Hi everyone! Sorry it's been so long! We're in the middle of moving and we adopted a puppy, so things have been crazy around my house. Happy holidays to all!

~!~

My world is a merry go around, only my cotton-candy filled belly isn't churning from too many sweets, it's churning from the bomb my best friend's brother's friend just delivered.

"Bella, it'll be fine," Edward says, rubbing my back as I cry into his neck. "As far as your dad knows, you don't even mess around with Jas."

I'm so upset not just because my dad cracks the glass of our super-secret, but because I just told dad that he can trust Jas. I'm embarrassed by Jasper's actions. I'm upset and hurt and tired. I feel a sliver of what Alice must have felt for way too long, and what Edward hides from me for years. How does he do this? How does he relate and smile and carry this weight like one hundred bricks stacked perfectly high, holding them in his palms, watching them sway and tip, unable to stop the collapse.

And then he looks at me. His blues are rested and his smile lifts me. My belly is sugar-sweet sick from the touch of his fingertips and the love in his eyes. He kisses my cheeks and my hair and holds my hand over his chest. Edward holds Jasper's weight for us. He holds it so we can lay like this—alone, secret, swollen with light and lust. He holds it so he can give me pretty necklaces with his initial on it. He holds the weight so Jasper holds ours. Just as Jasper is someone's super-secret, we, too, are someone's super-secret. It doesn't make it okay, but it makes it tolerable.

"Tell me what to do," I whisper through my sadness-plugged-nose.

"You're going to go home, smile, tell your mom how much girly fun you had painting Rosalie's fingernails pretty-pretty-pink, and how Alice painted her toes lime green, and then you drank root beer floats and watched Crybaby until you fell asleep. You're going to laugh loud and show off those sugar-baby teeth. You're going to hug your dad and tell him you missed him. You're going to be pretty-B-light and loving and you."

I smile and hum softly, burrowing further into his neck. I sigh through anxiety. "Okay," I tell him, kissing the softness of his neck. "Okay."

Edward rubs my back and my arm and holds me tighter. "You're not going to tell them you got drunk. And you're definitely not going to tell them you wore sexy panties for your best girl's brother." His tease lightens the tension as he lifts my chin and pulls my bottom lip with his teeth.

I prop myself up and glance at him through my lashes. The blanket has fallen to my waist and my breasts are exposed. "You're cute," I tell him, kissing him right on the lips.

"You're dangerous," he laughs, kissing me harder, staring at my chest. Edward's fingers dance up my side and just before he palms the outside swell of my breast, there's a knock on the door.

"What?" Edward yells.

"I'll give you ten seconds until I come in," Rose's voice says through the door.

I pull the blanket up, and giggle at Edward whose irritation isn't hidden from his face. Rose saunters in, confidence high, a smirk on her lips.

"Sorry," Rose says with a smile, "but Edward should probably head downstairs. Emmett will be up soon."

"Fine," Edward grunts, sitting up in the bed, running his fingers through is hair. Rose knows what happened in this room. She looks at us for a beat, laughs, and turns to exit the room.

Edward rubs the skin of my hand with the pad of his thumb and whispers so much adoration it makes my heart flutter. He smiles sweetly and throws back the covers. I watch him get up, pull on his clothes, and lean against the wall.

"What?" I ask.

He smirks and picks up my undies. "Don't forget these," he says, tossing them to me before slipping out the door.

~!~

It's just after two when Rose's mom drops me off at my house. I plaster a smile on my face and bop up the stairs to my house.

"Hello!" I call excitedly, dropping my overnight bag by the door, and walking into the kitchen. I want to freeze when I see my dad at the table with the paper. He's drinking coffee and not beer, so maybe that's a good thing. Anxiety washes over me, and I hope he doesn't smell it.

"Hi, honey," mom says through a smile. If she knows, she's acting, too. "How was your night?"

"Fun!" It's definitely not a lie.

Dad throws me a glance. Mom's smile is genuine. I take a seat and tell them everything Edward told me to. When I told them we watched Crybaby, mom says, "again?" and laughs.

Dad sits quietly, so I ask, "what're you reading?" while I peel an orange.

"Comics," he says before sipping from his mug again. I watch the way his mustache dips into the liquid and how he dries it with the back of his hand. "Do anything else last night?" he asks casually but the underlying tone is I-know-all-your-secrets.

I swallow and shrug. "Rose wanted to curl my hair, but then we decided to prank call Angela instead."

Dad nods with a purse of his lips. He hears my lie but doesn't believe it. "Make sure you're respectful, Bella."

"So, I shouldn't prank call you then?" I joke.

This gets a chuckle from him and he shakes his head. Mom laughs, too.

It's quiet and easy while I rip the skin from my orange and eat the pieces one at a time. Dad finishes his coffee, rinses his cup, and sits back down. He closes the paper and looks at me meaningfully. His eyes are relaxed but his mouth is tense.

Here we go.

"What's wrong, dad?" I ask, knitting my brows together in confusion.

"I want to tell you the truth before you find out from your friends, Bella," dad starts. Mom sits now, too.

"Okay?" I glance at mom who's hand cups and holds her pointy chin. Her mouth is less severe than my dad's, but her eye's are drowning in worry for my love's best friend.

"I got a call very late last night. Riley Biers was caught selling to drugs to some students at your school. He's a bad kid, Bells, I told you this before."

"Yeah, I remember, dad. Everyone knows Riley's bad news." I take a bite of my orange as I feign indifference.

"Jasper Whitlock was there when I pulled up." Dad pauses and watches me. I'm still chewing, but my eyes find his. "A group of three boys, including him, ran. He fled the scene before we could get to him. He left Biers with two broken ribs and busted lip with a bloody face."

"Dad," I start with a forced laugh and fake indifference. "I don't know how many times—"

"I talked to Mr. and Mrs. Cullen earlier this morning," he says, cutting me off. My lips are sealed and I'm ready for this now. "I told them what I saw. I told them I can't press charges, obviously, that's up to Biers' parents, but I did tell them my daughter is not to be anywhere near—"

"Charlie," mom cuts in when dad starts gritting his teeth. Her soft voice cuts through dad's ire.

"Renee," dad challenges back.

Mom puts her hand over dad's forearm and pulls him back down to earth. "We've raised our daughter to make the right choices," she says slowly, quietly. This conversation isn't meant for my ears, but I'm here and I'm hearing. "She isn't a child—"

"Yes, she is!" dad yells. He stands and pushes his chair back. "She's fifteen, Renee. There are still rules we need to set. There are still boundaries that she needs to respect."

Mom's standing now. She's matching dad's intensity, but instead of anger it's acceptance. "She respects them, Charlie." Mom gestures to me, and I force myself to swallow the sour citrus on my tongue. "We've raised her to know how to make the right choices, Charlie. We've raised her and taught her to say no. We can't keep her from—"

"Like hell I can't," dad yells before he storms out of the kitchen and into the living room.

I'm nervous and scared and my heart is triple beating in my neck and I feel like I can't keep my head from vibrating. This is a conversation they have absolutely had before, many times, while I wasn't around. I've heard my parents argue before, but somehow this one is different.

"Bella," mom says gently, sitting down where dad just was. "I think maybe you should go up to your room while your dad and I talk."

She offers me a sweet smile while I stand. My stick legs are uneasy as I walk past the living room where dad's sitting on the couch quietly. The TV is off and he's stoic. Something in me tells me this argument is more than who lives next door or who their daughter associates with. I feel like this argument roots deeper in my parents' hearts, and my mom's right, I shouldn't be here for this.

I grab my bag from the door and glance at dad before walking up the steps. His eyes are unfocused on the floor. His hands rest on his knees. My dad doesn't see me, and that's the problem. He doesn't trust me, and as much as I want to blame him, I don't. I can't.

~!~

I've been in my room for less than an hour. I'm quiet, but not on purpose. I don't hear loud explosions of words or stomps on the stairs or door slams like I thought maybe I would. Unable to sit cooped up any longer, I grab my doorknob to investigate. The vibration of my ringing phone stops me. I pick it up and see it's Al.

"Hey," I answer.

"Where have you been!" she asks loudly. "You missed everything!"

"What?"

"Jasper is in deep, deep shit, B. Didn't your dad tell you? He came over here this morning. I snuck out of my room and down the steps. I didn't want him to know I was here. He told my parents what he saw, and then my dad said he's been talking to Jasper about his options and how they can help him and blah, blah, blah."

"Really? What did my dad say?"

"He said it's ridiculous they let him run around at all hours of the night. He really tore into my parents, Bella." Alice talks quieter, but never accusatory.

"I'm sorry," I whisper. Flames of sorrow and embarrassment lick at my face.

"No, don't be. Someone needed to tell them. I could never, and Edward's too loyal. I knew they were aware, but I don't think they understood how bad it was. Your dad was about to leave, and then Jasper came down the stairs."

"Oh jeez."

"Yeah, it was bad. Like, really bad. Mom was crying, dad was silent, Jasper was pissed. Your dad was on fire, Bella. He started saying he's going to turn into his mom or worse… his dad. Then Jasper threw his bottle of water at the fridge and stormed outside. I've never seen him like that. Usually he's just—"

"Relaxed—" I say.

"High," she cuts me off.

~!~

When Alice finishes telling me about her night with Jake, we hang up and I lay on my bed. Everything is still as stones, but I feel it vibrate. I feel the early tremors of an earthquake. I feel thickness and unease and sadness. I feel like I want to call Edward or Jasper or Mrs. Cullen. I feel like I really don't want to be alone, but I am. Edward's silence scares me and sends bile dripping down my stomach. I'm tense and troubled and wondering what he could be saying to Jasper to make it right. Or maybe he's not trying to.

Another hour passes and I can't sit in the dark any longer, so I send Edward a text. Tell me what's going on.

Edward texts back immediately. They're talking about sending him away.

My heart splinters and my eyes prick with tears. A knock on my door pulls be back. When I open it, mom smiles softly.

"You okay?" she asks, concern decorates her soft features.

I nod without thinking.

Mom sits next to me on my bed and I throw my phone between us. "I'm sorry about earlier, honey. Your father's having a hard time understanding that you're not a little girl anymore. I told him if he wants to have a healthy relationship with you, he needs to start acting like it."

I'm quiet for a moment, fidgeting with my fingers. I think about brushing it off like usual, but today I want to endure all. I want to feel everything.

"Why's it so hard for him?" I ask quietly. She thinks the wetness in my eyes is caused by my dad. It is, but not for the reasons she thinks.

Mom pulls me into a hug. I don't succumb right away. When I do, I wrap my arms around her waist and breathe in sweet lilac flowers in the middle of winter. Her chest warms me, and her arms pull me to safety.

"He doesn't want you to make the decisions we made growing up. He doesn't want you turning into me… or him."

"Him?" I ask.

"Your dad was a wild child, Bella, more so than I was. He did a lot of… illegal… things. His reputation definitely preceded him."

"Dad?" I ask, surprised. "Charles Swan?"

"Yes," she laughs, nodding. We sit Indian style, knees touching. "One time he stole old man Brown's pick-up truck, drove over to the Willet's farm, opened a fence, and let out all the cows. That made statewide news! He was known around town as Childish Charlie."

My phone vibrates between us and Edward's name pops up. Mom glances but I grab the phone quickly, hoping she didn't see. "Wow," I declare with a laugh, trying to cover my tracks.

Mom smiles. "That's why when he sees a kiddo making dumb decisions, it really sets him off. What happened with Jasper is more than Charlie ever did, and because you're so close to the boys… and Alice, it scares him."

"Mom—"

"Honey, you don't have to explain to me. I was your age once, you know."

"No, but mom, really. Jasper is like my brother. I promise."

Mom nods in understanding. "And Edward?" she asks lowly.

I swallow thickly. I take too long to answer and she knows. "He's just my best friend's brother." I don't believe it, and I know she doesn't either. Her smile is knowing and warmth and maybe even acceptance but definitely knowing. My mom knows.

"Does Alice know?"

Gears turn in my head and my stomach and my eyes. "Know what?" I ask quickly, tucking hair behind my ears. "He's just Edward, mom." I'm defensive and losing this. I look up at her finally with please-don't-ask-me-anything-else eyes.

Mom smiles in understanding. She stands and walks to the door. Her fingers grip the knob and before she opens it, mom tells me, "when you're ready, please talk to me, baby. I want to be for you what my mom never was for me," and then she's gone.

I have no idea how long I sit on my bed. Denial and nervousness and sweat seeps out of my pores. Our super-secret isn't so super-secret anymore. I'm leaking tears from my eyes from frustration and irritation and wondering why mom isn't as mad as I thought she would be.

I read through the text Edward sent me. They're calling his mom.

~!~

It's been two weeks since that weekend, and three major things have happened. One, Edward passes his driving test on the first try.

"I did it!" Edward says, storming down the basement steps and picking up Alice from the couch. He sloppy kisses her cheek and steps over to me. "I fucking did it!" he yells, picking me up and tossing me over his shoulder. He spins and spins and then sets me next to Al on the couch. I don't get sloppy cheek kisses right now, but I know I will later.

We're laughing hard and Al fist bumps him. "Nice, now you can drive us to the mall."

"Let's go!" he says, running up the steps to ask his dad for the car keys. I'm still spinning and twirling and high from Edward's excitement.

At the mall, he buys me cinnamon pretzels while Alice and I shop at Victoria's Secret.

Watchya getting? he texts as I'm checking.

The cashier places three dainty thongs in the bag and stuffs hot pink tissue paper over them. You'll see. I send back immediately.

Two, Edward's dad buys him a car.

"What a hunk of junk," Alice whispers to me. I hear Edward and his dad say something about an older Honda Accord.

"It's safe," his dad says, handing him the keys.

"It's ugly," Alice says, sticking up her nose at the dark gray color.

"It's awesome," Edward exclaims, taking the keys from his dad and exploring his new, old car.

I tune out Mr. Cullen as he starts telling everyone about gray leather seats, moon roofs, and a new stereo system.

"Heated seats?" Edward yells from the driver's side. "No fucking way!"

And then Alice grabs my elbow, pulls me back inside, and down in the basement.

The third thing that happened in the last two weeks?

"Jasper's with Bree now."

"What?" I ask, looking right at her like she's nuts.

"You heard me. I saw her kiss him at his locker. He didn't even stop her."

"He was probably trying to make you jealous or something. I can't imagine Jas with Bree after everything she's said about him." I'm trying to defend him, excuse his behavior, but I know the truth. Edward called me three days ago and told me Jasper's hooking up with Bree but isn't with her, with her.

Alice leans back on the couch and closes her eyes. "Well, it worked!" She doesn't cry, but she doesn't have to. I know my girl's hurt and hardened and hallow inside.

I reach over and entwine her fingers with mine. The squeeze of my palm around her knuckles is you're-not-alone and let-me-in.

It's been fifteen days since Jasper bought anything from Riley, and you can tell. Fifteen long days of door slams and sudden sweats and joint smoking when he's awake. Edward's been spending every moment with him, helping him come down, making him laugh. At school, Jasper's skin is sallow and sweaty and he looks like crap, but I give him you-can-do-it smiles and even wore his favorite band's tee-shirt to school in hopes of brightening his day. Al rolls her eyes but her smile is genuine. Edward winks and not-so-accidentally bumps his hand into the small of my back as he walks past with his friends. Jasper texts me, Poser at lunch and I smile. It's all the energy he has, and it's perfect.

"Jake kissed me last night," Al whispers, bringing me back to the moment. I look at her to continue. "I didn't stop him, Bella. I was so upset from seeing Jasper with her that I just fucking did it. I kissed him like I used to kiss Jasper."

"Was it totally disgusting?" I ask, lightening the mood.

Alice takes a moment before opening her eyes and smiling at me. "Actually, it wasn't even that bad. His lips are soft. I wonder what they'd feel like other places…"

"Ew!" I giggle, fake slapping her arm.

"Just wait," she teases. "When you get a boyfriend and he kisses you down there, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about."

I smile and tease her more about Jake when I finally ask the question we've both been avoiding since Rose's party. "Do you actually like him though?"

Alice shrugs. "I'm not sure yet. Sometimes I think yes, like when we're walking in the hall and someone drops their books, and he bends over to help pick them up. Or when he texts me in the middle of English class to tell me I look cute. Or when we're at his house and he drops everything to help his dad."

"He can be sweet, I guess," I tell her with a shrug.

"Sometimes," she admits. "But then he does stupid shit that really pisses me off and makes me not like him at all. Like when he jokes around in front of me at lunch about what it was like to fuck Jane. Or when he's with the team and pretends like I don't even exist. Or when he says he'll call me later and never does."

I nod. I get it. I've known that side of Jake for years. "I think maybe he just doesn't want to come off as soft, ya know? He doesn't want to seem lovey-dovey in front of his friends."

"He asked me out this weekend."

"Like, on an actual date?"

"I guess."

"You do realize it's Valentine's Day, right? Is he asking you to be his Valentine, Alice?" I tease lightly.

"Shit," she shouts. "I already said yes!"

I giggle and ask, "where are you guys going?"

"He said something about the diner, a movie, and his house on Saturday. Whatever," she says, dismissing the conversation.

Later that night, at my house, dad asks me if I can stay at Rose's this weekend.

"Why?" I ask suspiciously.

"I'm taking your mother on a little getaway."

I smile at him. Things have been easier since mom's talk. He's been lighter and more jovial. He asks me to play chess with him and we watch sports sometimes. I never want to, but I do anyways. I sit on the end of the couch with homework on my lap and my phone on my homework texting Edward silly things like I miss your nose and when are you going to kiss my pretty pink lips in your car? and wait for his messages back like the one time he said which pretty-pink lips, Bella? It took me more than a minute to get it, but when I did, my blush burned so bright and the throb in between my legs pulsed fire red. I went right up to my room to use that special Christmas gift he gave me.

~!~

"I heard dad's taking you somewhere special," I tell mom, sitting at her vanity, spritzing perfume and powdering my face with her makeup as she packs for the weekend.

"Can you believe it?" she asks, gushing about their trip and all the little shops she can't wait to go to.

I smile and nod and laugh when appropriate. I watch as she packs her makeup and hairbrush. Mom asks me to help pick outfits and shoes and I'm more than willing. We giggle and she bumps my hip with hers.

"You sure you'll be okay until Sunday, honey?" she asks, folding her shirts into her suitcase. They're leaving early tomorrow and won't be home until Sunday night.

"I'm sure, mom. You guys have fun. Rose and I are planning to have a Galentine's Day party just the two of us. We're going to watch chick flicks and eat ice cream and order pizza."

"Fun!" mom says loudly, throwing a dazzling smile my way.

Actually, Rose is going out with Sam and I'm going out with Edward, but I'm sure we'll at least eat ice cream at some point this weekend. I feel a little bit guilty lying to my mom, but then she sorts through her underwear drawer and disgust replaces guilt as I wave bye to my laughing mother.

Edward calls me around bedtime. The sound of his voice delights. He whispers about his day and the science test he aced and secret glances we stole at lunch and how much he loved the sweater I wore.

"You're so pretty it makes my stomach hurt," he tells me lowly.

"You're so pretty it makes my throat itch," I whisper back.

"I don't think that's good, B," he jokes.

"Do you like your car?" I ask.

"I fucking love it. I can't believe I have my own set of wheels."

"You can go wherever you want now," I tell him.

"Are you excited for valentine's day this weekend, pretty girl."

"Mhm."

"You gonna be my valentine, Bella?" he asks softly, lightly, lovingly.

"Mhm," I whisper just as softly.

"I was thinking, B…" he starts.

"That's never good," I joke.

He laughs as he says, "your parents will be gone all weekend, baby?"

"Yep."

"Good to know," he tells me lowly.

~!~

On Friday, mom and dad pack the car with their away bags and drop me off at school.

"Be good," dad says.

"Have fun," I tell them both.

"We'll see you Sunday night, honey," mom tells me before I shut the door.

The girls at school wear red and white and pink for Valentine's Day, and Alice wears black denim with a canary yellow sweater.

"You look like the female lead in a Lifetime movie," Alice tells me, flipping the peter pan collar of my red skater dress, and pulling at the edge of my white cardigan.

"Don't be a hater, Al," I tell her, fixing my collar over the softness of my cardigan.

"You're so fucking pretty, Bella," she tells me with a genuine smile. She eyes my soft curls and the pink gloss on my lips.

"So are you, Alice," I tell her gently, my hand on her elbow.

"Wanna be my Valentine?" she asks me, scrunching her nose.

"Okay," I answer, grabbing my books from my locker and slamming my door.

Jake strolls over to Alice with a white daisy. She smiles through an eyeroll as Jake wraps his arm around her shoulders. She doesn't lean into him, and he doesn't expect it. We're engaged in a dramatic story of how Emmett reacted to Rose going out with Sam when Edward walks up behind me and throws his arm over my shoulder, mirroring Jake and Al.

I'm not surprised or taken aback. This isn't the first time he's done this. Sometimes he hooks his arm around my neck, sometimes he pulls me along by my elbow. Alice never really pays attention, and today isn't an exception, except for when Edward says, "Who's your Valentine, B?"

I turn to look at him. His arm around me is friendly and loose. He's joking but maybe this is too far. He's daring in front of his sister, and I wonder if he's ready to tell her.

"I am," Alice says.

"Woah, babe, I thought you were mine?" Jake says.

"Bella's always my number one," Alice jokes, winking at me. She shuffles out of Jake's arm and links our fingers together. Alice pulls me from the warmth of Edward's arm as we walk to first period.

"I think Jake really likes you," I tell her, glancing behind me. Jake watches Alice like a dog on a hot day. Edward watches me like he's listening to classical music.

"I know he does," she retorts. "Last night, after practice, he called me to tell me goodnight."

I wait for her to continue. "And?"

She turns to me when we get to her first period class. "He didn't even want to have phone sex. He just wanted to say goodnight."

The rest of the day passes slowly. Rose and Sam kiss at her locker. Jas stands next to Bree at hers. Al let's Jake hold her pinky in the hall. I look around for Edward but can't find him before my next class. I can't wait for lunch.

I stop to talk to my English teacher about a paper due next week. We get caught up in the research portion of it, and now I'm late to lunch. I throw my books on the table and sit at the only seat available, between Jas and Edward. Alice is at the extreme end of the table, and I don't really have anyone else to talk to. Jasper's eyes are lighter and his skin isn't as chewed up and spit out as he looked on Monday. Today he's eating an apple and not looking at Jake who's got his arm on the back of Alice's chair.

"Hey, Jas," I tell him, leaning into his side.

"Sup, B?"

"What's new?" I ask, taking a bite from the granola bar I brought with me.

He sighs and glances at me. I think for a moment he's going to be honest and open and let me in slightly, but then he leans back, pulls me with him, and taps my shoulder. "Same shit, different day."

I look at Edward who smiles knowingly. I'm tired of this keeping me at arms length bullshit, so I scoot my chair to Jasper and start the questions. "Are you really with Bree?"

He's taken aback slightly and I see his eyes shift from mine to Edward's behind me. "Yes," he answers slowly.

"Bullshit," I tell him.

He laughs. "You a tough girl now, B?"

"I'm the girl who knows you like no one else, Jas." My voice is strong but soft. I swallow hard, forcing that ball of emotion down deep. I want to be strong. I want to be hard. I want to be tough.

He nods slightly. "I'm not with her Bella. I don't even like that bitch. I'm just hate fucking her." He's honest and I'm thankful.

"Why?"

"Because if I don't, I'm going to fuck him up," Jasper tells me, nodding to Jake.

"Are you doing okay?"

"No."

"Are you using?" I whisper the last part.

"No."

"Does your mom know?"

"Yes."

My eyes grow and he looks at me now. "Who—?"

"My parents," Edward whispers from behind me.

I nod and grab Jasper's wrist. "What happened?"

He shakes his head and runs his fingers through his long blonde hair. I smile knowing full well it's a habit from Edward. Just as Jas opens his mouth, Bree walks over and falls into his lap.

"Can you keep your nasty hands off my guy?" Bree tells me.

I roll my eyes. "If mine are nasty, yours are infected."

Edward laughs loudly and claps behind me. Even Jasper throws in a chuckle. Bree's face falls and she digs deep for her next blow.

"At least I'm not a third fucking wheel wherever I go," she tells me smugly. Her arms are over her chest in confidence.

I roll my eyes. "You're not?" I ask.

"Let's see," she starts, "Rose is with Sam, Angela is with Ben, Alice is with Jake, I'm with Jasper, and you, Bella, are a lonely, ugly virgin that nobody wants."

"Hey—" Jas starts, sitting up and pushing Bree off, but before he can finish, Edward interrupts.

"She's with me," Edward tells her simply. I feel Edward's warmth as it snakes around my waist and pulls me to him. My heart beats on my skin and as I turn, the entire table is quiet. Rose looks surprised, Angela looks bored, and Alice looks pissed. She stands with her eyes on me, then Edward's arm around me, then Bree standing in front of me.

"You bitch," she whispers as tears prick my eyes. Edward's pulling me tighter to him, but he's still relaxed. His arms are I'll-catch-you safe.

"Alice, I can—" I start, but Alice's focus isn't on me.

"You dirty fucking whore," Alice seethes.

Jasper backs away and Edward stands, pulling me with him. Alice balls her fists at her sides and cuts Bree with her words.

"Nobody wants you here. Fuck off back to your cackle of cocksuckers."

Rose laughs hard and Angela snickers.

"You're just pissed that I fuck him better than you did," Bree spits.

Edward steps in, sensing an escalation. The lunch room isn't totally silent, but the tables around us are. The two lunch chaperones don't seem too worried. Edward's facing Alice, talking her down.

"Let's get out of here," he tells her. "C'mon, we can go smoke in my car." She's not saying anything, and he glances at me for help.

I step in right away. "Let's go, Al." I grab her fingers, entwine ours together like she did earlier, and pull her with me.

No one says anything until we get to the car. We both sit in the back, and I pull her to me. Edward drives and drives until he reaches our neighborhood.

"Home?" I ask.

"I want to show you guys something," he says softly. "Our parents aren't home, so no one will see, but can you grab some blankets, B? And you'll need some boots."

I nod and spring to my door. I grab a bunch of blankets, change into my boots, and meet them back outside. Edward takes the blankets as I take Alice's hand. Her cheeks are red, but I'm not sure if it's from her earlier anger or the chill in the air. We walk for twenty minutes in silence through the half-frozen forest floor until we get to a clearing.

"When the weather is nice, this place fills with wildflowers and greenery," Edward tells us, looking at me.

"When did you find this?" I ask.

"The spring after we moved here," he says with a shrug. "This was my escape."

Edward spreads out the blankets and I'm thankful today is a milder winter day. He lights up immediately and hands it to Alice. She smokes half before passing it to me. Edward glances at me.

"Should I?" I ask.

"It's clean," he says, leaving the decision up to me.

I pull and release three times before handing it to Edward whose eyes are glued to my black nylon covered thighs. Alice lays on her back, and I lay next to her.

"Can you believe that cunt?" she says. "She has the nerve to walk over and taunt me at my table, and then she talks shit on my girl? She's lucky I didn't rip her to shreds."

No one says anything for a few minutes. Alice takes a few more hits before saying, "thanks for standing up for Bella, Edward."

If Edward wants to tell her, now's the time. I glance at him who looks at me through heavy lids as he pulls a very long hit. He hands it to me. My world spins from the weed and from the afternoon, so I pass it to Alice.

"No one talks about our girl like that, right Al?" he says softly.

She nods, but I notice her head swims with words said by Bree and not Edward.

"Did she fuck him?" Alice asks.

We don't answer.

"Did she fuck him!" Alice yells this time.

"Yeah," Edward answers honestly.

I think she wants to cry and scream and beat someone up, but Alice sits and suffers and vibrates with intensity. I turn and hug her into my body, but Alice doesn't succumb.

"I never did," she whispers after a moment. "I never had sex with him."

"You didn't?" I ask. Alice never outright told me she slept with Jas, but I always just assumed.

"When I was ready to, he was always high," she responds honestly.

We lay in silence for a while. Dark brown limbs grown from tree trunks rustle in the wind. The earthy aroma floats around us. I'm on my back and February dampness from the ground soaks through my blankets and onto my bottom.

"I'm so wet," I tell them.

Edward barks out a laugh. "Geez, Bella, all you had to say was you're horny," Edward jokes and Alice rolls over to face me in gigantic laughter. She howls and screams through idiotic, ridiculous amusement. I'm smiling and tickling her sides and loving the sound.

"Me too," Al says. "I'm getting wet now." She stands and her eyes are so high-hooded it looks like she's squinting at me. As she stands, she stretch-yawns loudly.

Edward and I collect the blankets as Alice leads us back to the house. She's slow moving and giggling the entire time.

"Can I come over?" he asks me quietly. I glance to Alice. "She'll be passed out soon. She gets high and sleeps. That's what Alice is like when she's stoned."

"What are you like?" I ask.

"Happy."

I smile and nod. He definitely is. "What am I like?"

"Horny."

"Is that why you want to come over?"

"Maybe," he teases with a wink.

"I'll leave the front door unlocked," I whisper as we separate at our property line.

When I walk in my house, the clock reads just before three in the afternoon. We were outside for longer than I thought, and I rub my hands together for warmth. I'm not sure how long Edward will be, so I run up my steps to change quickly. I'm out of my old clothes and into some leggings and a tee shirt faster than ever.

I straighten up my room, the kitchen, and the living room, and Edward still hasn't shown up. I shrug and relax on the couch, remote in my hand, flipping through the channels. Alice must not be as sleepy as he thinks she is.

Alice.

The obvious pain in her heart puts a slight frown on my face. She loves Jasper even if she claims she doesn't, but Alice is smart, and thoughtful, and awake. Jasper is devious, and manipulative, and warm. His lies spread over all of us, and we believe him. Alice believes him when he says, "I'm good, Al." I believe him when he says, "don't worry about me, B." Edward believes him when he says, "I'm clean, man. I promise."

"Penny for your thoughts," Edward says, leaning against the entrance of the living room.

I smile at him as he walks over to the couch and plops next to me. His arm is around my neck and his lips are on my cheek and his cologne fogs my brain. "I didn't hear you come in," I tell him.

"You were in your thoughts. I didn't want to interrupt."

I shake my head and lean against him. Edward is easy and free and honest. "I love your eyelashes and the way you walk," I whisper.

"I love your fingertips and the curve of your elbow," he tells me, rubbing my shoulder.

"I love the way you look at me when everyone's around."

"I love your tiny toes and the curve of your back, and the smell of your hair."

"I love you, Edward."

~!~

It's an hour later and we're eating apples and honey in the kitchen.

"What time do you need to be at Rosalie's?" Edward asks.

I shrug. "I don't think it matters. Why?"

"Just wondering, Pretty B."

A drip of honey falls onto my chin before it makes it to my mouth. Before I can lick it away, Edward's thumb reaches over and wipes it off. He pulls it back, looks at me, and sucks the pad of his thumb into his mouth.

"You taste sweet, Bella," he says intensely.

I laugh gently and blush. "It's the honey that's sweet, Edward."

We finish the apples in silence, but the intensity lingers. Edward and I have never been alone in a house for as long as we have this weekend, and I'm kind of nervous-happy. Bees buzz happily in my chest. Edward reaches over to twist my hair in his fingers and I push them away.

"You're getting your sticky fingers all over me, Edward," I tease.

He smirks and dips his index on the plate of honey and dots it on my hand. He stands and pulls me up. My hand is in his palm, he brings it to his lips, and sucks it off. His eyes on mine light a fire under my skin and I'm backing away into the counter top as he walks forward. Edward grabs the plate, dips his finger, and swipes it along my neck. I bend my neck, stretching it out as he licks from top to bottom, grabbing my skin between his lips and sucking hard before releasing.

I'm breathy now and my right hand lifts to trace wetness from where his lips just were. Edward smirks and lifts my top so my belly shows. He dots sticky marks on my belly and licks them all away. His tongue licks from the top of my leggings to my belly button and I giggle. Blue-greens bore into mine as he lifts my shirt further, exposing my bra. I lift it off all the way. Edward pulls my bra down and my breasts pop out. He stares before circling my nipples with a thick coat of honey.

I throw my head back against the cabinets before I even feel his tongue on me. Suddenly, moist heat licks at my nipples and my chest juts forward. I moan loudly and push his head into my chest. I feel his tongue lick slow and hard until his lips pluck and his teeth nip. He switches attention to my other nipple, and by the time I'm clean, my leggings are wet. Edward stands, kisses me softly, pulls my knees apart, hooks his hands behind them, and pulls me to the edge. The counter is higher than his hips, and I wish I could push myself against him, so I jump off and turn. Before he can protest, I grind my bottom into his hard-on and lean my top half against the counter.

"Edward," I whine.

"Hmm," he responds, pushing into me hard. Lack of space between my hips and the counter shoves me forward.

"I want you," I whisper.

Before he has time to answer, there's a knock at my door. My heart flusters and falls in confusion. Who would be knocking? Edward groans, backs away, and pushes against the obvious tent in his jeans. I adjust my top half before tip-toeing to the door and peeking out.

"Put your dick away and open the—"

"Shhh," I whisper-yell, ushering Jasper inside. "Alice will hear!"

"Sorry, B, thought Edward would answer the door."

"What's up?" Edward asks, walking through my house like it's natural. He stands behind me and pulls me against him.

"Today was a fucking shit show," Jas announces, falling against my couch, leaning back.

"Yeah," Edward agrees, joining him.

I groan and slump myself in the recliner. Three minutes ago I was about ready to pull my pants down and let Edward take my virginity against the same counter mom cooks dinner on. I shake my head and listen to Jasper.

"After lunch Bree tried to get me to the back of the library," he says.

"Why?" I ask.

"That's the place, B," Jas says easily.

"Spot for what?" I ask, confused.

Jasper laughs and looks at me like I should know. "You never told her?"

"Told me what!"

Edward shakes his head. "She doesn't need to know"

"Tell me," I announce.

Jas looks to Edward who shakes his head.

"Tell me!"

Edward's eyes close but he's silent.

"Jasper, tell me."

"It's where everyone goes to fuck at school, Bella," Edward says in annoyance. "When the bell is on the door handle, it means the room is occupied."

"Do you go there?" I ask.

"No," he says, and then he looks at me. "Not yet."

I blush because I get it. I nod and Jas says, "ew."

"What'd Bree say about… everything?" I ask.

"She's pissed. I tried talking her down, but it didn't work. Tell Al to watch her back, okay?"

"Why don't you just stop hanging with Bree? She's a bitch anyways," I announce.

"Am I just supposed to sit around and watch Alice move on, Bella?" Jas says irritably.

"She hasn't moved on," I tell him softly. "Not yet anyway."

Jasper catches my gaze and he nods in understanding. Clean up I want to tell him knock your shit off I want to scream and almost do before Jas elbows Edward and says, "you're going to take Bella to the back room?"

Edward laughs and says, "fuck yeah," before changing the subject to basketball.

~!~

Jasper doesn't leave until after four which leaves me and Edward with limited time to do anything before he has to drop me off at Rose's.

"Five o'clock," I remind him, getting off the recliner and sitting on his lap, my knees on either side of his hips.

"You packed?" he asks, moving us so he's laying on the couch and I'm on top.

"Yes," I whisper, kissing his lips softly. I press myself against him and moan gently. "Will I ever get sick of this?" I ask softly. My eyes are closed, my hands rest on his chest, and my hips grind heavily.

"I fucking hope not," he tells me thickly, gripping me to help move.

"You just feel so good," I whisper, losing myself in the feeling of his thick denim against the very thin cotton of my leggings pressing against my wet center.

"It's gets so much better, B, trust me."

I open my eyes and look down at him. His eyes are dark and lustful. His lips are wet and open. His chest rises faster every time my hips grind back and forth.

"Will it hurt?" I ask.

"Probably," he tells me honestly. "I'm not small, Bella, but I'll make it feel as good as I can, okay?"

I nod. "Right now?" I ask.

He grunts and thrusts into me. He wraps an arm around me hips and flips us so I'm on my back and he's above me, unbuttoning and pushing his jeans down. "Right now?" he asks, pushing his jeans down and pressing against me. I swallow thickly and nod. I don't know now. I want it, but right now? Am I ready? Are we ready?

He thrusts against me, pushing me forward.

"I love you, Bella," he whispers, leaning to kiss me. I meet his lips. "I'm not going to fuck you on your couch, but I am going to make you come."

He sits up, pulls my leggings down, spreads my legs as much as possible on the couch, and touches my center until I'm panting.

"You're so fucking wet," he tells me. I whimper at his words. His eyes flick to mine and he smirks. "You have the prettiest pussy," he tells me, watching me watch him.

My back arches and I groan a very loud. Edward knows exactly what to do, what to say.

I come against his fingers as they work in and out. My moans are loud and forceful as they echo around the quiet, darkening house.

Edward leans forward and kisses me. "Think about this the next time you watch a little girly movie with your mom, Bella. Think about the way I made you come on this couch."

He leans back and scratches his head. I find my leggings, pull them up, and sit between his legs. He's hard and firm when I take him out of his boxers. Edward doesn't stop me. He leans back and watches intently.

I grip and tug but his face contorts a little in a less pleasurable way.

"What?" I ask, halting my movement.

"It's dry. I need lube," he admits.

"I don't—"

"Spit on it," he interrupts.

I look at him funny but lean over and let whatever moisture I have in my mouth drip onto the head. He hums and scoots lower, bringing his dick closer to me.

I spread it around the head and it's easier to move my hand up and down. I smile when his mouth hangs slightly. I grip firmer and give him my spit when it dries up again.

"Twist your hand when you move it," he tells me. I try but it feels weird, so he wraps his hand around mine and tells me, "like this, Bella. Oh shit, yeah, like that." And then he's closing his eyes and leaning his head back.

I'm going faster and faster and firmer. I watch as his balls bounce as I move my hand over him. I wonder what they feel like or if they'd give him pleasure if I touched them. I've heard from some conversations at the lunch table how sensitive they can be, so when I reach down with my left hand to grab them, I cup them gently in my palm. Edward's eyes fly open.

"Oh, fuck," he whispers.

I love his half-hooded, horny eyes as they watch me. I continue to move my hands, gripping his shaft harder, and pulling gently on his balls.

"I'm coming," he tells me. "Keep going."

His moans are loud and rough as the first rope of his come shoots out and lands on my hands. I watch with rapt attention and I know that next time I do this, I want to put him in my mouth.

"Jesus, Bella, where'd you learn that?" he asks after his come down.

I shrug with modesty. "I might have heard Em talking about it a few months ago."

He laughs. "Remind me to thank his dirty ass."

~!~

Edward drops me off and Rose invites him in. We eat pizza and watch a movie. His arm is around me on the couch, and this feels so nice. Rose smiles and winks when he kisses my temple and holds my hand.

Edward leaves around nine when Emmett texts him. "I'll text you," he says, kissing me gently over and over and over. His lips are whispers of love and trust. I walk him outside to his car and the cold, nighttime wind moves around us.

"Okay," I tell him. Before he turns to open his car door, I pull his arm and he turns. "Remember earlier, on the couch?" I ask with a blush.

"Yeah, B," he laughs.

"Next time I want to…"

"Want to what?" I have his attention. He's turned and his eyes are space black on mine.

"Next time I want you to do that in my mouth." Then I kiss him and run back into Rose's house