Epilogue: Metatron's sorting plan

AN: This is the very last chapter of this story… It wasn't originally but I figured typing up one of the story arcs before the sorting was better than trying to tie it up after the fact…

I will take a few days off (to plan) and then I will begin the first of the reading the books parts of this series… there will be NO actual text from the HP books in the reading parts… instead I will summarise the finer points of each chapter. After each book, the characters will watch the movies with the New York Philharmonic Orchestra playing the music live (13 months ago I went to see Love Actually at the Glasgow Royal Concert Hall with the Royal Scottish National Orchestra playing the music live and it was EPIC!)

It's that time of year again… The Royal Rumble is in 19 days time. Those of you who know will recognise something from the 2005 Royal Rumble… Those who don't, please look for the 2005 royal rumble drawing on youtube.

I will not include the entire sorting — just the groups and a sentence about each one because if I included the entire sorting it would get very boring indeed… I may or may not write a one shot of just the sorting at a later date.

Metatron's *Point of View*

I have a plan in mind for "sorting" the chosen into their "houses" even for the ones who might be a combination of more than one house. A badge system,

I had persuaded The Sorting Hat to join us in New York, to sort our guests into groups… 12 groups in all Gryffindor, Gryffinpuff, Gryfferin Gryffinclaw, Hufflepuff Huffleclaw, Hufflein, Huffledor, Ravenclaw, Ravenpuff, Raverin, Ravendor, Slytherin, Slytherclaw, Slytherpuff, and Slytherdor. The more dominant house traits would determine what the combination would be.

I had asked The Gregoriate Council to arrange the magically expanded room with 12 sections around, a raised reading platform and a large jail cell. They had outdone themselves. At the back of the large coffee-cup shaped room, was a door that led to the kitchen, sleeping facilities and restrooms. Behind the plinth where the readers would stand (or sit) there was a wheelchair ramp, with a grab rail so that it would be fully accessible. At the front of the reading platform was an adjustable pulpit, off to the side was a Barcalounger recliner chair for those unable to stand for long periods of time.

When the delegation from Hogwarts finally arrived, after a very long tiring journey, we started the process of sorting and introductions…

The chosen had been pre-registered before the Hogwarts delegation arrived.

There was a long anteroom, with an archway leading to the reading chamber, under that arch was The Sorting Hat…

Serendipity had arranged the groups in alphabetical order and placed the group titles on pieces of paper, in round pods which she put in a gold tumbler. The tumbler handle was cranked 30 times, ready for the first drawing.

"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls welcome to Central Perk Reading Hotel. We are here to read 7 books and watch 8 movies about a boy wizard.
All right, now, here's what we're going to do. In the order you've been given, we're going to proceed into the reading room, under the arch you will submit to a security scan then head on to be sorted into one of twelve houses… 4 are regular Hogwarts houses 8 are combination houses. After you're sorted, please walk through the arch and take your seat… Once you're sorted your name will appear on a placard which will be on your seat… once you're in there, you must take the placard and put it round your neck and wear it during the readings. Once the readings have concluded for the day, the placards will return to your seat and you will go to your rooms. Serendipity seated you in alphabetical order, she took the name of your group, wrote it on paper, placed it inside one of these pods and put the pods in the gold tumbler on the desk beside me. Rufus cranked the handle 30 times and now, I will draw the order of entry. The placards on your seats will have your drawn number on the reverse. One last thing, you may not all get the same house. Also, the Gregoriate Council will go last."

"There are 3 Delegates in the room already, we had to sort them early for security reasons" said Serendipity

6 robots got up. They clanked through the archway where Rufus scanned them with the hand held scanner. If the scanner made a shrieking noise, the delegate would get picked up by the scruff of the neck by a metal hand based on the idea of a certain famous mouse Club House owner's Handy Helpers, and — depending on the severity of their transgression — forced to sit atop either a Bullet Bill, Boomerang Flower, a red Koopa shell, a Green Koopa shell, bob-omb, Chain Chomp or a spiny blue shell. The device would take them from the sorting area and throw them through the bars of the Prison Pit. Serendipity had the list of delegates in her hand… she read each name aloud — by group — and the enchanted quill scored them off.

The first group is… The Autobots.

The first of them — a red and blue Autobot stepped towards the arch and then said "We are a small delegation of The Autobot species. My name is Optimus Prime. My associates are Bumblebee, Sideswipe, Ratchet, Wheeljack and Cliffjumper."

"The next group is… The Mob Wives"

"I'm Renee, that's Karen, That's Drita, Brittany, Carla, Ramona and Natalie. There was one other who was in our group but she's gone now…"

Agent A stepped up from behind me.

"Hi my babies!"

There was a lot of hugging and crying.

"Ange if you want to go through with them you can"

"OK thanks"

"Next, the WWE superstars"

"I'm Vince McMahon. This is my wife Linda… my son Shane, my daughter-in-law Lilian, my daughter Stephanie, my son in law Paul and his best friend Shawn"

Shawn and Paul shared a look that very plainly said "If only you knew the truth…"

"Hey Vince there's a package waiting for you"

Vince looked confused until Linda leaned in and whispered something to him. His eyes went wide, and he said "ohhhh! I'll be sure to pick it up, later"

"No problem, I will inform the PostMaster"

"OK"

Before Shane went through the arch he said "My father and I are both severely Dyslexic."

"We know, don't worry, we'll make sure the filters are in place when its your turn to read…"
"Mine is green, his is yellow"

"Next are the Friends"

"What have you done to Central Perk?"

"We've turned it temporarily into a reading hotel"

"cool"
"Introductions please?"
"I'm Monica, that's Phoebe, that's Rachel, then we have my goofy brother Ross, his best friend Chandler and finally, Joey"

"Next, Robin Hood Prince of Thieves"

"My name is Lady Marian DuBois, that's The Sheriff of Nottingham, and behind him is Robin Locksley and Will Scarlett. Then we have Sir Guy of Gisbourne and Mortianna."

"We will have to speed up because we're going to run out of time to finish so I'm going to call 3 delegations forward… next, Hannah Montana, Lizzie McGuire and The Babysitters Club"

"I'm Miley, that's my dad, Robby Ray, my bodyguard Roxy, my annoying brother Jackson and my three best friends, Rico, Lilly and Oliver"

"I'm Lizzie, that's my mom Jo, my dad Sam, my annoying brother Matt, and his best friends Melina and Lanny, and finally my best friends, Miranda and Gordo. My best enemy Kate Sanchez and finally Ethan Kraft."

"I'm Kristy, I'm the President of the BSC. That's Claudia, Mary-Anne, Constance, Wendy, Mallory, Jessi, Abby, Anna and Stacey. We are the original BSC. Due to having to attend Hogwarts however, we have allowed the older teens that we know to take over the club on our behalf."

"Next is Harry Potter, Star Wars and Malcolm in the Middle"
"I'm Malcolm, that's Dewey, Reece, Francis, Jamie and Olivia… Our parents, Hal and Lois."

"I'm Qui-Got Jinn, that's Obi-Wan Kenobi, Padme Amadala, General Leia Organa, Kylo Ren, and Master Yoda"

"I don't know why you think my name is Harry Potter, it's not… it's Perseus Orion Black-Lupin. My parents, Remus Lupin and Sirius Black, my twin Romulus Xerxes Black-Lupin, my significant other Severus Snape, my godparents, Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy, my best friend Natasha Riddle, her sisters Persephone and Cassiopeia, The real Hogwarts Headmaster, Professor Riddle and his depute and significant other, Professor McGonagall, My other best friends Neville Longbottom, Fred and George Weasley,the other teachers and students of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."

"We were lead to believe by the author inside that room that you were called Harry Potter."

"The final delegations — at this location, Dance Moms, The Sopranos, Cake Boss, and Marvel and DC Superheroes."

"I'm Abby Miller, these are my students, Kelani, Maddie, Mackenzie, Brooke, Paige, Nia, Kendall and Payton."

"I'm Buddy Valastro, these are my sisters Maddelena, Grace Lisa and Mary, and my brothers in law, Joey, Mauro and Joe, and my head baker Danny."

"Tony Soprano, Paulie Walnuts, Carmella Soprano, AJ Soprano, Dr Melfi and Uncle Junior."

"I'm Meg, that's Jo, Beth and Amy, our mother, our Aunt March, our father, our neighbour Theodore Laurence, and his Grandfather, and his tutor John Brooke"

A horde of brightly dressed superheroes entered next…

"There's only a couple of us from DC, I'm Bruce Wayne - CEO of Wayne Enterprises and of course, Batman, that's Alfred Pennyworth, Arthur Fleck, The Joker, Oswald Cobblepot - The Penguin and Selena Kyle, better known as Catwoman… oh and right at the very back, is R'as Al-Ghul and Bane"

"Tony Stark - Iron Man, Steve Rogers - Captain America, Peter Parker - Spiderman, Bruce Banner - The Hulk, Thor, Antman and The Wasp."

"OK That's everyone… Angel Agents, secure the doors, Set the Time Bubble and set up the link to the other secure location."

""Right… The Reading rules…

There is to be no interrupting

Discussion will happen after the Reading of 4 chapters, We will retire to bed after chapter 6 and we will finish Reading tomorrow - the Reading tomorrow will begin at 10am. please nominate one representative for your group who will write down your questions. Nominees, please raise your hands so that Serendipity can issue the notebooks, these notebooks are linked to a master notebook. Everyone else has a pack of notecards in front of them where they can note down questions to hand to their representative.

Persons who flout the rules will end up in the jail cell.

Persistent wrongdoing will mean expulsion from the readings and obliviation

Meals will be 3 times per day, the house elves know about any and all dietary requirements - one of the reasons you were sent through the soul purity filter, is that the saliva Reading sends all necessary dietary information to the kitchen."

"Now, the structure of the Reading" said Rufus "Each of you has a number, that number is inside here"

He clicked his fingers and everyone got a number.

"Now that everyone has a number, we will do the random selection"

"The first reader is...