Chapter Seventeen
It's blurry and doesn't seem real. I feel exhausted and it's as if the world doesn't make sense anymore but I'm wondering if she already knows that. I see Fuwa on the ground and I feel unable to say anything. I've never felt so helpless. I hate feeling helpless. Kyoko is smoothing back my hair but I'm not following a word she's saying. I need help but I don't know how to express that. I need some serious help.
It's like my brain isn't ready to be fully accessed and I've lost connection with it. If I concentrate I'll be able to listen to her. She's looking at me with a great deal of concern and I just stare in front of me. She feels my forehead and frowns but I can't work out what she's saying to me. She steps off the bed and lifts the blankets up so that I can settle down again.
I can't make sense of it. All I get is weird colors and a buzzing in my head, I hear her speak but the words don't come out as words to me. She pushes my hair back and kisses my forehead before grabbing Fuwa by the collar of his shirt and shoves him outside, closing the door quietly behind her.
I hear an argument start but it still doesn't make sense to me. I really need a professional to tell me what's going on. I don't understand what is going on. I close my eyes. Just after the accident, I had trouble talking but I could still make out words if I concentrated hard enough. I'm just becoming a burden to my family.
I close my eyes and feel myself drift off but as the door opens and closes again, I turn towards my wife with a weak smile. I feel like I need care that I don't want to ask for. Kyoko approaches me and kisses my cheek since my face is still covered by the respirator mask. She looks at me before tears appear in her own eyes. She says something and I can't work it out. Finally she speaks even slower than she was doing so so every syllable takes the space of a word, "Co—rn," she says trying to speak slowly and clearly. "Ca-n y-ou he-ar m-e?" I can understand that and nod before feeling a sharp pain in my forehead.
Kyoko immediately reaches for something, the call button for the nurse. She wraps her arms around me before pushing my hair back. "I-t's o-ka-y. Yo-u'll be o-ka-y." I hear the doctor rush into the room and it becomes too hard to keep conscious. I hear Kyoko sniffle but then all I hear is the sound of the heart monitor.
….
….
I know that as I sit with Kuon, he's not fully present but he is conscious. He has some awareness of the world and he's not in a coma any longer, the doctors have also said that he's stable. He's not acting as he was before though. It's as if his progress has gone backwards and I don't know if I have the tools to help him. I push his hair back again hoping that it comforts him. It's comforted him in the past.
"Shotaro," I growl with my hate showing in my eyes. "I want you to get the hell out of here."
Kuon is sick. The last thing he needs is this asshole in the same room as him. I can't believe Shotaro pushed him when he's attached to so many machines, when his appearance doesn't betray how ill he must feel. Right now, as much as I hate to admit it, Kuon is incapable of fighting back or even defending himself. You don't come into the hospital room of a person who has almost died in the past twelve hours and shove him when he has no way of defending himself.
Kuon was and I believe he still is physically strong but he can't protect himself when he's going through something that would have killed most other people. "Are you okay?" I ask as I try to comfort him but he stares at me as if he doesn't hear what I'm saying. I take his hand, my head bowed as I rub my thumb in circles across the back of it. "Corn? Are you going to be okay sweetheart?" I ask and he's still staring through me. I kiss his cheek. He probably needs more rest.
"Why do you concern yourself with him?" Shotaro laughs bitterly, "He's the one who turned Japan against me. He's the one who ruined my career. He's just some retarded prick who doesn't give a damn about anyone else and most certainly doesn't give a crap about you," Sho says in Japanese and I feel my demons starting to swarm.
"Retarded prick?" I ask him as the anger radiates through my body. "You do realize that Kuon has more important things that he needs to focus on than getting revenge on some no-name pseudo celebrity. You're not even significant enough to think about." I tell him bitterly. "Kuon and I are trying to handle his health issues, we're trying to take care of our daughters, we're trying to live a good and happy life despite him covering for something that you could have easily done. The footage came out because of how big of a celebrity he is. He didn't choose for it to be shown. You're tasting your own karma, it's what you deserve but don't think for a moment that Kuon has time to think about actively destroying you."
I take a look back at Kuon, he's not following any of this and I can see the confusion in his expression. He has more that he has to take care of than letting this asshole attack him both physically and verbally. I go over to him, push his beautiful and soft hair back and kiss his cheek. "I'll be right back," I tell him before grabbing Shotaro by the collar of his shirt dragging him out of Kuon's room.
After I close the door, I shove Shotaro back until his back is against the wall and I spread my hand out over his throat, my whole body is shaking with how much I want to kill him. "How dare you!" I yell at him. "This is a hospital, we are in a hospital. Kuon doesn't have the time nor the energy to destroy your career. You did that to yourself so don't you dare blame him. He hasn't done anything to you. He hasn't approached you or talked about you or even given a damn about you since the accident, we're more concerned on getting him to feel better and on focusing on our children."
"That's the problem," Shotaro says in a disgusted manner, "You're entirely devoted to him. This is no different from when you were that plain, boring, stupid girl that I brought to Tokyo and spent ever moment thinking about me. I'm trying to save you from that -"
"This is nothing like that," I hiss. "Yes, I'm entirely devoted to him and our daughters. Yes, my world revolves around Kuon right now and taking care of Kuon and the girls but that doesn't mean it's anything like what you put me through." I glare again, I want to kill him and it's taking a lot of restraint not to kill him right now. "Kuon proposed to me, married me, we've celebrated anniversaries together and more than that he got hurt because he was trying to save my life. You didn't even make an attempt to help me. So say I'm plain and boring and even stupid but Kuon makes me feel beautiful and that life is worth living and don't worry," I say with a cold laugh, "You'll be hearing from a lawyer and if you dare to come near him again, I will cut off your balls and skin you alive. I'll make Mio Hongo look like an angel compared to what I can do to you."
"Mio Hongo?" he blinks and I stare at him.
"If you have to ask that question then you're not worthy of my time," I tell him before entering the room again. Kuon is watching me but I can tell he's still not fully present. "I'm back," I tell him as I kiss his cheek and he stares at me as if he doesn't know what I just said. I don't know how he's feeling mentally but there's a good chance that it's not registering with him.
I hate to do this but I take a deep breath and say as slowly as I can, "Corn, can you hear me?" I don't want to treat him as if he's stupid, he's not stupid. I don't want to treat him like a child but it's the only thing I can think of. He finally nods but then has a very pained look on his face as he flinches and then cringes. Something went wrong.
I immediately press the call button for the nurse. I don't want him to have another seizure. I hold him, my body drawn like a magnet towards his. "It's okay," I try to comfort him. "You'll be okay." I will murder Shotaro for doing this to Kuon especially if the damage he's done is irreversible. The doctors come in and Kuon loses consciousness again. I sob as I watch this. Kuon has always been so strong and the one to protect me but he's here, weaker than I ever imagined I'd see him.
I understand how hard he's fighting to even stay alive.
…
…
I look over at files that I don't understand, tests and examination results and the X-rays and MRI images. All I know is that these are Kuon's tests. These will tell me about how to best help my husband. I bow my head and take a deep breath in. "How do I help him?" I ask as I lift my head up. That's all I care about. If he gets better then the happy life I built for myself can survive, no, even if my life gets drained, he'll be alive and that's most important.
"It appears to me that Kuon, Mr. Hizuri," the doctor says as he looks at me for verification.
"Kuon," I nod as I squeeze my wrist. He's my Kuon Hizuri just as I always wanted to call him my Ren Tsuruga. He's been at my side for years. He's provided me and our children with so much love. I will never tire of hearing his gorgeous, unique name. "Is he going to survive?"
"He's going to be unable to take care of himself properly," the doctor says and I nod. As upsetting as it sounds, I was expecting that to be the case. "He'll need help with a lot of the things for functioning on a daily basis."
I take a deep breath in and bow my head. I can take time off work despite how he'll dislike it. I don't mind caring for him when he needs it. At least he'll be alive. I look up at the doctor. They don't understand just how hard I'll work to support him. "Tell me what he needs. Can you give me a list or some papers or anything that could help. I want to learn to take care of hi-"
"I think an assisted living community might be for the best. I can give you the details on an exclusive and extremely private one where he'll be able to receive the care that is needed." I stare at him before shaking my head. I don't want for him to be there. I don't want him to be alone and more than anything I want him with me. I shiver. Maybe I'm selfish and denying him help he needs.
"No," I argue with tears in my eyes. "I want him at home with me. I'll look after him. I'll get him whatever help he needs just please…" I whisper, "please don't take him away from me."
"Even if it's for the best that he go?" the doctor asks and I bow my head. Is it really selfish of me to keep him?
End of Chapter Seventeen
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Thank you to Kaname671 for reviewing Chapter Sixteen