"Ok I'm not hungover anymore and we have the Skyrim for Pimps universe to see." Ranger said to the group while drinking some weird green drink.
"So what is this universe exactly?" Izuku asked, "Cause I've played Skyrim multiple times and it could be anything."
"In this world you are a Khajiit warrior who mastered the combat known as Catrate, the art of smashing your enemies with your fists." Ranger explained, "In the Khajiit homeland you were known as S'oggy Balls."
"SOGGY BALLS?" Bakugo asked while laughing, "That is the best thing ever."
"Don't be so sure of that." Ranger began to deride the explosive blonde, "Your counterpart was an elven magician who's elvish name was Crotch Guzzler."
"Suck it Crotch Guzzler!" Ochaco said to the explosive blonde.
"Careful now, your a nordic vampire assassin named Fün Tits." Ranger told the brunete.
"Shouldn't be so quick to judge names young Uraraka." All Might pointed out.
"Oh right and your an unkillable hobo named Cock Nibbler." Ranger told the hero before explaining, "However to make things easier I reprogramed the device so it will say your actual names instead. Although names of locations will remain the same"
The screen turned on to show Izuku (as a Khajiit), Ochaco, Bakugo, Momo, Kyoka and All Might in the entryway of Cock Tower.
"This is the entryway of Cock Tower. If you want to take off your shoes there are slippers in this container. I don't like bare feet or socked feet on my floors. This place was really expensive and I don't want it to smell like feet." All Might explained before leading them to his art gallery.
"This is my art gallery, you see there's a lot of pictures of women here" All might begins to explain, "I'm not creepy or anything, a lot of women send me pictures of themselves because I'm so well known and powerful and saved Skyrim and stuff. Then there's a lot of dragons and pictures of dragons cause I've killed all of those dragons. And down here this hallway is full of drugs that I confiscated from criminals."
At this point the group goes into the display museum where All Might explains it is full of weapons dedicated to all the contributors for Skyrim for Pimps.
"Dude they don't know what the fuck your talking about." Aizawa's voice says from inside All Might's head.
"Well they need to know. It's important." All Might replies.
"Nope! No one will ever care." Aizawa replies back.
"Yes it is. Listen to me."
"How many times do I have to tell you? Nobody gives a shit about your stupid religion."
"This isn't just a religion. This is a lifestyle."
"We both know that I respect your lifestyle choice but there is not enough time to explain it to these people."
"Yes, your right. I'll shut up about it for now."
"Thank you."
"The fuck was that?" Midnight asked in confusion.
"That was Aizawa as All Might's conscience." Ranger began to explain, "Midoriya, Bakugo, Uraraka and All Might all hear him as their conscience."
At this point everyone is in the allter built for All Might's religion.
"Oh, son of a bitch." Aizawa responds in All Might's head.
"This is my temple. This is where I come to worship our creators." All Might explained.
"There not real." Aizawa responds.
"Yes there very real. Hundreds of thousands of people worship them. On a weekly basis. And next year maybe millions, who knows."
"Dude look at how board they are."
"They were board in every room."
"Well there extra board here."
"This room is the most important one to me. Oh and I'm going to be passing the Subbable collection plate around in a couple minutes. Donate to the Ranger Society Pimps."
"Dude."
I'm still paying off this temple, it was expensive, you know. All I'm really asking for is a dollar a month it's not that much."
"Come on."
"Moving on."
"What was that about and Ranger Society Pimps?" Mina asked.
"Just a recurring joke." Ranger explained.
The scene shifted to a small bar in the tower where everyone was sitting at the tables and bar.
"This is Cock Bar and Grill. We have all the refreshments you want." All Might explained before asking, "Can I get you anything? How about a mug of Cock's Pale Ale? How about a pint of Black Cock Stout? Or if you're just thirsty I have some Cock Water. Okay well why don't we just move on to the next room."
The scene shifted to an arena.
"This is my own personal arena. This is where I kick the shit out of everyone fighting just to prove how mighty I am." All Might said before asking, "Isn't this exciting?"
At this point everyone was in the living room sitting around while All Might dismissed everyone to the dining room...Except Izuku.
"Ok everyone if you could go into the great hall I need to talk to Izuku alone for a bit. I had my servants prepare a bath for you." All Might said with a sneaky look in his eye.
"Let's hurry I need to get to the Skooma." Izuku replied.
"What's Skooma exactly?" Kyoka asked.
"Izuku, would you explain what skooma is?" Ranger asked the student.
"In Skyrim, Skooma is a drug that causes euphoria followed by lethargy, it also increases stamina." Izuku explained.
"What was with that look All Might had?" Bakugo asked.
"He's planning something." Ranger replied.
The scene shifted to Izuku and All Might in the bath/shower area where Mt. Lady was waiting.
"This is the bath area, and this is Mt. Lady, she is gonna take care of all your relaxation needs." All might explained, "She is really good at relaxing people with her mouth and she doesn't have any relaxation transmitted diseases or RTDs."
"That sounds wonderful." Izuku replied, "Is she able to do threeway relaxations?"
"NOPE!" Inko said while walking out, "Call me back when it's not porn starring a catman version of my son."
"It dosn't show any sex in this episode." Ranger explained, causing her to sit back down.
"Oddly no." All Might begins to explain, "She is very bad at multitasking."
"That's okay. It's not cheating because my wife is dead." Izuku cheerfully explained.
"Alright as soon as your done fucking her brains out come to the great hall." All Might explained while walking out, "Your skomma will be waiting."
"Did All Might...Just pimp out Mt. Lady to Midoriya?" Mineta asked in shock.
"I think he did." Kaminari replied, in equal shock.
"Mt. Lady, have you ever wondered what it's like to make love to a catman? Imagine a roll of quarters, wrapped in a very soft, furry carpet, plunging into you over and over again." Izuku explained before the scene shifted to the great hall where Mineta was playing a lute and singing a song that was very familiar to a few members of the audience.
"This might be the first time I've said this but thank god there was no sex scene." Mineta said after the shock wore off.
"That song is very familiar, but where is it from?" Kyoka asked herself.
"Oh my god. Look at all that Skomma. It's everywhere, scattered on the floor." Izuku said upon noticing the Skooma bottles, "There's so much. This is Cathalla, isn't it? Skooma Parley is the best."
"Welcome my guests. Eat, drink and be merry. There's been to much fighting. It's tearing this land apart. We should all be friends." All Might announced while Izuku was drinking Skooma, "I think we should all apologize to Izuku. I personally feel bad for treating him bruskly when I first met him. He was bravely fighting that dragon that I slew but I dismissed him and flew away. That was rude of me. I'm sorry Izuku."
"It's really not necessary, I didn't really…" Izuku began before getting interrupted by Ochaco.
"Oh uh you know I always felt bad for never paying for that werewolf's blood that you gave me. That was some sort of oversight I should have paid you for that" Ochaco explained.
"It's really not necessary, I didn't care, I had plenty of money from selling skooma." Izuku explained before getting interrupted by Bakugo.
"I, Katsuki Bakugo, apologize for killing your brother." Bakugo explained, "What worse crime could I have committed against a furball like you. I'm sorry Izuku."
"That reminds me we should all apologize to Izuku for calling him racist things like furball, uh kitty, kitten." All Might began while the others also listed out.
"Catman"
"Saucer Licker"
"Sand Pooper"
"A Pet"
"Meow Mix"
"Milk Drinker"
"Tuna Breath"
"Anus Licker"
"Wet Nose"
"Moist Nose"
"Gross Nose"
"Carpet Dick and Stupid Fuckface." All Might finished listing off before explaining, "We will no longer call you these racist and awful names. We are all very sorry. Aren't we?"
"Yeah." Bakugo said.
"Yep." Ochaco also responded.
"Wow, this is really moving everybody. I really think that things could work between us." Izuku began to explain, "My brother might be dead, but I feel like I have a new family now. And new friends."
"Here Here." All Might called out.
"Yeah that sounds good." Ochaco began to explain, "Yeah, consider us your family."
"Alright." Izuku replied, "Now it's time for the biggest and best Skooma Break EVER."
"That was beautiful." Inko said with tears in her eyes.
"OH GOD! HE'S GONNA GET RED WEDDINGED!" Kyoka yelled out, finally remembering where the song was from.
"What the fuck?" Bakugo asked in confusion.
In his drug induced haze, Izuku didn't notice everyone in the room, except for Momo pulling out crossbows until the first bolt hit his forearm, followed by one to his shoulder.
"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?" Everyone yelled at once.
At this point the scene showed Bakugo, Mineta, Ochaco, All Might and Kyoka all firing bolts at Izuku, who could only crouch in pain as more bolts entered his body form all directions.
"I thought we were family now?" Izuku asked while dying, "Why? Why did you do this?"
"I'll tell you why Izuku." Bakugo began to explain while walking towards Momo with a dagger drawn, "There's two things in this world that I really hate. Number 1. People who tell really really long, boring stories that waste my time. Number 2."
"Cat People?" Izuku guesed.
"Yeah, but that's not what I'm talking about. For 2 it's people who kill my family." Bakugo explained before slitting Momo's throat from behind.
"No! Momo! My dead wife. My dead baby." Izuku said in shock while standing back up, "I knew I should have never trusted you dragonborn, with your racist, demeaning comments, trying to make me feel bad about myself. Yo betrayed me. BUT I WILL STILL KILL ALL OF YOU!"
"DIE!" Izuku yells as he decapitates All Might where he stood, causing everyone else to resume shooting him.
"Dying. I'm dying." Izuku said while his vision was fading and he was beginning to see weird visions, "My life is flashing before my eyes."
"Yes I remember him." Izuku said as a vision of a buff pirate khajiit version of Kirishima.
"I don't remember this." he said as a vision of Mickey Mouse came up.
"I don't think that happened to me." Izuku said as the opening from Fallout New Vegas was shown, "Who are these people, what's going on?"
"No! Not the dumb Pirate again." Izuku said as the pirate vision came back, "Even the flashback is betraying me. Shut up damn you. No!"
"Finally, I…" Izuku began, the flashback ended and a khajiit version of Mirio Togata, dressed as a chef approached him.
"Mirio? In cook's clothing?" Izuku asked while crawling towards the hallucination, "I'm dying brother, but in my life I was leader of the Companions and the Thieves Guild. I killed the mightiest dragonborn in all the land. I had sex over four times. Tell me after all of these things, are you finally proud of your brother?"
"Have you master the expert level destruction spells yet?" Mirio asked.
"What? No of course not." Izuku replied in tears.
"Swift hunting." Mirio said before walking away.
"No! But come back. I'm dying." Izuku called to his brother.
"I fucking hate all of you." Izuku said right before Bakugo fired the finishing blow, ending the scene.
"So we all killed Deku because Bakugo wanted revenge, even though him and Deku both killed each other's family?" Ochaco asked in shock.
"Pretty much." Ranger replied, "Even though Bakugo killed Midoriya's family first."
"So what's the next universe?" Mina asked.
"The next one is…Trailer Park Boys." Ranger announced.
Author's Note: Ok I changed the roles a bit. I thought it worked better to have Izuku be S'oggy Balls and Bakugo to be Crotch Guzzler cause it was funny to have Izuku be a drug addicted, sex addicted catman. Also I've been sick since the last update, so sorry it took so long. Next is Trailer Park Boys so… expect that later. Finally earned that M rating this chapter.
As Always
Later