Chapter 16
While the game was underway, back at the Loud House, Lisa's computer was working overtime. It was endlessly searching for information regarding the forced possession, searching practically every site on the Inflammation Superhighway in the NeitherWorld. Thanks to Lisa's program, it could perform this function without her needing to be there. Unfortunately for her, it also meant she wasn't watching where it was going. As a result, it ended up going someplace it shouldn't. Her computer started to spark, shake and flash as spiky, spindly metal fingers started to reach out of her monitor. Meanwhile, outside, LincolnJuice was unleashing a constant stream of magic into Lisa's special target, as the little genius watched from behind a blast shield. The fusion of the one son and Beetlejuice was starting to sweat some, but he managed to maintain control of the beam. "Very well done, you two." The four year old commented, looking at her phone's stopwatch feature. "You've maintained your magic for over four minutes."
"Go for the record, Linc!" Beetlejuice called out from Lincoln's mouth. Unfortunately, Lincoln couldn't hold it any longer and he ended the magical barrage. He took a few deep breaths, collapsing onto the ground from exhaustion.
"S…Sorry, Lisa...but at forty percent...that took a lot out of me." Lincoln gasped.
"It's fine, elder brother. It is still impressive progress." The little genius said, walking over to him to help him sit up.
"Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice." The middle Loud chanted, which unleashed the ghost with the most from his body, who looked just fine.
"Holding up alright there, Mr President?" BJ asked.
"Yeah. Just need a little rest." Lincoln admitted as he caught his breath.
"Perhaps tomorrow, we can attempt to reach fifty percent of Mr Juice's power." Lisa suggested as she took a moment to check her brother's vitals.
"You really think we're ready?" The middle brother inquired, sounding a little worried.
"I believe so, elder brother. You've come a significant way since you had lost yourself. Your focus and control remain solid, and you've yet to show any sign of losing either in high stress situations." Lisa informed him with a small smile. "I dare say you could handle much more than you think, but taking it slow is still a wise course of action."
"Speaking of course...can you direct me in the direction of Troy?" A voice from behind them. All eyes turned to see a man sized anthropomorphic horse donning the armor of a Persian warrior. He was rubbing the back of his head, looking rather sheepish. "I...think I'm rather lost."
"Er...I'm afraid you're off by several thousand miles in that direction." A dumbfounded Lisa explained, pointing in the vague direction of Persia.
"Thank you, young lady." He responded, shaking her hand before charging off and bellowing "For Prince Paris!"
"Heh. Trojan Horse." Beetlejuice commented to the fourth wall with a chuckle, gesturing with his thumb to the horseman. Lincoln and Lisa were just staring at the humanoid equine in utter confusion. It was then a cluster of strange, cybernetic worms started to slither and wiggle their way down the walls of their house, from the upper floors by the look of it.
"Odd...they look like worms…" Lisa said with a frown, adjusting her glasses.
"Something weird is going on...weirder than usual, I mean." Lincoln said as he stood up. It was at that moment the back door opened and a line of little bearded men with lawn gnome hats carrying pixelated pickaxes came marching out of the house.
"Hi ho. Hi ho. It's off to work we go." The little men sang as they walked along.
"Uh...what exactly are you guys doing?" The one son asked, though he had a feeling he was going to regret asking.
"We're just off to find an information claim." The leader of the group said, whose hat covered his eyes, but not his big, bulbous nose. "We are data miners, after all, and we have families to feed."
"I…see." Lincoln said with a raised eyebrow.
"Wait...a trojan horse...worms...data miners…" Lisa's eyes went as wide as dinner plates as she came to a terrifying conclusion. "By Babbage! My computer!" She exclaimed as she ran into the house, closely followed by Lincoln and Beetlejuice. Inside the house was chaos: Luan and Lola were being plagued by what looked like robotic viruses, Lori was struggling to get her wallet back from as crazed fisherman at the top of the stairs, who had it on a hook, and Rita was wrestling with a glitchy copy of herself, trying to keep it away from Lily. Lisa was rushing upstairs, ignoring it all. Fortunately, she ran right through the phisherman's legs, knocking him forward and sending him careening down the stairs.
"Beetlejuice, go with Lisa!" Lincoln called out to the pranking poltergeist, who flew up after the little genius.
"What's going on?" Lori asked as she unhooked her wallet, looking to her little brother after kicking the unconscious phisherman.
"I'm not sure yet, but Lisa thinks it has to do with her computer…" Lincoln explained, though his attention was on the rest of the family being menaced by literal interpretations of computer issues.
"...Lincoln, go help Luan and Lola. I'll help Mom." The white haired boy nodded as he ran to the nearest closet. Lori, in the meantime, grabbed the glitching Rita from behind, giving her mother the opening she needed to deck her. One solid punch was all it took to cause the duplicate to drop the disguise, turning into a glitchy burglar, complete with striped prison shirt and bandit's mask.
"Identity thief...you know I hate them…" The Loud Mother grumbled. Meanwhile, Lincoln had grabbed a net from the closet before running toward the pair of giant sized viruses cornering his sisters. He swung his net onto the nearest one, causing the two to turn their diamond shaped head toward him. This gave Luan an opening to spray her gag flower at the other computerized injector. The liquid caused it to spark and violently shudder before it collapsed to the floor, out of commission. The one son struggled with the second one for a moment before hurling it toward the fallen Phisherman. When the two made contact, he absorbed the virus, turning green in the face and getting covered in red spots, right before glitching out of existence.
"Whew. Thanks, Linc. I was getting sick of that guy. Hahaha." Luan quipped with a small laugh.
"Welcome. Excuse me!" The white haired boy said before he ran up the stairs to check on Lisa.
Moments earlier, Lisa and Beetlejuice had just thrown open the door to her room, only to bear witness to something the little genius found utterly horrifying. Her computer monitor had turned into a churning, swirling vortex, spewing out a variety of living examples of malicious software. The mini mastermind gasped, dashing for the computer to unplug it. However, she only got a few steps in when a large, flat barrier sprang up in her path. Upon the side facing her was an advertisement announcing Mayor Maynot's reelection campaign. She tried to go around it, but another wall appeared to block her. "Aww man...pop ups." BJ groaned. "Even I'm not that obnoxious…" He commented before leaning toward the audience. "But I'm trying."
"I don't suppose you plan to do something helpful…" Lisa inquired, looking and sounding quite perturbed. The ghost with the most rolled his eyes and suddenly donned his handy dandy handy man outfit, looking over the scene from the door.
"Whelp, what we got here is your classic pop up problem. Bothersome...but nothing that can't be solved with a little Pop Up Blocker." He said, pulling a caulk gun loaded with a tube of adhesive of the same name. Once Lisa cleared the way, he started spreading the gunk all over the floor where the barriers kept appearing.
"This won't stain the carpet, will it? Mother will be most displeased if it does." The genius toddler said as she hurried past the muck, the pop ups struggling and failing to intervene.
"Does it matter? Next episode, everything will be back to normal." Beetlejuice answered in an aloof manner. Lisa decided to not even comment on that as she pulled the plug on her pc. However, even cutting the power to the computer seemed to have no effect on the power.
"What? But...how?" The thunderstruck scientist asked as she looking between the monitor and the disconnected plug.
"Because you're not in control anymore, criminal…" A quiet, harsh voice said from the corner of the room. Both Lisa and Beetlejuice turned quickly, seeing a tall, gaunt, but powerful zombie-ish being standing there. He was slightly hunched over, wearing a black, sleeveless shirt, torn black pants, black boots and gloves, and a mostly ripped executioner's mask. Only his mouth and eyes were visible; with his eyes being yellow, pupiless and bloodshot, and his mouth carved into a creepy grin with yellowed, sharp teeth. On his back was a giant axe, with a belt of hatchets around his waist. The pranking poltergeist's eyes bugged out of his head at the sight of him as he screamed.
"GAAAAAAAH! The EXEcutioner!"
"The who?"
"He's a living computer virus, who punishes anyone in the NeitherWorld who catches him."
"Well summarizes, Beetle-Punk." The EXEcutioner said as he casually stepped forward. "And right now, child...YOU are my target."
"Me? But...I wasn't even at my computer when-"
"Irrelevant. It is still your computer, so now you must pay!" Beetlejuice raised his arms, ready to juice the guy, but he was quick. Very quick. He drew a hatchet and hurled it right at the goofing ghost, hitting him square in the forehead. BJ froze in place, crossing his eyes to look at the throwing axe.
"...nice shot…" He groaned before he fell over backwards. Lisa made a mad dash for the tesla cannon, but the sentient virus was able to grab her by the back of her turtleneck.
"Ah ah ah. No you don't." He said with a sinister snicker. "No one escapes from the EXEcutioner."
"...I don't suppose I could get let off with a simple warning." Lisa asked in a deadpan voice.
"He he he he. No. No you couldn't." He told her before walking to the window. He phased through the wall, while carrying her out of the open window before floating up to the roof of the house. "But before I exact your punishment...we need a more fitting environment." He added, looking around for a moment before looking out into the back yard. "...that will do." He said, holding out a clawed hand and raising it toward the sky. A few seconds passed, and then the ground started to shake. A sharp spire pierced its way through the ground, rising like a rocket. Connected to the spire was a series of computer chips, motherboards, and wires, all forming an imposing technological tower. On it's way up, it actually knocked down the back wall of the house. The self righteous virus nodded in satisfaction as he started to float toward the top with Lisa. Just then…
"Louds!" Mr Grouse shouted leaning out the upstairs window. "Shut yer…traps?" His tirade was cut short when he saw the newly formed structure in their backyard. "...nope. Don't want to get involved with that…" He decided with a shake of his head, shutting his window hastily.
Back in Lisa's room seconds earlier, Lincoln had just arrived, frantically looking for his little sister as Beetlejuice pulled the hatchet from his forehead. "Beetlejuice! Where's Lisa!?"
"I'm fine...thanks for asking." BJ said sarcastically. Lincoln was having none of that, grabbing the ghost by his lapel.
"Where. Is. Lisa!?" He growled.
"Alright! Alright! The EXEcutioner got her!" The spirit replied, holding his hands between the angry boy and himself.
"Why didn't you stop him!?"
"Does this answer your question!?" BJ snapped, gesturing to the split in his forehead. "I tried, but he's too quick for me." The one son slowly let him go, trying to calm down enough to be rational.
"Alright...I'm sorry. I'm just worried...now, where did this EXEcutioner go?" The moment he asked that, the ground started to shake. The white haired boy and the goofing ghost quickly fled Lisa and Lily's room and dashed across the hall to the Twins' chamber. The moment the door was opened, they noticed the entire wall was missing.
"This is just a guess...but I'd say up there." BJ said, pointing up at the tower.
"We have to help her!" Lincoln shouted, backing up and getting ready to get a running start.
"Whoa! Cool your jets!" BJ said, a jet pack suddenly appearing on Lincoln's back. "Even if you made that jump, no way you can get up that tower quick enough, or stand a chance against Mr Chop Chop when you get up there."
"...and you said he was too quick for you to fight…" The white haired boy said with a frown, his fists clenched. "...but if we took him together…"
"What!? You can't be serious!?" The ghost with the most said, looking at the boy like he had gone mad.
"Yeah. You've got the power, and living in this house does wonders for your reflexes. I think we could do it."
"You'd need at least fifty percent of my power to take him on...you think you can handle that?"
"One way to find out…" Lincoln replied seriously, gazing toward the top of the tower.
"Though I do not like to boast
The man with the plan and ghost with the most
Let's get together for a power boost
Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice!"
The moment he finished his chant, the pranking spirit was absorbed into the young man's head and, in a matter of seconds, the two once more because LincolnJuice.
"It's SHOWTIME!" They declared, a green toothed grin appearing on his face.
Meanwhile, out front, the home based Loud family members had just emerged from the house to see what was going on. One look at the computer themed tower that had sprouted from their own backyard left them paralyzed with shock and fright. "Where did that even come from!?" Lori exclaimed, her jaw nearly touching the ground.
"I have no idea...I've never seen something like this…" Rita admitted, her eyes wide as dinner plates.
"What's that up there?" Luan asked, pointing at the form currently soaring to the top of the structure. Lola squinted her eyes a bit as she tried to get a good look.
"...It's Lincoln! Or rather, Lincoln-Juice!" She exclaimed, being the only sister present who had really seen the fusion of her only brother and his possessor.
"Lincoln-Juice?" Lori inquired, looking to the pageant princess.
"Something must be very wrong, if he's tapping into Beetlejuice's power…" The Loud mother said, trembling with worry.
"...I think we've got problems of our own too…" The family jester said, pointing to the front door as viruses, worms, and digital trojans were trying to all leave at once.
"...don't let them get out." Lori suddenly said, grabbing a rake from the lawn. She had a bad feeling that letting these things loose in Royal Woods could be a serious problem. Rita handed Lily off to Lola and told her to hide out in Lincoln's tree house as Luan tossed her a shovel and picked up an old, busted muffler from the garage for herself. As the living embodiment of computer issues finally started surging out of the house, Lori, Luan and Rita prepared to hold the line as best they could.
Up at the top of the tower, it was a grim looking scene. Lisa was wrapped up in rope, her back on a slab and her neck on a chopping block. She wiggled and struggled, but the rope was much too strong for her. Meanwhile, the executioner virus was typing rapidly on a keyboard connected to a gutted monitor and screen, his creepy grin growing. Set up all around the area, floating web cameras were set up, all pointed toward him. "What exactly do you think you're doing?" Lisa inquired, thinking if she kept him talking, she could delay him long enough for her to think of a plan.
"Simple. I wish to send a message to all the livies here." He explained, his focus on his typing. "Which is why your punishment is going to be broadcast live, all across their internet."
"A message? What could you possibly have to say to the world?"
"You'll see soon enough." He answered in almost a hiss. Within the minute, his hideous visage filled every screen hanging around the tower. "There we go. Now I just need to stream this and…" The moment he tapped the enter key, his face suddenly appeared on tv screens, computer monitors, phones and tablets all over the world. "People of the mortal world!" He declared, facing the nearest camera so they could every inch of his face. "I am the EXEcutioner, bringer of swift cyberspace justice! I was brought here because one among you violated NeitherWorld law and allowed their computer to become infected by my virus. I am here to exact justice upon the criminal in question." He gestured toward the restrained Lisa, who was suddenly the focus of every camera. "She is guilty of accessing forbidden areas of the NeitherWorld cyberspace...and her punishment is DEATH!" He exclaimed, pulling his giant axe from behind him.
"Isn't that somewhat extreme?" Lisa asked in a deadpan voice. "Besides, don't I have a right to a fair trial?"
"You already had the trial. And I was the judge, and the jury...and I dub you guilty!" He strode over to her, standing beside her with both hands on the headsman's axe.
"...Don't I at least get a last request? A last meal? Last words?" she asked, the toddler starting to sweat.
"All denied." He spat. "And don't you fret, mortals. After I'm done with her...I'm coming for you all next!" The EXEcutioner shouted, pointing toward the viewers. "...For the crime of...well, I'll think of something." He said with a sinister chuckle. He readied his weapon, leering down at the bespectacled little girl. "And now...Off with your head!" He bellowed, raising the blade over his head. Lisa closed her eyes, bracing herself for the strike. Before he could swing, though, the sound of a smoke bomb bursting came from nearby. Both sets of eyes looked toward the dark purple smoke.
"I am the terror that flaps in the night!" Lincoln's voice exclaimed from the smoke. The ax wielder just stood there, looking bamboozled before glancing to an equally confused Lisa.
"I'm just as lost as you are." She responded, looking to the smoke.
"I am the firewall that denies your access!" He continued. The digital headsman lowered his ax before he reached for his hatchet belt. "I AM-" Before he could finish his sentence, the EXEcutioner quickly hurled the throwing ax into the cloud, which resulted in a satisfying thunk. He snickered cruelly.
"Idiot." He hissed. Right as he send that, he felt a powerful force slam right into his back, knocking his weapon from his hand and sending him flying clear across the platform, and right off the tower. Standing where he used to stand was a smirking Lincoln-Juice, donning a football player's outfit.
"-not stupid enough to be standing INSIDE the smokescreen." He commented with a Beetlejuice like snicker.
"Your timing is impeccable." She told him with a slight smile as her ghostly empowered brother untied her with a snap of his fingers.
"Are you alright?" He asked her as she sat up, adjusting her glasses.
"Physically, I am. However, I suspect some level of therapy may be required to-" She started to say, just as the furious EXEcutioner reappeared, flying right at Lincoln-Juice with a roar.
"Hold that thought." The fused young man said, suddenly donning a baseball uniform and a bat. He turned quickly, both hands on the bat, and swung, home run hitting the sentient virus clear across the sky. "Go ahead."
"On second thought, this conversation might be best saved for when we aren't being threatened by a hack happy maniac…" Lisa suggested.
"Yeah, you're probably right." Her brother responded, now in a hockey player's uniform. In less than a second, the virus man returned, a hand axe in each hand. He threw them right at the young man, but he lifted his stick to repel them both before slap shotting the ax wielder back into the horizon.
"I could almost admire that level of persistence…" The little brainiac commented, just as her brother quick changed again, this time looking like a cricket player. He twirled his bat as he turned to face the direction he knew their assailant would be returning from, showboating a little bit with a grin.
"Persistence, or stupidity?" Lincoln-Juice asked, ready to bat. It was right then the EXEcutioner returned, his bloodshot eyes glowing red. Just before the fusion of Lincoln and BJ could swing, the living virus stopped short, arms crossed in front of him, glaring at him. "...what?"
"Seriously? Cricket!?"
"What's wrong with cricket?"
"Nobody understands cricket!" The EXEcutioner snapped, swiping his arm in the air in front of him. "You have to know what a crumpet is to understand cri-" His thought was momentarily interrupted as Lincoln-Juice's bat smashed into his face, sending him hurtling off the tower one last time. "-CKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!"
"Ok. I had my fun." The spectral infused boy said, dropping the club and grabbing Lisa. "Let's scram before he gets back." He said, soaring in the opposite direction that the self appointed dealer of cyber justice had gone.
Back down with the Louds, it was a tough struggle, but they were barely managing to hold off the cyber intruders attempting to invade Royal Woods. Fortunately for them, the front door formed a perfect choke point, keeping them from being utterly overwhelmed as they smashed the unwelcome intruders in their faces with a shovel, rake and muffler. Unfortunately for them, this meant they needed to find another path out. A trojan horse hurled a chair through the bay window, while computer worms crawled their way up the chimney. Lori was forced to move around the side of the house to combat the worms, while Luan turned her attention to the windows, leaving their mother to cover the door solo. "This...is bad." Rita commented breathlessly as she avoided getting caught on the hook of another phisherman.
"There's just too many of them for use to handle ourselves." Lori agreed, tearing apart the digital wrigglers as they tried to squirm their way down the wall.
"At least it can't get much worse." Luan commented as she kicked a pop up spawner back into the house, causing a domino effect for the invaders trying to escape behind it.
"Stop right there!" A voice shouted from behind them. The Louds, the cyberspace invaders, everyone froze in place, looking toward the source. A man sized being in a large trench coat and hat keeping his face completely obscured stood beside the tree where the treehouse holding Lola and Lily stood, holding a torch in his hand. "Your children's fates are now in my hands!"
"Oh shoot...ransomware…" Luan groaned as her older sister glared at her.
"Unless you pay twenty thousand dollars in electronic currancy in the next five minutes...they will be destroyed, permanently." He threatened, pointing up at the treehouse. The trio could hear Lily crying up there, and a frantic Lola trying to calm her. "Your time starts now!"
"Will you accept pounds!?" Came a voice from seemingly nowhere.
"Of course. Just let me cal-" The ransomware started to say, but he was interrupted by the sudden introduction of Lynn's cleats to his face, sending him flying away from the tree and dropping his torch. She growled at him as she stamped out the burning torch next.
"...paid in full."
"Lynn!" Lori, Luan and Rita all exclaimed.
"Somebody call for reinforcements!?" Lana called out as Vanzilla came to a screeching halt on the street in front of the house, the Loud children, Lynn Sr and Lydia all storming out of the minivan.
"Your timing literally couldn't be better." Lori said with a big smile.
"What's even going on here!?" The Loud father asked, looking lost and frightened.
"We're not entirely sure." Rita replied, stepping back as Luna and Lynn took over at the door, Lana joined Luan at the window, and Lucy helped Lori by the side of the house. Meanwhile, Leni scaled the ladder up to the tree house to help protect Lola and Lily.
"...this looks like a NeitherWorld virus…" Lydia commented, looking up at the tower of computer parts. "Lisa's computer must have caught something bad…" Just then, Lincoln-Juice dove down from the tower and soared right over their heads, holding Lisa by his side.
"Whoa! Was that Lincoln!?" Luna asked in surprise.
"No...well not entirely." The gothic teen commented, her concern growing. "That was Lincoln-Juice...this must be more serious than I-" Right as she was speaking, The EXEcutioner came barreling after the ghostly empowered boy and his genius little sister, screaming in rage while wielding his headsman axe. "-thought…" LincolnJuice chuckled in a cocky manner as he swayed and weaved away from the living virus giant ax as he tried to slash at the two of them.
"Ha ha! Can't hit me!" He taunted as he evaded a hatchet thrown by the EXEcutioner, blowing a loud raspberry at him, further fueling his anger. "Not that it would matter if he did. With your ghostly powers, losing my head wouldn't affect me much."
"Er...actually, Linc…" Beetlejuice said, sounding just a little nervous. "When EXEcutioner's axe cuts off a head, it stays off. Even if you're a ghost."
"Wait...really?" Lincoln asked, just barely managing to duck under the latest swing of the giant axe.
"Yeeeeeeeeyup."
"...time for the afterburners!" The one son cried out as he tried to fly faster. However, the spectral head chopper was easily able to keep up.
"Here. Let me help you with that." BJ offered, using one of Lincoln's hands to pull a can from his pocket. A can labeled Baked Beans and Beetles. Instantly able to see where this was going, he placed the can on top of his head (just in time for the axe to slice the top off), then reached back into his pocket to pull out a gas mask.
"I apologize in advance, Lisa." He said, handing her the mask.
"Do what you must, you two." She replied, hastily putting the face protector on, just as LincolnJuice chugged down the can of beans and bugs.
"Now that we're all fueled up…" BJ started,just as they had to turn sharply to avoid getting hit by dual thrown axes. "...let's hit the gas!" He exclaimed, a massive flame shooting from his backside, briefly engulfing their pursuer as LincolnJuice surged forward, far outpacing him. The EXEcutioner was burnt to a crisp, blinking in shock and surprise for a moment before shaking off the soot and dust off of him and resuming the chase.
"What's the plan now? We can't simply fly forever." Lisa pointed out, her voice muffled by the gas mask.
"Don't worry, Coperni-Cassie." The ghost with the most said. "This time, i have a plan, but we gotta get back to your place." The ghostly empowered boy made a sudden turn back toward the Loud house (nearly getting thrown off course because they were going so fast), managing to fly right past the axe carrying cyber maniac before he even knew what was happening. By the time they had gotten back, their speed boost had run out, but the spectral joker was sure they wouldn't need it anymore. They soared around back and smashed through the wall leading into Luna and Luan's closet, crashing out the other side seconds later. In no time at all, the EXEcutioner flew right through the very path they had created, staying right on their tail as they turned into Lisa's room. Meanwhile, Lisa popped her head up from within the closet, making sure the coast was clear.
"Hmmm. I didn't think that would work...but I'm not complaining." The little genius commented quietly, watching as a new crowd of worms and viruses started to storm downstairs. "...I will need to do something about that...but how to get to my lab without garnering attention?" she wondered. Her eyes scanned the room for a moment before she spotted the vents. "...well, if Lucy can do it, I should be able to manage just fine."
At that exact moment, LincolnJuice had just flown into her room, carrying something that looked...kinda like her if you didn't really look too deep into it. However, what he was carrying wasn't all that important. Where he was going, however, was. "Brace yourself, Mr President! We're surfing the Neither Web!" BJ exclaimed as they dove head long into the portal spawned from Lisa's computer. Within the blink of an eye, the fusion of the man with the plan and the ghost with the most found themselves on a surf board, gliding along a fleshy road covered with the worst rash Lincoln had ever seen. All around them were exit signs, advertising the hundreds of thousands of websites that made up the afterlife's internet, which was as massive as the mortals'.
"Huh...you really weren't kidding." He commented, looking down at the pathway they were hovering over. "It is the Inflammation Superhighway."
"It sure is, kid. Now hang ten and watch out. Smiley probably won't be far behind." Beetlejuice warned him, the two looking back just in time to see the EXEcutioner appear in the distance, flying right for them. Lincoln ducked just in time to avoid the blade of the cyber headsman's ax, then kicked the surfboard up and into the back of his head before making like a bolt of lightning in the opposite direction.
"I'LL HAVE YOUR HEAD FOR THIS!" He bellowed after them, rubbing the sore spot in the back of his head.
"So, what do we do now, Beetlejuice?"
"You got your phone?" He wasn't sure where the grim grinning ghost was going with this, but he pulled his cell from his pocket. He wasn't getting a signal...at least, not in the living world, but that didn't seem to matter. Using the arms for a moment, Beetlejuice sent a hasty text message while Lincoln kept watch for the ax man virus, who was angrier than ever as he flew right after them, "Ok, Linc. Stay the course until you get to IP 3778."
"If you say so, BJ...I hope we can make it that far." The empowered one son commented, flying as fast as he could in this unknown place. He could just barely keep ahead of the EXEcutioner at this rate. It was fortunate for him he hadn't used a lot of Beetlejuice's magic before this point, but even he knew that he couldn't fly for eternity. After about five minutes of this chase, the phantom fused young man spotted the exit BJ mentioned. It was barely noticeable, surrounded by a bunch of links to websites Lincoln couldn't even guess what they were about. though he did notice a lot of them had triple xs on them. No time to dwell on that, though. He had more pressing matters to attend to, like how he could lose his head if he wasn't careful. After a sharp reverse to throw their hack happy hater off and force him to turn suddenly, LincolnJuice made a dive for the exit, phasing through the sign. In less than a second, he found himself it what looked like a digital suburban neighborhood, designed by Tim Burton.
"Now you gotta look for a place named Nort or Nortie's." The beetle eating ghoul informed his possessee, just as a hatchet nearly shaved Lincoln's turkey tail off. "Looks like our special friend is still on our tail."
"I hope you know what you're doing." The currently greenish yellow haired boy said, wincing a bit as he checked his hair, making sure he didn't get any new bald spots.
"Surrender now and accept your fate, criminals!" The EXEcutioner yelled, starting to gain. "You will eventually tire! I will never tire!"
"Why don't you just re-tire!?" LincolnJuice responded, pointing a free finger over his shoulder, sending a storm of steel belted wheels at him. It didn't stop the spectral vigilante, but it certainly slowed him down, as he had to block the tires with his ax handle, and slash and hack them to ribbons to avoid getting hit. "Hey, Beetlejuice...why doesn't he just throwing magic at us?"
"He's not a real ghost, kid. He's just a computer program given life. He has no magic."
"Thank goodness for small blessings, I guess...though he still has that huge flipping axe." Lincoln commented. It didn't take long for the EXEcutioner to get past the flood of rubber tires and start to catch back up. However, Lincoln could see a name on a cyber mailbox ahead to the right: an email address with Nort in the name.
"Ok, kid! When I give the signal, you throw Lisa one way, we go the other! Got it!" Beetlejuice shouted through LincolnJuice's mouth.
"What!? Are you craz-" Lincoln started to ask, but before he could finish speaking.
"SCATTER!" BJ exclaimed, hurling 'Lisa' into the website behind Nort's mailbox just as LincolnJuice turned sharply in the other direction, going over the opposite website. Without a moment's hesitation, the living virus turned to go after Lisa. She was his primary target, after all. It was her computer that summoned him. He could go after Beetlejuice later. The moment he crossed through the digital door of the website, he found himself in what looked like a prison block. An empty prison block, but still a prison block. He didn't really notice or care, however. His focus was purely on his target, currently face down on the ground. He flew right at her, the manic grin still on his face as he raised his weapon.
"EXECUTE!" He screamed as he swung the axe down. It sliced through the neck like butter, sending candy falling out from the body. "...what in the hell!?" He asked after a moment of shock, investigating more closely. 'Lisa' was actually a pinata, one of Luan's to be more precise. "...so, they think they're comedians, do they…?" He growled, turning to leave. However, not only did the door shrink to a pinprick, but a towering wall of searing fire blocked his path. "What the!?"
"I got one!" A nasally voice sounded from seemingly nowhere. The headsman looked upwards, seeing a screen above him. On that screen was an excited looking, chubby, one eyes monster with a coke bottle monocle, braces on his teeth, a white button up shirt complete with a pocket protector and at least ten arms. He was clapping two of his hands together excitedly. "I got one! And what a beauty of a virus!"
On the other side of the screen, the bloated monster computer enthusiast was beside himself with joy. His room was small (compared to his size and bulk), but had two desks with at least four computer monitors, four sets of keyboards and mice, and three computer towers. His bed was large and well made and neat, much like his room. Not a spot of dust could be found, not a piece of paper out of place. The sloppiest thing inside the room was the tangle of wires behind his workstation (though not from lack of trying to organize it). "Auntie! Auntie Virus!" He called out with pride and happiness. "Come look!" Within moments, a small, thin monster woman with a single eye, long spindly arms, a beehive hairdo, and nearly twenty tentacles instead of legs crawled her way into the room and looked into one of the many screens.
"Well, would you look at that? Your first virus trapped, Norton." She said happily as she gave her nephew a hug. "I'm so proud of you...wait...is that?" Auntie Virus leaned in closer. "Oh my! The EXEcutioner! That's a high profile virus." She commented, watching as the frustrated head chopper tried, and failed, to pass the firewall. "Norton A. Virus, this is magnificent for your first catch! This is going to look wonderful on your portfolio when you're ready to go professional." The spaghetti thin monster woman giggled with glee. "I must call your parents. They are going to be pleased as punch!" She fled the room with all due haste, looking for a telephone. Meanwhile, LincolnJuice emerged from Nort's phone, grinning.
"Doesn't hurt that there's one heck of a reward for dealing with The EXEcutioner, eh?" Beetlejuice commented through Lincoln's mouth, the fused young man lounging in mid air.
"Beetlejuice, I have to admit, I was skeptical when you said you could hand me a virus to trap, but you pulled through." Nort said, smiling broadly up at him. "Not only did you help me catch my first one, but it was one of the biggest ones out there."
"Sooooo…we're square now?" BJ asked, a hopeful hint in his voice.
"We're square." The bulky virus hunter nodded enthusiastically. "In fact, we're so square, I almost owe you one."
"You owed him one, Beetlejuice?" Lincoln inquired, raising an eyebrow as he looked at his reflection in one of the screens.
"The kid helped me clean out my hard drive and straighten out my motherboard." The goofing ghost said, pulling a car engine with a computer cable attached, which was revving like it was trying to race away, and a plank of wood with a large curly wig, pointed glasses and a pair of lips coated in lipstick.
"And it was about time you did it, young man." The motherboard scolded him. "And when are you going to clean up your desktop? It's almost as big a pigsty as your room." He hastily put both away, while Lincoln chuckled a little.
"And, as you could imagine...I was kinda short on cash when the time to pay came, so I told him I'd do him a solid."
"You can consider that solid done, Beetlejuice." Nort told him with a nod. "Now, make yourself scarce before Auntie gets back, and she decides to disinfect you too."
"Color me gone." He replied, a paintbrush reaching down from the ceiling, causing LincolnJuice to vanish with each stroke of the brush.
Earlier, back in the Loud House, even with all the Louds and Lydia covering all the front exits, it still wasn't enough. Not only was the swarm headed toward the front starting to become overwhelming, but some of them were starting to exit from the back of the house, where the wall had been taken down. Most of the Louds, apart from maybe Lynn Jr, were starting to really get tired, and no way could the sporty sister handle everything solo. Worms, viruses, trojan horses, phishermen, the whole nine yards were pouring from the house, forcing them all to fall back. It seemed like everyone one they deleted, two more were taking their place. Inside the house, however, the vent leading into Lisa and Lily's room had popped open, the little genius landing on the rug before running as fast as her little legs could carry her to her computer. "Ok...I may not be able to shut the computer down…" She said to herself, typing like her life depended on it (which in fact it did). "However, let's see if I can reverse the flow of the portal...preferably before the next wave of trouble comes…"
"It's no good." An exhausted Lori commented, breathing heavily, unable to hold up her rake any longer.
"There's just too many of them…" Lana groaned as she struggled to keep a trio of trojan horses getting away with her lasso.
"I don't think there's a spell powerful enough for this situation…" Lucy said, hope draining from her voice.
"Well, I'm not going down without a fight!" Lynn Jr yelled, sweat pouring down her face, her dented metal bat held tight in her hands. "The only way past me is over my dead body!" She bellowed; and by the look of it, the horde of invaders from the NeitherWorld cyberspace were just fine with that. She grit her teeth, her hands holding the bat so hard, it almost cut off circulation to the fingers. Before the final battle could start, however, they all froze in place. Then, an invisible force started to pull them back toward the house, as if they were being sucked up by an invisible vacuum cleaner. Within a matter of seconds, each and every last worm, trojan and virus was pulled off their feet (or whatever they had), pulled back into the house and right toward Lisa's lab. The doorway leading to the room with the computer was busted down by the sheer number of internet intruders being pulled through and sucked into the portal. Lisa held on to her chemistry table, smirking a bit as her plan seemed to work. The reversal was pulling all the threats back into her computer; not precisely where they belonged, but it was better than letting them into reality. She watched and waited, until she spotted the first things to pass through the computer: the data miners (spinning through the air, like pinwheels), the first group of worms, and finally, the first trojan horse, who was clawing at the rug in a vain attempt to resist the suction. Once he had been returned to cyberspace, Lisa returned to the keyboard.
"Now, for a desperate move…" Lisa muttered, starting to work like crazy on the keyboard. As she worked, the computer tower started to smoke and spark. "Excellent." The toddler mastermind said quietly. "And now...total overload." She typed in a few more instructions into her PC, causing several infinite loops to happen. She quickly dove out of her room just as her tower exploded, sending pieces flying everywhere. Fortunately, it did the job, shutting the portal into the Inflammation Superhighway for good.
"What just happened?" Lynn Sr asked as soon as all went quiet. The family and Lydia hurriedly ran back into the house to check it out. As the ponytailed athlete, family joker and the family rocker started to search the first floor, Lisa stepped to the top stair, looking somewhat pleased.
"You needn't fear, family unit and friend Lydia. The threat of the invaders from the Inflammation Superhighway is no more." She explained, wiping some sweat from her face.
"It is? What happened?" Lori asked as she slumped down in an easy chair.
"Once LincolnJuice aided me in escaping the EXEcutioner-" Lisa started.
"The what?" Leni interrupted, looking confused.
"Remember what Beetlejuice said about the guy who caught a virus and lost his head?" Lydia inquired in response. "The EXEcutioner was the cause of it. I don't know a lot about him, but I know he's seriously bad news."
"Indeed, Lydia." The toddler in the green sweater agreed, a hint of irritation in her tone. "The virus had attempted to take my own head, but our brother, empowered with Beetlejuice's powers, confronted him and quite literally saved my neck. He managed to help me evade his axe long enough to lure him back into cyberspace, I imagine."
"Where is LincolnJuice now?" Rita asked, noticing the lack of her only son in the room. Lisa's eyes widened in horror.
"I...don't know." The little genius replied, and very concerned about that fact.
"Present." Lincoln piped up as he appeared suddenly right in the living room, causing everyone but Lydia and Lucy to jump in surprise. He was laying on his back on nothing, smiling confidently at them.
"Lincoln, Beetlejuice...thank goodness you two are alright." Lisa said as she sighed right relief, started to slowly descend the stairs.
"Like there was a doubt?" BJ said cockily. "The magic of the ghost with the most, with the brain and reflexes of the man with the plan? Old man Chop Chop never stood a chance."
"I was concerned that I had accidentally sealed you in the NeitherWorld internet when I caused my computer to explode."
"Your computer exploded!?" Lynn Sr asked, his hands on his head, looking more than worried.
"I'm afraid it was the only option. After I reversed the flow of the portal and brought the intruders back to cyberspace, I had to overload my computer to get it to shut off." Lisa explained, shaking her head. "But do not worry. I have insurance on my computer in case such an unlikely event. The government will replace it in due time." The Loud father seemed relieved; after all, it was an insanely expensive computer.
"Nice move there, brainiac." BJ said, nodding Lincoln's head. "Well, while you were dealing with the cyber creeps, Mr President and I brought The EXEcutioner into a trap. He won't be bothering ANYONE, living or dead, again."
"Thank goodness…" The Loud mother said, looking like her heart had started beating again after hearing that.
"It took Beetlejuice giving me about fifty percent of his power to handle him." Lincoln added.
"How are you feeling, by the way, Lincoln?" His second youngest sister inquired with a tilted head.
"I feel fine." The one son said. "I didn't feel the temptation to abuse his power this time."
"Good. It probably wasn't that large of a jump to go from forty to fifty, but knowing you could handle that much power, even with the stress of worrying about my safety, is encouraging." Lisa said, looking pleased as LincolnJuice floated down onto the couch.
"Yeah...but I think it's time for me and BJ to have some time apart." He said. "Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice." In the blink of an eye, the one son returned to normal and the ghost with the most reappeared right next to him.
"Whew. Good to be back to my handsome self." BJ said, lounging back against the couch like he owned the place.
"I don't know about the rest of you...but after that, I need a nap." Lincoln said, standing up. He did look pretty tired; after all, all that flying he needed to do wore him out.
"You and the rest of us too." Lana agreed with a yawn.
"I think Lori would agreed, but…" Luan gestured to the oldest of the Loud sisters, who was already sawing logs in the easy chair.
"I think all of us could benefit from a little rest." Rita said, looking around at all the exhausted children.
"But, what are we going to do about the damage to the house, and that tower in the backyard?" Lincoln asked, remembering the entire back wall having been knocked down.
"I got it covered, Mr President." BJ responded, snapping his fingers. A whole armies of Mr Beetlemen suddenly appeared, all rushing out into the backyard. With their combined effort, they lifted the fallen section of wall and put it back in place. While half of them were sealing it where it belonged, the other half started tearing down the tower like a colony of termites. Within a few minutes, the wall looked good as new, and the tower was just a pile of scrap in the backyard.
"Efficient." Lisa commented, looking out at the backyard from the newly repaired kitchen window. "I think I will search through the pile, see if I can salvage anything, later." With that out of the way, the children and two grown ups all headed for their rooms, Leni taking a detour to drop Lily off in her crib. The only ones who hadn't headed to bed were Lori (who no one wanted to wake up), Lincoln and Lisa. The second youngest Loud took hold of Lincoln's arm before he could go. "Elder brother...before you take a siesta...I just wanted to thank you for saving my life."
"No need for thanks, Lisa." Her brother said with a soft smile. "I wouldn't let anyone hurt my sisters, young or old, if I have the power to stop them." He told her. "...and sometimes even if I don't."
"Nevertheless…" Lisa said, just before Lisa gave him a tight hug around the waist. He blinked in surprise, as the little genius didn't hand out hugs that often. He gave her a warm hug in return before he went over to Lydia to see her back home. Meanwhile, Lisa then made her way over to Beetlejuice, who was channel surfing since he had the tv to himself. "And while I am giving proper kudos, I must say I am appreciative of the role you played in my rescue."
"Ah, it was mostly your brother doing all that. All I did was lend him some power and set up the trap for the chop happy chappy." BJ said, not looking to the toddler as he tried to find something to watch.
"Acknowledged, but still, you still played a pivotal role, not just in keeping my head connected to my neck, but in keeping Lincoln safe as well. I won't say I am any more thrilled to know you than when we first met, but I still believe in giving proper credit where it is due. Thank you, Beetlejuice. You've earned a certain amount of my respect."
"Think nothing of it, kiddo." BJ said, finally finding something on tv; a new episode of Mall Wing Wars. He smirked as he made himself comfortable on the couch, getting ready to watch a new string of sabotage, backstabbing and drama.
"Very well. I shall leave you to your show. Until next time." Lisa said, turning away from the pranking phantom and heading back up to her room, where she knew she had some cleaning up to do.