Author's Note: I am a little upset at how certain things developed in this chapter, but for those of you who know the plot of Awakening know that the game's plot does kinda race through the next few chapters. I didn't have enough time to properly run that plotline and it feels sloppy in its resolution… but at the same time, leaving it unresolved feels equally sloppy. I am at the mercy of the unfortunate breakneck pace the game rushes through and… yeah.
It leaves a lot to be desired for development and feels almost like the pacing could've been sped up a bit earlier in the game and had these next few chapters really flesh out a bit more. Had I played through this game more recently than 2014—yes, I am aware I also beat the game six or so times, but they were all in that same year—I probably might have found a way around that to address it.
I might take a small hiatus from this fic a bit down the road and re-play this game for the seventh time (thus tying it up with Path of Radiance for most re-played Fire Emblem game), just to re-acclimate myself with the characters, the plot, and any problems I have with either.
You guys get a chapter a day early. Hard to imagine I banged this chapter out in four hours pretty much in one sitting after working for five hours (I had to cut work off early from my usual 8-12 hours because a belt in my car started squeaking). I think I have a problem with hyperfixation… how can I post two 8K word chapters in two days?
Chapter 15:
Grim Circumstances
It was our second day inside Plegian territory. Even the khans were a little apprehensive about the lack of skirmishes and Plegian soldiers. If we ventured any deeper, it would make for a difficult escape should we need to retreat.
"Okay, Plegia's capital is about two more days away," Chrom said.
"King Gangrel did mention that it would happen by the moon. If we hurry, we should be there two days before the moon," Robin noted.
"That gives us time to arrive, ascertain the situation, scout around, and plan what to do next," Chrom said.
Robin and I looked at each other. We both had the same thought process about what was coming up. This was definitely a trap. We met with no resistance, because they wanted us to be deep in Plegian territory. This was beyond safe. We were basically passing the point of no return with this mission. Either we would be successful and escape with our lives, or we would fail and forfeit our lives. There was only one battle and one chance at victory.
I saw Frederick riding toward us with some sense of urgency. What's going on?
"Milord, our scouts report some manner of engagement along our path. Should we try to avoid or should we engage and try to see if we can find allies?" he asked.
"Let us go forward. If they are friendly, we can use their help. If they are enemy, we will cut them down. We cannot afford a detour," Chrom stated.
"Very well. Milord, it would be prudent to know that the terrain up ahead is sandy, as we are beginning to skirt the boundary to the desert portion of Plegia. Might I recommend we take a smaller force to fight? Fliers and mages can move unhindered and soldiers on foot can move with only slight impediment, but all horseback fighters will be required to stay back," Frederick said.
"Understood," Chrom replied. We looked to Robin.
"Very well, let me formulate a strategy while we travel there," Robin replied. We reached the boundary between the terrain we had been traversing and the growing amounts of sand impeding our travel forward. After fifteen minutes, we heard the sounds of engagement.
"Everyone, we will advance with flyers and mages and any who have learned the art of travelling on the sand! Everyone else, please advance as fast as you can to help back up our frontline," Robin commanded. I nodded and hopped out of the wagon.
At that moment, we saw two people nearby. It looked like a young girl was being chased by an older looking gentleman. Is that a kidnapping that's going on right in front of us?
"Augh! Get away! Everyone, just leave me alone!" we heard her cry out.
"Shepherds, assist that maiden," Chrom quickly said. Huh, I don't see a problem travelling on the sand. I wonder what Frederick was talking about. I started running forward with the mages and flyers with my lance out to help the girl.
"You there! Fiend! Keep your hands off that maiden!" I yelled as I approached the two. The girl looked at all of us in bewilderment.
"Who is fiend? You mean, Gregor? No, friend! You have idea wrong," the man said.
"Yeah, right! Creep…"
"This day has been nothing but insults and punches from little girl. And all for doing good deed! Listen, friend! Gregor only want to—"
There was no more said as the little girl punched the man as hard as she seemingly could. Every male who witnessed the event all cringed in sympathy and solidarity. The man fell to the ground writhing in pain. We heard yelling and saw a large amount of weirdly dressed individuals appear over a hill. One of them pointed to the girl with a weirdly creepy smile on his face.
"Gotcha, you slippery scamp! Prepare for a dose of Grima's wrath!" he cried out. I twitched slightly. Grima. Grima… Grima… why does that name sound familiar? Who is—
I fell to the ground and cried out in pain as an overwhelmingly excruciating pain seared itself across my entire head. I thought I heard a few voices calling my name, but the pain was so blindingly prominent that I could not focus on anything else. I felt myself retch a few times before actually vomiting and laying down on the ground with my eyes closed, wishing the pain would stop. I felt two pairs of hands grab me and pull me somewhere. I felt myself being seated down on the ground and I just sat there curled up until the pain slowly subsided.
"Is everything okay?" I heard a soothing voice ask.
"Y-yeah… my head… oh god, my head," I said with a groan of pain.
"You stopped shivering, at least."
"I… don't want to open my eyes…"
"You don't have to, Raven."
"Who are you?" I asked carefully.
"You wouldn't recognize the voice of a Chosen One?"
"Oh, Sophia. Hello. Thank you. What happened?" I asked, the pain mostly subsided.
"You collapsed, seemingly in severe pain, with a very adverse reaction to something. Elise and I promptly carried you back to the convoy before she returned to the battlefield. Chrom asked me if there was any Chosen One magic nearby. When I told him there wasn't any, he asked for me to stay behind with you."
I slowly opened my eyes and started to take in the scenery around me. I saw the battle going on down the hill we were on, relatively far away. I got up quickly, intent on catching up to them and helping, but a wave of nausea and dizziness overcame me and I collapsed to the ground. Why? Why!
"Shh, Raven, please, do not overexert yourself," she said. I got back into a sitting position and looked at her before sighing.
"I feel so useless right now. I could've been out there helping them and instead, not only do I have to sit it out, but I took you out of it as well. You could've been down there helping," I said in a frustrated tone. Sophia opened her mouth to answer, but she didn't get a chance to.
"Get away from me!" I heard the little girl yell. Before any of us could react, she transformed into a dragon and breathed a powerful breath of what felt like magical energy at the enemies, disintegrating one of them and setting two more on fire. I saw Sophia stare for a second.
"Corrin…" she said in shock.
"Hm? What was that?" I asked, confused. She looked at me with guilty expression, as if she said something she shouldn't have.
"Oh, no! It's… nothing," she replied with a hastily put-together smile. I know you're lying to me, Sophia.
"You know, maybe that girl didn't need our help after all. Maybe we could use hers," I mumbled to myself. Sophia gave me a curious look.
"You're not afraid of her?" she asked.
"I've been watching Panne hop around the battlefield as an oversized rabbit, violently mauling every enemy she can encounter. So, it's a dragon this time instead of a bunny… but I think I'm somewhat used to it by now," I said.
"I do believe Panne would not exactly be accepting of the fact you referred to her as a bunny," Sophia said with a small laugh.
"That's true," I said. I watched as the Shepherds began to push further, but something seemed off. They were pushing into enemy lines, but they were slowly spreading further apart. I don't think they realized it, either, as Robin was embroiled in a fierce battle with someone who might have been their leader.
All of a sudden, I saw a bunch of people who were also wearing those weird robes jump out at Chrom. I jumped up, knowing full well I was too far away and too disoriented to be able to help.
"Chrom!" I cried out, ignoring the slowly subsiding stabbing pains in my head. As if hearing my plea, I saw Cordelia turn her Pegasus around. In a few quick, precise, and fluid motions, she flew her mount as fast as she could to the ground at Chrom while throwing four javelins. All four javelins hit their targets, leaving three enemies left to engage Chrom. I saw him manage to hold his own for a bit before I saw Cordelia dive right at Chrom and pick him up off the ground.
The pair of them flew up into the air as she laid Chrom out across the neck of her Pegasus. Chrom appeared to be clinging for dear life to the Pegasus' neck, much to its displeasure, as Cordelia threw two more javelins at the soldiers on the ground. She spotted us down by the convoy and flew in a high-speed, but controlled dive toward us. The two of them both landed and Chrom slid off the Pegasus' neck and landed firmly on the round, his muscles and joints having stiffened like stone and his eyes wide with fright.
"I'm leaving the captain here! I'll be back to check up on him. Gotta deal with these pests first!" she said before kicking off the ground.
"Ground," was all he could muster out. I had intense feelings of dejavu… this scene happened recently and I was struggling to juggle my memories why it was so familiar.
I only have so many memories of being conscious! Surely it wasn't that many to draw from.
"I'm sure Chrom is glad Cordelia made it in time to save him," I commented.
"Although, I do believe he seems to be afraid of the air," Sophia added. That's it! That's where this scene felt familiar.
"Indeed. I remember one time when Sumia rescued him and flew him into the air, he was petrified for the next few minutes, unable to articulate any words," I remarked. Chrom slowly unfroze and looked at me.
"Cordelia… saved me," Chrom said quietly. I smiled and ruffled his hair slightly.
"You keep this up, Chrom, and I'm going to start thinking you have an aversion to being off the ground," I said.
"I don't have an aversion to being off the ground," he said.
"Yet, both times you have been scared stiff," I remarked.
"You try seeing yourself in a situation where your life flashed before your very eyes from enemy attacks, only to be swept from the ground unexpectedly, clinging to dear life on the neck of the Pegasus. I don't mind being off the ground. I mind the fact that if my grip had slipped, I would be a very flat prince-like smudge on the ground," Chrom said. I thought about it for a second.
"Fair enough," I replied. I watched as the rest of the Shepherds made quick work of those freaky bandits and start making their way back to us. I could see the little girl sobbing to herself, being consoled by Sumia and Gaius.
"This is just the worst day ever!" she cried out as soon as she was within earshot. Oh boy, just when Lissa finally stopped complaining about things...
"Ho now, wee one! Do not make with the crying of the tears! The evil people have now become the dead people! This is good, no?" the man who was chasing the girl said in an encouraging tone.
"You… you're right. Thank you," the girl replied. "And… I'm sorry I was so mean to you earlier. I just get nervous around people who are outside my age group."
"Your age group? Ha! Gregor much closer to your age than others here!" Gregor—I assume that's his name—said.
"Say, um… Gregor, was it? Gregor, do you mind looking after her? We need to press on…" Chrom said with a bit of an impatient tone.
"Mmm, Gregor is mercenary, yes? Maybe you hire Gregor instead! True, Gregor just help you finish killing former employers, but Gregor still very reliable! So long as you not try to hurt little girl, Gregor will not hurt you. Also, Gregor need steady income. Many angry former employers," he said.
"You're a sellsword?" Chrom asked.
"Yes! Very swell sword! Cost performance very high! Cost equal to production and protection. You have Gregor's word," he replied.
"Sure, why not? You're hired," Chrom said.
"But! But what about me?!" the girl asked. Chrom turned to the girl.
"Hm, the question now is what to do with you. We can't very well just leave you here. Maybe someone at one of these villages could take you in, and—"
"Oh, what?! FANTASTIC! No way! I am not going back to the auction block!" she pleaded. I saw Panne step forward and pull the girl close to her in an embrace.
"Wait, you've been sold? Like… like a slave?!" Lissa asked in outrage.
"To men more despicable than you can possibly imagine. They made me transform for them… they drank and laughed and called out tricks for me to do…"
"What kind of scumbags buy and sell a little girl?! Even if she CAN turn into a dragon," Lissa almost yelled, her face flushed with anger and indignation.
"There are many evils in this world you are yet unaware of," Panne said to Lissa. "It does warm my heart to see you find outrage with it."
"Well, of course! She's a living being, just like you and me! She doesn't deserve to be treated as less! She deserves to live her life and be happy! Look at her, so small and already having terrible memories… we can't let her go, Chrom. Please…"
"She may be little, milady, but not so nearly young as you might think. Manaketes live a very long time," Frederick said.
"Manaketes?" I asked.
"A species of being that can transform into a dragon at will, similar in ability to the taguel. Some have speculated that the two are closer related to each other than either are to humans," Frederick said.
"Our abilities are indeed very similar," Panne admitted.
"She's not that young? Really? What's your name? How old are you?" Lissa asked
"I'm Nowi! Wait… isn't it rude to ask a lady for her age?" Nowi asked indignantly.
"I'm seventeen!" Lissa said with a smile.
"Oh, well, I'm… much older than you," Nowi said with a laugh. "I'm, uh… well… a thousand… something? I haven't exactly been counting. But, look! No wrinkles."
"The dragonkin are said to be more resilient than men. Nowi would make a strong ally. Besides, we cannot risk her falling back into the hands of the Grimleal," Frederick said.
"Beg pardon, but who are the Grimleal?" Robin asked.
"Followers of the fell dragon, Grima," Frederick replied. I shuddered at that name, but knew better than to try to figure out why again. "The selfsame dragon the first exalt defeated a thousand years ago. Even today, there are some who yearn for that fiend's return!"
"I… see," Robin replied.
"Well, shall we get going? We're almost to the Plegian capital. We'll need all our strength soon enough," Khan Flavia said.
"Indeed. We are on a strict schedule," Chrom said.
"Gregor understand. Gregor promise he will not make with the slow pace. Gregor willing to kick backside of any who falls behind," he said.
"That's a bonus," I remarked. "We really do need to start moving."
"Shepherds! Let's move out," Chrom said.
We started moving at an increased pace toward the capital of Plegia. Along the way, we sent a few Feroxi spies out ahead of us to scour the capital and attempt to gather information to report to us for when we arrived. The scenery soon changed to one of a desert trail whose sand was thankfully relatively packed down due to high traffic. We eventually set up camp as the sun began to set and I found myself sitting on a rock outside of the camp, looking at the sky as it changed colors and the stars began to twinkle.
"What… a lovely setting."
I looked over to see Cordelia walking over to me before sitting down on the rock next to me.
"Oh, hello, Cordelia," I said with a smile, although I felt a bit unnerved and uneasy at her presence. I shivered slightly to myself, but it had to be because of the rapid temperature drop from the extreme climates of the desert.
"You can see so much of the sky when there aren't buildings or trees in the way," she said with a smile. "Do you mind if I sit down next to you?"
"I, uh… that's fine," I replied hesitantly. Why do I feel this nervous around her? Why does her smile make me feel… different? She sat down next to me and that unique scent that I noticed before was around her again. It was trace, but it was noticeable. It was both relaxing and comforting, almost as if her presence reminded me of a peaceful time before.
"You know, looking at these stars reminds me of that night outside the bakery," she said to me.
"How we sat there and talked for so long, despite having only just met?" I asked.
"Yes, indeed! Also, do you remember what I said to Chrom when he came out looking for us?" she asked.
"You said many things, most of which were insightful," I said.
"I also said something along the lines of how interesting it was that stars only appeared at night," she replied. "I could not believe I made such a blunder."
"You recovered from it quite perfectly, though. A conversation is not always the execution, but the message and feelings you wanted to convey," I insisted.
"Hmm, indeed…" she said. A part of the back of my head was yelling at me consistently and I couldn't contain the urge anymore.
"Hey, Cordelia…?"
"Yes, Raven?"
"Could you do me a small favor? I know it sounds crazy, but…"
"What kind of a favor?" she asked.
"Could you put your hair in a ponytail?" I asked. She gave me a rather peculiar look.
"Why are you asking me to do that?" she asked suspiciously. I felt nervous all of a sudden.
"No, if you don't want to, it's fine. I know it sounded stupid and you look fine with your hair down anyway! I just…"
"No, it's not that. Earlier today, for some reason, Elise was staring at me for a while, before finally approaching me to give me a hairtie and asked me for the same favor," she said.
"Wait, really? Then maybe this urge to see your hair up really does have something to do with our pasts," I said.
"It didn't do anything concrete for her memory, but she did say she felt an overwhelming sense of sympathy. Still… for my close friend, if it helps you in any way, I don't mind in the slightest," she said.
"Yes, please," I said. Could this help out.
"Oh, Raven, you should close your eyes first," she said in a teasing tone.
"Hmm? Why?" I asked.
"Will you?" she asked again, dodging my inquiry. I nodded and closed my eyes. I waited for a second as I heard her fumbling and mumbling. This was taking a bit of time. Was… she ashamed that she wasn't used to doing this? Could it be possible she was struggling to get her hair in a ponytail?
Was it difficult to do?
"Is… everything okay?" I asked.
"Y-yes, everything is fine," she replied.
"Well, uh, okay…" I simply said. I waited another short bit of time.
"Okay, open your eyes," she said. I opened my eyes and saw before me a mass of red pulled into a ponytail. Immediately, a surge of emotions went rushing through me, emotions that I could not describe. Sadness, pity, and longing were all racing through me. I had to look away quickly.
"Is something wrong?" she asked.
"I just had an intense surge of emotions go through me. I can't explain why, but I just did," I replied quietly. "I think Elise and I knew someone who had hair like that… but I definitely had to be closer to that person than Elise did if I'm having this kind of reaction and she didn't."
"I understand. Hold on, let me put it down," she said. "I don't want you feeling emotionally distressed like that."
"I… thank you," I said. She pulled the hair tie out and put her hair back down and the odd feelings that were surging through me subsided. Chalk that up to one more mystery to add to my ever so checkered past life. She laid down on the rock and began staring at the sky.
"Are you okay, Raven?" she asked.
"Yes, I'm fine now. Thank you for asking and… thank you for that. I mean, I have more questions now than answers, but at least now I know there is some significance there," I said.
"More questions coming up means more potential answers to help piece together the puzzle," she replied. I laid back next to her, staring at the stars as I thought about what she said.
"That was incredibly deep and insightful. You really are a genius," I said. I paused as I realized the implication of that word. "I mean, sorry, I mean, you're really intuitive!"
"Oh, Raven, I'm surprised you remembered that. It's fine. I'm going to try to not be as upset about that word anymore," she said encouragingly.
"Oh good," I replied. There was a silence between us as we simply lay on the rock staring at the stars. It felt… uncomfortable. I felt like I had to say something. "You… looked nice with your hair up."
"Do I not with my hair down?" she asked.
"No, I didn't mean it like that," I hastily replied. "It's a different look. You're equally charming regardless how you keep your hair."
"That's really flattering, Raven," she said in a warm tone. I felt my heartrate accelerate slightly as I heard her slide a little bit closer.
"Are you okay? Something bothering you?" I asked. She… wasn't having some kind of flashback again, was she?
"No, no, it's just a little chilly out here. The desert does get really cold at night, just as it gets really warm during the day. Trust me, Raven, I promise I will do my best not to collapse weeping into your arms ever again!" she said encouragingly as she put her head on my shoulder.
"Oh, er, right! Ha ha… I'd actually forgotten about that," I replied nervously. Cordelia sat up and looked me in the eye.
"Wait, Raven? Are you blushing? Don't tell me you've fallen for me!" she said in a joking tone. To be honest, though…
"Er, actually…" I mumbled as I sat up as well. Say something, damn it. Say something…
"Ha ha, relax, Raven. It was just a joke," she said with a laugh. Say it!
"I know, I know, but… um… you were right," I blurted out. She stopped laughing for a second as she looked me in the eye. I broke eye contact and looked at the ground. Did I actually just say that? I can't believe I just said that. I can't take it back…
She gave me a playful shove on the shoulder as she started laughing again.
"Oh, Raven, I get it! You're trying to get me back! Ha ha, good one, Raven. You almost had me there," she said. I looked her in the eye and saw she didn't believe me. She's almost as bad as Chrom… but I suppose having a Pegasus as your only friend for a while didn't help. I took a deep breath. Now or never, Raven. Now or never!
I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. Damn it, Raven, for once in your life, be brave!
"Cordelia…" I said.
"That's my name," she replied with a wink and a smile. My mind was racing so fast, so many words just blurring themselves. I had forgotten how to speak. Just string together a few words to express what I'm thinking… how I feel.
Just do it, damn it!
"Oh, Cordelia, there you are."
We both quickly turned to the voice to see Chrom walking over. Wow, Chrom, your timing could NOT have been any worse! You REALLY could not have come over at a worse possible time!
"Oh, Chrom! I, uh… um…" she stuttered out.
"Everything okay?" he asked her. She opened her mouth to reply, but unable to form words, she closed her mouth back and nodded.
"Was there something you wanted, Chrom?" I asked.
"Yes, I was looking for my two missing Shepherds," Chrom replied. "Somehow I knew one of you would be on a rock outside of camp, as seems to be his habit. Didn't expect to find Cordelia here as well. That makes my job a bit easier. You both should start heading back to camp. We have an early morning."
"True. Let's head back to camp, Raven," Cordelia said cheerfully. I paused for a second before sighing.
"Very well," I said. We walked back to camp and started heading toward where the tents were. As we arrived to where we were, I saw Chrom pause and fidget with his fingers. He did that once before… but when? Something familiar about it…
"Um, Cordelia?" Chrom asked.
"Yes, Captain?" she replied.
"… you can call me Chrom. Everyone else does," he said.
"… yes, Chrom?" she amended.
"Can I speak with you for a minute? I just… wanted to, um, thank you for saving my life earlier," he said awkwardly. She nodded with a smile before looking at me.
"Oh, Raven, you don't have to wait up. We do have an early day tomorrow! Get your rest," she said encouragingly.
"Uh, okay," I replied. Something felt off, but I couldn't put my finger on it. I sighed and left the two of them to talk as I headed to my tent to pass out. It was going to be a long march tomorrow. Best I get as much rest as I can.
I entered my tent, changed into my sleeping clothes, and got into bed. Tomorrow was the last full day of marching… and then we would reach the Plegian capital sometime in the afternoon the day after tomorrow.
I was standing in front of a door as an old man was standing beside me. There were others beside me, but they were all too blurry. I couldn't make them out…
"You all have to survive and overcome these trials. Only then will you accomplish the goal which you have been seeking," the old man said. I nodded and walked through the door with the faceless group around me. We entered a room that was black in all directions as far as the eye could see, except the doorway, which seemed to be a doorway in a room of a small building in the middle of this endless black expanse. We carefully walked forward when suddenly a glow appeared before me.
"What is that?" I heard a female voice ask.
"That is an einherjar," a voice echoed. "The spirit of a warrior lost to time, preserved in here for all of eternity in perfect replication of their prime."
"We have to defeat it to proceed?" I asked.
"The spirit will only activate when you enter the area with an equal number of participants. One spirit has to duel with one of you," the voice said. I nodded and stepped forward. Immediately, the glow formed a faceless being, wearing nothing at all. Its body was as blank as its face… no muscle or form or scars or defining features. The plainness of this inhuman entity before me spooked me.
"Very well," I said as I pulled my lance out. Two swords, one green and one yellow, appeared in the warrior's hands as it got into a stance. I dashed forward and blinked immediately right in front of him for a fast opening strike. As soon as I thrust with my lance, a sphere of fire flicked into existence and enveloped the person. My lance bounced harmlessly off the sphere and deflected it to the side, causing me to lose my balance and stumble forward as the deflection of my weapon to the side and my forward momentum from the charge had my body going in two separate directions.
"What… are you?" I asked aloud as soon as I regained my balance. No answer. No response. It was nothing more than an echo of a warrior from another time, no more and no less. It had no mind; it had no soul. It was merely a spirit whose sole purpose was to fight and test a warrior's skill against. Well, hero from the past, I have to defeat you.
I woke up suddenly and felt something poking my shoulder.
"It's about time, Shady. You looked like you were having an intense dream."
I glared at Gaius. I could feel my thoughts… I could feel my emotions… that was no ordinary dream. Was that my past?
"Why did you wake me up, Gaius?" I asked.
"You've overslept. Most of the army is starting to pack up," he said. What?!
"What?! No way! I'm usually up way earlier," I said.
"I know. That's why I offered to check on you. You aren't running a fever, are you?" he asked.
"N-no, I just had a really vivid dream and… I… I can't remember most of it," I said as I dashed to the other side of the room.
"Whoa, Shady, you good?" he asked.
"Yeah, yeah! I just gotta write down as much as I can remember before all the details… fade… away…" I said absent-mindedly as I wrote down as much as I could of last night's dream. What was it about? Spirits of warriors past…? A goal I had to accomplish…? Gah, I can't remember much more.
"Well, as soon as you finish that, you better grab what's left of food and rush your packing," Gaius said as he started to depart. I nodded in response.
"I got you. Thanks for checking on me," I said.
"No problem. I got pastries riding on you, after all," he replied with a smirk before closing the tent flap.
I quickly finished my journal entry, rushed down a breakfast, and quickly broke down everything in my tent before arriving to the convoy to turn in my supplies.
"There you are, sleepyhead!" Cordelia greeted me with a huge smile on her face.
"Y-yeah, sorry, I must have overslept. Sorry…" I said. She waved dismissively, still with that large smile plastered on her face.
"You're fine! Everything is fine!" Cordelia replied.
"Everything… is… fine? Are you okay?" I asked.
"No. I'm not okay. I'm more than okay. I'm feeling great!"
"Okay, whoa, calm down, Cordelia. What happened?" I asked. She stopped for a second and took a few deep breaths.
"Wait, let us get this packed away first," she said as she held her inventory sheets.
"Oh, all right. One blue sleeping bag. One regular rectangle pillow. One green tent. One lantern. One sleeping outfit for Raven," I said. I saw her checking the items on the list as I handed them to Robin inside the supply wagon. I guess he was back to helping Cordelia sort and store inventory before our morning marches again.
"Good, good, that's the last of the Shepherds," Cordelia said.
"Wait, am I the last one?" I asked.
"Yes," Robin replied. "It's fine. Chrom said you looked a little pale last night and was slightly worried the increased pace was beginning to take its toll on some of us."
"No, Robin, it's not. Don't even let him think like that. Today we march like we have been! We have to arrive in time to save the exalt!" I firmly insisted.
"I knew you'd say that. Let me go up to him and inform him of your response," he said before departing. I nodded and looked over to see Cordelia had disappeared. Where did she go? I shrugged and got back to my position to get ready to march.
We departed shortly after and I found this day finding myself unable to find any way to pass the time. Did I just repeat myself there? Is this desert heat getting to me? This sun is a bit of a scorcher. I stepped back a little bit to march along the shadow of the supply wagon. I might as well make sure our supplies were safe while I was at it.
"Oh, Raven, there you are!" Cordelia said as she poked her head out of the wagon. "I heard someone marching alongside the supply wagon and wasn't sure who it was."
"It's me. Anyway, what're you doing?" I asked.
"Updating reports on our weapons after that last battle," she said.
"Do you need any help?" I asked.
"No, it's fine. I'm on the last weapon anyway," she said brightly.
"So, uh, Cordelia, you didn't get a chance to answer me this morning. What's got you in such a good mood?" I asked.
"Oh, remember when Chrom wanted to talk to me as we got back?" she asked.
"Yeah, he seemed really appreciative that you saved his life," I said.
"Yeah, you should have heard him stumbling over his words," she said in a joking manner.
"Stumbling over his words?" I asked.
"Yes! He told me he really appreciated what I did for him and how he appreciated what a great fighter I was and how well I handled those javelins and then we got to talking after that and he said that… after we rescue his sister, he wanted to talk to me more at a restaurant in town. He really was sympathetic to what happened with my squad at the border, but appreciated I made it all the way from there to warn everyone of Plegia's attack," she exclaimed.
Wait, what? What? What?
… what?
"A… restaurant… in… town…?" I asked.
"Yes! He blurted out this whole spiel about how he appreciated a woman who could take care of herself and all that and… oh, Raven, you were right! Just talk to him like a normal person and I would be fine!" she said.
I…
I…
I… just… Chrom, you…
I'm… I'm happy for you, Chrom, but…
Damn it. Damn it!
"Grab your weapons! Grab your weapons! Plegian guard!"
We heard the call from the front. No way, right now?! We encountered part of the guard right now? Cordelia gave me a look before disappearing into the wagon. She quickly reappeared and handed me my lance.
"Go get them, Raven! I know you can do it. I believe in my close friend!" she said encouragingly. All of a sudden, being called a close friend felt like a stab in the chest.
"Y-yeah. Thank you… Cordelia," I said hurriedly as I ran from the wagon. Stupid me! Stupid me. What was I thinking? Of course you were just a friend! Of course her sights were set on Chrom. What did you think was going to happen?! What did you think!
I got to the frontline with Frederick, Virion, Sully, Lissa, Miriel, and Ricken. I saw a battalion of Plegian soldiers in front of me, scrambling to get into formation before charging at us. There was no way that the six of us were going to be able to fight them without some form of injury. There was at least thirty of them. Everyone, hurry up!
I saw Ricken and Miriel start casting spells while Virion began shooting at the enemy soldiers. I also saw Sophia arrive and begin casting as well. Most of our attacks, they were either able to dodge or block with their shields.
Cordelia…
I was a fool. I should've said something. I shouldn't have gotten so involved with her. Damn it!
I slammed the butt of my lance in the ground in frustration. Damn it!
I saw the enemy charging toward me as my vision blurred. Damn it!
Why was my vision blurry? I tapped my eye and realized what was going on…
"Raven…?" I heard Lissa ask gently. "Are you okay?"
"I'm. Fine," I said firmly. "Just this desert wind blew some sand in my eye."
"You look… really… intense," she said carefully.
"We're standing our ground against a group that big and… and…" I trailed off. I had a intuition in the back of my head telling me to charge.
"What is it?" Lissa asked. I saw Frederick look at me curiously.
"My intuition is telling me to charge. My reflexes are screaming at me to charge ahead and engage them," I said in a frustrated tone. "Damn it, even my reflexes are off today!"
"… go, Raven, we'll back you up," Frederick said.
"Are you insane? They outnumber us roughly four to one!" I replied.
"They are merely conscripted soldiers, ill-trained. Look at their uniforms. You can tell they are not part of the armed forces proper. They are only a hastily trained guard," Frederick replied. "I believe each one of us is worth five of them. Go."
I sighed and nodded. I ran forward with my lance. Why were my reflexes telling me to engage like this? Why was my intuition telling me to fight such a large force? Was my judgment off because of Cordelia?
Cordelia…
… I want to be happy for Chrom. I am happy for Chrom… at my own expense. I am happy for Cordelia… at my own expense. I knew they would be happy together, in their own awkward way.
I cried out in frustration and immediately felt myself blink forward. I let myself go, succumbing to the reflexes that my body naturally had honed. I thrust my lance at the first warrior, piercing him through the chest in a precise blow. He coughed up blood, spattering the shaft of my weapon. Before anyone could react, I yanked my weapon out of him with a horrific squelching sound before I blinked again to the next soldier. In a lightning quick diagonal slashing motion, I opened a gash across his chest. I quickly followed it up with a kick that sent him stumbling backward into two more enemies, knocking them to the ground.
I felt a curious euphoria start to course through me as I dashed forward, executing a series of precise, quick thrusts on the three on the ground, raining a flurry of death and destruction. I started laughing a bit as I flicked behind the next soldier, stabbing him right through the base of the spine. He crumpled to the ground, having lost the use of both of his legs.
What was this feeling? It was like I was starting to feel truly alive! I felt my anger at myself and my frustrating subside as I began dancing this morbid dance around these feeble warriors! I felt alive! I felt like I was thriving! This was my life! This was who I was! I am an agent of death and destruction! For the briefest of moments, I began to laugh aloud as I systematically reacted to each of their highly-telegraphed, ill-trained swings, dodging and deflecting without as much as a singular thought. They swung their swords in huge, easily read motions. I ducked, sidestepped, parried with the shaft of my lance, using my movement and momentum in some horrifically macabre death dance, marveling at the fluidity I had flowing from one move to the next, as if a river of technique was flowing out through me.
The last one fell to the ground as I stood there, laughing for no reason in particular. This was what battle was! This was what it felt like to be alive! This was life! This was…
This was…
… this… was… what.
What just…
What just happened?
I looked down on the ground to see the corpses of the soldiers I had battled lay all around me. I saw Frederick nearby with an apprehensive look on his face. I saw Lissa look at me half in admiration and half in fear. I saw Chrom had arrived to the frontline and look on in shock and surprise at the morbid scene around me.
"F-Frederick… what… happened? Did you do this? Did you help? Did… anyone help?" I asked in a frantic voice.
"A… few of us took some out, but most of that was by your hand and your hand alone," Frederick said.
"N-no… what… what happened? No, please no… I'm not a murderer! I swear," I said frantically. Who am I? Who was I? How could I have slaughtered these people with such ease and joy? With such frantic fury.
I fell to one knee on the ground as I started gasping for air. Frederick quickly rode over.
"Your body doesn't know its limits. Those quick flicking movements you perform take a decent amount of energy. It should only be used for quick approaches to catch an opponent off-guard or defensively to avoid an attack, not just to speed up an encounter. Did you learn how to control it?" he asked.
"Frederick, stop! Stop! I don't want that. This. Scares. Me," I said firmly. "I just single-handedly rained death and destruction on these people, people who were conscripted into the army. People probably like the able-bodied male villagers from Donnel's home! They were here because they were forced to, not because they wanted to. They were no soldiers…"
"Raven… this is war. There will be casualties. There will be lives lost that shouldn't have been lost," Frederick said. "However, the harder we fight and the more we emerge victorious… the sooner the war ends and we can stop the bloodshed."
"Still, Frederick…" I said quietly.
"Raven… go to the carriage with Donnel," Chrom said.
"Chrom?" I asked.
"I… understand how you feel. None of us want to take lives that had no desire to be on the battlefield. But every one of them, reluctant as they were to be here, are fighting to stop us. If we don't stop them, one of ours could be hurt… or worse. Raven, take time to yourself. Think about that. Please. I don't want to see my friend fall apart over the guilt of what he just did," Chrom said in a soothing tone of voice. How can he be so understanding and forgiving when he himself is going through so much right now? What right do I have to have a damn pity party when the lives of these soldiers and the life of his sister, the exalt, are on the line.
I shook my head.
"No, Chrom. I… I'm fine. I have to stay strong. This is no time to be falling apart. I apologize for that. I can mourn the lives that I took after this war is over," I said. "I will mourn for them after King Gangrel falls!"
"We all will be mourning the innocent lives that were taken, but for now, we have to finish what we came here to do," Chrom said. "I believe in you, Raven."
"… and I believe in you, Chrom. I believe in Robin to guide us to safety."
"That's the spirit," Chrom said in a calm tone with a flicker of a smile. I nodded to him and we shortly were on our way. Frederick rode on his horse next to me.
"Raven, a word about one thing, though?" he asked.
"Yes, Frederick?" I asked.
"What caused you to fight like that?" he asked. I looked away. I didn't want to tell him the truth. I didn't want to admit that I was frustrated with myself over falling for someone who chose someone else. I didn't want to admit I was frustrated with myself for not taking an initiative.
"I… had a frightening dream. I wasn't sure if it was about the past or the future or just a regular dream, but it left me scared of what was going on and frustrated at myself and my inability to do more," I said. Well, different circumstance, but the same motivation.
"Interesting. It seems your relapses and recollections are tied to your emotional state. The first few times you executed that movement, you were in a panic trying to save someone's life," he said.
"I could only do it once to save their life, though," I said.
"This time, you were frustrated at yourself and your inability to do anything. That indirectly might have manifested through your subconscious need to protect us from when they were charging us," Frederick stated. I paused for a second. That might have some merit.
"The fact you could do it multiple times and even push yourself past the energy you had to continue the fight might have had partially to do with the need to feel like you had to protect us from each of them… that every one of them was a threat," he said.
"That doesn't explain the euphoria or laughter," I guiltily admitted.
"It is a form of catharsis. You were achieving your goal of protecting the people you cared about. Yes, it involved having to take the lives of those fighters, but subconsciously, you enjoyed it, because you were accomplishing your goal of protecting those whom you cared about," Frederick said. "Which, if I admit, I am thankful for the fact you potentially consider me a person worth protecting."
"Despite your skepticism, I do appreciate you are keeping your ears out for any news regarding our history, Frederick. But even beyond what you potentially can do for me, I just find myself enjoying your company, even during training days," I said. "I enjoy everyone's company here in the Shepherds. You all are like family to me… and I will give everything I can to protecting each and every one of them."
"All the more reason we have to find ways of unlocking your potential and maximizing your ability here," Frederick replied. "I had one more question."
"Yes, Frederick?" I asked.
"What kind of lance is that?" he asked. I looked at him confused.
"It's… a steel lance? Surely you could tell by looking at it," I replied.
"During your episode there, for the briefest of moments, I saw it glow with a purple aura, almost as if there was some kind of energy flowing through it. Could have been my imagination, especially since we established this was a steel lance. My eyes were probably playing tricks on me," he said.
"Hmm. Frederick, can I ask you a question this time?" I asked.
"Yes, Raven?"
"… truthfully, if something were to happen and I lost control, would you have the ability to put me down before I hurt someone I cared about?" I asked. He paused for a second.
"Your latent ability is formidable. I must confess I cannot say either way," he replied. "However, if you learn to control what your body already knows, in time, you will become a person who never needs to have that fear."
I nodded in response. If I could truly unlock everything, it could potentially save lives in the future. That was a risk I wanted to take. But that euphoria I had as well as my subconscious desire to protect those whom I cared about. I thought about Marth and her description of me in the future. I thought about how she fearfully described the General of Flames, and it suddenly clicked into place in my head how I could end up being someone like that. It scared me, but… now I know, and knowing is half of the battle.
The other half… is to do.