IF YOU WANT ME YOU CAN HAVE ME- PART 16
Hello all. Sorry for not updating in the last few days, but there were some important issues I had to take care of. Thank you for all your reviews after the previous chapter. Special thanks to Chelsietx and Good Bo, who are sticking with me through all the story (and my other stories a well) and always leave a review. I hope that you are not bored with it. I wasn't planning on writing such a long story and I was thinking about taking a shorter version, but still new ideas keep popping in my head.
In this chapter we are going to say farewell to the honeymoon of Elsie and Charles. All the good things come to an end unfortunately. Spending their last, happy, alone moments together will also give them a chance to clarify some problems from the past. A lot of dialogue in this one...
The next day was the last day of their honeymoon and ever since the moment they woke up, Elsie and Charles decided that they have to take the best of it. They were lying in their bed, hesitating to get up, enjoying first rays of the morning sun. They were reminiscing yesterday's events and Charles was still ashamed by it, while Elsie was giggling joyfully when she remembered Beryl's face when she saw Charles wrapped in just a towel.
"It's not funny Elsie. You have no idea how embarrassed I felt when I went down and saw Beryl in there."
"On the contrary Charles. It was very funny. Remeber that I was in the middle of this and I got to see both reactions-yours and Beryl's. I will never forget that."
"You can have your laugh, but what about me? I have been working with Beryl for the last twenty years and she has never seen me wearing anything else, besides my livery. She is under my jurisdiction* and how is she going to respect me now, when she saw me like this? What if I didn't have that towel on and went downstairs wearing nothing?"
"Well, having the knowledge that I already have now, I feel free to admit that if you indeed came downstairs without a towel, that would be a quite nice treat for Beryl."
"Oh, is that so wifey? You really think so? That it's a treat?'
"Very nice treat and it's my treat now! Don't you ever forget it!"
"In that case would you like to have some quality time with your treat now darling?"
"I would love that my very dear husband.."
Elsie was beaming with joy, when Charles hovered above her, flooding her with the most sweet kisses all over. She shortly forgot about Beryl, propriety, previous day events, loosing herself in her husband's love completely.
A lot of kisses, caresses, moans, pants and frantic moves later, they laid completely spent in their arms, still smiling at each other. Still not being able to believe what a wonderful gift life his given them, after so many years of solitude. Elsie was the first one who came back to reality.
"Just think Charles. Today is the last day of our honeymoon. Starting from tomorrow, we have to get back to our duties."
"Don't even remind me of it Elsie. I don't want to think about it yet."
"I can't believe my own ears! Charles Carson is reluctant to going back to the grand house! I think I must write down today's date"
"Ha! Ha! Very funny Elsie. It's not that I don't miss the house or my duties, or the family.."
"Of course. Especially your precious Lady Mary.."
"Elsie...I thought that we've been through this before."
"We have..But I will never understand your devotion to that uppity minx."
"It's not a devotion Elsie. I respect Lady Mary very much. The only woman that I'm devoted to, is lying here. With me. In our bed."
"Is that so? Well few more days like that and I will be able to believe you"
"About time! And regarding our coming back to Downton, I'm not sad about working again, I'm just trying to cope with the idea that I will have to spent so much time being apart from my beautiful wife..I'm not really sure how I can manage to do that.."
"Don't be daft Charles! We will be together all the time. Just like before."
"Yes, but not like that Elsie...I won't be able to kiss you whenever I want to, to hold you whenever I feel like it. To make love to you for long hours. It's going to be bloody difficult to keep myself away from you.."
"Charles...My big, sweet teddy bear will miss his cuddles? You are being a real softie, you know that? "
She pulled him closer, letting his head rest on her breasts and he was more than happy to nestle into her soft and warm body.
"Mmmm...I will miss our cuddle... We will only have few hours at night in the cottage to be together and knowing the routine of the Abbey, we will probably be exhausted in the evening."
"Charles..We will manage. After all we manged to be apart for so many years, even though we were together every day.."
"I know..Don't remind me Elsie...All those difficult days, when I needed you so much, when I just wanted to rest my head on you, like I'm doing now. It was difficult to bear.."
"Shhh..I know love...That goes for me too...Do you know how many times I wanted to just go into your pantry and ask you to hold me close..?"
"Elsie...Why haven't you? I would be more than happy to hold you.."
"Well if you did, you've done a really good job hiding it...The last thing that I would ever expected from you would be the thought that you wanted to hold me..I would rather guess that you would bark something about propriety and told me to go back to my duties.."
"That's a harsh evaluation that I have received from my wife..But perhaps I deserved it.."
"You have Charles...Do you remember how many times you have rejected me? How you were shouting at me and made some cruel remarks about the quality of my work? When I was waiting for the test results from Dr Clarkson?"
"I remember Elsie. Believe me that I remember. And even if I didn't, this will always be a quiet reminder.." He pointed his finger to the scar on her breast, feeling that tears are beginning to gather in his eyes.. He leant down and kissed the scar delicately.
"Will you ever forgive me Elsie? Will you forgive the old fool? For giving to much attention to unimportant issues, like the lack of wine during the dinner, when my beloved woman was dealing with such awful things?"
"Of course I will forgive you Charles...You know that I would have forgiven you almost anything.."
Elsie placed a tender, sweet kiss on his lips and she touched the corner of his eyes, wiping the tears that appeared there...
"I know how many times I have hurt you love...When I scolded you for being sentimental or when I told you that you dissappointed me..I remember all those things very precisely..."
"Why Charles? Why did you behave like that towards me?"
"Oh Els...I was so in love with you...I can't remember the exact moment when it hit me, but when it did, I was so terrified. I knew that it wasn't proper, that maybe we will never be able to be together. I was scared. Scared of my own feelings. I tried to convince myself that this is rubbish, the crazy product of my imagination. But most of all, I wanted to keep you in state of believing that I don't feel anything for you. That's why I behaved so badly at times. I was pushing you away, when all I could dream about was being close to you and because I couldn't, I wanted to convince you that I'm just an old, grumpy man.."
"As you can see you were not very convincing my dear man...You never managed to push me away..I was always near you..."
"Why was that Elsie? How come you haven't given me up?"
"How could I ever Charles?...How could I given you up, when you were the only man that has taken my heart? Every time you said those awful things to me, I kept telling myself that it was the last time I reached to you. That I will never try to be nice to you. I was going to sleep at night, being angry with you. Promising myself that on the next day, I would barely speak to you...And then the next day came and I saw you in the morning and my heart went mad again..Beating only for you..So I made you coffee, I buttered your toast at breakfast, I kept my eyes on the footmen, to not to disturb you too much during the day, so you won't get tired..All those little things that you haven't even noticed.."
"You are wrong darling...I've seen all those things very clearly and all the time I was wondering if they mean something, but then I thought that you were just kind, as you always were, to all the other people..And that I'm nobody special..And so the years went on and it took me so long to do something about my feelings.."
"Tell me about it! Sometimes I just wanted give you a prod** to do something about us. It felt so long sometimes. There were times when I thought that I would just give up all the rules and told you how I really felt..Do you remember the time when you wanted to move to Haxby?"
"Of course I do..."
"That was the most awful moment for me...I was lying awake at night, crying that I'm losing you forever. I thought that my life was over. I didn't want to go on living, knowing that you won't be near me.." Elsie's cheeks were suddenly flooded with the stream of tears...
"Oh, my sweetest darling..I love you so much Elsie..So very much..." Charles whispered, seeing her reaction and an enormity of pain that he has caused to her..He used his lips to kissed her tears away..Each one was kissed away by him. When he handled the tears, he gave her the sweetest and most delicate kiss on the lips.
"I love you too my most precious man...That's why it hurt so much then..The awareness that you were ready to leave me for Lady Mary. I thought that it was an ultimate proof that you had no feelings for me.."
"No darling...I would have never moved to Haxby anyway...The information that Anna gave us was just a comfortable excuse for me, but if that hadn't happened, I would have certainly found another way to get out of it..I couldn't stand being away from you...I would have no reason to live without you Elsie. You know that you are everything..That night when I joked about you missing me, when I left...I so wanted to hear that you will.."
"And you heard it Charles. Do you remember what I told you?"
"Do you think that I could ever forget your answer?.When you told me that you are going to miss me very much and it cost's you nothing to say it, I was over the moon...I cherished the memory for many nights..And scolded myself for not telling you how much I loved you then..When you almost did..Your words were a hidden declaration of love for me.."
"They were Charles...Oh now you are crying love...Please don't..."
Elsie neared Charles's face and kissed him gently-his lips, his cheeks, his nose, his forehead and his hair..She flooded him with her affection, thinking how much time she spent being force to stop herself from caressing him.
"Elsie..my beautiful..My sweetheart..Promise me..."
"Promise you what darling?"
"That we will never hide anything from each other, ever again..Never..And we will hold hands, hold each other and give each other kisses during our long work days..I don't want to go back to what was before...I want us to express our love and not hide it from each other and the world.."
"I promise Charles...Never again...I want everyone to know that we love each other very much..Whether they like it or not..."
"My Elsie..My dearest wife...I love you..."
"And I you Charles..."
So, that's it for today. Hope that an excess of emotions haven't overwhelmed you completely. I think it's good that Charles and Elsie managed to clarify some of the past problems. Form now on it can be only better between them ;-)
Of course again I'm little bit OOC with them, especially Charles-but who cares? We have to give each other Chelsie moments that were never seen on the show..After all that's one of the reasons of writing fanfictions...
*I'm not entirely sure if Beryl was under Charles jurisdiction or Elsie's. Even though I watched the series many times I still don't completely understand it.
** I took this expression from one of the loveliest interviews that I watched with Jim and Phyllis. If you haven't seen it yet, please do. It's worth it ;-)
Once again many thanks to all of you who are still enjoying the story. If you still like it please let me know. I will be more than happy. See you soon!