Chapter 17: Tension Rising
O-o-o-o-o-o-o
January crept by slowly as the weather kept everyone inside, making it even more difficult to steal a kiss here or there. They'd get out in the early mornings on the weekends when no one would be awake for a walk by the lake or a coffee under the tree, talking about whatever book they'd been reading or whatever funny story had happened in one of their classes. The conversation flowed easily and their level of comfort around the other made it feel like they'd know each other intimately for years.
They spent most nights together, their bottled-up emotions for each other using that time as their outlet to snog all over Draco's room from the couch to the chair to the kitchen counter to the table to the bed. They still hadn't slept together, something they hadn't talked about since Draco had told her he wanted to wait until the time was right, but that certainly hadn't stopped them exploring in every other way they could. It was difficult not being totally out in the open, but they were making the best of it while the time passed.
"Hermione, Luna and I were thinking of taking a trip into Hogsmeade next weekend," Ginny said to her as a group of the professors chatted in the Great hall after dinner one evening.
"That sounds wonderful," Hermione smiled. It seemed Ginny was more than ready to get over the awkwardness of her brother's breakup now and Hermione was glad for it. She'd missed her time with Ginny.
"My father gave me a list of ingredients I'll need from the apothecary in town for a potion I'd like to brew," Luna said airily, "I've noticed an influx of nargles after the holiday season, probably from all the mistletoe, but he's got a great remedy I wanted to try."
"Her father says it smells a bit like wet feet," Neville mentioned as Luna shot him a glare and he flushed a bit, "But… er... he swears it'll help with the problem, so it'll be worth it. We just have to spray it all over Luna's room."
"Guessing you'll be staying at your place for a while then," Harry grinned at Neville.
"Yes, I've suggested to Lovebug — er, Luna, that she come stay with me for a few days to let it air out a bit."
Luna giggled as he said Lovebug and wrapped her arms around his waist, "Since he's helping me with the nargles, I agreed to spend some time in the greenhouses with him planting the new batch of mandrakes. I've always thought mandrakes were just a bit misunderstood. If you sing them a good tune as you re-pot them, they calm right down."
"Ah, that's the key, Harry," Ron said jokingly, "Just have to sing them a good tune."
"Granger," Draco walked up behind her from the professors table where he'd been talking with McGonagall.
"Hi, Malfoy," she smiled at him as (most of) the others eyed him warily, Harry nodding a warm greeting from behind her.
"Mind if I steal a word regarding the Dueling Club next week?"
"Of course," she said, waving at the others and stepping away with him out of the main doors and down a hallway, where he looked around them before pulling her behind one of the statues.
She laughed, landing in his arms with her hands on his chest.
"Good evening, professor," she whispered.
He grinned, leaning in to kiss her, "You gave me a look earlier," he responded against her lips, "And I couldn't wait until later," he captured them again and she snaked her arms around his neck, giving in to the moment as her heart rate sped up. They shouldn't be out in the open like this.
Footsteps broke them apart and they held their breath as a group of Ravenclaws passed by the statue chatting about the upcoming Gryffindor vs. Hufflepuff match.
As their voices faded, Hermione looked back up at Draco with an embarrassed smile and he kissed her once more, "Alright, sneak back out and I'll see you in the dungeons later," he conceded as he let her go.
"I'll see you tonight," she reassured him, squeezing his hand before she peeked out from the statue and slipped back out into the hallway and towards Gryffindor Tower.
"Hermione!" Came Ginny's voice as she poked her head out of her room, "Thought I heard your footsteps!"
"You can tell my footsteps?" She laughed, walking past her room and into the doorway of Harry and Ginny's.
"When you hear someone walk enough, you learn their pace," the girl said matter-of-factly, her long red hair flowing down her back as she flipped it over her shoulder.
"What's up?" Hermione asked.
"Wondering if you wanted to have a cappuccino and hang for a bit," she asked brightly, "Harry's out with Ron so I thought we could catch up."
"Sure, let me just change into something comfortable," Hermione smiled, she wouldn't be heading down to Draco's room until much later anyway.
O-o-o-o-o-o-o
"Morning, Malfoy," Hermione sped up her pace to catch up with him in the hallway on a Friday morning.
"Good morning, Granger," he gave her a coy smile as she fell into step with him and students rushed by in both directions.
"Do you have any fun plans this weekend?" She asked, a game they played regularly these days as a way to make plans in the open.
"I'll be going to dinner tomorrow, around seven, at this little place in London. You'd like it."
"Going with anyone special?" She avoided his eye, her voice casual.
"Very," he said, catching the blush on her cheeks.
"Sounds wonderful. You'll have to tell me all about it."
"And you, Granger? Anything fun?"
"Going into Hogsmeade with Ginny and Luna Saturday morning before some dinner plans. And I was thinking I'd make Sunday morning breakfast. Something simple like pancakes, but I've had a sweet tooth lately."
"Sounds like a treat," he raised his eyebrows and nodded his head.
"Professor Malfoy! Professor Granger!" Came McGonagall's voice through their conversation.
Hermione froze, turning around as she caught up with them, "Sorry to grab you on your way to class, but I was going to send an owl later anyway," Hermione's heart pounded in her chest, had they been found out? Did it matter? "It's come to my attention that the Dueling Club is over capacity for the DADA classroom so I've granted you permission to use the old theater hall on the third floor."
Hermione felt her heart rate normalize again and she furrowed her brows for a moment, processing the information, "I forgot that room existed," she looked over at Draco who looked confused, "Where is it located?"
"Yes, we've had no reason for it for a long time, there used to be a theater club that would put on productions there but there hasn't been enough interest to ever restart it. It's past the trophy room towards where the forbidden corridor used to be. Surely you remember where that was," she said knowingly.
"I — yes, I believe I remember," Hermione gave her a sheepish smile.
"We'll send a notice around to the Dueling Club participants," Draco told McGonagall.
"Wonderful," she paused, looking like she had something more she wanted to say, "I'm very proud of you two for working together to make the club such a success."
"It's been fun, truly," Hermione said as Draco nodded in agreement, catching her eye with a grin.
McGonagall looked between them curiously before nodding, "Alright, well, off to your classes then."
She walked briskly away from them, scolding two students who were running down the hall.
Hermione turned back to Draco, who reached for her hand out of instinct. Her eyes widened at him as they made contact and she pulled her hand back, "Sorry," he said, looking around. Nobody was paying them any attention as it was, and he felt a pang of frustration that he couldn't simply grab her hand for a moment.
"It's okay, doesn't seem like anyone's watching" she said, willing her heart rate to slow again for the second time that morning.
"Well, off to class like McGonagall said, I guess," Draco gave her a half-smile that didn't meet his eyes.
"Dr-Malfoy," she said softly.
"See you around, Granger," he took a step back before turning and heading towards the potions classroom without giving her a chance to respond. He needed a bit to cool down again after her reaction to his slip-up. It was the first real slip up he'd had and her notion to pull away from him was the first real indication he'd seen that she decidedly was not ready to be out in the open. He'd heard her say it of course, and they'd talked about it, but this made those words real. He took a deep breath as he walked through the Potions door. He'd put it from his mind. He'd see her tomorrow afternoon, anyway, as she had plans with Harry and Neville that evening, and all would return to normal for now.
O-o-o-o-o-o-o
Draco awoke to a brisk Sunday morning naked and tangled with Hermione. He pulled her closer so he could feel the curve of her back against him, kissing her shoulder and thinking about their night out at the Alchemist Den the evening before as she stirred with a soft hum. He ran his fingers down her arm and she shivered, the hint of a smile ghosting across her features as she tried not to give in to him.
"I see your smile," he whispered, kissing her neck as she shivered again, her smile broadening as her eyes remained closed.
"I can feel yours," she mumbled back, acknowledging the part of him that was currently demanding her attention under the blankets.
He let out a mischievous laugh, moving his hand under the blanket to graze slowly down her bare leg and around to move back up her thigh.
She pushed back against him with a soft sigh, wrapping her arm behind her and around his neck.
"Oh, are you waking up now?" He asked coyly as he caressed her skin.
"Mmhmm," she murmured happily before turning over and pressing flush against him, capturing his lips and draping her leg over his.
"This is just too tempting," he said, hand moving around to her backside as their lips broke apart and she grinned at him, kissing him once more before she rolled back over and pushed herself up, "Wha— where are you going!?" He said indignantly.
"To teach you not to wake me up early on a Sunday morning," she yawned, stretching as she grabbed a robe from the chair and turned back to him with a wink, opening the door and walking into the living room.
Draco lay back with a groan and he heard her chuckle from the other room, "You're a menace, you know that Granger," he called in a tone of frustration, mixed with a tinge of admiration for how she played the game.
"I'm making pancakes," she called back, ignoring him.
They sat on opposite ends of the couch half an hour later in their underwear with plates of pancakes in their hands and their legs wrapped up together in the middle.
"What have you got planned for the day?" Hermione asked as she savored a particularly sugary bite off her fork.
"Potter wanted to fly around the pitch and go for drinks," he said casually, "It'll be our first outing since we returned to school."
"Sounds wonderful," she smiled, more than pleased to hear that their friendship was still blossoming. Harry had been busy the last few weekends helping the Weasleys with some projects around the Burrow so he hadn't had as much free time as he usually would and Hermione had hoped he hadn't been avoiding her and Draco in the meantime.
"I'm guessing he doesn't know about us?"
Hermione paused mid-chew before she swallowed, "Actually, I did tell Harry."
Draco looked up with interest, "Oh? Recently?"
"When they first got back. He's impossible to lie to."
Draco grinned, "Well it's nice to know we have one person that knows our secret that we can be ourselves around."
"And Pansy," Hermione noted, "She sent me an owl yesterday to get lunch in Hogsmeade soon."
"Are you going to go?"
"Of course I am," she said with a laugh, "We had a perfectly nice time dancing."
"You're not worried someone will see you dining with her and wonder what's up?"
"If they do, I'll just say we ran into each other in Flourish and Blotts and got into a discussion about a book, which we decided to take to lunch and give each other a fresh start. You and I have become friends and we've been open about our friendship, I don't think it's out of the realm of possibilities that Pansy and I could have as well."
"Sounds like you've thought that through," he said dryly, cutting through another piece of pancake.
"It's not time to tell the world yet, Draco," she said softly, "I'm so happy with you, but I'm not ready for the reaction yet."
He nodded slowly, "From Weasley?"
"And the students," she sighed, his tone was making it clear that he was starting to tire of keeping things quiet, "We've talked about this. I want people to know this is real when we reveal it, and not just some rebound. I need some space from Ron, physically, as well as time-wise, to feel like it won't be a scandal. It hasn't even been three months since him and I ended our relationship."
"I know," he said a bit icily, standing with his empty plate and walking to the kitchen as he did his best to keep his temper in check.
She watched after him sadly for a moment before she followed him, placing her plate on the counter and grabbing him around the waist from behind, "You know you're cute when you're mad," she said, trying to lighten the mood.
"Mmhmm," he responded, turning on the water, letting his plate hover and flicking his wand at the sponge to start washing.
"And you know how happy I am with you, don't you?" She said quieter, starting to feel a bit insecure with his mood.
"Yes, I think you mentioned that."
"And do you know how lucky I feel that I get to call you mine?" She asked.
"Call me yours to whom?" The sponge started scrubbing his plate harder and he grabbed it midair as the sponge fell into the sink, before placing it on the drying rack. He wasn't proud when his temper flared like this, but he couldn't help but feel like she was as embarrassed of his past as he was, and that perhaps hiding their relationship had more reasons behind it than she would like to admit.
"Draco, look at me," she said more directly as he sighed, pausing a moment for a deep breath before he turned, leaning back against the counter as she stayed rooted to her spot with her arms around his middle, "I'm sorry this isn't as easy as I wish it was. I feel really good about you and me, and it's scary in a way to share it with the world because I don't want whatever's out there to impact this wonderful thing we've found in each other."
"You can't let the fear of that hold you back forever, hold us back," he said, his eyes piercing through her. These thoughts had started forming in his head after her reaction to his slip-up Friday morning and had clearly needed to free themselves from his mind, "How are we ever going to move forward if you want us to hide in this safety net, alone and away from the world? That's not reality. In fact, it's a reality I've lived for the last five years; Hiding in the Manor alone, away from the world, staying stagnant while the rest of the world moved forward without me. I want to live life with you, Granger. Out in the world. Together. Unless there's a reason you don't want us to be out in the world together. Which honestly, maybe I wouldn't even blame you for," he crossed his arms over his chest.
"Stop that, I do want that," she said firmly, knowing she needed to better explain, "Very much so. But Draco, I was engaged to Ron after dating for five years. I need to remove myself from the stigma of that. Whether it'd been over for a while or not, we were together and I want what you and I have to be completely separate from that situation; to be its own thing with its own importance," he looked away again and she turned his head back towards her, "I need you to know that you're incredibly important to me. I've never been as happy or felt so completely myself as I feel with you and I told you at the end of the Holiday break that I just needed some time and you had agreed to let me have that. That's all this is, just the time I had told you I need to take in between the end of that and the beginning of this being out in the open. I want this and I want you. Just trust me."
He stared at her for a few seconds before exhaling loudly through his nose. It wasn't going to do any good to fight with her and it was clear she wasn't hesitant about her feelings for him or voicing those feeling to him so he'd have to just bury it for now and let things continue until she was ready... or until it became unbearable, "Fine."
"Fine," she repeated with the hint of a laugh.
"Sorry," he tried hard to change his tone into something softer, though he was sure it still sounded strained, "It's getting harder for me to hide how I feel and have this totally different relationship with you from sundown to sunup. It's like we have to be different people."
"I know. But it won't be forever, just a little while longer. In the grand scheme of things it'll be a blip on the radar for us."
He huffed out a small laugh as his lip curled up at the confidence in her statement, "Alright," he pushed off from the counter and wrapped his arms around her neck, pulling her close and resting his head on hers, "Sorry, I'm not great with emotions. You kind of get all or nothing."
"I like all," she said as he loosened his arms to look down at her, "And I understand your frustrations, it's just a line I feel I have to tip-toe a little longer and then we're home free."
"How much longer do you think? For my own expectations." Maybe a timeline would make it easier.
"A few weeks; a month maybe, not long, Draco. I want to be open about everything as much as you do. It just still feels too close to everything. But I want to live life with you as well. We'll barely remember how hard this was when we look back on it later on."
Draco brushed his thumb down her cheek, his heart swelling thinking about a future with the girl in front of him and being in a place where they could look back on this time together, "I'm looking forward to that."
"And so am I."
He leaned down and kissed her, lingering for a moment before he pulled back again, "Well I've got a date with Potter, so I'm going to have to get dressed."
She relaxed at his change of tone and let go of him, "Yes, don't keep him waiting on my account."
They dressed and she left his room soon after while he gathered his broom and flying gear.
As Hermione turned the corner towards the stairs from the dungeons, she nearly ran into Marielle, the sixth year Gryffindor that had joined the Dueling Club after the Masquerade Ball, who was walking down the hall from the Slytherin common room as well.
"Good morning, Professor Granger," Marielle cleared her throat awkwardly.
"Good morning, Marielle," she purposefully avoided the girl's eye, they were both very clearly walking back from the Slytherin part of the castle early on a Sunday morning as to not be seen. In normal circumstances she'd have to chide her for clearly seeping out of her own dormitory, however that seemed highly hypocritical so she let it slide.
"How was your weekend?" Marielle asked politely.
"Very nice. Lots of grading. And yours?"
"It was relaxing. Fiona and I were able to go to Hogsmeade yesterday, so that was nice," the girl blushed a bit and Hermione quickly followed up on her comment to dispel the awkwardness.
"Did you try the new cafe?" She asked, "I heard it's all the buzz with the students these days."
They chatted casually about Hogsmeade and the new stores that had been opening up in the area until they reached Gryffindor Tower, where Marielle split off towards the portrait of the Fat Lady with a wave and Hermione continued towards the professors' hallway. It seemed as if Marielle wanted to act as if it were perfectly normal for them to run into each other there, so she was sure she wouldn't mention it to anyone else.
O-o-o-o-o-o-o
As Draco walked up from the dungeons to meet Harry at the Quidditch Pitch, he thought about their conversation that morning. He knew her intentions were good, but it was ingrained in him to feel like he did. He didn't like being a secret kept separate from the rest of her life, he was too proud for that, and he didn't like the creeping feeling he had that maybe she knew he wasn't good enough for her; that she could do better than a Death Eater. He cared for her more than he was comfortable acknowledging for the amount of time they had actually dated, but it had been building since the beginning of the year. Besides, he'd been honest when he said it was all or nothing with him. He either couldn't care less about someone or he felt incredibly possessive and protective over them; whether friend or significant other. It was a Slytherin trait.
He'd had girls in his life he'd 'dated' that he hadn't paid attention to outside of the basic requirements and needs he had — girls he'd dated at Hogwarts. He'd known then they didn't mean anything to him, but had needed the physical companionship as a means to pass the time. There had also been Pansy, who was a different case. They had dated because it just made sense and it wasn't that he didn't care for her because he did, very much. And he was incredibly protective over her, but they realized eventually that it was, and would always just be, a fierce friendship. He would watch out for her and protect her like family, like Blaise, but they lacked the connection for anything more than that.
And then there was Hermione. She was different than any girl he'd ever dated — ever met, really. She was special. She was unparalleled. She made him feel like a better person and made him want to live life again in a way that he hadn't since the end of his fifth year at Hogwarts. She felt like his reason to keep pushing forward and rebuild everything that he'd lost.
O-o-o-o-o-o-o