Chapter 17

Ashina rolled her shoulder, testing the joint. A week and a half after the incident, it no longer ached when she moved it and she had full mobility and strength. A few days off from training allowed the joint to rest before she began training again. Moving to the desk, Ashina tied her hair back and then grabbed her sword. She fastened the hilt to her hips and headed out of the room.

Many of the crew were already milling about, when she stepped onto the deck, preparing for the fight that was to come. Another pirate crew was trying to flex their muscles and causing trouble on an island under Whitebeard's protection. The order had come early in the morning for the first, second, and fourth division to take care of the problem. Ashina doubted it would take all three divisions, but she was ready to flex her own muscles and fight again. Her eyes found Ace, and in the next second noticed his hard gaze as he strolled up to her.

"What are you doing?" he asked, narrowing his eyes.

Ashina arched a brow, surprised by his apparent anger. "Readying for a fight, like everyone else."

His retort was quick and serious. "You're not fighting."

Ashina narrowed her eyes but smiled at him. "Ace, don't be silly, of course I am."

He didn't return her smile and shook his head "No. You're staying here. It's too soon."

Her brows shot up. Ashina knew Ace loved her, worried about her, but he'd never stopped her from fighting. "I'm healed, Ace. My arm feels fine. I've been taking my training slow, but I know I'm okay."

"It doesn't matter. You'll stay on the Moby Dick. You're not fighting today."

Ashina narrowed her own eyes, staring hard at the man in front of her. Ace never gave her orders, it was understood that he had been her captain and now her commander, but he allowed her to be free. Never had he told her she couldn't fight. They had fought together many times.

"You're serious? Ace, what the hell? I'm just as capable as -"

"I'm your commander and I said no!" he snapped, cutting her off. His gray eyes narrowed as he stared at her with his jaw clenched tight. His harsh words stung as a silence fell around them.

Ashina's mouth closed with an audible snap and she glared at him for a few seconds. She nodded slowly, trying to fight back the traitorous tears that welled in her eyes. She wasn't a child and this wasn't a reason to cry, but the angry tears formed despite her best efforts. She blinked them away so they wouldn't slip down her cheeks.

The bubble of indignation rose up in her throat and she snapped back at him. "Okay. Fine. Make sure you designate someone to fish you out of the ocean should you go overboard."

Ashina turned on a dime and went to walk away, but his hand wrapped around her elbow and turned her back.

"Don't be like that," he said. "You were reckless on your last mission and got hurt."

Fire blazed in her eyes and she shook off his hold, her temper flaring. "Reckless? What are you talking about? Don't you dare call me reckless! I didn't intend to involve myself in anything that would result in a fight. I didn't get hurt from the mission."

"If it wasn't for the mission then you shouldn't have involved yourself!" Ace snarled.

With her sensible mind she would have thought about the fact that she hadn't really told Ace exactly what happened that day, or the horrid memories it drug up, but she wasn't being sensible as she let her rage and pain take over. "I wasn't about to walk by and let those men rape that woman and possibly her daughter! She was a girl, Ace! Not a woman, not even a teenager, a girl! Everyone else in that shitty little town turned a blind eye, too scared to intervene. They ignored her cries, her screams, but I'll be damned if I was going to walk away."

"Ashina, I-" he stuttered, his own anger dissipating as he noticed her tears. His eyes pleaded with her as he took a step back, seeing her fury.

"No," she snapped, pointing her finger in his face. "You want to be mad because I got injured, fine. You want to be mad because it took longer than I thought it would to come back, fine. But don't you dare call me reckless because I stopped three men who trying to rape a woman while her daughter was forced to watch in the grimy hands of some bastard! After I dealt with the first two the last one snatched my arm and jerked me hard enough to dislocate it. In the next seconds he was drowning in a pool of his own blood. She was a little girl, Ace! My shoulder is nothing. I would have died to protect that little girl and her mother! Just like my mother did for me!"

Her jaw snapped closed a second after the shocked gasp left her lips, her hand flying up to cover her mouth. She hadn't meant to say all that. She never talked about her mother. She had told O-Tama she died and that had been the truth, and Ace never pressed her on the subject, never asked questions.

"Ashina," he pleaded, moving toward her.

She shook her head violently, stepping out of his reach, as tears left tracks down her cheeks. Her voice was softer now, it trembled as she spoke, "She died protecting me and I couldn't do anything to save her, but I could save that little girl Ace, and if I had died doing that then so be it. At least my mother would be proud."

The fight and the anger seemed to leave her as she took a deep breath. When she spoke again, Ace wished she had stayed angry instead of the pain that shone in her eyes. "But I didn't die, I got hurt, a stupid black eye, a small cut, and a fucked-up shoulder, both of which have healed just fine. I came back to you just like I said I would. If you want to be mad, you can be mad, whatever. Go. I'll stay behind. Just as you ordered, Commander."

Ashina saw the hurt flashed in his eyes as she sneered his title. She only ever used it teasingly and to call him that now... well, she intended to hurt him because she was hurting too. It was childish and unfair of her, but she said it and there was no taking it back now. Ashina didn't wait for his reply before turning around and storming off.

She heard Marco shout as she headed around the corner. "Yoi! Leave her be! We've got to go, you can fix your fuck up when we get back."

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Haruta looked around the dining room once more and sighed. "Anyone seen Ashina today?"

"No," Vista replied, setting down his cup. "She's been in her room since they had it out on the deck."

"It's been three days," Izo commented. "Has she eaten?"

Haruta and Vista both shrugged. It was Jozu who answered Izo. "Tanaharu tried to bring her some food last night, but she wouldn't open the door. Told her she was fine."

Izo rolled his eyes. "Damn stubborn woman. She's not fine." Izo plucked the bowl of fruit off the table along with a mug of tea and stood from the table. He headed off muttering under his breath about making her eat and not wanting to deal with Ace or Marco if she was sick when they returned.

Haruta chuckled, the sound dying on his lips as he turned back to the table, frowning as he looked at Vista and Jozu. "Think they'll be alright? That was an ugly fight they had on the deck."

Vista stroked his mustache, looking thoughtful before he replied. "They'll be fine. Ace might get his ass kicked, a beating he would deserve, but I think if they sit down and actually talk all will be well."

"Does he really deserve her wrath though? He is her commander, he was within his rights to tell her to stay," Haruta shot back.

Vista shook his head. "Shouldn't have done it the way he did. I'm sure Thatch and Marco have both already told him he was in the wrong. Maybe not for making her stay behind, but for how he did it. You've seen them together, they don't work as Commander and subordinate. She's his lover, his partner, his equal. He didn't treat her as such, and with whatever it is she's holding onto, it made her lash out."

In the commander's hall, Izo knocked on the door to Ace and Ashina's room. After a moment of no reply, Izo knocked again. "I'm not above breaking the door down, Missus Spade. Open up, you can't stay locked away forever."

It was quiet from a moment before Izo heard the tell-tale shuffle behind the door. The lock clicked and Ashina swung open the door.

"What?"

Izo took in her hair piled on top of her head in a messy bun, the splotchy cheeks, red eyes, and rumpled clothes. "You look like shit," he said, sweeping past her and into the room.

He moved to the desk to deposit the bowl and cup and turned to look at her as she glared at him, still near the door. "You really can't stay in here forever."

"I'm not," Ashina replied lamely, moving to sit cross-legged on the edge of the bed. "I just… I hate that we parted like that. I should have held my tongue."

"Flame Boy, as you so lovingly call him, should have done a better job at juggling Commander and lover." Even as Ashina's eyes widened, Izo continued. "But I don't care about him. I know Marco and Thatch will lay into him just fine. I want to know about you. Are you okay, Ashina? And I mean really okay?"

Ashina started to nod her head, even as the hard lump formed in her throat. She shook her head, ducking her chin as tears pooled in her eyes. Tensing as Izo sat on the bed, she was rigid in his large embrace for a few moments. Then she melted, dissolving into hard sobs. She cried for the fight with Ace, for the trauma that little girl and woman would live with, for the loss of her mother, and her own haunted memories.

Izo didn't ask questions. He didn't recoil back in disgust as she soaked his kimono with tears and snot. Instead, he stroked her long hair in soothing brushes with his fingers and whispered soft, calming nonsense. When her tears dried up, Izo still held onto her.

Izo's voice was a deep rumble with her ear pressed to his chest as he started talking. "You don't have to be embarrassed for being human, if that is why you don't want to come out of your room. It's okay to have reacted the way you did. You and Ace, the two of you need to talk. Whatever it is that's haunting you, that hurts you, you need to tell him… especially if he doesn't know. He doesn't know how to help you if he doesn't know what's wrong."

Ashina was quiet for a long time, comforted by Izo's brotherly embrace. "What if he hates me?" she whispered.

Izo snorted before chuckled softly. "Missus, that boy is enraptured by you. He could never hate you." He pulled back, holding onto her upper arms with his hands. He inspected her, then smiled. "You still look like shit."

Ashina snorted, rolling her eyes, but he continued. "You need to eat something, drink the tea. Then take a hot shower, you'll feel better. And no more crying, everything will be okay."

A quick squeeze to her arms and then Izo was gone with a flourish of pink silk, leaving her alone in her room. He hovered outside her door for a moment, smiling to himself when he finally heard the desk chair grate against the flood and the soft noise of her peeling the citrus fruit. Izo headed for the deck, he needed to speak to Pops.

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Ashina pushed open the door to the Captain's quarters and stepped inside. "You wanted to see me, Pops?"

Pops was leaning up against his headboard, legs outstretched in front of him. "Sit," he said, pointing to the end of the bed.

Ashina did as she was told and move to perch on the very edge of the bed. She twisted her fingers together, unsure what Pops wanted to see her for, other than the fact that even after Izo's pep talk the night before, she still hadn't joined the crew for meals.

"Have I done something wrong?" she whispered.

Pops laughed, "Izo's still complaining that you haven't come out to eat, but that doesn't concern me." He then leveled her with a serious gaze. "I don't allow women to be part of my crew, alleys and subordinate captains, but never my own fighting crew. You're the only exception I've made to that personal rule of mine, and you'll be the only exception I ever make. As such, it is my responsibility to care for you, to protect you because you are also my daughter." He let the words hang in the air for a brief moment before adding, "Have a made an error in judgement letting you go off on that mission for Dragon?"

Ashina shook her head and then replied softly. "No. You didn't make a mistake."

"I know second hand from your little spat with Ace that you got hurt. I want to hear from you directly. How?"

"I protected a little girl and her mother. There was a group of men attempting to rape the woman. It brought up some memories I try to not think of, and I intervened."

Whitebeard nodded slowly. "And so you acted outside of your mission?"

"Yes."

Pops nodded, his gaze neither condescending nor approving. "Did you kill the men?"

"Yes."

Ashina prepared herself to be scolded, but it never came. Instead Pops nodded slowly. "Good."

They sat in silence for a long time before Ashina looked up at him. "Why did you let me join?" she asked softly. "You've never allowed a woman to be in a main division."

Pops studied her for a moment before answering with a chuckle. "You're that little Red-Haired brat's kid. You withstood my haki and weren't afraid to fight for your Captain against a crew you knew would be stronger than you."

"I almost beat Thatch."

Pops laughed loudly then. "So I've heard him complain. He's lucky he got the upper hand on you. Years ago, I heard whispers of your mother, a young, powerful kunoichi exiled from Wano that disappeared into one of the Blues. Heard the rumors that floated around about Red Hair having a young girl aboard his ship a few years back, but it seemed to all be just rumors until we found you with Ace. There was no mistaking who you were if the rumors were true. I came to fight Ace, but I was pleased to see you did not disappoint either."

Pops expression softened as he kept talking, "I don't think it's a woman's place to fight, Ace should protect you as a man, as your man, but I can see it in you. Saw it the night you stood over Ace's exhausted body, unwavering despite being outnumbered and overpowered. It's in the very fiber of your bones. You're a fighter, Ashina. Whatever memories killing those three men and saving that woman stirred… let them rest in the past. Don't forget the past, but don't let it crush you. Focus on your present and your future. I think your mother would want you to be strong as you moved forward and learned from the past."

Ashina's eyes widened at his knowing eyes and barely-there smile. "Tsuna was her name," Ashina whispered, smiling softly back at Pops. "Thanks."

"Ashina," he said, stopping her from leaving as she stood from the bed. "You may still have your father, but you're my daughter now, too. I'm glad to see you came back mostly unscathed. However, you will not go on another mission without taking Ace with you."

Ashina smiled. "I think I can agree to that."

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Ace couldn't wait to see Ashina. He wanted to tell her he how sorry he was, he wanted to hold her and kiss her, and if she'd even let him touch her he wanted to reconnect with her in the most intimate of ways. He knew he'd been an ass to her, as Marco and Thatch continuously reminded him. He hadn't pressed her on what happened on her mission or how she was handling the after effects, and then he pushed her too far.

His feet hit the deck as his eyes scanned the crew standing around and greeting the returning men in the late evening. Ashina was nowhere to be found, but he spotted Izo near one of the lanterns and made his way over to him.

"Where's Ashina?"

"In your cabin. She hasn't come out much, and when she did out she didn't say much."

Ace sighed. "I was an ass."

"You were a massive dick," Izo corrected, "but she misses you. Jozu caught her standing on the deck late at night staring off at the horizon."

Ace smiled softly, memories of Ashina on the deck of the Spadille drifting through his mind. "Yeah, she does that." He scratched the back of his head and then waved to Izo as he turned to go. "Later man, see you in the morning."

Their room was dark when he entered and the only sound was Ashina's steady breathing. He lit one of the candles on the little table by the bedside before carefully peeling off his clothes. He crawled into the bed and laid on his side to face her. Using the tips of his fingers he brushed a stray strand of hair out of her face.

Her eyes opened and he could tell that she'd been crying. The green orbs were bright, even with only a little light in the room. They were also bloodshot and swollen.

"Hi," he whispered.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you," she whispered back, her hand reaching out to touch his chest.

He nodded. "I'm sorry too, but I deserved the tongue lashing."

"No you didn't," she replied, shaking her head minutely. "Maybe if I'd told you what happened, everything I was thinking, you would have understood, and it wouldn't have happened." She shifted her legs closer and Ace wrapped his arm around her lower back, pulling her impossibly closer.

"You weren't ready, Ashina. It's okay. Marco and Thatch fussed at me the entire trip. I feel horrible, Ashina. I didn't… I didn't know about anything that was going through your mind, and it's partially my own fault for not asking."

Ashina gave a small grin, but it faded after a moment. "I couldn't leave that little girl and her mother, Ace. I heard their screams, other people had to have heard them too, but no one else came. My body reacted even as my mind was trying to catch up, reeling from the memories those screams brought to life.I had to save them, save her, and I knew I could. I couldn't walk away."

"I wouldn't expect you to." He kissed her forehead and then the tip of her nose, he caught her eyes before lowering his lips to hers in a soft, quick kiss. "Will you tell me about your mother?"

Ashina took a deep shaky breath and her eyes flicked down to his chest, not meeting his gaze. Her legs tangled with his as she shifted closer. Her fingers started to traced over his chest, drawing imaginary lines that connected the freckles on his chest, she called them his constellations.

Her voice was soft as she started talking. "She was kind, pretty, not so tall. I got Papa's hair and a bit of his height. Mama had almost jet black hair but green eyes like mine."

Ace noticed the fond smile tugging at the corners of her mouth as he studied what he could see of her face.

"You know she was born on Wano, but we lived in the West Blue after I was born. We lived just outside town and we really only ventured into the town when we needed something. Mama taught me how to fight. She said I showed a proclivity for being a kunoichi from a young age, so she started to train me when I was about four. I remember it being little things at first, fun, sneaking up on animals, trying to catch butterflies, tiptoeing through the house, but they served a purpose. When I got older she started to teach me hand to hand combat, and eventually working with a weapon. Her specialty was the kunai. She could sword fight, but I learned my tricks with a sword from Papa."

"You're deadlier close range," Ace said, interrupting her with a smile. "I have mixed feelings about you fighting. It's hot as fuck, don't get me wrong, but I want to protect you as well. Garp used to visit every couple years. How often did you see your father?"

She took another shaky breath, but her fingers continued to trace patterns across his chest. "Papa came to visit once a year, as close to my birthday as he could. Sometimes he was a few weeks late, sometimes he came early. There were two years he couldn't make it at all. It was rare that he managed to make it for the actual day, but I understood. He was a pirate and the seas were dangerous. It was dangerous to come back to the West Blue. He and my mama shared no love between the two of them, none except their love for me. I remember asking Mama one time, why Papa didn't ever say I love you to her when he said it to me all the time. I was old enough to know and understand the truth so she told me. She was debating joining his crew and leaving Wano when they discovered she was pregnant. Papa wouldn't let her sail, said it was too dangerous, and took her to the West Blue. He was there for my birth, but left when I was about two months."

Ashina was quiet for a moment and smiled fondly at the sudden memory that passed through her head. "Papa came earlier for my thirteenth birthday. It was always fun, his crew came and we celebrated for the whole week. I always enjoyed the week Papa came because we would practice my sword fighting. Mama was always so mad that I was a lefty like him."

She paused, and Ace didn't speak for fear that she wouldn't continue. After a few moments though, she kept talking but her voice was so soft he barely heard her. "Mama and I went into town for some supplies: food, a few new clothes. I went off on my own to look at this one merchant stand, it was near the rougher side of town, close to a bar and a brothel. A man grabbed me, I remember I could smell the alcohol on him mixed with his own nasty odor. He tried to drag me off into the alley behind the brothel, but I was screaming and kicking and fighting. At thirteen, I was pretty good so his friend came to help him, and that's when Mama showed up. I'd never seen her look so murderous before. She was fast, she moved quicker than I could keep up with, or maybe my memory has blocked it out, I don't know. She attacked the two men, I remember their screams and hers, I remember the gunshot ringing in my ears. When they fell, she remained standing, but I remember watching as she waivered on her feet. That's when I noticed her holding her side, the blood coating her clothing. I told her I'd take her to the doctor, but she said no, to take her home. No doctors, no other people… so I took her and I ran with her as fast as I could carry her back to our home. She died minutes later once we reached the house. I think now, looking back, she knew she wouldn't live, and she didn't want to die away from home."

Ace tenderly wiped the tear away from her cheek and Ashina's green eyes lifted to meet hers. "There was a man, he was the town's blacksmith, and he was nice, friendly. Maybe in love with Mama, even though she never let a man stay in our home, but he always came to check on us, make sure we were okay. He came that day. He offered to help me bury her, but I said no. She was my mother. She died to save me and it was my responsibility to bury her. He didn't help, but he didn't leave. He stayed to watch over me. He didn't ask any questions or say anything stupid or meaningless. He was just there, a solid, strong, safe presence. He left that night. He came back a few days later with a beautiful cross, wood and metal, Mama would have loved it.

"I didn't have anywhere to go, and I knew Papa wouldn't make it back for another year. I didn't have a way to contact him, to tell him what happened, so I stayed in our little house and I trained. Mama voice rang over and over in my head, critiques and tips, strategies. I trained each day to be stronger, wondering if I could have prevented her death if only I'd been stronger."

"Ashina you were thirteen," Ace whispered.

"I know, and when I saw that little girl, Ace, being held while her mother was about to be raped and no one around to save her, I was back there in the West Blue, behind that nasty whore house, and I was my mother. I was the woman strong enough to save her. I had to, for Mama."

Ace had no words. There was nothing he could say that would take her pain away, and he knew all too well that wishing would never bring your loved one back to life. His mother was gone and so was hers, but together they had each other.

He pulled her closer, wrapping an arm tightly around her waist, and pressed his lips to the top of her head as she sniffled. They stayed silent for a long time before Ace spoke.

"I'm sorry I ordered you to stay behind."

Her voice was thick with the tears she was holding back as she replied, "You were worried about me, and I was mad and hurt and it felt like you didn't think I was good enough."

Ace titled his head back and lifted her chin, swiping the pad of his thumb gently over her cheek. "You will always be good enough to fight with me, Ashina. I'm sorry to have made you think any different. I can't stand to see you hurt."

She nodded and sniffed, and Ace wiped away the remaining tears from her cheeks. Her green eyes caught his gaze and he held it, staring into those fathomless, emerald depths. "Apology accepted," she said softly, but clearly.

Ace leaned in to press his lips to hers in a tender kiss, the softest of touches. When he pulled back he dropped a kiss to the tip of her nose before looking at her. "I want to know more about your mother, about you and her. I only had Dadan and Makino."

Ashina smiled softly as she nodded. "Okay, but only if you tell me about Dadan and Makino."

The boyish smirk that tugged at the corners of his mouth as she spoke stretched into a wide grin. "I didn't meet Makino until after Luffy came along, she came up shortly after he arrived to check on him. I thought he was a crybaby and it was worse because she babied him, but when she didn't treat me like a baby, I liked her."

Ashina listened while Ace talked about Makino and Dadan, interjecting with questions and quips just as he did to her as she told him her own tales of growing up with her mother Tsuna. It was a part of their lives neither of them had yet to really delve into, basic questions, honest answers concerning parentage, but never deeper, never so intimately. Ashina shared stories she had never told a soul, times her mother and her spent together on their little island. How much she loved her little island with it's pretty blue-green waters.

They talked until Ashina's words were starting to slur and her eyes were heavy. Ace's fingers were trailing random patterns on her back, lulling her deeper into sleep. She snuggled deeper into his arms, sighing softly as his arm tightened around her, and closed her eyes.