A/N: Another chapter!
An Unlikely Angel
Chapter 16: A Wonderful Life
JOSEPH!
I hear my own cry echoing in the silence around me. I slowly open my eyes, relieved to see that we're once again outside Sarah's old apartment building. My relief is short-lived, however; Sarah is nowhere to be found.
You didn't leave her there, did you Joseph?
I frantically spin around, terrified that Harm caught her and hurt her. I'm about to call her name when I hear it…
A low, keening sound from somewhere behind me fills the night air and I whip around, still not seeing her. But then I look down, and what I see breaks my once frozen heart.
Sarah is huddled on the ground, her face buried in her arms. If she could feel the cold right now, she'd be halfway to hypothermia. The sound coming for her is more heartrending than any of her previous sobs as she trembles and rocks back and forth. "Sarah?" I call softly but she doesn't hear me.
I carefully touch her arm as I kneel down beside her, not wanting to startle her, but I do anyway. She jumps and frantically scoots away from me and it takes her a moment before she realizes it's just me.
"Oh, god, Loren…he was so…how could he…oh my god…" She starts to sob again, and it's almost a relief after what I heard before. I creep closer to her so that I can put my arms around her, and for a moment I just hold her tight and stroke her hair. Had circumstances been different with me and her…I would have done this same thing, giving comfort, sharing strength, and it strikes me then that Sarah MacKenzie really needs a mother. Not that sorry excuse that she met at her father's deathbed, but someone who would have been strong for her instead of the other way around.
Joe and Deanne MacKenzie were abysmal parents. Oh, I know Joe is sorry and has been forgiven by both God and Sarah, but that doesn't change the fact that he let her down here on Earth. Her mother is still out there somewhere, and after knowing Sarah's whole story, I think what Deanne did was worse. She abandoned her daughter, left her to fend for herself against a cruel world, and I can't think of anything more despicable. I know I would never have left Emma…
Emma…
Oh, sweet Jesus, and I don't mean that in the bad way, that little girl…she was my daughter.
My daughter…
Oh, baby…please forgive me…
I can't dwell on this discovery now, though. Sarah has stopped sobbing and is quiet save for her shuddering breaths, and please, dear God, please let her believe life is worth living…
"Loren…why did he do it? He had to know what would happen."
"I don't know, Sarah." Honestly, I never thought the Boy Scout would do anything like that either, but I suppose in the heat of passion…
"If I had just been there…"
"Yes."
"I would have stopped him…"
"Yes."
"Bud would still be in the navy. He'd be a lawyer."
"Yes, Sarah." Joseph, I think we're about to have a breakthrough here!
"And Uncle Matt…he'd…he'd…he'd still be alive. Because H-Harm…and I…" Sarah looks down at her hands for a moment, then lifts her head again to look me in the eye. "I did all a that?"
I smile at her. "Yes, you did. You see, Sarah, you've really had a wonderful life. Don't you see what a mistake it would be to just throw it away?"
She doesn't say anything right away and the silence is deafening. She just stares at me, but I sense it isn't really me I'm seeing. I have to fight the urge to speak; she needs to come to her conclusions on her own. I bite my lip to keep myself quiet, and it's killing me. Come on, Sarah!
Several long moments pass and I'm about to give up when something changes in her face. Her tears flow again, but this time it's like the sun has come out just to brighten her expression.
"Loren, I—I want to live again. Please. Let me have my life back?"
I thought you'd never ask. "Of course, Sarah. Joseph? Did you hear that? She wants to live!" I can't help it—I'm actually laughing with joy now as I pull Sarah off the ground and hug her. I can feel the subtle shift as we return to Sarah's world, and when I let go of her, she looks down with a gasp.
Her oak leaves and ribbons are back where they belong, and I can tell she's feeling the cold again. It doesn't seem to bother her overmuch; she's too excited. And about the strangest things…
"Look, Loren, my hand! It's bleeding! My hand's bleeding, Loren!"
Sure enough, it is, and I think we'd best get her back up to her apartment before she freezes and so we can fix it. She must have the same idea, because the next thing I know, she's grabbed my hand and is pulling me toward her building.
"Come on, Loren! Let's get inside. It's freezing out here, and I want to see it again—my apartment. My apartment. It's mine again!" She's practically running now, and I chase after her, pausing as she inputs the security code. The lock clicks open, and we're on our way again. She bypasses the elevator and practically flies up the stairs. We rush down the hall and she pushes open her door. She steps inside and for a moment she just stands in the doorway, a look of awe on her face.
Everything is as she left it, from her tree to the color of her walls to the pictures that hang there. "It's mine again," she whispers. "It's mine again!" This time she shouts, laughing at herself as she walks through her apartment, taking it all in. Her good humor fades, however, when she sees what's still in the kitchen.
"I was so close, Loren…I was going to do it."
"I know, Sarah."
"I'm so glad…I'm so glad you came around, Loren." She turns and pulls me into a fierce embrace.
"Me too, Sarah, me too." She pulls back after a minute, looking me hard in the eye.
"Loren?" she says, and she sounds tentative.
"Yes, Sarah?"
"I'm sorry…for what happened to you. You and your little girl."
The mention of my daughter brings a tear to my eye, but I smile anyway. "Emma. Her name was Emma."
"Emma," she repeats. "That's lovely, Loren."
"Thank you, Sarah." I have more I want to say to her, but I sense my time here is growing short. "I have to go, Sarah, but I really wish I had taken time to get to know you when I was alive. I wish a lot of things were different…that I had been different…I think we could have been friends…"
She grins. "I think so too, Loren." Her arms go around me again, but I know I'm already fading away from her.
"Goodbye, Sa—Colonel MacKenzie."
"Call me Sarah." Her voice comes from a great distance, but I know she hears me when I speak again.
"Goodbye, Sarah. And welcome back to your wonderful life."
And like that, I'm gone.
Mac stood in her kitchen, wiping away the tears that continued to fall. They were more happy than sad, and for a moment she just let herself think about everything she'd seen and everything that was again because she lived. Loren, an angel. Bud and Harriet, married with two beautiful children. Her uncle, though in prison, alive and well and possibly free in the next few years. And Harm…
Free. Happy. For all intents and purposes, a parent. None of that would have been possible if she hadn't been there for him. Perhaps their friendship would never be what it once was, and maybe he wouldn't love her as she loved him, and maybe much of that was her fault, but he was here where he belonged, able to help who knows how many more souls.
And she was here too…It was true…one life touches so many others. When it's not there, it leaves an awfully big hole…and thanks to some divine intervention, she wouldn't be leaving that kind of hole.
Sarah went about cleaning up her mess in the kitchen, sweeping up the glass and wiping up the vodka. The rest of the vodka went down the sink and the bottle immediately went down the garbage shoot. The pills were flushed, and Sarah, exhausted but at last at peace, readied herself for bed. She knew she still had quite a road ahead of her; there was so much about Paraguay and her past that she hadn't really dealt with. She made a promise to herself that she would start counseling as soon as possible. Now, she knew her life was worth fighting for.
As she slipped between her sheets and closed her eyes, her thoughts touched once again on those she knew she'd helped. Bud, and by extension, Mikey and Harriet. Her godsons existed in part because she did. Harm…he had Mattie and his career because she'd once stopped him from committing a terrible crime. Yes, the person he would have killed was despicable, but in the end, his death wouldn't have brought Diane Schonke back. It only would have destroyed Harm.
Mac drifted off and a few minutes later, she smiled in her sleep. Her guardian angel had sent her a final gift…
Days earlier and halfway across the country, Matthew O'Hara stood in the prison woodshop, carving his niece's name into an exquisite jewelry box. Matthew knew it wouldn't make it to her before Christmas, but he'd tried, and as he put the final touches on what he'd lovingly made for her, he smiled, pleased with his work. His beautiful niece deserved so much more than just this small jewelry box, but it had been made with love and he hoped she'd be able to feel his love for her as she ran her hand over the smooth wood. He picked up the box and pressed a kiss to it.
"I love you, baby girl."
Little AJ Roberts knelt by his bed, his parents on either side of him as he said his prayers. The little boy thanked God for baby Jesus, for his baby brother, even if he was annoying sometimes, his Uncle Harm who was going to take him up in his plane someday, his mommy and daddy and Grandpa Bud and his Grandpa and Grandma Simms. He said a special prayer for his Auntie Mac. She'd been sad lately and he wanted to know how much he loved her, and both his parents smiled at their kind and loving little boy. "We love Auntie Mac too, AJ," they told him, "very, very much."
Harmon Rabb, Jr stretched out on his couch, holding a picture of him and Mac with their godson. He ran a fingertip over her beautiful face, wondering at how, after the way he'd treated her, she'd still come through for him at Mattie's hearing and with Mattie's father. It killed him to know she was with Webb, but no matter what, he still loved her. He wanted her to be happy above all else, and if it was with the spook, so be it. It was time he let go of the anger and hurt from the past year, and he wished he was brave enough to let her know that. He touched her picture again, startled when he heard Mattie's voice by his ear.
"She's pretty, isn't she?"
Harm looked over at his new "daughter" and smiled sadly. "Yes, she is. She's beautiful."
Mattie frowned at him. "If you love her, why don't you tell her?"
Harm's eyes widened. Where did that come from?
"Come on, Harm. I saw it. I saw how you looked at her in court, at the church, and at the Wall."
Harm was amazed. He thought he'd hidden it so well…
"It was obvious, Harm." So much for hiding it.
"She's with someone else." He felt a stab of pain go through his heart.
"So, tell her anyway." Harm raised an eyebrow at his young charge. "She isn't married yet, is she?"
"No, she isn't."
"Then tell her you love her."
Mattie made it sound so easy, but then maybe it was…maybe all he needed to do was walk up to her and say it.
I love you, Mac.
Loren smiled to herself as she watched Sarah from above. It was time she knew she was loved, and even though Sarah would believe she'd just been having a beautiful dream, Loren took pleasure in showing her what was really going on with those she'd loved and saved. Sarah needed to know that love was returned. Loren drew back from the edge of heaven, sending one last thought to the sleeping woman.
Merry Christmas, Sarah
End Chapter 16
A/N 2: Just one or two more to go! And a public service announcement: don't flush pills. Take them to a pharmacy or the like to be destroyed. But flushing was the easiest way for Sarah to rid herself of hers…