Wally: Birth is a curse and existence is a prison
Dick: Life is a party and I'm a piñata
Wally: Touché
Dick: Right back at ya
***
Dick: What state do you live in
Wally: Constant fear
***
Dick: I think I know a way we can get the money
Wally: You'd make a decent stripper
Dick: I'd make an AMAZING stripper but that's not what I'm talking about
***
Dick:Just realized cowboys go yee haw and ninjas go hee yaw
Wally: Please go lie down. You hit your head really hard. You have a concussion.
***
Dick: All mistakes made by an orthodontist are acciDENTAL
They make mistakes often too, so you make all efforts to BRACE yourself
Wally: Teeth
Sorry I panicked
Dick: All contributions are appreciated
***
Wally: We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it's fun to not be able to open that drawer.
Dick: Keeps things spicy
***
Dick: *picks up a crying baby* it's okay buddy, when you grow up you'll learn how to do this on the inside
***
Wally: Honestly the Star Wars saga is just the story of three generations of people bullying c3po
Dick: I told Tim this and he couldn't come up with a counter argument
***
Dick: Warm water tastes round and cold water tastes pointy
Wally: Why would you say something so controversial yet so brave
***
Dick: French geese be like
Honque
Dick: But is I was a tree, you know what I would be?
Wally: A pine tree
Dick: ...Tree-mendous
Wally: You have brain damage
Dick: Don't hate me for going out on a LEAFS
Wally: Stop
Dick: I WAS JUST TRYING TO BRANCH OUT
Wally: No
Dick: LEAF ME ALONE
Wally: I can't
***
Dick: Dude, the kids next door challenged me to a water-gun fight! I'm boiling water now. You wanna come over and help.
Wally: Boiling?
Dick: I play to win
Wally: But boiling? Aren't you a cop, and have years of experience hitting targets that you shouldn't be able to hit using objects that shouldn't be able to hit it.
Dick: Did I stutter?
Wally: I hate it when people ask me to 'explain my thought process' like tf should I know. Whatever is going on in my head is something I don't even want to be a part of.
***
Dick: *the invention of knocking
I'm gonna punch you house until you talk to me
***
Dick: One guacamole is equal to 6.0221415*10^23 guacas
Wally: I am disgusted by my ability to get this joke
Dick: One might call it…
Avocado's number
Wally: NO
***
Dick: What, from the bottom of my heart, the heck
***
Wally: On all levels except physical I am lying face down on moss
Dick: Sounds about right
Dick: AUSTRALIANS ARE JUST BRITISH TEXANS!
Wally:...
…
…
…
I mean
I guess
****
Wally: Throwing a hot frying pan into a cold sink makes me feel like a blacksmith
***
Wally: *2 years into Cosmetology School applying perfect contours
So when are we learning about space
Dick: You'd hold out for two years?
Wally: born to be mild
Dick: *mediocre guitar solo
***
Dick: Am I perfect? No
But do I try my best and keep a positive attitude? Also no
Wally: I was gonna answer but you got it
***
Wally: I hate it when kids scream in public. They have no real problems. It should be me screaming. ME!
Dick: ?
You good there buddy?
Dick: Milk is for wimps. I only drink asparagus water.
Wally: Uhg. I actually just threw up a little reading that
***
Dick: Do you think pigeons have feelings?
Wally: Dick no, Please
Dick: I have good news! … and bad news, which do you want to hear first
Wally: good news I guess
Dick: It is very unlikely I will try that again
***
Dick: As an orphan, I dominate never have I ever
Wally: Explain
Dick: Never have I ever been grounded by my parents
Wally: I see
***
Dick: Just watched Tim eat an onion like an apple for five minutes
Wally: You didn't stop him?!
Dick: Bruce didn't stop him either.
***
Wally: My shoes are wet
Dick: Why
Wally: There was a puddle.
Dick: Mmm, a big one
Wally: Oh yeah, I jumped in that thing. Made a big splash
***
Wally: I saw you earlier
Why do you have a black eye?
Dick: No reason
Wally: Grayson answer me
Dick: I was getting ready for patrol. And was going to jump out the window like I always do, you know for dramatic flare.
Wally: Okay
Dick: The window was closed. I forgot to open it
***
Wally: Do you ever think about how weird of a name 'Squidward Tentacles' is like imagine if your name was humanward arms
Dick: Well now I do
***
Dick: Gun powder is just angry sand
Wally: Excuse me sir, I would like to procure some of your finest angry sand.
Dick: I underestimated you
Wally: Well next time you should estimate me
Dick: Look I'm trying to apologize here, I will take it back if you steal my thing
HAPPY 2020. THE YEAR OF PERFECT VISION