Chapter 18: A name
As Clay opens the apartment door and Kelsey walks in. Her mouth drops open as she looks around
"Jesus Christ Clay!" she turns looking at him frowning " What did you do? Did you buy the entire baby shop?"
"Um...no. No just the essentials. Well ..." he frowns as she holds up some toys "...yeah, and I guess a few extras. But I got a crib, car seat, diapers, clothes, ...bath, um... you know things we need."
"Wow!" She nods, smiling "Well, I think you thought of everything." She sighs "So, I guess this is us now! We have a baby."
She sighs loudly as she looks around at the overwhelming array of things he now has filling the apartment. " You know, actually, I need to get some things too, so perhaps you can run me to the shops later? Supposedly I can't drive for a couple of weeks, among other things I can't do for a while."
"Well I can but, I thought I got everything he needs, well for now"
"Yeah well, there are some things that I need too"
"Such as what ?"
"Clay!" She sighs " It's just some girl things. You know personal stuff" she can feel an awkward color blushing in her cheeks as she tries to explain, without going into too many details right now.
"Such as what girl things?" He laughs, using what sounds like a really dismissive tone "I told you I got everything. I mean Ray and Naima even helped me get the stuff. All the guys helped out. They were great!"
"Yeah but, that's things for him. I need..." Hmmm she sighs, frustrated with him for making such an issue out of her request "I just need you know ... pads, and things. I'm still bleeding and if that wasn't enough, then my boobs are leaking like crazy. So can you take me or not?"
"Oh! Oh ... yeah right. Yeah, sorry I didn't think. You know actually I think that's what Naima, what she might have sorted. All those sorts of things. She left a bag for you. I've put it in the bedroom for now. Sorry" he smiles at her, kissing her lips gently "Sorry, I didn't think"
"It's okay." she sighs. Pheww "God this is not easy, right? I guess it's all gonna take a bit of getting used to. I mean we weren't exactly prepared for this to happen, well not like this. Sorry, I just feel a bit lost, it's all a big muddle"
The baby, who's still wrapped up in his car seat, now starts to cry. Clay smiles at her "Guess he'll need feeding again?"
He un-clips the seat straps, lifting him gently out, taking his little jacket off. She smiles watching as Clay holds him tight to his chest. Then she laughs. All the clothes that they have are way too big, and his feet are halfway down the legs, not fitting where they should in the feet part of the babygro.
She strokes the back of his head with her finger, while Clay tries to comfort his crying. Clay smiles leaning across to kiss her. "We're gonna be fine. We'll soon get the hang of this."
He looks at the baby kissing his cheek "Shhh! Shhh! Hey you, yes Mommy's just coming " he hands him over to her "Guess that's your department."
"Okay" she sighs frowning. She still feels really tired, and this feeding is making her anxious "Yeah right, he needs feeding, again. You know perhaps, I mean, maybe we could think about formula? Get some bottles. Just in case this won't work out."
"Hey..." he puts his hand to her cheek "..c'mon, you're gonna be fine. You'll soon get the hang of it. You just need to give yourself some time. You know, not everyone can do it straight way, sometimes you just have to adjust techniques and things"
She smiles "You've been reading the internet again, haven't you?"
"Well...well yeah. Yeah, I admit, I did look up a couple of things," He smiles and kisses her lips again "Hey, come see the crib first, before you do that." He leads her by the hand as she carries baby holding him tucked into the crook of her neck "Ray said if I put it nearer the bed, on your side, it would be easier for you in the night"
"Yeah" She nods apprehensively. Looking at everything in it's place around the apartment, it all feels a little overwhelming "Yeah, I suppose. I mean I hadn't thought." The whole reality of this is now starting to dawn on her. She feels like she's in a numb shock "That's great, really great!" She smiles looking at the crying baby against her chest "Hey, come on little man stop crying. Look Daddy got you a bed." she sighs anxioulsy "Well, I guess I better feed him, then"
"Sure, let's go sit through here. I'll get us something to eat as well. You hungry?"
"Yeah, yeah I am actually"
She settles herself with the pillow supporting her, on the couch. Then taking a deep breath she undoes the clip on her bra. It's awkward because she doesn't have a nursing bra "Clay, just hold him, I need to take this off"
He really starts crying now and Clay tries to keep her him calm "Yeah I know, you're hungry. Mommy's coming" he watches as she slips he bra off unbuttoning the front of the shirt she's wearing.
"Okay." she tries latching him on. She smiles looking up awkwardly as Clay watches them
"See you're getting it. Just takes practice"
"Hmmm!" She smiles through, what is a sore pain. Her breast feels like a hot burning sensation with prickling when he sucks.
Then they both look up as there's a loud knock at the door. Clay looks at his watch "Oh that'll be the guys. I said they could come see him, when we got back"
"What?" she frowns trying to adjust her shirt as she lets out a long-exhausted sigh " Clay really? I can't believe you told them to come. Can't we just have some us time to ourselves first?"
"Oh, c'mon. They really helped me out this morning. Then they stayed, helped put all this stuff together, after. We wouldn't have anything if they hadn't helped me out. I thought you might want wanna say thanks to Trent for everything he did yesterday"
"Um... yeah, yeah sure." she tries to stand up "Well at least let me go in the bedroom, to feed him first. Before you let them in"
"No, no stay where you are. They'll be fine with it. Don't worry about that."
"Clay, please.." She makes an attempt to stand up, but it's too late, Clay's already opened the door and she now finds herself, shirt undone, faced with all the guys holding out packs of beer. Congratulating Clay, once again
"Hey!" Sonny smiles "How's my favorite new Bravo boy ... Oh um ...um I'm sorry." Sonny looks awkwardly away, finding himself staring directly at her breast. He feels as awkward as Kelsey does and they both mildly blush "I didn't mean to... I mean it wasn't my intention. I didn't realise you were feeding him"
"Look, it's okay, it's not your fault. If you don't mind, I'm gonna go to the bedroom. You carry on. We won't be long"
"Clay..."Ray sighs "You should have said she was feeding him. We could come back another day once its more convenient"
"Oh, it doesn't matter" he smiles "She'll get used to it. It's just all new right now. Besides I want you all to see him. And to say thanks for helping me out this morning"
Ray frowns and looks at the guys "Look maybe this..."He holds up the beers "..this is not a good idea, right now? I mean they only just got home. Perhaps give you both a chance to get settled into a routine for tonight. Get use to your new addition. I mean, Kelsey especially must still be in shock. Bad enough when the baby comes when you're expecting it, but out of the blue like that... it's pretty out there, man"
"I suppose" Clay frowns "I think she's alright, she hasn't said anything. C'mon look, I've got some cold ones in the fridge, and the game's on in a minute"
Jason and Ray look at each other and they exchange frowns "Okay, only if you're sure?"
Clay smiles "Yeah, course!"
"So Clayy, you thought of names yet?"
"No, no I ... I'm still thinking over a couple. I did consider, Ash, but, I guess not!" He laughs
"Hey, you told him yet. That you're a father now. I mean it's gonna come as a shock, right?"
"No, I haven't had a chance. We ... we had that planned to tell him today, I mean before everything happened. I guess I'm gonna have to now."
Sonny laughs "Oh you know, I would love to be a fly on that wall, when you tell Ash Spenser, he's a grandpa! I mean, Ash's ego, that's gonna hit the wall!"
"Oh yeah, Ash Spenser, a grandfather." Jason laughs "Gonna blow the street cred, he thinks he has with the ladies, outta the water."
Clay smiles "Yeah there is some bonus to it I suppose/"
"Hey but seriously Clay. He's gonna love him, okay. He's beautiful. You did good, he's gonna make a proper pipe hitter. Third generation, right?" Sonny raises his beer "To baby Spenser!"
o-o-o-o-o-o
Kelsey lets out a long deep sigh as the baby's finally, after some perseverance, has had enough milk to satisfy him into sleep.
She lays him down in the crib beside her watching him through the bars, how tiny he looks. This tiny human that didn't seem quite so tiny yesterday when she had to push him out of her body. She smiles watching as she lays herself back against the pillows. His tiny lips moving, eyes tight shut, and she finally relaxes
As she looks around she can see her brown purse, and another larger brown paper shopping bag beside it. It's the bag Naima left for her. She gets up to check it and finds it filled with sanitary products, breast pads, new knickers and ... some chocolate! She smiles.
"Thanks Naima!" She's gulping back the emotional, tearful lump in her throat. The fact a woman, a woman she doesn't even know, hasn't even met yet, has sorted her some things. It makes her unravel, she can't explain why, and she starts to cry.
Wiping the tears from her face, with her shaking hand. "Oh, c'mon Kelsey, get a grip. Pull it together!" she sniffs back the tears, sucking in air through her teeth as she tries to calm herself down.
She aches, in muscles she didn't realise she had, she's sore, she can't pee without a stinging sensation and her breasts hurt so much that she daren't even touch them. She wants to lay down and sleep for a month but every three hours she has endure the burning agony of feeding a baby. This is not how I imagined it would be!
She wipes her face again. She can now hear a buzzing sound. It's her phone ringing. She quickly tries to find it so as not to wake the baby. Sifting in the bottom of her brown leather bag. "Oh my god my phone!" She smiles wondering earlier where it had gone. Picturing it now, left on the table in the bar, before the events of yesterday's unfolded.
Looking at the caller ID she smiles.
"Alex hi!" She sighs with a relief about someone to talk to "Oh my god, am I glad to hear from you, right now!"
"Hey, you okay? Look Kelsey, I'm sorry, I know what Clay said about not calling you anymore, but I ...I just wanted to check you were okay. He said you had the baby yesterday. Is everything alright?"
"Um.. " She swallows barely able to speak for tears now "...yeah, yeah I'm good"
"Can you talk. I mean I'll go if it's not convenient. If you're doing something . You must be busy. Actually, I should imagine you wanna sleep. What time is it over there?"
"Um.. no, I'm good. It's late afternoon. Alex, it's so good to hear from you. Look, just hold on a minute"
She gets up and quietly closes the bedroom door shut "That's better. Now we can talk. What did you mean when you said Clay said not to call? When did you speak to Clay?"
"Oh um.. this morning. I tried to call you a few times and then he answered, look it doesn't matter. I think it was, just his way, you know, of warning me off.I guess it's all a bit daunting for him right now. Suddenly having being a father thrust on him. He must worry where he stands"
"Yeah but still, he had no right to say you shouldn't call me. I'm sorry. So you finished training for now?"
"Yeah, yeah I'm on two weeks leave before some more new recruits arrive. Anyway, enough of boring military stuff. So, you have quite a bit of gossip to catch me up on. Kelsey, what the hell made you fly out there?"
"Oh I don't know. I think I went mad!" she laughs "Seriously, I guess you were right when you said I should tell Clay about the baby. I just didn't expect it to turn out like this. You know having the baby here. It was a bit unexpected. "
"Yeah I can imagine. So, you both okay? The baby he's doing alright, yeah?"
"Yeah!" She snivels again, sniffing back her tears. "Alex, I should never have come. You're right it was stupid. I should have told him on the phone. What ever possessed me?"
"Hey, come on. Don't cry. You're just tired and then mix in some hormones. It's to be expected. You're away from home. Everything's gonna feel a little strange. You 'll get through it. Clay's been alright about it though, yeah? He's happy about the baby? He sounded like he was as he spoke to me. And he's helping you right?"
"Oh yeah. Yeah he's been great with the baby. Perfect. He's a great dad. I mean he's gonna be such a great dad. Oh God!" she bursts into tears again, sobbing openly while checking the baby and trying not to wake him .
"Hey! Hey, c'mon what's wrong ? Kelsey tell me." he sighs as he can't say anything to calm her down "Kelsey are you alright? Look, is Clay there?"
"Yeah he's here. I'm just in the bedroom. The baby needed feeding."
"You feeding him yourself? I thought you said you were doing bottles, not that it matters, I mean it's good if you are. So, how's that going"
"Yeah ...um... no, no it's not good! No actually it's not! I don't think I can do it. I mean he just... I don't know if its gonna work. I mean Clay ... Clay wants me to do it, but...but I can't get it right. I don't have any clothes, none of the things I bought, I mean... Oh god what is wrong with me I can't stop crying."
"Hey! Hey calm down. You're gonna be calm yourself down. This isn't going to help. You've spoken to Clay about this? About how you're feeling." she can hear in his voice he's frustrated. He feels helpless that he can't help her from where he is "Where is he, right now?"
"Oh, he's here, in the living ...his unit, are here. They came to see the baby. I'll have to go in a minute".
"So, what do you need?"
"What do you mean, what do I need?"
"Well you said you don't have any clothes, or your things. So what do you need? Text me a list. I still have your spare key. I'm on two weeks R and R now, so I'll pack up some things and I'll fly out to you"
"I don' t know. I mean.. oh, I'm just being stupid I just..." Pheww!
She tries to get her breath sucking air back quickly through her nose trying to stop the tears. Just hearing Alex's voice somehow unleash her sobs "It's just so chaotic, I mean I wasn't expecting this. It's not how I planned it. I can't even come back, to the UK, because I can't fly. At least not for a couple of weeks, and I have to sort the baby a passport. I don't even know where to start. I just don't have anything and..."
"Hey, c'mon take a breath. This is not you. You need to take it slow. One thing at a time. Sleep first. You just had a baby. I'm sure you're doing just great, but you need to sleep, rest take care of you"
"Yeah, yeah I guess so. It just, it all just seems too much"
"That's because you're tired. Just take breath, and text me a list of what you want, and I'll be out in a couple of days"
"No really, I can't ask you to do that. But thank you"
"You're not asking, I'm offering. Plus I wanna come see this baby. So, you not used the name you chose then? I mean you're not sticking with it."
"Um... I don't know yet , we err... well I.. I haven't talked about it with Clay, I mean it still fits. Well, that was the idea wasn't it, that it was a unisex name. But I haven't had the chance to talk with Clay about it yet. There's not really been any time"
"Sure, must have been a surprise. Coming early, then a boy! See, I told you the way he was kicking, you had a premier league player in there"
She smiles "Yeah you did. Look I'm gonna have to go!"
"Yeah I have some reports I need to finish up. But I'll get a flight booked. It's Friday here, so it'll prob be Sunday when I get there. Give me a couple days"
"Okay. And Alex, thanks for calling. You've been really great. You know this past couple months I ... " she sighs "Hey ... you wanna see him? On face time I mean" she turns the camera on and hovers it over the crib and the sleeping baby "Can you see him?"
"Oh my god! Kelsey, he's beautiful. A real tiny little bundle."
She looks up, hearing someone coming to the door, and it opening " Look I gotta go, he's crying . So, are you're gonna come for real?"
"Yup. Text me that list, and I'll see you for real in a couple of days. Keep your chin up okay. And talk to Clay, tell him how you're feeling. Okay I'm going now. See you Sunday"
"Yeah! See you Sunday!" Oh god! She wipes the tears, fighting them back, as she cuts off the call.
"Hey!" Clay smiles as he puts his head around the bedroom "You okay in here? How's he doing? He feeding okay?"
"Yeah. Yeah he's good. He's sleeping now"
"Look, I was just gonna take him out, for the guys to see him. I didn't know if you wanted to have shower, cos well, I thought that I'd ask Ash over later. You know so we can tell him"
"What today? Do we have to?"
"Well yeah, I mean we were gonna tell him today anyway. So, we may as well ask him over and get it done, right?"
"Yeah sure!" she sighs "Just don't make it too late. I'm kinda tired. Clay. look I .. I need to tell you some things"
Clay turns around, heading to the door, holding the baby against his chest. He's not really listening "Hey little man, we have to get you name now. Look, I'm just gonna take him see the guys. We'll talk later, I promise." he kisses her on the cheek.
"Yeah sure." She forces as smile, as Clay kisses her forehead
"Hey..." he turns back smiling at her "he's beautiful. You gave me a beautiful son. I can't tell you how happy I am right now. I feel, well..."
" I know!" As he leaves she lays down on the bed and closes her eyes.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o
"Hey Kelsey! Kelsey you awake?" Clay kisses her cheek, gently waking her up from her sleep.
Mmmm! "What? What is it? Is he okay?"
"Yeah, yeah. He's still sleeping. I just wanted to say, I asked the guys to go. And I um.. I put Ash off, until tomorrow. You were right we need the night to ourselves"
She smiles as she blinks her eyes open. Stretching herself out on the bed
"Thank you " she sighs "Come here." she wraps her arm around his neck, pulling him to the bed, gently stroking his cheek as they stare at each other.
Both sets of eyes tired from lack of sleep. Clay's lips gently touch hers, brushing against them and they start to kiss. His tongue is parting her lips finding hers and she closes her eyes to his touch.Mmmm! She smiles.
He gently runs his thumb over her lip "You wanna shower? Get cleaned up. Then I thought we might talk names?"
She smiles watching him. She takes a deep breath in. Her eyes work their way over his face, taking in all of the lines on it. "Casey!"
"What?" he frowns confused
"Casey! It's the... the name I'd picked. You know, like a combination of our names, plus it was.. it was unisex. You don't like it?" she feels a little deflated the look in his face as he frowns looking at he.
"Casey?" He hesitates looking at her then his face breaks into a big broad grin "Casey Spenser. I love it! I really love it, it's perfect" He kisses her. "Casey Spenser!" he repeats over and over.
"Oh my god you really like it? I mean I was worried I... " She drops her lips back against his. Her fingers caressing his hair. She looks watching the beaming smile cross his face
Mmmm! She groans sighing "You know I think I will have that shower." She looks down at the front of her shirt. Where she's been leaning against Clay, it's wet and he has some wet patches also on his tee shirt. "Sorry!"
"Hey, hey don't worry" He kisses her again, brushing her hair back from her face "It doesn't matter."
She closes her eyes, running her hand through her hair and sighs "Wow! This is so much harder than I thought it was gonna be "
"Hey... " he keeps dropping kisses on her lips "We're gonna do just fine! The three of us, we'll find a way through this. He's perfect and we'll work it out. "