for you guys.'

'I know, the longest ever.' Haley said sadly. 'It's weird I'm like so excited to see him, I miss him but I'm also scared.'

'Because of what he said?' Quinn pondered.

'Because of what I didn't say.'

Quinn smiled knowingly. 'Well you can't stay in this state of limbo any longer, as much as I've loved having you here with me….I prefer spunky, fun Haley not whiny, love-sick worried Haley.'

'I am not whiny or love-sick.' Haley fired back.

'Haley your songs would give Shakespeare sonnets a run for their money, not that I don't think its great you're getting into your music again…it's just so dark and depressing.'

'Shut up.' Haley rattled out shoving her sister playfully. The girls giggled despite themselves.

'So let's go over how we're going to do this….' Quinn began then drumming her fingers against the steering wheel. 'Nathan is probably going to be a little stand-offish, probably on edge so just greet him normally say there are some things you'd like to say to him that you didn't want to say over the phone and give him a cute smile…'

Haley just shook her head at her sister. 'What if he's having none of it…'

'Well then he clearly doesn't remember who he is dealing with.' Quinn retorted. 'Haley you guys have been best friends you know better than anyone how to handle Nathan when he's not the most forthcoming….'

'Yea well I've never been on that side of the fence with him in my life…'

'Your also the first girl he has fell in love with so I'm pretty sure you've got some strong armour there…'

'I wish it was that easy..' Haley said.

'It is that easy sis….you bringing your ass all the way here to San Francisco just made it a whole lot more complicated.'

'I don't regret coming here, I just regret the way I did it.'

'So tell him exactly that, make sure he knows that you leaving was never about hurting him because of that stupid Stanford scenario….fyi I'm still going to grill mom about that when we're back in Tree Hill.'

'Trust me there's nothing you can say that mom hasn't heard already.' Haley said just as Quinn pulled in outside departures.

'You're going to be fine baby-sis and if you feel like copping out just throw on your shades trust me no one is going to know you.' Quin winked playfully.

Haley just fobbed her off playfully as she stepped out of the car. It was finally time to go to New York.

XXXXX

Nathan had managed to successfully keep his distance from Haley while they were having the meal which really wasn't much of a challenge considering he deliberately waited for her to sit down so he could sit out of her eyeline. It was childish he knew but her actions had been so it's not like he was going to feel bad for it.

He had gone past the stage of feeling annoyed and broken over it all, now he was just so tired of caring.

And it was as clear as day for how shit he had felt these past few weeks she didn't feel the same way at all.

Haley looked vibrant, she'd chopped her long blonde locks and was now sporting beachy brunette waves that only accentuated her beautiful brown eyes, the honey tan she had noticeably developed most likely from all the time spent at the beach created this alluring radiance. God she was so beautiful it physically hurt him. And it only pained him even more seeing her come back like this. And he hated her for that.

Well that wasn't true, he knew that. But the only way to fight off his love for her right now was to hate her, after all passion couldn't just go away but he sure could use a different outlet for it.

'Do you want some help with that?'

Despite himself he felt the goose bumps prickling his whole body at the sound of her voice and it only served to irritate him even more. He didn't want to be affected by her, not like this.

Haley stepped outside into the garden area at the back of the restaurant and halted as she noticed Nathan fiddling with the projector. They had just finished up having a lovely meal with a few close friends to celebrate Brooke and Lucas' engagement and they were all still sitting around drinking inside. She had vaguely being informed that they had planned an extra little surprise for them today. She smiled noticing the picture of them on the big screen from their fresher's party back in their first day of college; the day they all met Brooke.

Her eyes fell to Nathan then and she felt her heart rate increase. Her eyes had sought him out the moment she stepped into the restaurant earlier and boy did she get rewarded. He was wearing a three-quarter length navy shirt and grey slacks; his hair was much longer and styled unforgivingly sexily just how she liked it….god was he trying to torture her?

And she asked the first thing that came to mind noticing how he immediately tensed up from behind at her voice. And she hated that. Hated that she was the one to cause that reaction.

'Well I was wondering what our first words were going to be…' Nathan replied rather stoically as he stood up from where he was leaning down fixing wires by the projector.

'Well it was either that or I miss you…' Haley said softly as stood across from him, their eyes locked before they quickly glanced away.

'Well there's being enough lies between us don't you think..' Nathan said rather sarcastically as he continued busying himself on the laptop.

'I have missed you Nathan…'

'I like your hair…its different.' He interrupted her as he glanced her way again.

She felt her body responding the only way it knew how from his perusal, at this stage she wouldn't be surprised if he could actually hear her heart thudding in her chest. 'Thanks …Quinne convinced me, I needed a change.'

'Imagine that.' He mumbled to himself.

She caught his response but choose to let it slide knowing she had to pick her battles wisely. There was so much she needed to say to him, so much she wanted him to hear. Anything to make this better.

'How have you been?' She found herself asking regardless.

'Just peachy.' Nathan replied.

Haley expelled a small sigh. There were very few times in her life she'd seen Nathan put up the stone wall most of those occurrences being Dan and right now in comparison to those instances she felt he had it even higher with her. She was expecting his irritation, his disappointment, hell she deserved it. But she hadn't being expecting this; his spitefulness.

'I would ask how you are but you seem to be doing just fine.' He said then unable to keep the spitefulness out of his tone. 'Looks like you got your dream after all huh….moving to the west coast and getting away from this city, I mean you're practically glowing Haley…'

Haley felt the tears prickle her eyes, not so much at his words but his hostile tone. Is that what it looked like to him? She was glowing when her heart had been practically ripped apart, all of this, the hair, the tan, all a façade, a perfectly crafted façade much like so much of her life had been because she had been running from something and she knew what that was now. 'Nathan we need to talk….'

He scoffed at that. 'Let's face it if Lucas and Brooke weren't engaged right now you wouldn't even be here…'

'That's not true.'

He glared at her. 'Haley do you remember the last conversation we had?'

How could she forget?

'I asked you on the phone if you could just come back so we could talk and you told me you couldn't actually if I remember right you said you weren't coming back.' He seethed at her.

'It was too fresh..'

'Too fresh?' Nathan scoffed as if that was the most ridiculous statement in the world. 'Oh because delaying it like you have is so much easier.'

'I'm here now and I want to make things right…'

He chuckled jeeringly at that. 'Yea on your terms well guess what I don't care anymore.'

'Your lyi…' Haley began.

'Eh guys….' Peyton stepped out interrupting them grimacing as she noticed their conversation getting heated. 'Is the slideshow ready to go? We're going to get everyone to move out.'

Nathan just nodded silently running his hand across is forehead as he turned away from both of them. Peyton sent Haley a sad smile as she left Nathan there and came back in towards the bar.

'You ok girlie? His default setting has been hostile for the last number of weeks.' Peyton said as they walked over to the bar.

'He's hurting.' Haley said as she glanced back at him longingly. 'It's all my fault…'

'Hey….hey…..we made a rule today no crying and it was Brooke that made that rule remember because she doesn't want her make up ruined' Peyton said elbowing her. 'Or else we have to do a shot of sambuca.'

'I didn't hear about shots.'

'A shot for every tear.'

'Well in that case I won't be walking out of here.'

Peyton smiled at her as she draped her hand over her shoulder. 'Come on I want to see Brooke try and not cry as she watches this slideshow.'

XXXXX

'Hey….' Luke acknowledged Haley with a smile as he came up to her.

'Oh and to what do I owe this honour?' Haley teased him.

He chuckled at her. 'What can I say I am kind of popular tonight?'

Haley smiled. 'I am so happy for you Luke; I have to say I wasn't expecting it just yet but I always had a feeling with you two.'

'I wasn't expecting it myself it just felt right you know? I do have to pick a fight with you though over some of them pictures that made the slideshow.'

Haley giggled at that. 'They were some of your best moments.'

'I knew the moment it started playing that you had a part to play in all of this.'

'Yea even halfway across the country I manage to ridicule you Luke.' Haley teased.

'We've missed you.'

'He tell you what happened?' Haley said feeling rather pathetic that she couldn't even say his name.

Lucas just nodded. 'yea but if you're waiting for judgement you're not going to hear it from me, you two will work it out.'

'You might just be the first person not to judge me for going…'

'What matters is how you judge yourself.' Luke said easily.

'I guess.' Haley said softly.

'So are you staying…' Lucas question was interrupted by a loud rumpus at the bar where Haley glanced wide-eyed to see Nathan leaning across and grabbing the guy.

'Oh shit…'

'Get out of here…' The large bulky security guy latched onto Nathan pulling him back.

'What the hell man? He's the one not doing his fucking job and getting me what I ordered.'

'You've had more than enough…'

'Screw you…'

'Nate stop….' Lucas said then as came upon the scene.

'You with him?'

'Well yea…' Lucas began as the man interrupted them.

'Well he's leaving…'

'I'll go….' Haley said and Lucas looked at her as though now really wasn't a good time. Haley gave him a knowing glance back and he conceded. 'Ok just get him into a cab.'

Haley bundled Nathan into the back of the cab as she went in behind him, he didn't seem to register any kind of emotion to her being here with him, he just seemed so careless towards it all. 'Is your head hurt?' Haley wondered as he ran his hand up his face muttering inexplicitly to himself.

'It all hurts.' Nathan mumbled as he turned away from her looking out the window.

Haley sighed to herself feeling those walls around him raise higher with each passing second. How could she get past them, they seemed impenetrable at this stage? Maybe he needed to feel her, she knew it was shallow but maybe if she could just get through to him that way first in the hope she's somehow reach him emotionally as well.

Haley reached her hand across then leaving it against his thigh, he jolted from her unexpected touch and she softly scraped her nails against him in a soothing manner hoping somehow it was getting to him the way it was her.

Nathan bit his lip as felt her hands raking against his thigh, it was an innocent move really but god did it have him wanting to rip that little sundress right off her and take her right there in the backseat, have her screaming out for him.

It had been so long since they were together in that way. And seen as it started out as sex without anything else he longed to go back to that kind of sex without his stupid heart involved. He just wanted to take her so roughly that she'd be begging for more, he wanted to leave her wanting just like she had left him; desperately yearning.

Haley felt Nathan grip her hand tightly, her heart sinking a little in her chest as he pushed it away from him. Hesitantly she met his glare then, finding herself getting lost in those intense eyes; eyes she had always been completely captivated by but more so now than ever. 'Natha…' She began only he cut her off as he leaned into her backing her against the door of the cab, his tongue was everywhere in her mouth completely ravaging her, his kisses were angry and dominating and had her whole body burning up and shivering all at once.

She felt their taxi coming to a halt but he didn't let up even as he reached across to open the door from behind her his lips latched onto her neck sucking and biting, marking every inch of her. They fumbled out of the taxi, Haley gasped as he hoisted her up and she felt herself pressing right down on his hard cock through their clothes, she gyrated against him in an attempt to ease the longing ache in her tummy and revelled in the erotic groans coming from him at her actions. They made their way to their floor, her rubbing up against him the whole time as he ravaged her neck, she was pretty sure it was going to be destroyed in the morning but she didn't care.

'Back pocket…' Nathan barely got out as he lifted his mouth off her neck and breathed against her, his heated breath fanning out deliciously across her shoulder. She felt him push his member up against her and she moaned loudly. 'Fuck…Nathan…' Haley said as she fumbled to put the keys in the door. She whimpered then as she felt his hand slip under her dress and straight inside her panties without any hesitation. 'Nathan…..' She gasped as he began to build up a tortuous rhythm against her clit…'Oh god.' She cried out completely oblivious to the fact they were still in their hallway.

The door finally opened as Nathan kept his slow pace working her over walking them backwards towards his room. He threw her down on the bed yanking her dress up as his hand kept its slow tortuous rhythm, he revelled in the way her boy responded to him, back arching, legs stretching, bellowing out his name in breathless gasps. He could feel her so close and somehow he managed to pull away.

Haley whimpered feeling the loss of his fingers, she glanced down at him through hooded eyes.

He caught the look on her face and it only served to turn him on more, she was curious at first and then she seemed angry as though she'd caught on to what he was doing. Nathan climbed back up her body slowly kissing every inch of her, nipping, sucking and biting driving her absolutely wild. He felt her try and rub her legs together for much needed friction but he separated them even more gliding his fingers along the wet juices flowing from her. She whimpered loudly at this actions.

'You know how many nights I spent here alone just needing you…' His words were cold and yet somehow amongst the flaming heat of his body against hers it provided a delicious contrast which only aroused her further.

'I know….' Haley whimpered; she had felt the same.

'No you don't because you never came back.' Nathan whispered in her ear as his hand danced so delicately beside where she needed him to be, she was on the brink of orgasm when he pulled away from her and her body was literally going crazy from him.

'Nathan please….' Haley whimpered as she tried to push herself down on his hand but he pulled away and she cried out.

'What do you want baby?' He said huskily as he kissed along her jawline, his stubble grazing deliciously against her cheek.

'You….I want you…I need you..' She whispered back as she grabbed his hand brining it down alongside hers to rub over her clit; their two hands together in motion.

'Fuck…' Nathan said as he pulled back a little and glanced down watching their hands. Haley let go then as he built up rapid pace watching as her whole body surrendered to him in a matter of seconds, her back arched off the bed so erotically as she shuddered and panted his name between breaths.

Haley gasped just coming down from orgasm when she felt him move his thick cock inside of her, he didn't wait, he was relentless pounding into her, both of them crying out into the hollow apartment, her legs wrapped around his pushing his girth deep inside of her. Their bodies tangled together, slick with sweat, their lips finally met again in a deep, frantic kisses as they build towards their climax and in the end it all felt incredibly destructible.

Nathan pulled out from her immediately panting harshly as he rested his head above her shoulder. As the euphoric, pleasurable heights escaped his body all he was left feeling was even emptier than before. How ironic he figured that the very thing he had proposed, sex without any feelings or complications now had him feeling this way.

He was madly in love with her and sleeping with her like that, in that way didn't make him feel any more in control. He thought that by having her wanting, yearning and begging for it that he'd feel less like the idiot completely consumed by his need for her but now he just felt completely unfulfilled again.

'What are you thinking about?' Haley said softly as she ran her hand up his slick back and through his hair. He was clinging to her, she wasn't sure if he even realised but maybe, just maybe being with him like this was as she had hoped a way to break through the impenetrable wall he had placed around his heart.

Her voice broke him out of his thoughts, her voice so soothing and so Haley….it startled him how easy it would be to give into her and hold her for the night. But he couldn't do that. He'd already given so much of himself to her and she didn't want it.

Haley felt Nathan pull away from her rather abruptly and her heart dropped for a second time that night. She watched as he hopped off the bed throwing on a pair of boxers and a grey t-shirt He went to grab a pillow.

'What are you doing?' Her question came out rather panicked. as she sat up holding the sheet around her naked frame.

'You take the bed I'm going to the couch; I would say you could take the spare room but Peyton has shit everywhere.'

She grimaced at him overtly calling what was her room the spare room now. 'Nathan…' She called him just as he got to the door. 'Don't go….' She whispered vulnerably and he stood there for a second before catching her gaze with a knowing look on his face before he left her.

Of course he was going to leave, she had left after all.

Haley sunk back in his bed relishing that smell so inherently Nathan that consumed her. God she had missed his scent. This wasn't right, it didn't feel right lying in his bed like this. Sighing Haley pulled the sheet back as she hopped out of his bed throwing his shirt around her frame as she walked out to their living room. He was lying back flat on the couch with his hands behind his head. He didn't acknowledge her just stayed staring at the ceiling.

'Nathan…' Haley whispered softly as she fumbled with her hands nervously.

He took a chance glancing at her and that was a mistake, she was standing there in his shirt post sex. Oh fuck, someone has got to be punishing me.

'What do you want Haley?' He mumbled into the dark.

'You.' She replied easily. 'Nathan please….'

'Please what Haley?' He interrupted her harshly.

'Just don't do this….shut me out or whatever this is…'

Nathan just scoffed at that shaking his head at her words. 'I told you I was in love with you and you kicked me out Haley. I didn't shut you out.'

'Yea after I found out you lied to me for years.' Haley said watching as he pulled himself up into a sitting position on the couch with fire in his eyes at her words.

'And the one time I was purely honest with you….you ran away..' He spat back harshly at her.

'That's not fair.' Haley retorted.

'You wanna talk about fair Haley….what's not fair is fucking off to San Francisco and then getting a phone call to say you're not ever coming back here…you didn't even have the guts to do that in person!'

'I couldn't I'm sorry…'

'You know all day before I saw you I was thinking of all the things I could say to hurt you like the way you've hurt me..'

'I am hurting Nathan.' Haley said sadly. 'I know you think I don't feel the same way about you…'

'Don't.' Nathan cut her off not wanting to hear it, he didn't want to hear her say she loved him just because he said it first when it was very clear to him that she didn't. 'Ever hear the term actions speak louder than words…'

'You're really going to hold me leaving against me when you told a lie for 4 years and expected me to just get over it the night I found out…'

'I didn't expect you to just get over it but I expected you to stay so that we could figure it out…together.'

'I had to get away…it wasn't just from you Nathan, from all of it…my family, the lies..'

'Yea the lie that you told for that stupid wedding' He couldn't help but retort bitterly.

'I know…' Haley whispered brokenly. 'I wish I hadn't…'

''Hadn't what?' Nathan interrupted her and she glanced up surprised at the cutting tone of his voice. 'Hadn't of got me to come over there and do that for you…..none of this would have happened then….I wouldn't have fallen in love with you right?'

'Nathan I didn't meant it like that…' Haley began as she left the doorway going over towards the couch, she tried to climb into his arms but he pushed her away as he stood up angrily. 'Of course you mean it like that because you never said it back Haley.'

His words had her closing her tear-stained eyes before she opened them again watching as he stood breathing heavily looking out their bayview window at the city below them.

'Nathan…I'

'No…' He interrupted her as he turned around and she could see the moisture pooling in his eyes, a devastating mirror image of her own. 'I think you should go.' He said repeating the very same words she had said to him that night.

He turned away from her again as the unpleasant silence practically screamed from their apartment walls, its agony telling them both that this, whatever it was, was in fact over.

He practically shuddered feeling her soft hand come up to graze his stubbled cheek as she left a soft, lingering kiss there. 'I've always loved you.' Haley whispered softly kissing him again before she pulled away from him completely.

Haley went back into his bedroom tossing off his shirt as she found her clothes and began placing them on herself rather slowly…hoping, just hoping he would run after her and they could make this alright. But she heard no movement and she realised that perhaps her actions had broken him more than she ever thought they could.

She had been selfish leaving the way she did just like he had been selfish when he kept her here all those years ago. But his selfishness was to keep her with him whereas her own has pushed him away and she wondered if he could see that now as an act of dismissal, that she didn't love him at all or need him when it was in fact the opposite. She had been running from herself, from the truth for a very long time maybe ever since that moment they shared in his car two weeks after Karen had passed away.

But she was done with running. And maybe Nathan didn't want her here right now maybe his wall was too damn high for her to get around his heart right now but she would do her best to break it.

She had years of friendship on her side, their friendship and at time she knew him better than he knew himself.

If anyone was able to break through his guarded pretence it would be her.