A/N: Happy holidays everyone!

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN - ROSE

Three hours.

He'd been missing for three hours. When Adrian came running up to me and the girls earlier, gasping for air, I thought for sure he'd lost it. As it turned out, it was much worse. Robert had Dimitri, and I had nothing. No leads, no way to track him down, and only the building certainly that Robert's plans were more sinister than I'd thought.

Adrian was a wreck, telling me over and over again that it was all his fault. I hadn't thought he was taking his job to protect Dimitri seriously, but I didn't have time to deal with his change of heart.

Really it was my fault. If I hadn't been so sure that he would go after my past self first, I could have pushed for more security around Dimitri. Or just had the goddamned foresight to know that one training session wouldn't come close to evening the playing field between Robert and a fledgling spirit user.

After Adrian got his story out, I'd told Lissa and Jill to go to their room where it was safe. I had no illusions that I'd be able to convince my past self to do the same. She loved Dimitri too.

We alerted Alberta and my mother, organizing a low-key search party throughout the lodge. We only had so much to work with since not many people saw missing guardians as a cause for distress and even less knew of the time travel situation.

My past self and Adrian pretty much refused to leave my side as I looked for anything that could help us. I tried to remain collected for their sakes, but inside, I felt like I was coming apart.

I was about ready to call a witch (who wouldn't know me yet) to do a scrying spell when one of the guardian's who'd been compelled at the front gate approached us. We already checked out his story and figured out what Robert did to him and his partner, so I was a little mystified when he wordlessly handed me a folded over sheet of paper.

Adrian and my past self huddled around on either side of me as I opened it.

Dear Rose,

Such a shame that the Russian oaf's been taken. See if you can reach him fast enough. Alone. Any other guardians come, and he dies. Oh, and be sure to bring that lovely young doppelgänger of yours.

Yours Truly,

Robert Doru

Below that, the letter offered an address - town and location, the Sabertooth Inn.

I clenched the paper in my fists, dumbfounded. It was too easy. What was he playing at?

"It has to be a trap," said Adrian, mirroring my thoughts.

"Well, duh," replied Past-me. She snatched the letter from my hands and narrowed her eyes at it, as if mining it for mysteries. "But we're going. We have to save him."

Reaching around her, I took the letter back. "You two aren't going anywhere. Adrian in case you've forgotten, you're still a royal Moroi and I can't just take you outside the wards. And as for you," I pointed at Past-me, "we have to assume that Robert still wants you dead. It'll be safer for everyone if I go alone."

"This is crazy!" Past-me exclaimed, "If he wants me dead then he wants you dead. Same risk!"

"Except if you die, I no longer exist and then there's no one to stop Robert."

"But, it's Dimitri." She said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. And in some ways, it was.

"I know," I told her softly, "And you have to believe I'll do everything in my power to get him back to you."

I tried to convey as much emotion as I could into my words, to show her that what we felt for him hadn't changed. If anything, it had gotten stronger.

Our eyes connected and I knew she got the picture, but she just shook her head.

"You don't understand. I have to go. The last words I said to him…they were bad. I can't let that be it!"

"And I need to go too," said Adrian, "I screwed up. I can't let him die because of me. Besides, I'm still a spirit user. I could help!"

We were wasting time arguing. I knew they had good intentions, but every second we spent here was more time for Robert to do whatever it was he planned for Dimitri. Spirit could be a nasty element when you wanted it to be. I still had nightmares about the time Lissa gave in and bombarded Jesse Zeklos with spider hallucinations.

I knew what I needed to do. A seventeen year old me and a young Adrian would only get in my way.

"Neither of you are going. End of discussion," I snapped.

Without another word, I left them standing there, hurrying off before they could try to follow.

I found my mother first and made her aware of the updated situation. Asking for her help in procuring a vehicle, I was soon speeding away from the lodge in my shiny new Honda Civic (on loan from one of the lodge guardians who owed her a favor).

It wasn't hard to find the motel. I parked about a half mile away and made the rest of the trek there on foot. I didn't have much in the way of an element of surprise, but I hoped I could catch Robert at least somewhat off guard.

The rectangular building was a long strip of red doorways edged in white. One level, flat roofed. It reminded me of an overgrown brick. Upon initial inspection, I saw that each doorway had a corresponding window in the back of the building, but the blinds were thick and grey. I couldn't see much.

Despite my innate urge to just charge in, I hid behind some thick fenced-off foliage at the front and waited, searching for any sign as to which doorway led to Dimitri.

A few minutes later, a tall stocky man in an obnoxious Hawaiian T-Shirt banged on door 16G. I pressed a hand to my gun when I saw Robert answer. I didn't want to shoot him, but I would if it came down to it.

Robert was having a lot of trouble getting the guy to leave. He just kept waving his arms and yelling, trying to make the older man come with him. After a while of this, Robert locked up his room and agreed to follow the man to what looked like the motel's main entrance.

This was my chance. If I could just sneak in before he returned, I'd get Dimitri out of there and come back for Robert.

Circling around to the back window, I broke the pane with the butt of my stake and climbed inside.

My heart nearly stopped when I saw Dimitri. He was on his knees, hands cuffed behind his back, slumped over and rambling to himself.

The way he looked...I hadn't seen anything like it in years. Not since our search for Jill back when everyone thought I'd murdered Queen Tatiana. Worse even. He looked broken.

I raced over to him and grasped his shoulders, trying to get him to look at me, but he just kept huffing in quick bursts like he was having a panic attack.

"No, no, no, no," he kept saying, "it can't be, no, so wrong."

He kept transitioning into Russian at random intervals, seemingly unaware. I had a decent grasp of the language by this point, but even for me, it was disorienting.

I cupped his chin and gently lifted his face up to mine. His eyes were filled with unshed tears.

"Dimitri. Dimitri? Hey. Can you tell me what's wrong? Please speak to me," I whispered frantically.

My lungs were working overtime, trying to compensate for my own panic. What had Robert done to him?

His pupils suddenly zeroed in on me and he jolted back. "No! Stay away from me." His voice shook. "Run, please. You have to get away."

"I'm not leaving you," I told him, arms raised as if to soothe a wild animal. "Just tell me what happened. We'll get out of this, I promise. Just let me help you."

My words seemed to calm him down a little, but they didn't stop him from scowling at his own legs with a fierce kind of loathing.

"There's no helping me, Roza. I saw it all. The monster killed so many people. I thought I was just watching, but it was me. It was all me. I'm the monster."

He quivered as he spoke, lost in some nightmare. I was starting to have a pretty good idea which one.

"Oh, Dimitri."

I scooted closer and embraced him. This time, he stayed where he was. It was a familiar position, bringing back memories of an alleyway - Donovan's bloodied Strigoi body between us.

"It's real isn't it? I become Strigoi."

He looked up and his eyes bore into mine, wide and almost childlike, begging me to tell him he was wrong.

I wasn't prepared to deal with this. Not again. It took so long for my Dimitri to fully forgive himself for what he'd become. I didn't even know how much past Dimitri understood about what would happen. Robert must've revealed it somehow. To, what, taunt him?

All I could tell was that it had been traumatic and beyond cruel. I wanted to console him, to tell him that everything would turn out alright. But that would require opening the can of worms which was the cure, and it would take much more time than we had. Plus, how could I lie to him again? The things he now knew...they were coming for him in just a few months.

"Yes," I said, "It's real."

He sunk in on himself.

"What I did to you was unforgivable." He contemplated his own words for a second and started hyperventilating again.

I clung to him, whispering soft nothings and hoping something would break through.

This would ruin him, I thought. He wouldn't be able to bounce back from this - the knowledge of that terrible chapter in his future, but without the perspective that there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Even if he could know about restorations, he wasn't the type of person who could just deal with the fact that he was going to become a soulless killer in a few months.

It was more than a big wave in time.

The thought made me pause as my recently rediscovered totem became a glaring presence in my pocket. I pulled it out with one hand and studied the little wooden carving. Dimitri barely seemed to notice.

One small amnesia burst. My plans to use it on Alicia flew out the window. Dimitri was what mattered now. I couldn't let him suffer with this burden any longer than he had to.

But how much of it would work? Would it wipe away everything he'd discovered about time travel, or just what he learned today? The past hour? Would it include our talk earlier? Sydney told me it was a small charge that could affect a few people (at most) within maybe a five foot radius. Except, how small was small?

It didn't matter. I had to risk it. I considered bringing Dimitri outside first - escaping the danger Robert (who was sure to come back soon) posed. But I didn't think I was going to be able to get him outside like this.

Dimitri started to babble out a gruesome description of a kill from his Strigoi days - which Robert apparently knew of and could offer visions about.

I shushed him. "It's okay, my love. Everything's going to be okay. I can fix this."

I lifted up the totem and clutched it fiercely in my sweaty palms.

Concentrating very hard like Sydney told me to, I spoke the magic word she'd given me.

"Auferō."

The totem grew hot. Sparks shimmered in the space between us and then erupted outward like a firecracker. Dimitri went limp in my arms.

Worriedly, I felt for his pulse. It was steady. I relaxed. I had no idea if the totem worked, but I'd get us out of here first and-

A loud crackling noise from the window made me look up. Two figures were climbing through, navigating around the broken glass. One was significantly more angry than the other.

"What did you just do to him?" My past self demanded. Adrian stood awkwardly beside her.

I couldn't believe this. "What are the two of you doing here?"

"We hid in your trunk," said Adrian. "and followed you a few minutes after you left the car. I compelled the manager to lead Robert away. Nice work, right? I told you we could help!"

I should've known they'd figure out a way to come with me. If there was one thing that hadn't changed over the years, it was that I was very resourceful.

"And you've just been spying through the window?"

With a start, I realized this could be very, very bad. I wasn't thinking about them when I activated the totem. The magic wouldn't have worked on them. How much had they heard?

"We were watching your backs," said Past-me coldly, "Robert could be here any minute. What did you just do to Dimitri?"

She marched over to us and tried to pull Dimitri from my arms. I didn't fight her, but I still made sure he didn't fall over. He was like a rag-doll.

Like I'd just done, she checked his pulse and eased up only slightly at the confirmation that he was still alive.

"He's okay," I told her. "He just needs to sleep it off." I hoped I was right. The truth was, I was almost as clueless as they were.

"Sleep what off? The news that you forgot to mention he's going to become a Strigoi someday?" She hovered protectively over Dimitri, as if to defend him from me.

There went the idea that they'd been spared that detail. I wanted to break another window.

Instead, I clenched my teeth. "We can talk about this later."

"How about no. We can talk about it now."

Unconsciously, she raised her left fist. I caught a glimpse of something glinting in the room's dull light. A crystal hanging from a thin chain.

"What are you holding?" I asked her, alarmed. "Is that Alicia's necklace? Why do you have that?"

She didn't appreciate me ignoring her, but I guessed she liked the idea of antagonizing me even more. "I thought it would come in handy."

"You told me you didn't have it."

"Yeah, well. Maybe I was right," she said. "It's not like I was the only one keeping secrets."

"Of course I'm keeping secrets! I'm from the future. It's my job. And what was your plan anyway? Were you going to kill Robert?"

Yeah, it was a low blow. We both knew that hadn't even crossed her mind. No, instead she thought she was being clever. She didn't consider that she was playing with things she didn't understand. It was reckless and stupid.

"It was just backup! The witch lady made it seem like it would take a while to work. If we timed it right…" she stopped herself. "No, you know what? I don't need to explain myself to you."

"Um, guys?" came Adrian, glancing nervously at the door. "I hate to be the one the break up this blossoming cat fight, but we should probably get going."

I agreed completely. We'd already stayed here too long. I put aside my frustrations and was about to suggest that we work together to move Dimitri when the door knob jingled.

The tension in the room ratcheted up to an all time high.

"You two need to hide!" I hissed.

Adrian looked around. "Where?"

"Bathroom!" I pointed to a narrow entrance in the corner. With luck, it would have some shower curtains they could squat behind. "Quick!"

Adrian listened and darted over, but my past self remained obstinate.

"I'm not leaving Dimitri."

We didn't have time to argue. Robert opened the door and allowed himself a moment of surprise when he saw us leaning over Dimitri's inert form.

Then, he donned a charming mask - smile wide and friendly. It was eerie, like something I would've once expected from his brother. The reminder wasn't pleasant.

"Oh good, you're both here," he said, stepping inside.

I stood up, trusting my past self to guard Dimitri, in efforts to focus his attention on me.

"Hey, Rob. Long time, no see. Nice of you to finally step out of the shadows."

"Hmm, I suppose you wouldn't know much about the shadows anymore," he said.

As if what Adrian and Past-me knew wasn't damning enough already. I started to edge closer to him. If I could get a good hit in before he started to use his powers, he'd be done for.

"Cute. Whatever you've been doing to keep them at bay won't last," I told him, trying to keep the strain out of my voice. "Your witch left you."

His eyes widened in a flash of genuine hurt. "Alicia's gone?"

It was disturbing. Once upon a time, I remembered feeling bad for Robert. He'd seemed so innocent. Fragile. What the darkness did to him, the loss of his bondmate, the loss of his brother - it was tragic. But that was before all of the trouble he caused me and my family. Before he became a bona fide terrorist and cult leader. All of the misplaced innocence in the world couldn't make up for his crimes. He had to be brought to justice.

"Yes," I said. "Without creating your escape route. Come with me now. Back to 2023. We can end this."

It was worth a shot. Sadly, my words didn't phase him.

"No, no," he said to himself. "It doesn't matter. I don't need her anymore."

Taking his eyes off me, he regarded my past self and Dimitri with a satisfied smile. "Did you like my present? I hope you got a good look at what Dimitri Belikov's life is going to be like from now on. I doubt he'll ever be able to sleep again."

I went rigid and was almost glad Robert shifted his attention. He didn't know. He didn't know about the totem's amnesia features. His witch didn't include it in his. He wasn't aware that Dimitri's torment was temporary and I knew I had to keep it that way.

Past-me (who was thankfully unaware as well), seethed at him. "What did he ever do to you?"

No, no. Bad question!

"He allied himself with you," he said, tone full of malice. "This is all your fault."

Robert's whole body shook with built up rage.

He was going to attack her, I realized. I had to act fast.

Standing just a few feet behind him with his attention diverted, I decided I was close enough to jump him.

But my past self spotted me at just the wrong moment. Robert noticed and twisted, throwing my hit off. My reflexes were still superior to his and he took a blow to the shoulder, but it was sloppy and not nearly enough to knock him unconscious. Instead, he fell to the side with a yowl and instantly formed his fingers into claws.

There was a pressure at my throat, choking me as my body lifted into the air. Instinctually, my hands went to my neck trying to free myself, but it was no good. This was Spirit. I heard wheezing from my right and I knew the same thing was happening to my past self.

I was given a small passageway of air. Enough to rasp out a plea. "You don't need to do this."

Robert got up.

"Yes I do. You killed my brother!" he cried.

"She what?" my past self croaked.

"You killed him. Bludgeoned him to death like an animal," Robert answered before sneering at me. "And you don't even care, do you? You just went on with your life like nothing was wrong. It didn't matter who got burned in your rise to power."

My face felt stuffed up and tender. If it was guilt or lack of oxygen, it was anyone's guess.

"I know," I whispered. Of course I knew I was to blame for all of this. I killed Victor and other than my closest friends, no one knew. I hadn't even thought about Robert until he became a problem. Now, I was paying the price. But I couldn't let the rest of the world suffer for my mistakes. If my younger self died now, I wouldn't be able to do everything I needed to. Maybe it was egocentric, but I'd saved lots of lives in my time. For all I knew, Lissa might never become Queen without me.

"Good," Robert said. He bared his teeth at my younger self. "But I'll stop you. You won't hurt him ever again."

He raised one arm forward and my body slammed into the wall next to the bathroom door. I twisted to mitigate the impact, but my vision still blurred.

Trapped under his influence, I found myself stuck to the wall, forced to watch as across the room, Past-me still levitated in the air. Robert's eyes gleamed with hate.

My hand grazed against something cool and crystalline. I looked down. Alicia's necklace. It must have slid over here at some point.

My past self brought it here for a reason. I'd brushed her idea aside, but now I was desperate. I concentrated on what she'd said. The necklace took time to work. It sucked away power. If I could get it on Robert and take it off fast enough…

"Psst!"

I turned my head and found Adrian crouching low in the bathroom's entrance. He looked down at the necklace and seemed to get that I had some kind of plan.

"Do what you need to do," he said, "I can hold him."

He wanted to hold Robert back with Spirit.

"Are you sure?" I asked.

Robert was powerful, and even though Adrian was too, he was new to this. There was no guarantee he'd be able to match the older Moroi. Not that we had many other options.

He took a deep breath, determination in his narrowed eyes. "Yeah, I got this."

I gathered up the necklace.

Robert was still talking.

"The brain's such a funny, fragile thing," he was saying. "Just a little squeeze and-"

He lifted his arm higher, about to do the unspeakable, when my younger self suddenly dropped to the floor. Robert let out a squawk of surprise.

My invisible bonds fell away and I stole a quick glance at Adrian, who was focusing on Robert with a strained expression.

I raced forward as Robert turned his attentions onto the other Moroi, pinpointing the threat.

Adrian shouted and Robert dropped to his knees.

I shoved the long metal chain over his head. He collapsed, spasming.

We all watched silently.

My past self panted from the floor. "How long do we keep it on him?"

I didn't know, but we couldn't risk it for much longer. This thing sucked life forces away.

The crystal started to glow a soft blue color.

I fixed my gaze on them both.

"Get ready to run. Get Dimitri out of here."

They nodded.

With that, I wrapped my fingers around the chain again and lifted it up.

Robert's body stilled, but I still saw the soft rise and fall of his chest. He was out cold.

We acted quickly after that. I managed to pick the lock on Dimitri's handcuffs and fastened them onto Robert. Together, we brought the two unconscious men out to the car and placed them inside. Dimitri in front with me (to my past self's discontent), and Robert in the back with the others.

Now that the threat was mostly gone, my past self refused to look at me. The ride back was spent in almost complete silence, which I was pretty okay with. It was better than being asked more questions I couldn't answer.

There was one exception.

I was trying to figure out what I would do with Robert when Adrian spoke up from the back.

"No way."

Through the rearview mirror, I saw that he was peering down at Robert with a peculiar look on his face.

"What?" I asked.

"It's just...gone," he said.

Past-me sighed. "Adrian, spit it out already."

"I think the necklace worked a little too well. I just checked his aura and there's no gold. I...don't think he's a Spirit user anymore."

Well I'd be damned.