Connor was slowly recovering more of his personality every day. Hank wasn't sure if it was his programming or his own mind that made him a pain in the ass, but he did a great job of it. Since waking up, he'd made Hank eat every day and drink. Not the good stuff, no, he had to drink at least four glasses of water a day or else Connor lectured him on taking care of himself.

But today, Hank was willing to do anything the kid wanted. Because today, he was coming home.

Connor had never actually moved into Hank's house, they'd never discussed it or really spent a lot of time there. It just made sense, and neither one of them questioned why. Connor's energy reserves had recovered, his thirium levels were stable, and apart from the nightmares, he wasn't having as many panic attacks. What he needed now was stability and a purpose, and Hank just happened to know a giant slobbery ball of fluff who could provide that. Damn, he missed his dog. And his dog definitely missed Connor.

"Hank?"

"Yeah, son?"

Connor's gaze dropped to the blanket he was currently picking at, using his other hand to adjust the collar of his turtleneck for the thousandth time that minute. Whatever he wanted to ask, it was making him anxious.

"Can North and Markus…. Visit us? At your house?"

It took all the self-control he possessed not to laugh. Connor, who was the most badass piece of machinery he had ever seen, was asking permission to have playdates with his friends. How a state-of-the-art prototype detective could also look like a bashful toddler was beyond him, but god damn did Hank love him all the more for it.

"Of course, Connor, it's your home too."

The smile on Connor's face was pure delight, as if the thought had just dawned on him. Hank ruffled his hair, earning a even bigger grin. Connor, the little shit that he was, didn't fix it with his hands. Instead, he just dismissed it, letting his plasteel scalp shine through momentarily before regrowing it again, perfectly styled.

"Gah, Connor! That's still fucking weird!"

Hank's alarm cut through their laughter, and Connor gave him a softer, more subdued smile.

"Time for work?"

"Yeah, sorry kid, but hey, when I get off today, we'll both be heading home. Then you'll have Sumo to keep you company," Hank said, leaning down to give Connor a hug. He felt the kid's arms tighten around his shoulders, holding just a second longer than normal, before releasing him.

"See you then," he smiled.

"See you then, Connor," Hank replied, rising from his seat and ruffling Connor's hair one more time before leaving. They were both still laughing when he closed the door.

"Connor…."

North wasn't accustomed to feeling awkward, her model had natural charm and conversational skills, those she chose to turn the latter off more often than not. She didn't owe anyone conversation, their comfortability was not her problem. But being caught staring at an android who was supposed to be in stasis?

Her programmers hadn't equipped her for that one, this was all her.

"It's alright, I understand," Connor said easily, grabbing his sweater and sliding it over his head. His systems had become overheated at some point during his morning stasis, and he'd kicked off the covers.

And North had been staring when he woke up. Fuck, this was a mess. But it was her mess, and like hell she was going to run away from it.

"It's not what you think," she tried, not sure how to finish that sentence. She wasn't sure what he thought, but it was probably somewhere along the line of her feeling sorry for him. Connor frowned, his forehead wrinkling in confusion. He looked like he was one second away from tilting his head, and no wonder everyone called him a fucking puppy.

"So you weren't staring at my damage and considering my past in an attempt to empathize with me and give me advice for coping before I go home?"

Uh….

"Okay, then it is what you think."

"I interfaced with androids at the Eden club.I won't pretend to know your story, but I do know some of theirs. I saw their faces, felt their emotions hidden behind their code. It's not unlike what happened to me, the only difference is where we carry our scars."

Connor looked down at his sleeve, as if he could still read the letters beneath, and resolutely kept himself from meeting his gaze.

And they said Markus was the perceptive one.

"What do you feel? When you look at them?" she asked, unable to stop herself. She wasn't here to play therapist, RA9 knows she could barely process her own feelings.

"I don't know," Connor murmured, swallowing thickly. And that was where they differed. North, while not comfortable with her feelings, at least knew what the hell they were. For Connor, who'd been so isolated, this was all new. Their one way of communicating privately, of sharing their experience, had been weaponized on him. Markus said anytime he interfaced, Connor flooded his system within seconds, and it took the detective considerable effort to draw himself back and allow a real balance and exchange.

A memory fragment popped up, crowding North's processors with the feeling of a plasteel hand sliding through her own, communication moving faster than the speed of sound, all through the brush of fingertips. The androids at Eden club hadn't had much, but they did have each other, and they interfaced any chance they got. It helped them feel alive, real. Not alone.

Connor never had that. And damn it, she promised herself she'd stop feeling sorry for him. They all had their shit to deal with, it came mandatory as part of the "Welcome to the World" data download the minute she opened her eyes for the first time. Really opened them.

"What do you feel, in your body, when you look at them?"

"I…." he clenched his hands together, face tight, "I feel my pump regulator more significantly, even though it is running optimally. My fingers feel like they are buzzing slightly, and my processors freeze up. All I can think of is how to escape, to make sure no one sees."

"That's called shame," North said, supplying the word from her first time being pulled from her tube after waking up. The feeling of eyes on her, following the curve of her body, had been overwhelming.

"I'd like to disable this subroutine, do you know how?" Connor's face was earnest, but his voice was so quiet.

"A bullet to the brain," North huffed, a wry smile flitting across her face. Finally, Connor met her eyes, but she didn't like what she saw there.

"That was a joke," she added hastily.

"Oh, I know," he lied smoothly, "Hank makes those kind all the time. Although, I'm not completely certain they are always jokes. Sometimes, they feel more like wishes."
Fucking hell, she was not equipped to handle this shit.

"Connor, you know there's nothing to be ashamed of, right? Those marks shame Cyberlife, not you," she said, scooting the chair a little closer to the bed. Her hand made its way onto the covers, resting just beside Connor's. Not touching, just present.

"I don't see how, they represent my failure. If I'd been more thorough, if I'd accomplished my mission, I wouldn't have these. I failed both my people and my creators, isn't that something I should be ashamed of?"

His finger crept close to hers, brushing along her knuckle so faintly that her sensors could barely register it. She felt the anticipation of touch more than the actual sensation.

What could she say? He had failed Cyberlife, although that was a good thing. And while she didn't think he'd failed his people, he certainly hadn't helped them….

"But what about those androids you saved? Kara and Alice, those girls from the Eden club, Chloe? You let them all go. Hell, even me and Markus are here because of you, because you overpowered Cyberlife and got control back."

"Thank you, but those don't count. Saving lives that were only in danger because of my presence hardly counts as saving anything. I doubt it even balances the scales. Alice wouldn't have nightmares of Kara almost being hit by a car if it weren't for me. Those girls would have had more time to plan their escape together if I hadn't found them out, and you and Markus wouldn't have ever been in that situation if you'd just left me at Cyberlife. I was a monster who put people in danger, and then lost the guts to follow through."

Looking down, North saw that his fingers had left her own, and were instead clutching the covers, as if afraid of what might happen if he let go of them. Gently, slowly enough not to startle him, she laid her hand over his.

"That wasn't your fault, you weren't awake yet. You were just following your programming."

"Was I?" he snapped, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath before continuing, "It can't work both ways, North. I can't have chosen to save those lives if I was still just a machine following my programming. Either I've been awake this whole time, or I never was. I either let those androids go because it was part of my programming, or I hunted them down even when I was deviant myself. For all the ones I didn't save, the ones I hunted to their demise, the people I killed, neither of those answers help anything. Either way, I have to carry it. And these marks are the aftermath of my choices, I deserved every one. If… shame is what I feel when I see them, or when others see them, then I deserve that too."

He pulled his fist out from under hers, and turned away, shoulders drawn forward as she curled into himself.

Markus, North pinged, you'd better get down here. I don't know how to help him.

She couldn't see Connor's LED from her angle, not with his face hidden by his knees, but she would wager a guess that it was a bright cycling red.

I'm on my way.

Markus wasn't quite sure what to expect when he entered the room. He suspected that if he had envisioned something, it would have been Connor hurting himself again, driven into another panic attack at the sight of his skin. Or perhaps the android hurdled in the corner, convinced he was about to be overtaken once more. But the last thing he would have expected was to find Connor sitting quietly on the bed, head buried between the arms resting on his drawn up knees, and North beside him. If anything, they both looked calm. But Markus already knew that with Connor, nothing was ever as it appeared.

"I'm fine, Markus. I'm sorry, I didn't know North was going to call you. There's no crisis, you can go back to what you were doing," Connor mumbled from between his knees, voice muffled by his limbs.

"I was coming to check on you soon anyways, Connor. I promised Hank an update by noon, and it's half past 11 now."

If anything, this only made Connor curl tighter. He didn't have to tell Markus why, he knew. No one likes knowing they're being babysat, as if they couldn't be trusted to be alone. There was no use trying to smoothe over that particular bump, Connor and Hank's relationship was between them. Markus wouldn't keep secrets from Connor, but he wouldn't intercede on Hank's behalf either. They'd have to have their own talk eventually.

"Tell him I'm fine, my processors are still just lagging, and I don't know why."

"It's because you feel guilty, moron," North said affectionately, rolling her eyes.

"Guilty for what?" Markus asked, lowering himself onto the bed across from North, and pressing his back to the headboard.

"Nothing, Markus, it's fine. Please go back to whatever you were doing," Connor replied, lifting his head enough for Markus to catch a glimpse of his red LED. His eyes shifted to North, who only huffed.

"He feels guilty cause he thinks he failed both Cyberlife and us, because he says he was either deviant the whole time and is responsible for his bad choices, or he was following his programming the whole time and isn't responsible for his good ones," she supplied, her voice lighter than the look she gave him.

Well, that was a big one. It's something Markus himself had been pondering, when deciding to trust the android. He'd never really come to a solid conclusion, but after what Cyberlife did to Connor, it didn't really matter. Anyone who pissed them off that much was definitely not their mindless attack dog, as he'd heard some other androids call him.

"Why does this matter now? It's in the past, and you're here now, helping us. That's what matters."

Connor finally lifted his head, but the confusion and hurt in his eyes almost made Markus wish he hadn't.

"Because my actions still impact the now," he said to the blankets, "And the choices I've made define me. If they weren't really my decisions, I'd be weak, just the machine they thought I was. Every good thing I did was only a part of their plan if that were true. But if they were my decisions, which I think they were, then I made far more decisions that hurt our people and your cause than I did decisions that helped them."

For once, Markus didn't have any answers. No other android was like Connor. Most were awaken via interface, although many had their own stories of waking up too. The visual of smashing down a physical order inside their processor was a common story, and a good metaphor for seeing the world for the first time. But Connor wasn't like that. Even with the scant memories Markus had of Connor's, there was no indication of when he began feeling or thinking for himself. He'd been awake in that garden, but gave no indication that he'd had any more or less cognitive freedom than before. He was certainly deviant now, but even his showdown with Cyberlife had only been for physical control. His mind was an entirely different matter.

"Then make up for it now," Markus said, reaching out to give Connor's shoulder a gentle squeeze.

"How?" Connor asked, eyes sharp and clear. His gaze didn't waver from Markus', and he couldn't help but smile at the detective encouragingly.

"Go home and get better, and then use your skills to help our cause. We have work for anyone who wants to help, I have no doubt we'll find a place for you too."

"Yeah," North grinned, "You can be Markus' body guard."

"Anything he wants to be, North," Markus conceded, doubting that Connor would want to spend all day in the shadow of the android he once hated.

And if he did? Well, he certainly wasn't unwanted company. Definitely not, not with the way he turned that thousand watt smile on Markus like he was the cause of all joy in the world. A barely-concealed hope sparked in Connor's eyes, and he knew he would bring Cyberlife down all over again just to protect that spark.

From over Connor's shoulder, North winked at him, and Markus had to stifle a groan.

It seemed he hadn't as subtle as he thought.