** TRIGGER WARNING **

=== Chapter contains scenes of physical, emotional & spiritual child abuse.

=== Antagonistic character uses homophobic language.

=== So please feel free to skip this one, if these aren't things you feel up to reading about. *Hugs all*

AUTHOR'S NOTES :

** Modification date in the format (Year-Month-Day)

Modified (2019-12-17)

Chapter Eighteen – Scarred For Love

Nicky wakes up to the sound of sobbing & rushes to Rod's side. However, sadly, Rod's desperate need to avoid Nicky causes one of his deepest darkest secrets to be exposed.

18 - SCARRED FOR LOVE

Rod woke up suddenly from his horrific nightmare, only to feel his mental anguish multiply exponentially. Because as soon as he stirred from his sleep, he immediately remembered the heartbreaking reality of his situation. It felt like someone had stabbed him through the chest with a poisoned tipped rusty dagger. And the toxic shards in his heart seemed to become ever more venomous with each passing second! 'Please no! I don't want to love Nicky anymore! It hurts too much!' Rod wailed internally, as tears streamed down his face. Unfortunately, the sobbing fit he had experienced during the torturous dream seemed to have intensified too.

And Rod was worried that if he kept crying this loudly he might accidentally wake Nicky up! So he quickly scrambled out of bed and dashed into the bathroom, where he collapsed onto the floor. He buried his head in his arms, as he felt his usually rigid composure melt into a muddle of jumbled emotions once more. 'What on Earth is wrong with me?! Maybe I'm going to end up in Hell after all! A hell of my own making!' Whimpering under the weight of the soul-crushing agony generated by his heartache, he promptly curled up into a despairing quivering mess.

'Why do I have to love you so much Nicky? Why can't I just love you like a friend, the same way that you love me? God, why do I have to be such a broken sinful person?!' Rod thought, as he sniffed back his tears and grabbed for some toilet paper to blow his nose. His head throbbed from the overwhelming troublesome turmoil thrashing about in his brain.

Rod shivered. He felt so cold. So very cold. He wailed out impulsively, as the icy pain continued to mount in his mind, "I'm so sorry Nicky! God, I'm such a terrible friend! I'm so sorry that I love you in a way that I shouldn't!" He quickly covered his mouth with his hands to stop anymore shameful secrets escaping from his trembling lips.

'Nicky I'm sure you'd hate me if you discovered my dark desires. So I lie to you and hide my true feelings. But I can't lie to myself. Because the truth is I love you so much, in oh so many sinful ways. I love you so much that I can't live without you! You're my best friend and my only real family. And with you by my side I feel so much less alone, less afraid, and less ashamed. And yet, when you live here, the truth breaks my heart every single day! Because I know you're straight, and you can't help that. But it kills me inside! So you see, either way, in or out, with or without you, I can't win!' Rod scrunched his eyes shut to try and escape the pain, but it didn't help. Because images of Nicky with girls and women flooded into his mind.

Rod hugged his legs close to his chest and bunched his poor shaking body into a fetal position. 'I just don't know what to do Nicky. I know I should let you go. I know I should set you free from this prison and send you off to Australia to live with your family. But I just can't! I can't live without you! You're my whole world! My whole reason for being! My everything!' He resumed his somewhat hysterical sobbing session.

Nicky slowly stirred from his sleep as the sound of sobbing intensified. "Huh?" He mumbled, as he rubbed his eyes. He looked across the dark room, but he couldn't see any sign of his roommate. "Rod? Buddy? Rod, where are you?" He called out with increasing desperation, as he quickly stumbled to his feet and headed in the direction of the sobbing sound.

'God, I hope Rod's not cryin' cuz of the cushion Ricky punched apart or that cookie jar I smashed.' Nicky gulped, before he asked somewhat hesitantly, "Rod buddy? What's wrong?" However, as Nicky approached the source of the despair, his guilty anxiety quickly morphed into a purely selfless deep concern for his best friend's well being. "Rod, buddy, please come out and talk to me. I'm here for you buddy!"

The heartbreaking sound of sobbing was coming from the bathroom. Nicky knocked on the door, "Rod, please buddy, what's wrong? Why you cryin' so much?" But when he didn't get an answer, he added, "That's it, I'm coming in!" And he didn't think twice, he just grabbed the handle and burst into the room.

Rod suddenly realized that in his emotional state he had forgotten to lock the door, and cried out, "Nicky please! Don't come in!" However, it was too late. Because Nicky stood in the doorway and stared down at his shameful sobbing body. Panicking at the sight of his roommate, Rod leapt up from the floor, clambered into the bathtub and pulled the shower curtain across to hide his tear stricken face. "Nicky, please leave! I'm… I'm having a shower! Do you mind?!" He spluttered unconvincingly between the sobs.

"Rod buddy, why are you hiding from me?" Nicky asked, as he slowly edged towards the tub. "You don't have to hide Rod. Please, let me help you buddy. Come out and talk to me! Tell me what's wrong. Let me hold you close 'til you feel better."

Rod shrieked, "Nicky no! Please leave me alone! I'm having a shower!" He insisted, as he rashly turned on the water even though he was still wearing his pajamas.

However, Nicky didn't leave Rod alone. Instead, he only looked ever more alarmed, as he rushed over to pull the curtain back and turn the shower off. Before he scooped up Rod to rescue him from the freezing water that had spurted out over his already disturbingly cold body.

"Nicky!" Rod continued to protest, as his worried roommate grabbed a large fluffy towel and immediately wrapped it around him.

"Rod, what are you doing?! It's the middle of the night! Jeez, you're really scaring me buddy!"

Rod was shivering like crazy. He had managed to sniff back the worst of his tears, but a few random ones tumbled down his blue cheeks. "I… I… I told you Nicky! I'm… Um… Um… Having a shower!" His teeth began to chatter, as his shivering intensified.

Nicky hugged his arms around his friend, but quickly realized it was going to take more than that to warm Rod up. "Come on buddy! We need to take this wet pajama top off! We need to get you warm!"

Rod pushed Nicky away as hard as he could, but his arms felt incredibly weak for some reason. "No! Please! Stay away! I can't do that! I can never take my shirt off in front of you! I told you!"

"Come on buddy! I won't look, I promise!" Nicky grabbed Rod back into his bear hug, as he did his best to warm him up with the towel over his wet pajama top.

Rod stuttered, "Um, Nicky… You… You… You really promise you won't look? You swear?!"

"Sure. I promise! I swear I won't look! You can trust me buddy." Nicky stared deeply into Rod's sad hazel eyes, his gaze thick with concern. He knew his overly anxious friend was a very private person, who always got extremely nervous whenever there was a chance someone might see him shirtless. Even at school, he had always managed to get notes from his parents to get him out of swim class, and any sport where he couldn't wear a long sleeve top.

"Um, okay. Turn around then!" Rod ordered, as he began slowly unbuttoning his pajama shirt. He gulped hard. He felt so weak. So very weak. He had barely eaten anything in the past 18 hours. "I… I… I… Um… I… Can't… Nicky…" He mumbled, as he tumbled backwards.

Nicky immediately broke his promise, as he moved at lightning speed to catch Rod in his arms. "Rod! What's wrong buddy?!" He asked, as his concern intensified. "Please, talk to me buddy!"

Rod's vision faded, and all he could manage was a few disjointed words, "Um… Need… Food… Energy… Gone…" He collapsed against Nicky's stomach.

Nicky cried out, "Rod?!" But getting no response, he quickly acted instinctively and gently lowered his friend onto the soft rug on the floor. Before he removed Rod's soaking wet pajama shirt, so that he could dry him properly with the towel. His eyes widened in horror, as he spotted the long scars on his friend's back, and the smaller scars and burn marks speckled across his arms and chest. 'God Rod, what on Earth happened to you buddy?!' He gulped hard, as he continued to wrap the towel as snuggly around his friend as possible.

Rod slowly woke up from his momentary daze, "Nicky? What? What happened?" He murmured, before adding in a sharp alarmed tone, "You… You didn't see?!"

Nicky continued to hug him close, "It's okay Rod buddy! I got you!" He lifted up Rod's incredibly light body and carried him back to his bed. "Don't worry, I'll, um… I'll get you a sandwich or somethin' buddy. You need to eat! You've not been eatin' properly again. Have you?" He sighed heavily, as for once, he took on the mothering role in the friendship.

Rod looked terrified. He never ever wanted Nicky to see him like this. Especially without his shirt on. Because now his deepest darkest scars had been revealed. He stuttered, "It's… It's… Um… It's not what you think Nicky!"

Nicky looked incredibly sad, as he carefully lowered Rod onto his duvet and turned on the light. Indeed, Rod had never seen his friend look so sad in his life! And seeing Nicky so miserable scared Rod even more than his best friend accidentally catching a glimpse of his scars!

Rod quickly scrambled under his duvet, pulling his covers as tightly around himself as he could. "It was, um… Just an accident… That's all. Just an accident I had when I was a kid." He didn't know if Nicky was buying the explanation, but he kept going with the story, "Um, see I was at the park once and I, um… Well, I hurt my back when I fell from the climbing structure… Um, onto this, um, other kid holding a candle…"

Nicky cut in, "Please Rod, you don't have to lie anymore buddy. I know it was them, wasn't it? It was Rufus and those other bullies, right? Or someone in your family?" His brows furrowed slightly, as his protective anger seethed just below the surface.

Rod gulped hard, and nodded slightly, still not wanting to acknowledge the shame in words. "I'm so sorry Nicky. Part of me wanted to tell you. I just, I couldn't! I never wanted you to find out! I never wanted you to worry about me!" He stared down at the covers, avoiding Nicky's shocked gaze.

Nicky kneeled down next to his roommate's bed, "Rod, I'm always worried 'bout you buddy." He reached out to stroke his friend's cheek. "I don't know how anyone could do that to you!" He sniffed.

Another tear trickled down Rod's cheek too, "I'm sorry."

Nicky frowned, "Don't apologize Rod! What you apologizin' for buddy! It's not your fault someone did that to you!"

Rod sniffed, he knew now that it wasn't his fault, after his many therapy sessions with Christmas Eve. However, he couldn't help still feel partially to blame. "I know, I, um… I just… I couldn't stop them! I tried to follow their rules all the time, honestly I did. I tried to always do as they said. I really did. Truly I did. You know I did, right?" He started to cry again.

Nicky put his arm around his friend, "Jeez Rod, don't be silly. It's not your fault at all buddy! They were horrible people if they were able to do such horrific things to you. You didn't deserve any of it! You know that, right?"

Rod gulped back his sadness and slowly nodded again, "I just… Um, I always messed up somehow."

Nicky grabbed his friend by the shoulders and gazed seriously into his eyes, "No! No you didn't Rod! It's not your fault! You hear me?! It was never your fault! No matter what you did, you didn't deserve to be treated like that! Jeez, they should be in prison whoever did that to you buddy! It was Rufus and those spineless jock assholes, right? Or was it…?" He asked again somewhat hesitantly, as his protective rage pulsated through his veins.

Rod burst into yet another flood of tears, "They hate me, you know. My parents. I… I, um, made a mistake the other day. I told my mother… Um, that I was gay on the phone. I know it was stupid. I know she will never understand. But Christmas Eve suggested maybe it would be better if I told her. And well, I tried to explain it best I could, how I've been feeling all these years. Honestly, I really tried! But she refused to listen. She, um, told me I was going to burn in hell… And that she never wants anything more to do with me!" He was sobbing really hard now, as all the pent-up emotions drained from his exhausted body.

Nicky hugged Rod tighter still, "God Rod, they don't deserve a sweet kind caring guy like you for a son buddy! Jeez, I can't believe you've been dealin' with this by yourself! All this time buddy! For all these years! Why didn't you talk to me?!"

"I just, um… I didn't know how." Rod sobbed onto Nicky's shoulder.

Nicky sighed deeply, "Well, you don't need to worry anymore buddy. Everythin' is gonna be okay now. Cuz I'm gonna look after you and get you somethin' to eat and all."

"Nicky you don't have to…" Rod mumbled.

"I insist. You're always treatin' me to awesome sandwiches buddy. So now it's my turn to treat you!" Nicky leaned over to kiss his shivering terrified friend on the forehead. "You'll be okay, yeah? I'll be back soon. I just really think you need to eat buddy."

Rod nodded, before his eyes widened in horror, as he suddenly remembered Ricky was still asleep out there, "Wait, won't you wake Ricky?!"

Nicky smiled at him, "Nah, he's gone home Rod. He left earlier after you fell asleep. Now stay here and try not to worry buddy. Let me look after you for once."

Rod still couldn't find the words to answer, so he nodded again, as he snuggled up in the towel and duvet.

- NICKY RETURNS WITH A SNACK FOR ROD -

Nicky wasn't gone long, and he soon returned with a very tasty looking cheese sandwich. Rod smiled, as his adorable nursemaid approached with the plate. And he slowly sat himself up in the bed.

"Here you go buddy!" Nicky smiled, "Your midnight feast is served!" He carefully sat the plate down on Rod's duvet covered lap. His friend still had the towel around his shoulders.

However, Rod felt very exposed without his long sleeve pajama shirt on, so he gestured to his drawers, "Please Nicky, could you get me another…" He gulped, unsure of what his roommate's response would be.

Nicky nodded, as he grabbed another pajama top from the drawer and passed it over to his friend.

Rod smiled appreciatively, "Thank you." Before his worried expression quickly returned.

Nicky took the hint and turned around, "Why didn't you tell me Rod?" He sighed heavily.

Rod sniffed, "I… Um… I don't know Nicky. I just didn't want to worry you! They're my scars to bare."

Nicky could feel his eyes tear up again. "Rod, you know I would have helped you. Right buddy?"

Rod sighed, "Yes, I… I know." He gulped again, "But, you had so much else…"

Nicky cut in heatedly, "No! None of that was ever as important as you! Nothin' was ever as important as you buddy! You know that, right Rod?!"

Rod cowered slightly, at the sound of Nicky's uncharacteristically raised voice, "Um, yes. I know. I just didn't want to bother you… You had all those girlfriends and…"

Nicky cut in again and turned around this time, "Rod, they never meant anythin' buddy! But you… You mean everythin' to me! You hear me! Everythin'!" He rushed over to his friend's side, as Rod buttoned up the pajama shirt over his scars.

Nicky grabbed Rod's hand and smooshed it between his own somewhat sticky mitts, "You know, I'll always be here for you. Right Rod?"

Rod smiled at him, "Yes. I know." He lightly squeezed Nicky's soft warm hand beneath his icy cold palm. 'Gosh, even these innocent hand touches are giving me goosebumps and heart fluttering bursts of passion! God, what the hell am I doing?! I mean, really?! If Nicky's hand so much as brushes past my own it seems like sparks fly and I'm left in a state of euphoric bliss! I wonder what this friendship would be like if I was just a normal straight guy? Surely if I was normal, these delicious heavenly explosions of zest between us would never sparkle? I wonder how dull our friendship might be without those sensations? Shit! I'm never going to be able to quell this Nicky lust, no matter how much I try, am I?'

Rod sighed wistfully. He lightly stroked Nicky sticky hand for a moment, before slowly pulling his own hand free, "Now, do you mind if I eat this delicious looking sandwich, I'm starving hungry!"

Nicky chuckled, "Nah, go ahead! Gobble it down buddy! Before I start gettin' the munchies too!"

Rod began nibbling at the sandwich somewhat daintily.

Nicky rolled his eyes, "Seriously Rod?! You need to practice your gobblin' buddy! Jeez, I'll have to give you a demo sometime!"

Rod giggled, as he took a slightly bigger bite. "Better?" He mumbled, as he chewed up the bread and cheese.

Nicky nodded, "Yeah, much." He smiled, before his face gradually dropped again, "Why were you cryin' Rod?"

Rod gulped down the mouthful of sandwich, as the terror quickly returned to his eyes, "Um, I, um… Just had a bad dream. A very bad dream." He sighed deeply and shivered slightly, as the memory echoed around his mind.

Nicky grabbed Rod's free hand again and gave it another squeeze. "Gee, that sucks Rod! I'm sorry I wasn't there for you buddy. But you could have woke me you know. Jeez, I know I zonk out like Sleeping Beauty and all! But just lay a smooch on me buddy and I'll be all yours! I swear!" Nicky beamed at his friend.

Rod blushed profusely, "Nicky! Don't be silly!" He giggled again, before throwing in a joke to try and put Nicky off the scent of his blushing love, "Besides, kissing you would be more like kissing a sleeping frog, right?" He teased, as he continued to chuckle.

Nicky chuckled too, "I could still be a frog that turns into a prince though. Jeez, I'd turn into a prince for you if I could buddy."

Rod raised his eyebrow at Nicky slightly, before he concluded it was just another joke, and blushed and giggled some more.

Nicky grinned wildly, "Gosh. I miss times like this buddy. I miss these moments so much you know. Jeez, I miss you so much." He stared deeply into Rod's hazel eyes again.

Rod gulped, as Nicky's eyes penetrated his soul and his lips seemed to get ever closer to his own. He flinched backwards, "Please Nicky! I need to eat my sandwich!" He took another bite, but his heart continued to fall into the deep loving pools in his best friend's eyes.

Nicky smiled, "Jeez Rod, you're so cute when you're gigglin' and blushin' and all."

Rod swallowed another mouthful of sandwich, "Nicky, why do you always do this to me?"

Nicky looked very perplexed by the question, "Do what Rod?"

Rod sighed, "Nothing. I'm sorry I woke you up. I, um, know we both need our sleep. I just, um… I couldn't stop crying. It was just such a horrible nightmare. I thought if I went into the bathroom, you wouldn't hear me. But I guess I was crying too loudly. I truly am very sorry Nicky."

Nicky shook his head, before he leaned over to kiss Rod on the forehead again. "Don't be silly Rod. I'm glad you woke me. Jeez, I hate when you're cryin' buddy. But I especially hate when you're cryin' all on your own! I want to be by your side to look after you. You know that, right?"

Rod shot Nicky a very quizzical expression, at times like this he really wished he could read Nicky's mind. But of course, he couldn't. He sighed again, "Yes, I suppose. But whyNicky?"

A very puzzled look spread across Nicky's face again too for an instant, "Gee Rod, I donno buddy. I just do is all. I love you so much you know. So so much."

Still feeling a little dizzy, Rod decided he better maintain his focus on the sandwich. However, Nicky's words, as usual, were stirring up some very strange feelings within his weary body. He sighed for the umpteenth time that day, as he took another nibble of cheese.

Still feeling somewhat drunk, Nicky felt compelled to tentatively ask his friend an extremely personal question, "Um, gee Rod, um, don't feel you have to answer buddy. If it's too painful. But jeez, I just wondered is all, um…"

Rod looked like a deer caught in headlights, as he stuttered, "Wonder… Wondered, um, wondered what Nicky?" He stared at his friend intensely, scared of what he might say next. Had he figured out Rod's other dark secret? Was he going to ask him his most feared question? And what was his response going to be if he did?!

Nicky's brow furrowed in concern again, as his drunken curious mind blurted out a rather ill-conceived, frankly triggering question, albeit a question that had been plaguing his worried mind. "Um, well, you know when we were kids, in the fourth grade… And you, um, had a very sore back? Cuz you said you slipped, um, down some stairs, but not to tell my Mom? Was that cuz…?" Nicky trailed off, immediately wishing that he had never started the sentence, because he had no idea how to finish it.

For an instant Rod relaxed a little upon hearing the inquiry, relieved that Nicky hadn't figured out his most shameful secret, at least, not yet! However, as he thought back to that day, it dragged up some very painful memories. Memories that had haunted him his entire life! Rod winced and scrunched his eyes shut a moment, as he remembered the horrific sensations he had experienced that day.

- FLASHBACK (ROD IS SCARRED FOR LIFE) -

Rod added a couple of extra hearts to complete his picture. A broad smile spread across his face, and he swooned, as he gazed upon his finished masterpiece. Doodle Nicky looked so adorable by doodle Rod's side. He sighed wistfully, 'If only I could tell him how my heart tingles each and every day we meet in the school playground! Still, I think he'll like my drawing. True, it's not quite the same as his picture of us! What with all the extra robots, aliens and spaceship battles he drew in the background. But my sketch is cute in a way too, I think? Isn't it?' He thought, as he anxiously bit his lip.

Rod rested his head on his hand a moment, as he looked over his artwork with a critical eye. He was a perfectionist at the best of times! But when it came to presenting his new best friend with a personalized portrait of the two of them, he needed to make sure it was extra perfect and extra special! He quickly squiggled a couple of additional hearts between the two friends for good luck.

Rod smiled, as he looked over at Nicky's chaotic patchwork of scribbles beside him, and sighed happily. He had been so surprised when Nicky had handed that picture to him after class yesterday. Totally shocked in fact! So much so that he had practically been left speechless! Nicky was so kind, thoughtful and caring, it honestly made his stomach flutter just to think about it!

True, Rod had been left a little perplexed by Nicky's animated, somewhat over enthusiastic explanation of the scene. But he still adored the thought Nicky had clearly poured into the surprise gift! Rod felt his heart beat a little faster, as he remembered the energetic bouncy commentary, that had accompanied the picture.

"Rod buddy! I've got a surprise for you! Close your eyes! Dun, dun, dun! Yay! Okay, you can look buddy! See! It's a picture of the two of us in outer space together! This is me, this green blob in a spacesuit, next to this friendly robot. And this is you, this cute blue alien friend I've just bumped into on this cool candy planet! Look, I even added some extra glitter to your outfit to bring out the sparkle in your eyes! I made it special, just for you buddy! Jeez, I know it looks a bit messy and all. Cuz my hand sorta slipped here and I kinda spilt some chocolate milk in this corner bit. So yeah, sorry 'bout that! But gee, I had a lotta fun making it and all! And now you can take it home with you, so you can always remember that we're best buddies no matter where you are! Isn't it awesome Rod?! Look, I even drew our hands together so we're doin' that high five I taught you when we first met! 'Member? In the corridor before class? Anywho, hope you like it buddy! I gotta go! But jeez, we'll have to have a sleepover party sometime at mine! Then maybe we can doodle more Rod and Nicky space adventures together! My Mom says we can have all the sleepovers we want as long as it's cool with your parents too!"

Rod knew his mother would likely never let him go to a sleepover party. However, he couldn't wait to see Nicky at school so that he could return his new friend's kind gesture with a carefully crafted Rod and Nicky scene of his own! He was just about to carefully fold up the paper to put in his backpack when he was startled by his mother shouting up the stairs.

"Roderick Isaiah Periwinkle! What in God's name are you doing up there?! It's time to leave for school! You don't want to be late do you?! It's rude to be late!"

Rod twisted around nervously in his chair to look at the clock. It was still only 7.30am, but Rod's mother insisted that he spend an extra hour in the library before class each morning to get a head start on the topic of the day. "Sorry mother! I'm getting ready! I promise!" Rod shouted out, in hopes that it would reassure her that he was indeed prepared for the long day ahead. However, unfortunately, it didn't stop her from angrily bursting into his bedroom.

Rod gasped, as he quickly folded over his painstakingly illustrated Rod and Nicky friendship scene and slid it into his school bag.

"What are you doing Roderick?! What was that you just put into your bag? I don't remember checking that piece of homework! Come on! You know the rules! Pass it to me this instant! I need to check over every piece of work you submit if you're going to maintain your perfect record and continue getting top grades! And there better not be any mistakes this time! I swear, if you get a single apostrophe in the wrong place after I spent two hours explaining the concept to you, you'll be sleeping in that cupboard all week!"

Rod gulped. He stuttered, "Um, it's not homework mother. I promise! It's just, um, a drawing I did for my friend."

His mother scowled at him, "Please don't tell me you've been wasting your time on nonsense like that again! God, what is wrong with kids today?! Real friends understand the importance of hard work!" She rolled her eyes, "I told you not to waste your time on such pointless endeavors! Well, you're not taking it to school with you! Whatever it is! Come on! Let me see what ridiculous thing you've scribbled this time!"

Rod could feel his whole body tremble as his mother's shrill yells continued to blast against his eardrums. "Um, please mother. I… I… I need to take it to school. It's just a doodle for my friend, that's all."

She stormed over to where Rod was trembling, "Don't you ever talk back to me like that! Do you hear me?!" She slapped him in the face pretty hard. "Now let me see!" She snatched the bag from his hands, pulled out the folded picture and opened it up to inspect Rod's drawing.

Rod hoped that once his mother had seen how silly the picture was, that she would change her mind and agree that he could take it to class with him. However, sadly, the artwork provoked the exact opposite response, as his mother began to scream at him at the top of her lungs.

"Roderick Isaiah Periwinkle! What in God's name is this sinful shameful blasphemy?! Why have you drawn all these hearts between two boys?!"

Rod shivered, terrified what his punishment might be this time. He knew his mother might forbid him to take the picture to school, but he didn't anticipate that it would trigger quite such a rageful outburst! He nervously rubbed his hands together, as she continued to bombard him with questions that he didn't understand, let alone know how to answer.

"You know homosexuality is a sin against God, right?! Why the hell did you draw this?! Is this why Jesus died on that cross?! So you could draw some homosexual horror show between you and your friend?! Do you know how shamefully inappropriate this abomination is?! You don't have a brother! So there should never be any hearts between you and another boy! Understand?! Let alone this many! God! I can't leave you alone for five seconds can I?! Come here this instant!"

Rod felt so scared, all he wanted to do was run and hide. But he knew there was no escape. So he edged backwards slowly, hoping maybe his mother would calm down this time if he gave her some space. However, unfortunately, that probably only made things worse!

"Get here!" She snapped with shrill venom, as she reached out to clench her hand around Rod's quivering blue wrist.

"Ow… Ow… Mother please! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to upset you! I… I… I won't take the picture to school if you don't want me to! I promise!"

"It's too late for that now!" She shrieked, as she tugged him roughly downstairs. "Your father is going to have to teach you a lesson I think! One that hopefully you'll never forget!"

Rod could feel the fear morph into tears in his eyes, "Please mother! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! Please don't let father hit me again!"

"Enough! If you behaved yourself we wouldn't have to do things like this, would we?! But it's for your own good! You don't want to burn in hell for all eternity when you die?! Do you?! Because if you draw things like that, both you and the boy you draw are going to end up burning in a lake of fire forever! You don't want that, right?!"

Rod couldn't hold back the tears any longer and they streamed down his cheeks, "Um, no." He spluttered out between the sobs, "But I… I… I promise mother! I've learnt my lesson! I won't ever draw hearts next to boys again! I swear!"

His mother exhaled her anger, "Too late! This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you! Believe me! But it must be done! We're only trying to save you from an eternity in God's hell fire! Besides, your friend would surely end up hating you if he saw this shameful love! And you don't want that, do you?!"

"No! No I don't want him to hate me!" Rod cried, as his eyes widened in horror at the thought. He had never considered that Nicky might end up hating him when he saw the drawing. Indeed, that was the exact opposite of what he had hoped Nicky's reaction would be!

"And you don't want him to burn in hell with you? Do you?!" His mother shot Rod the coldest look. A look so cold that it sent shivers down Rod's spine.

"No! No I don't want him to burn in hell mother!" Rod whimpered. Tears streamed down his eyes, as he imagined Nicky suffering because of him. 'How could I have nearly damned my friend to such a horrible fate without even realizing what I was doing?!'

"Well, you better promise that you'll never do it again then?! You promise, right?!"

"Yes, I promise mother! I won't ever do it again! I swear on Jesus's soul! I don't want anyone to suffer because of me! I don't want my friend to suffer because of me!" Rod cried out in desperation, as he squirmed in his mother's grasp and tried his best to get free. But it was no use, he couldn't escape.

And his mother only tightened her grip around his poor fragile wrist. "You're only making it worse for yourself you know! Johnathan!" She yelled angrily, as she stormed into the living room and held out Rod's picture for his father to see. "Look what our son has been drawing! Hearts between boys!"

Rod could feel his whole body stiffen with fear and pulsate with adrenaline. He wanted to run away more than anything. He wanted to run right over to his friend Nicky's house and snuggle up in his mother's friendly arms. But he couldn't move. He just froze with fear, as his father grabbed hold of him. And his mother ripped the picture he had spent so very long drawing in two.

- END OF FLASHBACK -

Rod gulped hard, but kept his eyes scrunched shut. He could still feel the fear he had felt all those years ago! He froze again for a moment, as his breathing grew quicker and he hugged his arms around his stomach.

"Rod?! Rod buddy are you okay?! Rod?!" Nicky shook his friend by the shoulders, in an attempt to snap him from his terror.

It took a few minutes, but Rod slowly reestablished his grip on reality. He breathed deeply, but kept his eyes closed, as he tried to stop himself breaking down into another sobbing fit. Resting his trembling blue hand on Nicky's sticky green one, Rod did his best to rebury the painful memories, "It's ok Nicky." He reassured his friend. Eventually he felt safe enough to slowly reopen his eyes, and he stared apprehensively at his roommate. "Um, look Nicky, I'm… I'm sorry. But um… Well, I'd rather not talk about it right now. You… you understand, yes?"

"I'm so sorry buddy. I didn't mean to bring back bad memories or nothin'… I um…" Nicky trailed off, not sure what to say. But he felt an impulsive urge to hug Rod again briefly. Before he sat back down on the bed next to him, and looked sadly into his friend's clearly traumatized hazel eyes. "Jeez, I really am so sorry buddy. I never knew you were sufferin' so much." He sniffed, as a tear trickled down his cheek.

Rod shed another tear too. But he did his best to steady his twitchy nerves and return his focus to the sandwich in front of him.

- TEN MINUTES LATER -

As soon as Rod finished the last bit of bread and cheese, naturally, he attempted to get up with the plate. But Nicky immediately stopped him. "Nope. You stay there Rod. I'll take that." He grabbed the plate and disappeared off to the kitchen a moment, before he dashed back to Rod's side. It was still a chaotic mess in there, and he knew that was the last thing Rod needed to see right now!

"You're gonna call in sick tomorrow, right buddy?" Nicky asked seriously, his eyes once again full of concern.

Rod bit his lip a moment, "I can't Nicky. I've got a very important meeting tomorrow and a lot of accounts to…"

Nicky interrupted, "Rod, no! You're over doing it buddy! You need to take some time off! Nurse Nicky's orders!"

Rod rolled his eyes, "Nicky, but I…"

Nicky quickly cut in again, "No. No buts Rod! No matter how cute your tush is!" He grinned and winked.

Rod blushed, but frowned slightly, "Look, stop being silly Nicky! I need to…"

"Nope." Nicky shook his head.

Rod tried again, "See an important client and…"

"Uh-uh." Nicky put his finger on Rod's mouth. "Shh! Nurse Nicky knows best!"

Rod rolled his eyes again, but decided he better play along. After all, he could always sneak out in the morning, when Nicky was fast asleep. 'Wait a minute…' He thought, before he muttered, "Nicky don't you have to go to work tomorrow too?!"

Nicky's drunken mind slowly remembered, "Oh yeah. I've got that rehearsal, for the play and all… Don't I? Gee, guess you're right buddy! Maybe you can do the sleepin' tomorrow and I can do the workin' for once! It's only fair, right?"

Rod sighed, but smiled. "Yes. I suppose. Okay, whatever Nicky." He rolled his eyes yet again, "Now, let's just try and get some more sleep, shall we? I promise I'll do my best to wake you up in the morning before I head out."

Nicky groaned, "Jeez Rod! You never take any vaycays?! How on Earth do you keep going buddy?! I swear, if you keep up all this workin' nonsense, you're gonna end up havin' a heart attack or somethin'! And well, I can't let that happen buddy!" He snuggled up next to Rod in bed, and wrapped his arms around his roommate's waist. It was only a narrow single bed, so there was hardly any room, but he didn't care. He just wanted to make sure his best friend was safe.

Rod immediately started wriggling to free himself from Nicky's inappropriately close grasp. "Nicky! Please! We can't sleep like that! Go back to your own bed!"

"Only if you promise to take tomorrow off Rod." Nicky raised his head, so that his deep brown pleading orbs were level with his squirming friend's hazel eyes again. "Do we have a deal?"

Rod groaned and squealed in annoyance, "Fine! Fine! We have a deal Nicky! But just one day! That's it! I've got to be back in the office on Thursday! And I might have to complete a few stock market assessments from home."

Nicky rolled his eyes, he knew this was probably the best deal he was going to get from his workaholic friend, so he reluctantly loosened his arms from around Rod's waist. He didn't move from the bed though, as he snuggled his head against Rod's pillow. "Night buddy!"

Rod promptly began pushing his green lump of a friend towards the edge of his bed. "Nicky! That's so… So…"

"So what Rod?"

"So inappropriate!" Rod screeched.

"Fine." Nicky muttered in annoyance, as he stumbled to his feet and headed back to his own bed. "But one day... I'm gonna sneak in there next to you when you're sleepin', and you won't be able to stop me!" He winked and grinned cheekily at Rod, before he turned off the lamp on the night stand.

Rod rolled his eyes and yawned deeply. Now that his stomach was full for once in 48 hours, he suddenly felt really tired again. He snuggled down against his pillow. "Night Nicky." He mumbled, as he rapidly tumbled back to sleep.

Nicky smiled, as he too snuggled under his covers, "Night Rod buddy. 'Member, kiss me if you need me!" He reminded his friend. However, Rod didn't hear him, because he was already halfway back to zonkland.

AUTHOR'S NOTES :

** All comments & criticisms welcome. I'm a huge Rod & Nicky fan, so I just write about them for fun! =)

=== I know the plot moves super slowly. Probably too slowly! But as I'm focusing on character thoughts, internal monologues, memories, flashbacks & dream sequences. Unfortunately, I don't think I can change that! =/

** I've tried to ensure this fic is written in American English, with US slang & terminology etc to fit the theme.

=== Thus, hopefully it's never noticeable. But alas, I'm British. So sorry for any slip-ups!

** I apologize if the plot seems a bit disjointed & drawn out.

=== I confess I'm prone to going off on tangents in the form of flashbacks & dream sequences! It's just so much fun!

** Also I apologize for any poor grammar!

=== I confess, some of my grammatical errors have become part of 'my style' in a weird grammatically incorrect way! Because I can't bring myself to change certain grammar mistakes, even though I know they are technically wrong! And yes, I'm mainly referring to the dialogue tags! Because the correct way, just looks odd to me now for some weird reason! Still, I apologize if it bugs anyone! =/

** Thanks goes to NitrusOxide, FranBMan & Ted-Drakness, from deviantArt.

=== As it was reading their stories that initially inspired me to have a go at writing my own Rod/Nicky fic!