AN: I'm know it's been too long but hopefully this is worth the wait. I'll be leaving for my honeymoon in like two days so my crazy busy season is almost done. Once I'm back I'll hopefully get back to writing more again. Thank you all again for being SO patient with me.

Happy New Year! May 2020 be kind to you.

Chapter 17: Crossroads

Things are definitely awkward.

Well, awkward might actually be an understatement for what's currently happening but you're still in shock so you're not really articulate enough to come up with a different word.

But what can you do except sit there on their couch - no, Brittany's couch - and watch as the three of them on their balcony on the other side of the glass door. Brittany seems to be the only one talking - very animatedly - as the other two look like they're trying and failing to get a few words in.

Every few seconds one of them will glance inside and offer a polite smile and then go right back into their heated conversation.

So yeah. Awkward.

It's obvious she's scolding them. They blindsided the both of you and sure it wasn't right but at the same time… she's here. Brittany's right in front of you and you're not exactly mad about it.

It's been more than two years of radio silence. Two years without seeing her smile or hearing her laugh. A lot has happened since and honestly you don't know if you want to hear what she's been up to because... you're scared. How many people have come into her life since you? Have many people have left it?

It's an anxious feeling you have, knowing that you'll soon find out.

But above all of that, you somehow feel a sense of happiness. Relief almost. She's okay. And from the looks of it, healthy. She's surrounded by people that aren't complete assholes and that thought alone helps with your anxiety.

The unknown doesn't hurt anymore.

But Brittany might not be on the same page as you with how she feels seeing you again and the last thing you want to do is make her feel cornered.

So with a conflicted heart, you grab your bag and head for the door. As soon as you open the door you're met with another familiar blonde standing at the doorway and if you weren't thrown earlier, you definitely are now.

"What the hell-"

"Are you're just gonna stand there and stare, or can you at least grab this bottle of wine and make yourself useful?" She looks expectantly at you. You're still trying to piece everything together so your feet stay planted as she rolls her eyes and moves past you into the kitchen, "What are you even doing here anyways?"

"I-" You close the door in front of you and turn around, "Honestly, I'm not really sure."

She glances out to the balcony at the three arguing roommates and then looks back at you. "Already stirring up trouble I see?"

"Don't be such a bitch, Q. How do you even know that's because of me?"

"Because you're you, S."

It's a staring contest and you're determined to win. You've worked with Quinn Fabray more than a few times now and truth be told she's pretty chill. You don't know much about her aside from the fact that she works billing at the studio and you have to fight with her every time there's a problem with your paycheck. Which is often enough that you've started bantering about how bad she is at her job.

"Wait, are you leaving?" Brittany's voice cuts through you again and you didn't even realize that the three of them came in from outside.

"Oh," You look between everyone, staring back at you expectantly, "I just thought… I don't know."

Brittany shakes her head, "No, I'm sorry, I was just caught off guard. You don't have to leave."

"Someone want to fill me in?" Quinn whispers toward the other two roommates but Mercedes hushes her quickly.

"Unless of course you don't want to stay." Brittany takes the smallest step back and her head hangs slightly, "I'll understand."

"I'll stay." You say quickly, pushing down the urge to step forward, "I-I want to stay."

Brittany looks at you and her eyes soften. You take the opportunity to really look at her. She's beautiful. Two years later, even in her comfy airport clothes, she's still the most beautiful person you've ever set your eyes on. You don't know if you're not supposed to think thoughts like that, but at this point you honestly don't care. She's here. Standing right in front of you, looking at you and you're mesmerized.

"Seriously, what is happening?" Quinn whispers again and Brittany turns a shade of pink before turning away from you.

"Alrighty then," Mercedes perks up and smiles at you, "Let's get dinner started!"

It's an awkward sort of shuffle because you're technically a guest but you still want to help. But Jake laughs at you and pulls you away from the kitchen, back into the living room.

"Come on, Miss Lopez, we still haven't gotten the chance to catch up yet."

"Jake, you can call me Santana. Please. You're boyband good looks and youthful skin complexion is offensive enough." You tell him and he laughs easily, agreeing.

Surprisingly enough, your conversation with Jake isn't exactly catching up. He doesn't talk much about the past. Well, the past you were expecting, at least. Mostly, you talk with him about his time in the city. He talks very animatedly about the lead pastor of their church, someone who took him under their wings and helped him tremendously during his transition.

Talking with Jake is oddly comforting. It almost makes you forget your surroundings. Almost. That is, until Brittany walks back in from her bedroom after taking a shower and you're immediately flushed red, you're sure of it. You try not to watch her walk through the living room but you fail miserably. When she catches your eyes, you turn away quickly.

"What happened?" Jake asks, once Brittany's out of earshot. "Sorry, I know it's none of my business, it's just…"

"She never told you?"

He shakes his head, "I know that keyboard is yours, though. So I figured there wasn't any bad blood."

It's a little weird, talking to a former student about this particular topic, but at least it's someone. Rachel and Kurt have tried to talk to you about it but you always refuse. They wouldn't have understood, anyways.

"It's thanks to her, by the way. The reason your song is still properly credited to you. Once it started picking up, she made it a point to get the word out that it's yours."

"God, my song. I never would've thought…"

"Yeah that's on me, sorry about that." He ducks his head, "I felt so connected to it that I couldn't help myself from sharing."

"No, no, it's okay." You don't have the heart to be mad at him. If your song helped him as much as it did you, then it was all worth it.

"Dinner's ready." Brittany comes up behind you and you can only freeze until she walks away again. It's weird not knowing how to act around her. You don't know her boundaries yet and even more so, you don't know your own.

"Just breathe, Santana. You'll be fine." Jake chuckles and you glare back at him.

The table is already set and you quickly take the end seat next to Mercedes, not wanting to chance someone else possibly sitting next to you. Someone like Brittany. You almost feel at ease but then Brittany takes the seat right across from you.

"Is it okay if I sit here?" She says softly, noticing the way you're shifting in your seat.

"Sit where you want. It's your house, Britt." You shrug, but then immediately realize your slip.

It doesn't go unnoticed, especially to the others at the table and suddenly all eyes are on the two of you. Brittany doesn't seem to mind the ease with which you used her nickname, and instead smiles shyly at you. You're blushing again and this time you're on display for everyone to see. Why is this so hard?

Brittany quickly realizes your discomfort and turns to the others, "Your food's getting cold."

They clear their throats in unison and return to their dinners, relieving you from your embarrassment. You eat quietly and listen as the others talk. It's only when Brittany starts talking about her trip that you notice the shiny piece of hardware sitting atop her ring finger and your heart drops unexpectedly.

"So LA is looking good then?" Quinn asks her suddenly, and your ears perk up, wanting to know more about what business she had in Los Angeles and why it would be looking good. A bachelorette party? A destination wedding? Maybe a honeymoon? Or even perhaps an anniversary celebration?

"Really good." Brittany nods, "I think we've got a good shot at this grant."

You exhale subtly, realizing it was a work trip, though your eyes are unable to leave the sight of that rock on her hand.

"That's so awesome, Britt."

"You might actually get that budget you've been asking for." Brittany responds to Jake with the biggest smile.

"Well, if that's true then we need to celebrate!"

She laughs, shaking her head, "Never celebrate before the win, young one."

The others laugh along when Jake feigns offense and your eyes find Brittany's. Is she engaged? Already married? Does her husband live here too?

"So you work in grants now?" You attempt some form of small talk, trying to get your mind off that damn ring and she hums, nodding her head.

"For a non-profit, Crossroads."

Ah. You grin at the vaguely familiar name, "A religious non-profit. How very on-brand for you."

You're testing the waters. It's playful but not too much, enough to get her to raise an eyebrow and smirk, "Yes, a religious non-profit. Particularly for youth. LGBT youth."

You're eyes widen and she chuckles before continuing, "I think we all know how hard of a struggle it is when faith is involved. Most people feel like their at a crossroads, identity or religion. See, the hardest part is in making that choice but really, you don't have to choose. Your identity can exist there, at that point. You can have both who you are and what you believe."

You're frozen, not knowing what to make of her words and she continues, holding your eyes, "Because it's not wrong. It's not a sin."

The way she says it does something to you. It almost hurts in a way to hear her say those four words, knowing that those were the very ones that left you brokenhearted. Or, at least, the lack of those words did.

"I'm a part of their outreach team," Jake speaks up from the other end of the table, "Crossroads makes a real difference in people's lives, mine included."

"Hear hear." Brittany raises her glass, winking at the younger boy.

You have so many questions but you don't want to push it. Brittany and Jake have changed so much, but yet also not at all. The conversation moves on easily but you're thoughts definitely haven't.

Did Jake help Brittany come to terms with everything? Or were the roles reversed? Or maybe they helped each other? Does this mean Brittany no longer struggles with her sexuality and faith? Wait, then that means her significant other could very well be a she.

But then why would Mercedes and Jake trick you into coming here? There's no way they would intentionally hurt you like this, knowing as much as they do. At least you think they wouldn't. Unless, maybe they don't like the person and they secretly want you to swoop in and save the day. You shake your head quickly to try and rid yourself of those thoughts. You're getting ahead of yourself. You need to stop doing that.

"Hey," Brittany whispers and it snaps you back to reality, "Are you okay?"

"I'm sorry, I don't think I can do this." You say, mostly to yourself, "This was a mistake." You look at her and she frowns. From the lack of noise coming from the others at the table, you know everyone heard you too.

"Okay seriously, what in the world is going on?" Quinn asks and is quickly quieted by Mercedes and Jake.

Brittany watches you carefully and you shift in your seat again. You hands find your lap and you wipe your palms on your jeans. It's too awkward. The way she's looking at you makes you feel like you're under a spotlight. This was a mistake. You need to get out.

"Excuse us," Brittany stands suddenly, grabbing your arm and pulls you into her room. She shuts the door behind you quickly, effectively making you exponentially more nervous, your wrist still burning where she had just held you.

"Britt-" You shake your head, "Brittany, what are you doing?"

"I'll never forgive myself if I let you leave here without me saying this. Especially if I'm probably never going to see you again. So if you're gonna run out of here in a panic then," she takes a deep breath and you prepare yourself, "I'm so sorry, Santana. For everything."

You blink back at her, not knowing what to say to that.

"There. You can leave if you want to. I just figured you'd rather talk in private. But know that I am sorry. I really am."

You shake your head again, "You don't have to apologize to me. I understood then and I get it. I don't blame you for anything, Brittany."

"But I do, though. I hurt you and I promised I'd never do that."

This conversation is too much for you to handle so you look away and your eyes fall on the keyboard beside you. You wonder how her significant other feels about your keyboard living in her room. You glance back at her hand and notice that her ring even sparkles in the low light of the room, making you sick.

"I know you can't trust me just yet," Brittany continues, "but I'd like it very much if you'd stay. I really do want to catch up."

"Brittany, I don't know…"

"So much has happened since-"

"Don't." You interrupt, closing your eyes, "Sorry. It's just- this is a lot right now."

You hear shuffling outside and you realize the other three must be standing right outside the door. Brittany seems to realize the same but doesn't move from her spot.

"I'm not married, by the way." She holds her left hand up, "I only wear it to stop the randoms from bothering me. It works for the most part."

"W-what are you talking about?"

"I know you noticed it, Santana." She chuckles knowingly.

"What? N-no I didn't even realize." You try to fake a laugh but it gets shot down by Jake's -you think though you're not entirely sure- half suppressed laugh on the other side of the door. So maybe you weren't as discreet as you thought.

"And I'm not seeing anyone, right now."

Oh my god, what is happening.

"Why are you telling me all of this?"

Brittany moves to sit at the edge of her bed and shrugs, "Just thought I'd throw it out there."

"Well, it's too much."

"Sorry."

"No, I just mean," You sigh, turning to face her, "What are we doing? What am I doing here?"

"I wasn't the one that invited you?" She scrunches her face in confusion and you roll your eyes because she looks so goddamn cute like that.

"I meant, what do you want me to do here? I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

"I would say let's start over…" She pauses like she's thinking over her words, "But I don't want to start over if that means we'd have to forget everything that happened between us. I definitely don't want to do that."

"Britt-"

"Look, we can be friends, right? Is that so impossible? Would that be so bad?" She stands again and walks towards you. You feel like her prey. Like goddamn Daniel in the lion's den and you think about all those months you spent being her friend before becoming something more.

"It's too risky." You hadn't intended to say it out loud but you did. Just barely above a whisper yet Brittany still caught it.

"I've really missed that." She smiles, her eyes softening slightly before taking a small step back again, "But I'm not going to force you, Santana. That's just where I stand."

She's so sure of her feelings and yet you can't seem to push aside the fact that she was sure two years ago. But something about the way she's standing there, holding her hands behind her back, she looks so small. Almost cautious even and you realize this is just as much of a shock for her as it is for you. She's hopeful though, that much you can see in her eyes and you can't stand the thought of letting her down.

"Friends, huh?"

Her expression brightens, "Just friends. We can manage at least that."

Back then, when everything was still fresh, this is exactly what you wished for. You wished more than anything to be reunited again one day. To find each other again. To have a second chance. You just need to take that first step.

"Okay." You look at her and her smile widens, "I think I can do that."

"You think?"

"That's as close as you're gonna get, right now" You tell her honestly and she nods, her smile still present. She gets it. You know she does. She knows you better than you know yourself at times and she understands your need to be careful. The two of you stay like that for about a minute until she moves to the door, opening it and shooing the others back to their dinners. You chuckle when you hear a particularly loud grumble from Quinn.

"I'm also sorry that they're so annoying." Brittany turns back to you apologetically.

"It's fine." You laugh, waving your hand and walking back with her.

By the end of dinner you're brain is in information overload. You find out that Jake and Brittany connected after he moved to the city a little more than a year ago. He was originally a client at Crossroads looking for resources and shelter. Soon after getting situated, he joined the outreach team, going out and spreading the word about their programs and services. He wanted to do more to help others like him.

He and Mercedes of course met through the church. Crossroads listed it as one of the churches in the area that would welcome him with open arms. And with a trans pastor at its forefront, they definitely did just that. The two of them were the original roommates, sharing a small apartment, much smaller than this one, for nearly the same price.

Brittany joined the church per Jake's suggestion. Which happened to also coincide with them needing a new place to live due to rising rent and Brittany needing the extra money.

Quinn, surprisingly, isn't all that evil and works at the church too. She does part time work doing the books and making sure they have enough to float above water yet still care for their members. It's a small congregation, about two hundred or so members, give or take. They definitely don't make enough to pay the staff a living wage but they get by with what they have. And you already know where Quinn works full time, at the studio, messing up your billing hours.

"I can't believe you're thee Santana Lopez this whole time and I never put two and two together." Quinn laughs. She's seen your name on paperwork more times than you've actually said it since moving back.

"Yeah well according to my paychecks, we all already knew Math isn't really a strength of yours, Q." You quip easily and Brittany nearly chokes on her food, trying not to laugh.

"Shut up. At this point, every time your name comes across my desk I only feel irritation. Mostly because of that annoying Rachel Berry. It's so hard to track down her paperwork. She's so sporadic."

"I thought she was Jewish?" Brittany asks confused and you chuckle. The others seem to be used to Brittany's one liners because no one addresses it and the conversation moves on easily.

For the most part you sit back and observe the group. You wouldn't think it, but they mesh really well together. It's a mix of sibling like banter with the occasional scolding from Brittany. They're close, you can tell that much.

There's still so much to learn about them all but you're already exhausted. Plus you probably should be heading home soon anyways. You excuse yourself to the restroom and on your way back you glance into Brittany's room one last time to really take it in. It's oddly familiar and somewhat comforting to see something so Brittany again. Your eyes land on your keyboard again and you wonder if she's been practicing. You wonder if she thinks of you every time she plays.

"It's yours if you want it back. Jake tells me it's a pretty expensive model." Brittany appears beside you and you shake your head.

"No, it's all yours, Britt." There's a long pause and you don't even care that you used her nickname again. Technically you're friends again. Friends use nicknames.

"Will you play for me?"

Snapping your head up at her request, your heartbeat quickens and your breath hitches. But when she smiles playfully you know then that she was only joking. "Jesus, are you trying to kill me?"

"Just keeping things consistent with your experience with Math teachers." She grins and you can't help but laugh now. It's another pause before she yawns and you follow suit.

"I should go. It's getting late."

She follows you as you go back into the living room and say your farewells to the others. When you turn to face her she motions to the front door. Taking the hint, you let her walk you to the front door. You don't know what to do so you stand there, the threshold between the two of you.

"Can I ask you something?" She ducks her head shyly, and for the first time tonight, you don't hear the sureness in her voice. You nod and she continues, "Had you known I would be here, would you have still come over?"

"Yes." It doesn't take more than a second for you to answer her. You know in heart that you wouldn't have given up a chance to see her again. To know that she's okay.

"But what if- what if what you found wasn't what you wanted?"

"What I wanted was for you to live your life and be happy." You shove your hands in your pocket and take a deep breath, "Even if that meant something different than what I wished for."

"What'd you wish for?"

"Britt…"

"Come on, what'd you wish for?"

You sigh, holding her eyes."When I left you for the city, they only thing I wished for was for fate to somehow give us a second chance." It's more than you thought you'd admit but you continue, "But now that you're here, standing right in front of me, it's so much more complicated than I thought it would be. And it's too much. It's all too much."

Brittany seems to think it over and you feel your heartbeat pick up. You need to learn to control your outbursts around her again. You don't want to go and screw up this whole friend thing a second time. But she smiles, steps forward a little and holds out her hand, "I really am glad you came, Santana. Hopefully I'll see at church sometime soon."

It's an invitation to go at your own pace and you're grateful. Cautiously, you pull out your hand and reach to shake hers softly. Her hands are so soft that it makes you want to pull her closer. It makes you want to feel her skin beneath your fingers and goddammit, it's just too much again. You pull away.

"Goodnight Brittany."

"Goodnight Santana."

"Goodnight guys!" You call out to the three people behind her, peaking their heads out from around the corner, and you both to laugh as they scramble back to the living room.

When Brittany looks back at you, something in her expression changes, "As mad as I was at them earlier, I really am glad they brought you back to me."

Back to me. Her choice of words aren't lost on you and it feels like a slap to the face. Or a punch to the heart.

"Their plan could've gone horribly wrong."

"But it didn't." She beams, "And now look, after all this time, we're friends again."

"I'm a different person, you know." You try to tell her because she's right, a lot of time has passed. You're not the same Santana she once called her best friend. You're not the same Santana she fell in love with.

Her smile widens though, holding her ground, "So am I."