Author's Note: Happy New Year! I know it's been forever and I am deeply sorry. I don't really have any excuses, I just haven't taken the time to work on this story. But I have made several promises that I won't abandon it and I indeed to keep those promises so I'm going to do my best to wrap things up. This isn't the end just yet, I'm thinking maybe 1 or 2 more chapters but I have no idea when those will come. Also, I apologize for this chapter being so short. If you stuck with this story this long, you surely deserve more than a brief follow-up chapter but that's the best I can offer right now. That said, I hope you enjoy this chapter and please let me know what you think and how you'd like this story to finally end... I will confess I've had the ending decided since the beginning but I'm curious as to what direction you guys were hoping the girls would go in.
"What the hell was that?" Spencer demands as she follows Alison through the halls.
Alison quickens her pace, determined to avoid the conversation Spencer's currently trying to start. "I don't want to talk about it."
Spencer's long legs make it easy for her to match Alison's quickened pace and with a few well-paced strides, Spencer is once again at her side. "Well, too bad because we're talking about it."
"Why does everyone think they know what's best for me?!" Alison snaps, coming to a halt and turning on Spencer with an angry growl. "People want to tell me who I should see, who I shouldn't, what to feel, what to talk about, when to see a therapist. But you know what? I'm done! I've taken care of myself for as long as I can remember and I've done just fine!"
"Maybe it's time you start doing a little better than just fine," Spencer says.
Alison can't help but roll her eyes at the corny platitude, even though she recognizes the sincerity in Spencer's voice. "Oh, spare me."
Alison takes off again, her feet carrying her through the school's double doors and out into the open air. She needs space—a moment to think—to reflect on whatever the hell it is that just happened in the bathroom. Did she seriously try to have sex with Emily? In the school bathroom? God, maybe she should seek help.
But Spencer is right behind her, robbing her of her moment of self-loathing and misery, armed with questions and concerned eyes and Alison just wants to scream—scream at Spencer to go away, scream at Emily for rejecting her, scream at whoever is unfortunate enough to fall into her path.
She makes her way down the school's front steps and when she's finally satisfied with the amount of physical space between herself and the bathroom she just humiliated herself in, she pauses to take a breath.
"What were you doing with Emily in that bathroom?" Spencer asks. Her voice is soft and she tilts her head ever slightly like she genuinely cares and Alison closes her eyes like maybe when she opens them she'll be back in her Calculus classroom and this whole Emily-bathroom thing will have been a very elaborate disturbing daydream. Then again, if she's making wishes she'd choose to go a little further back in time.
Alison wants to be better, wants to give Spencer the truth, but the sarcastic response slips from her tongue before she can stop it. "We were putting on a puppet show."
"Alison," Spencer chides as if she's correcting a toddler. And Alison supposes the tone is appropriate considering how absolutely small and out of control she feels.
"We were talking," Alison says after a moment.
Spencer arches a disapproving eyebrow. "With your hand down her pants?"
"What—how'd you…" Alison stammers, her cheeks flushing at the accusation.
"Aria said she overheard something Emily said just before going in but she wasn't sure about it. Guess you just confirmed it."
Alison shakes her head. Outsmarted by Spencer Hastings yet again. "Gees. Guess privacy really is dead around here."
"If you want privacy then maybe don't attempt to have sex in a public bathroom."
Alison wants to point out that restricting that sort of thing to her bedroom didn't do her any favors either. Some evil scheming mastermind who might be her long last brother intruded on her private moments with Emily, violated her personal space and broadcast her most intimate, most vulnerable moment to the world… well to her best friends, but it might as well have been the world.
"We didn't do anything. I mean it didn't go anywhere," she says instead, all the bite gone from her voice.
Spencer's eyes are steady with concern and when she speaks her voice drips with gentle sympathy—the combination makes Alison twitch. She's so tired of people looking at her like she's some sort of victim when she feels so far from such.
"Who made the first move?" Spencer asks."Ali, if Emily tried something that made you uncomfortable—"
"She didn't! God! I did!" Alison cuts her off with a frustrated sigh. "Okay? She didn't do anything. I did!" Emily's not the deviant. I am, she wants to shout.
Spencer's soft expression twists with confusion and poorly concealed judgment. That's a look Alison is more accustomed to receiving from people. "Why would you want to be with her after what she did to you?"
"Because I'm fucked up! Okay? Because I'm deeply, fundamentally, irreversibly fucked up!" Alison cries. "You should know that better than anyone, Spence," she finishes with a sad laugh.
"Alison, maybe you should talk to someone about what you're going through."
"So help me God if one more person tells me I should go to therapy," Alison says through gritted teeth before walking off.
"Are you seriously following me home right now?" Alison growls. She's only about half a block from the school and seriously regretting not having her driver's license.
"Yep."
"School's not over. You're cutting," Alison points out smugly. She knew how much it killed Spencer to miss class.
Spencer pauses, looking tense for a moment before taking a breath. "It's more important that I stay with my friend."
Alison's actually kind of touched by that but she rolls her eyes nonetheless. "Why? Afraid I'm going to self-destructively throw myself at some other borderline abusive ex-lover?"
Spencer raises an eyebrow as if she wants to ask Alison a question but the glare Alison shoots her way has her biting her tongue.
"If you're going to stalk me, we should at least drive," Alison says.
Spencer nods, mouth twitching into a small smile before the two girls turn back towards the school's student parking lot to find Spencer's car.
"Where is everyone?" Spencer asks as Alison sheds her coat and tosses her bag on the chair in the living room.
"Dad's at work. As usual. And Jason's gone," Alison explains. "You coming up?" She gestures towards the stairs and starts her ascent to her bedroom.
Spencer dutifully follows. "Gone. Gone how?" she asks from behind Alison.
"He moved out a few days ago."
They reach Alison's bedroom and Spencer looks around, feeling as if something is off.
"Oh. I didn't realize he was leaving so soon," she remarks before it hits her. "Did you paint?"
Alison nods as she kicks off her shoes in the direction of her closet. "You like?"
"It's different," Spencer answers, lips pursed.
"You totally hate it," Alison laughs. She doesn't fault Spencer for not being fond of her attempt at redecorating, the color takes some getting used to and it had been done on a whim, after all.
"No. It's just different," Spencer insists. "Your room has been the same for as long as I can remember. Even when you were gone, your parents kept it the same. It'll just take some getting used to."
Spencer takes a few more seconds to look around at the changes Alison made to her bedroom before taking a seat on Alison's bed. Spencer's expression can best be described as pensive and Alison wonders what Spencer honestly thinks about the room. She supposes it's only natural for someone as analytical as Spencer to be curious about such a sudden change.
Alison connects her cell phone to the charging cable on her nightstand and then joins Spencer on the bed.
"So Jason moved in with his girlfriend, I assume?" Spencer asks. Alison hums in confirmation. "Isn't it a little soon? They've only been dating a couple of months."
"Yeah, well, he couldn't get out of here soon enough. Can't say I blame him," Alison mutters, having asked Jason all the same questions Spencer is asking. "But Leah's cool. I'm happy for him."
She feels Spencer studying her and against her better judgment, continues talking. "The house feels so empty without him. Not that he was ever around much anyway but it's different now. We were just starting to act like a family and now he's gone and I don't know…" Alison trails off.
"You're lonely?" Spencer suggests.
"God," Alison snorts. "You make me sound so pathetic."
"You're not pathetic, Ali. No one likes being alone."
Spencer's sincerity is so intense Alison can hardly stand it. She glances at her nightstand to check her phone. No messages. She sighs and settles back against her headboard once again.
"Well, I should probably get used to it because soon everyone's going to go off to college and I'm going to be stuck here. Alone."
Spencer straightens up, looking truly concerned about Alison's academic prospects. "I thought you were making progress in catching up?"
Alison rolls her head from side to side. "I thought so too but it's not just the time I missed while I was on the run, I missed months while I was in prison too and apparently you can't cram two and a half years of high school into a few months, no matter how many damn lab reports you do on a Saturday."
"I'm sorry Ali, I know you wanted to graduate with the rest of us."
Spencer looks apologetic and Alison feels a little guilty for bringing up the whole prison thing.
"I'm starting to realize the universe doesn't care much about what I want," Alison grumbles. "Everything is just so messed up, Spence. I thought if I could just fix one thing that's gone wrong, maybe everything else would fall into place too."
"Is that what you were trying to do with Emily in the bathroom?" Spencer asks.
Alison shrugs, feeling silly for admitting such a thing out loud—to Spencer of all people.
"Some things aren't fixable, Ali."
Alison turns her eyes on Spencer, voice hard and demanding. "Why? Why can't it be fixed? Why can't I forgive her?" Her throat aches and she feels tears pooling in her eyes and damnit, the last thing she wants to do right now is cry over Emily again.
"Ali, Emily did something really horrible," Spencer says seriously.
"So have I! I've done lots of horrible things. I've hurt people. I've hurt you! And you forgave me," Alison insists. "So why can't I forgive Emily?
Spencer shakes her head ever so slightly and sighs. "It's just different. What Emily did… that's a line that can't be uncrossed."
"Why? Because it involves sex?" Alison questions with a roll of her eyes—the movement causes a tear to escape and Alison hastily brushes it from her cheek. "People get so weird when it comes to that stuff. Why does sex have to complicate things?"
"I don't know. It just does."
"That's not a very Spencer Hastings answer." Alison finds herself laughing despite the complete lack of humor in the situation.
Spencer offers her an apologetic smile but doesn't waver. "Yeah, well, I can admit I don't have all the answers, but that doesn't mean I can't recognize the problem."
Alison can't wrap her head around the idea—Emily can't be the problem. Emily has always been her solution.