Worries

January 1998
Aurora

Aurora sat at the iron table in the greenhouse, staring out the window at the snow-covered grounds surrounding the manor. The sky was overcast, and a brittle wind had been blowing all day, though she hadn't actually stepped outside. She could see it raking through the now dead gardens over the back lawn. Ryan babbled away in his playpen as he played with his various toys. Sighing, she looked down at the letter on the table in front of her and her long-cold tea.

It was short, as though McGonagall barely had any time to jot down what was there. And it was the same as always. The students were safe. Ellie was safe. Evan Selwyn hadn't been seen anywhere near the castle.

It was becoming increasingly difficult to get anything in and out of Hogwarts without Snape or one of the Carrows catching on. However, McGonagall had finally managed. But it had taken three weeks to get any word since Ellie left.

It was bad enough that Remus was still gone. And Evan hadn't been seen. One more thing and Aurora was sure that she would completely lose the little hold that she had on her sanity.

"Aurora," Shacklebolt called out. Aurora immediately jumped to her feet, eager to hear whatever news he had for her. He had been out most of the day with Tonks and she was eager to hear if he had anything for her. Ryan pulled himself up, holding onto the edge of the playpen. Shacklebolt stopped as he walked into the greenhouse, taking in Aurora. She was wringing her hands and shifting from one foot to the other.

"Has he eaten?" Tonks asked, walking in behind Shacklebolt and going over to the baby.

"Yes, not long ago," Aurora said, looking over to see the young auror pick him up. "He needs to go down for a nap."

"I can take care of that," Tonks said, offering her a smile as she walked out of the greenhouse with him. Aurora turned to Shacklebolt, the worry setting in even deeper. If Tonks was taking the baby away, this couldn't be good news. Why was Tonks taking the baby away? Was it Remus? Had he seen him? Was something wrong?

"How is he? Is he hurt?" she asked urgently. "Please don't tell me he's dead."

"He's not dead, Aurora. Remus is fine," Shacklebolt said, noting that Aurora began to relax almost immediately. Though it wasn't for long.

"What else is it, then?" she asked, starting to pace again. Shacklebolt didn't want to say it out loud but more and more lately, Aurora was starting to look and act like Sirius had in those final months he was stuck at headquarters. Even just normal updates seemed to set her off. And part of him knew that they needed to find something for her to focus on, to take her mind off being cooped up here or else she would likely run off and straight into something dangerous without thinking.

Much like Sirius had.

"Remus is fine. He not making much progress, but still thinks there's a chance he can convince a few not to join the Dark Lord," Shacklebolt said, keeping his voice calm and even, hoping it would help.

"And Evan?" Aurora asked, her voice dropping to a whisper. Shacklebolt sighed.

"Still in the wind," he replied. "But we'll find him. I know we will." Aurora nodded and turned away, walking through the plants towards the windows.

"Thank you, Kingsley. Mrs. Clark will take care of you in the kitchen if you need anything," she said.

"Thank you," he said before turning and leaving the room. Aurora sighed and looked down, rubbing her forehead. It wasn't much in the way of news, but at least it wasn't bad, horrible news.

It had been nearly three weeks since Remus ran off. Nearly three weeks that Ellie had been at Hogwarts. And much longer since the last time they had heard about Evan. He could be anywhere, planning anything. Even planning to take Ellie from Hogwarts. She turned and rushed back over to the table, picking up the letter and scanning through it again.

It wasn't very long, likely all McGonagall could send for the time being. Writing in code took a while and she was busy with her classes as well as looking out for the students. She assured Aurora that Ellie was safe and unharmed. She hadn't been in detention with the Carrows - thank goodness - and seemed to have settled into her classes and schoolwork. She once again assured Aurora that she and the other professors were doing everything that they could to make sure all the students were safe and that no one got into the castle that shouldn't be there.

Sighing, Aurora sat down in the chair and put the letter down. She wished that Remus would write her directly, but instead he sent word through Shacklebolt. It would have to do for now. She wanted to talk about that night and having so many things left unsaid only increased her anxiety.

As if she didn't have enough to worry about at the moment. This war was going to kill her from anxiety alone.

Taking a deep breath, she stood and started to make her way to the kitchen. There was going to be a meeting that night and she needed to make sure they had tea and provisions ready. At least it was something to focus on.

Aurora sat in the den, looking down at her teacup as Shacklebolt spoke. She had hoped McGonagall would be there but figured from the letter that she wouldn't. Fair enough. She looked up and around the room, noting the faces that were missing. Nearly half of them were gone somewhere. The Weasley twins had tried to keep things light and airy, but even they were rather quiet tonight. Swallowing she brought the teacup to her lips and took a sip, trying to still the shaking of her hands, but from the look she saw Molly Weasley giving her out of the corner of her eye, she could clearly tell she was failing. Instead, she put the teacup down on a nearby table and held her hands together on her lap.

"What's being done about Hogwarts?" she asked during a lull in conversation. Everyone looked at her. It wasn't the first time she had brought it up. In fact, nearly every meeting they had, she asked about the school or mentioned it, though she was sure that the others were just as worried. Shacklebolt sighed.

"As we've said before, we're doing everything that can be done. We have members taking turns watching Hogsmeade, though it's becoming more difficult to get into the village or even near the castle. McGonagall is doing everything she can from inside," he said. It was the same thing that he had always said, but it never made her feel any better.

"They'll be fine," Molly said calmly, reaching over to pat her hand. Aurora nodded and looked at her lap as Shacklebolt continued on with the next bit of news. She zoned out, not really paying attention to it. What did it matter? She wasn't allowed to leave the manor anyway. No, all she could do was stay here and wait. Spend her time in the greenhouse working on potions and whatnot. Look after Ryan and the refugee aurors that were living there, though coming and going with increasing frequency. She waited until Shacklebolt had finished before politely excusing herself and going to retrieve the baby from Mrs. Clark.

Ryan was a bit fussy when she took him to his room, but she knew it was because he was tired and needed to go down for the night. As soon as she arrived in the room, she began walking around, bouncing him as she sang softly. But he wouldn't settle, just continued crying. Aurora felt tears prick at her own eyes as she continued.

"Please, my dear, you need to sleep," she said as a tear slid down her cheek. She looked down at his face, scrunched up as he wailed. "Oh, I know… I miss him too," she whispered. "But he's not here, so I need you to go down for me. Can you do that?" She put him on her shoulder, patting his back as she squeezed her eyes shut and continued bouncing him, more tears pouring down her own cheeks. "Yes… I know it's not fair… but we have to keep on…"

"Aurora?"

She turned to look at the door to the nursery, seeing Molly standing there with a worried look on her face.

"I can't seem to get him to settle down," she said, her voice shaking. Molly walked over and took the baby from her arms and then went to sit down in the rocking chair, singing softly as she rocked him. Soon enough, Ryan stopped crying before he finally closed his eyes. Aurora stood watching, wiping the tears from her cheeks. She felt like a failure in that moment. What mother couldn't get her own child to settle down? Couldn't comfort her own son? Molly then stood and walked over, placing the baby in the crib. She turned towards Aurora, leading her out of the room.

"Thank you," she breathed. "It's been… a bit harder to get him down since…"

"Oh, my dear," Molly said, pulling the younger woman into her arms for a hug. "I know it's not been easy…"

"I just… what if something happens to him? Or to Ellie? I don't think I could bear it," Aurora said, her voice breaking. "I can't lose anyone else. And there's not a goddamn thing I can do. I'm stuck here and there is nothing I can do… I've never felt this, this… worthless… I can't even comfort my own son… protect my own daughter..."

Molly stepped back and took Aurora's face in her hands.

"You, Aurora Greenthistle, are not worthless," she said firmly. "You are a brave witch. A formidable witch. And Ellie, Ryan and Remus, they're going to need you to be strong." Aurora remained silent. "You've made it this far; you can make it until this is all over."

"But what if-"

"We cannot dwell on the what-ifs. Dare say I drive myself batty half the time thinking about the what-ifs. Four of my sons are in the Order. Ginny is off at Hogwarts on her own. Percy is… And Ron… we haven't heard word of him in so long… but I have to have hope that they are going to be alright. That all of us are going to get through this. And you do as well. Do you hear me?" Aurora nodded as Molly smiled.

"And if it gets to be too much, then you just pop over to see me for a spot of tea and we'll talk all about it," Molly continued. Aurora nodded again. Molly patted her cheek. "You'll be alright, Aurora. We all will."

"I certainly hope so," Aurora whispered.

"And some other advice… next chance you get… tell him how you feel," Molly said.

"I'm not so sure I know how I feel," Aurora admitted, beyond the point of being shocked that Molly would have picked up on things with Remus. "We… things are so… complicated…"

"They don't have to be," Molly replied. "He loves you, Aurora. And I can see that you clearly care for him. You don't have to rush into anything if you aren't ready, but just talk to him. I think it's what you both need." Aurora gulped, though she knew Molly was right. It was what she wanted, after all. To talk to him. She wasn't sure just what to say or how to say it, but they did need to speak about so many things.

"Now then, I don't know about you, but I find a good cuppa helps me to clear my head," Molly said, starting towards the stairs and pulling Aurora along. "Arthur and I don't need to be back home soon."

"Thank you, Molly… for everything," Aurora said. Molly stopped and smiled at her.

"I'm always here if you need me."