Dreams and Happy Places
Chapter 16
Heart racing, Palms sweeting. Caroline taped her foot in a fit of impenitentness she sat in the cold, hard waiting room chair wanting nothing more than to hear an update on her sister Lexi. After what Caroline had witnessed, she had to make sure Lexi was okay. How the hell had she let this happen? How the hell had she forgotten to check in on her own sister? Maybe if she wasn't so busy with her own minuscule problems, she would have seen the signs before Lexi had overdosed in the first place. Maybe she wouldn't be in this hospital waiting room with the room feeling as if it were suffocating her little by little. She hated hospitals. She hadn't been to this one since her father's death.
Hospitals. The stench of death in her nostrils. The taste of smoke in her lungs as she chocked to get it out. Her father dead. Lifeless. Rushed to the hospital. His flesh burned from being consumed by the explosion of fire. Her mother retching in tears as she held Caroline close refusing to ever let her go. But Lexi. What about Lexi? Who had hugged her after their father's death? Who had made sure that she was breaking slowly inside like Caroline was? Lexi. With the needle in her arm. Lexi, who was covered in scars that neither Caroline nor Liz noticed. Lexi who was now fighting for her life like her dad had tried to. Needles. Lexi dying on the floor, covered in her own vomit as Caroline sat there holding her useless. Always useless when others needed her. Why the hell was she such an awful, selfish person. She couldn't take this anymore. She had to do something, anything to keep herself busy. Sitting there looking like a fidgeting mess was helping anything or anybody. She had to be useful.
Standing up, Caroline paced the floor trying to calm down so she wouldn't do more harm than good as Elena observed her carefully trying her best to not make it worse. She wished it was just Elena seeing her at her worst. At least Elena was used to it. But instead Caroline was surrounded by Klaus, Stefan, Elena, Damon, and surprisingly Elijah. Katherine had opted to stay at the house, and she didn't blame her. This was heavy shit and Katherine and Caroline had never been that close.
The doors to the waiting room opened as Elizabeth Forbes emerged through them, her face showing every single emotion as she moved towards Caroline a look of determination coursing through her. Shit. She was in so much trouble. Not that she didn't deserve her mother's wrath at this point.
"Mom- "but before Caroline could explain to Liz what had happened, she had put a hand up to silence her not wanting to hear what had happened before they had called the hospital.
"Don't. How could you be so irresponsible? I trusted you to watch your sister and now she's lying in a hospital bed because of you. You should be ashamed of yourself. How could I ever trust you again after all you've put me through these past couple of years?"
"Mrs. Forbes, You know that's not fair. it wasn't Caroline's fault that Lexi overdosed. She can't watch her twenty-four seven and it wasn't like she shoved those drugs down Lexi's throat either. You have to make Lexi accountable for her actions too not just Caroline." Stefan answered stepping up next to Caroline as her mother turned her full attention to him more pissed than she had been before. Why couldn't Stefan just do them all a favor and shut the fuck up when he knew this wasn't his place?
"I'm aware of that Stefan, but Caroline is Lexi's sister. She should be looking out for her instead of being so selfish and self-centered. How did Lexi get the drugs in the first place? Why didn't Caroline see her go towards the room where it happened? And how do you have the nerve to sit here and question me on my reaction when it was your party that my daughter overdosed at? I have half a mind to call your parents and tell them they need to keep a better eye on you. Separated or not that is no reason to neglect your own children."
Anger boiled through Caroline as she felt her jaw clenching. It was one thing to blame her for her sister's overdose, but it was another thing to bring up Stefan's parents' separation when all he was trying to do was defend her. Well, enough was enough. It was finally time Caroline gave her mother a piece of her mind once and for all.
"You have some nerve commenting on anyone's parenting style. "
"Excuse me."
"Have you ever thought that maybe Lexi wouldn't be lying in a hospital bed if you tried to be a better mother for once? I mean you're hardly ever home and when you are home all you do is nag us about every possible thing that you can or bringing home your stupid, ass boyfriend that you care about so much more than you do us. Did you ever once consider catching up with us, so you could figure out what was happening with us. No, because ever since dad died you have been nothing but a shitty ass mom, and everyone can see it except you. How tragic is that?"
"We are not having this conversation here Caroline Elizabeth Forbes. Right now, your sister's condition is my focus not your ill-mannered temper tantrum about things that are irrelevant. Now if you don't excuse me, I'm going to check up on your sister and we'll continue with this conversation later." Her mother warned as she moved passed Caroline and Stefan as Stefan stood there, mouth agape.
"Caroline I- "
This time Caroline held up her hand to silence him. The last thing she wanted was Stefan of all people to comfort her after what had just happened. What she really needed right now was Klaus, but unfortunately, she couldn't see him or Elijah anywhere. Where had they gone? Did they run for cover when they had seen her mother enter the hospital?
"Please Stefan don't. You've done enough. Thanks for trying anyway." she struggled to get out through the tears as Elena came up to them touching Stefan's shoulder silently letting him know that she had this as he nodded giving Caroline one last hug before he went back to his chair to wait with everyone else.
"Are you okay? I heard everything and what your mother said sounded harsh. I'm sorry you had to go through that."
"Between Lexi's condition and my mother blaming me for her overdose, I think it's safe to say that, no, I'm not okay, but I appreciate you being there for me."
"She's just upset Care. I'm sure she didn't mean the things she said to you."
"Elena, I've been around my mother long enough to know that she means everything she says even when she's this angry. So please don't try to convince me otherwise."
"I won't try to convince you of anything Care, but let's go get some coffee and food, you look like you need it right now."
"Alright." She said following Elena to the cafeteria not knowing what life had in store for her next.
"Do you think hospital food is as bad as they claim it is?" Elena asked as Caroline shrugged knowing the exact answer to Elena's question, but not willing to answer it. She didn't really feel like talking to anyone right now, all she wanted to do was be alone and blame herself for everything that had gone wrong. Unfortunately, Elena was not going to let her do that, like any good friend would. Had Caroline been wrong about her after all?
"You have to tell her." A voice commanded. The carrier sounding oh so familiar.
"Is that Elijah?" Elena asked as recognition finally overcame Caroline. That was why the voice had sounded familiar, but who was he talking to?
"Don't you think I know that Elijah? I know that eventually I'll have to tell her about everything that happened in my past, but I don't think I'm ready to take that step with her at least not yet." A voice that she knew all too well said as her heart sank further. This was it. The thing he had been keeping from her. She knew it was wrong to eavesdrop on their conversation, but she had to know what he was keeping from her. After all she had been through, she deserved to know at least that.
"Is that- "Elena started.
"Klaus." She answered silencing Elena with her response.
"How long do you expect to keep this secret from her Klaus, she deserves to know the truth and you should be the one to tell her not anybody else before it's too late."
"What if I tell her and she hates me for it?"
"Then that's a risk you're going to have to be willing to take Klaus. She's already going to have a tough time dealing with her sister's addiction without having to worry about if you're going to relapse from yours. She deserves better than that and if you're not going to tell her than I will, so you better tell her, and you better tell her fast before you lose the one good thing that you've had in a while.
Dread filled Caroline's stomach as she turned over Klaus and Elijah's conversation repeatedly in her mind. Klaus. An addict. Was it true? And if he was a former addict, how come she never noticed the signs. Had he hidden them from her this whole time? Or had she been that oblivious? One thing was for sure, she had to find out. It was time that all their secrets were out in the open. No more secrets and no more lies. Enough was enough.
Despite Elena's attempt to pull her back, Caroline stepped out of the shadows and into Klaus and Elijah's line of vision where they looked at her mouths agape as Klaus's face turned stark white realizing that the secret he had been keeping from her for so long had finally been let out in the open. And now he had a lot of explaining to do.
"I think I'm ready to hear the truth now." She said sternly as Klaus and Elijah looked at each other as if having a silent conversation. No. There was no hiding the truth now. No deflecting it. He had to tell her or risk losing her forever.
"I'll leave you two alone to talk." Elijah replied as Elena squeezed her shoulder reassuringly before leaving with Elijah and leaving Klaus and Caroline alone.
"Caroline- "
"When were you going to tell me?"
"I don't know. I've tried telling you, so many times, but it never seemed to be the right time."
"So, when would be the right time? When you potentially relapse or when your ex shows up at your doorstep and tells me everything that you've been keeping from me? But you can save us all a lot of time and trouble by just telling me the truth now. Or are you just going to sit there and lie to my face yet again?"
"It's a long story."
"I have nothing but time. So, please tell me the truth before it blows up in your face."
"I haven't been completely honest with you."
"I figured, please continue."
"Hayley wasn't the only one addicted to drugs Caroline. After we met, I went down a slippery slope. One that I couldn't escape from no matter how hard I try. Hayley introduced me to her friends, who introduced me to drugs and from the very first moment they touched my lips, I was addicted. And throughout Hayley's pregnancy, we were high as kites having the time of our lives with very little remorse about what it would do to our daughter. Some nights I would feel guilty for it, but some nights I didn't feel anything at all and when that nagging feeling just became too much for me, I turned to the needle yet again to tune them out. It was selfish and irresponsible, but back then I didn't care for anything or anybody until I had one of the worst experiences of my life."
"Hayley's overdose."
Klaus nodded affirming her suspicions as she exhaled not wanting to believe what she was hearing, but knowing she had no choice but to listen to what Klaus was trying to tell her. She knew no matter how hard this was for her to hear that it was more difficult for him to share this story with her. She just had to be willing to listen.
"I know you told me this story before, but that was when you were hiding this from me instead of telling me the whole truth. You can tell me now; I'll try to keep an open mind."
"Are you sure? This story won't be easy to hear."
"It's an important story for you to tell and I would be even more of a bitch if I didn't let you share with me the ugly side of your past, so please tell me what's going on."
"Alright, the day started out like any other- "
Running his hands through her silky brown hair, Klaus kissed Hayley's temple as she snuggled up next to him wanting nothing more than to soak up her time with Klaus before their high wore off and reality crashed around them. These times were always the best. When it was just the two of them and nothing in the world could touch them. This was the time they felt infinite, on top of the world, that was until Hope's loud pitch wail brought them down to earth making Hayley grown in annoyance as Klaus untangled from her to go check what Hope needed now.
"God, I wish she would just shut up for once." Hayley replied sending an annoyed look over to Hope as Klaus picked her up feeling like his flesh was burning when he picked her up. Shit. This couldn't be happening. Not now when they were almost out of their supply. The last thing he wanted to deal with was a fussy and sick baby on top of everything else.
"She's burning up. Where that damn thermometer?" he sighed placing Hope back in her crib as Hayley shrugged utterly useless when it came to these sort of things. Some mother she was.
"Check in her baby bag." Hayley replied as her phone chimed signaling an incoming message that she seemed to care more about then her own daughter being sick.
Going to the other side of the room, Klaus rummaged through Hope's bag until he found the thermometer and took Hope's temperature. Shit. It was one hundred and two degrees. There was nothing worse than a sick baby. Well, instead of one of his downers. That always sucked as well.
"She's running a fever Hales. We need to give her something for it."
"Of course, she is. We don't have medicine for her here, so you're going to have to make a run to the store to go get her some."
"Fine." He said grabbing his jacket and putting it on ready to go out before Hayley called to him.
"What's up?"
"Ugh Markos just texted he got a new shipment in and he'll cut us a deal for some if you come by tonight and give him what he wants."
"I have to get Hope's medicine."
"She'll be fine for a couple of hours. You know Markos he never makes a deal twice. Do you really want to miss out on that?"
"I'll stop by. See what shit he's trying to sell us."
"Thanks baby." Hayley smiled as Klaus gave her a goodbye kiss before walking out the door.
"Mikaelson, it's been a while since I've seen you, how have you been?" Markos answered grinning from ear to ear as soon as Klaus had showed up at his doorstep.
"Markos! Who's' at the door?" a voice asked making Klaus want to instantly roll his eyes. Of course, Peyton had to be there. He was hoping on making this a short visit, but now with Peyton there she would want to chat for hours. Which was something he didn't feel like doing?
"It's Klaus!" he yelled back turning his attention back to Klaus. "Well don't just stand there looking all weird and shit. Come on in. There's plenty of shit to go around and if you're thirsty I have several different ways to quench your thirst."
Nodding, Klaus followed Markos inside as he looked towards the sofa setting his eyes on the most drop dead gorgeous women, he had ever laid eyes on. Sure Hayley had a killer body and on occasion she had the best personality, but this girl before him looked older, mature beyond her years with flaming red hair that reminded him of a sunset and green eyes that were so intense they seemed to bore into his soul. Who was this magnificent creature? And where had she come from?
"Why hello, I haven't met you before. What's your name?" she asked her luscious lips forming the words that enticed his soul.
"Klaus. And yours?"
"Aurora, but for all intents and purposes you can call me Aura."
"Well then it's nice to meet your acquaintance Aura."
"So, Klaus, how do you know Markos?"
"Are you really that vapid Aura? Obviously, I'm his dealer and he's here on official business. Him and his girlfriend are my best customers. They're always getting high and needing shit, so they make for good business."
"Doesn't mean that he's all business. I bet he likes pleasure as well." She added fixating on him with those eyes of her.
"Which is why he has a girlfriend Aura. Leave him be, he's obviously in a hurry to get out of here and get home."
"It's a shame you can't stay even if it's for a little while."
"Unfortunately having a sick baby makes it hard to enjoy my time anywhere else."
"You have baby?"
"Yes, My daughter. She's two months old."
"Aw. What's her name?"
"Hope."
"Gorgeous name. I bet with a father as gorgeous as you, she'll get all the boys when she's older."
"Well thankfully I won't have to worry about that for a very long time. So, what kind of stuff do you have today?" he asked turning his full attention to Markos. He was right after all. He was in a hurry.
"Depends what are you looking for? I have Hayley's stash in a bag right here, because she texted me what she wanted but I still have no clue what you want. So Mikaelson, what will it be? Pick your poison."
"Got any coke?"
"You know it. I'll even let you test it out right here if you want. Make it a real party."
"I don't think I should."
"Oh, come on Hayley does it all the time when she's over here. Why can't you have a little fun for once?"
"Well one of us has to be the responsible one and we know that's not going to be Hayley."
"That's for sure. You don't even know the half of it."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Oh, come on Klaus, you can't be that oblivious."
"Oblivious about what Markos? What aren't you telling me?"
"It's not my place to tell you what Hayley does when you're not around. You just must trust me that you need to let loose. Hayley hates it when you're so uptight."
"Well maybe I wouldn't be so uptight if she took care of the kid occasionally. Or god damn the least she could do is suck me off every now and then for a job well done."
"You think with all the dudes she sucks off for drugs she wouldn't mind doing it to her own baby daddy." Peyton replied getting a cold look from Markos as Klaus looked between the two of them. Even Aura had grown silent.
"What the hell do you mean by that?" he asked voice growing cold with each word he spoke.
"I'm sorry. I-I thought you knew. It's not like Hayley keeps it a secret."
"Well obviously she doesn't tell everyone. So, tell me Markos, has she ever sucked you off for the drugs you've given us?"
"Every now and then when she was out of money. But it didn't mean shit. She was just a mouth you know what I mean?"
"Yeah. I think I do." He replied as he punched Markos making both girls scream out in terror.
"Okay. I deserved that. Are we good now?"
"Depends, did you ever full on fuck her?"
"I'm going to be honest with you man, yeah I've fucked her along with a few other guys. She especially loves orgies when she's hanging with me and the other guys. Says it's thrilling for her."
"You son of a bitch."
"Don't blame the player, Blame the game."
"Why did you do it? You know how much she means to me."
"She might mean a lot to you Klaus, but you mean nothing to her."
"She's the mother of my child Markos. We're living together and raising Hope on our own. How can I mean nothing to her when she's willingly doing that?"
"Are you really that oblivious?"
"Stop fucking around with me and tell me what the hell is going on."
"She's living a lie Klaus. She doesn't love you, hell the openly reason she came onto you in the first place was because your brother was unavailable."
"What does any of this have to do with Elijah?"
"The only reason Hayley is still with you is because she's hoping to get closer to Elijah. The only reason she still pretends to give a shit is because she's hoping to be with Elijah one day and she can't do that if you're not in the picture."
"Elijah would never go for that."
"Are you sure he already hasn't?"
"What do you know?"
"I know that Elijah spends all his free time around Hope and Hayley."
"He's watching Hope for me while I'm at work."
"Yeah and fucking her behind you back. Hayley tells me all about it when you're not around."
"Why would he do this to me? Why would they do this to me?"
"Because they love each other and you're just in the way."
"Why should I believe you?"
"Do I have any reason to lie?"
"No." he answered collapsing onto the couch as Peyton and Aurora rubbed his shoulder.
"Sorry Klaus, I don't know what to say. Hayley is a fucking bitch and all she does is use people. I'm sorry you had to be apart of that equation to get to her overall plan."
"Do me a favor and give me the fucking coke man. Hope and that fucking cunt can wait for me to get back home."
"I'll do you one better. Hey Aura, let Klaus do a line from your stomach." He said handing her the baggie.
"With pleasure." She smiled pulling up her shirt to reveal a sexy white lace bra as she laid down on the couch, Peyton giving her room and sitting on Markos's lap as he handed Klaus a dollar which he rolled up. Just like he usually did when he was here.
Making a line on her stomach, Klaus snorted the coke giving him a rush as Aurora smiled back at him.
"I have a way to get back that bitch of yours." She giggled placing her hands on her shoulders and underneath her bra straps tempting him to do more than just a line of coke offs her.
"And what would that be?"
"Put that bitch in her place. Have sex with me and show her how the fuck it feels to be stepped out on."
"She wouldn't believe me if I told her."
"Then have Markos record us. He'll be more than willing to do it. He owes you one after all."
"I mean it would be great to see the look on her face."
"Awesome. Here give Marko your phone and we'll give her a show."
"Sounds like a plan." He said smashing his lips to hers as they devoured each other damning the consequences as each passing moment went by. Fuck Hayley. Fuck Elijah. This was his own personal heaven. And he never wanted to come down.
"Do you have to go?" Aurora frowned slightly as she leaned against Markos's door frame twirling a strand of her red hair as Klaus shoved the plastic baggies and his phone in his pocket as he gave her one last kiss knowing for sure that this was only a one-time thing.
The only reason he had slept with her in the first place was to get back at Hayley and now that she had seen the video Klaus was for sure going to end things tonight throwing that stupid bitch to the curve and taking his daughter far, far away from her. Hope deserved better. He deserved better. He just had to figure out how to achieve this better place.
"I have to get back to my kid. God knows her mother is a fuck up and doesn't know what she's doing."
"Well hopefully she finds a better mother soon. You have my number now. Don't hesitate to call. Anytime."
"I'll keep that in mind. Thanks Aura."
"Anytime." She smiled closing the door as Klaus made his way back home ready to confront Hayley and wake up from this nightmare he had been living in all along.
"Where have you been?" a voice said from his front porch startling him as he looked up to see Elijah. Great. Just the person he wanted to see.
"What the fuck are you doing here?"
"Hayley texted me, she said she needed me to watch Hope while she took care of something. She says you were ion a world full of trouble and she had to help you out. What the fuck did you do Klaus? You had her so worried."
"Well obviously I'm alright and I'm here now so you can fucking go home. No one wants you here."
"Hayley wants me here."
"She's a fucking liar Elijah, you shouldn't believe everything she says just because you're boning her."
Elijah's face turned a stark white as he swallowed knowing her had been caught. Fuck him. Fuck both.
"Do yourself a favor and go home Elijah, Hayley will be over in a minute after I dump her ass. I'll make it easy for the both of you, so we can all just move on."
"I just have one question first."
"Shouldn't I be the one asking questions? After all you are sleeping with my baby mama."
"What kind of drugs are you high on? Meth? Crack? I know you've been using so you might as well tell me what you're on before you even think about stepping foot into that house with your daughter inside."
"She's already inside with an addict Elijah, at least with me she's not in danger."
"Hayley loves Hope, Klaus. She would never put her in danger."
"Really? Who do you think sent me out to get these drugs in the first place?"
"No. You're lying. Hayley would never bring that shit around Hope."
"Obviously you don't know her as well as you think you do." He answered putting his key into the door as Elijah slammed him into it.
"How could you be so reckless? How could you put Hope into this situation? She could die Klaus. Did that ever cross your fucking mind?"
"Chill the fuck out Elijah, Hope is fine. Hayley is fine. We're all fine. Just do yourself a favor and go back to being oblivious just like you always are."
"Open the fucking door Klaus. We'll continue this discussion inside like proper adults."
"Fuck it. Why not? You're not going anywhere until your satisfied anyway."
Opening the door, Klaus heard Hope's high-pitched wait echo throughout the room as he rolled his eyes. Of course, Hayley wouldn't do anything right as him and Elijah stepped through the forayer entering the apartment and following Hope's wails to her room as Klaus screamed at the horrible sight.
Hayley was on the floor, vomit spewed across the room as she convulsed on the floor while Hope's cried echoed through the room in sheer terror. Fuck. What the hell had she done?
"Shit. Hayley! God fucking dammit! What the hell did you do? Elijah! Call an ambulance! Dammit Hayley! Don't do this to me! Don't do this to Hope! Fight dammit! Fight!" Klaus yelled as he held onto Hayley for dear life praying to God that she would be alright, because he didn't know what he would do if she wasn't.
Placing his head in his hands, Klaus taped his foot feeling like he was coming down as Elijah held onto Hope who was now sleeping after the doctor's had examined her and gave her something for her fever. A fever Klaus had forgotten she was fighting off until they came here. How the fuck had he been so selfish? Now Hayley was suffering the consequences.
"You can't keep doing this Klaus." Elijah commented breaking the silence for the first time in hours.
"Doing what exactly?"
"The drugs and the partying and the neglecting your responsibilities. I won't allow it. Either you and Hayley get clean or you'll both suffer the consequences."
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"
"It means either you and Hayley get clean or I'll call CPS and you'll never see Hope again."
"Are you threatening me with my child?"
"Yes, because the last thing I want is for Hope to see either one of you in a body bag. Am I making myself perfectly clear?"
"Yeah. I think you are."
"Then do your daughter a favor and get clean, because I'm tired of you not giving a shit. Now take care of your daughter. She needs you just as much as you need her." Elijah said placing Hope in Klaus's arms as the tears flowed and his heart shattered as he held his life in his hands pressing her close and promising never to disappoint her again.
"Caroline please say something." Klaus pleaded bringing Caroline back to the present with tears streaming down her face. This was too much, too much for her to handle. She had to get out of here. She had to get away from him as soon as possible. She thought she had known him turns out she had no real clue.
Looking away from Klaus and wiping away the tears from her face she inhaled knowing she had to get these words out, but not sure how to do it while her heart was breaking. How could she do this when the person she thought she had feelings for was right in front of her. That's what she thought before he touched her. How dare he? How dare he try to comfort her when he was the reason for her pain.
"What am I supposed to say Klaus? All this time you've been lying to me about who you are and what happened to Hayley. How could you paint her out to be the bad guy of this story when she was struggling with the exact thing that you're struggling with. Kind of hypocritical if you ask me."
"You said that you would listen."
"And I did, but that doesn't excuse the fact that you've been lying to me for months. Why did you feel the need to keep something so huge from me?"
"Because I felt that you wouldn't see the real me if I told you the full truth."
"So, you thought lying would help your case instead?"
"No. I just didn't want you to write me off because of my past. I didn't want you off because of yours. Juts please give me a chance Caroline. I don't want this to end just because we can't communicate."
"Do you really think that my problems are equivalent to yours? Seriously. I didn't choose what happened to me. You took the drugs and you pout everyone you cared about in danger. So, don't you dare say that they're the same thing, because I can assure you, they're not."
"Addiction is a sickness Caroline just like everything else. Do you really think that I'm, the bad guy just because I made a few shitty choices?"
"Choices that almost killed Hayley. Choices that made you lie to and betray people you care about even me. How can we have a real relationship when I can't even trust you to be honest with me?"
"What are you trying to say?"
"That I think us taking a break is exactly what we both need right now. You need time to learn how to be honest with yourself and others and I need time to concentrate on Lexi, because her recovery is not going to be easy for any of us and your brother was right I can't be worried about you while worrying about her. I'm afraid that if you're around an addict that you may relapse and I don't want that for you or for her, so yes it may be irrational, but I think we should go our separate ways. Because being away from you sounds like the only rational decision I've made in a while and I won't put my sister at risk to appease some fantasy of the perfect guy in my mind. I need you to respect that and stay as far away from me as you possibly can before this relationship ends up hurting us both."
"Is this what you really want?"
"For now. I think it's the best option. For both of us."
"Then I have no choice but to respect your wishes. I really am sorry Caroline. I never wanted any of this to happen. I just hope one day you could eventually forgive me, and we can try again."
"I can't think about that right now. Please just leave me be. I can't stand to look at you right now."
"I understand." He replied as he gave her a kiss on the cheek leaving her alone to her thoughts.
When she was for sure that he was out of earshot and sight she finally let herself feel everything. Getting up she walked to the wall gasping and letting it all out as she clasped her hands over her face feeling it consumed by her tears before her legs gave way under her and she crashed to the floor feeling nothing but everything at the same time in as fit of utter rage and frustration.
Before she knew it, time had passed, and footsteps echoed on the tile floor as she looked up through her tear-filled eyes to see Elena look at her with such sorrow in her eyes. Nodding, Elena sat down on the floor beside Caroline pulling her into a hug telling her that it was okay to fall apart as she did just that finally letting every emotion, she could consume her until she couldn't feel anything anymore.
"Here, drink this I figured you could use it." Damon replied handing Caroline a coffee as she gave him a silent thanks before consuming it let the warmth flow through her as she waited for more information.
"Caroline Forbes. I'm Doctor Laughlin, Lexi's doctor." She replied standing in front of Caroline as she stood up shaking the doctor's hand wanting nothing more than to know how her sister was doing.
"Nice to meet you. I just wish it was under better circumstances. How- How is Lexi doing?"
"She was struggling there for a while, but we got her in stable condition and your mother is in there with her right now."
"Thank God. Can I- Can I see her?"
"By all means. Just please let us know if anything changes."
"I will." She replied as the doctor left her alone making her feel instant relief. "I need to go see Lexi." She said to the others as Elena and Stefan exchanged looks.
"Do you want one of us to come with you?" Elena asked as Caroline shook her head knowing what she had to do now.
"I think this is something I have to do alone."
"You could have died Alexia; do you not understand that?" her mother pried as Caroline stood by the door frame listening in on the conversation before Lexi or her mother realized she was there.
"You don't think I know that mother. I'm not that stupid."
"Really because you ending up in the hospital because you overdosed tells me another story Alexia. How could you be so stupid? So reckless."
"You're the cop mom. You tell me why I would engage in this deviant behavior."
"We're not talking about me or my career Alexia, we are talking about what happened to you and why it happened. I'm trying to be as considerate to your situation as I possibly can, but I need to understand why you did it and you need to be the one to tell me."
"Then understand that I don't want to talk about it right now. I just been through a traumatic ordeal and I need my rest. So please. Leave."
"Fine, I can take a hint, but this discussion isn't over. Not by a long shot. Now if you don't excuse me, I have some brochures for treatment centers to look at." Her mother said grabbing her jacket and passing Caroline as she walked out of the hospital leaving Caroline and Lexi alone to talk.
"Have you come to brag about how I seriously fucked up my life with this one?" Lexi asked seeming aloof and distant as she stared at the window contemplating something.
Caroline wished she could have been as pissed as her mother was. She wished she could just grab Lexi by the shoulders and shake some common sense into her before it was too late, but for whatever reason Caroline didn't feel like fighting with Lexi. All she wanted was to make sure that she was okay.
"Are you okay?" she asked simply taking the chair beside Lexi's bed and holding onto one of her hands.
"I've been better." She commented sending a weak smile to Caroline as her eyelids fluttered.
"Listen, I know you don't want to talk about this and I'm the last person on this earth that you would ever want to talk to, but when I found you on the floor like that I've never been so terrified in my life. What happened Lexi? I thought everything in your life was going so well and you've always seemed so happy. What went wrong? What persuaded you to do something so reckless that you would put your own life at risk?"
"Do you know what it's like being the youngest?" she asked throwing Caroline off.
"No Lex, before you were born, I was an only child. What does any of this have to do with what happened?"
"When dad died I felt as if I were alone, that my grief wasn't as important to everyone as yours was because of your anxiety and your knowledge of the events leading up to it, but just because I was younger doesn't mean I wasn't affected by it I just dealt with my pain in a different way then you did."
"What are you talking about Lexi? What did you do?" Caroline tested fearing the answer Lexi was about to give her.
"Don't tell mom okay." She responded lifting her hospital gown making Caroline automatically gasp.
On Lexi's stomach were scars, a lot of them. Scars that she hid well. Scars that Caroline nor her mom had never seen before. Oh God. Lexi. What did you do?
"Did you- Did you do this to yourself?" Caroline gulped not sure what exactly to say. How was a person to respond to something like this?
"It started off small. Just a few cuts here and there. I never did them anywhere visible because I didn't want you or mother to see. The only reason I stopped in the first place was because of- "
"Stefan." She answered for her. It made sense. Why Lexi had such an obsession with getting him away from Caroline. It had never really had anything to do with her. How could she not see anything deeper from the situation than this?
"Yeah. Exactly."
"How-How did he figure out?"
"One night when you snuck him in to spend the night, I had forgotten to lock the door and he saw the scars before I could cover them. We talked for hours on the bathroom floor. He made me laugh, cry, and smile for the first time in a long time. I know now that he isn't the one for me, but in that moment, it felt good to have someone in my corner. Even if he was your-well friends with benefits. I-I thought me sleeping with him wouldn't bother you, so I did what I could to run into him as much as possible then one day you two got in a major fight and well you remember the rest."
"That I do." She replied trying to push back her anger. She was still pissed about everything, but now what had happened between Lexi and Stefan made some sense. She just had to sit down and listen. She had never really done that before when it came to this story.
"After that you and Stefan both hated me, Stefan hated me because I was the one thing that came between the both of you and you hated me because I had slept with the guy who you were falling for even though I had no way of knowing how serious your feelings were. I heard the big argument between you two when you refused to take him back. I sat back as he called you every dirty name in the book as he called you a worthless mess that was undeserving of his love. I thought that would be the end of it. I thought your hatred for him would thaw your hatred of me, but all it did was intensified it. And yeah, I deserved every bit of it. I deserved the name calling and you hating me, but I never expected how many people would hate me afterwards. I made a mistake Caroline, but I'm younger than you are. I just wanted someone who cared about mew like they cared about you, but you never saw that. What's worse is that you stood by as all your friends bullied me into submission. As they tore apart my reputation, because I had made the biggest mistake of my life and yeah, I hated you for it. I wanted nothing more than to see you miserable after you had made me miserable, but nothing ever seemed to work for you, all it did was make me seem like the bad guy. And yeah now I know that I deserved it, but at the time with my reputation in pieces I decided that if people were going to call me a slut and a whore that I might as well become what they were saying about me."
"Lexi, I- "
"Please let me finish."
Caroline nodded willing to be patient as Lexi continued her story.
"During all those long night out and countless blow jobs I met Lee, he was so nice and so kind before he offered me heroin. I had lightly dabbled in drugs before, I mean when you're destroying your life why not right? But nothing compared to how Heroin made me feel. I had one of the best highs of my life until I came down. I never expected to get addicted, no one ever does, until they do. And I'm not lying when I say I really want another hit right now, but then I look at everyone who came and how you and mom are reacting and there's just something that makes me want to get better. You know?"
"For once, I think I know where you're coming from. But Lexi I'm so sorry."
"What are you sorry for?"
"I'm sorry that I haven't always been the best sister to you. When I saw you and Stefan together, I lost it. I hated you both and I just sat there and let things happen to you, because I thought you deserved it. And I'm sorry for ever thinking that. I promise you that I will do better. And together we'll get through this."
"Why are helping me?"
"Because I've been so obsessed with my own romantic drama that I haven't even considered how you were feeling. I'm not doing that anymore. I'm going to help you through this because I'd rather you hate me for helping you then to see you die because I didn't."
Squeezing her sisters' hand, Lexi smiled at her, a single tear flowing on her cheek as their mother stepped into the room with pamphlets in her hand about drug addiction and treatment centers. It was finally time to put Lexi first.
"What's going on here?" she asked obviously still pissed at Caroline.
"Caroline helped me see that maybe getting help for my addiction will be a good thing. I know I was hesitate before when you brought it up, but I'm willing to listen."
"In that case we should probably get started." Her mother said sitting on the edge of Lexi's bed as they determined the best way to help Lexi through this.
Body convulsing, Lexi lurched up in her bed as Caroline barely caught the bed pan in time for Lexi to puke in it. Spluttering and coughing, Lexi laid back down in the hospital bed groaning as Caroline laid the bed pan back down and blotted her forehead that was creased with sweat. No one ever knows how truly awful withdrawal was until they had to go through it and Caroline had never seen her sister so vulnerable before.
"Do you need something to help with your stomach?" she asked not knowing what she should say in this type of situation.
"I feel if I consume anything, I'll just throw it back up, but thanks for asking." She replied looking out the window, lost in thought.
"You're doing great." She encouraged making Lexi sigh.
"And you should go home."
"Was it something I said?"
"No, you've just been by my side in this stupid hospital room for three whole days now and you're starting to smell. I know you're just trying to help me through this, but right now what would really help me is for you to take a shower and grab a change of clothes. Stop avoiding your own drama by dealing with mine and go take care of yourself. "
"What about mom?"
"She's working very closely with my doctors to pick the best treatment center possible, but it'll take more than a couple days to do that. Now please go home. Take a shower. Hell go hang out with Elena if you want to, just make sure you take care of yourself and come back when you're more. Presentable."
"Fine. You win, but I'm coming back first thing in the morning."
"I wouldn't have it any other way. Now please leave me to my misery I have to think for a while."
Nodding, Caroline and Lexi exchanged their goodbyes as she walked out of the hospital room not prepared for what awaited her when she got home.
"I'm surprised you called. It's been a while since I've heard from you, not that I blame you, you've had a lot going on, so what's up? How Lexi?"
"She's still in the hospital, but mom and the doctors are working together to provide her with the best care as possible. They're even talking about transferring her to the treatment center later this week."
"How do you feel about that?"
"I feel like if my sister has any chance at getting better than she should go and be with people who can help her understand this addiction. It's hard trying to get better when no one knows what you're going through."
"True. So, what are you doing now?"
"My cab driver is taking me home and I'm going to take a shower, but besides that I'm not sure what I'm going to be doing for the rest of the day."
"Did you want to spend the night? It might be easier for you and I know things are still rough with your mom."
"We haven't spoken two words to each other in these past three days. But having a break from this all does sound nice; just give me a couple hours and I'll be right over."
"See you then girl." Elena replied as she hung up and the driver pulled into Caroline's driveway taking her aback but who she saw. What the hell was he doing here?
Paying the cabbie, Caroline stepped out of the cab and walked up to Elijah looking at him up and down in disbelief as if he were not there and just a figment of her imagination.
"If you're here to speak on behalf of your brother than you could just save your breath, if I wanted to hear from him, I would have answered the first twenty times he called me this week." She fumed searching her purse for her keys. Where the hell were those keys?
"I'm not here for that."
"Then why are you here Elijah? We're not exactly friends."
"I came to ask how Lexi was doing."
"Not that it's any of your business, but we're getting her help. Now if you don't excuse me, I need a shower." Breezing past him and grabbing onto her doorknob she was about to head into her house when she heard his voice from behind her.
"That's good news. That she's getting help. A few addicts are more resistant to it at first."
"Like your brother?"
"He was at first. Until Hayley's overdose forced him to get help for his own addiction, but like I said I'm not here to talk about him."
"Then what were you hear to talk about? Because if it was just to check in on Lexi then you would have come by the hospital and asked, so why are you here anyway? What do you exactly want?"
"I also came here to see how you were doing."
"Why? You've never cared about me before. Why start now?"
"Because I know exactly what you're going through. I thought I would come here and offer you some support or rather a way for you and your family to get some."
"What do you mean?"
"When I was going through a similar thing with my brother and Hayley, I felt it shocking that I really had no one to talk to about this. Sure there was always my family and my friends but my family was very reserved about the topic at hand and my friends as much as they sympathized could never truly understand it, so I did some research and I found out that not only do some organizations help out the addicts, but there are also programs where the addicts family can talk about the struggles they're facing and I hoped that maybe they could help you out as well, because this is going to be a lifelong battle and sometimes it helps knowing there are people who know who you're going through in your corner."
"How do you even know if this will work?"
"That all depends on you. Go if you want to and if you don't that's okay too, but I would at least suggest one meeting. If you totally hate it then that's one thing you can hold over me for the rest of eternity and if you do, then you've found a group of people who can understand your side of the situation."
"I'll consider it, but I should probably get inside before Elena starts to wonder where I am. Thank you though. For the advice and for saving my sisters life. I don't know what would have happened if you weren't there."
"I'm sorry that you have to go through this. I hope it gets better for you and your family."
"Thank you for everything."
"Have a nice night Caroline."
"You as well Elijah." Caroline said as she went into her house thinking that Elijah might not have been as bad as she originally thought he was.
"I haven't seen you around here before, are you new to the group?" A girl around her age asked as Caroline looked at her in response.
"A friend told me about this group, and I thought I would stop by and check it out. I'm kind of new to all this."
"Well if it helps, we were all new once. This group helped me also when I was at my darkest place, I hope it does the same for you." She smiled.
"Thank you." She answered struggling to get out a smile as the lady grabbed a cookie from the table and walked back to her seat within the group of chairs where Caroline would be sitting soon enough, she just hoped that coming here would be worth it.
Taking a deep breath, Caroline made her way to a nearby chair sitting down and looking around the circle of all the faces she would soon be familiar with. The faces of people who were going through the same things she was going through. She just hoped that they would have some form of advice when it comes to dealing with this situation.
Looking at the double doors to the room, Caroline's eyes widened slightly as Elijah walked through the doors surprising her slightly as she shrunk back in her chair. What the hell was he doing here? She knew Klaus had dealt with addiction before, but it still didn't explain why Elijah was here if Klaus was in remission unless he had been lying to her about that too.
"Caroline. It's nice to see that you made it."
"When we spoke last you failed to mention that you were also a part of this group. I mean what could you possibly need help with?"
"Despite my brother being in remission it doesn't mean the fear of relapse still isn't there."
"Why? Has he been showing signs of a potential relapse?"
"Not that I've noticed, but he's still only at the begging of his sobriety Caroline. There's always a chance that he may not stay that way, but no matter what happens he's my family and I'll help him through it as much as I can."
"Is that the reason you didn't want us to be together? Because you thought it might be dangerous for his sobriety."
"Yes and no. Sometimes I must remind myself that you are both still teenagers and you can't understand the repercussions of having a relationship with an addict at this age, but just because you can't see them doesn't mean they're still not there. "
"What do you mean by that?"
Before he could elaborate, a woman in her mid-40's strolled in the room smiling at all the participates that had attended today as they all drew their full attention to her silencing Elijah and Caroline's conversation until a later time.
"Good afternoon everyone, I'm Dr. Fell, and I'll be leading the group for today. I see we have a few new faces in the group today. Would you like to share your name and what brought you here today?" she asked taking off her glasses and looking straight at Caroline. Fuck. She hated being put on the spot like this.
"Ugh hi, I'm-I'm Caroline and I'm the sister of an addict. I guess I'm just here to make more sense about why she would choose this path if the result doesn't seem, well, worth it. If that makes sense."
"I can assure you Caroline that everyone here feels the same way you do. This group was created as a safe space for those struggling with a loved one going through addiction so they could grasp a better understanding about why this happened and ways to find out how to deal with this process as it's happening. How long has your sister been an addict?"
"My sister and I have never been that close. I didn't even notice she was using drugs until she was overdosing on a cold bathroom floor covered in her own vomit."
"And how did that make you feel? Seeing her that way?"
"It made me feel powerless Like I was a horrible sister and she deserved better than a complete and total mess of a sister at that point."
"What makes you think that you're not a good sister?"
"I just told you, I didn't know she was addicted until it was almost too late for her. A couple more minutes and she would have been dead."
"Do you think it would have been your fault if she had died that night?"
"Yes." She answered without any reservation as Elijah gave her a sideways look. She didn't care. It's how she felt.
"And how do you think that your sisters' overdose would have been your fault?"
"Because I'm the reason that she started them in the first place."
"Did you supply her with the drugs she chose to take?"
"No."
"Did you pressure her into taking the drugs?"
"No."
"Then how did you come to the conclusion that it was your fault?"
"I'm her big sister. It's my job to take care of her and make sure that she's safe."
"You see Caroline, as individuals we tend to overthink things. You see contrary to your belief you didn't make your sister do anything and coming from a person who has a sister you can't be by her side every second of everyday. You have your own life; you should be able to enjoy it."
"Not when it comes to the expense of my sister's life."
"Well we won't reach a breaking point in the first session, but maybe hearing other stories will help you understand what you and your family are going through. And maybe it'll will bring you the tiniest bit of peace."
"Right now. I'll try anything."
"Then let's get started." She said as Caroline took a deep breath wondering what was on the other side of this session.
"Mom, can we talk?" Caroline asked as her mother shut Lexi's door leaving the two of them alone.
"I don't feel like fighting right now Caroline. Can't it wait until the morning?"
"I don't feel like fighting either. I just want to talk."
"Not here. Let's talk in the kitchen,"
Nodding, Caroline and Liz made their way to the kitchen as Liz put on a pot of water so they could both have some tea. They didn't really do this when they talked, but something about this situation called for it.
"How is she?"
"I know they say that it has to get worse before it gets better, but I didn't really know how hard this was going to be."
"No, they really don't, but I think I know of a way to help."
"Are you talking about the group you went to this afternoon?"
"Yes and no, while the group did help me understand a few things I know that it can't help me understand everything."
"I think that we've all been through a lot and that's not going to go away with just one group session."
"I agree which is why I'm thinking about going back to therapy. Dr. Fell also does private sessions and I'm thinking about going to see her just to test the waters. I think it'll help."
"I think it's a great idea, especially after everything that's happened as of lately. Was there anything else you wanted to talk about?"
"I- broke up with Klaus. I don't want to go into details. I just want to let you know."
"That's a shame. From what I knew about him, I liked him."
"Yeah. I-I did too, but sometimes things don't always work out the way you want them to." She sighed trying to fight back her tears.
"I know." Her mother said gathering her into her arms making Caroline feel for the first time that everything would be alright. She just hoped that this feeling would not deceive her like all the others had, because after all the hurt her family had gone through, they deserved a bit of happiness. She just hoped that the universe was willing to give it. No matter what the cost.