Chapter 18: Goodbye

"You sure you're feelin' up to this now?" Daryl asked, eyeing Merle as they stood outside tossing the last of their provisions in the back of the pickup truck.

"Leg's fine. Carol says I ain't gonna lose my leg. Hurts like a son of a bitch, but I ain't gonna die. She even gave me some extra bandages and ointment to put on it. I like her." Daryl set his crossbow on top of their packs and threw a tarp over it in case of rain.

"Don't like leavin' her."

"You're the one wanted to go lookin' for Rick. You pussyin' in out now?"

"We stopped lookin' 'cause the trail was gone. We were goin' in circles. They were nobody left. Winter was comin', and then we found Lydia, and it made sense to stay put."

"Well, he didn't look for you, so don't let him make you feel bad for not lookin' for you," Merle said with a shrug. "Why don't you stay?"

"What?"

"Stay with your family. I'll go lookin' for 'em."

"You ain't in no condition to go out there by yourself. You get caught in a herd, you ain't gettin' out alive. Not with one hand and a bum leg."

"You don't give your big brother enough credit. Ain't I the one that sawed my own hand off?"

"Yeah, and ya nearly died 'til someone found your sorry ass. Ain't that what you said?" Merle snorted at that but said nothing. "And if you showed up alone? Rick might put a bullet in you."

"Who says he won't put one in you, baby brother?" Merle asked. "You ever think of that? You been away so long, you might as well be a goddamn stranger, another walker on the road to put down." Daryl shook his head.

"You don't know Rick."

"Yeah, but I know what a man will do to protect the people he loves." He put his hand on his thigh, over the spot Daryl had shot him with the crossbow. "You shot first, asked questions later. What the hell do you think he's gonna do?" Daryl said nothing then. He turned and looked at the house. "We both die? She's gonna spend the rest of her life wonderin' what happened to you. Now you go say a proper goodbye, and you tell her you're comin' back. Even if the last thing you say to her turns out to be a lie, at least she'll think you tried." Daryl turned to stare at his brother. He stared hard, and for a moment, he wanted to knock him across the jaw with his fist, but he didn't. He just looked back to the house. Because, Merle had a point. He might never see her again. Something could happen. Anything. They could get overrun by walkers. They could run into strangers. They could get into a wreck and bleed out on the side of the road.

He'd gone on runs before; left her for a day or two at a time, but the reality Merle was pounding into his head at that moment felt almost like a death sentence. He knew he was going to see her again, but there was always a chance something could go wrong. This wasn't like a supply run. This was going to a graveyard and hoping to find someone alive.

Daryl started up to the house, and when he stepped inside, Dog perked up from where he was laying on the floor in front of the cold fireplace. Lydia was sitting in her bouncy seat, and she started kicking her legs when she saw her daddy. He could hear Carol clattering around in the kitchen, so he took the opportunity to pick Lydia up from her seat and kiss her chubby cheeks.

"I'll bring you somethin' special home, alright? Maybe a new toy or a stuffed animal? Would ya like that, sweetheart?" Lydia giggled when Daryl kissed her cheeks again, and he held her close, gently rubbing her back as she snuggled into his chest.

"Da da dada," she cooed. It warmed his heart and broke it at the same time. Leaving felt worse this time. He was going out on this trip with Merle, leaving Carol and the baby behind, and while he knew they'd be safe in the house with what weapons they had and with Dog, the idea that something might keep him from getting back to them or might separate them for longer than he intended made his heart ache.

"Gonna miss you, Lydia," he murmured. "You and your mama." He kissed the top of her head. "Love you and your mama."

"We love you, too." He turned to see Carol standing in the archway that led into the kitchen. "You'll be safe?"

"Nine lives," he promised. Carol smiled at that, but there was a sadness in her eyes that he couldn't miss. He kissed Lydia's soft hair one more time before strapping her back into her bouncy seat. He stood then and crossed the room to his wife.

"You have everything you need?" she asked, as he pulled his arms around her.

"Almost," he murmured, leaning in to kiss her softly. "Hate leavin' you."

"I know. I hate you leaving, too, but if there's a chance our people are out there, I know…we have to try." She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him again. "Promise me you'll come back if the trail is cold."

"I'm comin' back home to you. No matter what. With or without Rick. I'm comin' home." He kissed her again. "This feels different. Leavin' like this." He leaned his forehead against hers. "You got plenty of food. Lydia, too. Make sure the doors are locked. You hear or see anything, you know where all the guns are."

"I can handle it," Carol promised. Daryl still looked worried. "I had a good teacher. If anything happens, I'm pretty sure I can take care of myself."

"Anything happens and you have to leave with Lydia?" Daryl started. "Go back to the beginning."

"The quarry?"

"Remember how to find it?"

"Yeah," Carol offered with a nod. "But we don't need to worry about that. Because nothing's going to happen. You're coming home."

"I'm comin' home." He kissed her again and held her tight. And when she pulled away, she gave his chest a gentle push.

"Now get outta here so you can get there and get back home."

"Yes, ma'am," he chuckled. She smiled, and they kissed once more. He took her hand in his and led her outside. Merle had pulled the truck up in front of the house, and Daryl shook his head.

"Hell no. Get out. I'm drivin'."

"Ain't driven' nothin' in so long, I almost forgot what it felt like."

"Exactly. I'm driving. Move over." Carol grinned at their banter, and Merle smirked.

"Don't think I didn't see my bike sittin' in that barn."

"Yeah, I know it's yours. But you were gone, and I wasn't leavin' it to the dead."

"Well, we get back from all this, I'm takin' her back."

"Yeah, I remember you don't share your toys," Daryl snorted.

"Boys," Carol chastised. Merle scooted over in the seat, and Carol stepped off the porch with Daryl. She leaned into the driver's window, and she looked at Merle.

"He might be your brother, but he's my husband."

"I'll make sure he comes back to you in…at least one piece."

"Asshole," Carol snorted, getting a grin out of Merle. "Be careful."

"Careful. That ain't no fun." Carol narrowed her eyes at him and shook her head. "We'll be careful, Mrs. Dixon."

"See, now that's what I like to hear," she laughed. She straightened up then and turned to face Daryl. "I'll miss you."

"Me too," he murmured, resting his hands on her waist. "A week. Two tops. Then I'm comin' home." He kissed her then, and he felt her tremble in his arms. He heard a ragged gasp escape her throat, and he knew she was trying not to cry. He swallowed back the lump in his throat, and he managed a small smile for her when he pulled away.

Without further words, he got into the truck and drove away, casting one last look into the rear view mirror to see her turning in the dust and walking back to the house.

Author's Note: Thanks for reading! As always, feedback is greatly appreciated!