Therapy

Written by MarySueIsDead

Chapter 17: Goodbyes

A/N: This story has been so therapeutic to write. I started it three years ago as a completely different person; someone with a lot of anxiety and fear of failure. Each time I posted a new chapter, I was going through some hardship in my life. That affected the way I wrote, and as time went on, I could see the characters grow with me. A reviewer once said it was a "coming-of-age story", and they're right. I've let go of a lot of that anxiety and fear of failing. I've forgiven family I haven't spoken to in years and cut people out of my life who I called 'best-friends'. I feel happy and confident now. My anxiety and fear is at the lowest it's ever been. So, I appreciate the people that keep reading this story and continue this fictional journey with me. It's not a lot of people, but the people that stick around are the ones that truly matter, and that's enough for me.

There's just one more chapter to go, and I'm very excited.

~2000~

She sat there in Bliss' office, on that couch, dreading the conversation they would have today. The young girl had thought about it for awhile now. It made her irritable, the...feelings. She was never good at dealing with these emotions or expressing them properly. Made total sense why she started therapy in the first place.

Getting older was...more of a curse than a blessing in her opinion. Getting older meant no more innocence. It meant responsibility. It meant moving on. Time was a stupid, dumb, bitch.

"You look lost in thought. Is everything alright?" Bliss inquired, her clipboard on her lap like it had been every session.

The blonde haired girl scoffed in response and muttered under her breath. "Of course not."

"Would you like to talk about it?"

Helga grumbled to herself. "That's all we ever do. You know, I thought eventually this talking crap would help me…'let go of this anger' like you say. But life still isn't fair, no matter how much we talk."

The older woman sighed lightly. "Our talks aren't always about changing the way things are. Most of the time it's about learning to accept the way things are. Therapy won't give you a magic answer or a cure. It's about releasing the emotions you build up inside, in the hope that...you will feel better."

"Well, I won't feel better if...you're gone." She crossed her arms and pulled her legs up on the couch to bring her knees close to her chest. She wanted to make herself small and defensive; the young girl was feeling rather vulnerable.

That troubled Bliss, but unfortunately this was the way of the profession she had chosen. "Helga, we've talked about this. I'm not going anywhere. You're getting older, and I am...technically a child psychiatrist." She wasn't exactly pleased with the words that came out of her mouth, because she knew they were disappointing. "I have spoken to Olga and recommended you start sessions with a psychiatrist I've known for a very long time. Her name is Dr. Chan, she is very good with pre-teens."

Her irritability rose, but that's because she was sad, depressed, disappointed; whatever you wanted to call all those feelings wrapped up in a bundle. "So, that's it, huh? You just pass me along to the next shrink. That's all I am to you doctors; a hot potato."

The therapist set her clipboard aside and stood up; she sat next to Helga on the couch. Helga shifted her weight on her rump and turned away from the older woman. "You know that's not true."

She grumbled again. "Yeah, right."

Bliss calmly crossed her hands on her lap. "I'm going to try and find a way to say this to you while...attempting to keep my profession in tact." Tears formed at the corners of her eyes. "This isn't easy for me either, Helga. Talking with you, laughing with you...watching you grow...it's has been one of the brightest highlights of my career...and my life." She drew in a deep breath before continuing. "So, I understand if you're upset right now. I'm upset too, I'm just...encouraged not to show this emotion to my young clients when I have to...let them go."

Helga turned her head to the side. "You mean that?"

"I do."

The blonde dropped her defensive disposition and turned to Bliss, embracing the older woman's torso. Her voice cracked. "I almost didn't come today."

Bliss slowly returned the hug. She knew she shouldn't have gotten attached to her patients, but she was only human after all, as much as she tried to be a superhero for those in need. "Why not?"

"I...hate goodbyes."

The therapist held back the looming wetness behind her eyes. "It's not goodbye forever. I'm sure we will see each other again someday. For right now, I can only hope that I have helped your life in some way."

Helga didn't respond, she just tightened the hug.

There was silence in the office room for a few moments before Bliss spoke again. "Helga...can you try to promise me something?"

The young girl glanced up at the sad face of her mentor. "What?"

Bliss moved her arms and cupped Helga's face in her hands, staring through those large glasses that were too big for the young blonde's face, right into her watery sapphire eyes. "Learn how to forgive...and let go. Not only to those that hurt you, but to yourself as well."

"I'm...I'm not sure how to. When I think about that forgiveness stuff...all I feel...is pain...and anger."

The older woman faintly smiled and brushed away a tear that streamed down Helga's rosy cheek. "You're smart. It'll come to you one day." A droplet finally fell from the corner of her own eye. "Helga Pataki, you are lovable and you deserve love. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, even yourself."

~2003~

The older blonde rustled in her bed. A certain smell aroused her senses from deep sleep. Her tired mind surmised she could have still been dreaming, however, the smell continued and grew stronger.

Olga opened her groggy eyes and altered them to the alarm clock on the nightstand by her bed. The digital clock read 5:43 AM. Just two minutes before her alarm was supposed to go off.

A yawn escaped her mouth as she slowly sat up. The sun had barely risen from what she could see through her window curtains. The smell became more familiar. Waffles? Blueberry? The only time she recollected this smell was when she was cooking the breakfast meal herself.

She drew her covers to the side and moved her legs off the mattress. She made sure to reset the alarm. The older sister stood up and fixed her nightgown as she curiously made her way out of her room and down the stairs. Olga entered the kitchen and was genuinely surprised at the sight she saw.

Helga was in the kitchen, rotating the waffle maker. A bowl of batter resided next to the maker on the kitchen counter. She noticed Olga's presence and greeted, a little tired herself but there was energy too. "Morning. Ya' hungry?"

Olga responded, rather taken aback. "Good morning. Um, who are you and what have you done with my baby sister? I don't think you've ever woken up before me."

Helga chuckled, it was true. "I didn't sleep much last night. I was thinking...a lot. So, I figured I could do something nice for you for a change."

The older sister crossed her arms with suspicion. "Is this to lighten the verdict of your grounding? Because depending on how good these waffles are, the severity could be up in the air."

The teenager humorously scoffed. "That's your decision. I'll leave the parenting stuff up to you."

Olga's palms moved to her hips. "How are your hands feeling today?"

"The swelling went down. They feel better. Still kind of sore though."

"Well, I'm still just happy nothing was broken." The older sibling took a seat at one of the barstools of the kitchen island as she watched her sister open the maker and fork out the cooked waffle onto a neary plate. "This is very sweet of you, Helga. Thank you."

The younger blonde picked up the plate and held it out for her sister.

Olga took the plate and hesitated before applying the buttery and sugary dressings "What are your plans for tomorrow?"

Helga thought to herself as she grabbed a nearby can of cooking spray and sprayed the hot metal of the waffle maker. "I was, um...going to go talk to the owner of Joe's Eats. I told Stinky I'd work there for a bit to pay off the damages. So, that was kind of the only thing on the agenda. Why?"

The older blonde sighed. "Well, I know you'll probably get annoyed with me asking, however… I'm heading to the prison tomorrow. To visit Daddy for about an hour or so, and...he keeps asking...when you'll come."

"Oh."

Olga took the dish of butter on the kitchen island and a knife; she scraped some of it onto her waffle. "I think he...regrets. A lot. I know he's never been your favorite person, but...I think he really wants a new relationship with you. And he misses you."

Helga firmly placed the can onto the counter and crossed her arms. "What's to miss? There was never a 'relationship' between he and I to begin with. Plus, if I hear him talk about beepers or the Empire or money one more time, I'm going to lose my shit."

Olga set down the knife and dish. "Helga, he doesn't want to talk about that…'stuff' anymore. I think he just...wants to talk about 'Wrestling' with you."

The teenager raised her thick eyebrow skeptically. "Wrestling?"

The older sister pinched the bridge of her nose. Getting through to her younger sister was tough; parenting was a nightmare at times, but she loved her family more than anything, and she had to try and break through to her sibling. "Helga, I understand where you're coming from, okay sweetie? Our father, will never ever be able to understand your emotional complexities. He won't be able to talk with you about your poetry, or the things that teenage girls go through." She paused for a moment. "He only knows how to talk about what he knows how to talk about, and he knows that the one thing you two have in common is Wrestling." Olga's blue eyes glazed over with desperation. "I know you probably think it's a pointless or boring topic and you have better things to do with your time- But he so badly wants to see you...and talk with you. Do you understand?"

Helga bit her bottom lip; her defenses lowered as her sister's words flowed throughout her hasty thoughts. "So, you're saying...he doesn't want to talk about that other crap anymore...he just wants to talk about Wrestling…because that means I'll come and I'll...finally speak to him."

Olga nodded and drew in a deep breath. "I told him a couple years ago, if he ever wanted to salvage a relationship with you...he had to stop thinking about himself and what he wanted to talk about, and actually focus on having a back-and-forth conversation with you. I think he's starting to comprehend that."

Helga gave a half smile. She supposed she didn't give Olga enough credit. Her older sister really did know her and stick up for her. "You really told him that?"

"Of course, Helga. You know I love the both of you to pieces." She looked wistful. "I just want us all to be a family again."

The teenager hesitated for a moment and her grin widened. Olga was the glue to this broken dysfunctional family. Her sister was right, she would never be able to talk to Bob about the emotional issues she dealt with on a day to day basis. She would never be able to talk to him about Arnold or Phoebe or Rhonda, or any of that. However, she could talk to him about Wrestling and other sports. It was...something to talk about, and something was better than nothing. "I'll think about it. Talking about Wrestling might not be so bad..."

XOXOX

The morning air was brisk as the autumn season loomed. Curly rubbed his red nose as he pushed through the chilly breeze on his bicycle. He rounded the corner onto the next street, heading towards the highschool. He rolled up and noticed his schoolmate sitting on one of the bars of the bicycle rack in front of the large building.

Harold stood up from the steel bar as Curly hopped off his seat and pushed his bicycle towards the rack. He greeted curiously but pleasantly. "Good morning, Mr Berman."

The husky teen's back stiffened, he was there on professional business after all. "Uh, morning! Patty- I mean Trish, had an idea that we could put your bike in the back of my van. It'd probably be safer that way. No one would be able to tamper with it."

Curly's manicured brows rose and he nodded. "What a splendid idea!" He began to lead his bicycle away from the rack when Harold interrupted his motion.

"I can get it for ya'." Harold grabbed the middle of the frame and lifted it above the ground; he walked towards the parking lot as the shorter boy followed him. "I can also drive you home later, if you want. I just gotta' drop Trish off first."

The flamboyant teenager felt a subtle blush rise to his cheeks. Must've been the weather. "Oh, that's very chivalrous of you, but I wouldn't want to impose on anything."

They reached the van and Harold opened the rear double doors. He carefully laid the bike inside. "What do you mean?"

"Well, you and Trish...I mean, you're a couple, aren't you?"

The husky boy closed the heavy doors and locked the vehicle with his key. They started walking back towards the entrance of the highschool. "A couple of what?"

Curly faintly chuckled to himself. "Nevermind. I would be very appreciative of hitching a ride home with you two."

"Cool! You know, we never hung out much before. You and me. It's kind of nice. I didn't know you were, um...what's a good way to say this? Not a total freak-show?" His face cringed slightly. "Sorry, I'm not so great at thinking up words."

The shorter teen released a laugh this time. "I will take that as a compliment, Harold. Thank you. I didn't know you were...not an incompitant imbecile."

Harold hesitated to ponder. "...Is that a good thing?"

Curly cordially smiled and took his bodyguard's arm as they strolled up the stairs. "Yes, it is a very good thing."

"Alright, well yeah! Um, I was thinking, since you're all into this football stuff now, maybe some Sunday we could watch a game together? My dad just got a HDTV I think they call it. It's pretty cool."

They opened the doors and entered the school. "That sounds wonderful, Harold."

XOXOX

She drove again to school that day. She could get used to this driving thing. She felt refreshed; pumped-up. Her knuckles were starting to feel better and she was ready to throw down with a bitch. She had a specific one in mind.

Helga scanned the hallways looking for Trish. She strode rather quickly, rounding a corner, not noticing who was around the bend.

THUD!

Her head collided with another's and she fell back, onto her rump. Papers flew up in the air all around them. The palm of her hand went to the sore spot on her forehead and she squinted her eyes to view the person across from her.

Arnold had his hand on his head as well. He glanced back at Helga.

This moment, they had lived many times; staring across at each other in physical discomfort from some sort of bump or thump. It was deja-vu. It was destiny for her body to collide with Arnold's. Eww, not in that way, you sicko.

Yet she wasn't angry, she wasn't mad. She simply grumbled to herself. "Shit. Arnold, are you okay?"

He rubbed the blossoming spot above his green eyes. "That'll be sore later. I'm fine, are you alright?"

Helga groggily stood up and lent out a hand. The teenage boy grabbed it and got to his feet as well. She browsed around their shoes, leaflets for his art club fluttered to the floor. "Yeah." She began to pick up the fliers.

Her gesture surprised him, and he thought of saying something about it, however, he bent down did the same.

The blonde girl handed over the papers to him except for one. "Here you go, sorry about that."

The footballheaded boy chuckled calmly. She wasn't scowling at him or threatening his life. It was surreal but nice. "I was daydreaming, so it's probably my fault, but thank you for helping me pick up my fliers. How're your mighty knuckles feeling?"

Helga awkwardly fiddled with the corner of a leaflet she still held in her hand. "Yeah, a lot better. I took yesterday off to...recover."

"I'm very happy you're feeling better." He noticed the piece of paper in her fingers. "Oh, looks like I missed one."

Helga drew her arms to her chest. "Oh, um, I'll keep this one."

A smirk graced Arnold's lips and he raised a brow. "What happened to the other one I gave you on Monday?

The teenage girl returned with a sheepish look. "Used it to pick gum off my shoe…but this one, will survive for...probably a couple of days."

Arnold grinned favorably. "Well, thank you for being honest with me and...please keep me updated on your recovery. It's really good to see you back."

"It feels...good to be back. Oh but, Arnold, before you go, have you seen Trish around?"

The blond boy pondered for a moment. "I believe I saw her by the north side drinking fountain earlier." He casually organized the papers in his arms.

Helga nodded before leaving his presence and continuing her search. "Thanks. Uh, see ya, Arnold."

He watched her walk away, continuing to smile to himself. It was probably one of the nicest encounters he'd ever had with Helga Pataki, and he would cherish it... Arnold winced and his fingers went back to the lump on his noggin. After he iced his forehead, of course.

Helga made her way down the halls when she finally spotted Trish. The strong teenager was inconspicuously hanging out by a row of lockers, next to the water fountain Arnold said she would be near.

The blonde approached her tall, muscled friend. "Trish, there you are."

Trish glanced over at the skinnier girl but firmly kept stance. "Here I am. Morning, Pataki. What's new?"

Helga folded up Arnold's flier and stuck it in her back pocket; she then tapped the tips of her fingers together in nervousness. "Well, I wanted to talk to you. I've decided...I want in on this hit." She ended with determination.

Trish let out a single laugh. "What makes you think I need extra hands?"

Helga shook her head. "You don't, I know that. Trish, you're a freaking beast! But I've been wanting to talk to you about...picking up some work for a while now. I've just been...kind of mentally out of it until recently."

The strong girl pursed her lips inquisitively before responding. "You really think you can take this on? I haven't seen you use those fists for quite some time." She cringed at the condition of Helga's knuckles. "Looks like you've been handling people on your own."

Helga bunched her fists and held them up aggressively. "Yeah, I've been handling some shit! So I think you should give these babies a fighting chance!"

Trish giggled at her compelling friend as Wolfgang walked past them in the hallway. She nudged Helga's shoulder. "Well, here's your chance. Time to show up or shut up, Pataki."

The bully stopped in front of Harold and Curly who were standing by Curly's locker, having a pleasant conversation. He began to mock the two. "Ah, so the fruit-cake finally got himself a boyfriend." He sneered at Harold. "Isn't that against your religion or something, Tubby?"

The flamboyant boy growled and spoke first. "Good lord, you're such an annoying lummox, Wolfgang!"

"It's alright, I got this." Harold stepped forward and pushed his broad chest against Wolfgang's. They were nearly the same height. "You better shut up, there's a contract on your ass now."

The two burly teenagers glared into each other's eyes. Wolfgang puffed his pectorals against Harold's. "Oh really? No one would ever put a contract on me. I'm triple the normal rate"

"Someone paid up." Trish's voice boomed throughout the hall as she and Helga approached the scene. The muscled girl pointed at the antagonist. "You lay a finger on him and you're going to be in a world of pain."

Helga firmly stood beside Trish and cracked her sore knuckles in an intimidating gesture.

Harold took a step back as Wolfgang looked from Trish to Helga and released a jeering laugh. "What!? You mean this carpet-muncher is going to teach me a lesson!? You can't be serious, we had a deal, Trish."

"I'm serious."

"Well, who was it!? Was it this puny freak-"

In one swift motion, Helga grabbed Wolfgang's forearm and twisted it behind his back. She hurled the front of his body against a neary set of lockers. Her free hand grabbed the back of his head and pressed it against the cold metal wall. She scowled threateningly. "Is this serious enough for you? Or are you not convinced? You're the hit. He gets protected. You understand the contract? If you don't we'll have problems."

Stunned, Wolfgang struggled to get out of her grasp. She jerked his arm higher into the twist. He responded in a yelp of pain and nodded reluctantly. "Criminey, Pataki. I get it. The twerp is protected."

Helga let go and the bully rubbed his now aching arm. He glared at the group of teenagers that ganged up on him.

Trish had a smug grin and crossed her arms. "Glad we could help you see the error of your ways."

Wolgang released an exaggerated scoff. "He's still a freak and so is she." He commented nastily before storming off down the hall.

Harold dropped his defensive stance and turned to Curly. "Are you okay?"

The unscathed boy stood there, gazing in admiration at his group of protectors. "Yes of course, thanks to you, Trish…" He smiled warmly at the blonde. "And Helga."

Trish nodded to her friend. "Harold, you moved the bike?"

"Yep, it's in my van."

"Alright. We'll regroup at lunch."

The two clasped hands solidly.

"Sounds good."

Trish pointed to the shorter boy as she started to walk backwards; Helga followed her in suite. "Take care of my guy, Curly."

Curly waved as the girls strolled away, down the hall. "Oh, I'll take care of him!" He exclaimed.

Trish turned forwards and wrapped her thick arm over Helga's shoulders. "Not bad, Pataki. I'm impressed. Looks like you spoke a language that got through to the bone-head."

Helga smirked. She was a little worried her knuckles would feel tender or sore after, but they actually felt alright. "I'm also fluent in 'breakyaknees'."

The strong teen laughed out loud. "Come see me sometime. I'll hook you up with a hit or two. Oh, and...It's good to have the old Helga back." She winked and nudged the blonde before heading towards her class.

XOXOX

Phoebe reviewed the homework they were assigned yesterday. She didn't have much time to complete it last night since she had stayed at the Pataki household for a while. She would have more time during her study hour today, however, she wanted to get a jumpstart.

Conversations from yesterday flooded the forefront of her mind. Waves of guilt crashed against the shore of her brain. She, of course, didn't need to do the homework. She didn't need to do any of this, or even be here. Was it selfish to still want to be a teenager for a while longer? With all the brainpower and intelligence she had, she supposed she could have been putting that energy towards making the world a better place somehow. But then...wasn't she making the world a better place now? She was essentially offering her services in exchange for the protection of her friend.

She bit on the tip of the eraser from her pencil. Being utterly selfless sometimes was a curse and yet it made her completely happy at the same time. That's why she enjoyed the presence of her friends so much, that's why she enjoyed being back in Hillwood. Because they would remind her, it's okay to think of yourself at times. There would need to be a balance. It was alright to have fun and be reckless, and be responsible too.

She had developed so many new and wonderful memories since she arrived back into town. It made her focus less on her injuries, and what she could do. Her depressing emotions were easier to handle. She found herself relaxing more and dwelling on the positive.

Phoebe knew Rhonda wanted her to tell Helga the truth, but the truth would just have to wait a bit longer.

A presence sat in the desk next to her own. "Good morning, Miss Heyerdahl."

The shorter girl's thoughts dispersed, and she peered over at her taller friend. Rhonda adorned a charcoal silk-velvet jacket over a scarlet flouncy knee-length skirt and ankle-strap heels. She appeared completely different than how she was yesterday. She had product in her jet black hair and subtle makeup over her eyelids and cheeks. It seemed as if the Rhonda Lloyd she remembered from all those years ago was back and better than ever. "Good morning, Miss Lloyd. Is that a new outfit? It looks exquisite on you!"

Rhonda swooned as if she ascended to cloud nine. She laid her arm on the desk and leaned upon her elbow. "Oh, Phoebe, everything feels right with the world again. Mother arrived home last night from Arizona, and she picked me up the cutest outfit while she was in Scottsdale. Wearing the latest fashion collection just lifts the depression right off your shoulders! I feel like a new Rhonda."

Phoebe smiled in response and asked inquisitively. "Was she able to convince your father to lessen your punishment?"

The dark haired teen released a lighthearted giggle. "Bless her heart she tried, but...they're not on the best terms right now. She did however give me some cash for the rest of the week so I can actually afford decent food to eat."

"Well, that's marvelous. I'm very ecstatic that you're feeling better. How are your symptoms today?"

Rhonda sat up straight in the chair, she then moved her purse to the table of the desk. "I started taking some anti-nausea pills, so, still slightly dizzy. But in a mildly fun way, not a nauseous, vomity way. How are you? Did you think anymore about what we talked about yesterday?"

The shorter girl absentmindedly tapped her pencil against her notebook page. "Yes, I have. However, I began working on yesterday's homework assignment, and before you scold me for doing assignments I know I don't need to do, it helps me process my thoughts. It's therapeutic."

Rhonda's brown eyes widened. "Shit! I knew I was forgetting something! I've been so high off of these new clothes, anything to do with school seemed completely irrelevant. Which is horrible because I told myself yesterday I would work harder on my studies!" She pouted and she rose the back of her hand to her forehead dramatically. "Can't I enjoy anything?"

Phoebe chuckled at her friend's display. "Do not fret, I can assist you with it later. Mrs Paulson may extend your deadline since you were ill."

Miss Lloyd dropped her act and grinned at her shorter friend. "And I wouldn't scold you about the homework you don't need to be doing. I've said my piece. It's completely up to you now."

Phoebe's facial features softened. "I appreciate the support, and I'm sure Helga's going to love seeing you in that new outfit."

Rhonda gasped. "You really think so!?" She stood up from her seat and struck a pose in the column space of the desks. "Which do you think is my best angle? I, of course, think all my angles are best, but it's always interesting to get a second opinion, you know?"

Phoebe giggled as she watched her friend model different postures like she was in a fashion photoshoot, and the teacher entered the classroom from the doorway.

Mrs Paulson had a stack of quiz papers tucked under one arm and a hot mug of coffee in her other hand. She looked over the rows of students at their desks and an unamused expression came over her facial features. "Good morning, class, and good morning to you, Miss Lloyd, now please stop modeling for Miss Heyerdahl and sit down. Thank you."

XOXOX

The shorter teen headed to the library for her study hour. She would finally be able to complete yesterday's homework and brainstorm creative ideas for Trish's art piece, something she was definitely looking forward to. She could search for inspiring references in a book or on the web.

Phoebe took a seat in front of an open library computer. She pushed the power button; waiting for it to boot up, she opened her notebook beside the keyboard.

Just then, a familiar blonde entered the library and peered around, finally spotting her friend. "Pheebs!" She called out, resulting in a nasty glare from the nearby librarian.

"SHHH!"

Helga winced and held up her hand; she whispered. "Sorry." The taller teen skipped over to where Phoebe sat and pulled up a chair next to her friend. "I'm happy I found you."

Phoebe returned with an affectionate smile. "Good afternoon, Helga. How are you feeling today?"

Helga rubbed her palms together anxiously. "Nervous, but in a good way. I was wondering if you could help me search for something on this thing." She pointed at the flickering monitor which came to life and revealed the desktop.

Her friend smirked. "Not proficient with computers, Miss Pataki?"

"Pheebs, I type like ten words a minute. Trust me, this will be way faster if you could help me." She placed her hands together again, this time in a prayer. "Pleeeeaasseeeee?"

She giggled. "Alright, I'll do my best." Phoebe took the mouse and clicked on the world icon, opening up the worldwide web. "What shall I search for?"

Helga bit her bottom lip and thought to herself. She wondered if this was such a good idea after all. All day she had been planning this moment, now her feet felt cold, nearly frozen.

"Helga?"

The blonde leaned over and cupped her hands around the side of Phoebe's face. She whispered something into her friend's ear.

Phoebe's hazel eyes widened and her brows rose. "Wow. That's...a big deal. Do you imagine you'll be alright?"

Helga nodded to herself and chewed on her lip again. "Yeah, I think...I was scared..and kind of angry for a while. But...I don't know. I feel better now and I don't want to...squander that feeling. You know?"

Phoebe grinned graciously. "I fortunately do." The shorter girl typed Helga's suggestion in the search bar and pressed enter. Several different websites loaded. "Which website do you think will have the most information?"

Helga pointed to an address on the monitor. "Probably that one."

Phoebe clicked on the link. The business website loaded with information and profiles of the faculty. "Here's a phone number. Do you want to write it down?"

"Sure." Helga opened up the notepad she took to school every day and jotted down the number with a pink pen. Her fingers were slightly shaking.

Phoebe studied her companion. "What do you think you'll say?"

"I don't know, I'm hoping it'll just come to me."

Miss Heyerdahl hesitated. "Helga?"

The blonde looked up from her notepad and they met eyes. "Yeah?"

Phoebe smiled again, however it burdened her lips. Heavy emotions swung back and forth like in a hammock of her heart. "There's something...I've been wanting to get your opinion on. Maybe we can get together this weekend to converse about it?"

"Sure. Is everything okay?"

Phoebe nodded and responded genuinely. "Yeah, I think it is."

Helga glanced back down at what she wrote on her note paper. "I'm going to go call this number." She exhaled a heavy breath. "Wish me luck?"

Phoebe placed a reassuring hand upon Helga's. Her friend's pink ribbon was intertwined with her grandmother's again around her arm; she would wear the two like this everyday from now on. "You don't need luck. I have faith that you're ready."

XOXOX

School had finally ended. The teens all survived the boredom of their classes, and now they all anticipated the event they had all been waiting for. Well, that some of them had been waiting for.

Rhonda was posing (again) on the football field by the bleachers; Curly and Harold sat on the aluminum seats watching with amusement. The flamboyant boy commented with glee. "That outfit is so FAB!"

The dark haired girl moved her arms and wrists in different positions. She couldn't decide which pose was her favorite, she loved them all. "I know right!? Ugh, too bad we don't have a boombox to play some music. They would cancel tryouts and turn the field into a cat walk!"

"Oh my God, that would be WAY better than tryouts. I can always sing something for you?" He suggested.

Rhonda skipped a few feet away and planted her feet firmly. She placed her hands on her hips. "I'm ready, Mr Gammelthorpe." She then began to strut in a straight line, parallel to the bleachers.

Curly sang one of his favorite tunes; his voice was melodic and loud. "You better work, cover girl! Work it girl, give a twirl! Do your thing on the runway! WORK!"

Rhonda stopped her stride and flug her hands into the air in a final pose.

Harold was eating a Mr Fudgie bar as he watched the spectacle. He curiously asked, "What's that song?

The shorter boy turned his head to his inquiring bodyguard. "It's called 'Supermodel'. It's sung by a drag queen."

Harold's face responded in surprise. "Wow, a queen sang it? Is it like, the national anthem of a country or something?"

Curly snorted humorously and peered back at Rhonda. "Isn't he adorable?"

Her palms fell back onto her hips. "Alright boys, can we focus on moi, por favor?"

Her friend raised his manicured brow. "You just used French and Spanish in the same sentence."

"I know what I did. Now, how should I be posing when Helga comes out on the field? Should I go for poised and proper or sultry and seductive?" She crossed one arm over her torso and raised the other to touch her bottom lip.

"Rhon', honey, I adore fashion as well, but I think this one's getting to your head a little."

"Oh Li-Li, come on, you know how much I've been suffering! I deserve a day to be playful Rhonda!" She exclaimed and sat next to him on the metal seat with a pouty face.

"I did miss playful Rhonda a whole bunch, but do you know who Helga really likes?" He raised his hand and lightly booped her nose with his finger. "Rhonda Rhonda, as in, your natural self, silly."

She exhaled wistfully. "You're right, I'll tone down the theatrics. Let's focus on you, Mr Sportsman. Are you excited? Do you think Wolfgang is going to give you a hard time?"

He shook his head confidently. "He'd look like a complete buffoon if he did! I mean, more so than he usually looks. You should've seen what Helga did to him this morning!"

Rhonda gasped and placed her hand over her chest. "My Helga?"

"She did a pretty damn good job roughing him up." Harold commented and took another bite of his bar.

Curly smirked, remembering the event fondly. "He called her a carpet-muncher and then she nearly ripped his arm off!"

Rhonda closed her eyes and tilted her head back. She held down a moan in her throat. "That's probably the sexiest thing I've ever heard in my life." She opened her brown eyes and gazed back at her friend. "Plus, she was defending my sweet little kumquat! Ugh, how is she so perfect?"

The shorter boy pointed behind Miss Lloyd. "Why don't you ask her yourself?"

Three teenage girls were spotted walking on the green field, making their way to the bleachers.

"What's up gang?" Helga called out.

Trish jumped onto the bottom row of seats and made her way next to Harold. "Nice, front row seats!"

Helga sat next to Rhonda as Phoebe took a seat next to Curly. The blonde raised the crooked glasses off the bridge of her nose and eyed Rhonda's attire with a mischievous twinkle. "New duds, Miss Lloyd?"

The well-dressed teen made eye contact with her blonde female friend and blissfully swooned. "Yes."

Phoebe asked the shorter boy next to her, "Do you think you're well prepared for tryouts, Li-Li?"

Curly's amber eyes lit up. "Oh yes! I hit up the public library after school yesterday, and I read most of this one." He held up a small book that resided on his lap. "It goes over around two hundred drills and plays."

Rhonda pleasantly interjected into the conversation. "Well, I think I can speak for us all when I say, we're excited to see you in action and, I'm insanely excited to see the look on Wolfgang's face when you're out there standing next to the coach."

"Hell yeah. It'll be a good show!" Trish commented. "And if he tries anything, we'll be right here."

Helga lightly nudged Rhonda's shoulder. "Speaking of prepared, are you prepared for this new job you told me about?"

The dark haired girl chuckled warmly. "You just can't get over the fact that I'm going to have a job, can you?"

"Nope."

Miss Lloyd sighed in a displeasing way. "Well, I didn't even tell you about the BEST PART. About how I'm going to get to and from said 'job'. Mr Gammelthorpe thinks it's a great idea for me to ride a 'skateboard'."

Helga's blue eyes widened and her face cringed in disgust. "A skateboard!? Curly, I knew you were crazy, I knew you were insane but- you know what? I'm just going to leave it there. This is a 'lady' were talking about!

Phoebe covered her mouth to suppress a giggle as Curly's brows raised at the confrontation. "She needs a mode of transportation! And my cousin left it at our place so I thought, why not?" He shrugged innocently.

Helga scoffed and crossed her arms. "Olga has a pair of old roller skates I can give you. She used to be competitive in college. WAY more suitable for you than some rickety old board."

Curly crossed his arms as well. He was a little offended at Helga's dismissive tone and objection. "While I don't much appreciate the sass you're giving me, Helga, I agree, roller skates would suit my queen much better."

Trish asked towards the blonde, "Was your sister was in roller derby?"

Helga snorted, which turned into a boisterous laugh. "Are you kidding!? Olga was in figure skating. Pfff, roller derby my ass."

Rhonda pondered for a moment. "I do have more experience roller skating. Oh Helga, it's a wonderful idea." She turned to Curly and pursed her lips cutely. "You won't be mad, darling?"

He dropped his defensive disposition and waved his hand casually. "Oh, of course not! I was just trying to find a way to get rid of the old thing. Destroying it will be MUCH more fun."

A few more teenagers appeared on the lush grass; the coach migrated towards the vicinity of the football field as well and Curly's back straightened. "Alright everyone, wish me luck!" He stood up with his small book and walked over to the older faculty member as the students began to stretch or throw a football back and forth to each other. Wolfgang was one of them.

"Good luck!" The gang cheered as they watched him greet the man.

The shorter boy walked up and held out his hand. "Good afternoon, Coach! You're simply radiating vigor today, sir!"

The coach released a quiet chuckle and took the student's hand, giving it a firm shake. "Afternoon, Gammelthorpe. You ready for some football?"

"Yes, sir! Am I ever!"

"I like your enthusiasm." He then looked at the teenage boys nearby and took the whistle that hung around his neck. He blew into it. "Listen up! If you're here it means you are trying out for the varsity team this fall-"

Wolfgang interrupted the coach with a hearty, ridiculing laugh as he spotted the flamboyant boy on the field. "I can't wait to see the little creep do some burpees. That'll make him hurl for sure!" A few of the teenage boys around him chuckled at the comment as they started to glare at Curly.

The coach's face hardened and he placed his hands behind his back. His posture stiffened. "He's actually trying out as my assistant. If anyone has a problem with that, you can kiss your spot goodbye. You got any witty comeback to that one, Wolfgang?"

Wolfgang's humorous demeanor instantly faded and he nervously gulped. "Um, n-no, sir."

"Okay, now apologize to Gammelthorpe."

He glanced around at the teenage boys that now stared at him. Wolfgang crossed his arms, attempting to keep his cool. "F-For what?"

"If my hearing serves me right, you called him a 'little creep'." The coach stared at the student rigidly. "Do it, or automatically lose your spot."

His lips were tight. "I'm sorry." He muttered reluctantly.

"You're what? Say it louder so everyone on the field can hear ya'."

The bulky teen grumbled loudly this time. "I said, I'M SORRY."

"Good. Football is a game of strength, strategy and teamwork. If he plays the game right and you play the game right, we won't have any problems." The coach turned to the shorter boy next to him. "Now, Gammelthorpe, what's first on the agenda for these tryouts?"

Curly's features beamed. "I'm so pleased you asked, Coach! Since Wolfgang is so enlightening, I was thinking we could start off with a hundred burpees. How does that sound to you?"

The teenage boys on the field began to complain audibly and a smirk appeared upon the older man's lips. "Sounds good to me. YOU HEARD HIM! One hundred burpees, from the east goal line to the west!" He lifted the whistle to his lips again and blew.

XOXOX

There were several other exercises that happened on the field that day. The teenage boys that tried out for the team were drenched with sweat as they ran, push-uped, squatted and burpeed. A few of them just fell to the grass and laid there inconspicuously for a while until the coach blew his whistle again. None of them talked back to Curly and the coach, not even Wolfgang.

Most of them were accepted into the team; Wolfgang got his spot. Curly was utterly hopeful when the coach looked to him and granted him a spot on the team as well. He even shook his hand again! It was probably one of the happiest moments of his whole year.

The gang excitedly exited off the bleachers to congratulate him on the field. They all began to toss around ideas on how they should celebrate.

Helga subtley took a couple steps away from the crowd as nervousness rumbled in the pit of her stomach again. She gazed up at the large goal post and the setting sun. Phoebe noticed and strolled over to console her friend.

The blonde sighed. "I want to do this, Pheebs...I'm just...scared." She raised her fingers to her mouth and began chewing on a nail.

The shorter girl spoke with care in her voice. "Try asking her. I'm sure she won't mind going with you." A gentle smile blossomed upon her lips. "You know she's crazy about you, right?"

Helga smirked and rolled her eyes. "Yeah."

"I'm sure she would do anything in the world for you. Just like I would."

The taller teen exhaled heavily again. "I don't deserve you ladies."

Phoebe placed her hand reassuringly upon Helga's arm. "We know deep down you're there for us too."

Helga peered over to her sympathetic friend. "I definitely want to be there for you. I still sort of feel like I need to atone for the past...but I'm trying to...forgive myself and move forward from that. And I think this will help me...be a better me. And that's better for everybody."

"I think that's very mature."

The two girls caught Rhonda's attention and she left the group to curiously walk over. Her hands fell onto her hips. "Everything okay over here?"

Helga turned to the dark haired girl. "Yeah, we were just discussing something. Um, can I actually talk to you for a sec, Rhon'?"

Phoebe kindly grinned at Rhonda as she strolled past her friend and back to the gang of teenagers.

Rhonda moved her arms and crossed them casually over her chest. "Of course, whats up?"

"There's actually...something I have to do tonight. I was wondering if...you would come with me? I understand if you don't want to go, however, It shouldn't take too long. Then we can meet up with the others and celerate."

The well-dressed teen's features remained inquisitive. "Is something wrong?"

Helga shook her head and rubbed her sweaty palms together. "No. I just...may need some emotional support with this...errand."

The group of friends finally came over and Curly exclaimed. "Okay, we've decided to go to Slausens first because we're all starving! And then it turns out Trish's cousin is throwing a party tonight, so we're going to go crash it!"

Rhonda stared at her anxious blonde friend, then back to Curly, then back to Helga, then back to Curly. She pondered her decision for a moment. "Hey, Helga and I will meet up with you guys later. We just need to run an errand first."

The blonde commented encouragingly. "I promise we'll be back before you know it."

Curly's gleeful disposition faltered. "What? You two aren't coming? What kind of errand?"

Rhonda cupped his face affectionately with her hands. "Sweetheart, we just have to do this tiny, little errand, and then we'll be back to celebrate all night with you. I'll call you from a payphone when I get the chance and let you know when we're on our way back, okay?"

He released a sigh but nodded. "Okay, I'll keep my cellphone on me. You two don't have too much fun without us."

Trish came up behind him and wrapped her strong arm over his shoulders. "Come on, dude. We'll keep you company until they get back."

Harold proclaimed. "Yeah, and I'm really starting to get hungry!"

His burly female friend retorted. "You just ate like, three Mr Fudgies."

Trish, Harold and Curly began to walk off to their next destination, however, Miss Heyerdal hesitated and waved to the two girls before joining the group. She mentally sent a little prayer up into the heavens that everything would go well for her female companions.

Rhonda watched the gang stroll away and she altered her attention back to Helga. She took a step forward and gently took the blonde's healing hands into hers. She grinned tenderly. "So, where to next?"

XOXOX

The two girls sat there, on a creaky old bus, on their way to an unfamiliar destination. Helga was gazing down at her chewed fingernails; she twiddled her thumbs as thoughts hastened throughout her mind.

Rhonda peered at the side of her friend's anxious face. "I don't think I've seen you this nervous before."

The blonde half-smiled. "Sure you have. You've seen every part of me."

The dark haired girl turned herself on the bus seat and took one of Helga's hands into her own. They were shivering. "You're going to twiddle your thumbs down to stubs."

Helga closed her blue eyes and drew in a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself.

"So, you're not going to even give me a hint of where you're taking us?"

She shook her head faintly and opened her eyes. "It's a surprise." The blonde turned her sight to the window and gazed out at the passing buildings and street lamps. "You know where I've been wanting to go lately?"

Rhonda smoothly rubbed the shakiness out of Helga's fingers. "Where's that?" She questioned.

"Cape Cod."

Miss Lloyd grinned fondly. "Seems like forever ago that we were there. What do you miss most, the swimming or the fridge stocked with food?"

"I don't know. It's more like...a feeling I miss. When we're there nothing else matters. It's just you, me and the beach."

"We could always go again soon."

"The water is going to start getting cold."

"Haven't you ever heard of polar bear skinny dipping?" Rhonda scooted closer and whispered into her friend's ear. "I'll keep you warm."

Rhonda's breath tickled Helga's skin and the blonde's smile widened. She pondered for a second. "You know how...I'm pretty bad at expressing or...showing my feelings?" She looked over into her companion's chocolatey brown eyes.

"I wouldn't say you're bad...maybe more 'Elizabeth Barrett Browning' about it?"

Helga's disposition became still until she blinked herself back into the moment. "She's...my favorite poet." The blonde moved her hand up and took her crooked glasses off the bridge of her nose. She stared more intently into Rhonda's luring irises. "How did you know that? I never told you that."

Rhonda meekly shrugged. "I've snooped around your room before. But of course, I never told you because then you'd be mad."

Helga then squinted her eyes in a playful glare at her friend. "Yeah, you're probably right."

"Whatever you're good at or bad at, you're you. That's what I love about you."

Helga bit her bottom lip and calmly pulled her hand from Rhonda's. She tightened her bruised fists. She would attempt to open up more. It would be hard, and she probably would feel uncomfortable in the moment, but maybe it would be good for the long term. "I want to say something, so...you better shut up and listen, Princess." She stated firmly but also with humor.

Rhonda's perfect brows perked up. "Yes, ma'am?"

Helga lightly shook her head as she chose her words. "I've coped...with my parents out of my life. With Bliss out of my life. With Phoebe out of my life...I don't think I could ever cope with you out of my life. I don't even like imagining it. So...I hope you like being stuck with me for a while."

Rhonda gazed back into Helga's mesmerizing sapphire eyes for several seconds before responding. "Permission to speak, Madam Pataki?"

"Yes, you may."

She tilted her head in an affectionate way. "I'm not going anywhere. Especially not without you." Rhonda leaned over and pressed her lips against Helga's cheek, planting a long kiss. She eventually pulled back and sighed. "Plus, I don't have any money-"

"Talking permission revoked." Helga quickly interrupted.

Rhonda snorted and curled into her friend's side, lying her head atop the blonde's strong shoulder.

Helga placed her glasses back upon her nose. She stared up at the flickering lights that bordered the interior of the bus and gently laid her head atop her companion's. She greatly appreciated Rhonda's warmth, her scent, and her presence. The blonde closed her eyes and whispered a poem by her favorite poet. "The little cares that fretted me, I lost them yesterday among the fields above the sea, among the winds at play..."

XOXOX

The bus stopped on a street Rhonda was uncertain with and they exited. The driver closed the doors and drove off, leaving them there on the quiet avenue filled with quieter homes. It was a suburban area in Long Island, much nicer than the old neighborhood in Hillwood. Evening descended upon them; street lamps turned on, warming the atmosphere of the dark street.

Helga took Rhonda's hand this time. "Should just be a block from here."

She felt the shakiness again in her friend's fingers. Rhonda gave a reassuring squeeze. This couldn't be any scarier than blowing up your father's eighty thousand dollar sports car, so she was rather confident she could handle whatever surprise awaited them. She would let Helga lead this time.

They strolled with only the sounds of their shoes marking the sidewalk. A few minutes passed until the two teens reached a quaint one story dwelling in the neighborhood. It had a dark cross-gable roof with ivory shake siding. There was a cobblestone path heading toward the front door. The porchlight illuminated their final destination.

Helga's posture froze at the beginning of the walkway, viewing the house. A gentle breeze passed her arms and goosebumps rose upon her skin. Could she actually do this? She had come all this way. Was there the option to turn back? All she felt she could do was stop and stare.

Rhonda withdrew her hand from Helga's to place it upon her friend's back. She rubbed the blonde's shoulder reassuringly. She would be the emotional support Helga needed, as Helga was and would always be there for her too. "Whoever's in that house, I'm sure they'll be pleased to see you."

The blonde blinked, and came somewhat back to reality. "I suppose...I should walk forward then, huh?"

"It's just one step at a time." Rhonda smiled cordially.

Helga drew in a deep breath and strode forward; Rhonda followed behind until they reached the maple-grained door. The blonde hesitated again, but only for a moment before she rose her shivering hand and knocked lightly on the wood panel.

A second passed. A familiar voice echoed throughout the inside of the house and trailed to their ears. "Coming!"

Helga could feel the thick tears brew behind her eyelids as memories came flooding back to the forefront of her mind. She tried to keep her composure together but it was slipping fast; her lower lip quivered.

The lock of the door unlatched, the knob turned, it opened- and there she was. Just like she remembered her. Tears spilled over Helga's pale eyelashes. The older woman looked practically the same. It had only been three years after all, however to Helga, it felt like an eternity.

Bliss' face brightened with genuine joy at the two teenagers standing on her welcome mat in the suburban evening. She primarily focused on the blonde and the woman's voice cracked with emotion. "Helga." She covered her mouth for a moment. "Oh my, what a beautiful young lady you've become."

The blonde teenager felt like she looked like crap, with broken glasses, a bruised cheek and torn knuckles. However, if Bliss thought she looked beautiful then she would throw all her stubborn biases out the window and accept it. Her heart swelled with so many good feelings, she could barely handle it.

Bliss turned her attention to the dark haired girl. "And Rhonda Lloyd, look at you, you're stunning!"

Helga didn't say anything in response, she just stepped forward to embrace her former mentor.

The older woman was surprised but content all the same and returned the hug. One of her hands cupped the back of Helga's pink and blonde head. "Is everything alright?" She asked gently.

The teenager's torso shook as she began to sob. She tightened the hug. "Yes...I'm just-...so happy to see you. I missed you...I missed you so much."

Water glazed over Bliss' own empathetic eyes. "Helga. I missed you too." She smiled over at Rhonda who waited there politely on the doorstep. The woman gestured her head inside the warmly lit home. "Come, girls. Come inside and we can talk more."

XOXOX

The haunting is of my soul is over.

No more demons fill the empty void of this heart.

It's just me that's left; I'm not afraid anymore.